Lilypie

Thursday, June 30, 2005

War Of The Worlds

I was sick at home today and slept the whole day. I still went to watch "War of the Worlds" in the evening as I have already promised my friend a few days back and the tickets were booked under my name.

The movie really did justice to the book. It was the first H.G. Wells story I read, the second was "Invisible Man". Wonder if Hollywood would make another movie on that as well.

Tom Cruise is another ageless droolicious guy who still looks good. I really envy these stars - how in the world do they manage to maintain their looks and figures?

So far for all the movies I have watched this month, I will recommend "Star Wars Episode III", "Batman Begins" and "War of the Worlds." "Mr and Mrs Smith" is pretty subjective - I find it not too bad but there are others who may not like it. Overall, I am pretty satisfied with my movie trips so far. There are other good shows coming up, so I look forward to the rest!

Sick - Any Reason?

I must learn to keep my big mouth shut. Just when I was remarking that I do not fall ill when my friends are sick, here I am, down with a viral infection today. The symptoms are similar to my friend Sonic's (incidentally he is better now, praise the Lord!) - painful throat, blocked ears, blocked nose. As a result, hard to breathe, hard to swallow, head throbs with queasiness and eyes tearing. Perhaps it is my retribution for talking so much. Or could it be due to all the singing? Or the entire packet of Kit-Kats I finished yesterday? Maybe it is just love sickness. Or perhaps I am just worried sick about someone else, wondering if he is better and more comfortable.

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Who Pushes Your Buttons? (A Powerful and Motivating Speech)

Below is an email I received. It was originally by Raphael Cushnir, one of US leading motivational speakers on emotional intelligence, and author of lots of inspirational books. I find the entire article so meaningful thus I am reproducing it here and sharing it with everyone. This is probably my longest blog post ever, but I hope all of you can feel more inspired after reading it, just like I did. I feel like a better person already.

How To Be Compassionate Instead Of Critical The Next Time Someone Gets On Your Nerves (By Raphael Cushnir)

"People bug me. All kinds of people. Like the guy who takes up two parking spaces for his SUV. Or the kids who toss beer cans along my favourite hiking trail.

I actually feel hateful toward these people. When I think about them, my stomach clenches and my eyes narrow and I feel an ugly surge of, well, hate. It doesn't last long and I don't identify with it, yet still, for that one moment when I'm awash in hate's fury, I just want to wring their necks.

Why does this matter? Because I'm a 'spiritual teacher.' After a successful career as a Hollywood screenwriter and filmmaker, my life fell apart, my heart broke wide open, and now I write books on love and happiness and travel around the country giving talks on how to achieve them. Does that make me a hypocrite? I'll let you decide. But one thing is certain – it makes me a human being.

Human beings love to hate. Even more, they love to judge. While hate is a feeling, judgment is its rationale. We allow ourselves the perverse pleasure of our hatred when we decide that those who elicit it are evil, or some kind of threat, or that they've wronged us. Even when we're not actually in the direct experience of hate, we still thrive on enumerating all the reasons that these people are different from us, less than us.

Of course I've exaggerated. Often, rather than full-blown hatred, it's just annoyance or irritation that accompanies out judgments. That's certainly the case with my personal examples above. But such low-grade judgments can actually be even more toxic than the hate-fueled variety. This is because they're able to proliferate beneath our radar. Not only can we be unaware that they exist, but we may even deny them outright. Sometimes, those of us who pride ourselves on personal growth, who think we're beyond judgment, turn out to be the most judgmental of all.

The Bible admonishes, 'Judge not lest ye be judged.' But in my experience, it's impossible not to judge. We all do it, all the time. And it hurts us far more than those we judge. It isolates us, makes us small, and bars us from our spiritual essence.

None of this, however, is a problem. In fact, it's a wonderful opportunity. Recognising our judgments, and working with them skillfully, is how we cultivate compassion. And cultivating compassion is the key to well-being.

An Open and Shut Case

Think of someone you love. Choose a person whose very name brings about an automatic inner smile. Next, invite all the emotions and sensations associated with this person to fill you up completely. Then turn your attention to your body and notice that you feel. Chances are you feel open, flowing, a little more connected to yourself and the world around you. This state of being, which we'll refer to as Expansion, is what allows us to be fully present in any moment or situation. It's also the pathway to our greatest wisdom and creativity.

Now think of someone truly reprehensible. Whether part of your own life or a public figure, make sure this is a person whom you judge harshly. Next, invite all that judgment to fill you up completely. Then turn your attention to your body and notice what you feel. Chances are you feel scrunched up, shut down, a little less connected to yourself and the world around you. This state of being, which we'll refer to as Contraction, is what limits our presence in any moment or situation. In a contracted state, we're unable to gain access to the breadth and depth of our perspective, or to cultivate peace of mind.

Most of the time, we exist somewhere between the opposing poles of expansion and contraction. But taken together, these two simple exercises point toward an important principle : judgment makes us feel bad. And when we feel bad, it's much harder to be our best.

Caveman Logic

Even if this principle were well understood, it wouldn't be enough to make us surrender out most closely held judgments. That's because there's an instinctive part of our brains that functions in a strictly binary fashion. All it knows is yes/no, good/bad, us/them. Psychologists refer to this aspect of thought as 'primitive splitting.' When we're expanded, such primitive splitting easily gives way to a more nuanced outlook. But when we're contracted, primitive splitting takes hold of us like a hypnotic trance.

The first key in breaking this trance is awareness. Once we realize the impact of primitive splitting, it becomes natural to regard virtually every judgment with suspicion.

I experienced this firsthand in my early thirties. It was at Thanksgiving dinner, where I became furious with both my parents. In my mind they weren't just bad; they were all bad. This was nothing new, but with a recent understanding of primitive splitting, I was no longer willing to indulge myself. It just didn't feel right anymore to stay up late nibbling leftovers, dissecting my parents' shortcomings with equally disdainful siblings.

But I couldn't let go of my judgments just by force of will. For that, I needed the help of my fiancée. Both of us had spent time in the film industry, so I put it to her this way : 'When I watch characters in a movie, no matter how despicable their actions, I can always see them as whole. I can appreciate the personal histories that led them to their transgressions. But I just can't seem to do that with Mum and Dad. So help me; describe them for me as if they were totally fictional.'

This approach worked like magic. The trance broke. By imagining them cinematically, I was able to view my parents with sudden expansion. They still had flaws, of course, just like me and everyone else. But no longer were they mind-made monsters.

There Is No Them

Once we're aware of primitive splitting, it's easier to look more closely at two related fallacies of the judgmental mind. The first is our tendency to group people we disagree with into an opposing camp. This creates the 'them' in us vs. them. It may include those of a different religion, political view, gender, sexual preference, aesthetic, subculture, personality type, class, ethnicity, culture, location, lifestyle, or even just a single opinion or trait that veers from ours.

The main result, when we group people in this way, is that we feel better than them. It may be a temporary salve, but underneath this illusion of superiority is a sense of separation. Separation always leads to contraction, which is at the heart of why judgment feels so bad. (Plus, even if we actually were 'better' than those we judge on some ultimate moral scale, the very act of our judging, ironically, would serve to erase that distinction once and for all.)

One example of how this works is when someone cuts us off in traffic. Usually, even if we don't like to admit it, our initial fit of pique leads to an automatic mental tirade such as Those damn [fill in ethnic group]! Or fat people. Or rich people. Or tourists. After such an outburst, whether shouted silently or at full volume, there may be a momentary satisfaction. The results of such condemnation, however, far outweigh any benefit.

Another example can be found in an exercise that I routinely include at workshops. This exercise comes after a couple of days of bonding and mutual support that brings everyone very close together. At this point, I ask participants to look around the room and imagine that every person they see holds a viewpoint on abortion that's vehemently opposed to their own. Then I ask them to notice if just this imaginary division of opinion creates a sense of superiority, separation, and contraction, Uniformly, the answer is yes.

But this exercise, helpful as it is, carries within it the second related fallacy of the judgmental mind. Whenever we lump people into a 'them' of any variety, there's an assumption that all those in the group are basically the same. We may call them Palestinians or Israelis, tree huggers or loggers, atheists or fundamentalists. Though it's necessary to use such labels to communicate, at the same time, they're always false. Only from a distance do any two individuals seem alike. While they may share certain key characteristics, there are also millions of distinctions – inherited, learned, chosen – that make them absolutely unique.

Therefore, at best, labeling any type of 'them' is a dangerous convenience. In addition to perpetuating contraction, it dulls our wisdom and distorts our interactions. This is true at every level of society, from governments to organizations to families to the secret corners of our minds.

There Is No Us

At this point, you may be thinking that the readers of Spirituality & Health probably need to hear this message far less than most people. You may conclude, as the saying goes, that I'm preaching to the choir. But as someone who travels extensively to churches all across the country, I can tell you with certainty that there is no choir.

By that I mean the following : just as it's a fallacy to think of any opposing group as a uniform 'them', it's also a fallacy to think of any of our own communities as a unified 'us'. This idea can be hard to swallow, because we want so badly for there to be an 'us'. In the core of our being we need to belong. We gain strength in numbers, even when those numbers add up to a small minority. It feels so reaffirming to hear a sermon or stump speech from someone who powerfully puts forth our view, the right view.

And yet, every alliance is temporary. Every coalition is provisional. Every group, no matter how seemingly stable, is in constant flux. It's no surprising that the most successful and dynamic churches I visit are also the ones most in turmoil. Powerful groups comprise powerful personalities, and sooner or later cohesion will give way to discord. Sub-groups and splinter groups are always just around the bend. That's why there are Blue Dog Democrats and Log Cabin Republicans, Reform Jews and Liberation Theologists. That's why your die-hard group of college friends may not be so tight anymore, and why a reading group that bonds over the shared love of one book may break apart in dissension over another.

Once we're able to embrace that there is no fixed 'us', it's no longer as necessary to identify with our judgments, to base our sense of self on who and what we include, exclude, champion, or deride. And that's when the real work can begin, when we're finally ready to use our judgments as tools for growth and healing."

Birds Of Ill Omen, Or Just Virus In The Air?

There must be some birds of ill omen flying around. So many of my friends are getting sick during this period of time. I had to be different – I can be healthy when everyone else is down, but become really really sick when everyone else is healthy. Not that I like it either – I will rather be healthy and enjoy life than get sick and feel uncomfortable all over. Maybe I am the jinx.

I just heard that a certain someone is sick too. I am pretty worried wondering what happened. How I wish I know his exact address then I can go over and nurse him back to health. I can boil some soup, make sure he takes his medicine, and ensure he is not too uncomfortable. Goodness, my notions are getting crazier and crazier by day. Well, that will be doing too much, won't it, considering our current status. I can only pray that he (and all the rest of my suffering friends) will get well soon and be on their feet again.

When Money's Been Sent Out ....

Positive : You sent out a bank draft yesterday so that the item you ordered can finally make its way here.

Negative : You received an email after you sent out the draft stating other modes of payment.

Double Negative : The other modes of payment include a Western Union Funds Transfer which can be done at any post office and the money will be remitted instantly.

The things I do for love …

And I am not sure if he will even appreciate my efforts.

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Pining For Someone...

I finally got to see him online tonight, yet his status is set to "Busy". Is it some more of a test? Or is it our paths just do not seem to cross? Or is it because he does not want to talk to me? How do I tell him I miss him so much when he is not online? How do I tell him how I feel in the first place? I have just become a confirmed love sicko. *Sigh*

Who Is The Mystery Guy? (Test of Love - Part II)

I just realised today is the 28th of June. Which means it has been exactly one month from the day I started my blog. I am very glad with my blogging achievements so far, and it is all thanks to the support I have from my friends and readers.

I have been asked a lot of questions. As far as I can, I try to answer all queries in my entries. But there are some questions which I like to maintain an air of mystery. One of those is what I really look like. If you have the chance to meet up with me, you can see for yourself, but I will not upload my picture for all to see. I feel that will spoil things. The hot question nowadays is who is this mysterious guy I am putting all my love, affections, time and money into? Actually I believe I have scattered lots of hints around. I do not want to infer outright for fear he may read and panic if it is too obvious. On the other hand, if he cannot tell I am referring to him, then I am pretty happy that my hints are too subtle, even for someone as smart as himself. So you have to wait for the identity of this mystery guy, that is if something clicked between us. If not, then too bad, his identity will forever remain a mystery to all.

I just spent my entire lunch hour at the bank. I went to the express lane first, only to find out that Cashier's Checks can only be issued in Singapore dollars. If I want a foreign currency, I need to apply for a demand draft. And it cannot be done at the express lane but the main line, which was so long that the last person in the queue had to stand outside the doorway! I filled in the form and went to queue. By the time it was my turn, I found out that the money could not be remitted directly to the company. The bank can only issue a draft and I still have to post it to the company myself! I should have gone to the post office for a money order after all. At least I got the draft, and since I was running out of time, I had to quickly grab and wolf down a sandwich. I did not have time to make the post office after all, so I can only go after work today, before going down to my opera practice.

If this is really a test, then I believe I would have passed with flying colours. Most people would not even bother to do so much for another person, especially for someone whom they are not even sure of how he feels. I think I am getting more and more "fan jian", going to such an extent to do something for a guy who may just reject me upfront. My mum will be horrified if she ever knows. In her opinion, she always thinks it is better to let a guy do the chasing as she is afraid I will lose out. But then again, there have been 3 guys who chased me before, and I still lose out in the end. So I guess maybe it does not make a difference who does the pursuing. The main thing is that he is worth it, at least to me.

A Test of Love??

Bad news! I just received an email from this overseas shipping company that the particular item I ordered for a particular someone's birthday gift could not be shipped here. The nearest Asian country that it can be shipped to is Hong Kong. Thus I spent a while surfing the net looking for other websites that will ship this item here. After sieving through, I only found 2 websites but both stated that the item could not be shipped here. It is now not a matter of how much I am willing to pay, as I am fighting a battle against the bureaucracy of the companies involved.

In the end, I finally settled for a similar item but of a different design from another overseas company that is able to ship here. However, I was not able to pay by card as international orders had to incur extra charges if paid by card. The company only accepts Money Orders or Casher's Checks for international orders. So I am going down to the bank during lunch later to get the cashier's order so that I can send it over to the company and they can proceed to ship the item over. Hope I make it on time for his birthday. I really hope he will like it although it is different from the one he is eyeing.

I wonder if all these little hiccups are a test? Then I wonder if I pass the test? Come to think of it, am I very degrading, or what the Chinese will term "fan jian", doing so much for someone whom I may not even end up with?

I've Seen The Sexiest Batman Ever!!

Christian "Sexiest-Batman-of-all-times" Bale is really, absolutely, amazingly droolicious in his Batsuit! My favourite part was when he spread out his batwings and flew down onto the ground, terrorizing all of Gotham City's criminals and corrupt officials. That was so coooool!!!

I will highly recommend "Batman Begins" for those who have not watched it. It is by far the best Batman instalment and the best-looking Batman ever.

Monday, June 27, 2005

A Chance Against The Odds ...

Few years ago when I was in between relationships, my ex-colleague from my teaching days (whom I view as some sort of godmother) tried to match make me with her son, who was already in his late twenties and never had a girlfriend. She as much as said she would not mind me as her daughter-in-law as she thinks I am polite and respectful to my elders, intelligent, accommodating and would not mind staying with the in-laws. I honestly do not think I deserve that much praise. If I am really that good, why would I suffer one heartbreak after another? Although my most recent ex-boyfriend also remarked that the current target of my affections is one lucky guy indeed as he knows too well how much I can love someone and the extremes I will go for the one I love. But it does not matter how much I love a person, isn't it? What matters is whether he feels the same way about me.

I once told this certain somebody that he is a good catch. So why is he still unattached? Is it because he is too choosy? I asked him what type of girl he prefers. He claimed he had no preference on what type of girl he likes. Girls are choosy indeed if they can even overlook someone as great as him. Right now I want to be with him myself. I wonder if I even stand a chance against all the so many female friends he has? What are the odds I can even become that special someone in his life?

Beauty Is Not Just Skin Deep

My colleague just showed me an article in one of the female magazines about how matchmaking agencies are investing grooming and etiquette classes on their clients. I could not help bursting out in laughter after reading that. In the first place, must people resort to going to matchmaking agencies just to be hooked up? In the second place, if matchmaking agencies have to send clients for beauty courses just to allow them to find a mate, one wonders if the ladies got hooked up on their (new) looks alone instead of their inner worth.

Those agencies interviewed remarked that in the past, those clients that were considered "gone case" had to be given up. But now they are collaborating with grooming trainers to give these clients a chance. One such client is a lady in her mid-twenties. She joined the agency three years back but never had a date. (Gosh, if she joined a matchmaking agency at her age, then won't someone like me be left on the shelf already?) There was once she went for a gathering organized by the agency and tried talking to a guy, but was rejected as he said she was too ugly. Well if a guy ever say that to me, I will remark that he is not particularly Greek God material in the first place! If he thinks he is so good-looking, why would he need to go to a matchmaking agency to find a date?!

Anyway the particular lady was one of those chosen by the agency to go for grooming and etiquette workshops. She started putting on makeup, changed her hairstyle and dressed up more fashionably. I suppose it really works wonders as within a month, she landed a date! And the guy has been her boyfriend for the past year or so now. She showed him old photos of herself and he could not believe she had changed so much. But he assured her he will still love her even if she looked like what she did. So sweet of him. :-) She got her revenge on the previous guy too. He met her once at a party and actually went up to her first. She rejected him outright by saying the same thing he once said to her. Serves him right!

Do looks really matter to a guy? I have been dumped twice before for girls who were considered more gorgeous. Isn't beauty in the eye of the beholder? Beauty is actually more than skin deep. If a guy can go beyond a girl's looks, he will realize that she is probably a much more interesting and better person than someone who may only have a pretty face. Ultimately, I feel that if a lady is to go for grooming and etiquette workshops, the main objective is for her own personal development and improvement, not because she wants to land a date.

What is the use of a pretty face? Looks will go sooner or later, be it males or females. Can you still love a person if he / she is no longer good-looking? Can you still stay together if both of you are old and gray and wrinkled? Love goes beyond physical attributes. It is being committed and being with each other through thick and thin.

Should You Change For The One You Love?

A few months back, I read an article in one of the female magazines I used to subscribe to. There was an article on whether women should change for the men they love. The article was about this guy who got himself a Thai girlfriend. He is a high-flying yuppie with plenty of dough at his disposal. He broke up with lots of Singapore girls as he said they are too outspoken and not willing to submit to guys. Anyway, he made his Thai girlfriend go for plastic surgery to look better, sent her for English lessons to communicate better, and boob jobs to look more voluptuous. One wonders how the girl feels about all these. Is she really happy or is she holding on just because he gives her money to support her family? Even during the interview when the reporters wanted to ask her some questions, he brushed them aside, saying that his opinions are her opinions, so they only needed to ask him, no need to bother her. If her opinions are really his opinions, then what is there to hide? By not allowing anyone to interview her, it seems like he was worried she would say something detrimental to him. Sounds like a typical shallow chauvinistic pig.

If you love someone, you should accept the person for what he / she is. You should not expect him / her to change for you. Change is voluntary, not imposed on. If I love a person deep enough, I will willingly change for the person, not the other way round. Like right now, if my target of affection needs a housekeeper, I will willingly go and keep house for him. I have no qualms cooking and cleaning for him without him asking. I never liked to clean up after my ex-boyfriends as they imposed the chores on me. Like I have mentioned before, true love can make someone change totally. But if change is imposed on, then it is not true love.

Right now, I am taking up his type of activities just to be more involved. I have always been interested in the things he has been doing, thus I always think we have common interests. But I became more involved only after I know how I feel for him. I even had his birthday gift (one of those things he had been eyeing) shipped all the way from overseas as I asked around and went all over the island but could not find the exact replica. I wonder if I am really doing too much. This is absolutely the first time I am doing so much for someone before I am even in a relationship with him. Come to think of it, I may not even end up with him in the first place. *Sigh* Love really makes people do crazy things.

Sunday, June 26, 2005

Can't Parents Discipline Their Kids?

I was on a long train journey back home today from one end of the island to the other end. Normally when I am travelling, be it bus or train, I would always have a book handy. Unfortunately I have been trained to speed read so I have already finished 3/4 of the book on my journey to the church. As a result, on my journey back, I only had 1/4 left to devour. Thus I fiinished the entire book before I even reached Tanjong Pagar. Anyway I would highly recommend all of you to read Dan Brown's "Angels and Demons". It is just as intense as "Da Vinci Code". Dan Brown is really such a coooooooool writer!

Since I finished the book and had nothing else to do the rest of the journey, I decided to take a little nap to make up for waking up so early. I was closing my eyes and relaxing and thinking of a certain someone, when the train stopped at City Hall and kids and parents started streaming in. The entire carriage became so much livelier. I am used to all the noise during my years as a primary school teacher so it did not really bother me. But when the kids started running around the carriage and screaming loudly and tripping over my feet especially when I was napping, I got downright irritated. Yet the parents just sat there and smiled at the kids without stopping them. I know kids nowadays have more liberty, but I feel parents should still guide them on proper behaviour in public. Otherwise the children will grow up thinking it is right to irritate the hell out of other passengers in a crowded train with all their antics.

And trains are not the only places. Even in buses, kids can run amok and the parents will just sit there and not do anything. Worse scenario is the cinema. I experienced children playing hide-and-seek with their parents by constantly opening and closing the exit door. People are trying to watch a show properly, it is so inconsiderate to do that. And there are also cases where there was a child behind me in the cinema kicking my seat and asking his parents what was going on in the movie every few minutes. The kid even had the audacity to pull my hair! I really wonder why parents nowadays condone these behaviour from their children? Even at the chalet gathering last weekend, my friend was busy barbecuing and there were kids blowing bubbles into our barbecue pit! There was even a father playing hide-and-seek with his child and ran into our chalet!

I suffered a lot of these parent-child problems when I was teaching. Apparently nowadays children are not to be punished, or scolded or put down, no matter what wrong they have done, as in their parents' eyes, they will never be wrong. I received lots of compl... erh, feedback from parents of my former students on the way I disciplined. These usually got me pretty steamed up because as far as I was concerned, I did not do anything wrong. I did not hit the kid or touch the kid in any way, all I did was to give a stern warning on being punctual in handing in work in future. As a result, the kid went home and said I scolded him for not handing in work, and the parents came and said I gave too much work in the first place. *nonplussed* Seriously, was 3 Mathematics worksheets of 1 page each really too much?! And I was taking the best class, not the slower classes.

I really wonder what the newer generation will grow up to become. Actually I cannot really blame the children as most problems stemmed from the parents. If parents do not make the effort to bring up their children in the proper way, they will only be harming the future of their children. It is no use drumming so much into academic excellence when the character and moral education aspects are neglected. I always feel that being a good person who cares for others is better than being a top student from a top school who only wants to win without any consideration for others. I hope I can inculcate the right values into my children next time if I ever settle down.

A Good Nap At Last!

I had the best nap today in ages! I have not had an afternoon nap for such a long time. I went to my friend's church early this morning as promised and went home to sleep after that. I reached home at about 2:00pm and slept all the way until about 5:00pm. Now that I am so wide awake, I will have a problem falling asleep tonight and tomorrow is work day again. :-s

Saturday, June 25, 2005

Why Can't We Have 4 Seasons?!

Has any of you feel that the weather here is unbearably hot nowadays? So hot that my head is throbbing all the time. Besides the fact that I feel so light-headed lately due to all the yearning of love, I feel so uncomfortable, sticky and moody. The weather's been making a lot of my friends sick at the same time too.

I have no qualms about being born and bred here, except for the weather. I used to ask my parents to migrate to England or America, where I can experience the four seasons. Beautiful and peaceful Springtime, hot, beach-going Summertime, desolute and gloomy Autumn (Fall), and cold, snowy Winter. I used to imagine (actually right now I still do imagine) that I would be staying in a suburban cottage near some woods, and I would pluck fresh fruit and flowers in the Spring, go beach-tanning in Summer, pack up leaves in Autumn and build snowmen and go skiing and sledding in Winter. Needless to say, my favourite season has always been Winter. I think of snowball fights and winter sports, things I have never been able to experience in my life, and always like to. I always dream of a honeymoon around Europe or America or New Zealand in Winter. I can see the sights and experience all the snow at the same time.

Experiencing the seasons was what prompted me to yearn for an overseas education when I was younger. I thought of getting a scholarship and go to either America or England to study. In fact, I did well enough for my SATs to be accepted into the Masters in Liberal Arts program at Harvard University. Otherwise I thought I could go to Oxford and study Law or English. Alas! I sabotaged myself with my own emotions.

Meanwhile, I am going to crank up the airconditioner and experience the cold air gushing around me. Ahhhh, that will be really blissful.

Filming by Kids Central

I went for the first rehearsal of the Sacred Music Festival today. Apparently, we members of the Adult Chorus are giving supporting voices to the Children's Chorus. The songs are really nice and soothing. I really should be more involved in church singing. There was also filming for our practice. There was a producer and cameraman from Kids Central that came down to film us practicing. After the filming, we went to the auditorium where we had to combine with the Chamber Orchestra for the practice for the overall performance.

I went for my first RCIA bible studies last night. After 10 years of convent education where cathecism was incorporated into our syllabus, what I learnt yesterday was really enriching beyond what I have been exposed to. I never knew there was so many interpretations and aspects one can learn from the bible. This got me even more determined to get baptised and serve more in church.

I still miss him. Why is it so deep this time? I have never felt this serious about someone before. I have been praying to see if my decision where to place my affections is the right one this time. Seems like there are several signs :

1. I miss him when he is not around.
2. His image comes into my mind during prayer when I was asking for God's guidance.
3. He is the last person I think of before I go to bed.
4. I feel uplifted, as if God approves of my decision.
5. Of all the guys I know, some whom have been my friends for almost 20 years, I chose to fall for him when I have only known him for months. Seems like it is fate.

That's it! I'm going all out to win my love. I want to be truly happy and fulfilled for once and for the rest of my life.

Friday, June 24, 2005

How To Get Rid Of This Yearning In My Heart?

I have come to the conclusion that I need to take up more activities. Despite all the many things I occupy myself with (work, singing, movie-watching, online chatting, reading, writing, blogging, bible studies, playing music, organising outings and gatherings), I still find my mind wandering and I start to think of things that make me depressed and confused. I cannot even sleep well lately. I lie in bed wondering what he is doing, and just having a slight hope that he would be thinking of the same thing. Seems like it is a sign that I still have plenty of spare time.

Why do I have to torture myself this way? I wish I can just go on in life without caring if he is thinking of me, or what he is doing. I used to be at that stage. Now I cannot go on without his image in my mind, without conjuring thoughts of him. Why do I always let my emotions dictate what I do? I have been practical before – adopting a "look-see" approach to determine if he is the right person for me. So why can't I be just as practical now? I really wish I can just let go of all my feelings and go for some others who have indicated interest in me. Afterall, isn't it better to be loved more than you love?

This week seemed to have dragged on for so long. The previous weeks seemed to have gone by faster, probably because I could talk to him online. Besides, there was nothing between us then as I started to seriously like him only around middle of last week. Now just when I am sure of how I feel he had to be busy for some time and could not be online. Seeing him mostly offline this week made the days seemed like eternity. I miss him so much when he is not around. It is not as if I have not felt like this before. I have been in love several times. So why is it so much more intense this time? Is it because I have finally found my true love? Or is it because I am still unsure of how he really feels about me?

I have sought the opinion of some of our mutual friends. All agreed that I have made the right choice – they have very positive reviews of him. I myself believe that I have finally made the right choice. I am not giving this up so easily because I believe it is worth it to give my best shot. At least if I tried and failed, however heart-broken I will be, there will at least be no regrets. It is up to him whether he wants to take this chance. Come to think of it, I wonder if he even knows or suspects I am referring to him, after so many entries?

My 1st (Pathetic) Attempt at Song Writing ... After 12 Years

Dig my latest creation. I have not written a song ever since secondary school. What do you think?

I used to think that
Love was blind
Over-rated
Vastly used
Evidence of one's longing desire.
Reach out to me
In all eternity
Clear the sky
Keep the faith
Youthful desire, never fade.

Perhaps it would be better if I tried to compose the tune to go along with it…

Absence Makes The Heart Fonder

Absence really does make the heart fonder. I thought I could control how I feel especially since this period of time when he is so busy. I thought that as long as I do not get to see him online or talk to him, I could try to put my emotions under control. I have learnt a lesson – the more one tries to avoid, the harder it is to suppress.

Why do I feel a sense of loss? He has not been online for a few days except that brief time. Why does it feel like it is an eternity for me? Gosh, what have I done to myself? Maybe I am feeling this way because this is the first time I actually like someone without him liking me first. Which got me wondering do guys feel this way when they are trying to pursue a girl without knowing if it is going to be successful?

I have been attached for the past 10 years, with 3 different guys. I have been so unlucky when it comes to the affairs of the heart. My cousin just turned 30 today, and she just reminded me kindly (or maliciously?) that I am not that far off. Now that my biological clock is seriously fast ticking away, I really want to find someone worthy of all my affections whom I can finally settle down with.

Bon Voyage, Godbrother!

I finally met up with my godbrother last night. I cannot believe we have known each other for 15 years! What a pity he is leaving again, back to the US. He secured a job as an investment banker in New York, so he will be gone for 2 years, and may not come back after that. Apparently, he majored in Finance too besides Engineering. He is the type of guy people love to hate, those really super-achieving types who is good in everything he does.

Throughout secondary and junior college, he had been actively involved in those green nature societies to preserve the Earth, all these while writing songs, poems, being head of an a capella group, President of the Student's Council, and studying for a NAFA Diploma in Chinese Music, while still able to be a straight-A student at the same time. Even when he was studying in one of the Ivy League colleges, he set up a Chinese a capella group as well as his own business to generate income for himself.

I seriously wonder how in the world people can achieve so many things. He reminds me of my friend Sonic - blogger, writer, dancer, Scrabble champion, board-game champion, singer, etc, another super high-achieving type who can juggle so many things at one time and being good in everything he does. I really wish I can be just a fraction as good.

Bon Voyage brother! Hope you will be successful and may you settle down soon! Do not forget about me!

Thursday, June 23, 2005

Men and Sex : A Co-relation?

What is it about men and sex? Just because a woman is willing to be friendly and talk to a guy he naturally assumes she wants to have sex with him?! How shallow can people be? Just because a couple is in a relationship does it give the guy the right to always force himself on her or demand sex all the time? That is so wrong. If the guy cannot even respect his girlfriend, then I do not think he really loves her like he claims.

An acquaintance of mine just added me into his Friendster and instant messaging program. The first question he asked was whether I met up with many guys I see online. So I said so far I only got to know 5 guys online, and 2 of them have become my good friends. Which got him asking the next question : Do I like to have flings with the guys I meet online? Hello!!! Do I really give people the impression I am such a shallow horny b****?!

This is really unbelievable. Here I am, just managed to change my opinion of guys in general due to recent events, but I seem to be crushed by actions again. Well, perhaps I should not be so unfair. My male friends are really pretty decent people. I just cannot believe there are still guys my age or older who behaves like a shallow teenager with raging hormones and like to have flings. Isn't he afraid of getting AIDS or other STDs?

I never believe in pre-marital sex. Call me old-fashioned or traditional or what you will, but I always believe the sacred act is only for the marriage bed. Even if it is not what my religion preaches, it is how I had been brought up. Thus the guy I end up marrying must share my ideals. Which means it is still best I go for someone of the same religion so he definitely can share my ideals. Which got me wondering, if a particular someone had read my last few posts, does he suspect anything yet?

Wish Upon A Rainbow ...

Nowadays all I think of are beautiful song lyrics. For instance, I can be working halfway and Robbie Williams' "Better Man" would enter my mind. Otherwise it would be Westlife's "Flying Without Wings". Next would be "Think Of Me". The song that is uppermost on my mind right now is Neil Young's "Only Love Can Break Your Heart". How true that statement is! I am getting to be such a drip.

Saturday morning after the first night at the chalet, my friend and I were strolling along the beach front. There was a beautiful rainbow in the sky. Besides the myth that there would be a leprechaun at the end of the rainbow, my friend told me to make a wish upon the rainbow as it might come true. So I wished for a sign to see where my life and future would be going. Perhaps I can see a shooting star next and wish upon a star. Come to think of it, I have never come across any meteors or shooting stars before. I would so love to see the sight one day.

On My Own - Redux

When I was having my voice lessons last night, my vocal coach asked me to sing "On My Own" from Les Miserables. What a tremendous coincidence. I was in the exact same mood yesterday and at that moment I was asked to sing the song. But I was rather gleeful as I thought singing it could get rid of the mood I was in. I was so relieved when she said it was the best piece I ever sang, although the song could be a little low for me on certain parts. I guess probably I put in all my emotions when I sang the song, that was why it fared a little better than others. If only I can do Phantom of the Opera's "Think Of Me" just as well.

I finally saw him online last night, but we only chatted for a while as he was busy. Although disappointed, it was better than nothing. I guess I should not get my hopes too high for now. His birthday is coming, and I have already bought his gift. I believe he will like it as I have seen him looking at it. Problem is how am I going to give it to him without being too conspicuous? Shall I go to his office building and pass to him? Or shall I ask him out and give him? What excuse shall I come up with anyway? Looks like I am really in big danger of letting my emotions control me again.

Life's Little Achievements (From My Point of View)

I have finally achieved a breakthrough. My artistic director asked me to sing for the Sacred Music Festival in July during the "Street Scene" practice on Tuesday. We are going to have a rehearsal this Saturday together with the Children's Chorus and there will be producers from Kids Central coming to film us! They actually wanted to film our practice, but before that, they would be filming and interviewing individuals. At last! A chance to be on TV!

Joining the Lyric Opera is the best decision I ever made in my life. I get to sing, perform, have fun, interact and meet all the nice and interesting people. My life has finally diversified. I am having so much fun! I get to meet many fellow Catholics as well. Perhaps this is what God wanted of me.

Speaking of that, I have finally joined RCIA – the bible study course for those who like to be baptized. My chorus mate has agreed to be my sponsor, so I will be attending the course at a church near his place. I am looking forward to my baptism next Easter. Incidentally, he is the one I will be playing piano for in his church. Finally a chance to serve the church in a more involved way. Afterall, if you know how to do something, what best way to show than to serve God?

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

A (Mock) Tribute to Will Shakespeare??

I am no Will Shakespeare (in fact he will turn in his grave if he ever gets to see this), but since I have been brought up on his works, perhaps I can create something of my own to fill this void in me.

Resigned to fate, thou art
Imagery of things beautiful
Cometh, all shines forth
Keeping an oath for thee.
Young art thou, faith benign.

Very bad attempt I know. :-( Looks like I have to start re-reading all the plays and sonnets again.

On My Own

Why does my heart go aflutter? Why is there a loss of concentration and focus? Why do all these feelings, emotions I thought I had rid myself of, come surging, just like a teenager gushing about one's first love? I hate myself sometimes. Why can't I ever be rational whenever it comes to issues like this? I am in danger of falling too deeply again. The deeper I fall, the more my heart will break and I will be in another complete mess.

I wonder what he is doing right now. I wonder if he is thinking of me too. I do not think so actually. I sent him a message 2 days back but he did not reply me. I wonder if, just a minuscule hope, that he ever thinks we can be more than friends. I look forward to bumping into him online everyday. Just seeing the typed words appear on screen will make me feel he is directly next to me, talking to me. I miss him when he is not around. Oh gosh, what have I gotten myself into?

The lyrics of a particular song keep running through my head. Have any of you watched "Les Miserables"? I watched it in 1994 when it was performed at the Kallang Theatre. So beautiful and sweet. "Les Miserables" is perfect in its own right, although I will prefer "Phantom of the Opera" any day. Anyway the solo by Eponine is so beautiful. It really reflects the mood I am in right now.

On My Own (Eponine – Les Miserables)

On my own
Pretending he's beside me
All alone
I walk with him till morning
Without him
I feel his arms around me
And when I lose my way I close my eyes
And he has found me

In the rain
The pavement shines like silver
All the lights
Are misty in the river
In the darkness
The trees are full of starlight
And all I see is him and me
For ever and forever

And I know it's only in my mind
That I'm talking to myself and not to him
And although I know that he is blind
Still I say
There's a way for us

I love him
But when the night is over
He is gone
The river's just a river
Without him
The world around me changes
The trees are bare and everywhere
The streets are full of strangers

I love him
But everyday I'm learning
All my life
I've only been pretending
Without me
His world will go on turning
A world that's full of happiness
That I have never known

I love him
I love him
I love him
But only on my own

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Through the Looking Glass (Reflections)

I have finally taken medical leave, a few weeks overdue. No, this is not due to any heartache whatsoever. I have acute gastric problem and today is the day it chose to act up. Must have been due to the dinner I skipped last night.

Staying home today made me have the time to re-examine the events of late. That's the problem when I have too much spare time. I start to think about things. Thus I always try to keep myself occupied.

Apparently it's been almost a month since I started blogging. And I am very happy with the progress and responses so far. I just write whatever I like and I have received positive feedback from others which spur me on to greater heights.

Imagine in just less than 1 month, I have gotten out of a relationship, got more responsibilities at work (although it would be better if it was a confirmed promotion), got drunk twice (once at Zouk, the other time at the chalet after drinking Baileys), went for a chalet stay, watched 4 movies, went for a concert, caught up with friends, indulged in shopping and chocolate buffets, and starting to fall for someone else. Hmmmm, not a bad achievement actually.

Which brought me back to the point : reflections. As I seriously examine my knotted-up feelings of late, it was a stage of confusion, denial and finally confirmation.

Confusion - unsure of how I really feel.
Denial - trying to avoid how I feel.
Confirmation - full-blown Whooosh! I'm in love!

Yes, the feelings I have been trying to avoid for the past few weeks. In case any of you are wondering, this was not why I decided to make a clean break. My relationship was already standing on its last legs anyway. It's a sooner or later thing that it ended. Let's just say this new guy entered my life just when I am looking for someone who is more suitable to be a life partner.

My friends have remarked that it seems rather fast. I know it is fast but sometimes when the feelings start coming, it is so hard to avoid. I tried avoiding, but they just became stronger and stronger. Until now I am very sure he is the one for me. He has almost all the qualities I am looking for. Same religion, same interests, smart, witty, humorous, overall nice chap. How do I know the feelings are real? I think of him all the time, he is the last person I think of before I sleep, my mind conjures up his images, and I miss him when he is not around. Only problem is he does not know how I feel. He may even be reading this but he probably won't know I am referring to him.

I have never been in this situation before. This is the first time in my life that I absolutely fell for a guy without him liking me first. When I asked for advice, my friend asked me to drop subtle hints. Asked me to be extra attentive to him. Well, I am attentive to everyone, so he may not even notice anything out of the ordinary.

Like what my friend told me, if I really feel he is the one for me, I should fight for my own happiness. On the other hand, I wonder what he will think if a girl starts pursuing him. I wonder how guys feel about girls pursuing them in the first place? I know I sound cheap and desperate, but I really want a relationship that can work out in the long run. I am no longer looking for a fling or a boyfriend, but a life partner I can spend the rest of my life with. I am too weary of getting my heart broken all the time.

Meanwhile I think I will just take it slow and see how it goes. I definitely will not come on too strong as I worry that will scare him off. I hope God will grant me this wish to find a loving partner I can finally spend my life with.

Monday, June 20, 2005

Can I Make It To Top 10?

I am sad. Despite all the 3 - 4 posts a day, I still cannot make it to the "Top 10 Most Updated Blogs" list. How many times a day do these top 10 people write?!

Just to satisfy my curiosity, I read one of the blogs. Guess what? She does not even post everyday, and even then only about 1 to 2 each time, yet she's tops of the "Top 10 Most Updated Blogs" list. Even my friend Sonic (who's probably sleeping peacefully in Bangkok with his female roommate right now) post more often than her. I wonder what the criteria is then?

I Have Caught The Culprit!

Now I know the culprit behind all my Friendster flood of messages. My makeover photos! Strange thing was that my photos have been there for an eternity now, yet I only got flooded by strange messages recently. Looks like I have to start deleting pictures and put up my most unglamorous photos to scare people off and downplay my profile so I can come across as an uninteresting person. Maybe that can stop all these influx of messages at last.

When Lightning Strikes ....

Positive : The long-awaited rainstorm finally arrived, ending the long days of hotness and humidity.

Negative : A bright flash of lightning and deafening clap of thunder struck, causing a blackout.

Double Negative : Got out of bed at 2:00am to try to fix the electricity back.

And I thought I can finally catch up on the sleep I missed during the chalet weekend …

Sunday, June 19, 2005

My Weekend Chalet Stay

My Lyric Opera group is always organising gatherings for its chorus members. Just last month, I opened my house for a DVD viewing of "Street Scene" and a pot luck party. This time round, I organised a chalet. Well, it was not really organised by me considering that it was originally my friend's idea. He just used my NTUC card to book a discounted package. Since he was away on a business trip last week, I helped to finalise the weekend chalet plans.

Some of us moved in on Friday night. We stayed up playing card games, Taboo and giving each other quizzes on how to solve murders. Saturday was more free and easy, except for the barbecue at night. Those friends who stayed over on Friday had to leave on Saturday so we went for lunch at McDonald's at White Sands. Then a girl friend and I went to buy marshmallows and seeing that we had time to kill, decided to walk all the way back to Costa Sands (Pasir Ris). It took one and a half hours to walk back, especially since we made a wrong turn and had to walk all the way back to the opposing side. It was good exercise, except that my calves started aching today.

More people came and stay on Saturday. These included my friend whom I mentioned above, with his new-found girlfriend, as well as my good friend Sonic, who generously brought large German sausages for the barbecue. A few others came for the barbecue, including our artistic director, Sonic's flatmate and the coordinator of the Mountbatten Community Choir, whom we have recently been merged to provide guidance and supporting voices. All in all, it was an enjoyable night.

We had to check out this morning at 10:30am. As a result, we quickly finished whatever leftover food we have, threw away some and the rest were distributed evenly to be kept by each of us. It was really an enjoyable weekend and I never had this much fun going for a chalet stay before.

On a sidetrack, there are also some good news - one of my fellow chorus members asked me to be the pianist for his church choir. Although it is very far from my place (Boon Lay), but the good thing is that I can finally serve in church. He had also agreed to be my sponsor for my baptism and has said that the entire church choir can sing for me when I get baptised. I can finally serve God in a better way!

Oh yes, Sonic will be participating in a Scrabble tournament in Bangkok this week. Let's wish him all the best and have fun! :-)

Friendster Flood - Part II

That's it! I've come to the conclusion that SOMEONE has been spreading my profile around. I came back from a weekend chalet to see yet more messages from strangers - last count 20! I wonder who the culprit is? If I ever find the person, woe be to you!

Friday, June 17, 2005

Friendster Flood

I suddenly have an influx of messages from Friendster. Today I have received a total of 12 messages, all from strangers (strangers to me, but linked to some of my friends), and all guys. It is strange because I have never received any messages from strangers before. It is like suddenly everyone seems to be surfing around Friendster at the same time. I wonder if anyone has been going around telling tales about me, now all of a sudden so many guys are requesting to get to know me?! Personally I do not really mind as I like to meet new people. Most of them are pretty nice-sounding, but when people start giving me sexual messages, that sounds a little dangerous. I better be on full alert!

Resistentialism - Redux

I have always assumed there is some voodoo going on in my office. Today's series of unfortunate events confirmed my suspicions.

When I reached the office this morning, the entire place was pitch black. I started to wonder if the Big Chief gave everyone a day off without me knowing. But when I heard laughter and chattering from my colleagues, I was relieved that my fears were unfounded.

Just when I thought it was a normal power failure, the lights started flickering. Then the lights for half the section came on, but the other half was still off. To make things worse, the computer was only half functioning, ie the network drivers, internet and email were down, even for the half section with the lights. And the fax, printers and photocopiers could not print a single thing as well. Just when I needed to rush out a letter for a client who was coming in at 10:00am.

When the lights came back on, all of us heaved a sigh of relief. Unfortunately, that was short-lived. The lights went off as suddenly as they came back on. A few minutes later, the lights came back on again – this time for the other half of the section that had the blackout in the first place.

When all the lights finally came back on and the fax machine started working, the computers chose to be down. We had to restart several times before everything was finally functioning properly.

So at 10:15am, the entire office was back to normal again. Resistentialism has really taken its toil on us this time. Maybe there really is a poltergeist around somewhere.

Mr & Mrs Smith

Dear Mr Smith,

When I said I did not love you and the whole marriage was a sham, I was lying. Truth was, I can't bear to kill you, and I know darn well you feel the same way too. When you looked at me with your sexy blue eyes while pointing a gun at me, I know then what I have always known - I love you.

I remember the first time we met in Columbia - you were the most beautiful target I ever saw. When we started dancing, I can't help but want to be in your arms. When you proposed 6 weeks later, I could not be happier. I know I lied about my parentage, but so did you. I lied about my job, but so did you. In this respect, we are equal. Although I have killed 312 men compared to your 60-odd, I feel we make a great team together.

So let's forget about killing each other and concentrate on killing our target. Who is to know the target was actually a bait by both our companies to wipe us out? What is this about "marrying the enemy"? Enemies can fall in love too, and if 2 people are in love, they can get married.

Let's not run away from them. Let's face them head on like you suggested. We can either blow their brains out or get blown out ourselves. Whatever it is, I know I want to be with you to the end. If anything ever happens to us, see you in the next life.

Lots of Love and Kisses,

Mrs Smith

Thursday, June 16, 2005

Life's Little Observations

· Sales assistants will not bother to be nice unless you dress as if you own a million dollars. (Tried and tested – imagine what sexy evening gowns, formal makeup and a different hairstyle can do for you!)

· People congregate around the middle of the bus like their lives depend on that stretch. As a result, others can neither go on nor off the bus due to blockage.

· People rush into the train when the doors open as if they are running for their lives. Others find it hard to get off, especially if the compartment is crowded and you get pushed to the back just when you need to get off as others are rushing in.

· People take their time going up and down the escalators as if the world has come to a standstill. Others in a rush are not able to push their way through.

· Single men rub their groins against a lone lady in a crowded train. Worse is when the train jerks to a stop – pleasure for the man but humiliation for the lady.

From Hobby To Prosperity

That's it! I have finally appealed to the masses. I clicked a link on my friend's blog and migrated my blog to BlogExplosion, where people will be paid to read my blog and vice versa. Although this is just a hobby, I may as well turn it into prosperity and let it generate some revenue for me. Next step would be to pimp it to Google AdSense, that is, after I figure out how to play around with the template and place my banners on the side bars instead of the top or bottom. Anyone willing to lend me a hand with that? (*Hint Hint*)

The Blog And I : A Controversy

As I was sieving through research sites yesterday, I came across several local bloggers and the controversy forums surrounding them. A brilliant scholar had to shut down his blog just because he put out his honest views on the scholarship system. A few weeks back, another brilliant scholar was slammed by the public just because she gave her opinion on how certain people behaved. This sparked off a rage and she had to make a public apology. Is it really necessary to be so drastic?

What exactly is the purpose of a blog? In my opinion, a blog acts exactly like a diary. Thus whatever that is said is supposed to be personal. But it is more than a diary as in anyone can have access to it, not like a real diary where nobody else can read. Since people are willing to share their personal opinions and thoughts, can we fault them for giving their own opinions? Afterall, a blog can also have a degree of anonymity. For instance, my readers know my thoughts and actions, but do not know what I look like (except for those I have a chance to meet), or how old exactly I am. You may get as far as knowing my first name, but probably that is all you will ever know. I feel that what one can say on a blog is very subjective. It depends on how much you are willing to share.

One forum brought up that since a blog is supposed to be an online diary of sorts, then does it really matter what is written? Another forum said that a blog is an avenue for venting frustrations, so it is perfectly alright if people want to write what they want. And yet a third forum said that even though a blog is personal like a diary, but people will get to read what is in it, so a blog should not contain defamatory stuff. And by defamatory stuff, it essentially means nothing to be said against any government bodies or systems or people's characters.

But in the first place, why must people fear what others say of them? Aren't we all brought up to take criticisms and value feedback so as to be able to improve? Every organization I work for all thrive on feedback. Thus, I find it an irony that people cannot give their own views on certain things.

I, for one, definitely have lots of things to say. But I better not spill anything. I do not wish for what I say to offend people and for my blog to be shut down for nothing. Hence, I will keep a stony silence.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Resistentialism

I am so glad I read my friend's May 16 article on Resistentialism as it seems that the same thing is happening to me right now. My PC is being cranky again, after just being sent for surgery last week.

Here I am, just back from my voice lessons, having a meal of Cup Noodles, and checking through my mails for any updates on the chalet gathering I am planning this weekend, when suddenly, I could not open the window at all. As if that is not all, the windows all started opening by themselves. It is as if someone put a hex on my PC. The strange thing is that everything else is working perfectly. My Firefox browser is in perfect working condition. It seems like my PC had decided not to accept any email programs.

I am using Thunderbird, courtesy of Firefox. It is not as good. I still prefer Eudora over anything else, but I was not able to install Eudora at all this time round. I tried installing IncrediMail but the same problem occured. Finally Thunderbird was the only email program I was able to install. Now that it is giving way as well, I wonder which other email program I can use?

I thought machines are supposed to help us, but it seems that so often, I engage in a battle over man and machine. Just like last week when I was giving my PC a major overhaul, everytime I tried disinfecting it and getting rid of all the Spyware, others multiplied. These little occurrences are enough to make you throw up your hands in despair.

As if that is not all, my display clock is also bonkers right now. It is forever showing the date on September 6 2002 with the time now being 1:03 am, despite the fact that I have re-adjusted and saved the settings 5 times.

Ok PC, I am only giving you until the end of the month to get your act together. If you still do not behave, I am carting you away and getting Mr XP in your place.

Ne'er A High-Achiever Be ...

Some people have asked if I was the top student from a top school. I wonder what gave them the idea? I was only an average student, nowhere near the top. I never really liked studying when I was young. It was only after my 'O' Levels when I had to give up my performing dream that I finally turned my attention to my studies. But my parents were the ones who goaded me, always insisting I must score well enough to be in the best class. Just think of the amount of punishment I suffered and the number of assessment books I completed just to achieve good enough grades to remain in the best class.

I was never in any of those top schools. In fact, my secondary school ranked an average of 35 out of the top 50 schools for Express/Special streams. But I love my alma mater; my former principal was very into performing arts and emphasized on an all-rounded education. Mission school education and culture is really different from normal government schools.

I only scored 2A*, 1A and 1B for my PSLE, with a score of 252. Now, do any of you seriously think that is good? That is way below the top scorers of 260s, 270s and 280s. Even more so for my 'O' Levels – only 10 points with 3 A1s, 2 A2s, 3 B3s and 1 B4, as compared to all the single pointers. It was a wonder I could still enter a premier JC and offered a Humanities Scholarship.

Even when I entered university, I was never the top. That was partly why I dropped out of law school - I was not smart enough to continue. In NIE, I took subjects I like, so I was motivated by interest to do well. Even then I was never a straight A student, mostly A and B-average type of grades. I guess that was why I was not selected for the Honours programme. I am hoping that my current part-time studies (which has been shelved for a year) will enable me to be a straight-A student and get an Honours degree for once.

So you can see, I am just an average human being, not a super being or a high achiever. Now talking about super, you should see Super Sonic. That is one person who is really a high-achiever.

2005 : Year Of The Family?

This year seems to be the year of Cupid and the Stork. Just when so many people are hooking up and getting hitched, just as many are having babies. Maybe there really is some stardust in the air scattering all the love and family messages around. The government will be so pleased at its efforts at spreading family cheer.

It is a wonderful thing, isn't it, to be able to find the right person you want to spend the rest of your life with, doing things together, having children, raising a younger generation, growing old together. Contrary to what my friends think, I am the type who likes to settle down early. I always believe if you settle down early, you can be a good friend and mentor to your children and able to keep up with them. There is a big difference being parents in your twenties as compared to your thirties. The mentality and energy is just not the same anymore.

Now as I witness my biological clock ticking away as I get nearer to the Big 3-O, I worry I will never be able to fulfil the wish of being a good wife and mother to my family. It is already so hard trying to find the right person nowadays, let alone get guys to propose to you. I seriously wonder how some of my friends get their guys to propose to them at such an early age.

Lessons From Opera Singing (Tips For Novice Singers)

1. Always take a deep breath 3 counts before singing the note. Breathing 1 count in advance is too late.

2. Clench your bottom and stiffen up the muscles in order to reach a high note.

3. Project your voice from the diaphragm (the stomach muscles must go in and out), not from the throat, otherwise you will develop vocal problems.

4. Think of a sharp object whenever you fear you are going flat on the tone and pitch.

5. Do not close your mouth while humming. The lips must be slightly open.

6. You must try to hold your breath for at least 12 counts in order to sustain a long note.

7. Always do 15 minutes of warming up exercises and lip drills before you start singing so as to project your voice properly and clearly.

8. Do not strain your voice. If you cannot reach the note, DON'T!

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

You Just Committed Vocal Suicide When...

Positive : You tried singing a high opera piece and actually reached all the high notes.

Negative : The notes fluctuate so much that you fear you sang off-key on certain parts.

Double Negative : Your voice start to go at the end of the session.

When You Finish Your Work Way Before Time ....

Positive : You thought you can finally go off on time for once.

Negative : Your client suddenly called and requested something urgent 10 minutes before knock-off time.

Double Negative : You rushed everything out for the client within the 10 minutes, only to find out later he has already left for the day.

*Mumble* *Grumble* *AAAARRRRGHHHHH*

What Is Love ... That Lovers Cannot See ... The Pretty Follies That Themselves Commit

Love can be the most complicating thing in the world. I cannot believe sometimes that something that is supposed to be so beautiful can be so complex. People can fall in love over the simplest reasons, but can also break up over the same reasons.

When my best friend broke up with her boyfriend of 4 years because she fell for another guy, I was really angry with her. In my opinion, she gave up someone who is so sweet and nice to her for someone totally unworthy. She had to adjust from a life of being catered to in everything to one of catering for everything. At that point in time, I could not understand her decision. But I could relate to it as I know that once you fall in love, you are blinded to everything else.

Cupid strikes in very strange and unexpected ways. Sometimes you may be in a relationship, but suddenly you find yourself being attracted to someone else. Does it mean you are being unfaithful? Or does it mean your love is just not strong enough? How exactly do you view love as being "strong enough" anyway?

I guess an ultimate test of whether your love is strong enough is whether you are willing to change for a person. Love can make a rich girl willing to be a maid for the guy she loves, or it can make a simple girl dress up more for the guy she loves. Love can make a guy change his habits for the girl he loves. Mostly, love can give people (especially non-writers) the inspiration to write beautiful letters and poems. Love can also make someone unromantic into the most romantic person in the world.

Another ultimate test is whether you are willing to stick with each other through thick and thin. This is something like those marriage vows where the priest ask the couple, "Are you willing to stick with each other, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, forever and ever, Amen?" It is so easy to just say "I Do", but one wonders how many people actually go through with their vows. If your partner is struck by a major sickness, will you run away or will you try your best to save him/her? One classic example is how Pierre Png donated part of his liver just to save Andrea D'Cruz. That is how deep his love is for her.

Now, if I am in his shoes, what would I have done? Will I love my partner enough to donate any part of my organs to save his life? It is really hard to say since I have never been in this type of situation. But for me to do that, he must be someone whom I really really love deeply, someone who is worthy of my love, time and sacrifice in the first place.

So what exactly is the concept of Love? Love equates to commitment, to selflessness, to self-sacrificing, to showing respect to each other, to giving companionship and support and each other space to grow. It is not selfish, not based on sex or passion, and it is not cruel. That, I feel, should be what relationships are based on.

Singlehood vs Couplehood

Nowadays, people around me are hooking up one after another. Just when one of my close friends started on his very first relationship, another one of my guy friends just started another relationship with a girl we both know. (Actually I have been suspecting for quite some time now, the way those two were carrying on.) Seems like love is in the air and Cupid has been running around being busy this period of time. Maybe my next mission would be to find someone for my best friend and my godbrother.

Being in relationships can be considered one of life's little ironies. When you are involved, you try your best to get out. You start to think how carefree singles are. You think that being single means a lot of free time to yourself, and you can do anything you like at whatever time you like without needing to report to anyone or catering to someone else's schedules. It is true to a certain extent. But being single will not enable one to enjoy the flood of love, warmth, companionship and happiness where only couples who are truly in love will enjoy.

When you are single, although you value your freedom, but you start to yearn for a companion as it is meaningless to enjoy everything by yourself. You may have a group of great friends, but sometimes it is just different. You start to envy couples who can do things together. And for someone who values companionship more than freedom, it is even more lonely and yearning. Hence the saying : The grass is always greener on the other side.

Meanwhile, I think I will try to hook up my friends. Starting with my best friend, then my godbrother, maybe next will be another individual whom I've been hinting about introducing girls to. (Yes, R, it's you!)

Monday, June 13, 2005

A Blogger's Reflections ....

As I compare my blog with my friend's, I asked him where in the world he got his inspiration from? This is the same person who told me that he had not much inspiration nowadays on what to write. If he can write this well without inspiration (or so he claimed), I shudder to think of what he will write if he suddenly has an outburst of inspiration.

When I started blogging, it was only on a trial basis. I had no idea how far I would go or how fast I would dry up, considering I have not written much for about 7 years, except for a few sparse entries now and then. Whenever I thought of writing again, I could not find the right inspiration or let the words flow like before. Then suddenly, I stumbled into this particular friend's blog and all my creative juices were unleashed at the same time. It was as if something held me back, and unexpectedly, ideas just started to flow. This is the reason why I can sometimes post so many entries in a day. Once my ideas come, I have to write them down, otherwise everything will be gone.

When I started blogging, it was purely for my own enjoyment. I have forgotten how joyful it is to pen your thoughts down. When the comments started coming in, I felt encouraged that people actually took notice. Today, a blogger from the US wanted to use one of my entries to post in a sampler blog. I am totally flattered and overwhelmed. Although that is just a start, but it seems that I may have finally reached a worldwide audience.

My blogging experiment has been successful beyond my dreams. Thanks RP for giving me the inspiration to start and to keep going. :-) Also thanks to all of you out there who takes the time to read and support my blog.

Cupid's Arrow - Strike While It Is Hot

One of my guy friends recently got attached. After all my efforts at trying to hook him up, he finally got attached on his own. What a relief! It is about time anyway, considering he is almost 30 and had never been in a relationship before this. I really envy the girl – she will be very well-treated because he is a caring, homely and simple guy, a perfect boyfriend and husband to anyone.

Many girls face the problem of finding guys who are unsuitable for them. I too have made that mistake a couple of times. They start to fret on why some girls can have all the luck in finding such a great guy. But I believe if one only has to look around properly, perhaps the right one will be just around the corner. This applies to guys too. For those of you who are single and looking, do not fret. I am sure the right one will come along sooner than expected. The onus is on whether you want to seize the opportunity once it comes knocking.

Lessons From The Office

  • If you are to wear a dress to work, make sure you bring along a cardigan / shawl / jacket, especially if your work place is directly under the aircon duct. *freezing at work*
  • If you are to wear a suit, make sure that your top and bottom is matching in colour and design.
  • Never wear a floral top with a striped bottom and vice versa. Florals and stripes match only with a plain design.
  • Black heels or pumps go with every attire and they are universally acceptable, be it in office or outside.
  • If you are to wear open-toed heels or mules, DO NOT wear stockings / garters / panty hose. It is a fashion disaster. And make sure your toenails are well-pedicured.
  • Always have a hand cream or moisturizer handy. The airconditioning dries up your skin.
  • Take a break every 1 hour or so to do some ergonomics, especially if you have been typing and staring at the computer screen non-stop. Otherwise you will end up with double-vision or a stiff-neck.
  • Always reach the office 10 minutes before the official time, especially if your supervisor has the habit of coming in early.
  • Make sure your makeup matches your attire and has a polished and professional look. Avoid looking like a witch or a 7th-month Chinese opera troupe artiste.
  • Always slather on lip balm, or gloss or moisturizing lipstick to prevent chapped lips (result of being in a dry environment the whole day).

A Pet By Any Other Name .... (In Memorium)

I stopped by a pet shop to buy dog food and a new collar after mass yesterday. I saw 2 very cute Shih Tzus belonging to the owner of the shop, as well as a hyper Jack Russell and a black Scottish Terrier belonging to the business partner. I always like going to pet shops. I can source out a variety of things for my dog (which my mum remarked that it's getting to be a real spoilt pampered pooch), but most importantly, I can get to see and play with all the cute dogs in the shops.

As you can probably guess, I am an animal-lover. I am a life member of the SPCA. Dogs are my favourite animals. During a trip down to the SPCA earlier this year, I witnessed how owners abandoned their pets. Some of the dogs and cats showed signs of abuse and neglect and I really felt for them. I went away feeling so upset. I came to the conclusion that much as I love to volunteer at the SPCA regularly, I cannot do it as it will take a toil on my mental state if I go away crying all the time.

I have wanted a dog ever since I was very young. But we only got our first dog after my 'O' Levels as my parents wanted to be sure I can be old enough to take care of a big responsibility. She was given to us by a former colleague of my mother's. It was a cross Japanese Spitz. She was white with a curly tail and a bit of black spots around her body. We called her Happy. She was with us for 2 years plus until one day, she went out for one of her regular exercises and got knocked down outside my house. When that happened, I cried for a whole day. We had her cremated and I kept her collar and leash for old times' sake.

The second dog we had was given to us by my friend. He was in the army then and found a litter of puppies in camp. As they were going to be picked up by the SPCA, he decided to "kidnap" one and knowing how I would drool over the puppy, he gave her to me. My mum, for all her originality, decided to call her "Happy" again despite our protests. She only lasted 3 months. She was sleeping in the driveway when my parents' car ran over it.

Our third dog stumbled into our neighbourhood so I decided to adopt it. He was a mongrel called "Nicky". However, he grew too big and fierce. My parents would not mind a dog as long as it is not too hairy, big-sized or fierce. I was made to give him away to the SPCA. I refused and argued with them countless times, until in the end, my dad called the SPCA to cart him away when I was out one day. I never spoke to them for a few days after that.

Our fourth dog stayed with us the longest. One of my neighbours had a litter of puppies. We decided to adopt one. He was cross-breed but since his parents were small-sized and short, my parents assumed that it would not grow too big and adopted him. We called him "Lucky". He was smart and lively, always awaiting me at the gate whenever I came home for me to pat him. He was with us for almost five years until he went out for his regular exercise last October and never did come back. We had no idea what happened to him. My maid and I searched everywhere for 3 days but to no avail. I can only pray that he had found a good family to stay with.

My current dog was bought from a pet shop in late January. He was a cross between a Shih Tzu and a Pomeranian. He is small-sized and with strangely not much hair, considering his parents' breeds. He is very smart even as a puppy. He is my most beloved Cookie! My mum always joked that I treat him like my own child. After losing so many dogs, I really became very protective of him as I do not want anything to happen to another dog of mine.

A pet is really a lifetime of responsibility. What the SPCA said is true – get a pet only if you are ready and willing to care for it for life. It is very traumatic for the innocent pet if you are going to abuse it as it only wants to please, and will have no idea what it had done to deserve ill-treatment.

Sunday, June 12, 2005

Why Is It So Hard To Let Go?

There is an old adage : If you love someone, let him go. I have been trying to abide by it, but I must confess : I am an emotional person - too emotional for my own liking at times. So emotional that whenever I get involved in a relationship, I give my 200%. As a result, perhaps I expected the same amount back and would get frustrated when I could not get back the same amount of effort I was putting in.

I am not the type who falls in love easily. But once I fall for a person, I will put in my best efforts in the relationship. Whenever I fall for someone, I would turn a deaf ear to what others said and be blinded to his faults. In my eyes he was always perfect, always right. Now that I am older (and wiser I hope), I realise that is the greatest mistake anyone could ever make. Yet disappointingly, at this age where I am supposed to be more mature and in control of my emotions, I realise I still cannot bear to let go.

When I started out with my 1st guy, I was only seventeen. Having studied in a convent all my life, post-secondary was the first time I got to have guys in my class. As a result, I did not know how to mix around with guys normally at that point in time. Thus I guess I was naive over matters of the heart. I thought love was to be all encompassing, something like how Shakespeare portrayed his female characters. Ah, the idiosyncrasies of youth. It was only when I actually got involved that I realised it was not a bed of roses. I was attracted as he could write such love poems and composed nice lyrics. However, he only wanted a girl who could help him with his work. His ideal girlfriend had to be someone gorgeous and able to "show off" to his peers. My friends did warn me but I chose not to listen. I remembered the unkind words he used to say to me about not being pretty enough so I had to be grateful that a guy could even agree to be with me in the first place. To think of all the times I helped him with his essays and as a result, I hardly had time to do my own tutorials. I went to his place everyday after school and every weekend. Besides school work, I had to clean his room, wash the dishes for his family and make a hot drink for him everytime he asked. My parents do not even ask me to do all these things at home! I was unhappy but I thought if that was what it took to make him love me more, I would not mind. I neglected my school work, my school activites and my friends because of him. I even fell out with my parents as he said my mum was wrong to always work and not spend time with me, not like his mum who was a housewife thus could care for the children.

When he dumped me for a pretty girl, I was so heart-broken I contemplated suicide. I tried cutting my wrists with a butter knife. In the end, my mum gave me a heart-to-heart talk and I snapped out of it. But the damage was done. I had been neglecting my work so I did not do well for my mid-year and preliminary examinations. I managed to pass my finals by the skin of my teeth. As for him, he scored straight As with 3 'S' paper distinctions and last I heard, he was doing Engineering in the US on scholarship. Although the relationship lasted for only 7 months, I took about 4 years before I was completely over him.

My second relationship happened when I was a little older, during tertiary years. He was 1 year my senior at Law School. He was actually my orientation group leader. I was attracted to his intelligent wit and his gentlemanly ways. I always profess (even now) that I like a guy who is chivalrous, gentlemanly, witty and intelligent. Our relationship lasted for a very long time, 6 years in fact. On the surface, he seemed to be the perfect guy - pleasant-looking, tall, okay body, top student, helpful, kind, romantic and generous. I used to think I was the luckiest girl alive. He really knew how to treat a girl well. He supported whatever I did, unlike the previous guy who only wanted me to do what he liked.

Unfortunately, things were not what it seemed on the surface. He had a violent streak and would lose his temper easily. He did not want to be a lawyer but an air-steward. Although I supported him in what he wanted, I did tell him to be more cautious as the airline industry was not as glamourous as it seemed. I know as I have a few friends who are SIA girls. He thought I was discouraging him, flew into a rage and threw the phone I gave him at me. It happened at my house so when my dog appeared, he scolded and kicked my dog. That was when I smartened up to his ugly side. I could never tolerate cruelty to animals, especially my beloved pet. Still, we were together until he dumped me for an air-stewardess.

Thinking back, I thought perhaps if I have let go of my previous 2 relationships earlier, I might not have suffered so much. But I always thought if you love a person, you would accept everything of him / her, as stated in my favourite bible verse 1 Corinthians 13 - the chapter about Love. I have always listened to sermons where the message was that God wanted us to be magnanimous and generous. Although one of my fellow Catholics did mention once that God did not mean for us to be a fool and take suffering upon ourselves. Besides, even when the relationships ended, it was always so hard for me to let go. I really should learn to take things more easily, then perhaps I would be a happier and more carefree person.

Which Singaporean Blogger Am I Most Like?

I took the test by Kenny Sia after reading Sonic's article. And guess what? Apparently I'm most like Scarlett Ting.

Congratulations SH, you are...


Scarlett Ting of joewei.blogspot.com

You are independent, smart and beautiful. Its too bad you don't see that yourself because life's little difficulties brought down a lot of your self confidence. As a result, you talk cryptic and you don't trust people easily. You care a lot for your friends and your loved ones, sometimes even more than you care for yourself, although they don't always seem to appreciate it. Don't let that affect you. As the saying goes, you don't miss the water till the well runs dry. So hang in there, you're a star in the making.



Hmmmm, I must admit, the qualities are mostly true. I believe I'm independent and smart, although beautiful?? Well, I've not been described as that. It is true I care a lot for people I know, as I always feel that as long as my friends and loved ones are happy, it is no big deal doing a bit more for others. And it is also true I get frustrated sometimes if I find that my efforts get unappreciated. But I am the type who likes to do things for others, so I guess as long as others are happy, it does not matter if they recognise my efforts in the end.

Thanks Kenny for your efforts in creating this. I really wonder how those questions I answered can give such an accurate assessment of me!

Saturday, June 11, 2005

Things To Do If You Are Stuck At Home During A Weekend

This is probably the first weekend in so long that I am stuck at home. Initially I welcomed the break as I thought finally I could have some spare time to myself. But after 2 hours, I started to regret my decision. What am I going to do with myself for 2 whole days? All the more so since my maid is still away, my brother is involved in school activities, and my parents brought my grandma out for a buffet. I like to be productive (because my imagination will go into overdrive if I have too much spare time and I will start thinking of unnecessary things) so I started to plan out what to do.

1. Play the piano - I just bought "Chicago" and "The Pianist" so I can finally try out the songs, plus practice "Street Scene" at the same time.
2. Take care of my dog - Bring him out for a walk, feed him and give him a bath.
3. House-cleaning - Taking in the laundry, sorting out the clean clothes, and mop the entire upstairs.
4. VCD / DVD Marathon - I can finally finish watching my entire collection.
5. Dose on chocolate and ice-cream (concurrently while having movie marathon).
6. Check my emails (although nowadays all I get are spam).
7. Continue Blogging.
8. Try out different makeovers - Finally an excuse to use up all the cosmetics I have!
9. Read - I can't wait for "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince" to be published! Normally I read only when travelling in the bus, train or plane, or at night before I sleep. 2 hours is about enough to finish a book - I finished the entire "Lord of the Rings" on the plane to Chiang Mai!
10. Surf the Net and research on more trivial.

Overall it's going to be a pretty lax weekend. Perhaps I really should make use of it and treasure the lazy weekend I am going to have.

Friday, June 10, 2005

Why Shakespeare Heroine?

I have received feedback that I am probably the only one in the world who goes by the moniker "Shakespeare Heroine". Personally, I do not quite believe that, since I am just one in a whole lot of billions, but it will be nice actually if it is really true.

Hence the question : Why "Shakespeare Heroine"? Very simple – I love Shakespeare. I have read the abridged version of Shakespeare's plays in primary school, and when I entered secondary school, I got to do the unabridged versions for the first time. I remember doing "A Midsummer Night's Dream" in Secondary 1, followed by "Romeo and Juliet" (my favourite of all times) in Secondary 2, then "The Merchant of Venice" as my 'O' Level text. When I entered Junior College, I used "Hamlet" as my 'A' level text, and "Julius Caesar" for my 'S' paper before I had to give it up. When I entered NIE, I did "MacBeth". I always get so immersed in all his tragedies and comedies. His plays are so intense that I always imagine myself in the shoes of the heroines.

When I was growing up, I used to have idealistic views of how love should be like. Shakespeare's works epitomizes love, drama and excitement, things I liked to have in my life. I would love to have the strong will of Juliet, who should just elope with Romeo, and not commit suicide. I would love to have the wit and brains of Portia (from "Merchant of Venice"), who married Bassanio and single-handedly saved his friend Antonio from the clutches of the wicked Jew Shylock. I would like to be Desdemona, who, despite all Othello's doubts about her, remained truly faithful and endured all his tantrums. I would like the strength of Ophelia, who loved Hamlet enough to let him go. But most of all, I would love to be Celia (Hee hee!) (from "As You Like It"), who escaped with her cousin Rosalind to the forest and endured hardship just to save her father from the evil duke.

Thus the name "Shakespeare Heroine". It does not refer to any one character in particular, but all of Shakespeare's great female characters. It can easily refer to Juliet, or Ophelia, or Helena, or even Cleopatra and Lady MacBeth. I do believe I am the only one of my friends who have read all of Shakespeare's original plays and sonnets and have all his books in my collection. Any one else with an entire collection? Perhaps we can trade!

Fridays = Dress Down Days or Casual Days?

The office is always different on Fridays. Everyone is so perky and so casually dressed. Fridays are the only time you can see knit tops and corduroys. Which got me thinking – what exactly is the concept of "dressing-down"? When I was teaching, there was no such thing as "dress-down" days. We had to portray a professional image everyday. Of course I did not need to wear suits or long-sleeved blouses (especially since the classroom was non air-conditioned), but I had to wear appropriate attire to look professional in the classroom and at the same time not get too hot and stuffy. Therefore, jeans and polo T-shirts were out. The only time I was allowed to wear something casual was when I had to take PE classes.

When I entered the corporate world, every company I worked for had Fridays as "dress-down" days. It was then that I realized almost every company has "Casual Fridays". Gosh, I had really lost touch with the world, being confined in a classroom for the past few years. However, the concept of "Casual Fridays" is different for different firms. The first firm I worked for after I left teaching is a medium-sized law firm. The dress code was not too formal – no need for suits unless there was a need to meet clients or go for meetings. But on Fridays, one could wear T-shirts with collars, khakis and capris. No round-necked T-shirts or bermudas allowed, but three-quarts and tank tops were acceptable.

The second firm I worked for is one of the top local firms. For such a big organization, it definitely has a very formal environment. I had to wear suits and even on Fridays, there was a list of dress code on what was acceptable and what was not acceptable. No T-shirts, tank tops and jeans allowed. So in the end, the "dress-down" days ended up with ladies wearing pantsuits.

My current firm is pretty lax in terms of dress code. I still have to wear suits or long-sleeved blouses during the week, but on Fridays, as long as you look professional, neat and tidy, it does not matter what you wear. Thus I have been coming in with round-necked T-shirts, jeans and sandals.

When I attended an interview with one of the premier local firms on a Friday, I felt so over-dressed as everyone there was wearing T-shirts and jeans. From where I came from, we were not allowed to dress down if we had to meet people on Fridays. But for such a reputable firm, everyone was dressed so casually. I started to reflect – does it really matter how you dress as long as you portray a professional image? There are people who got marked down during appraisal time just because they were not professionally dressed.

Actually does it really matter? Why do organizations make such a big deal on how one is clothed? I feel that as long as you do your work well and do not give trouble, it does not really matter how you look in the office. Appraisal should be on how well you do your work and not on how nice you look. I would so love to come in wearing just jeans and T-shirts everyday but I will get into trouble with my HR Manager. :( Maybe everyone should go into office casually dressed everyday as a form of protest, then perhaps the dress code policy can be revamped. I know all you HR people out there are going to hound me for this. :-p
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