T.G.I. Friday's!

When I was a teenager, T.G.I Friday's was the restaurant to go for a date, or a gathering, or just a cool place to hang out. My classmates were all raving over the place. However, I did not have a chance to go there until I was seventeen.

The first time I went there it was with my then puppy love to celebrate my seventeenth birthday. I remember he ordered a mudpie for me, and dedicated a birthday song to me on the jukebox. T.G.I Friday's was at this chic placed called The Glass House then, and the ambience was really cosy and romantic especially at night with dim lighting.

 

The second time I went there was a few years later, ironically also to celebrate my birthday, this time with the big love of my life, or shall I say, the big love of my past. It was another mudpie and song dedication on the jukebox. Because we were still studying then, so places like these were considered a luxury. Hence we only went to T.G.I Friday's two more times before it closed down and exited the country for a long time.

 

Incidentally, when the restaurant closed down, it also closed a big chapter of my life. To me, T.G.I Friday's is synonymous with the ups and downs of my life, the happier times I had, and the sadness when it closed down and my most serious relationship ended.

 

A few years back, T.G.I Friday's returned to our shores. Somehow I did not feel that excited about it coming back, as compared to the uproar I felt when I found the restaurant closed down. When it came back, it opened a small outlet at a corner of a shopping mall, where unless one looks really carefully, one could hardly see the restaurant.

 

Recently, the restaurant moved to this newly revamped shopping mall near where I stay. Last Friday, I went there for dinner. After so many years, for some reason, the restaurant is no longer that appealing to me. It used to be a real treat if we could even go to T.G.I. Friday's, but now that I can actually afford it, I find that the place is not that cool anymore.

 

Perhaps because the structure is now somewhat like Hard Rock Cafe, like a classic American diner style, so I do not find it that unique. And the menu has changed a lot. The food served is more Western / Country style, with big pieces of steak (American cut) and barbecued ribs. And the mudpie I love so much is gone. I ordered a Jack Daniel's sirloin steak, American cut, which you can read about in my food blog here.

 

Still, it was a pretty cosy place. Although now that it is situated in a shopping mall, the ambience is not as good as when it was first situated in The Glass House. Years later, it is still a favourite haunt for kids, as I see so many teenagers having dinner there. What can I say? Kids nowadays are much richer than during my time!

 

It was not too bad an experience overall. I think I would like to go back there again, because the food is good, and for the price, the servings are pretty good! Hopefully I will have a chance to go there for dinner again!

Is The Book Business Dying Out?

There is an article today about Borders, the giant bookstore chain, going bankrupt. I am not sure if they will pull out the store here, because if they do, it is a disaster indeed as I will no longer find any good books around anymore.

Borders is the first bookstore and cafe concept to open here, back in the mid-1990s. In those days, it was hard to find really good books around. Most of the time, I end up going to the library, or to local bookstores where there is not much variety, or else I will buy my books overseas from Harris when I went to Australia.

Then the Japanese bookstore Kinokuniya came. Even though it has a wide range of books, but most of the time, it is filled with, erh, Japanese books. So when Borders opened its doors, I started hanging out there all the time. The variety is humongous - from reference books to fiction to non-fiction to cookbooks. Many of my university textbooks were bought in Borders.

I remember those days when I was still a poor student, I would go to Borders, pick out a book I like, then hide in a corner and started reading. I never got caught because I always finished the book within a couple of hours, then returned it back to the shelf. The book looks as good as new because I always handle it with care. I absolutely hate anyone reading a book or flipping through the covers and returning it with the covers tattered and folded. The least one can do is to learn how to take care of a book properly!

Now with the internet age, I no longer step into Borders that often. I would always order online. I guess due to this, the bookstore itself is not making any profits because most people prefer to order books online now, or worse, download e-books or just read everything off the internet.

A few months back, I wrote a post on how electronic media can never be compared to print media. I still concur to this. No matter how much you read off smartphones, or the internet or iPads or Kindle, it is never the same having a physical book in your hands. Yes, I know electronic versions do not cost money, I know it is saving the trees, but there are other ways to save money and there are other ways to save the trees. Improving your knowledge and language is worth every penny.

It is just like downloading movies instead of going to the cinema. Or downloading songs instead of listening to a CD or iPod. Call me old-fashioned or out with the times, but I much prefer seeing the big screen in the movies as compared to the small screen on my computer or laptop. I much prefer listening to the CDs on my clock radio-CD player instead of downloading songs and listening off my computer or laptop. And if I go travelling, I can always burn all the songs from my CDs into my iPod Shuffle.

I really hope Borders will not pull its store from the local shore. There is only one Borders store here, and if that goes, it will be a disaster! No longer will I be able to relieve my younger days and enjoy hanging out there anymore!

The Barbecue Business

How many of us had gone barbecuing in our younger days, particularly when we were students? I still remember in secondary and university, we would celebrate the end of examinations by booking a chalet to stay for three days and a barbecue would always be held on the second night.
When I finished school, when work and other things took priority, I seldom had the chance to go barbecuing anymore especially since my friends are all busy with their own lives too.

Which is why I have not gone for any barbecue get-togethers for five years. Gosh, has it been that long? I guess my friends probably have the same sentiments as me as when a friend wanted to organize a New Year get-together at her place and she gave the option of a barbecue or a pot luck, most chose the former.

So barbecue it was. And it was a really fun gathering, where the guys started the fire and barbecued the food and we girls just sat down, chatted and waited for the food.

The barbecue business has evolved such that where we had to prepare lots of food in advance, now everything is at the tip of the finger. I remember days where I had to cook noodles, marinate chicken and buy disposable utensils, nowadays there are quite a number of barbecue wholesalers delivering food direct to your doorstep.

For instance, my friend ordered a package online from this website called Hungry BBQ. There were eleven of us so she ordered a package for ten. The package includes chicken wings (already marinated), black pepper fillet, sambal chilli sting ray, buttered corn, sweet potato, fish balls, fried rice, packet drinks, ice, disposable utensils like plates, knives, forks and spoons, skewers, tongs, brush, charcoal and starters.

You name it, you have it. The whole package cost about S$135, and if we order S$150 worth, there would be free delivery, so we topped up with a platter of fresh fruit. Hence we need not even do anything! Just one click of the mouse, everything is settled! And the food is good too!

Due to the popularity of barbecue gatherings amongst kids and students, the barbecue business is booming. Very good idea! Someone should have come up with this concept a long time ago!

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Last Month Of The Year

Finally December has arrived. The past eleven months just flew by! Normally the last month of the year is full of pomp and fanfare because it is the month of Christmas!

I remember when I was young, my mum would bring me Christmas shopping together with my aunt and cousin. I used to like going shopping with her.

However when I grew older, shopping with my mum became a drag. Somehow I do not have the patience to go into shop after shop after shop and in the end did not even get a single thing. I much rather see something I like, go into the shop, try it on, get it if it fits and go off. Which is why I hardly ever go window shopping.

This December will mark my first month at my new job. I have yet to know if I can remain here. Of course I hope to but perhaps the company may think I do not meet their standards hence terminate my services.

In any case, I am sure looking forward to Christmas and the coming New Year ahead! A new year always means new hopes and new ideals!

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Long-Forgotten Flavours ...

Due to my recent bout of flu-cum-cough-cum-sore throat that lasted one and a half months (and the cough still recurs if my throat is a tad dry), my cousin recommended cod liver oil to fight off infection. I was still deliberating on that when she brought along two bottles of Scotts' Emulsion Cod Liver Oil for me - one original flavour and one orange flavour.

I wonder if anyone remembers the flavours of old? I remember the cod liver oil I used to take in the past. It was white and came in a rectangular glass bottle with a white cap. The orange one (which I seldom took) came in a rectangular brown bottle and the syrup was thicker.

If I remember, the white cod liver oil was quite bland. People have said it was awful-tasting and fishy, but I never found it that bad even though it was not the best tasting thing in the world.

Now many years later, perhaps my taste buds have matured, somehow when I took a spoonful of the white cod liver oil last night, it seemed rather fishy that I actually grimaced! I started to wonder if i actually did ever take such an awful-tasting thing! Furthermore, the bottle is now round plastic, smaller and more child-friendly.

Come to think of it, whatever happened to all the products I used to take when young? There was Glucolin - a form of white fine powder that came in a round blue metal can, which I would make a sweet drink with.

There was Tang orange - orange powder dissolved in water that would result in the best orange juice ever.

There was also rose syrup that came in a red container, where we could either add water and make a sweet drink, or add milk to make bandung.

I miss all these! I wonder what happened to all these drinks? I would so love to get them and taste them all over again!

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Childhood Flavours ....

I cannot believe I actually found this!

This has been my favourite childhood snack of all times! But ever since my teenage years and adulthood, lesser and lesser provision shops have been stocking this. In the past, whenever I managed to find this, I would buy in bulk - at least twenty packets! They were so cheap, about ten or twenty cents per packet!

For the past few years, I have not been able to find any of this. I was thinking perhaps it is finally out of stock everywhere, and moaned about the loss of my favourite childhood snack.

Then today, I was wondering around the hospital near my office when I came across this old provision shop in that neighbourhood. Suddenly, I saw a small display case with this snacks! Without thinking, I wiped out the entire stock! Finally I found my favourite childhood snack!

Thank goodness it is sold so near my office, so I need not go all over to find! I am frequenting that provision stall from now on!

The New Distance Fares

Come July, our public transport system is going to implement the new distance fares. How this works is that instead of paying for the number of stops, we pay for how far we go. This makes a lot of difference to me, especially since my place is between two train stations. Now I need to go to the further one if I am to go to town, and then go to the nearer one if I am to go down to the east.

It did not matter in the past because the price for either station to go anywhere is the same since both belong to the same "stage", but now, with the new distance fares, the price between the two stations can cost anything from two to four cents, so I have to go whichever one accordingly if I do not intend to pay extra two cents.

With the new distance fares, the price upon boarding will increase from the existing one. But the advantage is that, if we are to transfer a bus or train, ie if we take another bus or train within the same journey subject to a maximum of five transfers in two hours, we can get quite a lot of rebate off, depending on the total distance. The rebate only applies if we transfer, and not if we take a straight bus or train.

For instance, once the distance fares start, if I am to take a straight bus from my office back home, it will take me two hours. But if I am to take a bus to near where my mum's office is and then change to another bus back home, the total journey is only about an hour and a few cents cheaper than if I am to take a straight bus.

It all depends on the route of the bus. The straight bus that goes to my place will go by several neighbourhoods and small lanes before arriving at my place, whereas the bus that I transferred to will cut through the highway all the way until it reaches another neighbourhood. So the total journey and time is shortened.

Come to think of it, the public transport here has changed a lot. I remember people telling me there used to be conductors on the bus, where they would punch out a ticket to your destination. I have never come across any conductors, but I do remember when I was young, the buses were non air-conditioned, with hard seats and noisy. I could hear the engine rattling each time the bus moved.

Our bus drivers had their uniforms consisting of a blue top and dark blue pants. We put in the coins into a machine next to the driver, and he would pull the handle to take the coins, and the ticket would then come out of another machine behind the driver's seat. I was always excited during those rare times when my mum or aunt would bring me to take a bus ride and I would always collect the tickets. I still have my collection of old bus tickets!

That was when I was still quite young, around the eighties and early nineties. In those days, I was driven around most of the time, and each time I could take the bus or train, I would be so excited because I could then see unfamiliar scenery flashing by me. How times have changed! Now I crave more than anything to be driven around as I am so sick of taking long bus or train journeys with people who are downright inconsiderate and it takes so long to go anywhere!

Anyway, around the mid-nineties, air-conditioned buses were introduced. Now the way of public transport had progressed! With the introduction of air-conditioned buses, I much rather wait for an air-conditioned bus than to take a noisy, non-airconditioned bus. Coins have also given way to a transitlink card, where we topped up cash and then paid using a transitlink machine on the bus. We had to key in our own fare according to the number of bus stops, and the ticket would come out on their own.

The disadvantage of this was that some passengers were not honest. Because we could key in our own fare, some of the passengers just keyed in the lowest fare available, even though they could be travelling a much longer distance. Whenever these people got caught by the inspector during random checks, their transitlink card would be taken and penalised the total fare. I witnessed some quarrelling with the conductor, saying that was the only fare they could afford, but the conductor refused to budge.

Then comes the twenty-first century. Bus drivers are now given better esteem in their jobs by being called "captain". Their uniforms went through an overhaul. They now wear a light green top with black pants. Their image is now updated to a more modern and sophisticated look. Buses are now fully air-conditioned (except for a few services), with more comfortable seats and much less noisy.

Transitlink cards have given way to magnetic cards where passengers just need to tap upon boarding, and then tap upon alighting, and the fare would be automatically deducted. The machines could only be tapped upon reaching a bus-stop and not during any other journey. This was one way to prevent cheating. Of course, there was no stopping some passengers to tap the card upon reaching a bus-stop without alighting, even though they were alighting only a few stops more.

So the bus inspectors upgraded their machines. One tap of our cards would indicate whether we were honest or not. Last year, the magnetic cards were replaced by a longer, slimmer version, but the function is the same - tap when you board, tap when you alight. What if we forgot to tap in upon boarding or tap out upon alighting? Then the next bus or train we took would not be able to register our card, and we had to then pay cash or go to any train station service counter and have the card rectified.

Now with the new distance fares, we still tap in upon boarding and tap out upon alighting, except now, instead of deducting the number of stops, the total distance is calculated and deducted accordingly when we alight. Even buses are automated nowadays!

This works for trains too. Instead of going by stages, now every stop is accountable for the total distance. So upon calculation, sometimes taking buses is much better than taking a straight train! The transfer rebate works on trains too, so even if I take a train, then transfer to a bus, then transfer to another train, there will be rebates for every transfer as well.

The train system has also evolved, from just a few stops that covers East to West and North, then the far North close to the border, then the North-east, then the West extension, now even the Circle and later on Downtown. So the train systems can ensure almost everywhere is covered!

But taking buses sometimes still have advantages especially in places where the train does not go to. And at some stops, the bus stops are nearer to the venue than the train station, and cheaper too, especially with the rebates and distance!

So I can say our island here is pretty much covered and convenient in terms of public transport. But I still say, having a car is still much more convenient, especially if one intends to go to rather "out of the way" places in the shortest time possible!

My Stash Of Journals And Notebooks ....

I was spring cleaning my room a couple of weeks back when I came across all my journal books. I had come across some of my journal books on my desk, under my books, in a drawer, but it was last night that I found all together. A brief glance and I counted twenty-five books! Goodness! Do I really have that many? I cannot even remember I have that many!

There are small notebooks that are more like shorthand books, there are cutesy diaries with a lock and key and scented pages, there are plain ledger books, and there are autograph books with cute covers. I wanted to refresh my memories so I took a brief glance. Now I remember why I have so many. I have been regularly writing in diaries since upper secondary. I keep a separate one for school, one for my life in general, one for relationships and friends.

Thus, the accounts I had with the first guy I dated filled up one book. When I was away at the ASEAN Law Conference all those years back, I brought along a plain notebook and that one week conference filled up one book. When my ex and I were going out, he would give me a new journal every half a year. He would always get those cutesy diaries for me to note down my accounts with him. My travel memoirs were in separate journals too.

I wrote regularly from 1993 to 2002. I even labelled the journals – Love and Friends, School, Family, Travel. Maybe that accounts why I have so many! For some reason, after we broke up, I no longer write regularly, hardly at all. In fact, in the subsequent years that followed, I gradually forgot I even have so many journals at hand! Then I started writing online, so there is hardly a need to touch those diaries, and I have to admit I slowly forgot about them, except for the one or two books which I still do write in as and when.

Thus, it came as a surprise when I saw just how many journals I have, some I remember fondly, others I do not even remember seeing before, yet the pages are filled with happenings. First impression after all these years is that wow, my handwriting is not bad! And I really do use lots of strength when I write, so goodness knows how many pens I have used up! I really must buy a storage case to store all these journals, and my books too! Trouble is I have not been able to find a big enough bookcase to store all my reading and writing materials!

Just A Quick Update ....

So I am back! Starting over again, I am grateful to friends, old and new, for their support all these while. There comes a time where I must think about continuation. I first started this blog for ravings and rantings, but since my life has been pretty normal of late, at times I wonder if people will be interested in my somewhat mundane life. Still, I want somewhere to write, and it does not matter how others view me because I just want to write. Hence, this stays, for now.

Thought it is time for a new look to mark a new chapter. I am rather proud of myself that I can manage to find something nice and quaint, yet do not totally depend on a cut and paste code template. So what do you think? Nice design? Not by me though, if only I can do such nice things, I can set up my own design business already! :-p

In a way, it is a new chapter for me, because the first half of the year, particularly the second quarter, have been rather bouncy. I changed a job, I got more involved in religion, I started sorting out my own (and men's) minds, and now, I am totally living my own life, shorn of indecisive men. There can be nothing better than one's own self worth and happiness!

A slight update for what I have been up to : My supervisor finally came back from his honeymoon on twenty-fourth of June. I succumbed to flu on the twenty-fifth of June, and with the swine flu virus going around, I was "quarantined" for two days. Work had been piling up for the past month and I have been busy with teleconferencing the past week. The CHOICE June weekend was cancelled by the Archbishop's orders due to the virus.

My youngest brother came back from Canberra for three weeks. Since he will not be back again until December, I took the afternoon off on Friday to bring him to eat his favourite food, went shopping, changed currency and kept him company until we saw him off at the airport.

I watched Transformers, twice. I watched Duplicity (a very good show!), Ice Age 3 and Harry Potter. Initially thought Public Enemies was showing on 9 July and was so looking forward to it, but due to delay in the rating of the show, it was postponed to 23 July, hence I will be watching it this weekend.

I had dinner at Astons Specialities, Picotin (a very nice place by the way), Tapas (a Mexican restaurant), as well as drinks at Brewerks. I had a lunch gathering at my best friend's home. I mourned Michael Jackson's demise, and got caught in the shopping malls, restaurants and cinemas playing all his songs.

I went to Butter Factory to participate in a fund-raising for the blind. I changed two phones (long story). I adopted a long overdue confirmation name, so now I have three names, crazy as it may sound. I went for Novena, Prayer Meets and CHOICE Story-telling sessions. I am finally singing again for the choir at my parish church. Hopefully it will be long-term this time round!

What else have I been doing with my time? I started reading again. I have always been reading, but I started intensive reading again. I started listening to music again. I have been listening to music off and on but nowadays I start listening to music whenever I am in my room and before I drift off to slumberland. I started seriously thinking about what I want to achieve in the next few years.

I kept up on news events. After a few years of silence, Jakarta got bombed again last Friday. At times I really wonder what are these people up to? Is it really so pleasurable in their opinions to go around killing innocent people and endangering others' lives in the process? As if the world is not messed up already.

This period of "silence" is good in a way that I can focus on other activities. Has there been any urge to write? Of course! Writing is a big part of me, and to suddenly stop writing it is as if something has been wrenched away. But I keep to my own promise - to take a break for a month before resuming. But for those who know, I have been writing off and on in my Facebook notes!

Hence, here I am, back again, with more ramblings of the nitty-gritties of my mundane life!

Packing For Beach

Packing for a beach resort is not as easy as one thinks. The temptation is to just throw in anything that is sleeveless, any swim suit and wrap. But the trouble is coordinating the outfit. Alright, I know no one is probably going to look at me, but it is a personal thing. I will never be caught dead wearing something totally mismatching.

What did I pack for Bintan all those years ago? I was younger than, barely out of my teens, so wore clothes which kids of those times wore. I remember wearing a jumper with a black T-shirt on the boat ride there. Then I changed into my new (then) olive bikini, and a grey tank top with a short sarong wrap skirt over it, complete with thongs.

The next morning, we spent a day at the beach. I wore the same bikini with a blue sarong wrapped over it. My ex bought me that sarong at a night bazaar near his home the eve of our departure. He has pretty good taste too.

Of all the guys I have been with, he was the only one I actually trust to buy clothes and jewellery for me, because our tastes were pretty similar. The others had tried, but I would much rather buy my own as I would grimace at the things they bought for me! I do not mean to sound ungrateful, but I really do not like what they got for me! Still, I accepted and kept them as it was the thought that counted.

Anyway, after the beach in the morning, we went to the spa in the evening. Then we went back to the resort to shower before going for a night out. I wore the same blue sarong skirt, matched with a white halter top.

The next day, we took a trip to the golf course. It was our last day in Bintan, and we were due back on the afternoon ferry, so I wore a green batik print sundress with a white T-shirt. The effect must have been good, as I look good in the pictures. But then again, at that age, anyone looks good! :-(

It has been so many years now. I am already way out of my tweens, teens and adulthood. I cannot possibly wear the same kind of clothes I used to wear when I was that age. It simply does not work. What looks good on me ten years back will look weird on me now. Nevertheless, there are still some things I can carry off.

For instance, I am sure not going to wear a bikini so exposed anymore, at least not this time. I did not have a slight tummy bulge then, but now….. So I have to resort to a tankini. Even then, my flabby thighs and bum will protrude. Oh well….

Perhaps I just need to pack in a long flowing skirt that can double up as a tube dress too, and also another sarong. It is only a weekend getaway, I do not need to drag a whole cabin bag along, maybe just a backpack will do!

Back To The Teenage Workbook

Due to my upcoming workshop, I managed to dig up The Teenage Textbook and Teenage Workbook, and even though they were books for teenagers, some of the content is still quite meaningful and useful. Especially for the Teenage Workbook, there was a section on choosing the right person. The author wrote that there is no perfect person, so we have to find the right person, because the right person may not be perfect, but the best for you.

Anyway, after this, there was a section where there is some form of a questionnaire to fill in. The main character Sissy Song was wondering whether Daniel Boon likes her, so she absent-mindedly filled in the section on her dream guy (describing him), then realised she wrote in Daniel's book and quickly erased everything.

When I came across that page, the pencil marks I scrawled in were still visible. Upon reading that again, I realised my taste did not really change that much (albeit with some modifications here and there). I was about sixteen when I first read the two books, and this was what I filled in :

My Dream Guy by [my name]

Height (5 cm range) : 175 - 180 cm
Can he be shorter than you? Absolutely not!
Weight (3 kg range) : 77 - 80 kg
Can he be skinnier than you : No
Age : Same age to the most 8 years older
Can he be younger than you? No

The three most important physical qualities he should have are :
1. A nice smile
2. Broad shoulders
3. Soft silky hair I can run my fingers through

The three most important character qualities he should have are :
1. Articulation and a sense of humour
2. Intelligence
3. Chivalry

The three things I don't want him to have are :
1. Body Odour
2. Bad Habits like smoking, gambling
3. Vulgarity

The three things my dream guy should never do are :
1. Be mean to people and animals
2. Spout vulgarities
3. Engage in sex

Have you found someone like that? No.

Well, no during the time I did this. But now if I am to do it all over again, perhaps I will relax on the height, weight and age factor, although someone shorter than me is still a no-no. As for whether I have found someone like that now, well, all I can say is currently still on the outside, looking in. ;-p

Demise Of A MP

More news on the home front - a certain Member of Parliament of a constituency of the western part of the island, had passed away in his sleep. Now, that is a good way to pass away, peaceful and serene. Anyway, this caught my attention because he used to be my adjunct lecturer for one of the modules in my History major.

Not only that, he was the one that pushed for the creation of another post-secondary school, which has now become one of the top schools. That school was where four of my cousins and myself attended. It was already one of the top schools during my time, pretty impressive record for a school that was only in existence about a decade or so (in those days).

According to the news article on his demise, it was said that everyone was full of praises for him, for his work as a Member of Parliament and his devotion to his family members. I have not seen what he has done in these areas, but as a lecturer, he was not very well-liked. At least he was definitely not my favourite lecturer!

My impression of him was that he was a stern, no-nonsense man who would not mince his words. Perhaps he had high expectations on his students, but he put things in a very crude way. It was as if everyone must be up to his standard. Honestly, if we were the same standard as him, then he would not be lecturing us, would he? We would all become Members of Parliaments or professors already, and not attend his classes to listen to his lectures (in every sense of the word).

Anyway I remember he put down a girl in front of the whole tutorial group because of a World War II presentation. She was on the verge of crying. He started insulting her intelligence, looking down on her qualifications, and saying she was not "quite there" just because she was from a polytechnic and did not have any 'A' level qualifications.

I find that really unnecessary! It is people's choice which education institution to go to, and besides, if she could make it into the university course, her grades would be quite something already! So why did he need to say that? I know she was really upset that day, and I do not know if it was because of this, but the following week, apparently she quit the course.

Oh well... in any case, I suppose he is a pretty great man in other aspects, otherwise there will not be so many who mourned his demise. A person's achievements in life is shown only upon his death, on the number of people who feel sad. Which makes me wonder, if I am to die suddenly, will anyone mourn or will they feel relieved instead? Looks like I really have to examine myself thoroughly.

School Daze Too ....

While still on the subject of school days, I started reminiscing about the time when I was in tertiary. I remember the first tertiary institution I went into. After the intense application, interview, written test and selection process, when I received the letter that I was accepted, I could hardly believe my eyes!

Like I said, my grades were just mediocre, nothing to speak of, so it was a miracle I even went in. But I guess things happened for a purpose. If I had not gone in, I would not have met the person who would mean so much to me, and I still care for him as a friend, but that is another story altogether.

Anyway, when Freshman Orientation came about, I was really excited. There was the overall orientation for all the freshmen, as well as the school orientation for the various courses. In the overall orientation, we were broken into groups comprising freshmen from all courses. Thus, I inter-mingled with those from Business, Computing, Engineering, to name a few. It was great fun, we had eggs and flour thrown at us, water sprayed at us, walked all over campus for a treasure hunt, and camped on the school grounds.

After that, came the school orientation. Those from my course had to go to the respective lecture theatre, where there was a briefing, an introduction around campus, the library, the research and computer rooms, then we went back to the lecture theatre where we were broken into our respective tutorial groups. Each tutorial group had a class tutor and two mentors who were our seniors.

And that was when I saw him. My first impression was that this guy has a nice voice! Soothing, pleasant. Not a sing-song voice, but pleasant to the ears. Apparently he was a mentor and he was calling out the names of the tutorial group he was supposed to be mentoring. And he called out my name!

First time someone pronounced my name perfectly without any need for me to introduce myself! Throughout all my life, I was cursing my parents for giving me this name, so odd and hard to pronounce, as not even my teachers could get the actual pronunciation right, which is odd actually because I always thought my name is pretty easy to pronounce! Thus I was used to saying my name out first before anyone got to it, or else, everyone will spell or pronounce the more common form with an extra syllable.

I went out when my name was called, and he looked straight at me, gave me a smile, and remarked, "Nice name!" I did not know how to react so just smiled. Then we went to a classroom to get to know our tutorial mates, tutors and mentors. The tutors and mentors had to introduce themselves, and when he introduced himself, I was remarking to myself, "Small wonder he got in. A real prosecutor or litigator in the making!" The words just flowed out of his mouth like water flowing out from a tap! How I wish I can be this articulate! I got to know his name and that he was a year above me.

The weekend before term started, I had to move into the hall. I remember my parents driving me down on a Saturday, dropped me off in front of the hall (we had already recce the place a week before), so I had to lug my suitcase all the way to the second floor. When I reached the staircase, he was just coming down. The moment he saw me, he helped carry my suitcase to my room, and said, "So we are in the same hall! I'm just upstairs, holler if you need anything!" And then proceeded to give me a brief tour on where the kitchenette, function room and lounge is. Not to mention he actually remembers my name despite just a glance that day.

That was when I first spoke to him. Besides saying thank you from carrying my luggage, I told him, "You were going down. Were you not supposed to go somewhere?" To which he said, "I was just on my way to lunch actually. You wanna come? Then I can show you where the nice eating places are." And that was the start of a close friendship. Turned out he was meeting his friends and he introduced me as their junior, where I was welcomed with open arms.

From there, he got me into debating, hall activities, school activities and our usual supper bantering time. Being the class mentor, he was the first person I spoke to when I felt I could not cope with the workload and kind of subjects and wanted out. He was fully supportive and told me to do what my heart desired. Of course, by then we were already more than just mere friends. We still studied together though, and he always gave me his notes for reference, so I never really did lose touch with much.

So when I went into another tertiary institution and attended another orientation, somehow that orientation is much more impersonal and not as fun. Perhaps because the next course I entered does not cater just for students, but also for adults and those who entered second careers. Thus the structure was not as well planned out nor as fun as the previous one. All we did was briefing, introduction of the various groups, and a tour around campus. That was it. Even when the campus shifted into its permanent grounds and I ended up in the hall again, somehow I did not feel it was as nice as the previous one.

Well, it was fun while it lasted. Yet my deepest memories were those from school, and not so much on my adulthood. Seems like I hardly have anything worth remembering in my adulthood. In fact, there are some things I prefer not to remember. But in any case, hopefully in the months to come, there can be some good memories to create all over again, who knows?

School Daze ....

I came across one of my old school yearbooks the other day. That, coupled with an intense conversation with K yesterday, brought back certain memories long forgotten. I remember the day I finished my 'O' level examinations (it was the dreaded Additional Mathematics paper), I felt so relieved that I was finally free! My friends in the Arts stream were already free a week back, when they finished the Literature examination, and I had to mug for another week over a subject I hated.

Anyway, it was on the day itself that my mum called me and asked me to pack up. I was surprised, until she said we would be leaving for Genting Highlands the next day and she did not want to tell me for fear I got too excited and could not concentrate on my paper. Right... why would I be excited going to Genting Highlands anyway? If she had said Europe or America.. now that would be different.

Only thing was that I had to submit my school application form the next day. But we had to catch an early morning train into Malaysia. So my parents drove me down to the school I wanted to apply for (just as well it is near my place) and I deposited the slip with the main office before rushing off.

Honestly, I never thought I would stand a chance. That school was one of the top schools, even now. Compared to the rest of my classmates, my grades were just mediocre. Definitely I could not make the Science stream, not that I wanted to do Science anyway. So when the letter came that I got in, I was totally ecstatic! My mum took a look and wondered why I put Arts instead of Science, as she thought I would do triple science and Mathematics, but I told her I would rather die than do Science subjects again.

On the first day of school, we were all gathered in the hall for a briefing and orientation program. The orientation lasted for a month. During that month, even though lectures and tutorials were conducted, no one really took their work seriously, because we were not sure if we could still be in the school after three months.

I stood next to this sweet-looking girl with a cute bob. We had to line up to go for classes, and I happened to be in the same class as her. Since we were just next to each other, we ended up sitting together as well, and when the tutor called out our names, that was when we knew each other's names and started talking. This girl became my best friend and since then, we have never stopped being friends until now.

Then we had to choose our school activities, and I chose Choir, Debating, Student Council, Tennis and Magazine. But I was kicked out of Tennis as the coach required someone who could actually play. The first Choral session was an audition, and I got the part of Mezzo with the occasional Soprano.

I remember my audition was after a guy from the Science stream. While we were waiting for our turns, a group of us were chatting with each other. The guy went in, came out and said he got the part of the Tenor, with the occasional Baritone. He gave me a thumbs up and said good luck! When I came out of the audition, I was surprised he was still hanging around.

He asked about my audition and I told him I managed to pass. He patted me on the shoulder and congratulated me. Then we went for a drink at the canteen and talked, and he said he planned to run for the President of the Student Council. Then, during the first debating session, I saw him again and when he started debating, I was really captivated by the way he talked and presented himself. This guy later became the first guy in my life.

Three months later, when it was confirmed we would all be staying in the school, we went out to celebrate, all of us, my best friend and some classmates of ours, this guy and some of our choir mates. Orientation had officially ended and it was time for serious work. The guy and I became busy running for the Student Council and we helped each other along the way and got the posts we wanted.

Then I submitted an application for Humanities Scholarship, and managed to get it. Since then, I got more involved in Literature and Drama activities. I extracted parts from Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet and Hamlet, gave them a modern twist (although if I had a choice I would not have done that!), and choreographed them. We had fun rehearsing and playing roles from various plays.

Throughout my time in the school, I did really fun things, activities like these which were part and parcel of school life, instead of just books and studies. And the friends I made, most of them became really close, although unfortunately along the way, we kind of lost touch with each other or became just mere acquaintances.

I learnt a lot from my school days, especially in learning how to interact with the opposite sex. I was from a girl's school a big part of my life, and grew up with mostly female cousins. My impression of guys were childish like my brothers. I never really had an elder brother figure to look up to, as I was not that close to my male cousins (the only one I was close to was far away down under.) I have my godbrother and my childhood friend, but we have known each other since young, so I did not think there was any need to behave any differently with them.

Entering that school opened my eyes to a lot of things. Like how I could not be boisterous in front of guys. Being used to a girl's school, we were rather outspoken and loud (actually I still am). But then there were guys who were used to being in a boys' school, so they, too, were not sure how to behave towards girls.

It was my best friend who gave me tips. She had been in a co-ed school all her life, so she told me talking and befriending guys are just the same as being friends with girls, except of course we do not venture into girl talk. We can talk about intelligent stuff with guys too. Just like when girls get together, they exchange juicy gossip and start bitching about men, guys will show off their "conquests" whenever they get together. I used to be really disgusted but later on I realise it is part and parcel of bonding with the same gender.

That period of time was one of the best times of my life. Despite the downs (in a tumultuous relationship for about a year and screwing up important examinations because of that, resulting in almost dropping out, then had to endure the humility of seeing him with a new girl and being talked down to by that girl), I had happy times.

Somehow working life is never as fun as school days. Maybe it is true that friends you meet from school are those that can last throughout because you went through so much together being involved in the various activities of the school.

The Day When Everything Went Wrong

30062008. Remember this date, because it was one of the worst days of my life. I never had really bad days, except on a few occasions. What I view as bad days are days when everything and anything went wrong, whatever that could have gone wrong went wrong.

The first time I had an extremely bad day was on Friday 13 October 1989. I was in Upper Primary, and that day everything went wrong. A project I submitted somehow found its way into a trash bin, with scratches and marks, resulting in my teacher punishing me for not handing in and destroying my work. Needless to say, no one owned up. I was a prefect and went according to rules rather than friends, so people took the opportunity to add fuel to the fire and I got punished by everyone that day.

After that, the next time I had an extremely bad day was on Wednesday 14 February 1996. It was the very first Valentine's Day of my life, and I was looking so much forward to it, but someone screwed it up and I ended up crying the rest of the night away.

Soon after that, I had another extremely bad day - 20 May 1996. I screwed up my examinations, I quarrelled with my best friend and then boyfriend, I quarrelled with my mum and got into a lecturing session by the school principal herself. As I said, anything that could go wrong went wrong.

After that, the next extremely bad day was on Friday 29 November 2002. That was the day when I was due back from Sydney and I called someone from the Sydney Airport. It was summer, the weather was forty degree celsius so all was bright and cheery outside, but his voice over the other end chilled me to the bones.

I cried in the plane, and the moment I reached home and tried calling him, he was uncontactable. I called my best friend and she dropped me the news. I tried calling him at home and on the mobile but he was not available. I left messages but he never called or texted me back. I ended up crying the whole night and could not sleep at all.

Since then, I tried my best to pick myself up and told myself never to have anymore bad days ever again! There were bad days off and on, as and when, but those were just part and parcel of life, until Monday 19 June 2006 - a day I wanted to forget but could never do so.

After that, it was a tsunami of emotions. I lapsed into on-off depression. Who really cared actually? No one. Okay, my friends did care, did ask about me, my family members cared, but the one person I wanted more than anyone to care at that point in time did not even give a hoot. After I went through so much for him he just blamed for for everything that happened, for not being strong enough. Right, I was not strong enough, otherwise I would have got out long ago instead of dragging on till then.

But I survived. I have been surviving for the past year. Things got back to normal, sort of. I went on with my life, enjoying myself more than ever. Until yesterday. Apparently I had unknowingly offended some people in my office, and now some people are out for my blood. Something small escalated and went straight to the top, and my boss is now trying to fight for me (which I am really grateful for), otherwise it could just be immediate termination.

Is it not just so sad that when you just want to do your work, not to go around being popular or hypocritical, try not to be embroiled in politics, yet people can turn around and stab three knives in your back? All because you do not belong to any clique! If I am part of the group, I daresay things will be overlooked! Because I do not belong, minor things can be blown up into something serious!

But I am not in the office to win Ms Popularity. I am not there to curry favour with anyone. Neither am I there to win anyone over. I am there to do my work. I work for my boss, for the company, not for any other department! I am not obligated to help anyone, so even if I do and take a long time, it does not mean I am not doing my work!

I am also not in the office to engage in small talk and gossip about anyone and everyone! True, it is important to get along with co-workers, and I do lunch with some buddies, but other than that, I am not there to be in a social outing of sorts! So when people ask me for feedback, I give the truth. I do not paint a nice facade and please everyone by saying nice things.

Which is why I am in trouble now. Am I supposed to lie and pretend everything is rosy just to please others, or shall I go with my conscious and tell it like it is, even though the truth may not be pleasing to the ears? Oh well.... in any case, I really hope nothing will happen. I cannot afford to lose my job right now, not when I have some major financial commitments in the upcoming weeks!

Times like these, I really wish I have someone with me, I so much want to be embraced, to be hugged, to be treated like a princess, to be able to whine and complain and to be assured that everything was alright. As it is, I ended up crying in my pillow all by myself again.

C.O.M.M.I.T.M.E.N.T

I came across a small slip of paper in my drawer last night. That piece of paper was back when I was still in school, and my class was supposed to put up a skit with the theme "Commitment". Every student was given a slip of paper to write down what each thinks "commitment" means.

Anyway, in the skit, someone was acting as a French chef, and she was baking a Commitment Cake. Off hand, I cannot remember the ingredients that were used in the cake, but every letter of "COMMITMENT" had an adjective that stood for something good. Things like Concerned (Castor Sugar), Obligation (Orange Juice), Magnanimous (Mango Mousse), (Cream of) Trust (Tartar), etc. The skit was a huge success and my class won the first prize.

For me, I wrote down the following, "Commitment means sacrificing one's time to spend time with those you love." Yes, even as a sixteen-year-old, this was what commitment means to me. But now, if I am to write down again, I will state "Commitment means being responsible for someone, spending the rest of your life with the person you love, taking care of your loved one and making sure their happiness means more to you than anything else." And that is all there is to it!

Carried Away ....

When I was younger, my parents used to restrict me from watching television. So in order to keep myself updated with sitcoms and serials, I had to beg my friends to help tape down the shows I liked. Like almost any typical person, I grow up on American serials.

My favourite program back in my primary school days was "Sesame Street", like just any kid around the world. Those puppets were really cute and endearing! Who can forget Oscar, Cookie Monster, Elmo (my personal favourite), Big Bird and that elephant (whom I can never remember the name), not to mention that tomato and banana who were staying together.

Then more American shows started coming. There was "Party of Five", "Dharma and Greg", "Mad About You", "Dawson's Creek", but I was not that interested in these shows. The ones my classmates were raving about were "Twin Peaks", "Northern Exposure", "Melrose Place", "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air", "Beverly Hills 90210" and the most famous cartoon series of all time, "The Simpsons".

90210 was the hottest craze then. It spawned a series of clothing line and books. I felt left out whenever my classmates were talking about the show, so I sneaked a peek whenever I could. I started liking that show too, because I was envious over why school students in America could have so much freedom whereas I felt like a prisoner then. I had my classmate tape for me whenever she watched the show. And I read all the books in the series.

Later, I had more chances of watching television, because I could always go over to my ex's place to watch. He and I liked the same kind of shows, so he would always tape "The X-Files", "ER" and "Ally McBeal", then we would just hang out at his place, snacking and watching the tapes at the same time.

After that in my adulthood, there was a period of time when reality TV was the craze. So I tried to catch every season of Amazing Race and American Idol whenever I could. Not to mention "Charmed". In recent years, there are "Desperate Housewives" and "Heroes", which I never had the chance to watch, but plan to get the VCDs once they are out.

It was also in later years that I fell in love with "FRIENDS" (still my ultimate favourite) and "Sex And The City", the former because my youngest brother bought the entire set of all ten seasons, the latter was introduced by my mum's cousin who loves the show. I had watched "Sex And The City" on and off during the years they were showing, but it was after my relative who lent me the DVD of the entire first season that I started to really like the show.

So I plan to get the VCD of the entire series of all the seasons for "Sex And The City". What is there not to like about the show? Some may argue that it is a somewhat bimbotic show where the women talk about nothing but fashion and men, but honestly, that is what typical girls will talk about. Just like typical guys talking about army and girls.

The situations are really real. Problems in love, friendships that survive through ups and downs. The movie did justice to the series. It is a somewhat continuation of the series, yet at the same time bringing the entire show to a closure, with a feel-good feeling.

Not to mention the beautiful wedding that was supposed to be held at the New York Public Library building, the to-die-for Vivienne Westwood gown, and the book entitled "Love Letters Of Great Men", which convinces me to find and get that book, especially after Carrie read out the excerpt from Beethoven (and I always thought he was only capable of writing intense music!).

My favourite part of the show is the wedding with Mr Big right at the end. It was really a simple wedding, just an exchange of vows at City Hall with only the two of them, no one else. She had on just a business suit as her wedding gown. And then lunch with her closest friends. But that was also the most beautiful and touching part of the show, because after everything, they really wanted to be together. So who said one needs a big wedding bash to make things beautiful?

My favourite character is Charlotte. She is someone simple, traditional and just wants a complete family, someone who is faithful to her loved one and her friends. Somehow I can relate to that. My second favourite character is Carrie, who, despite being modern, independent and smart, all her rationality gets thrown out in the face of love. And that is how loving someone should be like - the ability to forgive and start over, despite hurts and disappointments.

A Beeper By Any Other Name ....

I found my old beepers last night. They were stashed in a corner of my drawer. Just when I thought I have thrown them all away. The very first beeper is a small black NEC, with very limited functions. One could only page for me, there was no voicemail or messaging function. It was a birthday gift from my first guy, so he could "summon me at will", in his exact words. That period of time it was quite a big thing for any student to have a beeper, let alone a mobile.

It was supposed to make it easier for friends and family to reach me whenever I was not at home, although the troublesome thing was that whenever someone paged for me, they would have to wait until I returned the call. And if I was outside, at times it could be a hassle trying to find and then queue and wait at a public phone booth. Even worse if I was on a long bus ride and could not return the call immediately. Plus my parents did not like paging for me, "like a call girl".

After the end of that relationship, I changed the beeper to a red arpeggio, because I liked the ring tones whenever someone paged for me. Then when it became necessary for people to leave me voice messages, I changed it again to a white Motorola. And when the messaging service came out where people could call the operator and send a text message directly to one's pager, I upgraded again, to a lavendar Motorola. Within five years, I changed four beepers.

I still remember my beeper number though, although it had been terminated when I switched to a mobile phone permanently. Needless to say, all the voice messages which I saved up had also been deleted when I terminated the service. But the text messages still remained. And when I put in a battery last night to test the beepers, I came across the text messages. Needless to say, since a beeper had only limited space, I could only save a limited number of messages, and all the saved messages were from my ex. Come to think of it, he could actually call the operator just to send me embarrassing messages, wonder if he ever felt embarrassed or what the operator actually thought?

But those text messages were not the mushiest though. The voicemails he left for me were worse. Last night, I suddenly recall some of the more embarrassing, albeit sweetest, voicemails he left for me, both in my pager and later in my mobile. Plus the embarrassing texts in my mobile later on. Wonder why I suddenly thought about these again? Somehow the thoughts triggered off a song, one of my favourites from one of my favourite bands.

I Have A Dream ~ Abba

I have a dream, a song to sing
To help me cope with anything
If you see the wonder of a fairy tale
You can take the future even if you fail

I believe in angels
Something good in everything I see
I believe in angels
When I know the time is right for me

I'll cross the stream - I have a dream

I have a dream, a fantasy
To help me through reality
And my destination makes it worth the while
Pushing through the darkness still another mile

I believe in angels
Something good in everything I see
I believe in angels
When I know the time is right for me

I'll cross the stream - I have a dream
I'll cross the stream - I have a dream

I have a dream, a song to sing
To help me cope with anything
If you see the wonder of a fairy tale
You can take the future even if you fail

I believe in angels
Something good in everything I see
I believe in angels
When I know the time is right for me

I'll cross the stream - I have a dream
I'll cross the stream - I have a dream

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Back To The Titanic

I heard this song on the radio this morning. Imagine that is the only movie which I watched four times in a movie theatre! Most of the time I would watch the movie once, or twice the most, in the cinema, then if I really love the show, I will get the disc and watch again at the confines of my home. But that was the only movie so far that I watched so many times in the cinema itself.

The reason I love the show is because I find the story really touching. No doubt to a lot of people, they find it a sappy love story, but the message behind it is really meaningful. He told her to move on, to live on, promise to go on with her life fruitfully and never let go of the promise. I always thought that was the ultimate definitive act of love - sacrifice yourself for your loved one, for him / her to get on with his / her life happily.

I remember my university Literature lecturer once said that the reason he had to die was because he had absolutely no money in his pocket. So if they had a happy ending where both managed to live and went on to New York, she would probably leave him after a few days because he could not support her. Which was why he had to die, so he could remain in her memory. Now that is so romantic!

But the song triggered off other things. When I watched the show four times, it was with the company of someone. When I tried to get the CD, but it was all sold out the moment it went on sale, he ordered from every music store, until one was available, then he got it for me.

There was once when he had to go for an in-camp reservist training. We were apart for like two weeks. Anytime he could, he paged and sang the song into my pager. He even downloaded the part where Jack was speaking to Rose as my pager voicemail message! He would improvise the lyrics of the song, and emailed me his own version of the song. I still have it in my email, but looking at that now, it was really mushy indeed!

And that was also the last song he sang to me, when we split. He said he wanted me to live on like how the song is like, like how Jack wanted Rose to live on, even if we could no longer be together. That was during my best friend's cousin's birthday chalet, where he came to see me for the last time and we sat around the swimming pool just crying in each other's arms.

So now when I hear this song again, it was filled with good and bittersweet memories of my younger days. I admit besides all the quarrels and arguments, I felt rather blessed during these good times. Do I still crave for these times? Actually now all I hope is to find someone who is willing to commit, because if he loves me enough to want to commit, chances are he will not treat me that badly.

Going Back To The Arena

Last night was a night of meeting friends, whether by appointment or not. It was just after my piano class when I bumped into a former teaching colleague. We chatted for a while, then I went to meet a friend for dinner. After that, when I was taking the train home, I bumped into another friend who used to perform together with me when I was still with the Lyric Opera. All in all, it was a good catching up session with old friends.

My music teacher did up a two-year plan for me, starting with practical examination next March, followed by Theory revision. Plus the occasional performances and promotions which the music school organises. Somehow it seems like I have gone back to my childhood days. The feeling is that of de ja vu, of long forgotten memories and the joys of performing.

The friend I met for dinner last night said something interesting. We had met under different circumstances before, in groups, so last night was the first time we met each other one on one. He said, I must be a lawyer and I must have been a school debater, and I must always have a book with me.

Hmmm.... To which I said, the lawyer part is partly correct, and yes, I do carry a book with me wherever I go, but as for school debater, how did he know? He said from the way I speak, the way I express myself, somehow he gets the feeling I am that kind of person. Erh... what kind of person was he referring to anyway?

I wrote something about my experiences in the debating team once. Actually, I was only in the debating team for like four years the most in the various schools I was in. The rest were just inter-class debates which were incorporated in English lessons. I had been Best Speaker twice (during inter-class competitions) and once during actual inter-school competitions, but then I have never really been a real debater, as in I was never selected to represent the country for international competitions. I am not that good.

My first guy and I used to take part in inter-school debating competitions and he emerged Best Speaker once. My second guy and I took part in the inter-faculty debating competition, and he was Best Speaker. That was the only debating competition I took part during tertiary years, so I was hoping to emerge Best Speaker, but I was not bitter because he deserved it fully. As I said, I go for articulate and intellectual guys. :-p

Still, it was a good and fun experience. I remember how we used to research, brainstorm, wrote and discoursed on a topic. I contributed my ideas, he contributed his. I was always there whenever the team needed to prepare for any debating competition, even when I need not participate, just to show support and gave ideas.

But my friend last night is really astute. He could actually see the type of person I am. It takes all kinds to make the world. There are some who think my kind of lifestyle and interests are boring, there are some who think I talk too much and am too expressive. There are even some who feels all the English Literature has harmed me, because now I can be so good with words, but yet they cannot tell if whatever words I say, I really mean them. And I assure you, I do mean whatever I say!