I have finally taken medical leave, a few weeks overdue. No, this is not due to any heartache whatsoever. I have acute gastric problem and today is the day it chose to act up. Must have been due to the dinner I skipped last night.
Staying home today made me have the time to re-examine the events of late. That's the problem when I have too much spare time. I start to think about things. Thus I always try to keep myself occupied.
Apparently it's been almost a month since I started blogging. And I am very happy with the progress and responses so far. I just write whatever I like and I have received positive feedback from others which spur me on to greater heights.
Imagine in just less than 1 month, I have gotten out of a relationship, got more responsibilities at work (although it would be better if it was a confirmed promotion), got drunk twice (once at Zouk, the other time at the chalet after drinking Baileys), went for a chalet stay, watched 4 movies, went for a concert, caught up with friends, indulged in shopping and chocolate buffets, and starting to fall for someone else. Hmmmm, not a bad achievement actually.
Which brought me back to the point : reflections. As I seriously examine my knotted-up feelings of late, it was a stage of confusion, denial and finally confirmation.
Confusion - unsure of how I really feel.
Denial - trying to avoid how I feel.
Confirmation - full-blown Whooosh! I'm in love!
Yes, the feelings I have been trying to avoid for the past few weeks. In case any of you are wondering, this was not why I decided to make a clean break. My relationship was already standing on its last legs anyway. It's a sooner or later thing that it ended. Let's just say this new guy entered my life just when I am looking for someone who is more suitable to be a life partner.
My friends have remarked that it seems rather fast. I know it is fast but sometimes when the feelings start coming, it is so hard to avoid. I tried avoiding, but they just became stronger and stronger. Until now I am very sure he is the one for me. He has almost all the qualities I am looking for. Same religion, same interests, smart, witty, humorous, overall nice chap. How do I know the feelings are real? I think of him all the time, he is the last person I think of before I sleep, my mind conjures up his images, and I miss him when he is not around. Only problem is he does not know how I feel. He may even be reading this but he probably won't know I am referring to him.
I have never been in this situation before. This is the first time in my life that I absolutely fell for a guy without him liking me first. When I asked for advice, my friend asked me to drop subtle hints. Asked me to be extra attentive to him. Well, I am attentive to everyone, so he may not even notice anything out of the ordinary.
Like what my friend told me, if I really feel he is the one for me, I should fight for my own happiness. On the other hand, I wonder what he will think if a girl starts pursuing him. I wonder how guys feel about girls pursuing them in the first place? I know I sound cheap and desperate, but I really want a relationship that can work out in the long run. I am no longer looking for a fling or a boyfriend, but a life partner I can spend the rest of my life with. I am too weary of getting my heart broken all the time.
Meanwhile I think I will just take it slow and see how it goes. I definitely will not come on too strong as I worry that will scare him off. I hope God will grant me this wish to find a loving partner I can finally spend my life with.
Staying home today made me have the time to re-examine the events of late. That's the problem when I have too much spare time. I start to think about things. Thus I always try to keep myself occupied.
Apparently it's been almost a month since I started blogging. And I am very happy with the progress and responses so far. I just write whatever I like and I have received positive feedback from others which spur me on to greater heights.
Imagine in just less than 1 month, I have gotten out of a relationship, got more responsibilities at work (although it would be better if it was a confirmed promotion), got drunk twice (once at Zouk, the other time at the chalet after drinking Baileys), went for a chalet stay, watched 4 movies, went for a concert, caught up with friends, indulged in shopping and chocolate buffets, and starting to fall for someone else. Hmmmm, not a bad achievement actually.
Which brought me back to the point : reflections. As I seriously examine my knotted-up feelings of late, it was a stage of confusion, denial and finally confirmation.
Confusion - unsure of how I really feel.
Denial - trying to avoid how I feel.
Confirmation - full-blown Whooosh! I'm in love!
Yes, the feelings I have been trying to avoid for the past few weeks. In case any of you are wondering, this was not why I decided to make a clean break. My relationship was already standing on its last legs anyway. It's a sooner or later thing that it ended. Let's just say this new guy entered my life just when I am looking for someone who is more suitable to be a life partner.
My friends have remarked that it seems rather fast. I know it is fast but sometimes when the feelings start coming, it is so hard to avoid. I tried avoiding, but they just became stronger and stronger. Until now I am very sure he is the one for me. He has almost all the qualities I am looking for. Same religion, same interests, smart, witty, humorous, overall nice chap. How do I know the feelings are real? I think of him all the time, he is the last person I think of before I sleep, my mind conjures up his images, and I miss him when he is not around. Only problem is he does not know how I feel. He may even be reading this but he probably won't know I am referring to him.
I have never been in this situation before. This is the first time in my life that I absolutely fell for a guy without him liking me first. When I asked for advice, my friend asked me to drop subtle hints. Asked me to be extra attentive to him. Well, I am attentive to everyone, so he may not even notice anything out of the ordinary.
Like what my friend told me, if I really feel he is the one for me, I should fight for my own happiness. On the other hand, I wonder what he will think if a girl starts pursuing him. I wonder how guys feel about girls pursuing them in the first place? I know I sound cheap and desperate, but I really want a relationship that can work out in the long run. I am no longer looking for a fling or a boyfriend, but a life partner I can spend the rest of my life with. I am too weary of getting my heart broken all the time.
Meanwhile I think I will just take it slow and see how it goes. I definitely will not come on too strong as I worry that will scare him off. I hope God will grant me this wish to find a loving partner I can finally spend my life with.
3 comments:
Hi, that's a good news. :)
About dropping subtle hints: don't.
It will just confuse the whole stuff.
Guys nowadays appreciate honesty more than mind-games.
If you like him, tell him about it.
Don't torture yourself by negatively thinking that he might view you as "cheap" & "desperate".
But in a very miniscule possibility, if he does think that way, then perhaps he is not the right guy after all.
Gd luck!
You really think I should? I'm afraid I'll just scare him off and in the end we can't even be friends. That will be even worse. Besides, I fear rejection too and it'll be so embarrassing if I tell him how I feel and he rejects me upfront.
i agree that will be worse. but if he could be easily scared that way, IMO it doesn't really sound like he really deserves you.
slapped by rejection is surely painful, but definitely better than to deny yourself a chance to know how he feels about you.
have faith in yourself.
Post a Comment