Of Group Work And Group Projects

When I was a student (I mean a full-time student, not my part-time status now), there were some projects that required group work. When I was younger and more naïve, I used to wonder why it was I got stuck with certain types of people.

I used to hate group work as I thought I function best on my own (actually I still do) since you can do things on your own time and your own way without needing to report to anyone. Having said that, group work enabled me to “broaden my horizons” in the sense that I got to see the true colours of a lot of people, and taught me how to accommodate and work well together with the various personalities.

Most of my group work partners were pretty alright. We all accommodated each other, did our own shares, met together, and contributed equally. Even for those who contributed a bit more they did it without complaining as it was all for the group.

Group work is such that we just have to give and take. It does not really matter who did more or who did less as long as everyone in the group benefits. Why spend the energy to pick on minor things when in the end everyone emerges as winners?

But there was one girl I remember whom nobody liked to work with. Let’s call this girl N. At first people joined her group because she was a good friend to a lot of people, but after one project, no one wanted to be her friend anymore, except for her “lackeys”.

She was totally autocratic, dominating, domineering, self-centred, selfish and wanted everything done her way according to her methods, techniques and timing. My best friend and I had the misfortune of working on the same group project with her on two separate occasions.

N had the latest computer program (at that point in time), so she wanted everyone to go to her place to do the project. But everyone had to cater to her timing, and she was only free at odd hours of the day, like 10:00pm at night.

So everyone was supposed to go to her place at 10:00pm at night, and no one could leave until the project was done, so they had to stay the night or the weekend if need be. And if suddenly she found that certain parts of the project needed a re-do, she would suddenly call everyone back to her place in the middle of the night and everyone was supposed to go.

My best friend’s experience was that the day of the first project meeting, she was supposed to meet the rest of the group members to go to N’s place. She waited at the train station for about fourty-five minutes. Those were the days where students did not carry mobile phones and even beepers were almost unheard of, unlike the rich and priviledged kids nowadays.

So she had to wait until the first group member arrived, fourty-five minutes later. And the group member then used my friend’s phone card to call the other group members, using up all the value. My best friend had to wait for about an hour and a half before the rest of the group members arrived and they set off to N’s place.

In the first place, if N wanted people to go to her place, she should at least have the courtesy to meet them at the train station and bring them to her place, instead of expecting them to make the way there themselves. This is basic courtesy, is it not?

In the second place, she should at least provide drinks or food or snacks for her friends. As it was, they went there for a project meeting, and no drinks or food was provided. When it was time for lunch, they were not allowed to even go for lunch until they finished the first part, and it was hard to finish as N was insisting on all her ideas and not accepting anyone else’s ideas.

Anyway my best friend said that day was really wasted as after waiting for so long, wasting even more time finding the place, arguing over the ideas, and wasting more time deciding where to eat, the rest of the day went by with only a quarter of the time really discussing the project as N and her lackeys started pillow fighting, napping and playing computer games, while my best friend dutifully read the text to generate more ideas, only to have them torn to shreds by N. By the time she reached home, it was almost midnight, after having been out since 8:00a.m. and they have not gotten a lot done.

The rest of the project duration went by with N always insisting that the members meet at her place, and everyone was expected to place her timing as first priority. She accepted no excuses be it family commitments or school commitments. It was as if no one had a life besides her project, which was not even her own to speak of.

The last straw came was one night, my best friend received a call at midnight, requesting her to go over to N’s place, as a certain part of the project needed to be re-done. She refused of course, saying her mum did not allow her out that late at night. Not just her mum, even my parents would not allow me out at that hour for whatever reason.

N kept insisting on her way, until my friend’s mother had to speak to her and said that she was not allowed out at that hour, and besides, she had done her part of the project. If the project needed to be re-done, then settle it in school the next morning. Or else e-mail her the copy and instructions and she could work at it at home, since they have a computer too.

The next thing my best friend knew, she was summoned by the tutor and made to write a written explanation why she did not meet up with the other group members as requested, and why she asked her mum to scold her group member.

My friend was so shaking mad after that that she wrote a strongly-worded letter of explanation during one of our lectures (while I was copying the notes for her) to our tutor telling everything that happened.

In the end, the tutor called the rest of the group members in and said that she believed everyone contributed equally, except that the group members probably did not have chemistry with each other since everyone disagreed with everyone’s methods of doing things. But in a group project, everyone should accommodate each other to come to a compromise, instead of one party always insisting on his / her own way.

My own experiences were just as bad. It just so happened that everything occurred at the wrong time. I was having problems with my ex, my parents, and my maid at that time left suddenly so my mum wanted me to baby sit my brothers for a few days.

Besides school, I really could not go anywhere else. So I told my group members why not meet at my place since I had a computer too. It was not as if my house was totally devoid of technology that we must meet at N’s place. And it made more sense meeting at my place since my house was much nearer to the school than anyone else’s.

But N refused. For some reason, she insisted on meeting at her place, and if I could not turn up, she would deem me as absent without leave. I was having so much trouble trying to explain to my parents why I needed to go for a project meeting, and all my mum said was all she needed was for me to bear with it for a few days and I could not even handle that responsibility, that I did not care for the family at all.

I was also having trouble explaining to my ex why I could not meet him or help him with his work or commit to the school activities we were both involved in for that period of time, only to get accused of not loving him enough or putting him first in my life.

So I told him if he needed my help with his work, then come over to my place instead of me always going over to his place, but for some unknown reason, he, too, insisted I must go to his place and refused to come to my place.

So I told my group members that I was really having difficulty that period of time, thus if they needed to meet, best would be meet at my place, just for that few days. After that, we could be free to meet anywhere else.

N just refused, and since her lackeys were in the same project group, they backed her up. In the end, I was unable to go for a single project meeting, my ex called me everyday to sulk and scream at me, my parents still gave me a hard time as I quarreled with them everyday over not being able to go for the project meeting, and my group members complained to the tutor and I got a lecture for having a poor attitude, refusal to co-operate, not accommodating, etc.

Through these experiences, I really learnt how vicious some people could be. So whenever I did any group project after that, I chose who to be with, instead of drawing lots. Luckily for the rest of my studying days, each time there was a group project, I never encountered anyone like her ever again. Thus, except for that bad experience, I enjoyed the rest of the group projects I had.

Shoe Shoe Baby ....

I need to buy a new pair of shoes. Two pairs actually, since I have just about worn out the current pair of working heels and my formal shoes, which I wear only for weddings, formal dinners and occasions like Christmas and Chinese New Year.

I only have a few pairs of shoes – two pairs of work shoes (one pair of heels for normal working days and one pair of mules for Fridays which I can wear when I go out during the weekends as well), one pair of formal heels, one pair of wedges for casual days, one pair of sneakers for overseas trips or hikes, one pair of thongs for casual wear, and one pair of havanas for beachwear. Plus a pair of boots for very special occasions.

My guy friends were surprised as they thought all girls have a cupboard full of shoes, and my girlfriends could not believe how I managed to survive with just these few pairs of shoes. I know most girls have shoes to match their attire, but not me since not every pair of shoes fit me.

How many pairs of shoes will one need anyway? Shoes wear out so fast, so no use buying so many pairs. I have lots of clothes, bags accessories and cosmetics, but I do not normally buy shoes unless it is absolutely necessary.

Besides my feet are very oddly-shaped. They are pointed at the ends but more rounded in shape, so I need shoes which are more round at the edges and longer at the sides. I cannot wear shoes with their edges pointed, which is why I never wear pumps or court shoes. I cannot wear a lot of shoes since I need shoes that can fit my type of feet.

If I buy shoes which do not fit my feet exactly, I will end up with blisters at the sides after an hour. I have tried so many shoe shops, and I have concluded that I can only wear shoes by Charles & Keith, Everbest or Hush Puppies comfortably without blisters.

Thus I can only buy shoes from these places, and even then, not every pair fits me all the time, which is why it is so hard to buy shoes for myself. So often than not, the shoes I buy are either black or ivory in colour, so they can be matching with whatever I wear.

How I wish I can be like other girls who can just grab any pair of shoes they fancy off the shelf anywhere, then it will really save me lots of trouble shoe-hunting all the time.

Of Sex And Making Love

A friend and I had a very interesting conversation just now on sex in the modern times. He is not religious, so may not be able to understand the biblical teachings behind premarital sex being a sin. In his opinion (and the opinion of most guys I know), sex or love-making is to be enjoyed with someone you really love, whether you are married or not.

I told him about some of those guys I know who are around his age range who like to indulge in flings, and always tried to get me into bed each time they contacted me. He thinks that that is wrong too, as sex by itself should only be among a couple, not with just mere friends or acquaintances, otherwise how different is it from visiting a prostitute?

He was asking me the real reason why I keep holding back, besides the religious part. I told him perhaps it is my upbringing, where premarital sex has always been seen as something wrong and dirty, and that real decent girls should not even think of doing the act.

Plus there are dangers of premarital sex, like unwanted pregnancy, sexually-transmitted diseases or even AIDS. He says that actually as long as someone has a regular partner and not sleep around or have one night stands, the person should be safe from all the unwanted diseases. As for the pregnancy part, there is always protection and withdrawal.

I believe guys by nature has a higher sex drive than girls, so they will be the ones who ask for it more. He says actually a real man will be able to control his urges and not pester the girlfriend to do anything she is not comfortable with.

But honestly speaking, in this time and age, is premarital sex really wrong? No doubt abstinence is still the best, since I still think it is a big honour to save it for the one you marry, but realistically speaking, how many people are virgins nowadays? Out of ten people, perhaps only one? Or maybe even none.

I do not care whether my guys are virgins, as long as he did it with his ex-girlfriend, ex-wife, whatever, and not because he fooled around and indulged in one night stands or visit prostitutes. However, do guys still mind if their girlfriends are non-virgins? Will the guy feels cheated if he marries a non-virgin?

This used to be a big deal in the past, where the girl must have a chastity test before she is deemed to be "pure" and "worthy" to be married. But in the modern context, is virginity still a big deal to a guy marrying a girl? He told me that if a guy really loves a girl and can carve a future with her, things like whether she is a virgin or not is not that big a deal.

Shall I change my thinking then? Am I really too old-fashioned or conservative if I still hold back? I will be lying if I say that I have never thought of doing the act, or that I have never wondered just how it is going to be like, or that I have never been so tempted at times that I just want to cave in.

We girls have our urges too, although of course not as much as guys. There are times in the past when I got so excited I really felt like going all the way, but somehow I always managed to stop before going too far. Needless to say, the guy I was with got rather pissed at missing the rest of the fun.

When people issue me sexual invitations, there are times when I felt like accepting. But of course, it is only to be done with the one person you love, not just anyone off the streets. According to others, doing the act with the person you love is the most beautiful and enjoyable thing in the world!

There are kids as young as twelve indulging in the act, before they even knew what they were really getting themselves into. But at my age where I can be responsible for my own actions, shall I then follow the crowd and finally submit, or shall I still hold on to what I always believe in?

A Keeper For Life ....

Life is so strange sometimes. You may be in despair, in a rut and generally blaming your fate and what not, when suddenly something happens to pull you out of everything. Some people believe in guardian angels, but for me, I believe that things do happen for a purpose.

Like if I have not been unlucky where my career was concerned, I would not have landed this job. That is, if I get to stay on. Although I like this job lesser than the previous one, but at least I am learning a lot and being exposed to a lot.

If I have not had a sort-of tumultuous love life, I would not have found the real love of my life. Only thing is I wish he had entered my life much earlier than before. Where has he been hiding all these while? But I guess if I had not had experiences with guys who took me for granted, I would not have been able to appreciate just how good he is.

Perhaps at times, we need to experience sadness before we can fully appreciate the happy things around us. We need to experience the bad things before we can understand just how good things are and not take anything for granted.

For instance, I used to have very hgh expectations where my love life is concerned. Thus, I was often disappointed and thought the guys did not meet the standard. Then I realise it is not a matter of looking for someone so perfect, but rather making the relationship perfect and focusing on the good aspects.

When I first decided to give him a chance, I wanted to see where it goes. Above all, I wanted to be sure he is really sincere and not just playing with my feelings. Even when I finally agreed to accept him, I did not want to put all my heart into it, so in case I was disappointed again, I would not feel as bad.

I need not have worried actually. If anything, he is treating me just as well, if not better, as before. He is generous, as in really generous. Not the extent of a rich man's generosity like Tiffany's jewellery or high-class fine dining every day and socialite gatherings every once in a while, but he is not a miser when it comes to his girlfriend.

Each time we go out, he always pays, even when I ask him not to. Our meals, movies we watched, the cab fare if we take a cab and he drops me off at my place, even some of my own purchases when he followed me shopping.

I always worry for his pocket, but he told me the other day that I seem to be very thrifty. It is like I am not willing to spend. I was surprised when he said that as "thrifty" is never a word to describe me! It just so happens that I have cut down on unnecessary extravagant spending, but I still do indulge.

He says that so far I only seem to buy things when it is absolutely necessary. I should go ahead and indulge more, since I am still relatively young so should spend on clothes, jewellery, cosmetics, hairdo, nail polish, and other things to make myself look even better. He also said if there is something I like to buy, go ahead and not hold back.

My girlfriends are going to be so jealous if I tell them this! Afterall, where can one ever find a guy who actually tells his girlfriend to spend money (the rich and famous not included)? It is always the girl who spend and the guys telling the girls not to spend.

Maybe because I have never been so well-treated, so now in my eyes, he is a gem. Granted to some oither girls he may only be just average, especially if those girls always have a bevy of guys who worship the ground they step on, but to me, he is treating me in the way I used to only dream of.

I never had a boyfriend who can specially take a cab down to my area at midnight just to meet me as he missed me, despite staying so far away. It was so late at night and he really took me by surprise as he only told me where he was only when he was almost reaching.

I had to sneak out of my house by climbing over the gate (first time I ever did such a thing, and also I did not wish to awaken the rest of my family members), so we could go somewhere for supper and a walk around the estate, before he walked me back home and then took a cab home himself. My mum will murder me if she ever finds out I sneaked out of the house to meet a guy at that hour!

My friends will also say I am crazy by doing that, as they will probably just go sleep. But if a guy is sweet enough to come all the way to see me at that ungodly hour on a week night just because he wanted to see me, even if it was just for an hour or so, I am not about to turn him away and ask him to go back home!

So many relationships, and he is the first one to do this. Even my second ex, despite staying quite near me, had never ever done that throughout all the years we have been together!

Besides, I find it exciting. I am getting to be so wild! It is like a Romeo and Juliet type of affair - sneaking behind others, sneaking out of the house at odd hours to avoid being found out just to have a rendezvous with the person you love.

Of course, it cannot be compared to Romeo and Juliet, and I for sure will not want it to end like those two star-crossed lovers, but I am not allowed out of the house at that hour of the night, and certainly not to meet up with a guy. He is luckier in that he lives alone and can go in and out of his place anytime he lives, but I will be so dead if my parents find out.

But I do not care. As I said, I am not going to screw up this time round, no matter how my parents are going to interfere this time. This guy is a keeper, and I am sure never ever going to let him go!

To Home-School Or Not

I just got my examination timetable. It will be in mid-May, on a weekday. I wonder if I can take leave for this, or will it be considered as unpaid leave since I have yet to pass the six-month probation? Goodness, has it not even been six months yet? Feels like I have been working there for such a long time already.

Furthermore, I just realised that my second assignment involving a 600-word essay on the Roman Coliseum is due next week (and not two weeks later as scheduled), and I have yet to get back my first assignment! Looks like I have to make an appointment to see my tutor very soon.

Some time ago, there was an article in the Sunday Lifestyle section of the Sunday Times where this journalist was saying that her sister who migrated to the United States decided to home-school her children.

The other day, one of my friends also told me that one of her relatives is also home-schooling the three sons. I was quite surprised as I thought there is no such thing as home-schooling here.

All I know was that before the year 2000 or so, education was not mandatory so there were some kids who were not sent to school, but ever since then, parents would be charged if they did not send their kids to school, thus all kids have to go to school to be educated from then on.

According to my friend, people here can still choose to home-school their children provided they register for our local tests and examinations. The relative chose to home-school her children as she wanted her children to be totally focused which the school environment may not be able to provide as teachers have to take care of so many kids.

And the three boys are very well-behaved, polite and independent. Besides, their results are not necessary poorer than those kids who go to school; if anything, their results are on par with those kids from the top classes of top schools. My friend said she is very impressed with the boys as their behaviours and attitudes seem better than those kids who go to school.

The journalist wrote in her article that she was skeptical when her sister chose to home-school her children. She was worried for her niece and nephew as she thinks that home-schooling will not grant them the opportunity to mix with other kids.

But after seeing how well-behaved her niece and nephew are and how knowledgeable they are because they have undivided attention to their learning, she began to see that home-schooling may be a good idea after all, especially in the US context where some schools may get too dangerous for students with the type of violence around.

Home-schooling is still a new concept here. Ask any parent and they will still think going to school is the best. Students get to mix with other kids from all walks of life, so they can learn about the different cultures. But the downside is that if the kids mix with kids with poor attitudes, chances are they may be influenced to be the same.

But the home-schooling concept has already been around for quite some time in England and America, and probably a lot of other countries as well, ever since old English families engage governesses to teach their children at home.

There have been reports saying that some geniuses who entered university at the age of fourteen are home-schooled. Some of the top scorers of National examinations of the country are home-schooled. And they do not lose out in terms of social skills as well.

There will always be pros and cons for everything. By sending the kids to school, the kids may be in a conducive environment for learning as there are a lot of activities and enrichment classes which the schools can provide. Kids also get to interact with others and learn how to share, care and respect each other.

But because there are fourty kids in a classroom, the teacher normally spends time on weaker pupils thus sometimes neglects those who are able to handle their work. The kid may then lose out on undivided attention, and need tuition and remedial to catch up on the work.

On the other hand, by home-schooling a kid, the kid can also learn as much, if not more, than what the schools provide, because the kid will have individualized attention, so can cut down on tuition sessions.

Parents too can provide extra enrichment activities to stretch the kid’s learning. And interacting with others, caring, sharing and respecting each other can be learnt elsewhere, not just in school, and can be taught by the parents as well.

Come to think of it, perhaps home-schooling is not that bad an idea. But then, no matter whether the kid goes to school or not, his / her behaviour and attitude stems from home. If he / she comes from a good and caring family where the parents take the time to inculcate good values and behaviour, then it does not make a difference where the kid goes to school.

One Step Into The Grave?

I think I am doomed to an early death the way I live my life. Just as well, since having too long a life is not necessarily a good thing. Once you get older all kinds of problems start coming, and the worst scenario would be getting so sick that you are hanging between life and death but not actually dying, and you could be hanging there for goodness knows how long.

This came about due to a lecture my mum gave me about my eating habits. I am not like my youngest brother, who eats anything he can lay his hands on. My first brother is more particular about the food he eats - there are only those few of his favourite dishes which he must have, so my parents would bring him to those places that sell those kind of food each time he returns.

As for me, I am not as picky as my first brother, but not a glutton like my youngest brother. I do choose my food, although unwisely according to my mum. As it is, my youngest brother and I actually compliment each other in terms of eating habits, since his favourite types of food are those which I do not eat, and my favourite types of food are those he cannot stand to eat.

I like my food "colourful". I cannot stand looking at or eating bland food. Thus, I will lose my appetite the moment I see all the dishes steamed and colourless. I like food that is fried or roasted or pan-fried to perfection. In other words, oily stuff.

I cannot live without chocolate. That includes white chocolate, milk chocolate, dark chocolate, chocolate milkshake, chocolate malt, hot chocolate, etc. Besides that, I cannot live without chilli, especially sambal or curry. Neither can I live without fried chicken, or anything fried for that matter. Or keropok (prawn crackers), hot and spicy potato chips, durian chips, popcorn (I always mix the sweet and salty ones together).

I must have some spice or sauce in my food. I like my food spicy or salty or sweet, but not sour. Thus I will never add vinegar into my food (which always triggers off a joke among my friends that I am not one to "eat vinegar" - translate that into Chinese and you will get the meaning).

Yet all these food are those that will cause my body to heat up and I will develop a sore throat from eating too much. I was told to cut down on food like these due to my recent singing lessons. But since I am prepared to die early, obviously I have not been cutting down, which is why I have to accept if some days my voice is not up to par.

I know my eating habits will push me further into the grave, but on the other hand, you only live once, so why bother getting so worked up over health food or organic food or what not, as long as it is eatable food? As long as we eat to survive (and some people survive to eat), that is all that should matter.

My Driving Experience (Or Lack Of)

So now that I can cycle, perhaps driving will be the next step. A friend asked a few weeks back if I have a driving license. How I wish! I have never completed my lessons actually, considering the fact that I have failed a few times, and now my theory examinations deadline has expired. So if I am to take up driving again, I have to re-sit for the theory examinations.

I started driving lessons way back in university. My instructor than was recommended by my cousin, but he and I never got along. He did not like the way I learnt, and I never liked the way he taught. I was always very nervous behind the wheel and all he did was scream at me for gripping the steering wheel too tightly, making me even more flustered.

I did not like the way he scolded, as he would insult me and my family. He said I was wasting my parents’ money by going for driving lessons in the first place since I could not seem to be able to control the clutch at first gear properly. What made him think it were definitely my parents who were paying for my lessons?

He also said I must have been too pampered by my parents, that was why I could not seem to do anything right, and I could jolly well tell my parents he said that. He topped it off by saying that for someone who could study until so high, wonder if my brains were for real since I always behaved so stupidly behind the wheel.

Finally after one particular lesson where the car kept stalling and jerking as I either pressed too hard on the clutch or lifted the clutch up too high, he told me to just get lost as I was “unteachable”.

I was really pissed. I did not care what he said about me, but why get my parents involved? Besides, as a teacher or instructor, his job was to teach well, not to just give up any student who might need more help just because the student was not up to his high expectations. I dared not even tell my mum what happened as she would only give me more depressing remarks.

The next instructor after him is a lady, recommended to me by my NIE course mate. She is more patient and I was under her for half a year. I stopped the lessons after that because I was in my final semester and had to start teaching after that, so I thought of stabilizing my job first.

After that, my friends told me to sign up for lessons at a driving centre, since the instruction would be more structured. Besides, we need to go to a driving centre in order to take our examinations, so learning at a driving centre would enable us to have first-hand training on how the examination would be like.

So I started having lessons at the driving centre near my place for more than a year. The instructors were rather kind and jolly, and they understood that we were all beginners, thus never imposed their high standards on us. I think my driving skills actually improved under them. Unfortunately, I was sent for three examinations, but failed all. :-(

After the third failure, my theory deadline expired, so if I am to take lessons again, I will have to go through the entire procedure again. Besides my workload was getting heavier, and it was getting harder to schedule lessons according to my timing and budget. Thus for the past three years, I have not had a single driving lesson.

I wanted so much to drive even before I entered university. I always envy all my elder cousins who could drive. They passed their driving examinations after two tries on the average, so I thought it would be easy to pass too. I forgot the fact that they are the types who have been and are good and successful in everything they do, unlike me.

I thought once I got my license I would be able to drive my dad’s Mercedes, since he was always away. But after that, my dad’s business hit a rough patch for a period of time and he has to sell off his car.

Since then, he had to share the car with my mum, and my mum for sure would never let me drive her car for fear I crashed it. She would want me to get my own car if I want to drive. Then my second and third exs were able to drive, so it became less of a need for me to drive since they would offer to drive me around as and when they could have access to the family car.

My cousins were asking me when I would finally have a license. I feel down and left out when I saw even my younger cousins getting their licenses long before me after just one or two attempts, even though I started lessons way before them. It only made me feel that once again, I could not do anything right.

But what is the use of having a license if I have no access to a car? If I am like my cousins where after they passed their driving examinations, their parents either gave them the old car and bought a new one, or they use their mum’s car, then I will strive to pass my test as soon as possible. It is no use at this point in time even if I can drive since I will never have the chance to drive.

But I will want to be behind the wheel some day. I used to think I would finally be able to drive by twenty-five, but now I plan to be able to drive by thirty. Still a few more years to go! Hopefully I will be able to afford a car by then.

Meanwhile, it is not a priority for me to take up driving lessons again for now, since I already have my time tied up with other things. Besides if I am to take up lessons again, I will want to learn how to drive an auto car, not a manual car, since everyone has told me that an auto car is much easier to drive.

New Cyclist On The Road!

At last, I finally learnt how to cycle! All thanks to my darling's unwavering patience yesterday. We went to East Coast Park, rented a bicycle (a rather big one in my opinion) and he started guiding me on how to maneuvre a bike.

I kept falling in the beginning as the bike kept turning all ways. He told me to pedal faster and turn the bike to the left if I feel it falling to the left, and turn it to the right if I feel it falling to the right. After many false starts, a few falls, and an hour later, I could finally go a little distance without his support!

We actually rented the bicycle for two hours, but it started raining, so we had to seek shelter halfway. When the rain simmered, I wanted to start again, but he was worried as the ground was slippery. I wanted to see if I could cycle all the way back to the kiosk without his help.

So we set off and I pedalled faster in order to balance the bike better, and he ran alongside to keep pace with me. I wanted to slow down in case he could not catch up, but he said that he is a seasoned runner, so the speed was alright.

But it was not as easy going back. When he started guiding me, we went to the pedestrian walkway so I could cycle slower. When we went back, we were on the bicycle and roller-blading walkway, so there were many more cyclists and roller-bladers around. Plus the ground was slippery due to the rain.

I collided with a roller-blader, fell off the bike a few times when I swerved to miss a few cyclists, almost went into a ditch, and essentially being a road hog by cycling right in the middle of the lane where everyone was either coming or going.

Goodness, I was such a road hazard! There really should be a beginner's cyclist probation sign or something to warn others, just like the car's probation plate for beginner's drivers.

When we went back to the kiosk, it was already fourty-five minutes overdue, and had to incur the extra charge. I was tired, sweaty, bruised and aching all over, with scratches on my palms, knees and even my new Baby-G got scratched a little, but overall it was worth it. After three hours, I finally knew how to cycle!

We went to a seafood restaurant for dinner, where we had curry crab, cereal prawns, crispy beancurd and sambal kang kong. I was so hungry that my appetite was more than usual. And coincidentally, a few tables away from us, I saw my second ex's extended family. I do not think they saw me though.

He asked if I wanted to go over and say hello, but it was so awkward. In their eyes, I disappeared just like that. When my ex dumped me, he did not want to tell anyone at first, and he told me not to tell anyone in his family. Thus I just "disappeared". So they would think me rather rude and uncool that I just left without a word.

We went for a long stroll along the beach after dinner before he accompanied me home. We both had a very tiring day, thus both of us had an early night. I woke up with my body aching today. It was the first time in so long that I exercised for so many hours in a day!

I cannot wait to go cycling again. I always knew it is fun, but I never know how fun it is to be able to cycle on your own. Besides, I still need practice in starting up the bicycle and balancing the bike. Hopefully next time we can rent two bicycles and cycle together.

Of Company Transport ....

My company provides transport to its staff, which is a good thing, otherwise I will not agree to go all the way there to work. My bus is the E bus, catering to people staying around the same area. There is also the W bus, N bus, C bus, K bus and H bus, all for the employees of the various areas.

The buses will pick us up at designated locations in the morning. There will be three rounds of buses in the evenings, at one hour intervals, to cater for those who work overtime. If we miss all three buses, then we can call for a cab and claim from the company.

Sometimes these bus services got cancelled at certain times, which cannot be helped as the buses are also contracted to other companies and schools. If we miss our bus, we can always hop on another available bus even if it is going to another area, drop off at a train station and go back on our own.

If I am going straight home after work, I will take the E bus back. If I am going somewhere else, especially town area, I will take the W bus and drop off at the nearest train station.

The advantage of this is that we can have an excuse not to work late, by saying that we must catch the bus back, especially if only one round of bus was available that evening as the other buses were cancelled. But the disadvantage is that sometimes when we had things to rush off and it took just another few minutes, the buses would have left without waiting.

Then we have to either wait for the next round of bus, if any, or hang around until the appropriate time to call a cab back. And of course, most people will prefer rushing through the work just to catch the bus back than to stay overtime, but doing things in a rush may inadvertently commit errors and the work may be not up to standard.

Some bus drivers are very jolly. They play soft music and let us nap, and talk to us to lighten us up after a tiring day, and specially drove us all the way back to our homes. Some bus drivers are accommodating and let us direct them where to go.

But some bus drivers are very picky and inflexible. Sometimes when people were held up due to traffic or emergency, they started to complain just because they had to wait a few mintues. And even if there was only one person left on the bus, they could not just accommodate the request to drive the passenger to the required destination.

I can understand if it is a public bus, but for a company bus, are the drivers not supposed to service the employees? And if the employee just required the driver to turn into a lane, must he be so inflexible? It is not as if he / she asked him to drive to somewhere so out of the way.

Anyway my co-workers are very nice people who will not direct the driver where to go if there are still other passengers on the bus. We do this only if we are the only ones left, or if the other passengers are staying near our areas.

I think more companies should provide transport for their staff. It is a very good idea, and really boost the morale of the staff that the company provides good enough welfare and takes care of them in every aspect.

Besides, this also creates jobs for others and more bus companies will gear up for these jobs. Also, with more demand, there will be competition and a little competition does not hurt anyone. If anything, it improves the driver’s disposition that he must have a better attitude to serve.

Does It Take Up A Lot Of Time In A Relationship?

A friend told me the other day that she is reluctant to start a relationship with anyone because she has been independent for so long and involved in her own activities, so having a relationship will only slow her down as she does not like the idea of giving up anything to meet the guy everyday, or reporting or justifying her actions to the guy.

She asked how come I am prepared to be in a relationship despite all the things I am involved in? If I go dating everyday, will I not have lesser time for myself and the things I want to do?

Why would she think that being in a relationship means meeting each other everyday? True, if two people enter a relationship, they do need to spend time with each other to nurture the relationship, but that does not mean spending all the time with each other or seeing each other everyday.

Both should still carry on their lives as per normal, except with the feeling that now they have found a companion to share thoughts, actions and their lives with. In fact, giving up your activities just to spend time with your loved one does not make a good relationship; if anything, the relationship will only become unhealthy because sooner or later, one of them will find it very suffocating.

Like now, even if I am in a relationship, I will still be involved in my activities – work, singing, church, family, studies, dancing, music. He will also still be involved with whatever activities he has. But in a relationship, we make the effort to meet each other once or twice a week for a meal, and perhaps spend the weekend together sometimes.

I will not want anyone to stop me from doing what I like, neither will I stop anyone from doing anything he likes. One does not need to see each other everyday. Communication and commitment is more important, and we can communicate through messages, e-mails, phone calls, or even online chatting, all the while knowing that we will be there for each other no matter what.

The important thing is that we trust each other and committed enough to carve out a future together. We can still go out with our friends and families, either on our own or together. Essentially we can still lead our own individual lives and not give up anything just because we are in a relationship.

My mum used to tell me that my latest relationship was very unhealthy since I was spending all my time with him, thus no wonder it came to an end. My time was not just with him, I was involved in several other things too. But knowing my mum, I did not wish to justify my actions, so just let her think whatever she liked.

She used to scold me for coming home late, saying that a girl should not run around with a guy so late in the night. I always tried to go home before midnight. I was way past twenty-one years old and she still wanted to control my curfew!

Strangely she never said a thing no matter how late I went out with my second ex. Ironically when I was single, she never once complained about me coming home late, although now I reach home at 2:00am sometimes. Either now she allows me to socialize, or she just cannot be bothered anymore since I will not listen anyway. :-p

Some people think it is risky if the couple does not see each other often, as one or both of them may stray. If that happens, then end the relationship because it shows that they are probably not committed enough and does not love each other as much in the first place.

My point is that if a couple gets together and they are really serious about each other, they will be committed to make the relationship work out, even if they do not see each other everyday or spend all the time with each other.

It is the heart that counts. Just like my friend, who carried on a mainly long-distance relationship with her husband. There are periods of time where they do not see each other for seven months straight!

They communicate only through e-mails and phone calls, but still got married in the end. It all depends whether both parties are ready for a long-lasting serious relationship and whether they are willing to make things work out.

How Much Can You Trust A Guy?

My friend just said I am crazy, because my guy just spent the night (ie after work to about 11:00pm, not the whole night) with a female friend of his. She says how can I allow it especially we only just became an official item?

Why not? He is entitled to have his own friends. Besides, he knows that lady for almost twenty years already, since they were schoolmates. She is married with two kids, and he is the godfather to one of them.

I have guy friends whom I have also known for close to twenty years, and we do still hang out together once in a while. The bottomline is trust. How can a relationship survive without any mutual trust?

My friend is just worried about me, knowing my relationship history. She said guys can only be trusted this much. How can I guarantee there is no hanky-panky behind my back? Besides, what about the times when someone compared me to his female classmate, or another someone went to a lady friend’s house in the middle of the night, bringing her food, and a lady answered his phone in a hotel room overseas?

Even my cousin does not fully trust her husband, although he is so good to her. She is always a nervous freak whenever he goes overseas, and she keeps his passport so that he will not be able to just go off on his own anytime he likes.

Must people be so drastic sometimes? If you chose the guy in the first place, ought you not trust him? So guys fall into temptation much better than girls, which accounts that guys can only be trusted 80% to 90%, but guys will not feel good if their own girlfriends or wives do not trust them completely.

I know even my mum does not trust my dad completely. She is always under so much tension each time he is away, and is really relieved and happy only when he is back. But nobody feels good if he / she is not trusted.

I have been with guys less trusting than me. I was always the one not allowed to go out with other guys whereas they could just go out with other girls. Hopefully this new guy is more trusting, but then again, we tell each other almost everything, on what we do and who we are with.

I guess for the trust to build up, there must be communication and accountability. He told me that he does not believe in restricting his girl from doing anything she likes. I told him that it would be risky, as if he really goes ahead and allows her to do things, who is to say she will not two-time him (not that I will ever do that)?

He said of course not to the extent that he does not even know what she is doing, so both parties must always communicate and tell each other everything. There must still be a scope of control, ie know where each other is at whatever time of the day.

That was how I used to function in relationships. I used to tell my guy everything, but they never bothered telling me anything. I guess if there is no communication or accountability, then the seeds of doubt will have been sown.

Still, I think I am a pretty trusting person, too much at times for my own disadvantage. I used to tell my friends if they do not trust their guys, why be with him or stick with him? They of all people should be able to know the type of guy they are with.

Of course, if the guy betrays the trust, then that is it. Trust, once broken, can never be gained back. Which is why once I got dumped for someone else, the guy do not ever dream of ever getting back together with me, no matter how remourseful he is.

Office Romances ....

I have heard of office romances, but what exactly constitute them? Relationship between two co-workers, relationship between supervisor and subordinate, or even the affair between the boss and employee? Or perhaps all go under the same category.

As far as I know, although I may be wrong, most companies frown on office romances, especially if one of them got promoted. If your supervisor happens to be your boyfriend . girlfriend / husband / wife, then there will be complications where appraisal is concerned.

If you get too high a grade with more bonus, the co-workers will say it is favouritism, even if you have been working hard enough to deserve it. But if you get too low a grade, you will find it unfair and then there will be trouble back home.

What my mum’s company does is that once two parties in the same department got together, she will transfer one of them out to another department. And any promotion / appraisal will have to go through her first before any request is acceded. I think that is a good policy and fair to everyone.

I will never be involved with the boss, all the more if he is married. Anyway, most of the other companies I work in have a mostly female environment, and the few guys I came across are either married, too young, too old or just not my type.

Back when I was teaching, there were two teachers who got together. Actually the male teacher came to my school for attachment, and he happened to observe the class of the female teacher. They got together shortly after that, but it was just a coincidence that he got posted back to my school.

Obviously both were happy with the situation, but both tried to keep things under wraps. They did not talk to each other in school except if it is to do with work. Not many people knew at first, but then how long could they keep things under wraps?

I sort of suspected something because the male teacher was the one who took over my class when I was leaving, so he had to observe my methods and often be seen with me as I gave him a crash course in all the administrative matters, duties, handing over of materials and students’ profile. Due to that, I saw the female teacher starring at me a few times before.

After that, I heard from another teacher that she saw both of them holding hands in one of the shopping malls. Then I understood why that teacher became so hostile towards me all of a sudden. But then, did she not have any trust in her boyfriend anyway?

My best friend was involved in an office romance once. One of her ex-boyfriends was her then-supervisor. But it was forbidden in her then-company to be involved in any office romance. So they had to always keep it under wraps.

When they broke up, she still held on, until she finally decided to cut herself away and resign. But she needed the approval of her immediate supervisor, and he refused to approve her resignation notice, until she said she would tender her notice to the big boss himself whether he approved or not.

That is one of the risks of office romances. If both got together and lived happily ever after, things would not be that complicating. If they broke up, then the more heart-broken one would not bear ever going back to work at the same place. Even if he / she remained in the company, chances are he / she may not be able to totally focus especially if the ex would be around. As a result, his / her work performance may deteriorate.

My company is a family business, so all the directors are related to each other whether by blood or marriage. Obviously there are a few couples. But they behave so professionally in the office as they probably know the office is for work, not for anything personal. I wonder how they will take it if some of their employees got hooked up?

But I guess office romances are inevitable sometimes. You see each other day in day out, and probably spend more time with each other than your own family. Some lucky ones do get together. But I guess they just have to be focused and professional enough and not let their relationships or whatever problems that come with it affect their work.

The idea of an office romance itself sounds exciting. But as I have mentioned, being involved in an office romance has a few other factors to consider, even though we are in totally different departments and do not get to work together at all. Most importantly, we have to keep everything under wraps to avoid any rumours, gossip or back-stabbing.

How To Make A Woman Happy

I read this somewhere about how it is not difficult (?) to make a woman happy. THIS IS NOT MY OWN POINT OF VIEW!

A man only needs to be :

1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a gynaecologist
15. a sexologist (only for married couples)
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father (again, for married couples only)
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
44. compassionate

Without forgetting to :

45. give her compliments regularly
46. love shopping (not necessary actually, at least for me)
47. be honest
48. be very rich (not necessary as well)
49. not stress her out
50. not look at other girls

And at the same time, also :

51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

It is very important :

54. Never to forget
- birthdays
- anniversaries
- arrangements she makes

I do not think such a man (ie one who fulfils all these) really exists. No wonder my friends complain they are still single ….

But then, if men have to do all these to make a woman happy, then women should also do all these to make a man happy. A girl cannot expect a guy to do all these for her and be what she wants him to be if she is not willing to do anything back in return. Just like a guy also cannot expect the girl to do everything for him and only just keep taking without giving any back.

Which Name To Choose?

I have been told I need a name for my baptism, preferably the name of a saint. Does my name not suffice? Afterall, my name, or rather, the more common longer version of it, is the name of a saint. But if I must have a middle name, I would like the name “Jacqueline”, as I always thought how nice that would sound if it is combined together with my name and surname.

My sponsor told me to choose the name of a saint of the month I was born in. The only one I know of that month is St. Jude, but I cannot use that as that is quintessentially a guy’s name. Neither will I call myself Judy. Somehow I never liked the name Judy, so I will never use it.

Then I thought of “Katherine” since it means “pure”, but then I do not think it sounds nice enough when combined together with my name and surname. There are also other options like “Helena”, “Joan” and “Margaret”, but these names do not sound right to me.

If I do not need to use the name of a saint, I would want to use “Titania” or “Ophelia” or “Juliette” or “Viola”. As it is, I do not know many female saints except for Margaret, Joan, Katherine and Cecilia. But somehow these names are just not me. Anyone like to suggest a name I can use?

To Go Or Not To Go?

My second ex is getting married. Does not affect me actually, except that my best friend told me that he told her that his girlfriend (fiancée?) told him to ask me if I would be interested in attending their wedding.

How sincere is that?! It is not as if he does not have my contact number or my address or email. So must he go through this roundabout way to get his message across? And I am surprised it is the girl who asked, not the guy.

I can only think of two reasons. First, they want to make peace so it is a gesture of goodwill. Second, (which I think is the more probable one), she wants to show off that finally she has him and all other hopes for me (not that I am harbouring any in the first place) are dashed.

Sometimes life is just so funny. The period of time when he and I were planning for our wedding which never took place in the end, he asked what type of ceremony I would like.

When I told him the type of wedding I wanted, he said he would prefer to keep everything simple. Now apparently, his fiancée is going to have her dream wedding which is about twice as grand as the one I always want.

Times like this makes me wonder what is it that others have which I do not? First I was dumped for her, then he kept back all my favourite things for her, he gives in to whatever she wants, and now he allows her to plan their wedding in whichever way she wants.

Why is it other girls can be so well-treated despite being so difficult? Anyway, back to the wedding invitation issue. The question is : shall I or shall I not attend? If I attend, she will probably show off her triumphant look that she emerges as the winner. If I do not attend, it will only reflect how petty I am, especially since I believe a few of our friends would be there as well.

How I wish I can just lead a simple life away from all these problems, no matter how minor!

Status : Attached!

Alright, I have finally succumbed…. to this wonderful thing called “love”, again! Perhaps most of you will think it is fast, and I do admit, it is the fastest I have ever been in deciding to enter a relationship, but then, when it comes to my age, one does not need a very long period of time to know if the person suits you. One knows by experiences, instinct and action.

Besides, after what he has done, I will be too heartless if I still do not give him a chance. No one has ever gone to that extent for me. But then I am accepting him not because of the things he has done, but because I finally realize he is worth it, and he will be able to make me happy.

I still cannot believe what happened on Sunday night! The doorbell rang at 10:15pm, interrupting my mum from her news programme. When she answered the door, the guy at the gate said it was a special delivery package for me.

So my mum called for me and asked what in the world I ordered that it must be delivered at such an hour? I was equally bewildered as I have not ordered anything since late last year. Besides, normally I would choose to receive things I ordered by normal mail, not by special delivery.

I went downstairs and the guy asked for confirmation of my name and mobile number. After that, he handed me a bouquet of flowers, together with a duplicate copy of the delivery slip. I was too stunned for words! This is the first time someone actually sent me flowers right at my doorstep!

It is a big bouquet of three white lilies, with purple forget-me-nots, two peach roses and sprigs of baby’s breath. Although it is not the biggest bouquet I have been given, but this is the first bouquet that brought tears to my eyes.

Firstly, the flowers are sent to my doorstep although I have not even given him my address. Okay, he has walked me back a few times, so if he takes the time to observe, he will know my house number and the street name. Just that the other guys who had walked me home before will not bother to know my actual address unless I tell them, despite how many times they have come over.

Secondly, the bouquet consists of my favourite flowers, and in the type of arrangement I like. I have only mentioned it once, when he asked about my favourite flowers and floral arrangement. He actually took the trouble to remember my tastes, not like some others who are so scatter-brained that no matter how many times they are told, they never remember (and it is not just on flowers, but all other things).

I sent him a message after I received the bouquet, to thank him for his thoughtfulness and trouble. He told me it is nothing much as long as I like it and I am happy. It may not be a big deal to anyone else, but it is a big deal to me, as no guy has ever gone to such lengths for me.

I am so touched that I really cried, until my brother came in and asked if I was laughing or crying. I went to bed that night with such a big smile on my face, thinking of all the nice and sweet things he has done.

I asked myself what am I still waiting for now that I have such a guy who is willing to go to such lengths just to make me happy? Do I really have to bother what he is lacking or what criteria he does not fulfil if he is so willing to do everything for me?

As most of you will probably recall, I had some reservations. Firstly, the age gap. Secondly, the religion factor. Thirdly, I have my own set of criteria on what type I am looking for, which many of you claim is impossible to meet all the requirements.

Fourthly, I never thought I will ever be involved in a real office romance. And fifthly, I do not know how my best friend will react if I hitch up with a guy who looks a lot like the guy she is still pining for.

It took a long time of pondering before I finally made this decision. There were fears, like what if it does not work out again? I am no longer at the age where I can still test the waters and if it does not work, move on and find another. I am at the age where it is the last chance I have for a relationship to work out.

Besides, being in an office romance is not all a bed of roses. We may see each other day in day out, but then, it is different when you are a couple and you see each other but not let on that you are seeing each other. And if the romance fails, it will be too unbearable since we will still see each other around.

And then there were other doubts. We have been meeting up almost every Saturday, and sometimes after work, and he is always so nice, so caring and so sweet, and I wondered if it was because he was only pursuing me. But then, sincerity and commitment do show, during our chatting sessions, during our outings. I daresay he has earned my trust that he is a real swell guy.

I showed my best friend his photo and sounded her out on this issue. She said that in the first place, she does not think the two guys look that alike since our friend is more refined and scholarly-looking. And she says to go ahead as long as I am happy and sure.

I was looking for someone who is smart, a graduate, of the same religion, a metrosexual, an interesting person, someone fun to be with, someone caring and chivalrous, someone mature, independent and committed.

So he is not a graduate. That does not make him any less smart. He is not of the same religion, but at least he lets me believe in what I believe in, and never puts down my religion, which is more than I can say for some other guys.

He is rather quiet and shy (as evidenced that he took so long just to talk to me, if it is true that he had noticed me for quite some time, as he claimed), and he is a homely guy. Where can you find a homely guy nowadays?

But he is mature, independent (since he moved out to stay on his own a few years back), responsible, filial (he still visits his parents every week and bring them out, but not to the extent of being a mummy’s boy), committed and good with children (he babysits his sister’s kids whenever she needs him), and that is what most girls want. Once girls are past the stage where they no longer go for “bad” guys, they will want someone stable to be with.

But the thing is all these criteria which I listed out are not important. What is important is he really loves me, he really does things out of his own accord to make me happy. I have finally found someone who loves me more than I love him, and someone who is so committed and really into me. Is that not what I always want – a guy who really loves me?

He supports everything I do. I can go for my singing, my studies, my dancing, my church activities, and he will just ask me to go ahead. He says he does not believe in restricting others from what they want to do.

Every time we go out, he will always go wherever I go, do whatever I do. And he always insists on a place near my home so it will be safer for me to go home, no matter how far from his home the place is.

In comparison, the guys I have been with are my age, and they are too self-centred. My exs always asked me to meet them at their homes, or near their areas, as they did not like to go too far away. Yet they never wanted to meet me near my area.

I used to have to justify my actions to others, explain why I wanted to take up so many activities, put up with tantrums whenever I could not meet up due to my activities. I used to have to follow people around to do what they want. I used to spend my time catering to others’ wishes.

Now I realize I have been such a fool. Why did I ever have to put up with all these? I used to think that if one loves someone, it does not matter, but clearly it was always me who seemed to love others more.

But now I have never felt so well taken care of, so loved. I have never felt so happy in a relationship before. This is the first relationship I am in that I do not even need to do much, yet so many things are being done for me.

I never knew what is true, selfless love until now. And my mum’s words finally made sense to me – to find an older guy, as an older guy is really different from a younger one. The maturity level and security is really there.

Now I know why so many girls go for guys so much older. And it is not for money (well, at least not for my case), but because older guys (at least for me and my friends’ cases) really know how to treat their girlfriends well, and think of the girls’ welfare first instead of themselves.

I can forever go around finding the perfect one, but in this case, I will lose the perfect one for me. Just like in the local movie “I Do, I Do”, the lead actress learnt that the perfect guy for her is not that perfect after all, and the one whom she deems as “not good enough” is actually the one that truly loves her and will sacrifice himself just for her.

The lesson is not to be so choosy, as sometimes the one whom you deem as really for you may not necessarily be the one that is true to you. I learnt the hard way that for a girl to be truly happy, find a guy who will go out of the way to make her happy and not the other way.

I do not know how the future will be (although I do want us to last), but I know if I let him go and not give him a chance, I will regret it for life. And I am sure never going to screw up this time round. Which means, I am attached, again!

Going University - Not Just For Studying?

I always get irritated whenever someone tells me that a university education is useless, especially for my type of major. These same people said that having a degree does not guarantee lots of money and career prospects, so why must I waste my time and money?

Needless to say, these same people are those who stopped schooling after ‘O’ levels or diploma, and would rather take the years to go out and earn a living than to continue studying and waste more years, as they think that no matter how much one studies, it does not help in the job.

It is alright how they think, but what I find disappointing is that is money and career prospects all people care for? And what makes them think that a tertiary education is only for those who want to study? If a degree is not important and does not help in jobs, why are the jobs all looking for graduates?

When I gave up law, most of my friends scoffed at me, saying that I wasted an opportunity and if I had a law degree, I could be very established and earning lots of money now. When I went into teaching, they scoffed at me even more, saying that why would I want to give up something that would earn me three times the amount for something that is so thankless?

If is as if they let cash run their lives. Even my mum, to a certain extent, told me to get a job that can give me good prospects and good increment, rather than something that would ultimately made me stagnant. Thus she is not approving of the idea of me being a music teaching, as she always feels that there is no prospect and I will not be able to grow in my job.

What irritates me even more is that now when I finally have the chance to further my studies, people ask me why I want to do that for? I said I want to learn more things, and also my parents will like me to have higher education. And these people have the impertinence to ask me why I am letting my parents run my life? If I do not want to study, no one can make me.

No doubt I wanted to give up studying after my ‘O’ levels, but now I want to study more. I want to upgrade. I want to have higher education. I have wanted that ever since I graduated the first time round. They have no right to say anything about my parents, whether or not my parents are the ones who want me to study is none of anyone’s business.

But going to university and struggling for a degree is not just to secure a future. Whether we will be working or not, whatever we will be working as in the future is irrelevant. A university education, or any tertiary education per se, lets you gain knowledge, make new friends, participate in activities, immerse in all the fun antics of campus life.

All these experiences are so enriching that I will never trade them for anything else in the world! No amount of money or bright career prospects can ever take away these memories and times which will stay with me for a lifetime.

So actually entering tertiary education is the best thing I have ever done, although I never wanted to admit that in the past. And for those who think only dumb people will continue studying after their ‘O’ levels instead of going out to make money, then (although I hate to say this) I think these people are the dumbest of all!

Dilemma Dilemma Dilemma!

I have finally recovered, thank goodness! And everything turns out well in the end. I went on a marvellous date yesterday where we watched two movies, "Big Momma's House 2" and "Underworld : Evolution", had lunch at Billy Bombers, dinner at Pizza Hut, took a long stroll along Bedok Reservoir, then had supper near my area.

Today there was no conflict with my mum. I went for the Rite of Sending in the morning and the Rite of Election in the afternoon. She did not say anything to me except to ask if I would be coming home for dinner before I went out this morning.

The ceremonial rites gave me mixed feelings, especially the sermon and blessing by the Archbishop himself. I was so touched that I almost cried! It is like after such a long journey, this is now the final lap leading to the actual day itself.

Emotions wise, I have been thinking of a certain issue lately. A certain friend was asking that perhaps I should revise my criteria of what I look for in a partner. If I am able to revise in the first place, I would have done so already.

The thing is that I came up with all these criteria after suffering in a few previous relationships. When I ended my last relationship, I told myself that I will only be with certain types of guys. Never will I be with someone who throws tantrums, or someone who cares more about his body-building than anything else, or someone who is such a mummy's boy.

Then when I met someone else in my life, I thought he was the perfect one for me. He is smart, interesting, bubbly, friendly, musically-inclined, ambitious, nice to people, of the same religion, a graduate, knowledgeable and takes pride in his appearance.

It was the first time I met a guy who is so good in everything he does, who can carry on such interesting conversations, who can talk about anything under the sun. I thought I found the perfect one for me, and somehow I never found someone else like that. I told myself when I find someone, it has to be someone who fits all these criteria. Plus being responsible, reliable, chivalrous, romantic, supportive and understanding.

But then, like what my cousin told me once, even if I like someone, that person may not necessarily like me, and vice versa. Does everything I set out to look for really matter as long as both of us can get along very well, and he really likes me?

I wanted to find someone perfect (as in able to fulfil what I look for) as I never want to be hurt again. My friends all have a certain type of criteria what they look for in guys, so I never thought it anything wrong to look for a certain type. Which was partly why I rejected a few guys last year, but anyway, most of them are just out for flings, so they deserve to be rejected.

My friends told me that it is better to find a guy that is totally into you, be it the type of guy I am looking for or not. What are the qualities that I can compromise on then? The last thing I want is to be with someone who ends up not being my type, then I end up wasting my time and life away again.

But now that I am having such a good time with this guy, and he is really really good to me. He does not smoke, drink, take drugs or indulge in nightlife. He goes home after work, and spends time with his family on Sundays. I feel so wild and unfilial as compared to him.

Shall I then just go ahead, revise my criteria and accept him, or shall I still look for someone better that can fulfil what I look for? Is searching for the perfect one really that important? After all, it is going to be for the rest of my life, or even then, a big part of my life. Should I settle for someone who does not have everything I look for?

Being A Classy Person ....

Some years ago, I attended a dressing style and grooming workshop which was on the suitable colours, styles and behaviour I can carry off. It was a one-day comprehensive workshop on presenting oneself with a good image and social etiquette. In other words, teaching one how to be a “classier” person.

But what exactly is a “classy” person? How can one tell? Perhaps a “classy” person shows in behaviour, speech and appearance. If one sees an elegant or smart-looking suave person, one normally forms the impression that he / she is classy.

Rich people are normally classy, in the way they dress, speak and behave. It is as if it is in their blood to behave in a certain way and portray a certain image. On the other hand, people who are not so well-off may never be able to reach that standard, even with training.

And some heartlanders (basing on my own observations on certain behaviour, not condemning all) behave in a way that totally put people off, what others will deem as “low-class” and “uncouth” behaviour.

I am not sure about guys, but a typical “classy” lady is one who is well-groomed from head to toe and well-behaved. She is well-coordinated from the hair to the face to the teeth to the clothes to the figure to the nails to the shoes. She has the right hairstyle, the right makeup, the right clothes, the right shoes and the right manicure and pedicure for every occasion.

But this is just appearance wise. She also knows how to walk properly in an elegant manner. Real ladies do not sashay or walk, they glide in a graceful fashion. She knows the right words to speak, often communicating well fluently in whatever language she is speaking, smiling and flashing her pearly whites at everyone. She will have both outer and inner beauty.

She does not go out of the house with unkempt hair, nor does she scream and shout in an awful manner, nor does she spit or smoke all over in public, nor does she speak or behave like an uneducated “auntie”.

Despite all unfairness, appearances and behaviour do play a part in making the right friends and finding the right partner. If we behave in a certain way, we will attract a certain type of people. So if we behave in a “classy” manner, chances are we will attract the same type. If we behave like an uneducated “auntie”, then we will likely attract that type.

When I say “attract”, I mean able to befriend people who are really serious and sincere, not people who are only out for flings. I am also still trying to behave like a real lady in every aspect, then perhaps the type of people I meet will be different. I may start meeting the type of people I really want to meet from then on.

Fuming Mad!

I am so mad at my mum! I am almost thirty years old and she still insists I have to do everything she says. Normally I will do it but this time round she is being so unreasonable and difficult again!

This Sunday happens to be the first of a series of Sundays before my baptism where I will receive the Rite of Election and Rite of Sending. I have already been told to keep the subsequent Sundays free for all the rites of baptism, culminating to the actual day. And the Sundays will be fully booked as besides the normal mass in the morning, there will be the rites in the afternoon.

So my maid is off this Sunday, and my mum has to go for her secondary school lunch reunion. She said I am not allowed to go out on Sunday as she needs someone around to babysit (yes, BABYSIT) my brother, my EIGHTEEN-YEAR-OLD brother. Can you believe that?!

I told her that this Sunday is really a bad timing because I need to be around for my baptism rites, and she just cut me off. She said enough nonsense from me. I have never done anything for the home, anything for the family, and she just needed that one day and I give so many excuses.

She said she told me to stay around, so it is my choice whether I want to, and it is also my choice whether I want to continue living under her roof. Yeah, right, I would have moved out long ago but for the lack of cash and housing.

She told me to cancel my baptism if everything clashes. Does she even know how much this means to me?! One month before the actual day, and she throws this in my face?! I tried to reason with her, saying that it is not my own timing, as it is the timing set aside by the Archbishop himself. I already got my cousin to be my godmother to be around during that time.

So everything clashes. Is it my fault then? I was free the past two Sundays, yet no one asked for anything. It just so happens I will not be free for this month. It is beyond my control too, since everything has already been scheduled.

What have I done for this family, this home? I give her part of my salary ever since I started working. I had to do all the household chores when my maid is not around. And I had to babysit my brothers even well into their teenage years. And I have to bring my grandmother around each time there is no one around.

Why does she never ask if any of my brothers have ever done anything for the home? They throw their clothes around, expecting me to pick up after them, leave their dirty dishes around without bothering to at least put it back into the sink, take money from her anytime they need, just laze around without doing anything, and scream and shout at my grandma each time she tried to talk to them.

Am I not entitled to have my own life? Is it my fault that everything is scheduled around this time? And why does anyone need to look after an eighteen-year-old spoilt brat who does not listen to anyone in the first place?!

I am so fuming mad! Call me selfish, self-centred, whatsoever, but I have enough of all these. Just when I am at the final stage towards being an actual child of God, and I get this type of thing from the very person who is supposedly closest to me, the very person whom I want support for this more than anyone else. I really feel like running away from home sometimes!

Holding Back ....

I went back to work today despite the sniffles, itchy throat and throbbing head. Besides I think I will get more sick staying at home, and I still needed to attend a lecture in the evening. So I have to pull out of the performance this Saturday, but what to do? I am in no state to sing anything.

Lately I am thinking just what exactly am I waiting for? He specially came all the way from his place to meet me at my place on Sunday, brought me out for supper and we went near my area to eat durian, and had a long walk back.

He kept sending me messages on Tuesday and Wednesday when he knew I was sick. He took a train and wanted to come to my place to meet me yesterday, but I told him not to travel so far, so I met him halfway.

No doubt I was not feeling that well, but I was sick of being sick at home, and wanted to go out for some fresh air. We met for dinner and he brought me to a watch shop and bought me a Baby-G watch, before seeing me home!

I cannot believe he actually remembers that I want a new Baby-G although I have only mentioned it once! I felt so bad because goodness knows how much he has spent on me in just less than a week!

I feel as if I owe him something big, but he said that to love a person, as long as he / she is happy that is all that matters. And loving a person means going all out to make him / her happy. When I went home yesterday, I cried. I was so touched and that was truly the first time in my life that I have been so well-treated by a guy!

Why do I not just accept his advances? Am I still waiting for the perfect one to appear? I do not even know what I am still holding back for. Perhaps because he does not meet all my criteria of what I want in a partner? Then shall I continue looking for the perfect one?

To Hell .... And Back

Well well, so the truth is out. If you remember my post on the Seven Deadly Sins some time ago, I claimed that I will be condemned to hell based on gluttony, sloth, anger, envy, pride and greed. So I took this quiz from Ole Wolvie's page and affirmed that I will be condemned to hell. So..... sooner or later, I will have to say "hi" to the devil!

Greed:	Medium
Gluttony:	Medium
Wrath:	Very Low
Sloth:	High
Envy:	Low
Lust:	Very Low
Pride:	Medium

Discover Your Sins - Click Here

Restroom Woes ....

Why do some girls take such a long time in the restroom? And it is not as if they take so long to preen and touch up their makeup in front of the mirror, but they take a long time in the cubicle. That explains why the female restrooms always have a long queue and the queue never seem to move, as some girls just like to hog the cubicles.

I definitely will not spend that long in the restroom. Just go in, do what is needed, wash my hands, maybe touch up a little, and out I go. If I am lucky and there is no queue and I am the only one in the restroom, I can be out in a few minutes.

During those lucky times, those guys I was out with were surprised that I was already out waiting for them, as they would expect it to be the other way round. They thought that girls would normally spend a long time in the restroom.

Yup, other girls but not me. I can never understand why some girls like the restroom so much and stay in there until goodness knows when. I would have thought that is the last place anyone will want to spend a long time in.

Those times when I was unlucky and there was a very long queue, I would pity my poor friend who had to wait for me outside. I always feel bad keeping others waiting, so as far as I can help it, I always try not to make people wait for me.

By the time I came out of the restroom, I would apologise, but most often than not, the guy would say it was expected since girls always take a long time in the restroom. Luckily the guys I hang out with are pretty nice! Some guys are so petty that they would get irritated if you even keep them waiting for a minute.

I really wonder what those girls who hog the cubicle do in there. Seriously, does one need that long to do whatever business you need to do? I was in a Ladies queue of eight people, where I was the last in line. Of course the line became longer after I went in. The restroom had four cubicles. The first lady went into the second cubicle, and the rest of the cubicles were still occupied.

I was feeling so uncomfortable as that was after a long movie and was swearing under my breath at those inconsiderate people who hogged the cubicles without caring how they were holding up the queue.

Why would there be a queue? Because people need to go! And instead of hogging the cubicles, the least one can do is to finish whatever you need to do and get out so the next person can use. Do people think others have nothing better to do than to queue in the restroom?

Anyway, by the time my queue reached the seventh person, more than five minutes had elapsed. By the time my turn came, the first person in the second cubicle still had not come out. So after I went in and came out of the cubicle, the rest had not come out since the lady behind me was still in the queue. Whatever were they doing inside?

Sometimes, one needs to wait a long time even when there was no queue. I was in a restroom where there was only one cubicle, and it was occupied. I was the next one but whoever was inside took such a long time.

At times when people had an urgent call of nature, one can hear through the closed door. But that particular person inside was so quiet that I wondered if she had fallen asleep or fainted. It seemed like eternity when she finally came out, and by the time I was finally out of the restroom, my friend had already finished eating (I went in just when his food arrived).

I am not averse to using public restrooms, although I wish people would not spend such a long time in there. I always think that if one needs to go, just make do with whichever restroom one can find. I have friends who refuse to use the public restrooms as they are so paranoid they may catch some incurable disease since anyone can have access to them.

I know someone who drove all the way back from his neighbourhood shopping mall to his house just to use the restroom back home. And some years back, a couple of my schoolmates went all the way back to school from the food centre behind just to use the restroom. Why so drastic? It is more harmful to one’s health if you control and keep it all in you.

I just wish those girls who hog the cubicle have the sense to come out quickly, especially when they know there is a long queue, instead of lingering around inside. There may be people suffering from incontinence or diarrhea, so may not be able to control as well as others. Do be more considerate to your own fellowman (fellow-woman?), because you are not the only ones who need to use the restroom.

Idealism Vs Realism

Why am I still not recovering? I had already taken the afternoon off yesterday, plus a full day today. At this rate, I may have to pull out of the performance on Saturday. How am I going to sing in this state? Hoping for a miracle in just a few more days.

A lot of people are not able to differentiate between idealism and realism. Idealistically, a lot of things are possible and can be done. Boy meets girl, both fall in love, stay together, get married and live happily ever after.

Or a school-leaver goes out looking for a job and able to snag the first job he / she applies for that also happens to be the dream job. Or someone grows up in a family with perfect parents and well-behaved siblings who never gave any trouble.

But in reality, this is often not the case. How many interviews do one have to go to and how many rejections does one face before he / she finally gets a job? And the job may not even be the one he / she wants, but at times like these, one just have to take whatever there is available.

How many relationships do people have to go through and how often do people just fall in love with each other just like that? Often than not, one party would reject and got rejected, and people go in and out of relationships. Not everything is so smooth-sailing.

How many people do we know that can meet our criteria of a perfect partner? No one is perfect. So what do we do? Continue seeking for the perfect person, or just be with someone not as perfect but yet true to you?

How many people actually grow up in a family where there has never been any conflict with parents or siblings? None I know actually. When I was in school, I heard my friends complaining about how naggy their parents were, and how their parents favoured their siblings over them.

Does that mean one has to stop dreaming? Does that mean one has to stop seeking for what one wants and just stick to what is most practicable? Does that mean one gives up on everything altogether?

So you do not get the dream job. Does that mean you give up job-hunting and wait for the dream job to fall on your laps?

So you have been dumped many times and the guy / girl you like has no feelings towards you. Does that mean you give up on love totally?

So you are not able to find the perfect person. Does that mean you reject anyone that does not meet your criteria, no matter how nice they are to you?

So your parents and siblings are not perfect. But they are also humans who err. Does that mean you cut yourself totally off from them?

Idealistically, there are a lot of things we may want, but in reality, things just do not happen according to how we like them to happen. So what happens? Grieve over it, get over it, then move on. Continue dreaming and one of these days, your dreams and reality may just infuse and you will then be a very happy person.