Darn this bout of insomnia. I really wonder why I am so insomniac nowadays. Since my best friend and I were discussing about relationships in general earlier on, there were two other issues that came up :
1. Can a person's love be stronger than his religion?
2. Should you hit the person you love? (to be fully dealt with in my next post)
The friend we met for movie earlier on broke up with his girlfriend of eight years last year, just a few weeks before they registered their marriage. We were all school mates together. Initially I did not have a good impression of him as he used to be rather chauvinistic. But when he started with the girl, he really changed. He became someone submissive and gentle. I started to change my impression of him after that.
They broke up not because they could not get along anymore, but more because of religion. He is a pure Chinese and an Atheist, and she is half-Malay, half-Chinese. She is a Muslim by name as her family does not really practice the faith. When they were about to get married, he did not wish to convert, so she wanted to give up her religion since she does not practice it anyway.
Unfortunately, her father suffered a stroke and became rather ailing and difficult. So he told her if she renounced her religion, it would be tantamount to renouncing him, and he would never see her again. Her mother, in order not to affect her father's already ill health, told her to listen to whatever her father requested. Thus, she made the very painful decision of breaking up with her boyfriend. It is really so sad, to come so close and in the end still cannot be together. My best friend actually made a remark later that maybe with her father gone, both could still end up together.
But if one really loves a person, does religion matter? It matters to me at least. I used to think it does not matter, but I realised how difficult it is to be with someone who does not share the same faith as you. I will definitely not give up what I believe in, so even if I end up with someone who is a free-thinker, he must love me enough to convert or at least respect my religion. Still, it is one's free will whether to convert, but if one loves his / her partner deeply enough, he / she will convert.
I know a few cases where people do convert for love. I have a friend who is also a half-Malay, half-Chinese. His mother converted just for the sake of getting married. In the end, his family does not really practice as well. When his brother got married a few years back, the wife is a Chinese and did not wish to convert, thus the brother actually renounced his faith just to marry the girl in a normal civil ceremony, otherwise they would have to marry under the Registry of Muslim Marriages.
I have another friend who was a Peranakan Chinese by birth but married a Malay. She also converted. In her case, her husband is more staunch, so she has to practice the religion together with him. However her husband is pretty compromising as well, so whenever they go back to her family, he will still eat with them. The family, in turn, make sure they buy and cook halal food whenever the couple go over.
Is religion really an issue then? I guess it all boils down to the individual. I believe it is far more important to be able to find someone you can really get along and spend the life with. Some people are willing to make sacrifices and compromises. Perhaps conversion is one way to test if you really love the person. As I said, it is a person's choice whether to convert.
For me, I have gone through a lot to be a Catholic. Now, I am finally on the way of getting baptised. Thus I will not convert because once I have made up my mind to be baptised, I have already pledged myself to just one God. Even if I meet someone of another religion, it does not mean I love him any less just because I am not willing to convert. Therefore, to avoid all these problems again, it is still best if I find someone who is also a Catholic, or at least someone who does not mind me being a Catholic and church-goer and living the Catholic way of life.
P.S. Coming up next ..... Bi-centenary Post!
1. Can a person's love be stronger than his religion?
2. Should you hit the person you love? (to be fully dealt with in my next post)
The friend we met for movie earlier on broke up with his girlfriend of eight years last year, just a few weeks before they registered their marriage. We were all school mates together. Initially I did not have a good impression of him as he used to be rather chauvinistic. But when he started with the girl, he really changed. He became someone submissive and gentle. I started to change my impression of him after that.
They broke up not because they could not get along anymore, but more because of religion. He is a pure Chinese and an Atheist, and she is half-Malay, half-Chinese. She is a Muslim by name as her family does not really practice the faith. When they were about to get married, he did not wish to convert, so she wanted to give up her religion since she does not practice it anyway.
Unfortunately, her father suffered a stroke and became rather ailing and difficult. So he told her if she renounced her religion, it would be tantamount to renouncing him, and he would never see her again. Her mother, in order not to affect her father's already ill health, told her to listen to whatever her father requested. Thus, she made the very painful decision of breaking up with her boyfriend. It is really so sad, to come so close and in the end still cannot be together. My best friend actually made a remark later that maybe with her father gone, both could still end up together.
But if one really loves a person, does religion matter? It matters to me at least. I used to think it does not matter, but I realised how difficult it is to be with someone who does not share the same faith as you. I will definitely not give up what I believe in, so even if I end up with someone who is a free-thinker, he must love me enough to convert or at least respect my religion. Still, it is one's free will whether to convert, but if one loves his / her partner deeply enough, he / she will convert.
I know a few cases where people do convert for love. I have a friend who is also a half-Malay, half-Chinese. His mother converted just for the sake of getting married. In the end, his family does not really practice as well. When his brother got married a few years back, the wife is a Chinese and did not wish to convert, thus the brother actually renounced his faith just to marry the girl in a normal civil ceremony, otherwise they would have to marry under the Registry of Muslim Marriages.
I have another friend who was a Peranakan Chinese by birth but married a Malay. She also converted. In her case, her husband is more staunch, so she has to practice the religion together with him. However her husband is pretty compromising as well, so whenever they go back to her family, he will still eat with them. The family, in turn, make sure they buy and cook halal food whenever the couple go over.
Is religion really an issue then? I guess it all boils down to the individual. I believe it is far more important to be able to find someone you can really get along and spend the life with. Some people are willing to make sacrifices and compromises. Perhaps conversion is one way to test if you really love the person. As I said, it is a person's choice whether to convert.
For me, I have gone through a lot to be a Catholic. Now, I am finally on the way of getting baptised. Thus I will not convert because once I have made up my mind to be baptised, I have already pledged myself to just one God. Even if I meet someone of another religion, it does not mean I love him any less just because I am not willing to convert. Therefore, to avoid all these problems again, it is still best if I find someone who is also a Catholic, or at least someone who does not mind me being a Catholic and church-goer and living the Catholic way of life.
P.S. Coming up next ..... Bi-centenary Post!
8 comments:
I feel that religion, should not in any way or form, come in between a marriage. Unfortunately, there are many in the society that think otherwise.
I would be ok with my future wife having a different religion than mine as long as she's not going to try and convert me, ever. And that might prove difficult on her side.
I do however, see potential problems with the monotheistic religions when it comes to children in the future. Shall the kid follow the mother's or the father's religion? (I would leave it up to my kid to choose, just like my dad who left the choice to me although he's a very devoted Buddhist)
I am currently a free-thinker. But I am leaning towards Buddhism (as in I feel a lot more comfortable in a temple compared to a church or a mosque)
The children part is true. I would like my children to follow my beliefs, although in the end I will leave it to them to choose. There are cases where people of different religions got married without eitehr party converting. Maybe it just depends how they want to work things out.
scary.. i just realize how similar I am with ole'wolvie... who are you? =P
Well, I totally agree with his opinion now. I am also in the situation where I'm a free thinker, but I see no qualm of having future wife in any religions, as long as she respect my faith as well. It has to be reprocical in faiths as well.
And yes, I just want to bring up the issues with children, but I guess it has been covered up there.. =)
Ole Wolvie & Asen : All I know is that both of you came from the same country, and probably know the same friends, so perhaps you two already know each other without knowing? :-D
well... we'll see ;)
Hi, first time dropping by. I'm actually in a similar situation to the one described in your entry. Tho I wouldn't dwell too much on the details...but I'd just like to know...
Is it even possible to renounce Islam in Singapore or Malaysia? (the person is born into the religion)
Cheers,
b
Hi b, thanks for dropping by. I'm not too sure about Malaysian laws regarding the Islanmic religion though, although I suspect the laws there are probably much stricter than the ones in Singapore.
I do know of people in Singapore who has renounced the religion despite being born into it. They had to go to the Syariah (Muslim) Court and talk to one of the officers there, and must state very strong reasons why they want to renounce.
For my friend's case, he is a half Chinese so even though his religion is stated as Muslim, he had never practiced it at all or live the Islamic way. SO he went to talk to one of the officers of the Syariah Court and said he has nver practiced the religion, he eats things like pork chop, etc, thus he rather renounce so he can marry in a normal civil ceremony instead of a Muslim ceremony.
Hope this information is useful to you. All the best!
Thanks for the info shakespeareheroine. Glad you have helped me with that. You take care too ^_^
Cheers,
b
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