Phone Sex? Cyber Sex? Or Are Men Really From Mars?

I suddenly have an influx of friends asking me for love advice. Do I look like the female version of Will Smith aka Dr Hitch? Not that I am not willing to lend a listening ear, but if I am really so capable and experienced, then why do all my relationships fail? I honestly do not think I am that fit to give any advice regarding love considering my current status. Oh well .....

I have friends who tell me all about their sexual adventures online and on the phone. Honestly, is it really that enjoyable trying to do a sexual act with someone you do not know? Besides, how will anyone know you are not faking it? My friends who recounted to me their experiences said it is actually better to have phone sex as you can hear the person and get turned on (especially if the one on the other end has a husky sexy voice), rather than cyber sex because you will not even be able to see or hear the person.

My friends actually told me the entire procedure of what the whole thing involves, from the pre to the post stage. Do they need to tell me everything? They said it is for my own reference next time. Hmmmm, do people think I am really that innocent? I have survived for more than a quarter of a century, have a few boyfriends in the past, and although I live by my principle of not going all the way until officially married, still I have done certain things. As to what I have done, it is for me to know and the rest of you to find out. :-D

But why are men so obsessed over sex in the first place? Is it because their genetic hormonal make up simply make them naturally more horny than girls? I have friends who tell me that their guys want sex all the time. It is precisely because of men that the sex trade is so flourished. From physical acts with different girls, now there is a "safer" way of satisfying a man's desire through online and phone sex. Someone once told me guys are turned on by visual effects - that is why pornography is selling so well, especially to the male audience. It seems that girls can do without sex for a month, not like guys. But on the other hand, if the guy really loves the girl, he will respect her wishes and wait until she is ready or until they get married. Girls hate it if the guys pester them too much regarding this issue. Perhaps that is why so many guys want to indulge in cyber and phone sex, as trying to be sexual to a stranger is probably easier as there are no strings attached.

My girlfriends all have the same complaint - why are guys so hard to understand? Incidentally my guy friends also have the same complaint - why are girls so hard to understand? That depends on which perspective they are coming from. Actually guys and girls are pretty similar; it just depends on how understanding and compromising each can be.

For girls, they do not understand that guys want their own spaces. So if the guy says they do not wish to go out that day, just leave it be and leave him alone. If he wants to just laze around at home, what the girl can do is to perhaps go over and cook something for him or clean his room, anything to let him know you are there for him but at the same time not asking too much. But if he prefers to just spend a day by himself, then so be it. Do not even appear in front of him. Guys have egos, so try to feed their egos once in a while by letting them know they are the best men in your lives, and always be considerate to their feelings and actions. Guys hate it when their girlfriends embarrass them in front of their family and friends.

For guys, they do not understand why girls are so whiny and clingy, and get downright irritated as a result. Well, girls are whiny and clingy whenever they think the guys are not paying enough attention to them. :-p But seriously, guys hate it when girls are too whiny and clingy. As I have said above, guys have their egos, so instead of being all whiny and clingy, just keep quiet and be understanding. But girls do want attention, so guys will do best if they show their girlfriends that no matter how busy they are, the girls are still not neglected. Little gestures like just sending a loving message, or calling her up just to talk for even five minutes, and springing little surprises out of the blue will make the girl worship you.

Wow, I sound like a guru now. But seriously, these are tried and proven tips for loving relationships that last. I have learnt these lessons from my own relationships as well as my friends' and cousins' relationships. Ultimately, since men are from Mars and women are from Venus, the Martians and Venusians need lots of compromise and communication before they can even understand each other's languages and how each other functions.

SARS Revisited?

Is the flu virus recurring again? Just last weekend, I was down with the flu, and my fellow opera mate was also sick but still managed to perform. Last two weeks, there were quite a number of my colleagues who had to take at least two days medical leave due to the flu. I went back to the office on Monday with still a bit of the flu virus. Yesterday another friend just came back after two days of dripping from the hospital due to recurrent fever for a week. Now, my boss himself just went off as he came into the office sniffling and with a bad throat. I wonder if I spread my virus to him?

I just heard from the news a few days back that there was another case of SARS in Taiwan (or is it Hong Kong?). After the SARS scare two years back, where Singapore was put on the list of dangerous countries by the WHO, it was really a big relief when as at 31st May 2003, Singapore was taken off the list of countries by WHO, and it was only in late June when China and Hong Kong were taken off the list that the whole world could rejoice again as it was finally SARS-free.

The question is, where did this virus come from in the first place? There are cases of people dying of pneumonia or acute influenza, but that was the first time when people get something so serious just by contact alone. This lady came back from a Hong Kong trip and caught the dreaded virus as she was in the same lift as a China professor (who subsequently died from the illness) in a hotel in Hong Kong. She started to spread the disease to both her parents and her pastor when he came to pray for her recovery. She survived, but her parents and pastor died. One can only wonder how messed up she must have felt. I sincerely hope she will get over this period of grief and depression and go on with her life.

Difficulty In Hitching Cabs

I was so late for work this morning that I had no choice but to try to get a cab, only to find out that it was so hard to get one without calling for one. In the past when there were only three taxi companies, it was impossible to get a cab at certain times, as the streets would be practically devoid of taxis. Yet now when there are six taxi companies, it is still equally hard to get a cab!

More cab companies mean increase in the number of taxis available, as evidenced by the abundant number of taxis on the street. The streets are full of cabs! Then why is it still so hard to hitch a ride? About fifteen cabs went by before I could finally get into one. I was reluctant to call for a cab as the booking fee has increased astronomically. Besides, there is no guarantee I can get one even if I called. Why is everything increasing except people’s salaries? It is really going to be more and more expensive to survive here!

Friends For Life

I downloaded the “Blogger For Word” function, so this is my first attempt at posting directly from Microsoft Word. No doubt I have written down my entries in Word before, but after that I had to cut and paste into the template before it could be posted. Let’s just hope this experiment will be smooth.

I was having a very intense conversation with a guy yesterday. We were both trying to convince each other that our points of views were right. He says he does not believe in marriage. He rather has many good friends which can last for life. He says what is the use of marrying when one only ends up in divorce? But the question is that do friends really last for life?

Of all the friends I have, so far I am only confident of four that may well last for life. One is my best friend, the other one is the brother of my senior (although it may be a different story if and when he gets a girlfriend), the third may be Sonic (but things may change if and when he gets a girlfriend too!), and the fourth is the best friend of my third guy. Even my godbrother has not contacted me in over two months! I have lost touch with my first guy, mostly lost touch with my second guy (the only news I receive from him is due to the efforts of my best friend updating me), and my third ex and I also do not talk so often nowadays. Even my best friend’s ex-boyfriend, now that he is married, will most likely focus on his wife.

It is really so hard maintaining a friendship, let alone to keep it blooming for long. I have no idea how I managed to remain such close friends with those I mentioned above, but I guess it takes effort to maintain the friendship. Thus I am really grateful to all the above-mentioned friends who have really been through all my ups and downs and have been a great big part of my life.

True, like what my friend said, friends are important to us. Despite all these, I still want to find a companion to settle down with. Nothing gives me greater joy than raising my own family and having someone to grow old with. Friends can be with you up to a certain stage, but they will never be as close as you can be with your own family. Having said that, my friends are very important to me too. I will not hesitate to drop everything and help any of my friend in need.

Classic Movie And World Leader Test

I found this on one of my reader's blogs, so started taking the quiz for fun.

What Classic Movie Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

Hey wait, I have not even watched "Schindler's List" yet, although it is a show I have been wanting to watch for ages, since it is about the holocaust known as the second World War. Hmmm, let me see if I can convince some volunteers to get for me. :-D

What Famous Leader Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

Wait a minute, I am like Abe Lincoln? On no, then do I have to prepare myself for an assassination attempt? But truth be told, he was one of the great world leaders whom I admire greatly, as he single-handedly tried abolishing slavery, by citing the Declaration of Independence that everyone is created equal (which is true!). Thus he wanted to emancipate the Afro-Americans from serving the white Masters, leading on to the Civil War of 1886. Although a great many innocent people were killed, at least the Afro-Americans were freed, but at such a costly price. Sometimes is it really worth it to make war?

You've Got M@il!

I do not know how many of you remember the movie starring Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan but it is one of my favourite shows. Anyway I will watch any show with Tom Hanks in it. I started thinking of this show as in recent years, more and more people I know met their partners through the Internet.

My cousin met her husband through an online chatting program. But her case was a bit different, as they were already acquainted through a social dance class, but got to really know each other only through online chatting. I met my third ex online too - we were actually "introduced" by his best friend but he was coaxed by his best friend to send me a message, and the rest, as they say, is history. Another friend met a Hong Kong girl online too, and they recently registered their marriage, with the ceremony to be held in Hong Kong next year.

But is meeting people online really safe? There have been lots of horror stories on how people are not what they seem online. The advantage of all these anonymity means people can just give a fake identity and false information. Which means people can lie to you without you knowing. I must say I have been very lucky so far that all the people I have met online (at least those that have become my good friends) are all harmless and nice. Once I sense someone is undesirable or with some other ulterior motive, I will stop all contact.

Being in an era of advanced Information Technology like now means there are more avenues and channels for making friends. So even if a few hit the jackpot and manage to find the right one through the Net, it is not much of a surprise as well. The internet has now become the cyber matmaker to a lot of people. Besides instant messaging programs, a lot of websites nowadays also have personals and matches links which people can upload their particulars and exchange emails so as to get to know others. In fact, I started to like that particular someone only after getting to know him much better online, even though we already know each other.

So perhaps I may still have the chance to hear the three words "You've Got Mail!", knowing that someone somewhere looks forward to my messages as much as I look forward to his messages! Provided I am able to find my soulmate in the first place.

About Domestic Helpers ....

There has been an alarming increase in the number of cases regarding trouble incurred by foreign domestic helpers. Since the beginning of this year, there were cases where the domestic helper threw a baby down from the fifteenth floor, killed two children under her care, abused her ward, falsely accused her employers of ill-treating her and running away without a trace.

Some wonder why do these domestic helpers go to such lengths to gain attention? The trouble is that most of them come here in search of a better life, leaving all their poverty and family behind. Some of them were under-aged when they came. Still a child, homesick and not receiving much education, is it any wonder why some of these workers behave in such childish ways? Although it is still intolerable if an innocent life was killed just because the poor worker could not understand what the employer was saying or had no avenues to vent out her frustrations.

The public kept pointing fingers at these foreign domestic helpers, murmuring the cruelty of their actions. However, are employers totally not at fault? If employers can treat these helpers better in the first place, then perhaps none of these would have happened. These girls left their homes at such a young age and came all the way to help us out. For the type of work they do, they are already so poorly paid, yet some still had to put up with abuse and being blamed for everything.

Some employers I know make their workers wake up at 5:00am in the morning and work all the way until midnight before she can sleep. She cannot eat the food of the family, only the leftovers. That is really abuse! I came across another family at a restaurant where the poor worker (such a young and pretty one at that) had to carry the baby standing up, while the couple was enjoying a big meal with a friend. It was only after the friend expressed her pity for the worker before she was allowed to sit down at the table. Ridiculous behaviour! And there were cases where employers beat up their workers too!

Although I must admit not all the “poor young girls” are angels, judging from their actions, the employers must also examine their own attitude and behaviour towards these girls. If you are kind to them, I believe their attitude will also change. For my family, we have a domestic worker since I cannot-remember-when, but so far we have never ill-treated any of them. They are considered part of the family. Our domestic helper has to wake up at 6:00 am to prepare breakfast because that is the time when my brother gets ready for school. However, after dinner, she is free. She gets to rest at 8:30pm almost everyday, and as and when she finishes her work during the day, she can do whatever she likes. Our helpers have never once complained about us. Although I always have to remind my brother not to scream at her but talk to her respectfully as she is also a human, not someone he can kick around. If I ever get a domestic helper in the future, I will make sure she is very well-treated as well by my family.

Should Parents Interfere With Their Children's Relationships?

An acquaintance just broke up with her boyfriend, the umpteenth one in four years. She is my age and fears for herself that she may be left on the shelf. She is a pretty good catch – good-looking, intelligent, well-endowed, the only child of very wealthy parents. In fact, her mother’s family owns one of the biggest local conglomerates. All throughout law school, she had a chauffeur who drove her around, and the chauffeur would wait for her until she finished classes before driving her back. Needless to say, the guys were all scared off by her status. She had a series of boyfriends after graduation, but all did not work out, the reason being whenever she brought a guy home, he had to be approved by her entire extended family before he could even think of progressing further with her. So each time anyone of her family members disapproved of the guy, she would end things. How sad. :-(

Must parents interfere in their children’s love lives? My parents also have their own ideals on what type of guy I must be with, ie someone older, more established, ready to settle down since he already had his share of fun and financially secure. My mum was never approving of any of my guys as well, not because she thinks they are bad guys, but because they are the same age as me, so not yet established. I never allowed her to interfere as it is my own choice who I want to be with. Relationships are already complicated enough without the parents giving their own two cents worth. Luckily, even though my mum would state her opinion, she will still leave the ultimate choice to me.

My friend who migrated to England had six guys before she finally met her husband. Her parents disapproved of all but the sixth one, citing the same reasons as my parents – that they were not established enough. She was supposed to marry the sixth guy as they have already gone as far as getting a flat of their own, renovating the place and even throwing a housewarming party. Alas, when her father wanted sixty tables at Shangri-La Hotel, S$2,000,000.00 worth of dowry and the groom had to foot everything for the wedding, the guy was not able to afford it and her father forbade her to marry him. She actually went against her parents’ wishes and still continued being with the guy, until she realised he would hit her when he got too stressed up. She said so many boyfriends she had, he was the only one who actually hit her, so she could not tolerate it. She said if she married him she would have a life of luxury, but would not be happy. After they ended, her father felt sorry and decided not to interfere with her affairs anymore. So now she is happily married to a Latin American with her parents’ blessings, even though she had to give up her lavish lifestyle and become a normal housewife in England.

Parents do not just interfere in their daughter’s love life, but also the son’s. Two of my guys are very close to their parents. This in itself is not wrong, as I always think it is better to find a guy who is filial. Afterall, it says a lot of his character if he is filial and respectful to his parents. However, they are too filial to the extent of being “mummy’s boys”. They listen to their parents for everything; even when going out with me, they had to go through their parents. One of them once told me that if his mum did not approve of his choice of girlfriend, he would drop her immediately. At that point in time, it seemed that his mum did not really approve of me as I was rather domestically-impaired, so he made me do the housework at his place just so his mum would be happier.

And part of the reason why my third guy suddenly did not want to get back together was because of his parents. Apparently his parents were angry with me that we ended, and thought I find him not good enough for me. It was all a misunderstanding and I have already apologised for the way things turned out, but they still think otherwise.

Another friend had a similar situation. She was introduced by her godmother to the son of her family’s friend. She said that it was not as if she did not try, but the guy and her had nothing in common at all. So after two casual dinners, she told the poor guy that they could only be friends, nothing more. The guy went home crying to his parents, and the parents got very angry with her. They called her godmother to complain that why she thought their son was not good enough for her? Was it because she had a degree and he did not so she thought herself too highly-educated for him? My friend was so upset at the accusations. She said in the first place, they only had two dinner dates, which she did not consider as officially going out as a couple, and in the second place, if she really thought him too low for her she would not have agreed to go out with him already!

Honestly, the relationship is between two parties; must others, including parents, get involved? I know parents are concerned for their children being hurt or going through a rough patch, but it is ridiculous if parents interfere with the type of girlfriends / boyfriends which the daughter / son chooses for herself / himself. After all, if I am to go out with a guy, it will just be going out with him, not with the parents. I will be the one marrying him, not his parents. Similarly, the guy only need to go out with me, not my parents (although he will be expected to turn up for some family functions as my other half). And if he is to marry me, it will be the two of us; we are not marrying each others’ parents or family members. I may sound harsh here, but if parents get involved, it will probably only make things worse for the couple in question. But then, I have never been a parent, so I will never be able to understand how they function.

Should Married Ladies Accept Gifts From Other Guys?

I have a colleague who accepts gifts from her various male friends. The gifts range from soft toys to jewellery to free meals to flowers. She is attractive, but she is already married with one son. Her husband does not mind her accepting gifts from her male friends as he trusts her. Anyway this lady knows what she is doing.

The issue is, should a lady still accept gifts or favours from guys when she is already attached or married? Most of my friends have no qualms doing that. My good friend who is already registered still accepts rides from her primary school classmate. My friend who is getting married soon still goes clubbing with other guys, with her husband's consent. The problem is where to draw the line? And is the guy really not expecting anything more if the lady accepts his gift or favour?

I guess it all depends on the situation and the character of the guys (both the husband / boyfriend and the gift horse). If the husband or boyfriend trusts the lady wholeheartedly to be faithful (which normally most ladies will be), and the gift horse has always been a close friend to the lady, then I believe it should be pretty alright if he does her favours or give her gifts. More often than not, for such a friendship, he willingly does it without asking for anything back as he is either just a very nice person or a true friend.

During my first two relationships, I did have guys asking me out and giving me gifts. I remember on my seventeenth birthday when I was already with my first guy, this classmate of mine actually took time off after school, went all the way to my place (losing his way as a result), and deposited a birthday card with a bracelet into my letter box. I was so touched by his gesture. Comparatively, my own boyfriend then only took me out to lunch at Jack's Place at Parkway Parade, at my expense. During Christmas that year, my childhood friend specially sent over a giant Garfield plush toy, which he bought all the way from Malacca, to my place. Now this Garfield has become one of my most faithful bed companions. My first guy was not the jealous type, so it was still alright for me to accept gifts from my guy friends.

During my second relatioship, I also have guys emailing me and asking me out. There was a particular guy whom I got to know through email. He is an avid writer, so we always discussed his poems and songs. He would page for me everytime he had an inspiration and sang his newest composition into my pager. He would email me his poems and asked for my opinion on how to improve. On my nineteenth birthday, he specially met me around the law school side before my class started and presented me my birthday gift - an entire collection of poetry which he wrote just for me, plus the ones we have discussed, all bound and presented in a nice folio. I was so overwhelmed that I was rendered speechless.

There was also another guy who actually gave me his number despite knowing I was attached, and asked me to call him. I actually called him to find out exactly what he wanted, but it was just harmless, since he was already attached. He just wanted to confirm my identity as he said I looked a lot like his ex-girlfriend whom he had lost touch with. We would meet to have breakfast sometimes before going to our respective classes, and he would call me up for a chat sometimes, and he gave me a classy-looking vase on my birthday. I gave him a Parker pen engraved with his name when I heard his girlfriend was livid when he lost a Parker pen with his name which she gave to him.

However, my second boyfriend was the jealous and possessive type so after my nineteenth birthday when he realised so many guys have been emailing and giving me gifts, he threw a big tantrum and ordered me to stop all my contact with all the other guys. In order not to make him unhappy, I stopped emailing most of my contacts, except those I have grown rather close to. The poetry guy is one, my third ex's best friend is another, and these are the two whom I still keep in contact with even now. After that hooha, even when my guy friends asked me out, I did not even dare agree. A friend asked me out once and when I told my second guy about it, he threw another tantrum, accusing me of being unfaithful and why must I still go out with other guys even after I was already attached?

I honestly do not think there is anything wrong with that, even now, but in a bid to make him happier, I cut off contact with most of my guy friends. Now that I do not know that many guy friends (thus lesser choice to look around) and those whom I am close to are already mostly attached, I wonder whose fault it was? Should he have stopped me socialising in the first place? Or is it my fault that I chose to listen to him and cut off contact with all my friends? Luckily my third ex never restricted me so much, although I still gave up meeting a lot of my friends just to cater according to his schedule to ensure that I would be free for him.

All in all, I think it is no big deal for a married or attached lady to accept gifts from guys she know or go out with her guy friends, as long as she knows what she is doing, remains faithful to her partner and knows that the other guy has no other ill intentions. Afterall, males and females can be close friends even without being in a relationship. I do not understand why some people think that just because a girl and a guy always hang out together means they are a couple. That is why sometimes I think some of the locals here are either too shallow, childish or sheltered.

Hell Hath No Fury Like A Woman Scorned

It is true what people say, "Never offend a woman unless you want to taste her vengeance." This is especially accurate in terms of women in love relationships. A woman will do all kinds of crazy things once she was dumped. There was a lady who feigned her pregnancy when she got dumped just to get the guy to marry her. Luckily the guy found out and dumped her again, this time cutting off all contact with her. Honestly if the guy did not get involved with her in the first place, he would not need to feel obligated to her. That is why the couple should not get involved with each other until they are properly married.

But from what I have realised, a woman need not even be dumped before she wrecks havoc. All it takes is for the guy to cheat on her and she will become the Devil's Advocate. I was flipping through a couple of female magazines last week when I came across true accounts on how women took revenge on their boyfriends who have hurt them in some way. Some of the things they did were absolutely ridiculous! If they could even bear to do something like those to their boyfriend / husband, ie the guy they claimed they love, then I seriously wonder just how much these women really love their guys.

One woman shamed her husband's lover in public, by going to her office, asking her husband to call the lady's office, then putting her on speaker phone so everyone in her office would know the affair was over. When the lady was so humiliated that she cried, the wife slapped her a few times. When she knew the lady was going to get married, she asked her out the day before the wedding and brought her to a temple to pray for atonement of her sins. The wife even went so far as to write to the lady's husband and telling him about the affair, sending a tape of the dalliance and asking him to keep better tabs on his wife. That is really extreme. Hurt as she was, the affair was already over and her husband had returned to her. Must she really break up someone's marriage?

There are other women who used less extreme, but equally vicious methods, to exact revenge. One lady found out her boyfriend was cheating on her, so she snuck into his apartment and soaked all his underwear in super-concentrated soapy water, and let the underwear dry without rinsing out the soap. He developed peeling skin and scratched himself raw but did not dare to tell her a thing as he thought he had contracted some sexual disease. A similar case was when after a fight, another lady smeared a scentless muscle relaxant gel inside every pair of briefs her boyfriend owned. When he was getting ready to go to work the next day, he cried out in pain and had to run around the house! Ouch.......

A classic case was when the wife of a British deejay heard him say he would give up his entire family for this gorgeous model he was interviewing, she got so mad that she auctioned off his Lotus Esprit Turbo for just 50 pence on Ebay, with the note that she needed to get rid of the car immediately before her husband came home. I must imagine what a heartache it was for the poor guy and what a good deal it was for whoever who bought the car!

Another lady, when she found out her guy was two-timing her with her roommate, answered his phone and pretended to be him for this important job interview for a big accounting firm he was expecting a call from. She did not tell him about the interview, and on the day of the interview, she called up the company, pretending to be him again, and said she overslept so wanted a postponement. The interviewer agreed to postpone. Needless to say, the guy never knew about the calls and did not turn up for the subsequent interviews, so his chances of ever working for the firm were totally blown.

Must people really be so vicious? Resorting to doing things like that just to exact revenge on the things he had hurt you with are not just childish, they are downright despicable. Can one claim to really love the other person if one can think of doing something that will hurt the other person? I wonder if these women ever regret or feel bad over what they did. I will definitely not do anything like this as I can never bring myself to hurt anyone, even an ordinary friend, let alone the person I love.

Is Being Big Such A Big Deal?

In September, our local television station will broadcast a new reality programme about overweight women losing their flabs and inches. These women who signed up were selected from many hopefuls, and most of them interviewed said that they wanted to lose weight because of their guys. Some guys they met actually told them not to find them until after they have shed off their weight.

What is this obsession about a person's weight anyway? I have put on about 5 kg since I graduated, but it has not really bothered me that much (except for the occasional grumbling about my rounder tummy and flabbier thighs). As long as all my clothes still fit (albeit a little tighter now) and I am still of the ideal weight range for my height, I do not really care how much I weigh. Although when I showed my mum my performance photos yesterday, she kicked up a very big fuss, saying that my face and cheeks got rounder and broader everytime I took a picture. She kept saying that I have her genes and will tend to put on weight easier than other girls, so kept telling me to slim down. She said that I looked better in the past, both in person and in photos as my face was longer not rounder. I told her that I am still thinner than her, which she countered with that "I have given birth to three children, you have not, so you should not even be flabby anywhere." What a downright slam to me!

During school days all the way to university, I have friends who always admired me for my body. They always claimed that I have such a shapely body, proportionate everywhere, and they were moaning about how to get rid of their "baby fats". Ironically, now they are the ones with the "womanly body" and my body, at least according to my mum, is fast becoming a middle-aged lady's shape. Hmmmmm...... Just a few more months before my dancing class starts, so hopefully I can shed off a few kilos after that and make everyone happy. I would like back my 23-inch waist and wear back my size 24 jeans.

But is it really a big deal to guys if their girls are big? Sad to say, there are many wonderful, intelligent and kind women who are single and unmarried just because they are big. Guys normally will not approach them. Are looks and figure really that important? Isn't whatever is inside counts more than just physical attributes alone? Of course there are some big girls who put others off, especially the way they dress. I mean, if you know you have flabs jutting out everywhere, then for goodness sake, do not wear a tube top showing your midriff (the extra roundness will only bounce when you walk), or a mini-skirt which only shows off how flabby your thighs are! But my point is that, a lady should not be judged just on her physical size alone, rather on how she presents herself and her character.

For myself, I always like guys to be a bit on the rounder side. All my guys were a bit on the muscular round side (even for the second one - he was also round in the beginning until I encouraged him to work out as he was having quite a low self-esteem over his roundness. After that he started becoming such a gym buff and became so obsessed over maintaining his sex pecs that he felt I was not "good-looking" enough to match him after all). I feel that rounder guys give me more security, as they can give me warmth and comfort when I hug them. I like my guys cuddly like a teddy bear! That does not mean I shun all the skinny guys around. On the bottom line, as long as our feelings are true and we are right for each other, it does not matter how thin or plump he is.

Dress Code For Girlfriends?

Sunday evening. I am stuck at home with only my books and computer for company. I still have to sleep off the flu virus before I can be in a good enough state to go to work tomorrow. For the first time, nobody is online. Just where is everyone?! But I suppose everyone has better things to do than to be stuck home with nothing to do on a Sunday evening. I just realised that today is the 28th August, which means I have officially blogged for three whole months! A mini congratulations to myself!

I had an interesting conversation with a guy this afternoon. He seems to be pretty conservative where his girlfriend is concerned. He said that his girlfriend likes to wear revealing clothes, and he does not like it but she does not like him telling her what to wear. In my opinion, I think if the guy is not that well-dressed himself (not that my friend is not well-dressed, but as a general statement), he has no right to tell his girlfriend what to wear. In fact, should a guy even bother what his girlfriend is wearing as long as she is well-dressed enough? Personally, if I know I am going on a hot date with my guy or any guy I like, I will try to wear something classy but sexy at the same time, depending on where we will be going.

I have girlfriends who tell me that their boyfriends never allow them to wear certain articles of clothing like tube tops, or low-cut T-shirts, or mini-skirts. My project mate in university once received a call from her then boyfriend when we were discussing a project at another guy's place. He asked her what she was wearing, and told her to cover herself up properly so the guy would not take advantage of her. That was so extreme! Really ridiculous. And he also confiscated a skimpy black dress which she wore to go clubbing so that she would not be able to wear it out. Just as well the relationship ended, and now she is on the way to happy matrimony with the right guy.

I have also received the brunt of criticisms from my guys telling me what and what not to wear. My first guy used to ask me to wear something sexier. I remarked that we were in school day in day out, how sexy could I wear? I made my knee-length skirt a bit shorter for his sake. He wanted me to wear tight T-shirts and jeans whenever we went out, as he said that would give me a womanly silhouette, and asked me to put on makeup. That was when I was seventeen, still ignorant about grooming, etiqutte and makeup. He actually bought me (not really bought since I was the one who paid for it) a silver-coloured spaghetti-top dress (which made me look like a lounge hostess) when out shopping with me one day and made me change out of my jeans and Tee combo into the dress instantly. Needless to say the dress was the first to go after we broke up. In the first place, his idea of "well-dressed" then was a black fishnet singlet over a tight T-shirt, and it was not as if he had a to-die-for body to show! Just imagine a sumo wrestler wearing a singlet two sizes too small! (Alright, I am being very mean here, so I shall stop whatever other things I wanted to say.)

My second guy was a bit odd in terms of dress code, ie he would not mind as long as he was in a happy mood but once he was in one of his tantrums again, nothing I wore would satisfy him. He caught me coming to campus once in a tube dress (covered up by a cardigan) and wearing Cinderella's glass slippers (those transparent mules which were so in fashion in those days) and flew into a rage, asking me why did I start dressing like some sort of bar hostess? My dressing was already pretty tame compared to what some of my other classmates were wearing! There was another time when I wore a mini-skirt for lectures, and when he saw me, he flew into another rage and immediately used his jacket to cover up my legs. That was the period of time when my legs were more worthy to show off, not the ones I have now. :-( But at least he had more dress sense and was always well-groomed, so I accepted his comments more readily. He never liked me to put on makeup since he said it was hard to kiss with all the powder and lipstick, but when he started working at the airline, I started putting on the type of makeup those air-stewardesses would put on.

My third guy did not really bother what I wore unless it was something too skimpy for his liking, ie nothing too low-cut and no tube tops. I wore a tube top and low-hip jeans to his place once and he screamed at me as a result. But he had his own preference as well, always liked me to wear camisoles and toga tops. But overall, he was more tolerant of what I wore. However he did not like me to put on heavy makeup, he always liked me to have a simple and natural look, some lipgloss and two-way powder with liquid blusher to create the dewy satin finish so prevalent of natural looks.

But are Singaporeans really not well-dressed in the first place? I have received feedback from people I know that people go to certain functions dressed in a certain way. People are either under-dressed or over-dressed. For instance, nowadays when people send out wedding invitations, they actually have to put down the dress code so as to prevent the guests coming in with jeans and T-shirts. But coming in jeans and T-shirt, whether collared or not, to a wedding dinner is really too casual and a downright disrespect to the couple. Jeans and T-shirt is alright if going out shopping or a movie, but to a formal wedding dinner? That is a big no-no! If anybody dares to come to my wedding dressed so casually, that person will not even be allowed in!

People also wear T-shirts and bermuda shorts to watch a play or musical. I have seen audiences at the Esplanade or Victoria Theatre clad in bermuda shorts. I always think that anybody going to watch a musical or play should at least dress appropriately. Bermuda shorts are too casual to enter an arts institution for exposure. Americans and British will enter a theatre or opera house dressed in tuxedos (for guys) and evening gowns (for ladies). The theatres here should really impose a certain dress code for patrons going to watch the act.

I see people going to church dressed very casually too. Since young, I always had the impression that one should always wear the "Sunday Best" attire to church as it marks respect to God. Thus, I always make sure I am approriately dressed. Of course I do not wear business suits to church, but at least I wear appropriate tops, skirts or dresses. Yet everyone around me wears jeans and T-shirt. This combination seems like a uniform for most Singaporeans. I feel so over-dressed when I go to church!

There are also the other extremes who dress up so nicely no matter where they are. I see people wearing high heels, halter tops and long skirts, with heavy makeup at the beach! Going to the beach is the best place to wear something casual. It is one of the few places where one can wear shorts, slippers or round-necked T-shirts without being thrown out! When I was at Bintan few years back, I wore nothing but halter tops and sarong skirts while touring the island, and my bikini and tankini while strolling or lounging at the beach.

Now what I really like to find out is the correct dressing to go clubbing. The few occasions when I went clubbing, I was either too under-dressed or over-dressed. The first time I went clubbing (Zouk) I wore a long-sleeved T-shirt with jeans and no makeup (too casual), the second time (the now-defunct Venom) I wore the same thing (also too casual since my friends have so many different colours on their faces), the third time (Zouk) I wore a strappy long dress with smoky makeup (seemed appropriate enough but could not help thinking I might be overdressed), the fourth time (China Black which took over Venom) I wore another long strappy dress with heavy makeup (which again I felt a bit too overdressed), the fifth time (IndoChine's Forbidden City) was with my opera chorus group after our Madame Butterfly performance, so I was in my office dress, and the sixth time (Zouk again), the most recent one, I was in a tube dress with heavy makeup (which my friend commented may not be suitable for clubbing). So I really wonder what is the proper attire to wear when going clubbing?

Performance Photos

The doctor practicing his lines

The milkmaid, Newspaper Boy and office girl

The funky mum

The diva with a too-modern contraption (unheard of in the 1940s!)

The air-stewardess of early days

The virtuous mum

The gypsy and the English lady

The milkmaid, dancer, schoolteacher and housewife

The rich lady

The labourers and street urchins in a "gambling den"

The serious academic

The fashionable mum and the school marm

The railway worker

Jitterbugging!

3 comedians? Or 3 Newspaper Boys?

The office clerk

The happy labourer

A labourer and a railway porter

Group Photo after the Performance
(Want to know where I am? I am not telling! :-D)

Our beloved Artistic Director with our beloved Pianist

Post-Performance Durian Feast (Finger-licking goood!!)

Whew! The performance is finally over! After almost three months of hard work and a week of intensive rehearsals, the performance closed with big applause. At least all the efforts were worth it. The operatta was set in 1940s immigrant New York, thus we had to wear clothes befitting that era and the various migrants we were supposed to be representing. The guys seemed to have it easier as we ladies were a bit stumped on what exactly to wear!

This performance proved even more special to me as it was the last one under my Artistic Director. The Lyric Opera is in the process of choosing a new Artistic Director, but meanwhile, we wanted to make this show as special to her as possible.

After the performance, we went down to Pregos at Raffles City for pizza and pasta, before heading to Geylang for a durian feast, as a little celebration to mark a show well done. Already looking forward to the next performance, wonder which one it will be.

Good Catch?

One of my closest friends finally got attached yesterday. Good for him! He was the one who introduced me to my third ex-boyfriend, who is his best friend. When my relationship was having problems, I talked to him about this issue, and he said if it was really no point to continue, I should make a decision. Whatever outcome, we will still be good friends and he will not blame me for it. He is a true friend to everyone.

While talking to my third ex last night, he said the girl is very lucky to get him. Well.... from personal experience, sometimes whoever is a "good catch" may not necessary be that true, as there are sides to the person which only the boyfriend or girlfriend can see. I am not saying that my friend is not a good catch; I know him well enough to know the type of person he is, since we have known each other from the time I was doing law (he was one of those that emailed me as he found my name "interesting"), and we have become very close confidantes to each other. All I am saying is that a good friend to everyone may not necessarily be a good boyfriend to the girl. Hence the saying "Never judge a book by its cover".

All my guys are like this, good friend to everyone, nice to everybody, but no one could ever expect the things they did to me. Like for my first guy, no one would ever expect he was so controlling, chauvinistic, or that he would ever be violent to me. For my second guy, no one would ever expect he could throw tantrums anytime he liked or that the girlfriend had to do his bidding all the time since he always appeared so gentlemanly and caring to everyone. For my third guy, no one would ever expect he would ever be this insensitive since he is what people will term as a SNAG. But all these aspects would only appear in front of the girlfriend. I know that in a relationship, one has to tolerate each other's bad points, but I will not stand for it again if the guy hit me or challenges my religious beliefs.

I have not come across anyone like my best friend's ex-boyfriend. He does not have that many close friends in the first place as he had always been the quiet solemn type. I did not have a good impression of him at first when she told me he was the one she liked, since she found him very "cool" looking. But once he enters a relationship, he really gives his all to the girl. He is nice and sweet to only those he deem as his closer friends, not to everyone. Thus it was a surprise to schoolmates when the two of them hooked up. But when I got to know him more, my impression of him became better especially since I witnessed just how well he treated her, and also me whenever I went out with them. Even now he only has a handful of real close friends, of which my best friend is one, and me another one, considering I was the one who had to help him through his messed-up state when she dumped him.

I have other friends who asked me why did I not fall for him since I want a guy who can give his all to me? Yes, why not? Simple reason - He is the ex-boyfriend of my best friend, and I am the best friend of his ex-girlfriend. We will never dream of getting together. I will never do that to any friend of mine. If only our relationship is a bit different, then I may have just gone after him. A pity but he seriously deserves a girl who can give her all to him, and I do not think I fit that criteria.

So is it better to find someone who is so super nice to everyone else, but may just turn out otherwise in a relationship? Or is it better to find someone whom no one can ever think of being with simply because the person looks rather aloof all the time? I seriously have no answer to that. But I guess whoever we choose, we just have to make sure it is a good decision and try to adapt accordingly to it and make things work out.

Old Habits Die Hard

I seem to be a very habitual person. Once I get into the habit or routine of something, it is hard to get out of the rut. My latest habit is to stay up late. Just few months back, I used to sleep earlier, before midnight. But that period of time when I was trying to get someone's attention, I started staying up late as he tend to stay up until very late (or very early?), so I would chat with him throughout until he finally decided to sleep. And since I started staying up more often, it is hard for me to sleep early now. But just as well since a lot of my friends stay up late too, and since we are all so busy with our own schedules and hard to find time to meet, online chatting is the only way to keep in touch and catch up with each other. It is much better than the phone as you can talk to many others simultaneously. Ah, the advantageous of modern advanced technology and instant messaging.

Another habit I like to break is to stop doing so much for others. This by itself is not a bad thing but I tend to go out of my way to help others, often facing disappointment and disillusionment as a result. The phrase "fair-weather friends" comes to mind. It is hard for me not to help others as my joy in life is derived from others' happiness especially since they are happy over something I have done for them. However I always tend to do so much to the extent of losing myself. How I wish I can just sometimes be a bit more heartless and expect others to help me out for once, then perhaps people will not always take me to be some sort of easy pushover.

Just like recently I loaned a few hundred bucks to a friend only for him to ask for a few more hundred. He never replied me after I told him I could not afford anymore as I just paid my bills. Further attemtps to contact him proved futile. I do not mind the money but I do not appreciate it if people take favours from me only to disappear. I do not like to be taken for a fool! I also have friends borrowing money from me to pay off their gold credit card bills. If they can afford a gold credit card, I do not see why they need to borrow from me in the first place since I am not even earning enough to own a single gold credit card! Do people think I am that filthy rich? Then who is to help me out when I run into trouble?

That is why my three most intimate friends are the ones who have been with me through thick and thin, ups and downs and supported me throughout my darkest moments. One is my best friend whom I got to know when we were registering for the same school after our 'O' Levels, the second is my godbrother, and the third is the brother of my primary school senior. I have a few other close friends as well, but these three are the ones who have been with me throughout a big significant part of my life and we have been through so much together that they are the ones I will trust with my life.

Meanwhile I need to confirm the caterers for a retro-themed party my friend and I are organising in September, see if I can get any drinks for the performers tonight (we are only given mineral water, not even food! So pathetic.), and ask that girlfriend of mine if her relationship issue is settled, despite the fact that I still do not feel that well myself. As I said, old habits die hard.

What Is In A Name?

There is an old adage "Every Tom, Dick or Harry." What is it about a person's name? So what if someone is called Tom, Dick or Harry? (Although the name Dick may create uproar where guys are concerned.) :-p

But should someone be judged by what he is called? After all, one always say not to judge a book by its cover, then we should not judge a person by his / her name. So what if Grace is not graceful? Or Harry is not hairy? Or May is not born in May? I know of parents (Chinese parents in particular) who gave their kids names incorporating words like "Dragon" (Long), "Strength" (Qiang), "Excellence" (Jie), "Handsome" (Jun), "Beauty" (Mei), etc, hoping the best of the kid. It is actually not wrong to name the kids nice names but the joke will be on the parents if the kids turn out to be totally opposite of their namesake.

My parents picked my name from a combination of two names. One represented the Patron Saint of Music, and the other means "heavenly beauty". In the past, no one believed my name was given by my parents; all thought I named myself after a Shakespeare character. If I had my own way, I would call myself "Jacqueline". Perhaps I will use that for my baptism name. Anyway, my parents combined both names together, hoping I will have both of the qualities, ie musically-inclined and having heavenly beauty. Yet I had neither. :-(

However, my name used to be the butt of jokes in primary school, because it can be mispronounced as something else in English (something that means "ditzy"), and also can be mispronounced as something worse in Hokkien (something that means "death"). During upper secondary Biology lessons, we learnt that a certain part of the human anatomy happened to have the same pronunciation but a different spelling from my name (just a difference of one letter). Needless to say, I was the butt of jokes again. As a result, I used to hate my name. In fact, I still dislike my name. I always wondered why my parents could not give me something nicer sounding, or something that sounds more feminine. The only reason why I am still keeping this name is because not many people have it, and besides, it is the name of one of my favourite Shakespeare characters.

I have met lots of people with unusual names. I like to think that my name is unusual too (as compared to a more popular variation with an additional syllable), because most people will pronounce it as the variation with the additional syllable. I believe those who know me will know only me as having the name. Incidentally, I have only come across one other person with the same name as me so far. That was probably why I used to receive lots of emails from guys throughout junior college and university from the intranet, as firstly, my full name is probably the shortest on the list; secondly, it is unusual, and thirdly, I was probably the only one in the entire school or campus with this name. In fact, most of the guys who used to email me all commented that they find my name unusual and they have not come across anyone else with the same name as me.

I have friends who have unusual names too, like Elkan (probably the only one in Singapore), Angelice (probably could not decide between Alice or Angeline), Damascus (wasn't he a Greek hero?), Janeiro, Galileo (were the parents hoping he would become a famous astronomer with new scientific theories? Perhaps this Galileo will suddenly discover that the Earth may be the Centre of the Universe after all, and the Sun, Moon and Stars all revolve around it. Which reminds me, I have to remember to catch the Mars getting close to Earth tomorrow midnight.), and even Archimedes (Eureka??)!

Recently I also got to know another person with a very unique name, probably the only one of its kind. His name is exactly the same as the current name of one of the offshore islands here, an island used as a British military base during the second World War when the Japanese were about to conquer Singapore. When Singapore was under the Japanese Occupation, this particular island was used as a massacre field, resulting in the former name which means "Island of Death", before it was changed to the current nicer sounding name.

So I guess the lesson is to choose a proper name for your children. People with unusual names get picked on all the time, whether to answer questions, or to fend off irritating people. I am speaking both from personal and friends' experiences. Please do not saddle your children with a name that will cause them to be a sad case for life.

Medical Leave Post

I think a break is what I really need. I am suddenly full of inspirations again. What an adverse effect of a headache, to be able to unlease everything at the same time. Well well if it is only through sickness that can overcome my writer's block, then I hope never to have any more writer's block ever again so I will not get sick.

I was reading through my two young cousins's blogs (found on my links - "Hold Me In Your Arms" by the 13-year-old one, and the other, erm "Little Cousin's Blog" by her 14-year-old sister) and found that secondary school kids seem to be enjoying themselves so much now. I enjoyed my secondary school days not because of the school work but due to the activities I was taking. I used to think my secondary school syllabus was so boring, but my cousins gave me an insight of their secondary school life (both from the same school incidentally). The elder one expressed her desire to enter the Integrated Programme, a newly set-up programme where smart younglings can cross over to a premier junior college without taking 'O' levels, and just skip right to 'A' levels after four years. She need not worry, considering she has two more elder sisters from the top girls secondary school and premier junior colleges, and both graduated with top honours from university. Smart family. How I envy them.

How I wish the Integrated Programme was established during my era! Knowing my mum, she would have pushed me towards that path, and I would not have minded actually. The programme is more interesting than normal curriculum as it is a combination of 'O' and 'A' level subjects. Anything to get out of taking 'O' levels altogether! :-p Then I would be able to just skip straight to my 'A' levels without incurring two boring years taking mostly subjects I disliked. I would have done anything to get out of Physics, Chemistry and Additional Mathematics classes, and given anything to take History and more Literature!

Off to see the doc, hopefully he gives me a strong enough medication to fight off the virus so I can be in a good enough state to perform later on.

Sick ....... But Still Performing :-(

I am finally sick, as I have guessed, due to my listlessness the past few days. My head and body are aching, my throat is hurting and I have a fever of 38 degrees. My body has finally broken down. Alas, I still have to do "Street Scene" tonight and tomorrow night. Luckily I am just part of the chorus, a small role, so I can just lip synch along. Imagine what a joke it will be if I am one of the main cast and practiced so hard just to fall sick on the performance day itself. But that is not the most worrying part. What is worse is that I just started work 2 weeks ago and already has to take medical leave. What an impression I am going to create!

Kind Comments From A Reader

One of my new readers just commented that he loves reading my blog. He says it is interesting, insightful, deep and intellectual. Really? I do not think it is that good. I mostly bitch about my experiences (more bad than good) and the events in my life. To say my blog is deep and insightful, well I am flattered actually, but he should see Sonic's blog as one that is really deep and insightful. He says the way I write shows that I am strong in my English, very expressive and flowy. I seriously do not think my English or the way I write is that fantastic. He has not seen other's blogs that's why. My English is mediocre compared to a lot of others.

He also commented that I seem like someone sophisticated and high-class. Gee, do I really give people this impression? I wonder what I said to create this impression? I am just a normal simple average girl. I thought I always said I like to lead a simple homely life? And why is it nobody believes me when I said I have writer's block nowadays? I seriously have no idea on what to blog about lately! How I wish I can unleash my creativity again. All my brain cells seem to be locked up lately, somehow my mind is just not functioning well.

Things That Piss You Off ...

Isn't it downright irritating when you offered a seat to a frail elderly lady, only to have it snatched away by a healthy-looking guy right under your very nose? I was taking the train home after my rehearsal earlier on when I saw an elderly lady came in from one of the stations, supported by her husband. She looked on the verge of fainting so I immediately offered her my seat. While in the midst of helping her to sit down, suddenly this guy pushed past us and just sat himself down on the seat I just vacated.

I was totally pissed! The lady definitely needed the seat more than him! He is just a middle-aged healthy-looking man! Surely a bit of standing would not hurt him? What was worse was that there were so many witnesses around, yet no one bothered to do anything, and no one else stood up to give up the seat. The guy still had the cheek to look at me with a smug expression when I glared at him! Have people really become such selfish, self-centred, inconsiderate pricks?! I feel so ashamed! I had to help support the lady the rest of the journey until she and her husband got off at their station.

I have never come across such a rude and unchivalrous guy. It is alright if he wanted to take a seat, but to take away a seat clearly offered to an elderly lady? That is really too much. It is not just downright ungentlemanly but disrespectful as well. And those people around who saw what happened but chose to do nothing were also just as disrespectful. He better not let me see him again! I will be able to remember how he looks like, so woe be to him if I ever run into him again!

Family Complications

There is this complicated estate case I am currently handling which really gives an example of how people in the same family can fall out over asset dispute. Even my boss himself is stumped as it is the first time he has come across such a case. It is not a breach of confidence if I state out the case as no names will be mentioned and I have never mentioned which company I am working in.

The case facts are as follows : Guy A got registered with Lady A. They were married for a year, but separated later on and never divorced. There was a daughter from the marriage, Girl A. Guy A then found a girlfriend Lady B and cohabited with her for more than thirty years, to which he had three children, two daughters, Girl B and Girl C, and a son, Boy A. Lady B was originally married to another guy, Guy C, who was a foreigner. They have also separated but never divorced before she cohabited with Guy A. Girls B and C and Boy A bore their mother’s surname as they were not entitled to their father’s name, since their parents were not married.

Lady A died a few years back. Guy A refused to acknowledge Girl A as his legal daughter and took all the assets of Lady A, refusing to give Girl A her rightful share. When Guy A died this year, Girl A immediately applied as administratrix of his estate, being his legal child. She was granted the administration. Guy A did not leave a will, which means all his assets (a rather sizable number) would legally go to Girl A. However, his three illegitimate children and live-in partner protested and wanted to contest the verdict. Girl A refused to give any of them a single share on the basis that she is the official child, and the rest are not.

So the question is, how to distribute the assets rightfully? Should the legal child take everything? Do the other children have the right to contest the verdict? Would it be fair if the court just distributes the assets equally among all the children and the live-in partner? All these would have been easier if Guy A had drawn up a will, stating exactly how he would like his estate to be distributed. Unfortunately he died intestate and that resulted in all these complications. What people will do just to get some more money. *Sigh*

It is all in the same family after all, must they fight until this state? Money can really make enemies out of best friends and close friends. That is why I am never calculative, as I always think the issue of money is very sensitive, and it will destroy even the closest of friends. Luckily all my close friends are nice and not calculative as well. But on the other hand, I believe I have done them more than enough favours for them not to be calculative with me. :-D

There are a lot of complicating family situations around. The most classic one must be a particular family of this set of twins my former colleague was teaching. Apparently the father was a drunkard and wife-beater, the mother just submitted and bore with all the abuse. There was an eldest girl, the first set of twin girls, the second set of twin boys (which my friend was teaching), and the youngest set of twin boys. How in the world can the couple produce so many sets of twins?! The complication was that the father womanized around and had a mistress outside. That itself was no big deal, but what shocked us was that the mistress actually moved in with the family and became the sole breadwinner since both parents were not working. Not only that, she took over the disciplinary role while the mother spent the days moping around. When the twin boys got into trouble in school, my friend called the mother in, but the mistress came with a cane and disciplined the kids while the rest of us teachers were bemused over the whole thing. How can any woman stand it? Does the mistress really need to lower herself to this status?

I guess every family has its ups and downs. I am glad that my family is at least normal, besides the fact that my brothers are abnormal in their own way, and my parents can be very insensitive at times, other than that there are no major complications. Still, I love and respect my family because they are my own kin. When I have my own kids next time, I will also inculcate family values in them.

Writer's Block?

Something seems to be wrong with me these few days. I feel extremely lethargic, emotionally and physically drained, no inclination to do anything, and my brain cells seem to have degenerated three-fold, resulting in me being confused more often than before (or what my country people will term as “blur”), and doing some things which only idiots will do. I have a serious case of writer’s block, for the first time in quite a while. Have my creative juices dried up? I have absolutely no idea what to blog these few days! Or am I coming down with something? The last time I felt this lethargic I became so sick that I had fever, body ache, giddiness and headache all in one for five days.

What have I been doing lately to be so tired? Nothing much actually, as in nothing much out of the ordinary. Just my normal routine of work during the weekdays, singing practice once or twice a week, bible class once a week, Sunday mass. It is not as if I have been working late either. In fact, I have been lucky enough to get off work on time so far, despite all the backlog of work which I need to clear up, and which I have finally cleared up yesterday. Besides sourcing for caterers for a party I am organizing in September and lending a listening ear to my friend (both of which are done when I am at home), nowadays it is either work, rehearsal, or home, except during the weekends when I go out with my friends. Even then it is not every weekend that I am tied up. My sleeping hours are also longer than before. Instead of my usual average 3 am sleeping time, nowadays I sleep about 1 am or so. Then why am I still so lethargic?! I do not even feel that tired in the past when I was in a relationship and had to run around with my guy. Just what is wrong with me lately?!

Of Memories And Love Letters

Below is an extract from my friend’s blog on her review of the movie “The Notebook”. It was part of the dialogue by the male lead to the female lead. I did not manage to watch the show, but I sure am going to get the DVD of it.

“Dearest, I couldn’t sleep last night because I know that it is over between us. I am not bitter anymore, because I know that what we had was real. And if in some distant place in the future we see each other in our new lives, I’ll smile at you with joy and remember how we spent the summer beneath the trees, learning from each other and growing in love. The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds, and that’s what you’ve given me. That’s what I hope to give to you forever. I love you. I’ll be seeing you.”

This reminds me of an extract from "The Bridges of Madison County", where Clint Eastwood said to Meryl Streep, "This type of feeling comes but only once in a lifetime." I believe no matter how many times a person falls in love throughout his / her lifetime, there will always be only one true love, the one he / she loves the most. Right now, I do not know if my true love is my second ex or the guy I gave up. But considering all the relationships I have been in, the one that I have loved and sacrificed the most would be my second guy. So when I really fell for that certain someone, I was in a way surprised that those feelings could actually resurface. I wonder if I can ever feel that strongly for another person again?

My friend's entry brought tears in my eyes, especially when it came to the dialogue part. It reminded me of the love letters my second ex and I used to write each other, and the poems we used to compose to each other (of course he is a much better writer and poet than me – my writings and poems all “cannot make it”). Ironically the very first letter I read from him was not to me but my good friend whom he was pursuing then. She showed me the letter and I remembered thinking he was such a sweet and romantic guy as it was such a touching letter. She still rejected him (I wondered why at that point in time, but now I realise she made a very wise move), the letter landed in my possession (because she remarked since I was so touched by the letter I could have it), I commented on the way his words flowed and we started writing letters to each other…. and that was how our entire history started.

When I was cleaning my room a while back, I came across all those letters, photos and poems, tied in a bundle and kept in three shoeboxes. That was how much we wrote to each other! In those “ancient” days where there were no mobile phones and the early days of the internet where there were no chat lines, besides talking on the phone, we wrote letters and emails to each other on our thoughts, opinions and events in our lives. It was like a long-distance relationship, except we were both not overseas. Due to us being busy with school work and activities, there were times when we hardly got to see each other. Sometimes when either of us reached home too late to call, we would write or leave a message page. Even the emails we sent to each other were printed out and carefully “archived”. Whenever either one of us were overseas, we would write to each other everyday, then exchange all the letters when we meet up again. Those were the sweet old days of youth.

I have been contemplating whether to throw away or burn all those documents. Afterall if I have really let go, even to the extent of willingly giving up my ring, why must I still keep those documents? I gave in to temptation and started reading all the letters and poems and looking through all the photos again, every single one of them. They still struck a raw chord in me, and I got to reminiscing about those days of love so true, and feelings so intense and pure. It is good to be young, to be idealistic and romantic. A pity adulthood changes people. It is hard to find a real grown up being really romantic and idealistic. But one of the lessons I learnt is not to find someone so romantic that he becomes such a ladies' man, as he can easily be sweet and romantic to just about anyone. Now I prefer a smart, knowledgeable, responsible and reliable guy above all else.

In the end, I bundled up and kept those documents properly in their respective places. I still do not have the heart to get rid of them. I just lost all my data (including emails and chatting logs) of my third ex and the guy I was after, and I am still so heart-broken over that. Never will I get rid of anything else, as those were the only links to my past, things and memories which are worth holding on to.

Love Notes ....

I hope my friend went off the phone last night with a more peaceful frame of mind. I do not mind lending a listening ear, but I honestly dislike trying to salvage people’s relationships. Firstly, I do not even know how to salvage mine (and others are no help as well). Secondly, it is just too complicated when it comes to relationships because ultimately only the couple can solve their own problems. However whenever any of my friends come to me with relationship problems, I always “advise” them to try to work things out. Afterall, it is already so hard to find someone who can click with you. Ultimately it is still their decision whether to give up or hang on. I do not wish to be in the situation where I get blamed by the dumpee for the breakup.

Being in love is essentially self-sacrificing. I always feel that when there comes a time when you do not think you want to do so much for your partner anymore, that is when the love fades. Often than not, people in love tend to do so much for the other person that they let the significant other run their lives, losing themselves in the process. That is unhealthy and not love, but possession. Relationships often borders on possession and love. The question is how to maintain a healthy balance?

My best friend remarked that the four years plus of her life when she was with her perfect ex-boyfriend were the best and most blessed ones she had. That was really self-sacrificing on his part, but he did not lose himself as well. He still spent time with his family, concentrated on his studies and worked during vacation. But his first priority was still her. That is why she told me if the guy is really into you, his first priority will be you no matter how busy he is. A pity such guys are almost extinct. Even my ex-boyfriends, no matter how good they have been to me, they have never been that into me like how my friend’s ex was into her. Rather I seem to be the one more into them.

How do you know you really love someone? Based on personal experience, the best answer is when you find you want to do everything for the person. My close friend married a Latin American who got posted to England. She gave up her job and followed him there, now thinking of learning Spanish as that is her husband’s Mother Tongue. She tried sourcing for language schools in England. When I asked why not ask her husband to teach her, she replied that he is busy with his work so she did not want to bother him. She wants to learn it to surprise him. How sweet! What really amazes me is that from a rich young mistress who got chauffeured around everywhere she went and shopped at the best stores, she gave up all these and became contented with just being a housewife in England. She told me she has to cook, clean the house, do the laundry, iron the clothes, take the Tube to go grocery shopping and have to stop impulsive buying as her husband is now earning for both of them, and things in England are more expensive than the ones here. A real ultimate sacrifice!

But I was something like that too, although I still cannot hold a candle to her. The period of time when I was pursuing someone, I wanted to cook for him, clean his place for him, massage him when he was tired, get involved in his activities, take up his Mother Tongue (he is a Chinese from another country), nurse him back to health when he was sick, and even wanted to provide him supper when he was working late at his office. He was one person I wanted to go through thick and thin with. Even now when things are not possible between us, I still take an interest in his life and still willing to help him with anything as I take him as a very good friend. Although my best friend said subconsciously I still have feelings for him, to which I denied vehemently. As far as I am concerned, he is just another good friend. But she said one of these days when I start to reflect I may realise I still like him deep down, as for the ten years or so she has known me, I am never one who can get over someone I really like in such a short time. Hmmmm……

I guess love is such that you have to constantly think about the other person. Notice I use “about”, not “of”. Just thinking of the other person may not necessarily constitute as love because I think of a lot of my friends too. But by thinking about the person, ie showing the utmost consideration to his / her actions, feelings, emotions, behaviour, etc, and being proactive in making the person happy, that is love.

Is The Guy Really Serious?

More saga of my friend's love life. She called me and was in tears. She said that when she looked through his Friendster profile, his status is "Single". I told her perhaps he has not updated it yet? Then she said his last login was 20 August, when they are already together. When she looked through all his testimonials, all his friends have very positive comments, and even the girls said he is very sweet, gentlemanly, willing to lend a listening ear, etc. Hmmmmm, now I wonder if he is the type who can be ultra good to his friends but not good to his girlfriend? What am I talking about - have I been influenced and become as sensitive as her?

So I told her since it was still the beginning of the relationship, maybe give it some time to grow. The seeds of love has been planted, now they have to be sown and grown. She should just wait and see and leave the guy alone to sort out his thinking. But the question is, is the guy really serious about her in the first place? Only he himself knows. If he is, then he will go look for her once he has sorted out his thinking. If he is not, then forget it, initiate a breakup and go look for others.

Gosh, I surprise myself sometimes. How did I become so rational and tactful? Then why am I always so irrational when it comes to my own relationships? What a bundle of contradictions I am! But then, human feelings and emotions are the hardest to handle using just rationality and tact alone. I, of all people, definitely know how powerful a person's emotions can be, and no amount of tact can ever match up to the feelings.

Relationship Lessons

For those of you who have been following my blog, you may notice that my number of posts seem to have decreased significantly. Apparently my friend and I both seem to have some sort of a mental block these few days. I wonder if it is due to all the clearing up of the backlog of work left behind by my predecessor in the office, leaving me too tired with my brain cells used up, or is it because I am losing my touch again? Or maybe this has been rather an uninteresting week so far with nothing much going on. Or is it because my memory is failing me? Nowadays it seems that I can hardly remember things that happened just a few hours before.

I have been feeling emotionally drained the past few days. It is going to be a busy week, with rehearsals every night from today until Thursday, and the “Street Scene” performance on Friday and Saturday. Besides that, I had been “counselling” this friend of mine on her relationship problems. I always ended up trying to help salvage others’ relationships, ironically why can I never salvage any of my own relationships? Probably this explains all the tiredness for the past week.

This friend of mine always claims she is very sensitive and emotional, especially when it comes to relationships. Thus the guy she is with must always reassure her of his love and attention. Hard to believe that there can be anyone else more sensitive or emotional than me. ;-p She said that ever since she agreed to be with the guy, he seemed to be ignoring her. I told her that probably he is really busy and not convenient to answer the phone.

She said that he never seemed to call her anymore, and the times when they do talk it was through instant messaging. So I said maybe he thought that instant messaging is enough since both of them talked for such a long time. Maybe for his part he thought since they have already chatted, it is not that necessary to call. She also said that she passed him her old mobile phone when his went out of order, but she never saw him using it. When questioned, he said the phone was charging. And they have already started for a month, but so far only actually went out twice, as he was on business trips all the time.

Even then, he never held her hand when they went out, even though she hinted at it. His reason was that he still felt a bit shy holding her. When she asked why he was so distant, he replied that he was tired and stressed from work, and told her she was too sensitive. She complained that she seems to be seeing her friends more than her own boyfriend. She even contemplated hiring a private investigator to check him out to see if he was cheating on her! Goodness! She really is too sensitive!

I told her that it was her choice to accept the guy after all, thus if she really feels he is worth it, then she must try to adapt and compromise according to his lifestyle, and trust him. Otherwise just give up and move on. One thing I learnt in a relationship is never to bug the guy too much. Guys need their own personal space for themselves. Never question what they need the space for; they just do.

A girlfriend should be understanding and sensitive to the guy’s moods and feelings, then react and behave accordingly. The guy will only become more averse to the girl if she expects too much from him by being too whiny and clingy. Being in a relationship does not necessary mean you need to call each other a few times a day, or go out with each other everyday. The important thing is that both of you have faith in each other and willing to grow with and commit to each other.

I may analyse all these from a rational point of view probably because my own relationship status right now is still in limbo. Perhaps when I fall in love again I may be even more sensitive and irrational than before. :-D But after going through a few failed relationships, I hope I have finally learnt how to really handle a relationship and be a good companion to the guy. I only hope I remember my lessons and not to make the same type of mistakes again.

Love Occurs .... When You Least Expect It

Someone I am acquainted with recently got married a few months back. I did not attend the wedding but witnesses who did said it was a very small wedding, only about five tables or so. It was the bride's first wedding. Trouble was, the bride and groom are both already in their fifties. It was only then that cupid struck. Although my friend and I were debating whether they should even bother to get married; just cohabit will do. I guess marriage just makes everything more official.

Another acquaintance of mine recently got attached, after weeks of moaning about being single. When he told me he would be having a night out with his "dar dar", my first reaction was, "Huh? So fast?" Wonder who he hooked up with. He promised to tell me about her the next time round. Well, we shall see.

Another friend of mine who broke up with his ex-girlfriend last year, found himself falling for another girl quite soon after, and now they are already married with a kid on the way. Seems like once thunder and lightning strikes, everything happens fast.

The thing I have come to realise is that one cannot go round looking for love. It is like the more you try to search, the more it eludes you. Maybe that was why I did not manage to get the guy I liked. If things happen, they will happen, just like my previous relationships. They happened before I even knew what was going on. Sometimes the right person may be just next to you and you may not even realise it.

One of my new colleagues remarked that maybe they should introduce me to my boss's son, who is 35 years of age and unmarried. They said my life will be set if I marry him, rich young master who lives off his dad, do not need to work, etc. But I brushed all their remarks off. I said firstly, I think 35 is too old for me. Secondly, what do I need so much money for? That does not make me lead a more meaningful and fulfilling life. Thirdly, if the guy lives off his dad's money and does not work, how stable, mature and independent is he? And besides, he is my boss's son! I do not wish to incur any complications in this type of relationships.

After all the emotional turmoil of recent weeks, I am pretty happy to be free for now. I have the freedom to do anything I like anytime I like. I do not need to cater to other's schedules, nor do I need to rush off after any appointment to meet up with the special someone. That said, I have not sworn off love altogether. I am still positive that things will happen, but I will let things happen when the time is ripe. I will not go around looking for it. After all, love do occurs at moments when you least expect it. And when that happens, I believe I will let it bloom again.

Of Gut Feelings And Intuitions

I have friends who are born with sixth sense, or what others term as “psychics”. There are times when I admire their ability, because they only need to see something or someone and suddenly determine if anything good or bad will happen. Although sometimes I think it is not too good to know too much about the future. What if the future is nothing but bleakness or emptiness? How can people enjoy each day as it comes when they know there is nothing to look forward to?

I am never one who has that uncanny ability to “see” things. However, I do have what people term a “woman’s intuition”. I survive most of my adult life by relying on my gut feeling. But is a woman’s intuition really accurate? So far it had proven to be pretty accurate for me and some of my girlfriends.

My close friend from NIE once sensed that another girl was after her then-boyfriend. It turned out to be true, but he was faithful to her. They still broke up in the end due to other differences. My best friend sensed that one of her ex-boyfriends was two-timing her, and it also turned out to be true. He later married the other girl.

How did I know my own intuition was true? When I had a strong feeling that my second ex-boyfriend was fooling around behind my back. When I had a feeling my parents might divorce earlier this year due to a misunderstanding, but also had a feeling the storm would be weathered (although I wonder is that all the faith my mum has for my dad after almost thirty years of marriage?). When I had the feeling that the certain someone and I could never be more than friends. All turned out to be true!

But when will someone’s gut feeling borders on hyper sensitivity? How do you know you are being too sensitive? Is a girl being too sensitive when her new-found boyfriend suddenly disappears for a few days just after confirming their relationship, and attempts to contact him are futile, although he had told her to be understanding when he cannot answer the phone or reply to her messages because he can be very busy at times? Or is she justified for having a gut feeling that he is not sincere about her after all? Is she again being too sensitive when her boyfriend finally asked her out but never held her hand the entire day, and when she asked him about it he said he was still shy? Or is her gut feeling right again that he does not really love her at all? And is she also being too sensitive when every time they do go out he said he was broke and asked her to pay, or is her gut feeling right that he is only making use of her?

In these cases, how would anyone know if her gut feeling is accurate? She herself is not even sure whether she is just being too sensitive and blowing things out of proportion. For me, as long as I have a very strong feeling about something, that normally turns out to be true. Although I admit I am too much of a worry wart at times, I do have a pretty accurate sense whenever I sense something is up. If I am confused, then that normally means things are alright and I am just being too sensitive.