Building Bridges ...

I went for the second CHOICE follow-up after the AWARE forum today. The reflection is on "Building Bridges". Essentially, we had to draw the bridges, and think about our past, present and future. The foundation stones are those that define us, who we are and the people around us. Then the bride defines where we are now, and then right at the end the bridge defines where we will be.



So while drawing the bridge, it kept me thinking of the people and events that have shaped me. Such is the wonder of CHOICE, it really helps in self-reflection and to face the past so we can move on to the future.



People who have shaped me are of course my parents, my mother especially, and my relatives whom I am close to. Then the bridge represents my present success - a good job, good friends, great guy to be with, and the little things in life that I have to be grateful for.



And the edge of the bridge represents my future - what I hope to be. I hope to get my current degree, go on for post-graduate studies, get a practising certificate, buy a car and a house, get married and have at least three children, travel around the world and experience as many things as possible.



An impossible feat? I guess nothing is impossible. I saw a T-shirt once with the slogan IMPOSSIBLE = I M POSSIBLE. How true! And that is how my bridges are going to be!

Celebrating Christmas ...

At the Advent sharing today, we were talking about Christmas and how each one used to celebrate Christmas. I always listen in envy whenever someone mentions about their Christmas tree, decorations, parties and gatherings, because my family does not celebrate Christmas.

I never have a Christmas tree nor decorations because my parents do not see the need for those. Hence I could only read books and imagine how decorating a Christmas tree and baking a pie would be like.

The Christmas trees and parties I came across were those of my relatives. When we were still young, we would be invited to a Christmas party during the eve at my aunt's place, especially when my Australian relatives were back visiting. There would be games, presents, Christmas goodies and of course the tree!

Some of my relatives would take turns hosting, so we would go to a different party every year. Now that we are all grown and most of my cousins have married with some living abroad, we do not have these parties for the past several years anymore.

So this year, my Christmas wish is to have an old-fashioned Christmas. There will be a Christmas tree which I want to decorate from scratch, decorations around and outside the house, snow falling outside, and come Christmas Eve, everyone in the family will come back and we will feast on roast beef, Christmas pudding, singing carols by the fire and spreading some cheer.

A simple wish, but who am I kidding? Where I stay there is no old-fashioned Christmas, no snow falling down, no door-to-door carol singers, no fireplace, and no Christmas pudding. Oh well... I can still dream, can I not?

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Great "Projects" On Hand

Greatly inspired, I have embarked on a few projects on my own. First up is the great reading project, where I intend to finish thirty books a year. That averages to two books per month. I suppose if I say four books a month (a book a week) is stretching things a bit. I used to be able to finish a book a day, but I find the older I get, the more I slow down, in terms of everything.

Next up is the great food project, where I have made up a list of eating places I intend to explore. Come to think of it, there are really lots of places in every nook and cranny. One can find an eating place at every corner! Hence, if I explore one every two weeks, it will take me at least two years or so to exhaust my current list, notwithstanding new places that will prop up!

Next is the great cooking project, where I intend to come up and try a new recipe every week. I suppose if I say everyday it will really be stretching things a bit. Recipes include tried and tested recipes from cookbooks, as well as recipes I thought up on my own, using whatever ingredients I can find from home.

Next is the great driving project. After many delays and procrastination, I must get my manual license by my birthday next year. No more delays! About time I finally learn how to handle a manual car!

Next is the great study project, where I finish my second degree, get a masters, and hopefully try for a practicing license. About time I start to think where my career track is going, whether do I want to continue being a paid employee or venture out on my own?

Next is the great slimming project, where I need to shape up, lose weight and get back my original figure. Which means cut down on temptations (very hard as I love food!) and lead a healthier life. Someone has said to bring me cycling, jogging and trekking, so perhaps I may just be able to slim down?

Finally, it is the great saving project. I need to get my finances in check and seriously save up for the future if I intend on achieving certain things in life. That means owning a place and car of my own, and perhaps starting a family too.

As with every project, there is a deadline. For the first three and the sixth, the deadline will be thirty-first December next year. The fourth I am trying my best to push it for end October next year. The fifth I am pushing it for four years. And for the final one, well, that is still open, but in any case, I hope to achieve all these before I turn another decade older!

I believe with prayers, determination and perseverance, I should be able to achieve all these as and when I want to!

My Dream House, Part Deux

Some time ago, I thought of how my dream house (apartment) would be like. Now, for daring to dream, I have been thinking in the event a miracle happens and I am able to afford a landed property, or able to buy over my parents’ place in the near future, what will that look like?

Nowadays the modern houses are getting taller with a more open concept. The living room will have a chandelier, like my living room now. There will be a guest room and bathroom after the living room, as well as another room for the music room, where all the instruments (especially the grand piano) will be kept. There will also be a games and karaoke room. The living room will have sliding doors which open to the driveway in front, and a koi pond beside, and a swimming pool behind. Of course there will be an entertainment system in the living room too.

Downstairs in the basement, there will be two kitchens – one for cooking, one for baking. The main kitchen will be an open kitchen where the divider also serves as a bar counter. And there will be a wine cellar, or at least a wine storage cabinet! There will also be an indoor dining room, which opens out onto a patio and an outdoor dining room and barbecue area.

The second floor will consist of the study and children’s rooms. There will be at least three bedrooms on the second floor. The third floor will consist of the master bedroom (with an attached bathroom, walk-in wardrobe, and a sliding door that opens out onto a balcony area), as well as a home theatre room, where there will be shelves opening to show all the CDs / DVDs. There will be a big plasma television with surround sound, as well as stereo system for endless movie watching and music listening.

There will be a television, DVD player and mini CD player radio set in every room, for ease of television or movie watching and music listening. There will also be a bookshelf and study desk in every room to encourage reading and proper habits since young.

On the top floor is the attic. It will also serve as the library. There will be shelves of books, a reading couch with a lamp and another stereo CD player radio set for endless hours of reading and music listening. The top floor will also be a place where I (or any of my family members) go reflect, or simply want to be alone. The attic will then open out onto a roof garden, where there can be roof get-togethers, parties or drinking sessions for family and friends.

And that is the concept of my dream house. As I said, it is my dream house, so for now, it still remains a dream.

A Little Inkling ....

The one month hiatus has been good. It makes me more focused on certain issues at hand. First and foremost, what do I want to do? I have tried a variety of jobs, from music and education to private practice to in-house. There are reports on lawyers leaving the practice to be chefs, bakers, lecturers, entrepreneurs, actors, etc.

For instance, Wild Rocket restaurant at Mount Emily (and the adjoining bar) is set up by a former lawyer. So is Awfully Chocolate. Local drama personalities like Neo Swee Lin (who happened to be my senior in secondary school), Ivan Heng (who directed me for the Madame Butterfly performance) and Adrian Pang were all lawyers. One of the baritones in the Singapore Lyric Opera where I used to be a member was a lawyer, and he gave up practice to go to Italy to study voice.

Which makes me wonder, do I want to be in this line for life? I like variety. I always believe that variety is the spice of life. Which makes others feel that I cannot settle or be committed to anything. But the fact is if I am stuck doing the same things day in day out, I will be bored to death!

A few years back, I was thinking of setting up a café. This is nothing to do with anyone, but it was just an idea I had. In fact, when I was still with my then-boyfriend in university, we ever joked that if we retired next time, we would open up an eatery. Alas, it was not a joke for me, as the seeds of the plan already started being implanted in my head.

Then he had a stint in Starbucks during school vacations, where whenever I popped in to his outlet, he would concoct his own coffee just for me. It was a decaf mocha freeze, but it tasted really good! He refused to tell me how he made that, but I loved it! I started thinking if he and I owned a café, we would concoct our own brew!

Needless to say, due to circumstances, the café plan was shelved. Until two years back. I was again sharing this plan with someone, who said he would support me and we would run it together. But then, circumstances happened again, so again, this was shelved.

Lately, this idea has been pretty strong in my mind. I even thought up the concept of the café – Victorian theme, quaint design. It will be a bookshop within a café, where people can go in and read or buy books, drink coffee, with variety of cakes, cookies, cupcakes and muffins. There will be a grand piano and a small platform for live band performances and dancing.

I know that running an eatery is not easy, especially in the local context where the competition is so intense. First and foremost, I need to find capital, which I am severely lacking of right now, in order to run a café. Secondly, I must find a good location, good interior decorators, good staff, all these of which I am also lacking, since even though I know quite a number of people, I do not know enough people to be able to convince them to drop everything to work for me.

Thus, the seeds are still planted in my mind, but they cannot be sown at this moment. Maybe one of these days this dream will come true, but for now, it remains just a dream. There are so many dreams I have, which I do hope all can come true in my lifetime at least, then I can die with no regrets!

The Central Business District

In my younger years, I could hardly wait to get out to work. Which was why I took an accelerated course in the university so I could start working and earning my keep fast. A stupid idea, now come to think of it. I should have just taken my time and enjoyed myself more. What possessed me to want to get out into the working world so fast, now that I wish I can go back to be a full-time student?

I guess I was captivated by corporate warriors in their corporate suits, fighting fire during board meetings, making themselves seem so important. I yearned to be like that. Why, I have no idea! I just thought it will be a sense of achievement to be one of those suited executives making boardroom decisions.

My first job was not a suited executive, and I did not make boardroom decisions. In fact, I was often thumbed down whenever I had ideas but they were not in line with policies and rules and procedures. I went in with the basis that I had a passion for the job, but after a few years, I could stand it no longer and decided to leave.

Hence I started fulfilling my childhood dream of being a suited executive in the business district. But reality is not the same as fantasy. I realise there is no need to wear any suits in the office. Even the men do not wear suits! I do not even need to wear the frumpy blouse and A-line skirt combination! And unless you are a director of the company, otherwise you never have to make any boardroom decisions.

I learnt that very early and was a tad disappointed. What really disappointed me further was I never even had to make any decisions, just had to follow instructions. After being able to make some decisions and having autonomy in my first job, it was quite a big change from being a sort of a leader to a mere follower. But work is work, unless I can live on air, otherwise I just have to do it.

Through the years, my career has been bouncy. I tried working in various places, but either I do not have the appropriate qualifications nor the experience. Until my big break came three years back. At that moment, I wanted so much to get out of the business district, and my wish came true, as I found a job that not only helped my career, but made me learn a lot and it was out of the business district as well!

I would not have left save for the unhealthy working environment which got worse through the years. Furthermore, I started to feel stagnated after two years. I have learnt whatever I could there and it was time to move on. Hence, a better job offer came at the right time, and now I am back to being a corporate lady (not a suited one though) in the business district.

I have forgotten how expensive things are in the Central Business District. I took for granted in my previous company, there is a convenience stall next to the building, so I could always go down for a tea break, buy some snacks and candy, and have my daily dose of chocolate. Then I cut down since I thought the things there are expensive.

Until I went back to the business district. Now, there is a convenience stall next to my office building too, so I go there sometimes to buy snacks and candy. However, the same items cost almost twice as much here as compared to my previous place! Five dollars could buy me quite a few things in the past, whereas now I can get only two items at the most!

The advantage is that because it is the business district with a very big lunch crowd, there is no lack of eating places here. Even though the place can get very crowded at times, at least the food is nice and cheap. There are no lack of eating places at my previous work place too (although not as much variety), and much less crowded, but the price of the food there is a killer! Now I can take the same food and quantity at just half the price! So I guess that kind of balances out!

Luckily my office is at the end of the business district, so the crowd is not that bad, as compared to the beginning and middle part. I used to work around that area, so I could hardly wait to get out of there as I felt so claustrophobic and uncomfortable due to the lunch crowd. Now that I am a bit further down, things seem better - for now that is!

Missing A Groom :-p

That day, at my cousin's wedding reception, I really like the gown she has on. It is a tube dress, A-line skirt, plain and simple design with not much frills and laces. It flatters her figure, at the same time does not seem too heavy or overflowing. Just the kind of gown design I like. I was commenting that her gown is really nice, when my mum, always trying to take the opportunity, told her, in front of me, that she also likes the gown, and hopes to see me in one like that soon. Hmmmm......

In one of my earlier posts, I did mention that I have an idea of how my own wedding will be like. I guess it was because of this that in the end I never did marry someone, because he had his own idea too, and needless to say, our ideas were very different from each other's. I have an idea of the schedule for the day, which church and which venue for the reception. I even have a theme, the kind of dress I like, the decorations involved. All I need now is a groom. :-p

But a dream is just a dream, ideals are just ideals. We may have all the ideals, but in the end, the reality is that things may not turn out the way we envision. At the end of the day, I want a marriage, for life, not just a wedding, for a day.

So, not to dash my mum's hopes and wishes, even though no matter how much I hope to, I do not think I will be getting hitched any time soon. As it is, after the couple of false starts, my social life has gone a real low, with no one of real potential in sight.

A Decade Of Dreams And Aspirations

Every ten years, I would look back on the decade and think of what had happened, and compare it to what I envisioned would happen. Of course when I was ten years old, I was still a little girl struggling with her studies.

But I remember the year I turned ten, that was when my youngest brother was born. He was just a couple of months old when he had to be hospitalised. My parents took turns being in the hospital with him, while supervising me with my examinations at the same time.

Looking back, I was really selfish, as I blamed my parents for neglecting me, so deliberately did badly in my studies, and I told my parents it was a test whether they still cared for me. Needless to say they got really hurt and angry.

But then I was a mere ten year old kid. How would I understand the big picture? Luckily I managed to do well enough in my final examinations to go on to the next level.

When I was ten, I started thinking of what I would be doing ten years down the road. Being young and also due to family influence, I thought I would enter secondary school, then junior college, then university.

I thought I would study medicine, then changed my mind to teaching, then journalism then finally law. I thought I would even go overseas to further my studies. After that, I had a rebellious streak and seriously thought of giving up my studies after secondary school as I was under so much stress and unhappiness trying to keep up with my more talented relatives.

The year I was twenty, I started thinking about what had happened in the past decade. I have finished school at least. I screwed up, forfeiting a chance for a scholarship to study overseas. And I was on the verge of failing law school, dashing my dream of becoming a prosecutor.

But I was given a second chance, by majoring in arts and education. I had a failed relationship, but was really happy with the guy who would propose to me later on. Even then, I knew he was the one I wanted to be with, to marry.

I had plans. I thought after graduation, I would work for a year, then get hitched. We would have our first kid by twenty-seven and the last kid by thirty-five. Both of us wanted five kids - three boys and two girls. We even had names for the kids!

I thought by thirty, I would be promoted to a departmental head at least, and started teaching a higher level. Or specialise solely in music education.

But the best laid plans of mice and men often do not flow smoothly. One can have all the plans, positively knowing what one wants and where to go, and what to do, but in the end, a lot of things are beyond our control.

For instance, how would I know I would end up leaving the education sector? How would I know I would go back into the legal field? How would I know I would have a broken engagement? And how would I know I would never be able to find another guy I really want to be with and who really wants to be with me since then?

People always say one must plan for the future. True, one should always plan. But sometimes, one can do all the planning, but in the end the plans may fall through. So is it better to just live each day and take things as it comes, or is it better to plan, but in the end the plans may not be feasible?

Now that it is almost another decade, I want to look back and see how many of my plans have come true. Honestly? None. Well, perhaps one, as in graduate and teach. As for the rest, I am still living each day and taking things as they come.

There are concrete plans of course for the next decade, but these are just goals which I hope to work towards, but no longer will I be so sure my plans will become feasible, unless my life is going somewhere in every aspect.

Like for the next ten years, I hope to be able to get a Masters, and even a PhD if possible. I want to complete a performance certificate in piano, and take up another instrument or two. Career wise, I may stay on for another few years or so, then after my post-graduate studies I want to see if I can go into the journalism line, or even lecture.

I want to be able to find someone to settle down with. If that is possible, I hope to have at least two to three kids (five is impossible now). Once I have kids, I may not want to work full-time. I will probably work part-time like lecturing or tutoring, and teach music, something flexible, so I can dedicate more time and attention to the kids.

But, like the past two decades, whatever I planned for often do not come true in the end. So for now, I just live each day to the fullest and see what the future brings.

My Dream House

Hearing the complaints my best friend has with the interior designer that did her flat, makes me determined to decorate my own place myself in the future. Come to think of it, I have never really thought about what my own place will look like.

Few years back, when my ex and I were undergoing wedding preparations, his dad actually bought a new flat as a wedding gift for us (or rather, for when he got married). Apparently, the flat has since been sold so he and his current wife bought a new place together.

I was not really happy with the place because firstly, it was in one of the new far northeastern estates, which was rather inconvenient to get to and very out of the way. Secondly, the flat was so small! The living room was extremely big, but the bedrooms were small! The master bedroom only had the space for a double bed, cupboard and dresser!

But that point in time, we were of the opinion that it was already very lucky we did not need to get a place ourselves, so decided to just make do with it.

I am used to a big bedroom. My bedroom is already the smallest amongst all the bedrooms, since I am the only one occupying it. Yet, it has the space to put in a queen-sized bed, my electone, a chest of drawers, two big wardrobes, a bookshelf and a study / writing table, with space to spare! I still have wall space to hang a thousand-piece jigsaw puzzle, and two big windows wall to wall!

Okay, I know I cannot compare this way because a mere flat or apartment definitely does not have the space for such a big bedroom. Actually I do not need to stay in a landed place all the time. A mere flat or apartment will suffice.

But it has to have at least three bedrooms. Of course, the living room and dining room has to be separated. The kitchen must have an oven where I can bake to my heart's content, as well as a dish washer for the convenience of washing dishes. A portion of the living room can be partitioned off to make into a study, where the computers and working area is.

One bedroom will be converted to a library / music studio, where I can store all my books, the piano, the electone and whatever other instruments I may get in the future. So whenever I am in the mood to read, I can go there and lounge on the reading couch, or play a tune on the piano or electone.

The second bedroom will be used as the parents' / kids' / guest room, whatever that comes then. And of course, the master bedroom will consist of a king-size bed, a dressing table, a writing desk and a walk-in wardrobe leading to the attached bathroom. The walk-in wardrobe can also be used to store whatever books that cannot be fit into the bookshelf.

As for the bathroom, there will be a bathtub together with a separate glass-enclosed standing shower. I always love soaking in the tub, except my parents worry I may drown so they never install any bathtubs in my bathroom.

And of course, there will be a television set and DVD player in the master bedroom, as well as the living room. The music studio will be exclusively for music and reading, so no television sets or DVD players will be put in there. The master bedroom will also have a portable CD-player-cum-radio-cum-alarm clock.

The guest room will also have a television set and DVD player. In this way, everyone can watch their respective programs without fighting over the television. The living room will also have a surround sound system for great movie watching, or music appreciation, since the stereo / CD player will also be there. I like to have great surround sound, as that will be like being in a real cinema or theatre!

The doors will be made of rose wood, and painted white, with gold door knobs (the horizontal types, not the round types). The walls will be off white, more towards cream. The window grilles will be white, in those British-style (that have six squares in one window pane) tinted glass, and the windows will be those that require to be pushed open or pulled back to close, not the sliding types.

There will be hanging lights, instead of the normal lights. The sofa will be cream-coloured suede, L-shaped, with heart-shaped cushions. If there is a balcony, I will like to put a small round table with a couple of chairs so whenever I am in the mood, I can sit there and just gaze out at the surroundings.

So there, that is the skeleton of what my place will be like. The only question is, when can I get my own place, and enjoy the process of decorating it, especially with someone I am going to share the rest of my life with?

"Human Nature Is The Same Everywhere"

When one door closes, another one opens. How apt is the phrase! This applies so much to me, especially in the ups and downs of recent months. Just when I was upset over the loss of a few friends (?), I managed to make a few new friends in a matter of weeks, one was through something as ridiculous as messaging the wrong person!

To track back, perhaps I am someone really idealistic, often being optimistic about the goodness in people, too optimistic at times, to believe that everyone is good and no one would ever betray you unless you have done something to anger that person. But, naive and idealistic I am, I still feel that even if you anger someone, be it intentionally or not, as friends, let alone family, they should just apologise and clear up the misunderstandings. True friends will not let a little dispute get in the way, let alone family members!

Thus, I never adhered to the fact that people would cheat others. To me, I feel if the person does not even know you, why would they want to cheat you? And besides, what good is lying or cheating anyway, especially to someone who is a total stranger? Do people really enjoy toying with others' feelings and take advantage of others' goodness and totally take them for granted? Sorry, but I will not be able to live with my conscience in doing that.

How wrong I was! Not the conscience part in cheating people, but wrong in that people do go around cheating and lying their ways through and still derive satisfaction from their deeds. I have been cheated a few times. Even now, I am totally fazed by why they would do that? What satisfaction can one derive of cheating others? Do not think I am that ditzy not to know what is going on; I just chose to feign ignorance as I did not wish to blow up the matter.

Yet why do I still feel so optimistic about human nature, about there being goodness in everyone? Most people I know have a perverse sense of negativity when it comes to people. It seems as if they feel that everyone is evil and mean, and no one can be trusted, even those you love the most. To them, they view those who are nice and warm as having some ulterior motives. To me, I feel how can you view someone as a friend if you cannot trust the person? How can you even love someone if you do not trust him / her completely and explicitly? And perhaps the person really is warm and friendly by nature, so why be so suspicious?

People have advised me not to blog so much, not to give away every little piece of my detailed dalliances (what dalliances anyway?), because afterall, I will have no idea who read my site and the last thing I wanted is to have what I say turned against me. I never believed, as I thought afterall, people do not know me, so why would they deliberately create trouble, right?

But when trouble really brewed, I was so stumped, so upset. Everything I believed in people started crumbling. I could not fathom why some people would think that everyone who pours their hearts out in cyberspace are those only out for fame, audience and attention, and make a good show by lying their way through! Which brings me to the point on why would these people think whatever people said are untrue? Is there really such a joy in lying to others?

I have also been told not to believe everything people said. Like if someone told me a sob story, I should check through thoroughly instead of dropping everything and helping the person. To me, I feel why would people lie? Seriously, why would the story not be true? To a lot of others, their views are that people can say all they like, but how would one know if it is really true, as afterall, there is no concrete evidence? But to me, I always feel why would it not be true? Is there any purpose for anyone to lie?

I always feel that there is no greater pleasure than to offer help to whoever needs help, be it a listening ear, or monetary, or even advise. And there have been times when I offered to help without anyone even asking, simply because I felt they needed help. To me I just feel good to help others, but to others, they deem me as a nosey parker, a busybody, and said there is nothing they could offer me, so I did not need to do anything.

But I do not help others just to gain anything back. Of course, realists will then tell me to "grow up, everyone is only looking out for themselves, everyone is money-minded", yet I still do not think this way, to which well-meaning folks will then tell me I cannot live my life forever thinking that it is such a wonderful world. Why would others not believe me when I said I do this because I want to, not because I want anything from them?

I guess because most people will not bother doing something for others unless they have something back in return. Most people will never loan out cash, because afterall, why would they want to shortchange themselves? Besides, the issue of money harms most relationships. Best friends have been turned into enemies because of money (and love). And most people will not help, unless it is conditonal, even among family members and loved ones. How many people actually do things unconditionally, with no strings attached, I wonder? Is it any wonder that for a period of time, I was getting despair and losing faith in humanity?

But I have not learnt my lesson. I still believe in the goodness of people. I still believe that I can express however intense I feel about things around me, about issues that happened to me, without anyone putting me down. I still feel I can make friends anytime, anywhere, without anyone having any ulterior motives. And I still think people can still come to me whenever they need, without lying or cheating me.

Perhaps I really am idealistic. But I do believe everyone is good. Which is why I cannot fathom why others always think the worst in people. Even the late Dame Agatha Christie always thought the worst in people, as evidenced in her character Miss Jane Marple's famous line, "Human nature is the same everywhere", when she started predicting murder everywhere she went.

So anyway, I lost a few friends because of "human nature being the same everywhere". Now I am on the verge of losing my brother, the one who has always been close to me. I kept thinking that people are good, so much that to a lot of people, I lost touch with reality. I placed my trust in others whom I should never have trusted in the first place, which got me into this state. I lost friends, money, trust and integrity.

My youngest brother once said, "Come on, how well do you know this person to trust this person with your deepest secrets, even though you felt the connection and that this person was trustworthy? And how well do you know this other person that you were willing to loan four-figure amounts due to a cock and bull story and the person then became totally uncontactable the moment you tried to get your money back?" I always thought my gut feeling would never be wrong, but I must admit, in that once or twice instance, it totally veered off course.

But while I was moping around thinking whether I have placed my misguided trust in men (and women) in general, and I should start viewing humans in a much more negative light, I met a few others through extraordinary circumstances. One was online, another was through the phone, and a third was from a friend. Contrary to what people always tell me, online friends are never to be trusted, but this person seems to be an exception.

I am always drawn to people (both men and women) who are deep and intellectual, and talk about better things than just sex, romps and pornography (for men), and men, money and hooking a rich men (for women). Even though we have only conversed a few times, but each time the conversation was more intense. We actually debated, gave advise and generally chat about societal problems, world issues, conservation of the environment and war and peace. Depressing topics, but I love it!

The second person I recently met was quite sweet actually. It all started when I received a message from an unfamiliar number. So I asked who it was, and the person replied, and then asked if I was so and so. I said no, he had gotten the wrong number. To which he replied, "Sorry Mr, and thanks." Very polite, but then, for the owner of such a beautiful phone number, why would anyone think I am a Mr? I thought that is the type of number any one would think belong to a girl!

Anyway I replied and said that I am actually a Miss, but no problem. And after that, I had no idea what happened and we just started conversing, and voila! I made a new friend! To which well-meaning but negative people again told me, "This person is a complete stranger! Why would you even bother replying?" True, most people would not even bother replying to any message from an unfamiliar number, let alone start a conversation!

Well, I thought it would be polite to correct his error. Afterall, if I mistakenly sent a message to a wrong person, I would also like the other person to correct me. That is the polite and right thing to do, is it not? And besides, no harm knowing someone new. Afterall, people have known others through even more ridiculous circumstances!

I hope I can justify having my faith in humans renewed to a certain extent. Have I not learnt my lesson? Perhaps, but I still choose to believe that people are nice and good in general. As for those who for some reason or other they suddenly show their evil streaks and you have not done anything to offend, then perhaps these are the ones that have never been true in the first place. But for now, I have to solve the problem of how to get my brother talking to me again very soon.

Just Another (V) Day ....

On Wednesday, Valentine's Day, I bumped into a girl delivering flowers to someone in my office while going out for lunch. The bouquet consisted of a few white roses, with two teddy bears - a couple. Wonder which sweet guy would send flowers all the way to the office of his desired?

Come to think of it, no one has ever sent flowers to my office before. I have received flowers at my home, just that one time, but other than that, no one had ever surprised me by sending flowers to my office. The only time someone came close to sending flowers to my office was when that person surprised me after work and came to my workplace with gifts and a big bouquet, but that was at least five years back already.

This Valentine's Day it made me reflect on how different things had become for me. For someone so romantic and idealistic, that day meant a lot to me. No doubt everyday can be a Valentine's Day, but the history of how St Valentine's Day came about is really touching and being a day set aside for lovers is a form of tribute to a martyr. So why did I end up in tears on Valentine's Day itself?

It made me reflect on what exactly is true love? Is true love only true if someone declares it without any action? Or is it only true when both parties give their all? Anyone can say he loves a person very much, that she means a lot to him, but if there is nothing to show, will there be love? Does true love mean encompassing the person as a whole, accepting everything he / she does, tolerating all the quirks and moods? But if only one person is doing that, it is lopsided, is it not?

Is the person who loves more supposed to just bear with everything no matter how the other party treats him / her then? If it is true love, should someone not feel shortchanged or frustrated at all, if he / she feels the feelings being toyed with? Would true love really be all embracing until one continues loving the person, even if he / she can or may never be hers / his? Love itself is temerarious enough as it is, yet why do the parties involved always make things more challenging and difficult?

I do not know about others, but when I give my heart, it is fully, completely, thoroughly. My heart is so small that only one person can be contained at any one time. So each time I got my heart broken, I had to wait for a new one to grow to replace it, and even then, it would never be whole as that person who broke my heart took a part of it away forever. Yet why do I always end up being the one to give totally yet never seem to get even a fraction back?

This Valentine's Day meant a lot to me, as this same day last year, someone came into my life. This same day last year, when I was dateless and alone, and moping about my fate, someone cheered me up by a series of messages, by letting me feel that I was not alone. Someone who would later have a big impact on my life, someone I was willing to fall out with my parents for, someone I would willingly run away with.

Yet, this Valentine's Day, I was dateless again. We went out the preceding Saturday, but I cannot help but feel it more meaningful to actually be out with each other on the actual day itself. I spent St Valentine eve out with my brother the whole night. How pathetic have I become, to go out with my brother for dinner and movies, instead of someone special on Valentine's eve?!

There is nothing wrong going out with my brother. Other days would not matter, but on the day (and before that) when it was supposed to be a day for lovers, my brother brought me out instead of the person I wanted so much to go out with, all the more since it was supposed to be the first Valentine's Day for us. What a twist of fate.

But I guess I have to start clearing all the cobwebs in my head, and realise that that day is nothing but just another day. Just another normal working day. Another day of toiling for my living. I can choose to live like this and continue accepting it, or I can choose to make things better. And when I think of people in other countries who are victims of natural disasters, wars and famines, it made the day more bearable, and I started to feel that what I have is actually so much more than a lot of people already.

Still, as I lie down on my bed that night, I could not help but stay up thinking and missing him, and fell asleep .... dreaming of him. And I was reminded of this song :

Dreaming Of You (Selena)

Late at night when all the world is sleeping
I'd stay up and think of you
And I'd wish on a star
That somewhere you are thinking of me too

Cuz I'm dreaming of you tonight
Till tomorrow, I'll be holding you tight
And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be
Than here in my room,
Dreaming about you and me

Wonder if you even see me
And I wonder if you know I'm there
If you looked in my eyes
Would you see what's inside?
Would you even care?

I just wanna hold you close
But so far, all I have are dreams of you
So, I wait for the day and the courage to say
How much I love you (Yes, I do)

I'll be dreaming of you tonight
Till tomorrow, I'll be holding you tight
And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be
Than here in my room,
Dreaming about you and me

Ahhh.... I can't stop dreaming of you
Ahhh.... I can't stop dreamin

Late at night when all the world is sleeping
I'd stay up and think of you
And I still can't believe that you came up to me
And said, "I love you; I love you too"

Now I'm dreaming of you tonight
Till tomorrow, and for all of my life
And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be
Than here in my room,
Dreaming with you endlessly ....

A Sign?

That day, the last day of January, I had a dream. Maybe it was because one month into the new year, and I had yet to get anything done. Or perhaps it served as a reminder to follow my resolution - be a less self-centred and petty person. But it was a dream where a dear someone came to me, one who is no longer of this world. And next to this dear someone, I saw the vision of another person - one who is still of this world, but whom we are no longer keeping in contact.

Is it a sign to make peace? That that person is also thinking of patching things up, but for some reason, is too stubborn or petty or embarrassed? Although from what this person had done to me, I have to consider whether it is still worth having this person as a friend. Nevertheless, the dream was as if an angel came upon me, and I started thinking of this song :

I Have A Dream (ABBA)

(Verse 1)
I have a dream, a song to sing
To help me cope with anything
If you see the wonder of a fairy tale
You can take the future even if you fail

(Chorus)
I believe in angels
Something good in everything I see
I believe in angels
When I know the time is right for me
I'll cross the stream - I have a dream

(Verse 2)
I have a dream, a fantasy
To help me through reality
And my destination makes it worth the while
Pushing through the darkness still another mile

Repeat - Chorus, Verse 1, Chorus

(End)
I'll cross the stream - I have a dream (x2)

Speaking of dreams, somehow I wish I can just go back to the beginning. Go back in time to when I was young and naive, and innocent, and go back in time to help others who really needed help. Go back in time to when I was teaching and doing more for the children. I wish I can just close my eyes and go back to the beginning, just like Joseph in this song :

Any Dream Will Do (Andrew Lloyd Webber - "Joseph And The Amazing Technicolour Dream Coat")

I closed my eyes, drew back the curtain
To see for certain what I thought I knew
Far far away, someone was weeping
But the world was sleeping
Any dream will do

I wore my coat, with golden lining
Bright colours shining, wonderful and new
And in the east, the dawn was breaking
And the world was waking
Any dream will do

(Ad-Lib)
A crash of drums, a flash of light
My golden coat flew out of sight
The colours faded into darkness
I was left alone

(End)
May I return to the beginning
The light is dimming, and the dream is too
The world and I, we are still waiting
Still hesitating
Any dream will do

Repeat - Ad-Lib, End

Living In A Dream World?

Any of you know the song "A Dream Is A Wish Your Heart Makes"? It is the tune from Disney's "Cinderella". The song seems extra meaningful to me, as your heart makes a wish, and it becomes a dream, never to come true, or impossible for it to come true.

Maybe that is why dreams and reality often do not intersperse. In dreams, everything is sunny and beautiful and perfect, but in reality, there is more darkness and thunderstorms and cracks. However, dreams can become reality once they are achieved. That is what goal-setting is all about. Maybe that is what goals are – dreams that become reality.

So is it healthy to continue dreaming? Or to come down to Earth and be realistic? Most people are practical in that they choose the safe realistic route. But is the idealistic route really impossible?

In a dream world, there will be no wars. Everyone lives in peace. There will be lots of greenery and no natural disasters, no smog and global warming. There will be natural fresh water and lots of food daily for everyone, no matter what country.

In a dream world, everyone will meet someone they love, marry each other, have beautiful kids, and live happily ever after. Everyone’s parents will love them so much, support and encourage them in what they do, even if the parents do not approve of what they do.

In a dream world, everyone will study the course they love, get the job they love and earn income according to their contributions and workload. Everyone will work normal office hours and go home to a warm family, enjoying the bliss of both a job they are passionate for and a family they love.

In a dream world, everyone will be nice and kind to everyone else, being considerate and true to each other, being honest and down-to-earth.

Unfortunately, we are not living in a dream world. In reality, there are more wars than peace. There is not enough food for everyone. The distribution of riches and food are sadly misappropriate, with some countries having an abundance and other countries having almost none at all.

In reality, trees and rivers get cut down and polluted for industrial purposes, with the beauty of the natural environment being spoilt and overused.

In reality, one does not find a mate so easily, and even if one does, shall one marry the one you love but does not love you that much, or marry the one who truly loves you but whom you have not much feelings for?

In reality, starting a family is not so easy. There are factors to consider like housing, education, activities, time and commitment. Which explains why so many couples choose not to have any kids.

In reality, people do not get what they want all the time. They may be overlooked for the course they like, not chosen for the job they love, and settled for something else.

In reality, people are like slaves, overworked and underpaid, and going home to a house where everyone shouts at everyone else.

In reality, people are selfish, self-centred, inconsiderate and boorish, thinking only of their own benefits without giving concern to others.

Is it only still me that lives in a dream world, where everyone is still nice and kind? Or shall I start to lose faith in humanity where I can only expect disappointment after disappointment?

Shall one be with the one whom he / she loves, or the one who loves him / her? Shall one wait for true love, or settle for just anyone he / she can get along with?

Shall one expect honesty and gratitude from others? In reality, if one lends cash to others, the cash is often than not a “gone case”.

Just like when I banked into the wrong account instead of the right one, I may not be able to get back my cash as people may not be honest or bothered enough to report the error.

So shall I become more practical and realistic? Or continue to dream, even if my dreams can never come true?

Somehow this song came into my mind, which reflects just how I feel about life and humanity now.

I Dreamed A Dream (Fantine – Les Miserables)

There was a time when men were kind,
And their voice were soft,
And their words inviting.

There was a time when love was blind,
And the world was a song,
And the song exciting.

There was a time when it all went wrong ….

I dreamed a dream in time gone by,
Where hope was high and life, worth living.
I dreamed that love would never die,
I dreamed that God would be forgiving.

Then I was young and unafraid,
And dreams were made and used and wasted.
There was no ransom to be paid,
No song unsung, no wine, untasted.

But the tigers come at night,
With their voices soft as thunder,
As they tear your hope apart,
And they turn your dream to shame…..

He slept a summer by my side,
He filled my days with endless wonder …
He took my childhood in his stride,
But he was gone when autumn came!

And still I dream he’ll come to me,
That we will live the years together,
But there are dreams that cannot be,
And there are storms we cannot weather!

I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I’m living,
So different now from what it seemed ….
Now life has killed the dream I dreamed ….

So will my dreams ever come true? Who knows? Perhaps I shall set the famous five-year goal, on what I wish to achieve in five years time, a favourite question in almost every interview I went for :

1. Get the job by the big company, and hopefully rise up to managerial level.

2. Pass my driving test and afford to own a Toyota Lexus, Mitsubishi Colt or Volkswagon Beetle.

3. A penthouse at the new fifty-storey public housing, The Pinnacle @ Duxton, the tallest government condominium-like flats.

4. Get my first-class honours, and proceed to Masters and hopefully PhD in either English Literature or Mass Communications.

5. Complete my voice lessons to professional level.

6. Pick up a new instrument, either Violin or Flute. (Then maybe hopefully I can afford to get a Stradivarius violin.)

7. Master at least two new languages.

8. Slim down and remain at 44 kg with a 23-inch waist.

9. Get married to the one I truly love and who truly loves me, have my dream wedding on my dream date, start a family and live happily ever after.

10. Travel to at least half the places in the world, or make that a quarter at least.

Looks like I am still living in a dream world, with dreams that seem almost impossible to come true.

Irritated And Moody (Again) ....

I have been feeling rather disturbed lately. If my friend did not sort of lend me a listening ear at midnight, I would have been even more down in the dumps. Really grateful to him, and really feel so bad for keeping him up.

It started off last week with a sudden dream which, in my opinion, was totally unnecessary, and I remember waking up to rather strong emotions after that. No doubt I cannot control my dreams, but this is one dream I hope never to dream again, and one that I do not ever want it to come true.

The emotions that followed triggered off certain thoughts. I start questioning myself on how exactly I am as a person? Why is it that I am in such a happy and loving relationship, with a guy that other girls can only dream of, yet I still feel suspicious and insecure?

Am I too greedy, that I want more? What more can I want now that I have gotten everything I want and more? Or perhaps it is just human (in this case, a woman's) nature to be petty, suspicious and insecure. Which means I must change that, I must try to deal with people better, improve on my people relations.

Anyway the dream was but a one-off thing. Some people say dreams are opposites of reality, and in this case, I hope it really is the opposite of reality. Other things that have gotten me disturbed are mainly because lately (not really lately actually) there have been an increase of people that got me irritated one way or another.

It started with my youngest brother. It is not the first time he has been irritating the hell out of me, but on Sunday, he was particularly picky. All because my parents made him attend my baptism on Saturday, and he wanted "revenge" by picking on everything I did on Sunday.

He kept saying things like, "You are a Christian, you are not supposed to do this." For someone so against attending church and the teachings of the Bible, what makes him think he is an expert on how a Christian should behave? I have never come across another guy (except my first ex) who is so petty, self-centred and think the whole world of himself!

So now that I am a full Christian, does it mean I cannot jibe and be laid back at home and with my family members? Does it mean I cannot close my room door and not adopt a "warm and inviting" policy? Does it mean I cannot have my own privacy since I am supposed to "love everyone"?

As if that is not enough, my ex gave me trouble again. I think sometimes I court my own trouble. I could just ignore the phone call and save myself all the agony, yet I chose to answer the call and ended up screaming and slamming down the phone.

He called to congratulate me for finally getting baptised. And he said which means I have to go live in a convent soon. Excuse me? I am only getting baptised, I am not getting ordained as a nun or sister!

He then asked if the reason I agreed to make love with my guy is it because he is a very generous lover? Oh my gosh, is he still on this issue? He said if I wanted to be paid for sex, I could have told him in the first place. WHO OR WHAT DOES HE TAKE ME FOR?!

He then asked aboout my family members, to which I updated him a little. Yet he interrupted me at every sentence, added his own corny jokes and laughed at everything. Finally I asked him if everything is a joke to him, because if it is, then I certainly do not deem them as jokes or find whatever I said funny.

He then asked why I was so mean that I could not even let him joke around or laugh? I WAS MEAN?! For not letting him make corny jokes about my family members?

I am talking about how my mum is going for a mammogram this week as she is experiencing chest pains, and how my first brother has decided to take up permanent residence in China and not coming back, and my ex was the one making jokes out of everything. Who was the mean one here?!

Someone from my past suddenly appeared in my life again. I thought he was gone for good, after having lost contact since last year. I met him online and he started talking to me, but I was busy watching a VCD thus did not bother replying. Anyway I have no good impression of this guy.

He indicated he was pursuing me last year. I did not indicate my interest, neither did I indicate disinterest, but when he asked me out, I agreed since I was free. The thing was, he kept asking me to pay for him.

The first time we went out for high tea, at the end of the meal he said he was broke, and asked if I could pay. The second time we went out for lunch, he did the same thing. The third time we went clubbing, I paid for the entrance fee and he ordered the most expensive martinis and bourbons and asked me to settle the bill.

I got a little drunk that day, and he told me if I wanted to go off, I could just walk to the taxi stand and take a cab back. He did not even have the grace to walk me to the taxi stand! When I asked how he went home that night, he told me he called his friend to pick him up and gave him a free lift back.

Another time, he said he wanted to come to my place to play pool, and I told him he was welcome. But he said he would be taking a cab down from his place, and once he arrived, could I come out and pay the cab fare for him? So I cooked up the excuse that my family would be out soon and asked him not to come over.

After that, I told him not to ask me out anymore. I never told him the reason why, and he never returned me any money he owed me as well. If I was the one who asked him out and offered to treat him, then that was a different story, but I could not take it if the guy was the one who offered to date me, bring me to expensive places, but in the end expect me to settle all the bills all the time.

As I have mentioned before, I do not think it is right for the guy to ask or expect the girl to pay, especially if he was the one who asked her out, unless the girl volunteered and did not mind footing the bill. But in this case, he expected me to pay all the time, without even asking me in advance. And I did not ask to eat at such expensive places, he was the one who suggested.

But what I really like to know now is how to handle my manager. She is so picky on everything! No doubt at times I deserve a reprimand as I had been careless and overlooked certain things, but she controlled me (mostly) in everything, from what I wear to what I eat, to how I use the photocopier, to not working overtime consecutively, and whether I bring work home to do.

Does it mean if I do not bring work home to do I am not committed enough to my job? Does it mean if I stand there and wait for the printer to finish printing before retrieving the document I am not doing my job? Does it mean I lunch at my desk while rushing work at the same time I am not being professional? Sometimes I find her so ridiculous!

She may be a workaholic, but must she judge everyone according to her standards and what she does? She said she works late and brings work home, and she is the one with kids, so why do we not bring our work home, and how productive are we if we go off on time everyday? Does it mean we do not have a family to go home to? And does it mean we are more productive if we stay late all the time?

You can gain knowledge in books, in other resources, but people skills are the hardest to master because everyone is different. How I wish I can be better at public (or people) relations, then perhaps people will stop thinking I am a pushover once and for all.

Or perhaps I am just too petty to get angry over all these issues. Maybe what I really must do is to stop being petty once and for all.

Idealism Vs Realism

Why am I still not recovering? I had already taken the afternoon off yesterday, plus a full day today. At this rate, I may have to pull out of the performance on Saturday. How am I going to sing in this state? Hoping for a miracle in just a few more days.

A lot of people are not able to differentiate between idealism and realism. Idealistically, a lot of things are possible and can be done. Boy meets girl, both fall in love, stay together, get married and live happily ever after.

Or a school-leaver goes out looking for a job and able to snag the first job he / she applies for that also happens to be the dream job. Or someone grows up in a family with perfect parents and well-behaved siblings who never gave any trouble.

But in reality, this is often not the case. How many interviews do one have to go to and how many rejections does one face before he / she finally gets a job? And the job may not even be the one he / she wants, but at times like these, one just have to take whatever there is available.

How many relationships do people have to go through and how often do people just fall in love with each other just like that? Often than not, one party would reject and got rejected, and people go in and out of relationships. Not everything is so smooth-sailing.

How many people do we know that can meet our criteria of a perfect partner? No one is perfect. So what do we do? Continue seeking for the perfect person, or just be with someone not as perfect but yet true to you?

How many people actually grow up in a family where there has never been any conflict with parents or siblings? None I know actually. When I was in school, I heard my friends complaining about how naggy their parents were, and how their parents favoured their siblings over them.

Does that mean one has to stop dreaming? Does that mean one has to stop seeking for what one wants and just stick to what is most practicable? Does that mean one gives up on everything altogether?

So you do not get the dream job. Does that mean you give up job-hunting and wait for the dream job to fall on your laps?

So you have been dumped many times and the guy / girl you like has no feelings towards you. Does that mean you give up on love totally?

So you are not able to find the perfect person. Does that mean you reject anyone that does not meet your criteria, no matter how nice they are to you?

So your parents and siblings are not perfect. But they are also humans who err. Does that mean you cut yourself totally off from them?

Idealistically, there are a lot of things we may want, but in reality, things just do not happen according to how we like them to happen. So what happens? Grieve over it, get over it, then move on. Continue dreaming and one of these days, your dreams and reality may just infuse and you will then be a very happy person.

Of Dreams And Reality

I asked my best friend the other day whether she ever compared her ex-boyfriends to each other (not in front of them of course, but mentality assessing). She said actually there is no basis for comparison, as they are all good and bad in their own ways. Like her first one in secondary school was religious but possessive, her second one was sweet and dedicated but a pity not the right timing, her third one was responsible and ambitious but not dedicated to her, and the last one was dedicated to her but not responsible enough.

It is very true what she said. I guess there really is no basis for comparison. But being humans, each of us would want our subsequent relationship to be better than the preceding one, so somehow we would still compare at the back of our heads. Like I would say my first one was pious and filial, but very chauvinistic. My second one was gentlemanly and romantic, but very temperamental. My third one was good-tempered and filial, but very irresponsible and forgetful.

Or perhaps I should thank Sigmund Freud for all this comparison. Maybe deep down in my sub-conscious and in my dreams, I still believe there is someone more right for me out there, thus I kept focusing on their bad points. My married friends all told me that it is not enough to just like the good points, as I have to be able to tolerate the bad points as well. Maybe it is just as well things did not work out.

Even when I was in my first relationship, I dreamt of being attached to another friend. No doubt it was all just a dream and even in the dreams, nothing physical happened between us, but somehow I woke up feeling guilty and wondered a little how things would be like with him and me. Is that being unfaithful if you dream of being with someone else while still in a relationship?

I never had dreams to this extent when I was with my second ex, but I had dreams of him being with other girls. The period after all his religious frenzy kicked in when his grandfather passed away, I dreamt he dumped me as he wanted to be a priest, and I remembered telling him in the dream that it would be such a waste for him to be a priest. And my dream continued on with chance meetings with another guy (who was somehow faceless) whom I ended up being with.

During the last stages of my relationship with my third ex, I dreamt of both of us breaking up, and I got attached a year later to another faceless guy. But after we really broke up, the guy in the dream took on the face of that particular someone, but the events how we started were the same. This same dream had been recurring for some time, except now the guy is faceless again.

One theory of dreams is that they are the channels to our sub-conscious. It is what our sub-conscious wants us to do. Another school of thought is that dreams are the doors to an alternate reality, where in the real world, things are the opposite. Yet another school of thought brought up that dreams are like the universe to our future, so by dreaming, one can see the events of the near future. I wonder which theory is really true.

Why do we have dreams in the first place? No one has ever been able to give an exact answer where dreams come from. In Roald Dahl’s “BFG”, the BFG stated to the girl that dreams are made and blown into little kids’ ears to let them have pleasant sleeps. But if there are going to be dreams, let me always dream of good things to come.

All I Wanna Do Is Dream.....

Why do we have dreams? Are dreams an indication of things to happen? Are they an alternative path to reality? Or are they opposite of real-life events? Or are they things which you think of before you sleep? I have been sleeping so soundly lately that I hardly have any dreams. How I wish I can just dream of something pleasant which may come true!

When you say goodnight, people will always tell you to have “sweet dreams”. How “sweet” are dreams, I wonder? Are dreams “sweet” when you dream of something miraculous, only to have to face the harsh reality of something never to happen? On the other hand, are dreams considered a nightmare when you get so scared of something that may happen, but in reality it is not that bad?

I have friends who did dream of things coming true. For instance, someone told me that he dreamt of something that would happen to his friend, and it did happen to his friend. I dreamt that I would get dumped by my second guy, and it did happen. Which makes me ponder if I have not dreamt of that in the first place, would it still have happened?

There are other types of dreams too, the more “sexual” ones, or what guys term as “wet dreams”. Honestly sometimes I really wonder what goes on in guys’ minds that they will moan in their sleep the whole night long. Is it something to do with a loved one, a fantasy or just normal testosterone overflow while sleeping? But girls do have sexual dreams too, although the “erotica” dreams we have are probably much tamer compared to what guys will have. ;-p

I am not sure if it was just a coincidence, but a few months back when the weather was so erratic, I had a dream that my family went to Alaska (of all places!) to escape the heat. The dream was so intense that I actually woke up feeling cold all over, before I realized my air-conditioner was at full blast and I had somehow kicked away my blanket, leaving me in just my skimpy lingerie night gown pyjamas sleeping attire. The next day, my mum did propose an ice berg tour to Alaska on a cruise ship. Hmmm….. are my dreams starting to come true?

But I did have good dreams coming true. When I dreamt I could pass the interview for law. When I dreamt my second guy would ask me to be his girlfriend. When I dreamt my parents would allow me to go on a trip with my best friend and second guy to Bintan all by ourselves. Now I only hope some of my more recent dreams can come true – when I dreamt of meeting BJY in Korea (too outrageous to come true), and also the dream where that certain someone actually asked me to be his girlfriend (now that is more realistic, but still may not come true, although it will be really great if it does!).

In the meantime, I will continue to dream ….. of world peace, of love, of BYJ and Brad Pitt in the buff, of Legolas, of Christian Bale in his sexy batsuit, and of that particular person whom I can never be with. Let’s dream of pleasant dreams at night while facing the sometimes bleak and mundane reality throughout the day.