I hope my friend went off the phone last night with a more peaceful frame of mind. I do not mind lending a listening ear, but I honestly dislike trying to salvage people’s relationships. Firstly, I do not even know how to salvage mine (and others are no help as well). Secondly, it is just too complicated when it comes to relationships because ultimately only the couple can solve their own problems. However whenever any of my friends come to me with relationship problems, I always “advise” them to try to work things out. Afterall, it is already so hard to find someone who can click with you. Ultimately it is still their decision whether to give up or hang on. I do not wish to be in the situation where I get blamed by the dumpee for the breakup.
Being in love is essentially self-sacrificing. I always feel that when there comes a time when you do not think you want to do so much for your partner anymore, that is when the love fades. Often than not, people in love tend to do so much for the other person that they let the significant other run their lives, losing themselves in the process. That is unhealthy and not love, but possession. Relationships often borders on possession and love. The question is how to maintain a healthy balance?
My best friend remarked that the four years plus of her life when she was with her perfect ex-boyfriend were the best and most blessed ones she had. That was really self-sacrificing on his part, but he did not lose himself as well. He still spent time with his family, concentrated on his studies and worked during vacation. But his first priority was still her. That is why she told me if the guy is really into you, his first priority will be you no matter how busy he is. A pity such guys are almost extinct. Even my ex-boyfriends, no matter how good they have been to me, they have never been that into me like how my friend’s ex was into her. Rather I seem to be the one more into them.
How do you know you really love someone? Based on personal experience, the best answer is when you find you want to do everything for the person. My close friend married a Latin American who got posted to England. She gave up her job and followed him there, now thinking of learning Spanish as that is her husband’s Mother Tongue. She tried sourcing for language schools in England. When I asked why not ask her husband to teach her, she replied that he is busy with his work so she did not want to bother him. She wants to learn it to surprise him. How sweet! What really amazes me is that from a rich young mistress who got chauffeured around everywhere she went and shopped at the best stores, she gave up all these and became contented with just being a housewife in England. She told me she has to cook, clean the house, do the laundry, iron the clothes, take the Tube to go grocery shopping and have to stop impulsive buying as her husband is now earning for both of them, and things in England are more expensive than the ones here. A real ultimate sacrifice!
But I was something like that too, although I still cannot hold a candle to her. The period of time when I was pursuing someone, I wanted to cook for him, clean his place for him, massage him when he was tired, get involved in his activities, take up his Mother Tongue (he is a Chinese from another country), nurse him back to health when he was sick, and even wanted to provide him supper when he was working late at his office. He was one person I wanted to go through thick and thin with. Even now when things are not possible between us, I still take an interest in his life and still willing to help him with anything as I take him as a very good friend. Although my best friend said subconsciously I still have feelings for him, to which I denied vehemently. As far as I am concerned, he is just another good friend. But she said one of these days when I start to reflect I may realise I still like him deep down, as for the ten years or so she has known me, I am never one who can get over someone I really like in such a short time. Hmmmm……
I guess love is such that you have to constantly think about the other person. Notice I use “about”, not “of”. Just thinking of the other person may not necessarily constitute as love because I think of a lot of my friends too. But by thinking about the person, ie showing the utmost consideration to his / her actions, feelings, emotions, behaviour, etc, and being proactive in making the person happy, that is love.
Being in love is essentially self-sacrificing. I always feel that when there comes a time when you do not think you want to do so much for your partner anymore, that is when the love fades. Often than not, people in love tend to do so much for the other person that they let the significant other run their lives, losing themselves in the process. That is unhealthy and not love, but possession. Relationships often borders on possession and love. The question is how to maintain a healthy balance?
My best friend remarked that the four years plus of her life when she was with her perfect ex-boyfriend were the best and most blessed ones she had. That was really self-sacrificing on his part, but he did not lose himself as well. He still spent time with his family, concentrated on his studies and worked during vacation. But his first priority was still her. That is why she told me if the guy is really into you, his first priority will be you no matter how busy he is. A pity such guys are almost extinct. Even my ex-boyfriends, no matter how good they have been to me, they have never been that into me like how my friend’s ex was into her. Rather I seem to be the one more into them.
How do you know you really love someone? Based on personal experience, the best answer is when you find you want to do everything for the person. My close friend married a Latin American who got posted to England. She gave up her job and followed him there, now thinking of learning Spanish as that is her husband’s Mother Tongue. She tried sourcing for language schools in England. When I asked why not ask her husband to teach her, she replied that he is busy with his work so she did not want to bother him. She wants to learn it to surprise him. How sweet! What really amazes me is that from a rich young mistress who got chauffeured around everywhere she went and shopped at the best stores, she gave up all these and became contented with just being a housewife in England. She told me she has to cook, clean the house, do the laundry, iron the clothes, take the Tube to go grocery shopping and have to stop impulsive buying as her husband is now earning for both of them, and things in England are more expensive than the ones here. A real ultimate sacrifice!
But I was something like that too, although I still cannot hold a candle to her. The period of time when I was pursuing someone, I wanted to cook for him, clean his place for him, massage him when he was tired, get involved in his activities, take up his Mother Tongue (he is a Chinese from another country), nurse him back to health when he was sick, and even wanted to provide him supper when he was working late at his office. He was one person I wanted to go through thick and thin with. Even now when things are not possible between us, I still take an interest in his life and still willing to help him with anything as I take him as a very good friend. Although my best friend said subconsciously I still have feelings for him, to which I denied vehemently. As far as I am concerned, he is just another good friend. But she said one of these days when I start to reflect I may realise I still like him deep down, as for the ten years or so she has known me, I am never one who can get over someone I really like in such a short time. Hmmmm……
I guess love is such that you have to constantly think about the other person. Notice I use “about”, not “of”. Just thinking of the other person may not necessarily constitute as love because I think of a lot of my friends too. But by thinking about the person, ie showing the utmost consideration to his / her actions, feelings, emotions, behaviour, etc, and being proactive in making the person happy, that is love.
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