Choir Retreat

Friday the thirteenth came and went without any bad incidents. You may say I am superstitious, but I had two worst days of my life that just happened to be on Friday the thirteenth. Probably it is just a coincidence, but everytime Friday the thirteenth comes along, I always try to be extra wary.

I had a very fun weekend on Sentosa island. This is the first church retreat I attended. When I heard my first ex telling me about how enlightened he was after attending a church camp, for a while I was rather scared to go as I thought it was going to be some sort of religious frenzy which I do not think I am up to the level to handle yet.

But this camp really enlightened me. It is nothing like what I have been told. There was only a short prayer session on Friday night, other than that, it was mostly fun, games, walks, movie screening and suggestions on how to improve the church choir. There was no praise and worship or long sessions of prayers. And it is the few rare times in my life that I can actually talk to people about religion without once being judged or looked down upon. And the best thing was that the weather was so nice and good for the weekend, no rain at all!

Since this is a church choir retreat, the discussions were mostly on how to improve the choir and what constitutes a perfect choir. We checked in on Friday night at Costa Sands Resort on Siloso Beach, near the Rasa Sentosa Hotel and the Underwater World.

We had an ice-breaking session where everyone did a quiz on how well they know the members of the choir, then a reflection on how being in a choir really means to each of us, before we had a prayer session. After which, we played some games and slept. I could not really sleep well the whole night as the air con was blasting directly at my feet.

I had to get up in the middle of the night and get my towel from the bathroom to cover my feet before I felt more comfortable. Even then, I could only toss and turn and hardly slept. Needless to say, I was almost a walking zombie the next day.

The next day (Saturday), I was supposed to go for the orientation programme for my course. But when I woke up (not really woke up as I never really slept anyway), I read through the programme and realised that I have already attended the orientation last year, thus I stayed on. We had a breakfast of sandwiches.

We went to the beach for some morning exercises, before going back to the room, where we had a brainstorming discussion on how to make a perfect choir. It was a very long brainstorming session, so after narrowing down to eight major components, we went to eat lunch.

After lunch, we proceeded with some games. The first game was on team spirit. There were two teams of three pairs, and the players of each team had to cooperate with each other to roll a tennis ball three rounds using just their upper bodies, from their elbows onwards. It was fun and creative to say the least, judging from the strategies each one of us came up with.

The second game was the "Murderer" card game. We played two rounds and I ended up being the murderer twice. But I was good, at least I managed to "kill" people without leaving a trace, and those "detectives" kept arresting the wrong people. I was never found out until the end, so I got off scot free. ;-)

After the second game, we continued our discussion and each of us had a clear role on how to improve the choir, before proceeding on to the third game of "Charades". It was a different type of charades as the thing we had to act out was written on slips of paper stuffed into balloons.

So there were three teams, and each of us had to burst a balloon and act out what was written on the paper. When the last balloon was burst, we had to combine all the slips together, and wrote out a story / sentence / song using the words on the papers. Very creative people I know, the stories they came up with were funny, nonsensical yet really good!

We had dinner after that. Then we broke into groups where some went to the Musial Fountain and the rest of us (me included) went for a slow night walk along the beach. The beach at night is really nice, calm and relaxing. We went down to Rasa Sentosa, enjoyed a little live music at the hotel terrace bar, then went back down the other side, sat on a breakwater and dipped our feets into the cold water before going back to shower.

The movie screening started at 10:30pm, after everyone had came back and showered. We watched "Les Choristers", the show of a French Boys' Choir. A real wonderful show, I wonder why I missed out on that last year? It was such a touching and heart-warming show. The child actors are really good, and the boys choir is really amazing! How I wish I could sing like that when I was young.

I slept better on the second night, probably because I was totally zonked out due to lack of sleep on the first night. We checked out this morning at 10:15am, but stayed around for breakfast, beach walk and took the new Luge Ride where there is a chairlift bringing you up, but a motor tram sliding all the way down. Fun and exciting!

Sentosa Island has changed a lot the last time I went there (which was more than a year ago). They even have a Sakae Sushi, New Zealand All Natural and Ben & Jerry's outlet along Siloso Beach now. We tried Ben & Jerry's ice-cream before we left, and it is really good! No wonder it is reputed as supposedly the best ice-cream in the world!

It was really great going there again, but the best thing is that I get to hang out with very fun and nice people. The choir is essentially an Indonesian Choir, made up mainly of Indonesian and a few Malaysian students and former students of NTU, where my sponsor is the conductor.

The best thing is that I can talk to them as equals and there is no discrimination at all, unlike the other church choirs where if they do not know you, they are reluctant to take you in. I do not think the attitude is right, as my take is that anyone wishing to serve the church should be welcomed and not made to feel ostracised. There should not be any clique as everyone's objectives is to serve the church well.

Study Seminars

Friday the thirteenth. Dreaded day. Hopefully I will not get any nightmares when I sleep later. SIM University sent me another letter informing me of some pre-course seminars I need to attend. At a glance, I have to go for three seminars on three consecutive Saturdays, namely “Studying at SIM University : Essential Academic Skills”, “Writing Skills For English Students” and “Seminar On Poetry Analysis”.

Now if I am formally a student, why do I still need to pay extra for these seminars, especially since I already blew a substantial amount of my life savings on the course fees already? Should not all these workshops be free?

The topics covered are rather interesting and useful though. “Essential Academic Skills” covers Reading Skills, Listening Skills, Note-taking Skills, Writing Skills, Academic Integrity and Study Skills.

Reading Skills encompasses adopting a suitable strategy and extracting information from a test. Listening Skills is on identifying important information in a lecture. Note-taking Skills is on making meaningful notes from various texts.

Writing Skills covers how to express ideas, knowledge and information clearly and coherently by overall organization, mechanical accuracy, spelling, punctuation, summarizing, essay writing, report writing, addressing the assignment question (which comes with an assignment booklet guidance for students), how to write a good assignment that tutors want, bibliography and referencing, and learning from feedback on assignments.

Academic Integrity is on collusion versus co-operation and how to avoid plagiarism. (Well, best way to prevent plagiarism is to not share your notes and essays with anyone! Hard lesson from the past.) Study Skills covers using multi-media course materials, using library facilities, time management and preparing for an examination.

Sounds so familiar! How have I been studying in the past? Reading textbooks and notes, highlighting important points, categorizing the different points, researching and doing tutorials, listening and taking notes during lectures, summarizing notes using different coloured pens and mind-mapping.

I am a visual person, so I can only grasp everything if it is visually attractive. Thus, my study notes normally went through about four rounds of summarizing before I can finally remember everything. Sometimes I wish I can be an audio person, so I can listen and remember what the lecturer says without even needing to take down any notes. That will save a lot of time.

The second seminar is “Writing Skills For English Students”. The topics covered are academic essays, organizing academic essays, interpreting instruction words / question analysis, selection of material, establishing and maintaining a point of view, introductions, paragraph structure, argument structure, conclusions, avoiding plagiarism / collusion, and proof-reading and editing.

The third seminar is on Poetry Analysis. That should be interesting, as this is one area I always want to improve on. The topics include myths about poetry (what is and what is not), the “meaning” of a poem, the parts of a poem, poetic terminology, and how to write effective analyses of poetry in an assignment or exam essay format. There will also be a discussion on analyzing traditional and contemporary poetry.

I have just looked through the grading system, and it seems hard to score well. Students must score 85 and above before they can achieve an A+, and at least a 75 before they can achieve an A-. How in the world can anyone score so well, especially in a course with such subjective subjects?

To top it off, my parents do not seem happy. They keep asking me what is the purpose of taking this course, to which I told them to upgrade into a higher academic qualification. My parents are really so contradictory. For the past few years they have been pestering me to go upgrade my qualifications, then now I am finally doing it they do not seem happy.

The orientation programme is this Saturday afternoon. I will be stuck at a weekend chalet, as I helped my sponsor book two rooms at the chalet in Sentosa island as a retreat for his church choir. I will be away the whole weekend, but luckily I have been excused to attend the orientation.

And I just received news that I can collect my course materials next Thursday. I am really looking forward to it, then I can do some advanced studying and reading up before the first class starts Chinese New Year. Really nervous about going back to school again. Wonder how well I can do this time.

Of Family Businesses

The company I am working in right now is a family business. The Boss worked his way up to become the owner of five small subsidiaries, under a big company. His two daughters, son, eldest son-in-law and daughter-in-law are helping him run the various departments and subsidiaries, and his brother-in-law is also one of the employees.

So far it seems like a pretty alright company to work in. The culture is more laid-back, not as fast-paced as those companies around the town area. Despite it being a family business, the family does not put on any airs. They are simple, down-to-earth and act as if they do not know each other at work. And despite being higher-ranking, they do not have the barrier of boss and employee. Really professional, and the type of culture I like, not like some of the previous firms where a line will be drawn between those higher-ranking and those lower-ranking.

I have heard some horror stories about family businesses. Things like only people in the family get the special treatment and the rest of the employees get exploited. Things like when things do not go well, the other employees will be the first to be retrenched. Things like there is no welfare for other employees if you are not a family member. If these stories are really true, then I must really thank my lucky stars!

Come to think of it, I have a few family businesses in my family too. I remember my paternal grandfather was an accountant in a provision shop somewhere around Middle Road where my father’s family used to stay, as that was the place of abode for people of that dialect group. The shop was owned by my paternal grandmother’s brother, which was later passed on to his children.

My grandmother used to being me to the shop and wait for my grandfather, and my aunt would give my free biscuits, chocolate, ice-cream and soft drinks. Perhaps that was where my sweet tooth came from. When my granduncle went back to China where he later passed away, the shop was converted to a restaurant by his eldest son until his retirement a few years back. Where the shop was standing, it is now another restaurant in its place.

But that is just a small business. The real big business is owned by my father’s cousin. He was a case of rags to riches, from an apprentice to the owner of a public-listed company dealing in a certain retail product that has a whole chain of shops all over the island. His two sons, daughter and son-in-law are also helping him in the business. His wife and daughter-in-laws are socialites.

My parents are always impressed by this particular relative because despite being the wealthiest, he never forgets his humble beginnings and inculcate in his children and grandchildren the same values. He never forgets that it was my grandmother who brought him out of China during the second world war, so even now, he, together with his wife, children and grandchildren, still visit my grandmother every Chinese New Year without fail, even when all the rest of our relatives stop coming.

Thus, we will also go to his place every Chinese New Year. His house is practically a dream house for everyone. A big driveway with seven grand cars, Mercedes-Benz, Jaguars, BMWs, a big garden, a patio opening into a swimming pool and Jacuzzi, a backyard lawn with a koi pond, and so many rooms! Yet with all their riches, the whole family is very nice and warm. Must better than those who only have a bit of wealth but look down on everyone else.

My mother’s side, too, has a family business, first set up by my grandfather, now run by my granduncle and second uncle. Some of my granduncle’s children are helping out with the business, either in Indonesia or Singapore, and now my cousin just left her high-flying accounting job in one of the big accountancy firms to help my uncle in the business. My father used to help my uncle out too before he branched out on his own.

I used to envy my friends whose family own big companies as they will be assured of a job the moment they finish school. But now come to think of it, sometimes for children to join the family business, they may just take things for granted as they are the boss’s children so will be very well-treated. One wonders how they will be able to survive outside. (Just a general observation, not saying that the people I know are like that.)

I guess it is all due to upbringing then. People can come from rich families but remain nice and humble, instead of arrogant and spoilt. And I suppose it helps that the parents have gone through hardship, so can relate that not everybody is born with a silver spoon. Those who have been brought up in luxury all the while as the families may have been wealthy for several generations may not be able to understand that not everyone is rich.

But family business or not, no matter where one works, one should give the best and contribute as much as possible and not take anything for granted. After all, we are all working mostly for ourselves and out families, so we are the only ones who can be responsible, not anyone or anything else.

White Gold Or Platinum?

A friend who got married last year (2004 actually, I must remember it is already 2006) had a one carat solitaire diamond white gold ring as her wedding ring. But when she showed it to me some time ago, it was already showing traces of wear and tear.

I met up with her as she said she might be interested in buying my ring, so when I showed it to her (just a 0.3 carat Princess-cut diamond), she was surprised at how shiny it still is and asked how I managed to maintain my ring so well?

Good question. I think partly it is because I have not worn the ring ever since 2003, so not much chance of wear and tear since it is not exposed to the elements. Besides, mine is a platinum ring, which probably explains why it is still so shiny despite having been on my finger for more than two years before it took up permanent residence in my jewellery case.

When my married friends were shopping for their wedding bands, they were surprised that platinum cost more than white gold, as they always thought that white gold jewellery is the best. Thus they settled for white gold, only to find out the ring tarnishes after a year or so.

Many people are under the impression that white gold is a very good and lasting metal. Actually white gold is an alloy of yellow gold and silver and some other metals, thus causing its grayish / silvery sheen, which explains why it tends to tarnish quite easily since it is not a pure metal, and harder to maintain.

However, white gold is more expensive than yellow gold due to the manufacturing and processing, even though yellow gold is a pure metal in its own right. But then yellow gold is so seventish, which is why couples for the past decade or so are opting for white gold.

But in recent years, platinum is getting more and more popular. It has the same grayish / silvery sheen as white gold, but since platinum is a pure metal in its own right, it is longer-lasting and easier to maintain. It does not tarnish so easily. Due to this, the price of a platinum ring can be twice or three times that of a normal white gold ring.

I guess it is all up to the couple what type of wedding bands they prefer. If they want something cheaper, they will opt for white gold. If they want something longer-lasting and classier and do not mind forking out more, then settle for platinum. Besides, since platinum is a pure metal, it is suitable for people with sensitive skins too, since white gold may contain traces of metals which may affect sensitive skins.

But in choosing a wedding band, of course anyone will want to settle for the best if the budget allows. However keep in mind the meaning of a marriage. A marriage does not come with a wedding band alone. A wedding band is just a pledge of love between the couple to be joined together as one. The most expensive ring in the world does not mean a thing if the couple cannot stay together.

So white gold or platinum? It is each individual’s choice actually. What about my choice? Well…. that is for me to know and for my future groom to find out. :-p

Yester You, Yester Me

I was net-surfing when I came across the lyrics of this song. My favourite Bee Gees song. Actually this was our song, ie the song of my second ex and me. This song was from a Mandarin movie we both love, “Yesteryou, Yesterme, Yesterday”, or to literally translate from the Chinese title, “Remember When I Was Young”.

The movie is on the pangs of teenage life and growing up. The main character was only fourteen when he filmed the show. The show is on secondary school days, the problems with his parents, he taking his best friend for granted, and of this girl whom he grew up with and always considered her an ugly duckling, but a summer vacation and a stay at her uncle’s place transformed her into a beautiful swan. By the time he realised he was in love with her, she hooked up with the coolest guy in the class.

When I first watched the show, it really endeared to me as I could totally relate to how the character feels on all these issues. The show itself is really heart-warming as at the end of the show, the guy learnt a lesson on how to stop taking the people and things around him for granted.

The sequel to the show came up a year later, entitled “Over The Rainbow, Under The Skirt”, or the translation from the Chinese title, “Remember When I Was Young (Part II) – My First Love”. It was on his upper secondary school years, and focused more on his relationships. He managed to be with his first love (the girl he grew up with), but when they went to college, they broke up.

His best friend also came into age and instead of being overshadowed, became the one that overshadowed him. The show focused mainly on the guy’s relationship with a university undergraduate, who was taller and older than him. The show also dealt with the teenage peer pressure syndrome of pre-marital sex, ie everyone is doing it, why not?

Turned out he found out that his best friend did it mistakenly one night, his ex-girlfriend did it with her new boyfriend, but he was always so afraid even though his university girlfriend initiated it. Finally, he did it with her when he went over to her hostel. He wanted to break up with her as he still loved his ex and wanted to get back with her, but in the end spent the night with her.

But they still broke up the next morning, That was the part where there was a very meaningful message. He narrated, “So this is a real break up. A real break up will have no tears and no sorrow, as breaking up means moving on, and moving on is a good thing.” I have to remember that.

Where the prequel is heart-warming and innocent, the sequel is touching and dwells on more mature issues. But these two shows epitomise what growing up is all about, which probably explains why I love the shows as I can totally relate to all the issues featured.

Professionalism ....

What is professionalism, especially in the workplace? Does professionalism simply means doing the work well and efficiently? Or does it encompass more, like putting in more hours in the office, going out of the way to help others and essentially trying to get into the superior’s good books?

My mum once told me professionalism means focusing on your work without letting anything or anybody affecting you, ie do not spill your personal problems and unhappy mood into the office. She said no matter how angry she could be at my father or us kids at times, she still has to go to work with a happy face and not let the domestic problems affect her mood and quality of work.

She told me this after I was dumped for the second time. My ex chose a very inconvenient time to dump me (but then again, there is never a convenient time to dump anyone), because right after I came back from Sydney, I had to be in school the next day for a meeting, submit a report and chart out the choir’s goals for the following year.

I was already crying the whole night away, and the next morning when my mum drove me to my school, I was still crying away. My eyes were so swollen, yet my tears could not stop flowing. She told me to perk up and not to show my unhappy face in school and to focus on my work. She said no matter how hurt I felt and how painful everything was, I must never show my true emotions at the work place.

Easier said than done. I was still crying when I reached school, so I put on my sunglasses and told everyone I contracted conjunctivitis in Sydney. So convincing was I that after two hours, my Vice-Principal told me to just go home and get well.

Does professionalism also means to do whatever you are asked, even it if is out of your job scope? What if you are an executive staff but asked to clean the pantry, wash the cups or even clean the restrooms? Will it be considered “unprofessional” if you refuse?

Similarly, if you are asked to do something you are unfamiliar with, and turn it down as you do not wish to mess up the assignment, will that be “unprofessional” as well? Do employees even have any right to reject what they do not feel comfortable doing, or will they get marked down in their appraisals if they do that?

May The Force Be With You!

It has been a cold cold week, with continuous rainstorms every day. Despite that, K and I still went to the Star Wars exhibition yesterday. We got to see the actual costumes and sets used in the movies, as well as a guide bringing us into a room and showed us how to make the sound effects of the scenes.

If you remember one of my earlier posts on being a bona fide Star Wars geek, now I can add one more - attending a Star Wars exhibition despite the cold weather and heavy rain!

After the exhibition, we went to the Science Centre itself and saw all the new things. The place has really changed ever since the last time I went there, but then, it has been a long time since I went there.

There is now an interesting Einstein exhibition, where his Theory of Relativity was explained, and Water Works where Physics was used in explaining the force of water. There is also a marine biology and life science section on where do the animals come from as well as their feeding and mating habits.

Meanwhile, hope you enjoy the photos of the exhibition.

Special treat - The Chair of Director George Lucas

The Imperial Star Destroyer

The Death Star .....

A Droid

The Millenium Falcon

The Original R2D2

The Original Chewbacca

The Original Poster for Episode VI

Incidentally, this poster was never used during the actual movie screening, as the producers realised that Jedis do not seek revenge, hence changed the name to "Return Of The Jedi" from the original "Revenge Of The Jedi".

Jabba The Hutt
(still the biggest, ugliest, slimiest worm I have ever seen)

The Majestic-looking Palpatine

The Original C3PO
(the silver one, not the gold one - unfortunately not in the exhibit)

Anakin's Speeder

Padme Amidala's Fighting Costume

The costume was actually fitted to Natalie Portman's frame. Apparently she is about my size. Her Queen Amidala's costume (unfortunately not in the exhibit) constricted her so much that her waist shrank to twenty-two inches.

Hmmm.... seems like I can fit into the costume too, but for the waistline. The costume could have fitted me to a glove, if I had not piled on all these extra pounds!

The Original Darth Vader (circa 1977)

Anakin Skywalker's costume
(flanked by the Emperor Palpatine in the background)

Obi-Wan Kenobi's Costume

Notice that Anakin's Jedi costume is actually darker? It seems to be the significance of him going towards the Dark Side.

Anakin's Surgery Table

Padme's Birthing Table

Incidentally, the two tables were displayed side by side. Significant symbolism, the death of Anakin and birth of Darth Vader, and the death of Padme and the birth of the twins.

The Royal Guard

The Senate Guard

The infamous lightsaber

Yoda Yoda!
(A pity I only found a portrait of Yoda, not the actual one)

There are a few things which I wanted to see, like the Queen Amidala's costume, Princess Leia's costume (and perhaps how their hair was done), and also the original Yoda! A pity a lot of characters were not there. The exhibit shows mainly costumes and a few of the ships and sets.

Overall, it is not too bad an exhibition, but could be better, especially for more die-hard Star Wars fans who would like to see more of the things used in the shows.

Enjoy this I hope you will. Fare thee well I shall. Train well, padawan, you will. To my own Galactic Empire, I must go. May the Force Be With You!

Should Parents Support Their Children For Life?

Some time back, there was a case where the son sued the parents over some monetary issues. The son claimed the money should be his as his parents were entitled to give the money to him. If I am ever the judge, I will throw the case out immediately and order the son to be imprisoned for lack of respect and impiety.

But should the blame be totally on the son, that despite almost being middle-aged he still wanted to live off his parents? I think the parents are more to blame, as they were the ones who spoilt him and let him get away with things, thus indirectly causing the trouble. But being parents, should they give their son whatever they have? Or should they just leave him alone and let him fend for himself?

How long exactly shall parents support their children financially anyway? When the children come of age, or earlier or later? There are some kids who have to work part-time while studying so as to get their own allowance, yet there are others who still depend on their parents financially even though they are of marriageable age.

But how far should parents support their children? Through tertiary education and beyond? Or stop at secondary or post-secondary education, and leave the children to handle their own tertiary education finances? Are parents even obligated to support the children for life, if the children have no physical or mental disabilities, and can jolly well work using their own hands and feet?

A lot of children think that it is a given that the parents have to support them financially simply because of their relationship. Thus they take things for granted and become very self-centered.

I remember years ago during a Property Law tutorial, we were analysing property prices and the type of property we would like to buy. The assignment was to find out how to finance a certain property, whether freehold, leasehold or escrow.

There was a certain classmate of mine who chose a freehold property in District 10. The house had three storeys, with a swimming pool and Jacuzzi, a big driveway and garden with a koi pond. There were balconies and bathrooms attached to every bedroom. Nice house!

When asked how she was going to finance the property, she said her mother would pay one-third, her father would pay one-third, and her younger sister would pay the remaining one-third, so she would not need to pay a single cent. The rest of us were shocked by her answer, and even our tutor did not know how best to react.

This same classmate later wanted to go to England for her post-graduate studies. She was sourcing for English universities, and finally found one right in the heart of London, near to major shopping and entertainment areas.

When she told her parents, her mum was remarking that the fees would be a bit too high, with which she then retorted to her mum that her parents should have stayed in a landed property instead of a flat, otherwise they could have mortgaged the house and sent her overseas to study. Then what is to become of her sister?

And once she showed us a blouse which her mum bought her, but she did not like the colour so made her mum change it into something she liked. How come her parents let her have her way? I will never be able to tolerate a daughter like that. If it is my mum, she will be slapped left right and centre for being downright selfish and disrespectful.

My mother has a colleague whose daughter is a very smart girl who always tops her class and always in the top schools. She wanted to study Medicine, because she thinks that doctors make the most money. However somehow she failed the aptitude test, and was hopping mad when others who scored lesser than her managed to get into Medicine. She was offered scholarships for other courses, but refused as she only wanted Medicine.

In the end, she insisted on going abroad to study. Her parents are normal wage-earners, and although she lives in a landed property, it is just a small house left to her father by her grandfather. Her parents were not able to raise the money for her overseas education since she still has a younger brother. Yet in order to finance her education overseas, she actually told her parents to sell away the house and downgrade to a flat.

How do some children end up like this? Is it the parents’ fault? Or is it the society’s fault? Or is the fault of the education system, that emphasises so much on academic excellence, that anybody who can score well end up so arrogant and think only the best of themselves without caring for anyone else?

But how old should the child be before the parents cut off all financial support? Will too much financial support from the parents cause the child to be a bum, with no inclination to earn his own keep and just keep expecting the parents to take care of him and taking things for granted?

Little Things In Life That Makes One Happy

I had a very marvellous weekend. I thought Saturday was good, but Sunday was even better! Despite all the heavy never-ending rain, I enjoyed myself really well. The day started off with my mum complimenting my nails. I always wear light-coloured nail polish, but a few days back, I suddenly felt like being a bit bolder and painted my nails red.

My mum was praising them and kept asking where I got them done. When I told her I did them myself, she was so surprised, as she thought they were done by a professional! Even my cousin said my nails look exactly like those stewardess red nails. Well.... my skills have improved! I can start doing my own manicures and pedicures from now on!

My parents brought us out for lunch, then I went down to my cousin's place to play with her new puppy. The puppy is soooooooooooo cute that I really wanted to dog-nap it and bring it home with me! It is exactly the same breed as the dog of a certain comic character, even with the same name.

We went for a sumptuous seafood dinner with my Aussie uncle and aunt. Black pepper crab and cereal prawn, a real gourmet treat, but I will prefer red chilli or curry crab anyday! We had an enjoyable dinner, as besides feasting, we were listening to my cousin (who just came back from Melbourne) narrating about her funny experience with a disgusting guy on the plane. Why do I not get to see real-life entertainment whenever I took a plane?

The best thing is that the little rascal seemed to be in an angelic mood the whole week, and he had not bugged me or given me any trouble for a few days. My life will be so much more peaceful is he continues like this!

My uncle and aunt will be leaving on Wednesday. I sure wish I can do visit them again some time soon. I will sure miss them, especially my cousins whom I have not seen for over a year.

A Heart-Warming Reunion

My eldest uncle and aunt from Sydney is back for a visit, so we went over to my maternal grandmother's place last night. My second uncle catered a sumptuous buffet for fifty, as they invited all our relatives. Thus, I got to see relatives whom we only got to see once a year or so, and also saw some who managed to take time off from the army, and those who came back from their overseas studies.

It was a good gathering, a group of us youngsters (well, not really young as we are all in our twenties, there is another group around my brother's age) just catching up with each other. It is a big difference being a graduate and a non-graduate, being an overseas graduate and a local graduate. An overseas graduate is just so much more worldly and knowledgeable. I feel so inadequate talking to them!

There were also a few of my Indonesian relatives around. I was trying to see if I could practice my Indonesian lessons, but failed so miserably! I mispronounced almost everything and my aunt had to correct me from scratch. I could not catch what she said whenever she was trying to speak to me a full sentence in Bahasa. I better brush up on my lessons!

My uncle was giving us a little history lesson on how my late grandfather became successful. Apparently he was involved in the transportation business, and set up his own business from scratch, and he actually made it big in Indonesia before branching out into Hong Kong where he passed away when my mum was only two years of age.

So my granduncle took over the business in Indonesia and made it bigger, and now my uncle is running the Singapore side of the business. My granduncle's youngest daughter is helping my uncle run the Singapore business too, and now my cousin (my uncle's eldest daughter) just joined the company as she is to be groomed as the successor.

Certain things are really priceless in life. Like a nice gathering with your extended family. Having an outing with the company of a friend or friends. Having time to yourself to do things you like. Spending quality time with people you care for and care about. All these mean so much more to me than just working my life away and being promoted and getting all the money in the world, and I will never trade these for anything else.

Selfishness And Self-Centeredness

What is selfishness and what is self-centeredness? Are these two the same? Selfishness is defined as being “concerned chiefly or only with oneself”, whereas self-centeredness is defined as being “engrossed in oneself and one’s own affairs”. So are these two not essentially the same, since from my understanding, both mean just thinking for oneself without caring for others. As long as one gets to benefit, it does not matter what happens to the rest.

But is everyone not like that? Each of us ultimately looks out for our own benefits. Who does not want to be the best or have the best things or be looked upon as the best? So does that mean everyone of us is selfish and self-centered? How to draw the line in that case?

My mum once told me that single people tend to be more self-centered. Being married and raising a family teaches one how to be more patient, tolerant, less demanding (yeah, right, then why is she still demanding so much from me?), caring and sharing and being responsible for others, whereas someone who is not married only has to be responsible for himself / herself. Thus in a way, singles tend to just think of their own benefits without needing to care so much about others, because they are only responsible to themselves.

But is protective over one’s interests and loved ones constitute as being selfish or self-centered? Is it not contradictory if one claims to care for others yet do things that may ultimately benefit oneself?

For instance, people reach out to help the poor, but want the glory of being recognised in print. People call in to donation helplines because the prizes are very attractive and hope to be able to win any of them. Is this really being caring for others, or is this just for the sake of one’s benefit?

Like the recent NKF case. No doubt the former Chief and Board mismanaged all the funds and public donations, and people do have every right to be angry at the misuse of their money and stop all their donations. But now that the organisation is under a new management and Board, should they not be given a chance to make amends and start anew?

Everyone’s anger is channeled at how the old management misappropriated the money, but no one gives credit to the new management for trying to “clear up the mess” so to speak. Now the organisation under the new management is going to lose so much donations as compared to the past.

If people really do want to help the poor and needy, should they not give without any strings attached, instead of turning their backs the moment they think that they do not receive any benefits?

Is this selfishness and self-centeredness, ie people just looking out for themselves as number one? Not saying that looking out for oneself is bad; in fact, people naturally look out for themselves first, but the question is where to draw the line between being selfish and being caring?

Do married people become less selfish? Actually I do not think so. If anything, they are probably more self-centered, especially where their children are concerned. Every parent thinks his / her kid is an angel, and refuses to believe that the kid may get up to mischief. So whenever the kid got into trouble in school, it will always be other kids who get up to the mischief first and “influenced” their kid to do the same. It will never be the own kid’s fault.

What are these parents teaching their children? That they will always be the best and to always be absolved from blame? No wonder these kids grow up thinking the world of themselves and that they can never do any wrong. And also little wonder the kids nowadays are so self-centered, thinking only of themselves and not caring how others may feel as long as they benefit.

On the other hand, parents are naturally and have every right to be protective over their own children. But should it be done in such a way that others get affected? Like a former boss of mine, she is so autocratic and wants everything to be done her way.

She cares only about her children and herself. Whenever during examination times and holidays, she must be the first to go on leave. Which means it is impossible for me to take leave during these times. And she goes on leave for an average of two days per month. There are times I really needed to take leave, but she does not seem to care as long as she gets to go on leave. No doubt her children are number one to her, but is this not being too selfish and self-centered?

There was another ex-colleague who cares only about her baby. She complaint about the humongous workload she had, never wanted to work overtime as she said she missed her baby and wanted to rush home to see her kid, leaving me to always work late and covered her work for her.

No doubt she loves her kid, and I did not mind helping her out, but was it fair for me to always be the one to work late while she could just got off on time just because she needed to rush home to see her baby?

Does it mean I do not have a life or rush off just because I am single, so does not matter even if I always work late? And since she found it such a struggle to work and take care of her kid at the same time, why not just stay home and take care of her kid, instead of forever bitching about how come she needed to work so much for such miserable pay and spent the whole day away from her baby?

But I guess everyone looks out for his / her benefits first. Which means everyone is selfish and self-centered in nature. I know I am too. I will go ballistic if I find any of my chocolates missing or any of my things being moved. But perhaps at times, being selfish is justifiable, especially when it comes to one’s own happiness. Maybe the test is where to draw the line, between caring for oneself and caring for others, caring too much and not caring at all.

Effects Of Blogging ....

My younger cousin told me some time ago that she thinks her sisters and I are very brave in the sense that we have blogs and express our feelings in public. She will never feel comfortable expressing her thoughts in public, so she still sticks to the old-fashioned diary.

I still keep a diary too, and believe me, whatever is in my blog is only half of what was in my diary. If people think my blog is harsh, my diary is worse, because my diary is for my eyes only, thus the language and words I use can be more blatant and "colourful".

The thing is when I started a blog, I am fully prepared to face whatever consequences that come my way. I believe in being transparent, so if I like something I will state, and if I cannot stand something, I will state too. I am not comfortable with the idea of being a hypocrite and state only the good things but doing all the bad things. Life is such that you have to take the good and the bad.

I know that what I post can warrant hate mail, which I have been receiving. I have been accused of a whole lot of things, like being a slut (now where did that come from?), a bitch, a whiner, a know-all, a vain pot, a racist, a sexist, a feminist, even the type of friends I hang out with and my tastes in movies and music.

Now, if people want to say things about me, it is fine with me. People can either love me or hate me, agree or disagree with what I write, judge me according to their impressions, state their own opinions. It is all freedom of speech here and everyone is different, so liable to his / her own opinions. I do not expect everyone to love me or agree with what I say.

Much as I appreciate all your feedback, whether positive or negative, but if anyone is to leave me nasty comments or hate mail, then have the guts to leave your identity. If you have the guts to express how you feel about me, then jolly well have the guts to tell me who you are. We can thrash it out face to face or name to name. Do not leave me nasty remarks then "shun the limelight" so to speak.

It is my blog, and I can write anything I like. Even if I want to slam others, be a bitch and whine too much, be embittered and talk bad about others, that is my business. This is not English Composition or General Paper where I have to seek people's permissions on what to write about. This is my own webpage to do as I like, and I do not need any spineless nameless numbskulls to give me their two cents worth.

So if anyone is to attack me, do it to me personally. Do not say anything about my friends. Yes, no doubt I am in no position to advise my friends on what to do, but with all due respect, my friends deem me as a good and sensible enough friend to come ask me for advise in the first place, so the least I can do is to lend a listening ear even if I cannot help to solve their problems. Is that not what being a friend is all about?

So what if all my friends do are to bitch about their lives? I bitch about my own life too. So what if my friends only whine to me? I whine too. Nobody has any right to say that I hang out with losers who only complain about things. And so what if I am a vain pot who is so self-conscious of her appearance? Give me a lady who is not like that. Heck, give me a girl who does not whine and bitch to their girlfriends.

Yes, I am a slut, a bitch, a whiner, a sexist, a feminist, a know-all, but if I am all these, then pray tell me how I gave people these impressions. I believe I have enough friends who like me enough to give me the confidence that I am almost none of the above.

Yes, I am a shameless slut by declaring my feelings of someone so publicly, therefore it serves me right for not being accepted by that person. But there are people who are much bolder in their actions, and will do anything, even something unscrupulous, just to get the one they like. If I am slutty, then what are they?

Yes, I do bitch, but which girl (or guy even) does not, especially if things are not going well or if they are feeling frustrated or annoyed?

Yes, I like Chinese guys as a partner, so? There are girls who like only Caucasian guys. Does that make them racist too? I do not go around putting down others' races or religions despite my preference of a certain race for a partner. I do have close friends of all races and religions.

Yes, I slam a lot of guys, but they are deserving to say the least. I do not appreciate people who come on too strong, or think I am dying to jump into bed with them, or do not get the message even after telling them to leave me alone so many times.

I believe in equality of the sexes, but I have no qualms letting guys run the show. I do not go around declaring that women are all better and smarter than men, and men all have to bow down and kiss their feet.

Yes, I may share what I know, hence the accusation of being a "know-all", but I did confess that I do not know everything under the sun, moon and stars. I am still learning things along the way. Besides, what is the use of knowledge if one does not share? I believe in lifelong learning where people exchange their knowledge and learn from others.

Yes, I have my own tastes in movies and music, but does not everyone? Just like I do not go around criticising people who have different musical tastes, what right do people have to slam my musical taste, saying that just because I put a certain song on my blog, my musical tastes and my "claims on being a musician" (which I have never once claiimed myself as a good musician) are "something to be desired"?

If anyone is to do that, you are indirectly slamming my late teacher, because she was the one that influenced me the greatest in my music taste. The song on my blog now is "Canon in D" by Johann Pachelbel, one of my favourite pieces, but the one before this was an Italian folk song called "O Sole Mio".

That song happened to be one of those I made for my friend's wedding recently, and I thought it was lively enough to welcome the New Year in. Some of my opera chorus friends like the song too, and the song also happened to be one of my teacher's favourites. I only intended to put it up for the New Year, but when I received news of her death, I told myself to keep the song for a week as a tribute to her.

Thus, no one has any right to speak about any song I put up on my blog, especially since they do not know the full background on why certain songs are used. And many people access my blog, so if one person thinks the song is crap, then everyone else is listening to the same s*** as well. But does it really matter as long as I like the song or the song has meanings for me?

Someone said I should change my content, by making things more sexual or posing topless like some bloggers as sex sells after all. My blog is not going to be involved in any nudity, so if that is what people want, then feel free to go surf porn. This same person also said it is my blog that drives suitors away.

I do not need any dictator telling me what I can post or cannot post. I do not go around telling others what they can or cannot write in their blogs, because it is their blogs so they are the ones who have the ultimate right to decide what to write and what not to write.

I express directly and frankly how I feel, however blunt I may be, and however much I want to lash out, however much of my memory I want to unlock. Even if I want to unlock every nitty-gritty detail of my memory, that is my own problem. Even if I want to pour out my entire life story and slam everyone else, that is my problem too. Even if I want to pour my entire heart and soul out, that, too, is my problem as well.

I am a human, with emotions, with feelings, not an artifical intelligence robot who does according to people's instructions. So what if I get too emotional at times? So what if I have my own moods? So what if I like and dislike at will? Does not everyone?

I created this blog due to the inspiration of a good friend, to lash out my frustrations and feelings, thoughts and emotions, things I do not feel comfortable telling my parents or friends face to face. Paper (or in this case, cyberspace) is more patient than man, which is why a lot of people keep diaries to pen down their thoughts. Writing things down gives one a better perspective as speech sometimes gets tangled up in a web of emotions.

Sometimes I do write things on the spur of the moment which I later regret. Which is why I deleted a few entries and edited a few posts due to this "what was I thinking of" moment. But do people not do silly things sometimes at the spur of the moment?

And whoever gave people the idea that I set up a blog to attract guys? I do not need a blog to attract anyone. Guys have been attracted to me without even any blog. When I started this blog, I was still in a relationship, except the relationship ended soon after. I just find it interesting and exciting to observe the different aspects of life from the outside, looking in, and share all the hiffs and jiffs, ups and downs of society, human nature and life in general.

The bottom line is, most people do not know me personally. Who are they to judge that type of person I am just based on the things I write? Yes, those are all my feelings and thoughts on issues closest to me, but if you do not know me or my friends in person, then please refrain from thinking you know so much about me and dictate how I should lead my life. You do not need to attack my character for your own benefits, and I do not need to explain my actions to anyone as long as my conscience is clear.

There are many aspects to a person, which may not necessary be shown to everyone. Most people only see certain aspects of a person. Just like me. What I write in my blog is only certain aspects of me. What my friends see in person is some other aspects, what my exs see of me is some other aspects, and what my family see of me is yet other aspects. There is never a possibility that a person shows all aspects of him / herself to everyone all the time.

I am happy to know that I do have friends and regular readers who like what I write and agree with certain issues I brought up. Your nice comments and continuous support are the ones that keep me going, and for this, I really thank you from the bottom of my heart. I do hope to meet up with more of you though.

And I do not need to adopt or change my writing style to suit anyone, especially for those who enjoy putting me down but yet too chicken to leave their identities. This is my own blog to do anything I like, and no one has the right to tell me what I should or should not do with it.

Going Back To School ....

I received a package from SIM University last night, which includes information on the orientation programme, handbook, subject(s), user name and password for the online portal where I can access my class and lesson times and the day(s) I can collect the course materials. So my orientation will be during the afternoon of 14th January, and information on collection of materials will be online on the week of 16th January. Lessons formally start after Chinese New Year.

I must confess, although I am excited about finally going back to school, I am also a little scared. I have not hit any books since my graduation five years back or so. And there is some truth that the older one gets, the worse they get in their studies as their memories will not be as good as those younger.

I will be taking only one subject this year, the foundation module called “An Introduction to the Humanities”. Although it is only one subject, it is broken up into eight components, encompassing the eight disciplines of humanities. I will be taking courses like Art History, Literature, Music, Philosophy, Classical Studies, History, Religious Studies and History of Science and Technology,

These courses are further broken up into seven blocks. Block 1 is on the value of close scrutiny of a work, whether it is a picture, poem, a piece of music or a philosophical argument, which is supposed to equip students with the skills to understand and appreciate these arts; skills that will be called on to apply later in the course.

Block 2 is an examination, through both art history and classical studies, of the Colosseum in Rome, to recognise the elements of classical architecture as one explores the role of the Colosseum in Roman society. Interesting!

Block 3 looks at the ideas and events surrounding the French Revolution. This includes an introduction to history, which will enable the students to distinguish the proper study of the past from mere anecdote.

I will also study the philosopher whose ideas inspired the revolutionaries, Jean-Jacques Rousseau, and be able to assess the relevance of his ideas to present-day democracy and the politics of the new South Africa.

There is an art historical introduction to the contrasting styles of Classical and Romantic painting, as exemplified in the work of Jacques-Louis David (who was for a time the ‘official' painter of the revolution) and Caspar David Friedrich.

Religious studies and history of science comprises Block 4, like the nature of religion, details of different religions including a case study of Hinduism, and the problems and insights arising from the study of such a complicated phenomenon.

I will get to examine how science came to define and prioritise its concerns. The problems are vividly illustrated in a case study of the life of the Victorian scientist Alfred Russel Wallace.

Block 5 returns to the creative arts with the study of four very different texts: Shaw's Pygmalion, Euripides' Medea, Strauss' Don Juan and Jean Rhys' Wide Sargasso Sea. As well as analysing the form and structure of these works, ideas about convention and tradition, myth and gender will also be examined.

Block 6 concentrates on the decade when the opposition between tradition and innovation was prominent : the 1960s. The history units introduce some of the themes : the rise of the civil rights movement, the growth of the counter-cultures.

The other disciplines in the block - history of science, music, religious studies and art history - also contribute to the discussion of the crucial events and changes, including the rise of feminist science, innovation in both classical and pop music, the rise of 'new religious movements' and the clash of cultures between Mark Rothko and Andy Warhol.

Block 7 brings together various themes of the course, encourages the reflection on what was learnt and helps students look ahead to their choice of future courses.

Whoa!!! More and more interesting! Finally I am studying something which I really really enjoy. The good thing is that this foundation module has no examination, so the grades come from coursework. But the bad thing is that means I cannot afford to botch up any assignment.

There is an average of one assignment per month I think, which is probably enough to kill. I used to rush out three assignments per month, but that was when I was studying full-time and not doing anything else.

Now I fear how I can really cope. It is not easy going back to school after such a long sabbatical, and all the more so since I still need to work full time. Good thing is that I am studying something which I like, and something which I believe I am rather alright in, otherwise I really wonder how I can cope. My goal is to achieve a first-class honours this time, no matter what it takes.

Should Educated Women Be Stay-Home Mums?

Some time ago, a certain “big shot” brought up that full-time home makers, especially those highly-educated ones, should get out to work and contribute to the society and economy, instead of rotting away at home. This sparked off lots of rage from the home makers involved.

When I saw that forum on television, I, too, was filled with fury. What right do people have to say that full-time home makers are useless just because they do not work? In fact, I salute those women who are willing to give up high-flying and challenging careers and duo-income lifestyles to stay home, raise children, downgrade to single-income and simplify their lifestyles. That, I think, is the noblest job of all.

Strangely, this was targeted only at those average families where only the husbands work. It did not seem to include those socialites where the ladies married into wealthy families therefore no need to work. But is the concept not the same? Husbands work, wives do not work, and depend on the husbands to bring home the bacon.

So why the discrimination? In my opinion, full-time housewives actually have a more useful job as they dedicate their lives to creating a happy and conducive environment for the family and grooming the younger generation so they can be pillars to the society, whereas socialites entertain, shop and just plain enjoy lives.

This forum was so brought about due to the increasing number of educated women who left behind high-flying careers and became stay-home mums. People always think that housewives are those women who are lowly-educated and not able to find work, thus have to resort to staying at home. But now, it is the more higher-educated women, some with even Master degrees, who gave up everything for the family.

Many people say these women are crazy, as they gave up very well-paying jobs and waste their qualifications to stay at home. I always feel that academic qualifications and a job is nothing compared to bringing up well-behaved kids who make the parents and teachers proud.

It is no longer such a case that only women who are not able to find jobs have to stay at home. It is the educated women nowadays who want to be stay-home mums. I know of a few who really gave up their jobs as they say nothing gives them greater pleasure than to be by their kids’ sides.

Perhaps mothers staying home are for the best of the kids. The kids will not be neglected as they have the security of knowing their mummies will be at home waiting for them, taking care of them, and ensuring they are well-supervised in their school work, and ferrying them to their various activities.

Of course, there is a danger of taking care of the kid too much and making the kid overly-reliant on the mum. But I guess it is all subjective. Most mothers I know who stay home full-time, especially the more educated ones, more or less manage to raise very good and intelligent kids. I come from a family where both my parents work very long hours, but I do not think I am doing that badly, or am I? So perhaps it is all to do with the upbringing, how the children ultimately turn out.

Luxury : A Gilded Cage?

I had a discussion with a friend today who says once her husband's business stabilises, she will stop work. Her opinion is that women marry with the idea of not working and enjoying life. She said a lot of our friends are like that, and she believes I am like that too. I as much as told her if and when I ever marry, I will not work full-time as I want to dedicate the time to taking care of the family. But I will not totally not work.

But of course, which woman does not want to be a socialite or lady of leisure? However, "all that glistens is not gold, often have you heard that told", so said to the Prince of Morocco in "The Merchant Of Venice". Some good things are only good on the surface. Living a life of luxury is only but fleeting. How long can the lifestyle of shopping, spa, playing mahjong and entertaining last?

To me, it can probably last a few months at the most. I will go crazy after that because I will be in need of something really meaningful to do, as living a life of luxury will become empty after a while.

And marrying into a rich family is not necessarily that good or lucky a thing. I have friends who marry very wealthy guys, and not all of them are happy. Some are subjected to their in-laws' orders. A friend who married into an established family has to move in with her in-laws, asked to stop work (a job she really loved) even though she was still under bond, and her father-in-law gladly paid off the rest of her bond for her.

She was under pressure to produce a child, and when she finally conceived, under pressure to ensure the baby was a boy (luckily it is a boy), have to go according to her mother-in-law's ways on how to raise the kid, cannot go anywhere without her in-laws' permission (even if it is a night out with her husband or visiting her parents), and whenever there are guests, she has to entertain them, even though all they do are mindless chatter.

She says she chose her husband so have to subject herself to how her in-laws treat her, and according to her, they do not treat her that badly although they may be set in their ways. Well... as long as she is alright with her life. She is resigned to her fate, but yearns to be like the rest of us who can choose how we lead our lives.

So marrying into a rich family is not necessarily such a glamorous thing. The rich and famous have a certain lifestyle, so anyone who becomes part of the family has to adapt to the lifestyle. My friend said where in the past she could behave anyway she liked, now she has to constantly stand on her toes and make sure she is behaving correctly, and she remembers all the protocol, etc, as any blunder on her part means shame to the whole family.

If it is me, I will choose my freedom over a luxurious life. I want to have the freedom to do what I like even after I am married. I want to be able to just spend time with my husband alone, or dump the kids at my mum's or in-laws' place then go on a holiday with my husband. I want to be able to visit my parents anytime I like, or go out with my friends. And of course, if I decide to still work full-time, I want to be able to continue working without anyone saying anything.

Some people will say it is mad to give up a rich lifestyle to live an average lifestyle. There are people who only want to marry rich guys, the richer the better. But does the money make you happy if the marriage does not? For both people to get married, there must be love and a future of happiness together. How rich the person is should only be a bonus and not a requirement.

If my second ex and I had gotten married, I could have been a lady of leisure. Big allowance, free travel to wherever I like every year, discounted travel to any destination the rest of the year, nice gifts from overseas like authentic Prada wallet from Milan, jewellery from Tiffany & Co in New York, opal necklace from New Zealand, etc. And I do not even need to work to have all these! Who does not like this type of life? I will be lying if I say I do not like it.

But the insecurity will always be building up. To think of one's husband flying all over and away from home so frequently, plus his colleagues are mostly those young gorgeous sexy stewardesses (some whom once they get their claws on a guy will never let go), and you have no idea what exactly he is doing behind your back. The incessant worry will probably make me lose my sanity even sooner. I rather give up all the luxury and lead a more secure life.

So perhaps in comparison, living a simple and average life is better than a rich and luxurious one. At least one can lead the lives they like without being subjected to anybody's scrutiny. I do not need all the riches in the world to have a happy family life; likewise all the riches in the world do not necessarily make a happy family life.

Half Empty Or Half Full?

A few days back, a friend remarked, "What is so happy about new year?" That came about because this new year, there is the big Indonesian flood; last new year was the tsunami disaster; and the new year before that was the bird flu epidemic.

Come to think of it, it is true that for the past few years since I-cannot-remember-when, there has been disaster after disaster every end of December / beginning of January. So much so that a lot of people do not even look forward to the coming of the new year anymore, because they think there may be some disaster somewhere again.

True, for the past few years, people have lost their loved ones during this period. Those poor souls never lived to see the coming of the new year. So for those who have lost their loved ones, the coming of the new year is no longer any cause for celebration as they will always be reminded of their loss.

But I guess depression and misery is only as far as how people want it to be. It is something like some people forever seeing the glass as half empty, whereas there will always be others who see the glass as half full.

Heartless as I may sound considering my recent "bereavement", I feel that those people, instead of forever mourning their loss (not saying that they should not), but why not look around and be grateful for what they have instead of what they have lost? Grateful that they are still alive, grateful that they still have some loved ones and families, grateful that there are people who care for them.

My late teacher's husband and daughter did not shed a tear at her funeral. Now the father-daughter can only depend on each other. Some may think they are heartless by not crying, but I suppose they were the ones who have a first-hand encounter of how she battled with her illness, how much she had suffered, the pain she had gone through, so perhaps her passing is in a way - relief? happiness? peace? - to them. And I cannot say I do not agree with them in this respect.

I have seen how much my late cousin suffered when she was struck down with leukaemia. I have seen the numerous tubes poking into her at the hospital, and the loss of all her hair. She was only eight then, only a few months younger than me, and I really cried seeing her that way. When her suffering finally came to an end, I was so relieved that she would not be painful anymore.

No doubt people cannot help being a pessimist in light of all the negative things going on in the world right now. But being pessimistic is not likely to get one anywhere, so why not be optimistic and confident that things will only get better?

I have to constantly remind myself of this too, to only see the glass being half full, and it is up to me to make it always full.

Confessions Of A Vain Pot ....

Few days ago when I was flipping through one of those female magazines I read, there was an article entitled “Confessions of a Cosmetic Addict”. The author of the article stated how she ran out of concealer and lipstick, and had no time to buy, so in the end, she had to go out of her house wearing sunglasses and a scarf over her head, so no one would see her without any makeup.

Sometimes when I read the extent some people go to, I feel like laughing. But it is rude to laugh at others, considering I am also a vain pot. Just like the girl in the article, she said she felt so naked without any makeup on her face, I, too, will never step out of my house without at least applying lip gloss and moisturiser as the bare minimum. Of course when I go to the office, I need to apply the full makeup for a professional executive look.

Considering I only discovered makeup at the age of eighteen and started really applying makeup after graduation, I seem to have come quite far. I remember at one church Christmas concert where I was dancing as an angel, I was supposed to have all the gold dust and heavy makeup applied on my face, and I did not even know how to put on face powder! I was already eighteen, yet I had to wait for someone to apply makeup on me!

That Christmas, someone gave me my first makeup kit, and I called my best friend to come over and gave me a crash course on how to apply. Never again would I be embarrassed at not knowing how to put on makeup when I was already that age. Through the years, I attended various makeup courses, and through practice, at least managed to improve a bit (although not to perfection yet). At least for the last major performance at the Esplanade, I was able to put on my own makeup, and helped some of my friends too!

Nowadays, girls as young as ten already know how to apply makeup. When I brought my students out for a choir performance, they wanted to touch up on their face powder and lipsticks, and those upper primary girls could really apply makeup, even better than me! And they knew to help the younger girls to apply too. Wonder where they learnt their skills from?

I never bothered really dressing up in the past, as I always thought people should take you at face value instead of how well you look or dress. Then later I realise that first impressions do count, and if one dresses and looks like a slob, it will be ingrained in people’s minds that you are probably one, and can never be trusted to do anything of a higher-level. No doubt it is unfair and shallow to just judge people like this, but once someone has a negative first impression of others, normally they will get rather prejudiced at that person.

So since then, every time I meet someone for the first time, I make sure I am well-dressed and presentable-looking enough. And so, the habit became so in me that whenever I go out, I must wear something decent and apply makeup. Sometimes my mum scolded me for being so vain, as she always sees me applying lip gloss whenever we went out, even if it was just to my grandma’s place or a little cosy family meal.

I have heard feedback that guys will be attracted to you only if you are sophisticated looking enough. Yet I heard other feedback that if the guy really loves you, he would not mind how you look like. But in the first place, to get the guy to even notice you, the girl must be rather pleasant in appearance and not a slob, is it not?

Some guys prefer the girls to wear just light makeup, whereas other guys would only like to see the girl at her prettiest. Some guys complain that if the girl has makeup on, it is hard to kiss, whereas other guys have no qualms having lip stick all over. So I guess it all boils down to what the guy likes.

For me, I will feel a bit out of sorts if I go out with a bare face, so the guy I end up with next time has to just accept it if he gets lip gloss or lip stick all over when he kisses me, because essentially I like to look good, not just for my guy, but more for myself!

Music - Food For The Soul

I like to take this opportunity to give a tribute to my late teacher, who had just been cremated earlier on. She was the one that first exposed me to music and music education. She cultivated my love and interest in music, and exposed me to the different genres. She always gave me the hardest songs to play, lead roles in all the concerts and performances, and really stretched me to the fullest.

Because of her, I am able to play songs which I never thought I could; able to be involved in national performances which I never thought I could qualify; able to have my song composition selected as a teaching piece – something I never ever thought possible in my life.

Right now, I cannot imagine my life without music. My life has been so much more enriched ever since I discovered music, all those more than twenty years ago, when my mum first enrolled me into the Junior Music Course in one of the big music schools for keyboard lessons. Since then, I began a long journey of music playing and performing which had followed me all the way through right into my adulthood.

Ironically, I started playing music long before singing and dancing, yet through the years, I stop playing music that intensively, and concentrated on singing, and soon to be dancing as well. Now I think I should have continued playing. I cannot play as well anymore due to the very long sabbatical.

I find playing the piano really soothing and relaxing, especially in those stressful school years when I wanted to indulge in nice music and forget all my frustrations and stress. Playing the piano helps to bang all my stress away by running my fingers up and down the keys. And I always found it a challenge to try songs which are a level higher.

Playing the electronic organ (or electone) is much easier compared to the piano, except the feet are involved due to the pedals. An organ piece does not have as many running notes or block chords as a piano piece, nor are the organ keys as hard as the piano keys. Playing the organ is a good way of having a solo mini-concert, and swaying away to the rhythm, beat and sounds of the song is such a nice feeling. Those pop songs can really be brought to life in an organ piece!

I stumbled into singing quite by accident. I enjoyed those nursery rhymes and children’s songs which I used to sing in kindergarten, but I did not really like singing until Primary Three when we had to choose a school curricular activity. I did not know which one to choose out of so many choices.

In the end, I decided on violin. But my parents did not wish to buy me a violin on the basis that it is very expensive, and I have enough music lessons outside of school. So in the end, I was the only one in my class left without a school activity.

The week before all the curricular activities started, the teacher in charge came to my class and said another teacher wanted to see me on that Saturday about my curricular activity. I knew that teacher as the one in charge of choir, so I went to see her. And she told me that her choir needed people, and since I did not have an activity, she asked if I would like to join.

I did not even know what a choir was then, but since I needed a curricular activity, I agreed. And the next thing I knew, she took me to the music room, put me in front, and started the warm-ups, before distributing the songs we were supposed to sing.

At first it was just for fun, since the songs we were singing were lively and nice, and I could finally tell my form teacher that I, too, had a curricular activity. Then the following year, we were involved in the school’s anniversary concert at the Singapore Conference Hall auditorium. It was my first public choir performance.

No doubt before that I have performed in various concerts organized by the music school which my teacher sent me for, but the first public performance for the choir made me realise I never wanted to do anything else after that because I found it so fun to perform, and hearing applause after applause after you have performed was really lifting.

After this, the choir performed in Kallang Theatre, Victoria Theatre, Victoria Concert Hall, mostly as part of the National Day Sing Singapore competitions, but also sometimes as the Singapore Youth Festival’s Choral component. Subsequently, all the other choirs I joined were also heavily involved in performance, be it for the school’s Book and Music Week, or the Singapore Youth Festival’s Choral component, or International Choral Festivals, although I have never been chosen to perform overseas. :-(

I started performing more and more as well for my music school. Once in a while, there would be promotions at various shopping malls, and my teacher would always sign me up as one of the solo performers. She would also put me up for auditions and performances for the Singapore Electone Festival, or the Piano Festival, and she would also ask me to perform for her graduating classes as a promotion to the parents how continuing music education would be like.

My love for music really started due to the various stage exposures. After the first choral performance, I wanted to do it seriously, so I started being more serious in my music classes and more involved in the music activities of my school. Plus, all the music involvement could give me time off from studying all the time.

All the way until lower secondary, the only form of music I was exposed to was the music taught in school, the classical pieces and a bit of the pop songs from the music school, songs which my parents listened to, and songs from musicals like “Sound of Music”.

When “Les Miserables” and “Phantom of the Opera” performed here, I started to like the songs from the musical genre, which later enabled me convince my Principal in the school I was teaching in to organise a students’ outing to watch “Oliver!” and “Forbidden City”. And my parents know about my interest in musicals, so treated me to "Mamma Mia!" for my birthday in 2004.

Initially I could not relate to my secondary school peers on the songs they listened to, because my parents forbade any form of radio listening at home so I could concentrate on studying. Then when my dad gave me his old Walkman after buying a new one, I started to tune in to Perfect Ten and got to know the type of songs which my friends were all listening to at that period of time.

And I found that listening to music while studying actually improved my focus, concentration and mind. At least I was more alert to absorb what I was studying and able to do my homework better and faster, with lesser mistakes.

My classmates used to dedicate songs to each other on Perfect Ten. The then-deejay was Mark Richmond, everyone’s favourite deejay at that moment in time. I almost always laughed at his antics. I started to learn more about teenage life like dating (I was so sheltered that I had to resort to radio and conversations between my classmates to really know what was going on!), boyfriend dedicating songs to girlfriend and vice versa, expressing their feelings for each other, ex-boyfriend apologising over the radio to ex-girlfriend and requesting for another chance. I started to really live a life, instead of being so non-exposed, restricted and sheltered.

When I was finally able to watch movies with my friends, I got more exposed to the various movie music and soundtracks, some which have become my favourites of all time, and some which I did not really like. Through the years, I developed my own likes and dislikes to music. My musical tastes differ in the different stages of my life, through various influences. There are certain types of music which I like, and certain types which I will never listen to.

Throughout university, I listened to Class 95 and Gold 90.5. I started liking oldies more than modern rap or pop. I find slow rock, classical, folk songs, jazz, new age, alternative, and soothing movie soundtracks more my cup of tea than hard rock or disco pop.

My ex-boyfriends and I used to dedicate songs to each other through Class 95. We would tune in to the late-night programme, where there would be four hours of Class 95 Love Songs, then send a message via mobile to the deejay and dedicate whichever song was on the list, together with a short message on why we loved each other. Quite corny now, come to think of it, but those days were really good.

Now I have my own favourite genres of music. I listen to as many songs as possible, but there are some songs that I will listen to more. Music really enriches my mind, body and soul, and I cannot imagine how to survive without it.

All because of one person who exposed me to music and cultivated my interest in it. I went back to performing partly because of her. When I heard about her illness, I felt I had to do something to pay her back for what she had taught me.

So hence, although a bit too late, but I still want to dedicate this song to her. It is one of my ultimate favourite songs, which always brings tears to my eyes whenever I hear the song. The song touches me, heart and soul, and I hope the song will touch her too, wherever she is right now.

Which Girl Would Guys Choose?

Girl A : Pretty, elegant, smart, dresses well, makes up well, high-flier, but pampered, wants things her way, extravagant in buying all the branded and expensive goods, incompetent in cooking and cleaning, cannot stand children.

Girl B : More average-looking, simpler in dressing, smart, high-flier, able to cook and clean, thrifty, loves children.

Now, which one would guys choose as a girlfriend or wife? Is it Girl A or Girl B?

I asked four guys, and all said they would choose Girl B, even my brother. Rather a surprise to me actually, since I always thought guys would prefer someone pretty and sophisticated. But my friends said that a pretty girl can only be for show, but if they are to look for a wife, they will want someone who can at least be a home maker, even if she is in a high-flying career. And they do not like the idea of a girlfriend or wife spending unnecessarily.

This brought about because my mum told me her new year resolution for me is to help out more at home, as part of my “training” to be a homemaker. I asked her that she actually wanted me to be a homemaker? She told me that when I find someone to marry me, the guy would like it if I can cook and clean, be it whether I will be working or not after that.

She said that guys want to marry someone they are confident in setting up a home with, and not someone who is only “for display” so to speak. My uncles and cousins all look for girls like that when they were finding their wives, and she has male colleagues who chose simple, plainer-looking girls who can cook and clean over prettier and more sophisticated ones.

Hmmmm…. is that true? Do guys really look for someone who can cook and clean rather than someone who only has a pretty face? I hear a lot of cases where guys dump their girlfriends just because they found prettier and younger girls. This happened to me too.

But come to think of it, my friends who are married are those who can do some form of housework. Even for those who did not know, they started to learn before and after getting married. I have friends who have been pampered all their lives, yet when they got married, they actually started cooking for their husbands.

Yet, those of my friends who refuse to compromise on this issue, ie have never done any housework and will never do any housework, are those that are still single and keep getting out of relationships. Perhaps there is something there after all.

I was told that guys still love it if their ladies cook and clean for them. I know this is important and I will gladly and willingly do that for the one special guy, but I have never known how true it really is. I always thought that it is up to the girl whether she is willing to cook and clean for the guy. In this modern times, do guys really still prefer someone who can at least do some form of housework?

An Eulogy ....

First day of the new year, and I was stuck home … again, de-cluttering my room. Times like these I really wonder how in the world I accumulated so much junk? But I would not even call them junk, since everything in my room means something to me. Letters from pen-pals and friends, love letters and gifts of old, Teachers’ Day gifts for four years, teaching resources, old textbooks (I actually found my old law books!), soft toys, old magazines, books, cosmetics, bags, scarves, shawls ….. how in the world did I have so many things?!

I spent yesterday sorting out all the clutter, and today re-arranging and categorising my things to make them easier to sort out. Looks like tomorrow will be another day of de-cluttering. Hopefully I can finish sorting out everything and clear my room for once, then perhaps I can finally live in a clean and tidy room, not a pigsty. And my mum and I will both be happy.

I spent some time praying for my late teacher earlier on. I contacted my friend (the only one of our class whom I still keep in touch with) and told him the news. He was also shocked, as when he went with me to visit her two years back when she was first discharged from the hospital, she looked pretty well. Now I regret not keeping in contact with the rest of our classmates, then they could be notified as well.

I told my second and third ex the news too. My second ex knew her as he used to escort me to and from the music school that period of time when she was training me for the music teaching qualifications. When she organized a gathering for all our old classmates after officially completing my lessons (the first and last gathering apparently), she invited my ex along as well. She was just as surprised when the relationship ended.

My third ex saw her once when I brought him along to visit her in the music school, since we happened to be at the shopping mall where the music school is located. Then when she was discharged after her first treatment, he and I, together with my above-mentioned friend, went to visit her together. Both my exs expressed their sympathies, and were just as shocked at the news.

When I saw her in the coffin, I got the shock of my life. She looked so different. The illness had really sapped the life and energy out of her. Where she used to be so robust-looking, her body looked so skeletal and sallow. She was like a different person. And I just could not help it, I cried when I saw her. Her husband and daughter were trying to be so strong, but one could see that they, too, have been sobbing.

Now I regret so many things. I never told her how much she meant to me. I never told her how much she had influenced me. I never thanked her for everything she had done for me. I should have told her long before. I should have thanked her every week for her lessons, for her comfort, for her advice.

She was the one that made me wanted to pursue a music career in the first place. She was the one that made me wanted to teach (plus I was also inspired by a few of my other teachers). She was the one that cultivated my love for music. She always thought I was the most talented in her class (although I do not think I have that much talent), so always made sure she nurtured me until I scored the best in the examinations, comfortable with public performances, and created opportunities for me to perform in the various music school performances.

She was the one who encouraged me to apply for a music scholarship (which in the end I had to turn down as my parents refused to give their consents), sent me for a music composition and song-writing course, made me the lead singer and player during the graduation concert. She called my parents and urged them not to let me drop my music classes by telling them I was the most talented of all her students.

It was because of her that I took Music as one of my majors in NIE, then tried so much to contribute to the music activities in my school. I wanted to be an inspiration and motivation to my students, just like her.

Yet now I feel I have let her down. Why did I not pursue a diploma, or even a degree, in music? Why did I not follow in her footsteps as she was so hoping for me to? Why did I choose to do other things instead? And I could not even inspire my students even a quarter of how she had inspired me.

Now that she is no longer here, I did not even have the chance to pay her back twofold what she did for me. I always thought she would recover, then go back to teach again, and one of these days I would join her. But now there is no chance of that now.

This makes me realise that life is really so precious. You never know that the person who could be talking to you this moment could suddenly be gone the next moment, and the world is then short of one good person. I really have to treasure the people around me more. One just have to be thankful for being alive.