The day before I left for Japan, I was in conversation with a couple of friends. The first was my best friend’s ex. It started when I sent a normal Christmas and New Year’s greeting, a couple of days in advance. Since I would not be around on the actual day, I thought to send out the greeting earlier.
He then replied, “So where are you off to?” I was stunned. I asked, “Why, did she [my best friend] tell you I’m going away?” And he said, “No, I haven’t spoken to her in ages! You sending an advance greeting can only mean you will not be available on the day itself, thus I conclude you must be going away.”
Wow… he is still as astute as before! Still one of the few really intelligent, yet most humble guys I have come across! Well, those who have been reading my blog, is on my messenger and social networking profile will know because I as much as indicated I will be away in my status messages, but he is on neither of these, which is why I am still amazed at his sharpness.
The thing is, he gives people the impression he is just a simple heartlander, because of his laid-back and easygoing attitude. However, beneath that simple exterior lies one of the brightest minds I have ever seen. His attitude kind of puts people off, because on the surface, he seems as if he shows no interest in anything, but once you really get to know him, it is hard to keep up with his intellect.
The second person I was conversing with is an old friend. She was my schoolmate back in secondary school, and we have always remained rather close. We used to go to each other’s places and played with each other, I got to know her family members rather well, and vice versa. She is someone I would say a commitment-phobic. She had a series of relationships but all did not work out as her expectations were too high, yes, even higher than mine.
So imagine my surprise when she told me, “By the way, I am getting married next year (in this case, this year, since it was before Christmas when we had this conversation).” I know she has been with someone for almost a year, but she has been saying she keeps telling him she will never get married as long as her hair is still short (her hair is now shoulder-length), and he panicked each time she said she would be making a trip to the salon.
I was like, “What? You finally agreed to his proposal?!” To which she said, “What do you mean by finally? He has never officially proposed, only keeps going on about getting married!” I congratulated her of course, and she said he had it rather easy, just asked, she agreed and then talked to her parents and they gave their blessings, everything was done in just an hour!
Wow… no flowers or ring, no romantic notions, no candlelight dinner…. just a simple question and a simple answer. That was it. And she is now officially engaged! Even someone with such high expectations and who is commitment-phobic is now on her way to lifetime happiness! I feel so happy for her!
Which makes me wonder, what about me? Even though some people may disagree, I am definitely not commitment-phobic. I do not need long courtships or long years of dating, especially now at this age. As long as I find someone I can foresee a future with and vice versa, and who is willing to commit, I will commit. Even if it is just after a few months or so.
Some guys have accused me of not being willing to settle down. Maybe I should put it this way – I am not commitment-phobic, I do want to settle down, but that is not to say I just get myself married to just anyone. There is a big difference. I will not be with anyone unless my entire heart and soul is into it, and once that happens, I will drop everything to marry him once he asks.
Well, for those who have been following my musings, have I not been explicit enough about my yearnings to find a partner? In any case, the time when I was away, there were some deep conversations with my friends too. Like how we girls bonded together while indulging in the hot spring. And the last dinner in Sapporo with my guy friend after the other two girls have left.
We talked about what we want for a partner (both of us agreed that the person will be someone we can foresee a future with), shared more about our history and life before we knew each other, and that a guy asking a girl out or for a tour does not mean anything, which I agree! Just like a girl asking a guy out for a meal or movie, or tour, also does not mean anything!
Most people think there must be some amount of interest if someone asks someone from the opposite gender out, but the bottomline is, we ask people out if we feel comfortable with them (be it same gender or otherwise). However, being comfortable with the person and getting along with the person does not necessary mean anything! It does not mean I find the person potential or want to be with the person, which is why I ask the person out!
This is something a lot of guys do not understand, they think I talk to them because I am interested in them! For me, I enjoy talking, which is why I talk to just about anyone. That does not mean I like the person, therefore I start a conversation. Of course, there are people whom I will never talk to unless really absolutely necessary, but other than that, I really enjoy deep conversations with people.
Unfortunately, or maybe it is just the company I keep, there is hardly anyone I can really have deep conversations with. Most are just superficial. I do not want to assume that locals are not capable of deep conversations because there are many I have come across who are, but I see a difference between locals and foreigners.
For instance, on thirtieth December, we were invited to an open house at the ski resort, where one of the developers was promoting their new project, due to open in mid-2009. We were the first ones to arrive, and along the way, more people came streaming in. Most of them were tourists from various places, going there just to ski.
My friends and I immediately struck up conversations with the people there. They in turn could talk to us as if we had known each other for a long time! It is a good way to network. Unfortunately, it was one of my “off” days, as I had a gruelling day at the ski slope that I was totally shagged, so not in the mood to talk much. Thus, halfway through, I just sat around and listened to the conversations going on between the others.
If it had been anyone else I know, they would never go to any of these networking dinners. Even if they did, they would just go there for the meal, drinks, and then go off, without bothering talking to anyone else. At times I wonder, why do people keep to themselves? It is not a matter of being a private person. One can be a private person yet behave properly in a social setting, because it is really rude to just keep quiet and not interact with others.
He then replied, “So where are you off to?” I was stunned. I asked, “Why, did she [my best friend] tell you I’m going away?” And he said, “No, I haven’t spoken to her in ages! You sending an advance greeting can only mean you will not be available on the day itself, thus I conclude you must be going away.”
Wow… he is still as astute as before! Still one of the few really intelligent, yet most humble guys I have come across! Well, those who have been reading my blog, is on my messenger and social networking profile will know because I as much as indicated I will be away in my status messages, but he is on neither of these, which is why I am still amazed at his sharpness.
The thing is, he gives people the impression he is just a simple heartlander, because of his laid-back and easygoing attitude. However, beneath that simple exterior lies one of the brightest minds I have ever seen. His attitude kind of puts people off, because on the surface, he seems as if he shows no interest in anything, but once you really get to know him, it is hard to keep up with his intellect.
The second person I was conversing with is an old friend. She was my schoolmate back in secondary school, and we have always remained rather close. We used to go to each other’s places and played with each other, I got to know her family members rather well, and vice versa. She is someone I would say a commitment-phobic. She had a series of relationships but all did not work out as her expectations were too high, yes, even higher than mine.
So imagine my surprise when she told me, “By the way, I am getting married next year (in this case, this year, since it was before Christmas when we had this conversation).” I know she has been with someone for almost a year, but she has been saying she keeps telling him she will never get married as long as her hair is still short (her hair is now shoulder-length), and he panicked each time she said she would be making a trip to the salon.
I was like, “What? You finally agreed to his proposal?!” To which she said, “What do you mean by finally? He has never officially proposed, only keeps going on about getting married!” I congratulated her of course, and she said he had it rather easy, just asked, she agreed and then talked to her parents and they gave their blessings, everything was done in just an hour!
Wow… no flowers or ring, no romantic notions, no candlelight dinner…. just a simple question and a simple answer. That was it. And she is now officially engaged! Even someone with such high expectations and who is commitment-phobic is now on her way to lifetime happiness! I feel so happy for her!
Which makes me wonder, what about me? Even though some people may disagree, I am definitely not commitment-phobic. I do not need long courtships or long years of dating, especially now at this age. As long as I find someone I can foresee a future with and vice versa, and who is willing to commit, I will commit. Even if it is just after a few months or so.
Some guys have accused me of not being willing to settle down. Maybe I should put it this way – I am not commitment-phobic, I do want to settle down, but that is not to say I just get myself married to just anyone. There is a big difference. I will not be with anyone unless my entire heart and soul is into it, and once that happens, I will drop everything to marry him once he asks.
Well, for those who have been following my musings, have I not been explicit enough about my yearnings to find a partner? In any case, the time when I was away, there were some deep conversations with my friends too. Like how we girls bonded together while indulging in the hot spring. And the last dinner in Sapporo with my guy friend after the other two girls have left.
We talked about what we want for a partner (both of us agreed that the person will be someone we can foresee a future with), shared more about our history and life before we knew each other, and that a guy asking a girl out or for a tour does not mean anything, which I agree! Just like a girl asking a guy out for a meal or movie, or tour, also does not mean anything!
Most people think there must be some amount of interest if someone asks someone from the opposite gender out, but the bottomline is, we ask people out if we feel comfortable with them (be it same gender or otherwise). However, being comfortable with the person and getting along with the person does not necessary mean anything! It does not mean I find the person potential or want to be with the person, which is why I ask the person out!
This is something a lot of guys do not understand, they think I talk to them because I am interested in them! For me, I enjoy talking, which is why I talk to just about anyone. That does not mean I like the person, therefore I start a conversation. Of course, there are people whom I will never talk to unless really absolutely necessary, but other than that, I really enjoy deep conversations with people.
Unfortunately, or maybe it is just the company I keep, there is hardly anyone I can really have deep conversations with. Most are just superficial. I do not want to assume that locals are not capable of deep conversations because there are many I have come across who are, but I see a difference between locals and foreigners.
For instance, on thirtieth December, we were invited to an open house at the ski resort, where one of the developers was promoting their new project, due to open in mid-2009. We were the first ones to arrive, and along the way, more people came streaming in. Most of them were tourists from various places, going there just to ski.
My friends and I immediately struck up conversations with the people there. They in turn could talk to us as if we had known each other for a long time! It is a good way to network. Unfortunately, it was one of my “off” days, as I had a gruelling day at the ski slope that I was totally shagged, so not in the mood to talk much. Thus, halfway through, I just sat around and listened to the conversations going on between the others.
If it had been anyone else I know, they would never go to any of these networking dinners. Even if they did, they would just go there for the meal, drinks, and then go off, without bothering talking to anyone else. At times I wonder, why do people keep to themselves? It is not a matter of being a private person. One can be a private person yet behave properly in a social setting, because it is really rude to just keep quiet and not interact with others.
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