Date A Girl Who Travels, Reads And Writes

I came across an interesting article yesterday on Julie's Facebook page on dating a girl who travels, which I agree thoroughly! Today I went to search for the actual article, and here it is! What is mentioned in the article is so true, because someone who travels has an open mind, a broad horizon and a thirst to see the world. He or she knows that the world is not confined to just the four walls of the bedroom, but the world is much bigger than anyone's mind can ever imagine.

 

After this, I came across two more articles, Date A Girl Who Reads, and Date A Girl Who Writes. If you date a girl who reads, your life will be all the more colourful. If you date a girl who writes, your life will be all the more beautiful.

 

Are these articles not just true? A girl who travels, who reads, who writes, who is always dreaming up scenarios after scenarios, who is always lost in her world of stories and creations. Her horizon is so wide and imagination so unlimited that she will bring you to a world of beauty, colour, and things you have never imagined before.

 

Personally, I will definitely date a guy who travels, reads and writes (not in any particular order), because these are the few things I am really passionate about. I cannot imagine my life without reading, writing and travelling. These are the things that just help increase my knowledge and improve my quality of life.

 

So for men who are willing, do date a girl who reads, writes and travels. You will enter a world you may never have imagined!

Dating Vouchers, Anyone?

Last week, there was news about government-accredited matchmaking agencies promoting dating vouchers as Christmas promotions. Essentially, we can get dating vouchers at a good price, to be used to offset any social events or packages we like to sign up in any of the accredited agencies. These vouchers can also be given away to others.

 

This creates an uproar. Some people feel it is downright insulting that we have to be offered dating vouchers, especially those who are happy being single and feel it is just the government butting into their business. It is a choice of life afterall, do singles really have to be ostracised and discriminated, and being pointed at for being single?

 

I cannot say for others, but personally, it is never my choice to be single. The earliest dream I have, which I have yet to fulfil, is to marry a nice guy, have a good family, raise up my children, and dedicate my time teaching them the right things. This dream has still not faded. In fact, it is even stronger in me, and no matter how old I am, I still hope against hope this can ever come true.

 

I have also talked to many people I know, and most of them did say they do not want to be single, but just cannot find someone, or rather, even if find someone, the guy can be such a big jerk. Even the men, many of them are not single by choice, but they just feel they cannot find a girl to be with.

 

So with this kind of mentality, is it necessary to shove dating vouchers at their faces, reminding them that it is NOT okay to be single? That something must be wrong with these people, that is why they are still single?

 

The female friends I know are smart, established, mature and have beautiful souls. They are also well-maintained and eloquent. These are all very good qualities. Unfortunately, these ladies often meet shallow men who are turned off by their intelligence and success.

 

The male friends I know are also smart, established, high-flying jobs and are gentlemanly. They are sociable and cheery. Again, these are all very good qualities. Unfortunately, these men often meet ladies who have no romantic chemistry whatsoever with themselves.

 

So is it really so hard to find someone suitable that our government has to resort to dating vouchers to encourage people to date? And many people I know do go for dating packages and social events, me included, but somehow nothing ever progresses out of there. Does the number of dating vouchers and price really help then?

 

From what I have learnt, sometimes the harder you try, the worst things become. It is like Murphy's Law, you will never meet someone if you keep expecting to meet someone. Rather, the right person can come anytime, anywhere, anyhow, at the most unexpected times. I have seen this myself in several examples, from my friends to my own cousins, where they met their other halves so unexpectedly that it was really a fairytale story that every girl dreams about.

 

So there is still hope out there. Most important is to always hold on to the hope and never lose hope. I am sure each and everyone of us can find someone wherever and whenever, but we just have to open our hearts and accept whoever God or destiny arranges for us and make things work out instead of being picky and perfect.

 

Here's wishing everyone best of luck for finding their one true love!

The Dating Quiz IQ

I came across this and did it for fun. Rather surprised at the results though, but happy that finally, I have achieved that stage! :-p

My score - 22

How To Score The What’s Your Dating IQ? Quiz:

Scoring the What’s Your Dating IQ? Quiz is a lot like the regular IQ test, the higher the score, the higher your dating IQ! Each false answer is worth 2 points. The more points, the more confident you are in yourself and the greater your clarity about what you want in a relationship. Use this quiz as a springboard to commit yourself to getting the mate you want by making sure you are ready, open, available and alert!

22-30 Points You’re secure in yourself as a woman, in touch with your feminine energy, know your way around the dating scene and aren’t easily taken in by what men say. What are you waiting for? Get out there - you are more than ready!

11-21 Points You are a mix of confidence and clarity, coupled with some habits that could detract from a good dating experience. To improve your opportunities, think about what you might do to open your heart a little more and connect with your femininity. It might be time to get a bit more educated about what works with men, as well as reassess what’s acceptable, what you won’t tolerate, and how you want to be treated.

0-10 Points You might be a tad more closed off than you realize. To shift your attitude and ability to meet a good man, spend some quality time working on your inner self. Consider methods to open your heart to love and rekindle your feminine nature. Learn what works with men and get clear on what you really want in a loving relationship. You might think about being a bit more discriminating, rather than simply accepting any man who crosses your path or pursues you.

Fun Singles Events To Look Forward To ....

This week is Valentine’s Week, and the various matchmaking / dating agencies have come together to organize some fun activities for singles. I have kind of lost count on the number of advertisements I receive. But I will be going for two of them.

First up is the Revel event this Friday. Initially it was just my friend and I who signed up together, but since he can only come in later, we will not be going together. Then I heard another one of our friends have signed up, so she and I may be going together. A new friend I got to know a few weeks back will also be going, but he will be going in a group organized by one of the dating agencies.

Then the BeDazzled Glittering Gold Gala dinner on Saturday. Initially there was a conference on Friday leading up to the dinner, but since the conference had been cancelled, I was asked if I wanted a one to one date or a refund, so I chose the latter. It seems more cost-effective to have a refund, since the one to one date may not even cost the same as what I paid for the conference!

Which kind of conveniences me, because I was intending to take leave on Friday to attend the conference. But if I am to take leave, then I would have used up one more day. My leave is very precious. I rather use it up one shot to go for a longer holiday than to take bit by bit in order to clear. With the conference cancelled, I can still go to work as per normal, then go to The Arena later on in the night.

Which only leaves the question of what am I going to wear on Friday night? Yes, the question every girl asks herself, whether single or attached. No matter how long she is with a guy, how the guy says he loves her for who she is not what she looks like, she will still want to ensure she is well-dressed and appropriate for the occasion.

I have already prepared what I intend to wear on Saturday. As for Friday, I am thinking of wearing a tube dress, not the one I wore for Chinese New Year, but a black one with floral prints. And boots of course. Maybe the knee-length boots.

The last two time I actually went to a club (Zouk and St James), I wore a red tube dress with a matching scarf and my old mid-calf boots, and a black sleeveless toga dress with the same boots. After that the heels of the boots fell out and I had to retire them.

In any case, I have up to Thursday night to decide. Time for some wardrobe cleaning again!

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REVEL - Where Ladies Call The Shots!

I received an advertisement on this event, where ladies go in for drinks first, then men will stream in later and approach the ladies for drinks. Like a reversal of the normal dating game. Normally I shun all these meetings in clubs or lounges, as my impression is that the guys there are just out to hope they can get lucky or trying to see who can indulge in one night stands. But the revel event looks interesting, and it is all for fun, so if I come across any undesirable men, there are still plenty more to choose from! :-p

In any case, my friend and I have signed up for the event. We figured we could just join in the fun then "rescue" each other if our "dates" are not enjoyable. Besides, since this is organised by the few dating agencies around, I suppose the quality of people there should be better than those dubious ones I have met. Hopefully I meet only good quality people and not irritants!

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Every Vote Counts!

This is rather embarrassing, but I have been “nominated” to be in the running for the “Most BeDazzling Single” at the Bedazzled Gala Dinner next month. If you want to vote, please go here.

I am not soliciting for any votes as I believe that voting should be on one’s free will and one’s choice, and not because the person is popular or that you know the person. Voting is a way to show support, but on the other hand, it should not be based on popularity. If I am to vote for someone, it will be if the person really deserves, and not just because I know the person.

Thus, I shall leave it up to you to vote for whoever you like, and feel more deserving, but in any case if you do vote for me, then let me thank you very much in advance!

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Bedazzled!

I was telling a friend some time ago to get out and meet people, instead of just staying at home, because guys will not just drop from the sky and land on her roof. But then again, at times I do wonder, I do so much for myself like meeting people in a variety of ways, what have I actually achieved? Afterall, if things have been successful, I will not be in this state in the first place.

Maybe that is why some of my friends gave up, because it seems that they can hardly meet anyone no matter what they do. I have tried singing groups, church groups, dancing lessons, online websites, dating agencies, friends of friends, social events, but all come to nought. I have met people though, and some good friends (of both genders) have emerged out of these activities, but that seems to be about it. No sparks and progress whatsoever.

Still, I am all for meeting people. It widens up your perspectives in life talking to various people. It gets you exposed to other aspects of life, like how come some people can be so shallow and idiotic. It helps improve your knowledge by bantering with those better. And perhaps one day, someone may just introduce you to someone who may just be the one, who knows?

Which is why when I received an email for The Bedazzled event, I signed up immediately. I will be going for both the Conference and the gala dinner. If anything, it is just to improve and see things from another perspective, and hopefully meet more interesting people. All for the fun of it. Hopefully the events will be as fun as I hope they will be!

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Ten Dating Mistakes That Turn Women Off

I came across an article that talks about the ten dating mistakes which can turn off men. To be honest, these are just common sense. Anyone who knows how to behave will be able to adhere to it, one does not need an article to tell you what to do! Which got me thinking, what, then, are the ten dating mistakes that turn off women?

Based on my experience, I think I have enough to compile ten dating disasters that totally turn me off. Actually what turns men off are also what turns women off. I cannot speak for every woman of course because we are all made differently, but in general, these are a few pointers which I think as a woman, we will not like it if the guy we are seeing does it, especially on a first date. You may notice it is almost similar to what will turn a man off, only in a different context.

1. Talking too much about “Me, me me”.

Just like the article mentions, the man is not interested in how much one spends on the newest hairdo or a Louis Vutton bag, we are also not interested in how much the men spend on his newest car or gadget. Just like we are not interested in how much you are earning, or how many credit cards you have, how “rich” and “eligible” you are. It is for us to judge, not yourself.

So please, spare us from going on and on about how often you change your car, how much money you have and how good a life you have. Or how much more interesting your job is as compared to ours. The last thing we need is a show-off!

2. Making Comparisons.

Just like talking about marriage and whatnot on a first date is a no-no for men, it is the same for a woman. Please do not tell us the kind of ideal girl you have in mind to marry, or how many girls let you down, or how “high and mighty” and “materialistic” local girls are as compared to foreigners. It is only the first date, for goodness sake! And if you keep comparing, then why on earth are you out meeting us instead of the “beautiful and voluptuous foreign women” you adore so much?

3. Being a picky eater.

A woman does not like the man picking on his food all the time. I went out with a guy once who was only concerned with eating instead of making conversation, yet at the same time he kept criticizing the food, but still kept eating anyway. Are you there for the food or to really get to know someone?

4. Being late.

If it is fifteen minutes due to traffic conditions or work, that is fine. If you called before hand and said you are going to be late due to emergencies, that is fine. But if you just turn up late without any explanation or apologies, then that is quite impolite.

A guy asked me out once and he got my number. In the morning, he sent me a message saying how he was looking forward to meet me that evening. That evening, I was at the restaurant five minutes before time and he was late! I waited for fifteen minutes, and there was no sign of him! He had my number, yet he could not even send a message saying that he would be late!

Maybe to some, they might feel if they are going to be late, we could at least asked what happened. But the fact was that he asked me out and he was the one who was late, so why should I be the one to send him a message asking the reason why he was late when he could not even bother to let me know?

5. Too much emotional baggage.

This ties in with Point 2 above. When out with a new girl, especially one whom you are rather interested in, never compare her to what your ex was like before, or how good a time your ex had with you. I went out with someone once who told me I should be quieter and not talk so much, because his ex was the quiet and sweet type. I was so pissed after hearing that! Was he really thinking of knowing a new person, or just grabbing anyone and moulding her into his ideal kind of person like how his ex was?

6. “I’m Too Good For You”.

Never ever tell a girl she is not pretty enough, that she should dress up more, or carry herself with more grace, especially not on a first date! Strangely, it is those who are nothing much to look at in the first place who will criticize a person’s looks. Some of the better-looking ones take people more at their face value.

We cannot change our looks, so unless you yourself have the face of Narcissist and the body of Hercules, then do not scrutinize and look us up and down thinking you are too good for us! Chances are, we do take pains to dress up for the date, so cut us some slack even if we are not your ideal definition of “beauty”!

7. Always On The Phone.

This is also a big turn-off. I met a guy once and for the one hour or so we were having drinks, I could only get in five sentences as he was on the phone the rest of the time. For goodness sake, turn your phone silent or just ignore your calls! Yes, we do understand there may be work emergencies, then at least asked to be excused for a while and step away to answer the phone, rather than talking on the phone while facing us!

8. Coming On Too Strong.

If a girl agrees to go out with you for a meal and drinks, that does not mean she automatically wants to be in a relationship with you. No one gets into a relationship just after a first date, and definitely no one holds a guy’s hand or kiss him or wants to sleep with him just because she agrees to meet up with him!

So please do not ask how many people we have slept with or whether we get into one-night stands when we just met up for the first time! Also, do not call us or send us messages so many times a day and bomb us if we do not respond! Meeting up with you does not mean we allow you any leeway to misbehave!

9. Being too “touchy feely”.

As mentioned in Point 8 above, just because a girl agrees to go out with a guy does not mean she agrees to be pawed all over by him. Please do show some respect for us. We may be the female species, we may not have as strong urges as men, but still, we are not sexual objects to be displayed or touched whenever you fancy.

10. Not Being Yourself.

Just like how men can tell a “fake” right away, women can too. It is one thing trying to please, but it is another thing doing something you do not like and feeling too uncomfortable doing that! We rather you be yourselves, whatever you like and do not like, just do it as per normal. Do not need to put up a false front just to impress! Doing that will only show how low self-esteem you have, and that itself is a big turn off!

Matchmaking For Kids

Freddie and Fannie have been taken over by the government! Finally! Someone should have taken over them a long time ago, considering the situation. Hopefully this move would be in a bid to "clean up" their act and the rest of the world's market will go back to normal.

On Sunday, a group of parents clustered for the first time in local history to find mates for their unmarried children. Seems like the children themselves are not in a hurry, but it is the parents that are desperate for their children to find mates!

Luckily my own parents are away. But then they know I will absolutely forbid them from doing anything like that to me! In any case, if they ever find someone for me, I will never accept it because they will probably find someone stodgy, quiet and boring, as long as he is a good provider.

If that is what I am looking for, I would have just grabbed anyone already, because many guys I know are like that. But what is the use of being a good provider and responsible to the family if he does not even know how to enjoy the finer sides of life? Like not willing to travel and explore, or go for musicals, or experience different cuisine instead of always sticking with the same old, same old.

In any case, a higher percentage of the parents are more worried about their unmarried daughters than their sons. I guess men have it easier. They can still father kids at the age of seventy even, but women are different. Once past the age of forty they are as good as gone case, which is why once a woman reaches her mid-thirties, it is hard for her to find someone already.

I guess most parents look out for the best interests of their children. Strangely, the requirements for a daughter-in-law are not as high as that of a son-in-law. For instance, those parents who are looking for a girlfriend for their sons, just state they like a nice girl from a good background.

But for parents of girls, they will say their daughters are of this qualifications, this job, earning this amount of money, this age, so they would like a guy who is older, same or better qualifications, higher earning power, etc.

Maybe that is why society is this way, because we are inculcated from young that man should be the care giver and breadwinner, so they are reluctant to be with a lady who is better, and likewise for a lady, she is reluctant to be with a man who is less than her equal?

Some of my friends say this is like going back to ancient times - where parents try to find matches for their children, and the matches are from the same kind of background, status, education level, etc. Afterall, it is true that in general, those with the same kind of upbringing tend to get along better as they have common ground to speak of.

I hope those parents do manage to find a good match for their children though. But then, at times, too much effort may backfire. Sometimes it is best to just let things happen naturally in its own time.

Some Dating Fiascos ....

I was having dinner with someone a few days back, and he was telling me about the kind of people he met through dating agencies. He said one of his dates was already attached, yet she went ahead to meet him, as she wanted to draw a comparison with him and her boyfriend.

Now why would anyone do that? If she really thinks her boyfriend is not up to what she likes, then why not make a clean break, before going with someone else? Or is it because she wants to keep her options open, but at the end of it all if she is not able to find someone, she will still stick with her boyfriend? Is that not being rather irresponsible, not to mention unfair?

Another girl he met has a long list of criteria which is practically impossible to meet. For instance, she wants someone good-looking, rich, have all the five or six ‘C’s, considerate, caring, kind, loving, romantic, etc. Hmmm… dream on! I do not even look for someone like that, just someone I can talk and jibe with, someone with a good sense of humour and a zest for life. Anything else is secondary.

The third girl he met was actually already married but having problems with the spouse and not officially separated or divorced. This is quite bad actually, if the dating agency (he did not mention which one) did not even run checks thoroughly to ensure the status of its members!

So actually the guys I met through dating agencies are not too bad, even though we do not have any sparks. At least they are single, that I can guarantee. I must say, there is no perfect match in the world, no matter how “perfect” a couple can look. What matters is the chemistry and effort put in to develop the friendship and relationship.

Sad to say, most people are too superficial. They go by first sight. If there is no magic at first sight, they just drop the person. Honestly, how much can you tell from just one meetup? But I guess the problem with many people is that they are not even willing to keep in touch once they do not feel any sparks. For me, unless the person totally gives me an adverse feeling, otherwise I do not really mind meeting up with them after the first time. Afterall, one never knows what will happen!

Dating Agencies : A Rip Off?

I came across an article in Consumer Affairs, about the bad reputation of a certain dating agency. Here is the article which I reproduced, with the name of the agency blacked out. Some food for thought.

Honestly, my own experiences with dating agencies are a mixture of good and bad. I have met guys who are intelligent, interesting and articulate, but at the same time, I have also met some who kind of put me off. There is no perfect match in this world, but in any case, take it with an open mind and new friendships can emerge!

A scam of the heart.

A matchmaking rip-off.

A dating service disaster.

That's how singles across the country describe their experiences with a company that claims to be the premier dating service for busy professionals.

"I was absolutely horrified with the experience I had," says Jennifer P. of Wilmington, Delaware, one of the more than 50 former dating service clients who have filed complaints with ConsumerAffairs.com since 2003.

Horrified because one of her dates started to stalk her.

"That scared the hell out of me," says Jennifer, who joined the service in 2004. "He called me every day. I had to get my number changed. I asked the company if they do background checks on their clients and they said 'no, we don't need to because every one of our clients is a professional.'"

Not the ones Jennifer dated.

Here's how the company described the so-called professional who stalked her.

"They said I have a fantastic person I'm dying for you to meet," she recalls, adding the company told her it had a client base of more than 3,400 professionals. "He's adorable and exactly the type of person you're looking for. They also told me he owns his own landscaping company."

Jennifer, however, quickly discovered he didn't own a landscaping service. He mowed lawns at a local college.

He also didn't have the two minimum requirements Jennifer requested in her dates: a college degree and a full head of hair.

"This has just been a nightmare. My advice to other singles is to never call this dating service unless they want to open a Pandora's box and waste their time and money."

The dating service touts itself as a "specialized dating service for busy professionals."

A marketing manager founded the company in 1991 after her engagement was called off a few weeks before her wedding. The company is headquartered in southern California and its literature says it has more than 80 franchises worldwide.

The company claims its staff members have "years of experience and create matches based on personality and physical requirements."

The company interviews clients to determine exactly what they're looking for in a potential partner.

"Our service isn't about video or computer dating," its Web site states. "It's about an insightful, professional staff member hand-selecting appropriate matches based upon your desires, goals, motivations and our instincts."

Singles pay about $1500 for up to 14 dates -- usually at lunch or for drinks after work -- that are supposedly hand-picked by the company's experts based on clients' specific criteria.

Not The Love Connections Promised

But a two-month investigation by ConsumerAffairs.com reveals the company doesn't deliver the "hand picked" love connections promised.

During our investigation, we interviewed more than 30 former clients and employees across the country who say the dating service misled them by:

• Claiming to be experts at matching busy professionals with like-minded busy professionals;

• Claiming to arrange dates based on client's specific requirements;

• Claiming to only have professionals in its files;

• Claiming to have hundreds and in some cases thousands of clients in its files;

• Exaggerating clients' age, profession and other characteristics when arranging dates;

• Refusing to give refunds when dates didn't meet clients' criteria.

Singles also say the company's management blamed them for mismatched dates, asked them to change their requirements in a potential partner, ignored their calls, and sometimes yelled at them -- especially if they had complaints about their poor matches.

"When she finally did speak to me (after leaving 13 messages) she did nothing but act in a totally unprofessional manner," Jennifer P. says of the franchise owner who set her up with the stalker. "Using profanity, threatening me with my money, stating that she does not have to give me a refund, that she can do whatever she pleases with the money, she answers to no one, not even corporate."

Eric S. of Miami, Florida describes the company as a total misrepresentation.

"It's not fair to consumers," says Eric, who joined in 2004. "This isn't a new car. This is potentially a lifelong partner and the stakes are high. You're dealing with people who are lonely and worried about not finding someone. It's easy to prey on these fears."

Former employees confirm the dating service preys on lonely hearts and dupes singles out of their money and dreams of finding a soul mate.

"I think it's a total scam" say Michelle S. a former director in a downtown office. "I would tell anyone thinking of signing up to definitely not join. They're wasting their money and their time."

Jennifer S., who also worked as a director in the same office, warns consumers: "If it seems too good to be true, it probably is. That line fits perfectly for this company. It's playing on someone's emotions. What is more emotional than the heart? It exploits people who are looking for love."

Attraction to the Company

Tracy M. of Los Angeles is a successful advertising executive whose busy travel schedule doesn't leave much time to meet new people -- especially men who share her interests and professional ambitions.

That's why the company appealed to her.

"They tell you they have an entire data base of men and women who are professional people just like you," says Tracy, who joined the service in 2003. "And for $1500, they guarantee you 14-16 dates with someone who is a busy, successful person -- just like you."

But none of the three "love connections" the company made matched Tracy's specific requirements.

"One guy was manager of an apartment complex, another guy was a student who graduated from architectural school and didn't have a job, and another guy was a handyman," she says. "These are not busy executives to me. This is false advertising.

You can't sucker people and say you have a huge data base of single men when you don't. It's so insane what they do. It's a total scam."

An ad touting the company's professional clientele attracted Stephanie H. of Vernon Hills, Illinois to the matchmaking service.

"It was in one of those in-flight magazines and it looked so believable," says Stephanie, who joined in 2004. "The ad said the CEO of the company was Harvard-bred."

Those Ivy League credentials impressed Stephanie and convinced her it was a legitimate dating service.

But after paying $1200 in advance -- and only going on two dates that didn't come close to meeting her criteria -- Stephanie learned it didn't necessarily live up to its exclusive image.

She did, however, discover she and her second date had something in common.

"He started telling me how miserable he was in the company. And we just laughed through the rest of the date because the whole company is a joke. It's all a sham."

Pick-Up Line

Our investigation reveals the company woos singles with what some Casanovas might consider a great pick-up line.

It's a line that's music to the ears of lonely singles looking for love.

"They told me they had 25 men that fit exactly what I was looking," says Suzanne K. of Colorado Springs, Colorado, who joined in 2004. "I gave them a list of what I like and don't like and she (the director) said that would be no problem. She started writing things on the back of my profile -- names of people -- and said 'him, yes, yes, yes.'

She said give me a couple of days and we'll start getting you out on dates."

Jane G. of New York City says the company used a similar pick-up line to convince her to join.

"They said they know of four men right now who would be perfect dates in every way for me. I said it's either do this or go to Italy and she (the director) said, 'don't worry, I'll find you someone to take you to Italy.'"

But these and scores of other singles -- who confirm the company assured them it had several people who met their specific requirements -- say the company failed to deliver the so-called "perfect dates" promised.

"I don't think the people exist, these clients they tell you about that fit exactly what you're looking for," Suzanne says. "I never went out with anyone. They always cancelled or didn't show up. Where are these men who make over $100,000 and who live the same kind of lifestyle that I do?"

Matchmaking Mix-Ups

The company's romantic ruse doesn't stop with the pick-up line. We've learned it also dupes singles with promises that its staff members are expert matchmakers. And first date specialists.

But Eliza H. of St. Paul, Minnesota, says the employees are no modern-day Cupids.

"I told them I didn't want to date any Republicans and also didn't want to date anyone religious," she says. "The first person they set me up with was a Catholic who was also a Republican. The second guy they set me up with was a Seventh Day Adventist."

Eric. S. of Miami, Florida says the company repeatedly set him up with women who didn't meet the ethnic criteria he requested.

"I specifically said I only wanted to date someone who was Latin," he says adding the company's director assured him that would not be a problem when he joined. "And that's where they could not be further off the mark. I got the impression that anyone who came along they were throwing at me. It started to feel like Russian Roulette."

K.G. of Alexandria, Virginia echoes Eric's frustration.

"I place a high value on education," says the Harvard-educated woman who originally joined in 2003. "And they set me up with one guy who couldn't read a menu that was in English and kept dropping the f-bomb. The dates were simply incompatible.

"Circus music should play when these guys pick up the phone, because this office is full of clowns," she says, adding the company also booked dates without her confirmation and gave her the wrong times and locations for dates.

"These guys are the carneys of the dating world -- they promise you a prize, but the game is rigged squarely in their favour."

Not the Dates Described

We've also learned the company misled some singles about their dates' backgrounds -- or left out critical information.

"They said one guy they were setting me up with was an art dealer," says M.B. of New York City. "They said he brings in important art exhibits and deals with art objects. But he wasn't an art dealer. He worked with a freight forwarding company."

M.B. says the dating service also left out key information about another date.

"He's wonderful, but he is recovering from cancer and they didn't reveal that to me before the date. A few weeks after our date, he was hospitalized.

"Those are little details that speak volumes about the company and how careless they are," she says. "This isn't like handling paperwork. They're handling someone else's life. And charging money for this is almost criminal."

Elizabeth M., an attorney in Washington, D.C. who joined in 2001, says the company failed to disclose that one of her dates was still married.

"We were talking and then he mentioned his wife. I said 'you're separated?' He said I'm getting a divorce. "I was so offended they would set me up with someone who was still legally married."

Customer Service

How does the company handle complaints like these?

Or problems with dates not meeting the criteria requested?

In some cases, singles say the company downplayed the problems, saying they were oversights. In other cases, the company asked clients to give them another chance.

In still other cases, singles say the company put them "on hold" and didn't send them on dates for a while.

But some singles say the company actually blamed them for mismatched dates.

"At one point I discussed the probability of them not having any matches for me and the director indicated that she felt I was being too picky," M.S. says. "They said that I needed to broaden my criteria.

"The other line I received from them is what they did is an art and not a science," she adds. "After paying $1500, that is not the customer service I expect."

Some former clients also say the company refused to talk to them -- especially if they had complaints about their dates.

"I called when my date didn't show -- the guy I drove two hours to meet," says Suzanne K. of Colorado Springs, Colorado. "No one answered the phone. It dawned on me that they must have caller I.D., so I called the company from a pay phone. And this time, they answered."

Kiss The Money Goodbye

Many singles say the company refused to refund their money -- even if it failed to set them up with professionals who met their specific criteria.

Some singles say they just kissed that money goodbye.

"I have not received any type of refund from the company and I specifically asked for at least a partial refund since it did not set me up with anywhere near the type of women I would be compatible with or was attracted to," says Sgt. First Class Mark D. of Rockwall, Texas, an 18-year Army Veteran who paid $1300 in 2002. "I just dropped the whole thing and took it as a learning experience that I got taken."

So did M.S. of San Diego.

"I asked for a refund," she says, adding she paid $1500 in 2004 and only went on four disappointing dates -- all of whom expressed dissatisfaction with the matchmaking expertise. "I took my request to the owner and she said we don't give refunds. She refused."

Some singles, however, have received refunds. But in many cases, they had to take extreme measures to get their money.

Dirty Little Secrets

Former employees say they're sorry -- but not surprised -- by the problems singles have experienced with the dating service.

They say the company trains employees to dupe clients -- just to make a sale.

"It is not a human service, it is a human disservice and a complete snow job," Charisma M., a former director of a Californian office, posted on our Web site in 2004. She reiterated those comments during an interview last month with Consumer Affairs. "Their company and business practices are built on propaganda and lies. I had to resign because I couldn't even look myself in the mirror.

"I feel it's my responsibility to disclose the practices I encountered during my time as a director."

Charisma says the office misled singles by:

• Claiming it carefully matched singles: "There is no 'matching' happening. I would describe it as 'just get them out.' "

• Claming it's selective about its clients - "This is a lie. They are not selective. They just want to get clients in the door. It's all about the sale. I was told to take anyone and everyone."

• Claiming to have more clients than it does - "I was trained and instructed to lie to clients about the current number of members in our San Francisco and Walnut Creek offices. The active number was well below what we quoted. There were only 300 clients in the San Francisco office and a majority were on hold."

• Claiming to have an equal male vs. female ratio - "We were instructed and trained to lie and say the balance between men and women is 50/50. This is a far cry from the truth. It's more like 80-20. There are lots of women and few men."

• Overstating the number of marriages arranged by the company - Charisma says the company claims it's arranged 10,000 marriages. "I didn't see a system in-house that could possibly track this. I'm curious as to how they would be able to prove this."

Charisma also says the San Francisco office asked men to go on "favor dates" to fulfill the number of dates promised in the women's contracts.

Former employees at other locations confirm the company used these and other misleading tactics to dupe singles in their offices.

"The whole thing is disgusting," says Michelle S., a former director in the downtown office who worked from November 2002 to June 2004. "The company would put clients with whomever they could find. They didn't match them according to their parameters (criteria)."

In many cases, Michelle says, the company intentionally misled clients about their dates.

"I can confirm the coordinator who calls and describes the person is completely lying or exaggerating about every aspect of that person -- age, profession -- to get them to go on the date."

And remember the great pick-up line it uses to get clients to join?

"We were trained to say 'there are four or five people who I can think of right now that would be perfect for you,' " Michelle and other former employees say. "That's part of a script. It's one of our selling points."

Michelle says the office also misled consumers about the number of clients in its files.

"When I was at the downtown office, they said they had 500 clients for me to work with," she says, adding she wanted to buy the downtown franchise but the company sold it to someone else. "But once I got in there, I found out I only had 100 clients. I got them up to 250 clients and I think we had more clients than anybody in the country. But 250 clients is not that many."

Jennifer S., who worked as a director at the office in 2003, agrees the company isn't selective about its members.

"I had a guy who I interviewed and I told the owner 'I can't match him. The owner said 'You take him. You take his money. You can match him.

"I told her he doesn't match any of our girls' parameters. And the owner still made me take his money. She said 'you never know who will come in the door tomorrow. That could be their perfect date.'"

Jennifer also says the clients are not the busy, upscale professionals the company claims.

"They say a majority of the clients are college graduates, bankers, lawyers and doctors. That's absolutely not true. A majority of our men were blue collar."

Here's another "dirty little secret" Jennifer shared about the company.

"Under California law, consumers have a three-day right of rescission," she says. "We were told not to -- under any circumstances -- send people out on dates within in three days after they signed their contracts. That's because if they didn't like their dates, they could cancel their contracts."

Lynn D. of Texas says when she joined as a coordinator in 2004, her office didn't dupe singles.

But that all changed when a new owner bought the franchise in 2005.

"We went from having high class, good looking, and great people to taking whoever had money to join. We had a gentleman who came in and I said this is not anyone our girls will go out with. The director said she couldn't match him. The new owner said if he has the money, take it.

"The new owner also told me to lie to people to get them on dates," Lynn says, adding the owner fired her because 'the company was heading in a new direction.' "I said that's not what we promised. We promised to send them on quality dates based on their criteria.'"

The Company's Response

The Chairman and CEO declined our repeated requests for an interview and instead gave us a written response, stating his company is proud of its customer service and its reputation.

The Chairman, who is married to the founder, touts the company's success with the following claims:

• It's been in business over 14 years and is the fastest growing dating service in the world with over 85 locations. He states each location is a franchise and is independently owned and operated.

• It has had almost 200,000 clients;

• It has had thousands and thousands of marriages;

• It has the highest client referral and renewal rates in the dating service industry.

He also states that complaints to ConsumerAffairs.com do not reflect the views of a majority of the clients.

"The company has had almost 200,000 clients, and your Web site lists a very small percentage of complaints (less than 1710th of 1 percent), and only a couple complaints from all of 2005 out of our almost 50,000 current clients. In short, the company has had 250 times more marriages than complaints listed on your Web site."

The Chairman also claimed that some of the complaints we received are not from the clients.

"We believe some (if not more) are ....from other people (perhaps competitors) pretending to be clients. It is our understanding ConsumerAffairs.com takes no steps to confirm that complaints they receive are from actual clients." (We did confirm all of the complainants who could be contacted during the course of this investigation).

He adds: "You've also posted complaints from "employees" who never actually worked in an office. (The ones interviewed during this investigation stated they worked for the company and gave us titles and dates. Some people who filed complaints with us stated they interviewed for jobs with the company but didn't start to work for the company).

The Chairman did not offer any evidence to support his assertions and would not agree to speak to us in person or by telephone so that we could ask for such evidence.

He also claims ConsumerAffairs.com isn't fair to businesses-especially those who've resolved consumers' complaints.

"Your Web site does not permit companies to respond to complaints or update clients' views and opinions. For example, in the case where a client's issue is resolved to the satisfaction of the client, your Web Site refuses to remove the complaint or note that the client is now happy."

It is not true that companies are not permitted to respond. Every page of the ConsumerAffairs.com site contains a link to the Company Response Form, a company official said.

It is true that complaints are not removed once published.

"We are not running an extortion service. If a company can simply buy off one or two complainants and have the complaints removed, that does nothing to help other consumers who might fall into the same trap," said ConsumerAffairs.com Editor In Chief and President.

The Chairman also claims the company has a satisfactory rating with the Better Business Bureau and that agency more accurately reflects the company's service record and its clients' views.

Many franchises, however, are not members of the BBB and not all have a satisfactory rating.

For example, the BBB's Web site states the franchise in Arizona has "an unsatisfactory record with the Bureau due to an unanswered complaint."

Humiliating Experience

M.B. of New York doesn't believe the rosy picture the Chairman paints of the company and its satisfied clients.

"It's terrible PR-hype," she says. "The company can't and doesn't deliver what it promises."

Kim S. of Houston agrees, saying he regrets the day he joined the dating service.

He says it wasted his time.

His money.

And his dream of finding a partner.

"The whole thing is humiliating and embarrassing. I'm humiliated to think that I could actually be duped by people like this. And most people will not complain because they are so embarrassed by it all."

Thoughts During A Long Weekend

Is it just me, since my body is breaking down again, or is the weather really unbearably, intolerably hot the past couple of days? The moment I turned off the air-conditioning and opened the windows, a whiff of hot air comes streaming in, making the entire room hot and humid. How I wish we can go to New Zealand right now, at least it will be much cooler, and I may even get to see some snow! What a pity my mum cannot make another trip until around end of the year. By then it will be summer there and all I see is green, green and more green again.

I was talking with my cousin last night, and she, too, does not seem to have a good impression of local guys per se. She said she came across a lot of guys who are just weird. On one hand, they want to be attached, on the other hand, they behave in a way that put girls off. For instance, there is this guy who likes the feminine ladylike and educated kind of girl with intellect, but yet expects her to be submissive, not speak her mind and go along with what he says or does.

How can there be the best of both worlds? I am not saying that educated or intelligent girls will not be submissive or demure, I believe they will be, but at the same time, they do speak their own minds and have their own thinking instead of listening to the guy all the time, even when he is not that right.

She also remarked that many guys she came across, they do not know how to behave properly to a girl. For instance, they do not see a girl home after a date, or pay for the girl willingly. I do not need someone to pay for me all the time, but as a lady myself, I like to be well-treated too. I do appreciate chivalry and gentlemanliness, and having a good time at a date, instead of worrying whether the place is to the guy's liking.

Like what my best friend once said, if the guy is not generous on the first date, it is unlikely he will give others a good impression, whether he is someone that can be reliable and dependable. First impressions do still matter. I admit that. Those guys I have liked they all treated me very well on a first date, but in the first place, they are pretty decent people if I even agree to meet up with them.

It is after the impression on a first date that one decides whether to go on a second date. I admit I am still somewhat traditional, I still like the feeling of being chased and wooed, being dated in style and having a good time. It does not mean have to go high class all the way, but it means just having a great time with a great company, instead of someone picking on every little thing I do or say. Essentially I just want to be myself when out with people, rather than being uncomfortable. It is no fun if you have to keep watching yourself and your behaviour instead of enjoying yourself thoroughly.

A New Matchmaking Institute

Another interesting article in the news. Competition is getting more and more intense. Yet I still find it funny that so many people still have no luck finding someone. If all these places help, then one should have many choices to choose from, and finding someone will be easier, will it not?

Of course, not all will work out. For instance, I have never thought of progressing with those I am still in contact with from the dating agencies, although some of them have become firm friends. Ironically it is those I met through other channels that I actually gave a chance to, just that things could not progress further.

My own experiences with dating agencies are that it is a good way to meet people. One meets all kinds of people, interesting, fun, obnoxious, insufferable. You name it, there will be someone to fit into every category.

But meeting people and finding someone is not the same as finding the right person. Sometimes the right person pops up all of a sudden when you are at your wit's end and on the verge of giving up. The fates always have a way to play tricks on the people. Which makes me wonder, when will I find the right person then?

My friend was just remarking that the dating agencies seem to be undercutting each other, and they should consolidate their databases to complement each other instead and work together. Well, I think every dating agency has a different package. There are some exclusively for speed dating, some for group dates, some for social gatherings, some for one-on-one dates, which may either become a disaster or something good comes out of it.

To me, I think if the agencies are to do profit-sharing, then it will not be feasible in the long run. After all, the different agencies are running a business as well, so competition keeps the business going more aggressively. I am not one with a business mind (as evidenced from my Economics grade), but even then, I know too what matters in business is profit and service. No one will want to go on in a losing business.

Perhaps this is why dating agencies are getting more and more popular, because it seems that the demand and supply is increasing. I still remember the very first Economics lesson that if there is demand and supply, there will be business and profit, especially if the demand is more than the supply.

There are more and more singles out there who are yearning to find the right one, but at the same time unable to find one in their own circles due to various factors. And that is where these agencies come in - to provide a service to people who are looking for the right one to be with.

A Sign Of Pettiness?

I went for another social networking dinner on Saturday night, consisting of four ladies and three men. This time round, those involved are mostly older than me, so we talked about serious stuff like the things we do, politics, technology, to a point of being stodgy. Hmmmm......

Last night, I went for dinner with a guy. He seems okay in the beginning, but when the bill came, he told me that he did not bring enough cash with him and asked if I could pay. Warning signs started ringing in my head because I had experienced this before, where the guy simply just lived off me and shirked his responsibility.

But he sounded so apologetic so to prevent any further embarrassment, I paid for the bill. Then he offered to walk around with me, on the pretext of looking for an ATM. After wandering for a while, he said he needed to rush off, and asked for my contact, and since he was not able to find an ATM, he would ask me out again and pay me back.

Then I did something I have never done before. I asked if he could at least walk me to the train station, to which he obliged. So I deliberately took him by the route where we would pass by the appropriate ATM, and even pointed out the machine for his attention.

After that, he withdrew the cash and paid me back for the dinner, including my share, which I declined at first but he insisted. Hmmmm.... I wonder if I have been a bit too petty? It is not a big sum after all, should I have just let it go instead of making things difficult for him, so to speak? At times, I wonder since when have I become so particular, when in the past I could have just let it go?

A Photo Experiment

I did an experiment. I finally uploaded my photo onto the dating website I am on. And guess what? All of a sudden, I have an influx of people wanting to contact me and writing to me, when things have been stagnant for a few months!

Ever since I signed up to the website, I have never uploaded my photo. To me, I feel that one should not judge on just appearances alone, and besides, I am not that comfortable baring my photo to all and sundry when I do not even know anyone there. So I relied on my profile. This is something like dating agencies, where both get set up on blind dates with just their profiles and names and not what they look like.

Besides, I feel that if the guys are really interested to know me based on my profile alone, they will still contact me even without my photo. Thus, I never wanted to upload a photo. Things were quite good initially, because I did meet quite a number of interesting guys. Of course, there are still dubious guys who wanted to take a stab, but the couple of guys I have met and tried to progress with are really genuine and true and we really had great times. Even if nothing came out of it, I made a few close friends.

Lately, things were rather stagnated for the past few months. There were other contacts of course, but all were dubious characters who just wanted to try their luck in getting laid. There was one guy who wrote to me, and I replied, and he replied, then we migrated to chatting online. Yet recently he contacted me again, with the same introductory message. Seems like he wrote to everyone the same way. It gives me the impression he is just trying out his luck by stabbing in the dark.

Hmmm... does he not remember me or he just did not bother saving all those he had contacted? At least this person makes me realise that he is one I will not bother with, since we do not seem to be on the same level. It is trivial things like these that one can see one's character, because the real person will never be able to hide away. If the person is really serious, he will know who he has contacted and not just send out contacts in the dark like that, without even knowing if he has repeated contacts!

Then there was another guy whom I deemed his profile rather interesting, and I like the way he expresses himself. Another articulate person. So I dropped him a note. That was before I uploaded my photo. I saw that he had viewed me, but he did not reply to my message so I did not bother after that. Then when my photo was uploaded, he contacted me on his own initiative.

So what does that show? That people are still so shallow and that appearances do matter? I admit the photo I uploaded was a close-up one taken during my cousin's wedding last year, so I was quite dressed up and made up, and perhaps do look a little better than most days.

Which makes me worry whether people contact me because of what I write, or because of what I look like. If someone really has inner beauty and on the lookout for someone special in the hopes of developing a serious life-long relationship, looks really do not matter, is it not? It is the character and personality that matters, how compatible both are, how much in common they have.

Thus I am removing my photo and will never upload another one. If people still contact me and show interest despite not having a photo, then I believe these are the ones that are more worthy of my time, and not those who only go for what one looks like. A real genuine and true person will go beyond appearances to the inner core, and not focus on what is outside.