Have you ever been in this situation where you do so much for a loved one only to suddenly hear him say he does not love you anymore? For a while I was on the verge of giving my third ex another chance. All of a sudden he told me he does not love me anymore. Then why mislead me in the first place?! He was so desperate to patch up at first, now why play with me and make me go on an emotional roller coaster?!
Just when I thought finally I have someone worthy I can give another chance to, he just proved it otherwise again. Or maybe it is just me - perhaps I am the unworthy one, that is why all my guys have no qualms even losing me. My second ex broke up with his next girlfriend, yet went begging her to patch back with him a few months later and they are together again. Yet when I went begging for him to take me back, he just refused. Maybe I am just too cheap.
Even for my most recent ex, he went begging for his ex-girlfriend to take him back. He asked me to take him back too but I told him I needed time. Now just when I am ready to seriously take him back, he had to say that in my face. Is it my fault that I asked for time?! If he does not love me anymore, why play with my feelings and break my heart again? As if my heart was not broken enough when I had to give up that particular person who totally treated me as if I was non-existent. Why make me waste my tears again on him?! I had already cried three times over him after the break up, now I am crying over him for the fourth time.
Can I ever find someone who will never make me cry? Can I ever find someone like my good friend who goes all out to do so much just for the girl he loves (and now honeymooning with probably the luckiest and most blessed girl in the world)? Ultimately why am I always the one who end up doing more and yet still get thrown aside? All the time, youth and tears I wasted over guys who could not even be bothered with me. Maybe I really should be a bitch before people can even take notice and respect me. WHY IS MY LIFE ALWAYS SO TOPSY-TURVY?! I feel a very strong chocolate attack coming up now .......
Just when I thought finally I have someone worthy I can give another chance to, he just proved it otherwise again. Or maybe it is just me - perhaps I am the unworthy one, that is why all my guys have no qualms even losing me. My second ex broke up with his next girlfriend, yet went begging her to patch back with him a few months later and they are together again. Yet when I went begging for him to take me back, he just refused. Maybe I am just too cheap.
Even for my most recent ex, he went begging for his ex-girlfriend to take him back. He asked me to take him back too but I told him I needed time. Now just when I am ready to seriously take him back, he had to say that in my face. Is it my fault that I asked for time?! If he does not love me anymore, why play with my feelings and break my heart again? As if my heart was not broken enough when I had to give up that particular person who totally treated me as if I was non-existent. Why make me waste my tears again on him?! I had already cried three times over him after the break up, now I am crying over him for the fourth time.
Can I ever find someone who will never make me cry? Can I ever find someone like my good friend who goes all out to do so much just for the girl he loves (and now honeymooning with probably the luckiest and most blessed girl in the world)? Ultimately why am I always the one who end up doing more and yet still get thrown aside? All the time, youth and tears I wasted over guys who could not even be bothered with me. Maybe I really should be a bitch before people can even take notice and respect me. WHY IS MY LIFE ALWAYS SO TOPSY-TURVY?! I feel a very strong chocolate attack coming up now .......
14 comments:
And you're supposed to start your new job later, aren't you? Not a good way to begin the day with such a negative thinking.
why think so much
wake up every day, say 'haro singapore!!' and just party all the way
Anon_X : Yes, I'm starting work today (in fact started already). Don't worry, I'm alright, just cried out everything and I'm fine already. Thanks for your concern.
Sausage : Your words are inspiring indeed. Thanks, I feel the day is going better already. :-)
That music, combined with your tragic post, is making me want to cry... and then jab a fork in my eye, deeply and forcefully, with much pride and conviction, until I poke my brain and die.
You should cheer up (and change that music). Just remember, when you feel sad, the Buddha said that all suffering is caused by desire.
I have found over the years that when people mess you up or play with your emotions and what not is not necessarily out of malice. Not that it makes it any better. But a lot of them are just so messed up themselves that they can't handle anything. I used to feel anger, now I feel pity. Good riddance...find someone who is not so emotionally scarred that he sabotages his own happiness.
Best of luck and good vibes on the way to you.
-N
Hi SH,
One door is shut and another opens. (from somewhere in Bible :P)
My advise is, pls don't try to pry open the shut door.
soehi : I won't be changing the music so soon cos it's my favourite tune. But thanks for your inspiring words. I agree sometimes I feel too much and cause my own suffering.
Natalie : Thanks for your encouragement and support!
Aquavitae : Thanks, the door is going to remain shut.
Well,
When I attended the Anthony Robbins talk (that swindler...) I got a good advice. When you are faced with a really huge decision, sit on it for 3 weeks. At the end of 3 weeks, you would know what is right for you. (Unfortunately, when it comes to relationships, either party could come to oppositing conclusion)
I wish I could be more like Johnny Bravo when it comes to 'pursuing and dealing with rejections'. Although his methods are well... dumb, he has the definite right attitude when it comes to dealing with rejections :D.
Johnny Bravo is a prick who thinks too highly of himself. But I go agree that because of his self-confidence (however exaggerate), it helos him deal with rejection and treat it as nothing.
Aww.. you're being too harsh on him.
Put it this way: he's very good to his momma :D He's just umm.. misguided.
He's still one of my fave 'new age' cartoon characters (aside from Dexter)
I still like Dexter!
Perhaps ur third ex had his reasons his actions? Does he know u have this blog up? I reckon this could affect his perspective if he does.
This may sound harsh, but as an avid reader of your blog, it appears to me you're craving for pity pie.
Pick yourslef up, face the world and move onward. The grass is always greener on another pasture.
Thanks for your support. Yes, he knows about my blog, but we've been through a lot more things, and he's the one who said he still want to be with me no matter what. Anyway I feel if you really love a person you will not let anything come in between your love. If he does not think I'm even worth waiting for or to win back, then so be it.
My blog is my truest self, where I can really lash out all my frustrations and emotions. I am not asking for anyone's pity, but it just so happens that my life seems to have more downs than ups, especially in recent times. I do hope for happier and more smooth-sailing events from now on.
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