Sex For Grades?

The current "big" case that has been going on for the past few weeks is that of a law professor who slept with his student. This itself is not a "big" issue per se as I am sure there are many people in this world guilty of this. However, she bought him expensive gifts and her grades, that were supposedly mediocre, were superb under him.

In any case, he was charged for all six counts of corruption, ie sleeping with the girl and giving her good grades. He was terminated by the university with immediate effect after the verdict was out. No report on the girl, but I think she could lose her practitioner's license.

The thing is, why must this be splashed out everywhere? Does it serve a purpose to have the guy's face and the girl's face splashed everywhere? No doubt the guy is a scumbag, but the girl herself also consented. Okay, maybe to her it was her love for her lecturer, and that she thought it was right to give him expensive stuff and even have affair with him to show she loved him. She is still young and inexperienced, and now she made a big mistake she had to pay for it.

But the guy is middle age, she was his student, and he should know better. He is so much older and more experienced, must he respond to her just because she was showing some fancy and interest? Furthermore he has a wife and a kid. How will his family feel?

This incident is another typical incident that shows just how scummy men can be. But then this also shows the value systems of the younger generation. Is getting good grades, having more money, etc, everything that people think of nowadays? What happened to all the ethics and moral values of doing things the proper and right way? Must you play some tricks and whatnot just to get ahead in life?

Just like the girl, despite the mistake she made, her parents immediately sought to sue the guy and even paid for the most expensive and prominent defense lawyer for her. I wonder if it is due to her upbringing or influence that caused her to be like this? I am not saying I do not understand her situation, she is still young and lots to experience, but perhaps if her parents had questioned where those money went to and who she gave all those expensive gifts to instead of just giving her the money and letting her do what she likes without question, perhaps the entire situation could have been nipped in the bud.

I really worry about the younger generation if this is what they are growing up to be. I hope I will not make the same mistake if I ever become a parent.

Spitefulness Of Women

In this time and age, nothing is secret anymore. After all the scandals of two of our high-ranking military personnel involved in a corruption-turned-pornography case, the director of the Central Intelligence Agency had to resign because of a sex scandal. In all of these cases, if it was not because someone blew the whistle, no one would find out.

 

So who blew the whistle? Chances are it would be the women involved. Yes, women are spiteful. Yes, they seek out revenge. And yes, if you cheat them or break their hearts, they will bring you down no matter what. Afterall, there is not greater fury than a woman scorned.

 

Of course, most women also have common sense and magnanimity, so most women would just take it as a lesson and let things go. However, there are some who would turn sour and go all out to let the man suffer, especially since he is a prominent figure. She knows how to strike him at his worst.

 

In all these cases, no doubt the women should not have done things so drastic. Afterall, whatever transpired was consensual, they are both adults, they both knew what they were getting into. And it is very easy for women to "manipulate" men to get what they want using their sexual prowess.

 

Still, if the men are grounded and do not succumb, then the whole issue would never have blown out, is it not? The thing is, women knew how to get men, and some will not hesitate to get what they want from men. But I am pretty sure men knew exactly when the women are getting something from them. Then it is up to their own prerogative to just put a stop to it, is it not, instead of playing along?

 

When things happened, to men, they may think it is all fun and both knew what they were getting into. But to women, it is beyond that. When a woman gives her body, she also unconsciously gives her heart and soul. Physical intimacies is never separated for a woman. Yes, women can go for one night stands and sleep with different men, and even if she did not think much of that, deep down, she always wished one of the men would respond to her and not think of her as just "used goods".

 

Whereas men, they have no qualms sleeping around because to them, physical intimacies is just that - body and action. There is no strings attached, no emotions involved. Hence, men can take it as if nothing happened.

 

But not women. So when the whatever relationship ended, and women suffered emotionally, she would then turn sour and wanted to teach the men a lesson. Likewise, if a woman makes up her mind to date a guy, she will only be dating him exclusively, because when she is ready to give her emotions fully, she would do that. No matter how the guy is like, she would still stick with him because she made her choice, hence would tolerate every nonsense and bad habits the man has.

 

But I know men will not do that. Men will pick on little things to determine whether the woman is worth his time. Even if the woman laughs a little louder, walks a bit more roughly, all these "minor" issues will be blown up and men would just say because of these, the woman is not for him, as he always expects the woman to be perfect. And because of these, he will start seeing other women, or worse, string several women aloing before he makes his final choice, if he ever does.

 

I guess that is why men are from Mars and women are from Venus! Both genders are just wired differently.

How Did A Corruption Case Turn Into A Sex Scandal?

In the past year, there had been many cases of very established men being charged due to sexual-related crimes. In one high-profile case, a group of men, some with high statuses, were charged for running an underground underaged prostitution den.

 

Early this year, a chief of a military unit fell from grace for corruption - having intimate relations with a female vendor and giving her the services of the organisation to boost her sales. Just a few months back, a law lecturer at our number one university was investigated for giving the girl good grades in return for sexual favours, which he alleged the girl volunteered.

 

But the most high profile case in recent weeks is that of another chief from one of the police units, who also allegedly had intimate relations with a female vendor in letting her boost her sales by giving her the contract of his organisation.

 

The thing is, he was charged for corruption. Corruption, in any form, is still corruption, and being a chief in a discipline unit, he of all people should uphold the law. Hence, by having sexual relations with the lady and giving her the contract, that is corruption, as he favoured her company due to the relationship he had with her.

 

However, during the trial, and what the newspapers flashed out, the case somehow became a sex scandal, and to a certain extent, pornography. In the first place, is that really necessary to describe in graphic detail everything that transpired between the two accused? Secondly, there are kids reading the newspapers too, and by describing everything in such detail, it is rather inappropriate for the kids who are reading, is it not?

 

How did a corruption case turn into a sex scandal? Our reporters cater to what the mainstream wants - juicy news. And sex sells. But to me, it is deviating from the actual case at hand - a corruption, and sex-for-contract, which was what he was charged for in the first place, and not some kind of pornographic film where people have no qualms flashing your private life to the whole world.

 

Honestly, what people do with each other is really no one's business. So why must others indulge in these kind of news? Does it satisfy anyone to know which position, how many times, etc, the two of them did?

 

I am not saying what those two did are right. He, being a high-ranking civil servant in a discipline unit, should know better, especially since he is married with a family. She, too, should know better, especially since she has a family as well. But she wanted the sales so went all out, and he just abetted instead of resisting.

 

Which makes me wonder, are people's values and ethics degenerated to such an extent that they are willing to do anything, even cheapening themselves, just to get what they want in order to get more money? Personally, I rather have less money than have less morals.

 

It is sad indeed that so many of these high scholars have turned out this way. Is money and success everything that people's morals just go down the drain now? If that is the case, I rather be poor all my life and not be successful if that is what it entails to climb the ladder.

Another Manliness Quality!

And another reason why I love him! My friend is so distraught over her parents as she is still unable to contact them due to the Japan's earthquake and tsunami, when my dear said to change and go out. I was surprised because I was getting so cosy at home, when he said, "Let's go to your friend's place and accompany her."

I was so happy when I heard that! It is really a day of double happiness! And we did go there, even though my friend went to stay with her grandmother, hence there was nobody at home when we went, but still, it was really something that he could even think of that!

Wow... never have I found a guy who would do this on his own accord! None of the guys I know would ever do this for me! So whoever said he is not a real man? I think he is more of a man than all the other so-called man around who only know how to demean women! A real man is one who is not afraid to show their love and respect to the woman, without the need to show that he is in charge or in control! Those who want to show they are in charge or in control only show how lack of confidence they really are!

Friends ... With Benefits

I just came back from watching the show "No Strings Attached". It is a romantic comedy about two kids who met each other in camp during their teenage years, and then happened to meet again ten years later, and then saw each other again a few years after that, which was when they started a "friends with benefits" relationship - seeing each other whenever they felt like a romp.

However, the guy started taking things seriously and wanted to really be with her, but she was afraid of being hurt, hence kept rejecting his advances and his feelings. Finally he could take it no more and told her he could not see her anymore since they were on different paths, but when he was out of her life, she really missed him very much and decided to chase him back.

Of course, in a movie, there will mostly be a happy ending. But in real life, do "friends with benefits" actually work? It probably may not work for a girl, but it sure is no problem for a guy. Afterall, many guys I know have no qualms sleeping around and not be tied down. Of course it does not matter to a guy, he is not the one who will have his emotions triggered, he does not need to be the girl's boyfriend, does not need to take responsibility, and yet still have a healthy amount of sex anytime he likes. Which guy will not like this?

But not so to a girl. I will not say for all because I believe there are many girls who sleep around without feeling guilty as well. But generally, if a girl is to sleep with someone, it normally means she loves him very very much and trusts him explicitly to yield herself totally to him. All the more so if she is a virgin and agrees to lose her virginity to the guy, he must be someone she really feels she can depend and rely on.

Unfortunately, guys simply do not think the same way. They deem it a conquest to be able to get a girl to bed him, especially if she is a virgin. They then get their egos boosted up, throw her aside after she yields and go on more conquests. In other words, they totally lose their interests in her after they have had their fun, without caring the trauma, depression and feelings of betrayal the girl will feel.

What is it about men that they seem to find it a fetish to destroy a girl's life like that? Do men think we are not humans with emotions, but objects of their fancies and desires, to be played with and then thrown aside once they tire of us? Or that they are gods where we have to kowtow to and go according to their schedules and sleep with them whenever they summoned?

It is hard to find a guy who is willing to take the responsibility to a girl in this day and age. Most like to play around and have fun, without caring whether the girl feels the same way. To them, if they feel they cannot progress anymore, they just disappear, but they have never once considered the impact on their actions to the girl in question.

Are we females forever subjugated to what our male counterparts want? Then it is very sad indeed, that in this modern day and age, there is still no equality of the sexes and men still think girls have to submit to whatever they want and do whatever they like to us.

We live in a sad world indeed.

Date Renting?

I do not know about other countries where Lunar New Year is celebrated, but here, most singles I know dread the festive period, because it is the time for well-meaning yet busy-body relatives to ask, "So how old are you now?", "How come you are still single?", "When are you getting married?" and a whole series of related questions.

I used to get that all the time too, and I always shrug it off. They are just concerned and harmless. Besides, if they do not ask this, they would have nothing to talk to me about. But to many people of my generation, festive periods became a drag because they had to fend off all those questions, and concerned looks and the little gossiping behind their backs. People made it seem as if being single is a cardinal sin.

Hence this year, some dating agencies came up with the concept of date renting. Simply put, someone can go ask for a date just for the festive period. One way of looking at it is that the guy can bring the girl out visiting, pass her off as his girlfriend and then shut his relatives out. The guy is happy, the relatives are happy, the girl had fun, and both got to know each other.

Perhaps something could even develop out of this, provided they do keep in touch. But knowing the way local guys function, most likely they will want an ego boost, hence they may choose the prettiest and most elegant girls to be rented out, and then what? After the festive period, when the girl's "services" are no longer needed, what then? Will they still keep in contact, or will they just totally drop out of each other's lives as per the norm?

Okay, I make this sound like some kind of social escort. Forgive me if this is what it sounded like, but I feel the reason why local guys are still single is mostly on their own mentality and their social behaviour. They do not initiate contact, nor do they bother to keep in touch. I have experienced my fair share of these when I was under dating agencies.

The agency set up a date with you, hoping you two meet and then continue getting to know each other, but I notice guys simply do not bother. It is like they just want to meet the girl for the first time and that is it. If she does not match up to his looks, height, elegance, slimness or trophy girl criteria, he would not even bother behaving himself the rest of the date.

Then why bother spending the money and time if all you want is a trophy girl and not to actually go beyond the looks and give the girl a chance? I am not talking about those who look really frumpy or dowdy, but those girls who take pride in their appearance and spend time looking good for the date, yet the guys just give her a glance off and totally lose interest just because he thinks she is not pretty enough.

There are also some events where the organisers want many males and females to get together to socialise. The idea is socialise, not sit there and stare into thin air. Yet when people go for events like these, they are more interested to be the first in the buffet line than to actually talk to others, let alone the opposite sex.

Furthermore, men got scared off when a woman initiates the conversation, as if she is an alien. I believe I have mentioned before, if a man does not initiate a conversation and a woman initiates, why get scared off? Does he think every woman is willing to sit down and stare at him like what he does?

Ultimately, date renting only works if the girl is treated with the kind of respect as per a normal lady, and not as a social escort, used only to boost the man's ego and then totally forgotten after that. No girl is obligated to pander to a man's family if she is not involved with him, and for girls who are willing to be rented out, maybe it is for fun, for meeting new people, and also she too can escape her well-meaning relatives during this period. Hence guys please respect that and do not brush her off just because you think she is not supermodel material.

The bottom line is, both are doing each other favours, so respect each other and respect each other's families, and do it in the name of fun. What happens after that is up to the individual, but one should not use this opportunity to show off or satisfy one's ego in front of others.

Of Men And Their Egos

What is it about men and their egos? Honestly, why do they have to keep emphasising they are men so they cannot do this or that, or because they are men, so they should do this or that, and because I am a woman, so it is ok for me to do this or that? Does it make a difference nowadays which gender you are to do anything, most of all God's work? Must one even calculate what you want to do as long as it is for God? In the first place, if one does not contribute for God and for oneself, then the whole mentality and priority is wrong, and people like these should really re-examine themselves what their value systems are in the first place.

What I really, absolutely, truly, cannot tolerate is men who think they lord over the women, and just because they are upset, the whole world have to be upset with them, and because they are angry with this and that, the partner (woman) also have to cut off all ties and contact too. Who does he think he is? The woman has her own life and decision too! If what she is doing is right, why must she give up just to pander to a man's whims and fancies? If he is so insecure, it is his own problem! Do not blame the whole world for your own insecurities!

Sometimes when things do not go one's way, maybe it is not the time yet, or maybe something better is coming, or maybe some tests have to be put through first. But do men consider these? NOOOOOOOO..... They think as long as things do not go their way, it means the whole world has gone against them, which means the woman herself should also be angry with the whole world just because the men think the whole world is against him. Why do I always come across men like that? And people say older men are more mature? What nonsense!

Sometimes you thought you found someone right for you, only to realise he may not be the one. But then, is there someone totally right in the first place? Everyone has their own shortcomings, it only depends on how much you can tolerate and what you can stand. I totally cannot stand a guy who is so whiny and egotistical. Yet I cannot change him because this is who he is. Despite everything, it is my choice whether to continue or to let go.

Letting go because of small issues is not worth it. But letting go because he is so downright scummy and jerky is justifiable. So which decision shall I make now? He can flare up now, and he promised me this would never happen again. But who is to know whether it would happen again? He could shout and scream and demand his way now, who is to say he will not turn violent and hit me the next time round? Do I really want to stick around for that to happen?

People say a relationship and ultimately a marriage is a lifetime of commitment. I always thought commitment means sticking with the person through thick and thin. And I have always adhered to that. Unfortunately, none of the guys I went out with adhered to that. They would come along at the thick, but disappeared at the thin, leaving me to fend for myself.

Since then, I have built a shell around myself, because that is the best defense against heartache. It is not healthy, I know, but what if I meet another scummy man? What then? Do I give the whole of myself only to have my heart broken again? Each time I have my heart broken, I always feel as if a part of myself was torn apart, never to recover. I fear the next time I get my heart broken, I shall never ever recover and go around like a living zombie.

And that is what is happening right now. I cannot believe I still feel heartache and loss. It is supposed to be such a simple decision, yet why am I in two minds about it? Why is this decision so hard to make? Am I still not strong enough, not dedicated enough, not committed enough? Is it not enough that I know what kind of person I want and the kind of person I absolutely cannot tolerate? So what shall I do, really?

Perverts Again!

Just when I thought the perverts have all been caught, in just one week, there are articles on perverts again!

This thirty-six year-old married man had been arrested for taking upstart photos of ladies. He would skulk around some shopping malls, go up the escalator and then take photos and videos of ladies above him, then load the photos and videos in his office computer. How stupid can one get?

Another guy was arrested for hiding in a ladies toilet at a gaming mall at midnight then peeping at a girl when she went to the toilet.

Yet another young guy was arrested for outrage of modesty of some of the girls in his school and when the police searched his room, they found women's sexy lingerie in his possession.

Why are men so sicko? Or rather, why are they stupid enough to get caught? No wonder there are so many perverts nowadays!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Another Pervert!

Why are there so many perverts lately? First there was the case of the local government scholar studying in England getting caught having a fetish for child pornography (apparently some of those were rated four out of five for hardcoreness).

A search into his background indicated he was ever punished back in school for being a peeping Tom when he was caught in the girl's toilet. However the school thought he had been punished, hence decided to give him a second chance, so this was not put on record, which was why he could get the scholarship in the first place. Does it mean as long as your grades are good you can then get away with murder?

Then I was kind of violated on the bus on Monday. And I still have not forgiven DC for just laughing off the matter and teasing me the whole night instead of showing me some care and concern! His girlfriend got violated, for goodness sake! Does he think it is a very funny matter?

Then there was the report yesterday on the male principal of a very prestigious boys' school here, who was suspended but now fired. Apparently he was coming onto a male teacher, who reported him for sexual harassment.

Today I received an article about this guy working in the police force. He took photos of his female colleagues, masturbated to their photos and dropped his semen into their drinks when they were away, and secretly filmed them drinking their drinks mixed with his semen - all during office hours!

Then he was caught trying to take a photo up his colleague's skirt and she managed to wrestle the phone from him and saw the incriminating photos, hence made a report. A search on his harddisk showed the clips he filmed.

In the first place, did the girls not find their drinks looking or tasting funny and still drank the whole thing? In the second place (not that I am condoning his actions), why was he so stupid to do all those in the office and save into his computer, instead of being discreet? Of course he will sure be busted!

So now the psychopaths are government scholars, school principals and police officers. Goodness, what is the world coming to?

And the common factor in these? The perpetrators are all MEN! Am I then right to say that men are bastards and women's problems occur because of men? Come to think of it, if there are no men, perhaps our lives will be much easier and not suffer so much!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Feeling Violated ....

I cannot believe what happened to me yesterday! I was on the bus on the way to claim the kit for the upcoming Standard Chartered Marathon, when I felt someone's fingers stroking my hair from behind. I quickly sat forward, but those fingers moved to my neck and started stroking my neck.

Since it was quitting time, the bus was very crowded hence I could not stand up nor change places. I could only lean forward, feeling uncomfortable since I was sitting at the edge of the seat. The person behind then clasped a piece of paper in his fingers, but his hand never once retracted. I was moving sideways to prevent him from touching me again, and yet every chance he had, he would stroke my hair and neck.

I could scream of course, but the problem was that he was doing it so subtly that there was no proof whatsoever he ever violated or took advantage of me in any way. Yet I felt violated. It was clearly an outrage of modesty, the way his fingers were moving around. There is no reason why he could not put his hands on his lap or on the seat of the bus, instead of putting his hand over to my seat!

Finally he reached his stop, thank goodness! I thought I could finally sit properly again, when he threw that piece of paper he was holding onto my seat before he alighted. Out of curiosity and as proof in case anything happened, I opened the paper and saw his name and his number written on it.

Smart! Very smart! By doing this, I can easily lodge a report since I have his name and number, except in any court of law, there is no proof of any outrage of modesty. It was a crowded bus, people would lean forward and the hand could just slip out in a more comfortable position. I could not even sue!

This is one reason why I hate taking public transport! But what to do, it is the only means of transport I can have, since I am too poor to get my own car, and the guy I am with is not rich enough to get a car too. Unless I stay home everyday and not go out at all, otherwise this is my only mode of moving around for a long time yet.

I really hate men! Why do they think they can just touch a girl and get away with it?! The worst thing is, the guy I am with just laughed it off and kept teasing me about being "attractive to old men" when I told him my ordeal, when all I needed was some comfort and him sticking up for me! What is the use of being with someone if he cannot even protect me?

Being Intimate In Every Sense

For Catholics, there is not supposed to be pre-marital sex. Personally I do think no matter what religion, it is better not to indulge in pre-marital sex. But face it, how many people actually adhere to this? I am not referring to this who blatantly sleep around with just anyone, but for people who are already adults and gone through at least a couple of relationships. I am sure there would be quite a bit of "rolling around in the haystacks".

Having said that, I am still a strong advocate of not having pre-marital sex. It is worth the wait and knowing your partner respects you fully instead of viewing you in a lewd manner is a pretty good feeling.

There are many forms of intimacy. Normally when people talk about "intimacy", most will co-relate that with sex. But intimacy is a wide term. It can range anything from hand-holding, being loving and affectionate, hugging, cuddling, kissing, and even in non-verbal ways like being soft and loving in the tone of voice and in gestures.

Afterall, I do not think one needs actual sex to show love nor to be convinced that the partner loves you. If someone needs sex to feel love, then I would say this person is very insecure, mighty inconsiderate and disrespectful and definitely barking up the wrong tree. I do not take kindly to men who ask for sex the moment they meet a woman, nor to women who think sex is the only way to keep a man.

Still, one must be aware that people are much less conservative in this day and age. Hence it is their own free will what they want to do. I am not one to judge. I just feel if a couple wants to indulge in sexual intimacy, then it should be with someone they truly love and not just any mere person. Sex itself should not be viewed so casually after all.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Lessons From The Engaged Encounter

I am feeling so stressed now! I have one more major project to submit this week before the semester is finally done and I can focus on my examinations, but for some reason I have no idea what to do and how to start the project at all. I am already not doing well this semester as compared to the last, hence I really need to be able to score a decent grade in this project.

To kill stress, I decided to look through again the booklet I got from the recent Engaged Encounter weekend. As I have mentioned, what I am really happy about is that both of us are so in sync with each other, despite answering the discussion questions separately. At least this proves that we are just right for each other.

The Engaged Encounter weekend also clears any doubts about the relationship. I must admit that after what I have been through, I get a tad more cynical about men and relationships in general. At the back of my mind, there is still a voice telling me why would he be different from all the other jerks I have come across? Men are all the same essentially. How different can they function?

From my experience and observations, I kind of concluded that men :

1. Care only about themselves. They make the decision and expect the woman to go along, no questions asked, be it in where to eat, what movie to watch, where to go, what to do. The woman cannot protest.

2. Only believe in themselves and always think a woman's opinion will never be good. In other words, even if the man is wrong, he still thinks he is right and the woman cannot speak her mind or disagree with him.

3. Are mummy's boys. Their mother takes first priority (which is good) but they expect the woman they are with to listen to their mothers too. In other words, between the girlfriend and the mother, the man chooses to listen to the mother and do what the mother does and expect the girlfriend to do the same thing without question.

But to me, I always thought in a relationship or marriage, you put each other first. If the man is so stuck on his mum, he may as well not leave her side and find someone and just spend the rest of his life with his mother. There is a difference between showing respect and filial piety and listening to the mother for every little thing.

4. Are inconsiderate and rude creatures. They just grab the remote and channel surf even when the woman is in the middle of watching the television. Yet when the man reaches his favorite channel, he will continue watching it despite the woman wanting to watch another show. He plays games and throws a tantrum when he loses and expects the woman to serve him food while he is playing.

5. Are chavinistic. They expect the women to serve them, do the housework, cook and clean, takes care of the baby while they just laze around without lifting a finger. Yes they had a tired day, but have they ever considered the woman also had a tired day?

6. Are irresponsible cowards. They can say they like you, want to be with you, but in the end can disappear without a trace without caring for how the woman feels. Why can men just not talk things through and reach a consensus instead of leaving the woman hanging? Why do they think running away resolves everything and still put the blame on the woman for not talking through things with him when the woman herself had no idea why the man disappeared in the first place?

As can be seen, I have developed a negative image of men. Hence when I started this relationship, I did not put in my all. When I put in my all in previous relationships, I got badly hurt, so much so that I ever underwent depression, became suicidal and had to seek counselling.

Even though this may not seem fair to the guy in question, I wanted to observe him. I wanted to see if he is any different from the other guys I have met. So when problems started, especially with his parents, I wanted so much to call it quits a few times.

But something told me to hang on to him. Something told me he is the one, despite the number of times I try to convince myself that he is not the one, that I deserve better. Yet upon observation, despite all his irritating ways and quirks, he is a much better man than the others I have come across.

He cares more for me, for instance. He puts up with my quirks and tantrums. He puts my family first and treats my dog as his most precious. He supports and follows me in the activities I want to do. He even watches chick flicks and read chick lit!

He never lets me feel bad or insulted in front of his parents despite their tirade on how a proper woman should behave, ie she must be submissive, demure, endearing, put the guy and his family first, should not be better than the man, should not be too career-minded, should cook and clean. Other men will tell me to just do what his parents say, but not him. He tells his parents he likes me the way I am and he is not about to change me just because I do not fit into their mould of the type they like.

Despite all these, I still had doubts. It has been very hard to convince me to trust another man completely again. But at the Engaged Encounter, all my doubts are cleared. It is as if this couples retreat reaffirm that there is no one else but him. I can never foresee being with anyone else.

And that is the most important lesson I learnt from the whole weekend. Now after looking through the booklet and the certificate, I have been reaffirmed again that there is no one else for me but him.

Incidentally, the certificate which we got from the weekend as proof of our attendance and participation, he wanted it laminated and preserved. When I asked him why, he said it is such an important piece of paper, of course have to take care of it properly. When I remarked that it is not even a marriage certificate, he said if it is the marriage certificate, it will not just be laminated; it will be framed up to last a lifetime.

Now do I need anymore convincing?

Lessons From Politicians

After the eulogy to our dear Minister Mentor's wife, I have been thinking through some issues. First of all, he is a great man, with a great wife. This is a model couple for everyone. Those interviewed had only wonderful things to say about her, on how she is always thoughtful, caring and considerate to everyone, on how she is a great friend and a wonderful person.

Their partnership in marriage and career seems so perfect. He met her more than sixty years ago, and was attracted to her because she was smarter than him. He married her because she was more capable. She was the one who edited and proof-read his memoirs and speeches. He was not threatened by the fact that she was more capable than him. In fact, the reason he chose her was because she could be the sole breadwinner for the family while he concentrated on his political career.

I remember the advise he gave, "Marry someone your equal or better, so your children can be better." In a way, it is like passing down good genes. I suppose his sons took that advise, because his daughters-in-law are very smart, capable and powerful women in their own rights. More men should take this advise, instead of being threatened that the woman is better or more powerful than him.

In fact, a capable woman will only benefit a man. Our politicians are good examples. Just like one of our late Presidents. His wife was also smart and capable, but also his companion and his confidante. He was also very upset when his wife passed on, during his last few months of presidency.

These are men who are not only smart, capable and powerful, they are great leaders and mentors whom we can look up to. Yet at the same time, they love their wives and families, and have no qualms showing their love to their wives and families. They epitomise the beauty of marriage, commitment and partnership.

How many of us can be like this? Chances are, we run away in times of trouble. We chose the person we want to marry, yet when things do not turn out well, we blame each other and run away. How many women have been repressed by men because men feel threatened over a capable woman?

When is men ever going to believe that a smart, capable and powerful woman can be a good wife and mother too, yet at the same time balance her career and family? Why do men assume that if a woman is capable, she will lord over him and control him and call the shots?

Marriage is a partnership after all. There is no one who should be "better" than the other. It is how both parties work together to get along, to be each other's best friends, soul mates, confidantes and companions.

We should take a leaf out of our politicians. They run the country, yet at the same time realise that the fundamental root of anybody is to have a happy family. After all, if one cannot manage one's family life, how to run an entire country?

"Curiosity Kills The Cat"

Has any of you guys ever experience those situations when your girlfriend or wife starts behaving mysteriously? Wonder how do the guys react? Do they get all insecure and demand that their girlfriends or wives tell them what is going on, or do they just let it be because they trust their girlfriends or wives that something good is brewing?

My dear had been badgering me to watch "Resident Evil" for a very long time. He had watched all the previous instalments, and now the newest instalment is out in 3D. Personally, this is not my kind of show. I have watched one of the instalments before and do not like it. So I told him, this is one show which I am NOT going to watch, no matter what he says.

But then later on, I thought, well, it is just a movie. It will cost me nothing much to watch a movie. Afterall, it will make him happy, so why not? But I did not let on that I would be willing to watch with him. I made it seem that I am still totally against the show. However, I checked out the appropriate timings in advance and booked tickets in a bid to surprise him.

We are supposed to be meeting friends for a steamboat lunch tomorrow. I told him to go ahead first while I would meet them later. He got all flustered and anxious, asking me where I would be going and what I would be doing. Of course, I could not tell him I would be going to collect the tickets. It was meant to be a surprise.

So I jokingly said I would be having a rendezvous with someone else. He then got all insecure and whiny and accused me of hiding things from him and whatnot. Finally, to stop him from pestering me, I had to let the cat out of the bag.

And so, because of his actions, now the surprise is gone. I have a good mind not to watch the show anymore, because he does not trust me at all! When he found out, he quickly apologised and said it would never happen again, but now the surprise is gone, no use doing anything else.

Hence, when a woman starts acting mysterious, please do not panic! She is probably planning a surprise for the man she loves. If he is going to start being emotional and not trust her, the relationship will be so boring and predictable!

As the saying goes, curiosity kills the cat. So trust your woman and do not be so insecure! Be a man that takes charge and knows you are with someone you can trust completely, otherwise, what is the use of being in a relationship if you start questioning her whenever she goes something unorthodox?

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

The Gender Debate

It was an interesting night. I met a friend and we went to Garuda Padang Cuisine for dinner. (For a more detailed post, please go to our food blog.) Before that, I had an interesting discussion on gender equality with my guy.

What he brought up is rather interesting. He says in general, Asian guys are more chauvinistic, as they probably grow up in a family where the father is strong and the mother more meek, so they kind of expect their woman to also be like their mothers - meek, submissive and accommodating.

Hence, my kind of upbringing and character will turn a lot of men off, since I grow up with a mum who has all the characteristics of an Eagle, and a dad who has all the characteristics of a Dove. Besides, in my family (including extended), it is the women who are smarter, better-educated, more capable. I am already the black sheep.

1. Asian men like the woman to go to them. For instance, in a social setting, the man can mingle with the people, but he expects the woman to go over to him, just stand there next to him like a vase and not contribute to the conversation. In other words, he wants the woman to just be there.

My comment to that : If the man is mingling around, why can the woman not mingle around? Why must she stand next to him like a vase? It is a social setting, it makes more sense if she herself mingles too! If the man is needed, the woman can always go to him. Similarly, if the woman is needed, the man can always call out to her or go to her. And if the man is so insecure that he throws tantrums just because the woman does not go to him, then he is not worth it!

2. Asian men do not like outspoken women. They expect the women to just agree to whatever they say. They want their way and the woman should just follow and not question.

My comment : Just because one is a female, it does not mean she has no opinions of her own. Nowadays, women are getting more and more educated. Many are even more educated and capable than their male counterparts. If a woman has any brains, she will definitely has her own say and opinion on things. So why can she not agree to disagree? That is what communication is all about - two way, discussion and compromise, and not just one-way and follow.

3. Asian men like a woman who can cook and clean and takes care of them.

My comment : Yes, it is a bonus if a woman can cook and clean. A woman who loves her husband and home will always want to take care of the man by serving him. But it should not be imposed upon her. I absolutely hate the scenario where the woman slaves away in the kitchen while her husband plays games and generally laze around without lifting a finger to help with the housework, and yet still complains why the meal is not on time and talks bad about her cooking.

Nowadays, women hold demanding full-time jobs too. Sometimes she can be higher-ranking than the men. Sometimes her work can be more intense. So why must she still be the one who goes home, cleans the house, cooks, takes care of the kids, and the man can just go home, laze around and generally do nothing? Do they think the woman is not as tired? Just like a man likes a woman to take care of him, the woman also likes a man to take care of her and treats her like a "little woman".

Having said that, there are also women I know who cannot cook, do not intend to learn and absolutely hate and have no interest in cooking. It is their husbands who do the cooking and cleaning and serve them. If a woman ever has this kind of man, she really should grab, treasure and not let go. That is why I always love a man who can cook, but unfortunately, this is not the case. Luckily he never once expects me to cook and clean and serve him!

4. Asian men are put off by a smart and capable woman. They get scared when the woman is higher educated, earns more and is higher-ranking than the man.

My comment : Again, if the man is that insecure that he cannot take a smart and capable woman, then he is not worth the time!

5. Asian men tend to listen to their mothers and like the women to be able to gain their mother's approval. For instance, if a guy brings home a girl whom he deems perfect, the moment his mother says something, he will suddenly find all kinds of flaws in the girl (be it justifiable or not), and often just dumps her if his mother dislikes her. He likes the woman and the mother to be close.

My comment : If the man expects the woman to be like his mother, then please just go marry his mother! The thing is, no two women are alike. A man cannot expect that the mate he finds will be totally the same as his mother. Besides, a different generation has a different thinking from the older generation. Does it mean to say, if they get married, and the mother insists on going along on their honeymoon, he will then bring his parents along?

I believe most parents are easy to get along, and most girls have no problems getting along with anyone else's parents. But it becomes tricky when the parents are sticky and over-protective. They start putting down the girl, saying she is not good for him, saying she is too highly educated or too lowly-educated, that she is after him for his money, or she is only playing with his feelings.

When that happens, then what? Dump the girl just because his parents say so? Then he is pretty stupid, is it not? In this case, he may as well just ask his parents to find him a girl since no matter which girl he brings back, she will never be approved by his parents!

If he is a real man, he will know how to stand up and fight for the woman he loves. I love that scene in the "Joy Luck Club" movie where the guy actually told his mother off for insulting the girl he loves. That is the trait of a real man, and not a mummy's boy!

The thing is, if the man fulfils all these five things above (woman go to him and stand next to him at social gatherings, agrees to everything he says and does everything according to his way, cooks, cleans and serves him and are of lower-ranking, lower earning power and lower educated, and listens to his parents by dumping a girl they dislike), then he is considered a man.

Since when did being a man entails putting down a woman? Being a man is not because of how powerful he is, how many women he conquered, how he can make a woman submit to him totally and serve him fully, how much of a mummy's boy he is, but because of his actions.

If a man is so insecure that he needs a "lesser" woman to make him feel good, or that his parents words are the be all and end all, then I do not think he is worthy enough to be called a man. Just like he can be so powerful and controlling to a woman, yet when she has problems and needs him around, he refuses to be around or runs away, then he is also not worthy to be called a man.

Similarly, if a guy is deemed as being "controlled" by a woman just because he gives in to her, he has no issues over her being better off or more educated or in a better career than him, does not care how his parents feel about her, and is always around whenever she needs him, he is actually more of a man than any other man, because he knows how to treat a woman right and knows how to comfort her when she is down, much better than those men who think they are so good but actually run away from responsibilities.

Having said that, just because a woman is powerful, capable, smart, career-oriented and whatnot, it does not make her any less of a woman. All these do not make a woman, it is the actions. She can be all these yet still be totally family-oriented, able to cook and clean (if she chooses to) and treats the man well.

There are those women who are so whiny, submissive and knows how to pander to a man's ego, but in the end they are totally inept at anything else save batting her eyelashes and flirting with men and have affairs with just about any sugar daddy she can find.

So which of these are more man, and which of these are more women? I still think it is the actions, and not the character, that make up the gender, but one is free to disagree!

A Soccer "Widow"?

What is it with men and soccer? Now that it is the middle of the World Cup season, I still do not understand what it is about a round checkerboard ball that keeps so many people in the world crazy for it, to the extent of killing for it.

Personally I have not watched any game. I cannot be bothered to stay up or wake up just to watch a soccer game. I am not adverse towards football nor against it; I just do not see why people get so hyped up about over men kicking balls.

But I am in a family where soccer is the number one preferred sport for the guys. My brothers root for Manchester United whereas my guy claims to be a full-time Arsenal and part-time Liverpool fan. Needless to say, there have always been shouting matches (at the television set, not at each other) when all are watching soccer together.

Now with the biggest sporting event, it is an intensive shouting match. Each supports a different team and each has his own preference who to win. All day long, I see nothing but people checking results, hearing talk on soccer and speculation on the big final.

Hence this period of time, nothing else exists for men. Even if I can suddenly lose ten kilograms and parade in front of them in a sexy bikini and their focus still will be on the ball game.

Sigh ... There is nothing else for me to do except to wait for the big finals and that four years will not fly by so soon!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

What Constitutes A Mature Man?

A conversation with a friend got me thinking. We were talking about both of us preferring mature (not old) men and whether men mature later than ladies when she came up with this question, "How can you tell if a man is mature enough?"

I was stumped. Yet off my head I could tell her my own definition of what a mature man is like based on my own observations. After that she said she is impressed and agree totally.

That got me thinking, what I brought up seem true. I have observed those who are still single (hence generally more "immature") and those who are married (so generally more "mature") and I must say, the points I brought up are not that far wrong.

So what constitutes a mature man? To me, I think maturity lies in a man's physical and mental actions.

Imagine two men in front of you, both attracted to you. One behaves like a gentleman and treats you nicely. He is reliable and trustworthy and puts you first. He is full of respect for you.

The other one only wants to get you in bed and tries all kinds of ways to achieve what he wants, without caring what you want. He does not respect you at all.

Now if you are a lady looking for a real serious relationship, which man would you go for? Chances are you will go for the first one. Why? Because the way he behaves shows his maturity.

To me, I feel if a man is mature enough, he will know how to behave towards a woman on the physical front. He will know how to control himself and not go on and on about how horny and unsatisfied he is. He will treat a lady with respect and not treat her like a sex object. A real mature man will know he loves the woman for who she is and not just the physical aspect.

The other measure of a man's maturity is in his mental behaviour. Now imagine there are three men in front of you, all three who passed the first round of "physical maturity".

The first goes around griping, complaining, and blaming the whole world for his problems. He takes things very personally and gets ultra sensitive about everything. He avoids or runs away whenever there are problems. He interrogates the girl whenever she talks on the phone or talks to other guys, he could go as far as follow her home and stalk her so as to ensure no other guy goes near her.

The second has many female friends and each week he will go out with a different girl to "test the water". He is fun-loving and will bring his dates to all the nice and exciting places. He knows how to treat a lady well. But he never dates seriously and prefers just enjoying life going out with different girls.

The third is not as fun-loving as the second man. He is more serious. He may not know sweet words to win a girl's heart. He can be totally square with a corny sense of humour. But he trusts the girl and lets her do what she pleases. He never runs away from problems and faces them headlong. He is just a typical, simple, boring man.

Again, if you are looking for a serious relationship, which man would you choose? I daresay there is a high chance a woman will choose the third man.

The first is too whiny, insecure and self-centred. Normally men like these play double standards. Whatever they did not allow the girl to do, they would go ahead and do on their own, like going out and talking to female friends and expect the girlfriend not to say anything.

So this kind of man is out of bounds as he is not emotionally mature. Why must we end up being with a man just to create more problems for ourselves by being his second mother?

The second type is one that may never settle down. He just likes playing the field. In this way, he is also not emotionally mature as he is not ready and willing to settle down yet. These are the men who can be good boyfriends. They give a very good time on a date. But they may never progress beyond that stage. Chances are if the girl asks for more commitment, the relationship will then be off.

This kind of men are out of bounds too. Yes, they can be good friends but this is it. A woman should never attempt to be romantically involved with a man like that unless she is willing to end in a broken heart. Furthermore she may end up waiting or dragging on, and honestly, as a woman, how many years can we actually afford to lose and waste over non-committal men?

Now comes to the third type. He is secure and confident. He trusts the girl and does not kick up a fuss even if she meets up with her guy friends. He is yearning to settle down. He meets a lady, falls for her and remains faithful for life.

This is the kind of man that is emotionally mature and the kind a woman should look for if she is looking for a serious relationship.

I think I have covered about all bases. Please note that this is not a psychology or social study; it is just based on my own observations and experiences on guys I have dated, guys I came across and guy friends I have, as well as a general observation on the kind of men ladies around my age look for.

Of course different people look for different kinds of qualities, but I believe if the man is both physically and emotionally mature (in my descriptions), then I believe I am not too far off in my observations.

So for those men who are looking for serious relationships and still not finding any, perhaps it is time for a reflection whether you are "mature" enough to attract a lady?

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Top 10 Traits Men Look For In Women

In my previous post, I touched on the top ten traits women look for in men. To clarify, the traits are what women look for in a marriageable partner, not just a fling. So now, I will touch on the same study on the top ten traits men look for in a partner, as in a marriageable partner.

1. Mutual Attraction and Love
Above all, men want to marry a woman they love and are attracted to. While this may seem like a given, the “love marriage” is a modern development. Men started ranking this trait at No. 1 just a couple of decades ago, in the mid-1980s. Earlier in the 20th century, dependability, emotional maturity and a pleasing disposition ranked higher than love. Now, both men and women are marrying for love first and foremost, and marriages have become unions of passion, friendship, support and mutual attraction.

2. Dependable Character
Throughout the 20th century a woman's dependable character has been a top priority for men, who ranked it at No. 1 as far back as 1939. Like women, men want a life partner who will be trustworthy, faithful and reliable. They want a wife who will stand by their side and, considering divorce rates, it's no surprise that dependability would continue to be attractive.

3. Emotional Stability and Maturity Both men and women consistently cite emotional stability and maturity as one of the most attractive traits in a potential spouse. While men often fall victim to the stereotype of prioritizing physical attraction, when it comes to a potential wife, they want a woman who is grounded and secure in herself. Women also place maturity at No. 3 on their lists of good-husband material.

4. Education and Intelligence
A woman's education and intelligence are more attractive to men than ever before. This characteristic has been steadily climbing the ranks of men's desires for decades, up from No. 11 in 1939. Now that women are receiving 60% of college degrees and are half of the workforce, men are looking for women who are both intelligent and educated--or in other words, more accomplished and interesting than ever.

5. Pleasing Disposition
Men place a potential wife's pleasing disposition at No. 5 and have included it in their top-five traits since the 1930s. On the other hand, women in recent years are less likely to prioritize a man's pleasing disposition. Until recently, women consistently ranked it at No. 4, but it currently appears as No. 7.

6. Sociability
Both men and women rank sociability at No. 6 on their lists of mate preferences. And for both sexes, it has been steadily moving up the list from around No. 12 in 1939. Because today's married couples are more likely to be friends and have mutual circles of friends, it makes sense that this has become a more attractive characteristic.

7. Good Health
Men look for good health in a potential wife, but it is slightly less important to them today than it was in the past. In the 1930s and again in the 1970s, they ranked a woman's health at No. 5. They are smart to rank it fairly high on their marriage-material list. Both sexes are living well into their 70s, and often older, making good health a predictor of a long-lasting marriage.

8. Good Looks
Women's looks have become increasingly important to men over the years. The trait has jumped up seven spots, from No. 15 in 1956. (Looks did not make the top 10 list of what women want in a husband, but it has become more important to them over time too--jumping from No. 18 to No. 12). Perhaps because modern marriages are more likely based on love and attraction rather than practicalities (like wealth or status), physical attractiveness is more desirable.

[Ed: Why am I not surprised? Men are still visual creatures, but not everyone is born good-looking! Fortunately, women have the right to dress up and look good, hence the attraction factor will up a bit.]

9. Desire for Home and Children
A woman's desire for home and children has become less attractive to men over time. In 1939, men ranked it at No. 6. As women have increasingly achieved similar levels of education and career status, men may have begun to perceive them as more equal partners. How to divide the labor of home and work isn't as obvious as it was to their grandparents' generation.

10. Ambition and Industriousness
Despite the pervasive stereotype that men are intimidated by ambitious women, men rank this trait ahead of others like refinement, being a good cook and having similar religious backgrounds. While it's not high on their list (No. 10 out of 18), it is clear that men find a woman's drive, determination and energy attractive qualities in a life partner.

Hence this concludes the study. Surprisingly, men and women are generally looking for the same kinds of traits. But I guess it is rather common sensical, is it not? Afterall, in modern society, women are no longer subject to their husbands' whims and fancies (even though some people still claim women should submit to the men), and men no longer marry a baby machine. Nowadays couples are more equal in terms of education, intelligence, job prospects, earning power, etc.

Thus, the partners each gender looks for are now more compatible and equal in all these aspects, instead of the man expecting the woman to submit and the woman expecting the man to provide. Although in general, the man is still the head of the household, so they still provide the bigger share of the expenses and the woman still takes charge of the bigger share of the household chores and children's well-being.

In the twenty-first century, men and women no longer marry just for love, but also for companionship and partnership. In other words, the person we marry is someone whom we can actually look forward to spending the rest of our lives with, and not just to fulfil our sexual or material aspects or our desire to have a family.

Because forty years later when the children have grown and we have retired, it will just be two of us facing each other. Without love, commitment and companionship, no marriage will ever last that long.

Three's A Crowd

Two's company, three's a crowd. Or so the saying says. In the past couple of weeks, there is some "big" news going around on how a prominent media figure here cheated on his wife with a girl his daughter's age, and the girl went to the house and confronted the wife. Upon digging, it was found that he could have or had sexually harassed or made advances to eleven other girls around that age.

Actually, it is his own personal affair. Yes, he had an affair, yes, he deserved to be cursed at, yes, his wife was the victim. But why blow it all up? Perhaps there are no other sensational news around, hence everyday, the newspapers carry front page tales on how many girls he had and their stories.

Perhaps the girls in question take this opportunity to find some fame. Afterall, if one is suddenly in the limelight, many other opportunities come knocking. But how long can this last? A year? But someone's reputation and career will go downhill. You chose to be with him, you know he is married, so when things start happening, why turn so bitter? There is no need to ruin someone else's life.

I know I am not the best person to say this, but precisely because I have been through similar situations, hence I know how it is like. If you are the "other woman" so to speak, no one will pity you. People will judge you and label you a house breaker. Despite the fact that the guy can talk ten to the dozen that he is single and he only loves you and no one else, the woman still gets the blame.

I always wonder why? Why must the woman be the one to bear the brunt of the guy's infidelity? If he did not make advances to her, making her fall for him, none of the mess would have happen. Do people think most of us are born to be sluts? We are also brought up knowing what to do what not to do, but when the men are the ones who cheat and create the mess, why can they get away scot-free and the woman the one to get blamed?

Still, that is not to say you have every right to confront the wife and ruin the whole family. What was essentially a matter between two parties, become now a matter of three parties and the world. Is that really necessary?

That is why for a long period of time I tend not to trust men anymore. How would I know their real status? Men can hide their status and think no one will find out. Some are attached, some married with kids, yet they go around claiming they are single, behaving as if they really are single. Afterall, if one has a family, how could he then have so much time to spend with you?

I am not saying the woman is not at fault. If she knows he is married or attached, then do not step in and try to break others up. But what if she does not know? What if the man lies about his status? What if the man has a wife, and mistress, and still fools around? In this case, if the girl is not in the know, is she really to be blamed?

Precisely because the girl is always the one who is blamed which is why she is the one under more scrutiny and finger-pointing, and the scumbug of a man thinks he can get away scot-free since no one will blame him. What rubbish! Most troubles occur because the men go fooling around and have fun and think they can get away with it!

The Odd Oddball

I do not know why I seem to be prone to meeting weird people. Somehow the kinds of people, guys especially, that I have met are odd in their own ways. So I despaired of ever finding a normal guy. I was prepared to give up and just stay single. But then again, I thought my dear was a weirdo too (he still is in some ways) when I first met him, and he did not turn out too bad in the end!

In any case, I do not really have a good impression of local Chinese guys. Those I know are either chauvinistic, autocratic, whiny, childish, mummy's boys or lacking in social graces.

Ok not just Chinese guys, local guys in general. I am not sure if it is due to the comfortable lifestyle we have that many local guys nowadays are too spoilt, throw tempers and think perverse thoughts if things do not go their way, or just not willing to strive and be stuck where they are.

That is why for a period of time I much rather prefer hanging out with foreigners as they give me a better impression than locals. I am not saying all foreigners are good or that all locals are bad, but somehow the ones I have met happen to be this case.

Luckily the weirdos I met have decreased and the more normal and decent people I have met have increased. I have a great group of fun-loving and nice friends whom we hang out with sometimes.

Hence when I come across the odd oddballs nowadays, I am more amused and bemused than anything else.

We all have our own quirks, some more than others, but this guy I know takes the cake! I am not the only one who finds him repulsive, the few times he joined my friends for outings, everyone also found him weird and requested never to invite him again!

The first time I met him was at a party I gave at my place last year. We did not talk much but after that, he sent me an email asking if I would like to attend the Cats musical.

Since I wanted to watch the musical, I agreed. Then he sent me another email, saying he had bought the tickets. If I could not make it that day, I could ask any of my other girl friends to replace and he would not ask them to pay. Whereas for me, it is up to me whether I wanted to pay as he "is a nice guy".

Nearing the day of the concert, he asked about dinner. Since he already paid for the tickets, I thought to pay for the dinner. So he suggested Tony Romas. I had a full lunch that day so I said I would not be eating much. He then ordered a seafood platter for four when there were only two of us.

He just ate and ate. When he could not finish, he actually asked the waitress to put the leftovers in a bag and he brought the food along into the theatre!

I could hardly believe it! The meal cost me S$98.00 but the cost is not the issue. The issue is that why must he order so much food when there were only two of us? And he packed the food into the theatre?

Besides, I did not know whether was it because I said I would buy dinner, hence the expensive meal? For normal people, if anyone is to buy me dinner, even if we pick a nice place, I would not order so much food or such an expensive meal. Not that I am being calculative but one does not take advantage of others like that. None of my friends do that even when I buy them a meal!

When we went into the musical, during the intermission, he asked how I would be going home. I told him it was the intermission hence I was not going home yet. He looked surprised that the concert was not over yet.

When the musical ended, he scooted off immediately without even saying goodbye as he wanted to catch the last bus, leaving me to walk ten minutes to the train station to go home.

A few weeks later he asked me for a movie. Since I happened to be free I agreed. After that he sent me a message, saying he had booked the tickets so since he would be paying for the show, why not I treat him to ice cream? I felt a bit disgusted after reading that. I have no qualms treating him but why must he make it sound as if I am obligated and must get him ice cream just because he got the tickets?

The day of the movie I was held up and told him to proceed with lunch first. When I reached the venue I met him at a shop where he was staring at fish on the big screen.

He told me he had not had lunch yet as he was waiting for me. So we went to a little cafe for lunch where I realised he chose that place because he had a voucher for a free meal.

After the meal he reminded me of the ice cream treat and brought me to Swensen's, but there was a private function that day. So we proceeded to Ben & Jerry's but it also had a private function.

Yet he still insisted on the ice cream and we went to Haagen Daz. He then ordered an ice cream set that cost S$24.00 and ate all up on his own, every bit on his plate!

I felt so disgusted! When we went into the movie I discovered he bought seats on the first row at the side, without even asking if the seats are ok. Who in the world will buy front row aisle seats in a cinema? Needless to say I had a sore neck after the show.

After that when he asked me for a show again, I told him I was watching already. When he asked again, I said the same thing. I did this partly because I was really watching the show already but also because I really did not enjoy his company.

Then he asked me, why did I not let him know I was already watching the show and why did I not ask him for movies anymore? That kind of riled me. Who in the world does he think he is that I must tell him what I do and only ask him for movie?! Does he own me that I cannot ask anyone else?!

My friends could not stand him as well. One movie outing we went on, someone bought popcorn for everyone. The guy sitting next to him later remarked he just took one big basket of popcorn all to himself and did not even offer to anyone. After the show, he just disappeared without saying bye to anyone as he needed to catch the bus before it was too late. Does he even know there is such a thing as a Night Rider and Night Owl services that cover all areas from eleven thirty to five in the morning?

Another time a group of us had a seafood dinner and durian outing. This weirdo kept saying it was his birthday. To me, it is no big deal disclosing your birthday but why do it in such a showy and expectant way?

So during the dinner, he asked if he could order bamboo clams as a birthday treat. It is fine with me since it was his birthday so I ordered for him.

When the food came, the guys said to let the ladies take the food first. So we girls took turns in taking the food on the lazy susie.

When it came to me, I was just taking some vegetables. Before my chopsticks even left the dish, suddenly that weirdo's chopsticks swooped in and he took a big chunk of vegetables from the same dish and just started eating.

I was so angry! Firstly it was so rude to just take when someone else had not finished taking. Secondly it was even ruder to take such a big chunk and start eating when the rest only took small chunks and waiting for everyone else. Thirdly it was so ungentlemanly to take first when everyone agreed to let the ladies take first!

What was the ultimate was that when his order of bamboo clams arrived, he ate up everything without leaving any for anyone else. And he did not even offer to pay for that dish! Yes I know it was his birthday and all but it was still no excuse not to have basic table manners!

When we finished dinner and went on to eat durians, he ate up all the seeds of the durian nearest to him when everyone else shared the durians amongst themselves!

Everyone was so angry with him that they specially requested not to invite him for any outing ever again!

So we never contacted him again. I thought I was finally rid of him until he suddenly messaged me two weeks back, asking if the evening show on 14 February or the morning show on 15 February would be better for me.

In the first place, since when have I even agreed to watch a show with him? In the second place, those dates are Lunar New Year, no one would be free. Surely he should know that, being a Chinese himself!

So I said it's Chinese New Year, I will not be free. Then a few days back, he messaged me again, saying he would book tickets for 16 February. He did not even deem to ask if I would be free or if I even want to meet him in the first place!

I told him 16th is still New Year period, so still not free. I thought finally he would get the message when this morning, I received another message from him, wishing me happy Valentine's Day (not Happy New Year) and said he would proceed to book tickets for the 16th today.

I was so angry! Which part of my messages did he not understand? I sent a message and told him off, saying he is not my valentine, that I am not free on the 16th, that I hate people who just make decisions for me without telling me and just assume I will go along.

Just who does this guy think he is?! Even my boyfriend never makes any decisions without telling me first. Whatever decisions he have, he always tells me or we discuss together. He does not assume I am free or take for granted I will definitely do as he asks.

That weirdo never replied after that. Hopefully he will never reply or contact me again! Good riddance! Oh and did I mention another big turn off is his body odour?

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