Lilypie

Monday, January 31, 2011

Of Men And Their Egos

What is it about men and their egos? Honestly, why do they have to keep emphasising they are men so they cannot do this or that, or because they are men, so they should do this or that, and because I am a woman, so it is ok for me to do this or that? Does it make a difference nowadays which gender you are to do anything, most of all God's work? Must one even calculate what you want to do as long as it is for God? In the first place, if one does not contribute for God and for oneself, then the whole mentality and priority is wrong, and people like these should really re-examine themselves what their value systems are in the first place.

What I really, absolutely, truly, cannot tolerate is men who think they lord over the women, and just because they are upset, the whole world have to be upset with them, and because they are angry with this and that, the partner (woman) also have to cut off all ties and contact too. Who does he think he is? The woman has her own life and decision too! If what she is doing is right, why must she give up just to pander to a man's whims and fancies? If he is so insecure, it is his own problem! Do not blame the whole world for your own insecurities!

Sometimes when things do not go one's way, maybe it is not the time yet, or maybe something better is coming, or maybe some tests have to be put through first. But do men consider these? NOOOOOOOO..... They think as long as things do not go their way, it means the whole world has gone against them, which means the woman herself should also be angry with the whole world just because the men think the whole world is against him. Why do I always come across men like that? And people say older men are more mature? What nonsense!

Sometimes you thought you found someone right for you, only to realise he may not be the one. But then, is there someone totally right in the first place? Everyone has their own shortcomings, it only depends on how much you can tolerate and what you can stand. I totally cannot stand a guy who is so whiny and egotistical. Yet I cannot change him because this is who he is. Despite everything, it is my choice whether to continue or to let go.

Letting go because of small issues is not worth it. But letting go because he is so downright scummy and jerky is justifiable. So which decision shall I make now? He can flare up now, and he promised me this would never happen again. But who is to know whether it would happen again? He could shout and scream and demand his way now, who is to say he will not turn violent and hit me the next time round? Do I really want to stick around for that to happen?

People say a relationship and ultimately a marriage is a lifetime of commitment. I always thought commitment means sticking with the person through thick and thin. And I have always adhered to that. Unfortunately, none of the guys I went out with adhered to that. They would come along at the thick, but disappeared at the thin, leaving me to fend for myself.

Since then, I have built a shell around myself, because that is the best defense against heartache. It is not healthy, I know, but what if I meet another scummy man? What then? Do I give the whole of myself only to have my heart broken again? Each time I have my heart broken, I always feel as if a part of myself was torn apart, never to recover. I fear the next time I get my heart broken, I shall never ever recover and go around like a living zombie.

And that is what is happening right now. I cannot believe I still feel heartache and loss. It is supposed to be such a simple decision, yet why am I in two minds about it? Why is this decision so hard to make? Am I still not strong enough, not dedicated enough, not committed enough? Is it not enough that I know what kind of person I want and the kind of person I absolutely cannot tolerate? So what shall I do, really?

0 comments:

Post a Comment

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...