Praising And Worshipping ...

Tonight at the weekly Woman's Prayer Meet, we touched on praise and worship, which means the singing and praying and raising up the hands and speaking in tongues. I am no stranger to praise and worship, but it is still a strange concept to me.

 

I first got introduced to praise and worship in my first relationship. I just finished my 'O' levels, and entered a new school. I studied in a convent, with four years of cathechism, and before that, my cousin brought me to a Catholic church, hence at that point in time, the only kind of church service I knew was the Catholic mass and the Catholic way of praying.

 

Then I got to know a guy, a fellow schoolmate, who is the son of a pastor in a charismatic Christian church. He brought me to his church, and that was the first time I came across praise and worship. I was so overwhelmed then as I did not know what everyone was doing. All I remembered was strange gestures, strange language and people falling and shaking all over.

 

At that point in time, I thought I went into a cult with the devil possessing these people. Yes I know, I was ignorant, and for any Christian out there who wanted to fire me off, please bear in mind I was not yet seventeen, and first time I experienced something like that, so the experience was scary and overwhelming.

 

Furthermore, the church service was draggy. Sorry for using the word draggy, but that time I really thought it was! The service would start around eleven in the morning, where there would be singing and all the "chanting", which would last for around an hour or so. Even the singing I was not used to it then, as the Catholic was was the traditional solumn hymns, whereas the singing there was more to rock music.

 

After that would be the sermon. The pastor was really charismatic and brought the message across. That would last for another hour. Then more praise and worship, and the "chanting" began again. This time round, the pastor would call people with problems out, and these people would be prayed over, and then they would start falling and shaking on the floor. This would last for another hour or longer.

 

Hence, the entire service averaged three hours. It was the longest church service I ever attended! I was really not used to that so just as well things did not work out between that guy and I as I was really not comfortable with that kind of intensive praise and worship.

 

Two years back, I attended a Conversion Experience Retreat, conducted by our newly ordained Archbishop. Of course he was not the Archbishop then. All the time I was a Catholic, I always thought Catholic masses are traditional and more solemn. But when I went for the retreat, there was massive praise and worship. The choir was singing like rock stars and there were lots of speaking in tongues, and the priest went around to each and everyone, put his hand on their heads, and most of them just fell.

 

For some reason, maybe because I am much older, I found this experience refreshing. Even though I still find a long praise and worship session too intensive for me, I am now ready to welcome it into my prayer life.

 

Hence when today's session was on a mini praise and worship, I was actually receptive. And I found I could speak in tongues more easily, even though I still could not understand a single word of what I was saying.

 

Hopefully I can start incorporating praying in tongues and praise and worship more into my own prayer life. Then perhaps God can talk to me for once?

Lighting The Light Of Christ

Today I had a very fulfilling lesson with my Cathechism kids. Before Easter, we introduced the concept of the Paschal candle, and the children had a little hands-on session on making the paschal candle.

 

Today's lesson was an interactive one where we were lighting up the light of Christ. First we changed the prayer table, switching the cloth from purple to white. Then I placed the Paschal Candle in the middle of a tray, and asked one of the kids to light up the candle.

 

Next, I got everyone of the kids to take a tealight candle, light it and place their tealights next and around the Paschal Candle, while the song "Christ Be Our Light" was playing in the background. That was a solemn time as the kids were excitedly but quietly lighting up and placing their own candles.

 

After that I told them the significance of the candles - to light up the house and welcome Jesus into their lives. Jesus had resurrected and He would go to save them from sin. Okay, I know I sound too preachy now.

 

Then we turned to our bibles and read Matthew 28:1 to 7, on the empty tomb of Jesus and the coming of Jesus to his disciples. I explained the meaning of the verses, and then told them to do their journal reflections, on what does the lighting of the light of Christ mean to them?

 

Surprisingly, most of the kids gave very good answers. Their reflection was really spot on and they actually understood the gist of the whole lesson. I am really impressed and happy!

 

The end of the lesson, we had a closing prayer, and I got them to snuff out their candles, including the Paschal Candle one by one. I think the kids really love this lesson as it was interactive, and because they got involved, they were able to absorb the lesson more.

 

Not just them, even I. When reading their journal reflections, I also learnt from them, that how they felt when lighting the light of Christ, and how they felt Christ meant to them. You really have a lot to learn from kids! That is why I enjoy being with kids so much, as they really perk up one's life.

Black Smoke, Black Smoke, White Smoke

This new millennium has certainly been a century of changes. We have the first African-American President, who is currently serving his second term. We have the first Pope to step down in six hundred years. And now, we have the first Latin American Pope, and a Jesuit at that.

 

The new Pope is probably sparking off controversy. For me, I just embraced the news. It does not really matter who the new Pope is going to be, because personally I do not find myself that affected by whatever changes the church is going to have. I just feel this news is so timely because Emeritus Pope can finally retire back to his own hometown, and the new Pope will start off with the Good Friday and Easter festivities.

 

Sometimes I think God really knows. This year, the World Youth Day is going to be in Brazil. And now our new Pope is an Argentinian. Is that not just so timely? World Youth Day in Latin America with a Latin American Pope. How appropriate.

 

Here's wishing Pope Francis I all the best in his tenure! Hopefully I get to go Vatican and see him one day!

The Papal Conclave

The papal conclave started yesterday, and after one day of closed door "discussion", there is only black smoke, which means the new Pope has still not been elected or decided. For the first time, the retired Pope is able to watch on the television the conclave process and who his successor will be. That calls for interesting news indeed, because previous Popes never had a chance to know who their successor was.

 

The most likely candidate so far is this Cardinal from Italy, but anything can happen during the procedure, is it not? I wonder who the final choice will be, and will Pope Emeritus be happy with the choice? Let us stay tuned to find out.

Episcopal Ordination Of New Archbishop

Today is the Episcopal Ordination of our new Archbishop. This year seems like a pretty significant year so far. Our Archbishop changed, and our Pope resigned. What next I wonder? Will they allow women to be priests? I really hope for that!

 

I had the priviledge of attending a retreat conducted by our incoming Archbishop a couple of years back. He is someone who is very intense about his faith, and very giving to the people he serves. Although some may find him arrogant, but he does drive home good points and inspire lots of people. In fact, for those who have been to his retreat, they have always changed their view towards their religion. Not just that, every time when his retreat was going to be conducted, the registration is always full within the first day. Hence I was rather priviledged to have attended at that point in time.

 

I do believe that God only chooses the best people to serve. So even though this has been a year of leadership changes, I trust that all will be well and with new blood, there may be new ways and activities of doing things. I hope these new changes will bring the faith up to a positive light!

The Catholic Lawyers' Guild

I have wanted to join a religious network for a long time. A religious network does not mean a community, but just a network for like-minded people to pray and take part in some of the activities. There is the Catholic Business Network, but these are mainly for business owners or those who are partners in some firms, which does not really relate to me.

 

After searching, I found the Catholic Lawyers' Guild, which is just perfect! I can be on the network, and if I choose to, take part in the activities and mingle with people of my profession. The membership fee is very reasonable too. After all, the Law Society and Academy of Law membership is already a very large sum as compared to this!

 

Hence I have sent in my application. Whether I get selected as a member or not, I do not know, but at least it is worth trying!

Faith In Action?

After the disappointment over the Brazil tour, yesterday I came across another sort of pilgrimage tour that looks much more interesting. World Vision is having a trip to Israel! What joy it is to visit the Holy Land, following the footsteps of Jesus and see where Jesus was born! This is definitely a much more exciting tour!

This time round, I am definitely going for it. In fact, ever since I saw the brochure, nothing has been troubling me. I felt peace and confidence when I thought of going to this tour. Maybe it is too early to say now, but perhaps this is something I should do? As I said, God really has something else planned out for me!

Furthermore the cost is much cheaper than the Brazil tour, and we are staying in better places too! The itinerary includes going to Tiberias, Jerusalem, Galilee, Bethlehem, and swimming in the Dead Sea! That can be my dying wish come true!

I will be sending in my application soon and keeping my fingers crossed I can really go this time!

A Declaration Of Appropriate Behaviour

Another year has started, and today there was the annual meeting for Cathechists in my church. This year I would be moving up, taking on Primary Six kids from the previous three years in Primary Five, which means I would most likely be taking back the same batch of children from last year.

 

It was a fulfilling meeting. After all the hoo ha about the scandals in Rome, our revered Pope filtered down a rule to every (Catholic) church in the world, that those who are involved with faith formation of children have to sign a declaration.

 

Hence this year, anyone involved in ministries involving children, like Cathechism, Children's Ministry, Children's Choir, etc, have to sign the declaration. The declaration is a document outlining the "Appropriate Standard Behaviour" to follow where children are involved. By signing the declaration, we are binding ourselves to the promise that we will uphold the best and most appropriate behaviour when dealing with children.

 

I am not sure if this is even necessary. No doubt there had been some black sheep, but I believe generally most of us are there to serve. If we are there to serve, the higher calling is that God is watching us, and we are kind of doing God's work by evangelising to the children. So would any of us even think of harming those innocent kids? Still, I guess to have a peace of mind, we just need to sign and be bound to that.

 

In any case, I am looking forward to another year of journey with these kids. Hopefully they do not give me more trouble this year than last year!

Surrendering All ...

Starting this year, I joined a woman's group consisting of mostly Catholics. Their fellowship is on every Friday night, and I am ashamed to say I have not been very regular because somehow Friday nights, everyone wants to have events like wedding, dinner, work. However, I try to attend as many sessions as possible.

 

This group benefits me because they consist of only women (duh!), so the things I share, my experiences, and God's message to women, really relate to me. Whereas they can also relate to the things I have experienced, especially pertaining to men and relationships. So even though I am not one who speak up a lot when it comes to religion, I find myself looking forward to going whenever I can.

 

The books we are asked to read and do reflection on are really meaningful and I find the exercises so relevant. When I was reading the books and doing the reflection, I find myself opening up more and more and discovering more about myself. I start to appreciate what God has given me and what God has made me learn and experience. I start to believe more.

 

Last Friday was the last session of the year. Since it is Advent, the session consisting of each and every one of us lighting a candle, kneeling at the altar and surrendering all our fears to God. After that, the rest will pray over the one that was kneeling. By the way, they do pray in tongues, which I find better than normal prayers because you really go into the heart and soul of prayer even if you do not understand anything that came out of your mouth, as compared to praying the normal way.

 

When it was my turn to "surrender", I knelt, lighted my candle, and told God that I surrender all my fears - fears of being lonely, being alone for the rest of my life, of not having my own family, of the unknown, of the future, of being judged and misunderstood, and of conforming to other's expectations of me.

 

The rest then started praying over me. Each of them would say their vision of me while they prayed, and I would have to write down what they said. One of them said she saw me as being curious, always having an inquisitive mind. Another one said she saw me as being compassionate and noble, always putting others before myself and never wanting anyone to get into trouble. Another one said she saw me getting married in church. Another one said she saw me as Snow White, with the seven dwarves in a locked room in a castle, and we were all dancing happily.

 

Wow... can people actually see all these while praying? I know I cannot, as I have never seen any vision of myself, let alone anyone else. Or maybe I have not been praying hard enough or praying the right way.

 

In any case, I am really grateful to all these women who have journeyed with me and helped me along the way. I should be joining them again next year if possible!

Brazil No More ...

I received an email from the organising committee of the World Youth Day and was told that due to overwhelming response, they are no longer accepting anymore applications, and all applications ended end of November instead of mid-December.

 

What a bummer! Oh well.. but at least that solves my dilemma of whether to go or not to go. In fact, ever since I sent in my application, something has been troubling me, so I guess this is probably God's way of telling me not to go, and perhaps He has something else planned for me?

 

In any case, I can always go and tour around South America as a trip in the future, and would probably get to see more things too! Hopefully I would be able to make it for the next World Youth Day, if I am still accpeted that is!

Registering For World Youth Day

I have done it! I sent in the registration form, together with a scanned copy of my passport and a cheque for the deposit amount to the organising committee of next year's World Youth Day. So there is no turning back now. If I get accepted, I will go, if not, then so be it!

I must say, I am rather excited about going to Brazil. This is the first time I will be venturing somewhere so far away, literally at the other end of the world! Even a plane ride would take more than a day at least. And it is a place that is so steeped in culture, latin songs, dance and beautiful people.

Of course, if one is going to the World Youth Day, it will be a religious trip, so we should not be thinking of travelling around or living luxuriously. Still, I cannot help being excited about the trip, as every trip is an exposure and an immersion experience to me.

Keeping my fingers crossed that I will be able to go!

Thinking Of A Pilgrimage ...

World Youth Day for next year will be held at Brazil, in the cities of Sao Paolo, Rio de Janeiro and Salvador da Bahia. I have already missed the one in Madrid last year, and I thought of experiencing just once before I get too old. Unfortunately, by the time I found out about World Youth Day in general, I was already close to the cut off age. Hence, if I do not go next year, I may never have a chance to go again.

I thought of going because this is probably the one time I can actually have a pilgrimage in some sort. I have gone for religious retreats, but never actually gone on something intensive like this. Which is why I thought it would be a good experience for me, where my religion is concerned.

However the price is quite a turn off. I guess because it is South America after all, so it is inevitably more expensive than other countries. Although the price is all inclusive (return air fare, all meals, accommodation and transport), I still think it is rather steep. We are not staying in luxurious places or dining in high class places after all, we will be staying in dormitories, basic accommodation and eating basic meals. Is there really a justification for the cost? And the price is already partially sponsored, otherwise it will be higher!

The other concern is the duration. It will be a three-week pilgrimage at least. I am not sure if I can even take that long off, considering I started my job not that long ago. I have calculated that I need at least fifteen days off, and that is assuming I work until the day of departure, and go back to work immediately after I return and not take anymore days off immediately before and after that.

On the other hand, it is Brazil. We will be going to Sugarloaf Mountain, Statue of Christ the Redeemer, and some other "holy grounds", including UNESCO Heritage sites. We may get to see the Pope up close and personal as he would be conducting the closing mass. And South America is a place I always wanted to go.

I have up to mid-December to make up my mind, after that there is no turning back! I think I shall take the next few days and decide.

Building Bridges ...

I went for the second CHOICE follow-up after the AWARE forum today. The reflection is on "Building Bridges". Essentially, we had to draw the bridges, and think about our past, present and future. The foundation stones are those that define us, who we are and the people around us. Then the bride defines where we are now, and then right at the end the bridge defines where we will be.



So while drawing the bridge, it kept me thinking of the people and events that have shaped me. Such is the wonder of CHOICE, it really helps in self-reflection and to face the past so we can move on to the future.



People who have shaped me are of course my parents, my mother especially, and my relatives whom I am close to. Then the bridge represents my present success - a good job, good friends, great guy to be with, and the little things in life that I have to be grateful for.



And the edge of the bridge represents my future - what I hope to be. I hope to get my current degree, go on for post-graduate studies, get a practising certificate, buy a car and a house, get married and have at least three children, travel around the world and experience as many things as possible.



An impossible feat? I guess nothing is impossible. I saw a T-shirt once with the slogan IMPOSSIBLE = I M POSSIBLE. How true! And that is how my bridges are going to be!

Enhancing Spirituality

After the inspiring mass yesterday, I have decided to improve my spiritual life. Just by attending CHOICE, teaching Cathechism and attending church is not enough. I need something to really believe in. I am not saying I do not believe in God, but at times, I always wonder why is it my prayers never come true?

I know people will say prayers take time and whatnot, but sometimes, we really cannot afford to wait. What if we need things right now so that our future can be secure? What if we need answers that will not clash with our own body's biology?

I guess patience is never really my virtue. Perhaps I should say I am task-oriented and focused, if I embark on something, I expect it to be done. I get very stressed up if I am left hanging, or if I do something else first before coming to finish what I originally started. I do not function this way. I can multi-task and whatnot, but I ensure I finish everything instead of starting on this, give it up halfway, then do something else, give it up halfway and then go back and do the original thing again. I get very stressed if I do that, and I cannot tolerate someone doing that as well because by doing this, others who are involved in some way or another are being held up.

So I have decided to embark on enhancing my spirituality. CHOICE is one thing, but now that I am a presenter, I only get to present a weekend once a year. It is not the same as experiencing all the weekends throughout.

Cathechism is one too, and I get to learn more about God this way, but again, it is only an hour a week. My faith does not really improve in just that hour. Attending mass and whatnot is the same - it is the same routine, the same homily. Somehow the spirituality is no longer there.

Which is why I have decided to go for a Conversion Experience Retreat. In fact, a friend told me about this early last year, but I thought there is no point in going to so many retreats. Then later on, another friend told me about this. And then this year, someone else mentioned about this. Well, if three different people tell me about the same thing, it should be a sign, right?

That was when I decided to go for it. It is too late to submit for any earlier retreats, hence I have decided to go for the one in June. Hopefully I will be able to go for it as apparently, the retreats are so popular that it is always fully booked within the first week of registration.

Then after reading the Catholic News yesterday, I have also decided to go for a healing retreat to get rid of whatever I am feeling, and whatever I have not been able to come to terms with. Maybe only with God's blessing and help, I can make myself better. By improving spirituality, I hope also to be a much better person in that way, which will ultimately improve my relationships with everyone around me.

That is not a bad thing right? I only hope I can make these retreats this year, because next year I will have other things to focus on already.

A Message From Above?

Today I went to the church where I got baptised and confirmed. I always love this church. It is situated on a hill with a Gothic look, double spires and the interior is big, spacious and filled with stained glass windows. Most importantly, it has a very long aisle, really a perfect looking church, the church of my dreams, which I never thought I could ever find it here! Of course, it is not Westminster Abbey or any of those grand old churches in the European countries, but it is good enough. It is the closest to a grand church we can have.

We came here for mass because we happened to be in the area, and since the timing was good, we just stepped inside. One good thing about Catholics is that we can go to any church, unlike some of the other Christians I know, who can only attend the church they belong to or are baptised in and not any others.

And it seems to be a good thing I went in. It seems that God is trying to tell me something. There have been some issues which I have been pondering over for a long while now. I have not been able to resolve them on my own. I used to bury them and then pretend that everything was alright, that everything was normal, but in the past few months, these issues have resurfaced. There was a nagging feeling inside to tell me to do something, but what?

I am not sure what coincidence it is that brought me to this church, but when I went in, and got a copy of the Catholic News, the answer was in front of my eyes. The strangest thing is that, I do not normally get the Catholic News because in my own church, it is always in some obscure corner which I do not normally pass by, or else it would have been out of stock by the time I get there.

But in this church, the Catholic News is right by the entrance, hence I took a copy. And the moment I opened the newspaper, the answer came right in front of me! Is that divine intervention or what?

Now I know what I need to do. Question is, is it my time to actually do it yet, or shall I wait a while longer? If that is the case, then why the answers right now at this time? Only time will tell if that is indeed the chosen path for me.

Yet Another Inspiring Weekend!

It was truly another inspiring weekend, except something happened earlier on which spoilt my entire mood. But these two things are separate, so I shall just mention the weekend first. The participants are generally a better bunch than the previous weekend I sat in. This group is more open, more willing to share and more committed. With the exception of one, all stayed throughout, and really participated openly and sincerely.

What got me really happy is that despite all my fears about sharing what I shared, no one judged me. No one criticised. In fact, I got a number of encouraging feedback, which made me feel warm all over. And some truly did get inspired by my sharing, which is the fundamental reason why I agreed to present in the first place - to help and inspire others and hopefully to make a difference in their lives.

Hence, I am more inspired by them than they by me. Because despite all the time and intensity of the weekend, they went away inspired, which made me inspire to want to do more to help others. And by others, I mean the community, the lives of others and the general public, and not just one person alone.

Which is why I intend to continue, despite what ultimatum a particular person gave me! If that person chose to throw tantrums and start being difficult, I will still stand my ground because I am doing this for God, for the bigger picture, and not for myself, and least of all, not for anyone else!

First CHOICE Weekend Of The Year

The first CHOICE Weekend of the year starts tonight. I am rather nervous. I always get nervous when speaking in public, because I never know if I sound right or got the message across. Besides, this time round, I will be sharing some of my deeper secrets which not many people actually know. I wonder how others will view me after that?

Actually for the past few years ever since something happened, I have been trying to forget my past. I finally built up my confidence, improved relations with the people around me, and generally have a better life than before. Do I really want to spoil it all by dwelling on the past?

But after attending CHOICE and being asked to present, I got so inspired by all the life stories of the other presenters. They shared so openly and honestly. It got me thinking that perhaps only be facing the past can I truly overcome my issues and live life anew.

And the sermon I heard on Christmas kind of became an affirmation - we are all sinners, which is why Jesus was born to cleanse us of our sins. Hence no sin is too big to be forgiven. That made me have the courage to face up to everything and to share with the new batch.

I hope no one got too turned off or started judging me too harshly! Well... I just have to wait until the end of the weekend to find out!

Final Workshopping And Mass

Tonight was the final workshopping and pre-weekend mass for the first CHOICE Weekend of the year. We cleaned up all our talks and decided on the sequencing. After that we had a mass for the whole team.

This is my first official presenting weekend, so I am really looking forward to it! I only hope the participants are nice and open people, instead of the shallow and close-minded ones I have seen in some of the weekends!

Third Workshopping

Tonight was the third workshopping session of the upcoming CHOICE weekend. I managed to finish all my talks and read to the facilitators. Save for some minor comments, my talks are just about ready to go.

Next week will be the final workshopping and pre-weekend mass. Now that the weekend is approaching, I am waiting in anticipation to how the weekend will be like. Will I inspire the participants, or will they think me a loser for things I have experienced?

This is probably the only weekend I will be presenting in a while, so I really hope I can make a difference, no matter how small, to the lives of others!

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Start Of A New Cathechism Class

Cathechism has started, and I went for class today. The first lesson was just to get to know the kids, administration stuff, introduction of ourselves and laying down the ground rules.

There are mire girls than boys this time round. Hopefully this will mean the class will be quieter and better behaved. The girls are quiet whereas the boys are the chatty and mischievous kinds, as always!

It will be the first official lesson next week. We have been told to prepare the topic "Letting God Into Our Lives". Interesting, but hard to bring across to the kids what is required.

I only hope this year will go better than last year and that there are fewer troublesome kids in the class for this year!

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