I am sick of giving in all the time. I always try my best to help people - at home, at work, among my friends, even among strangers. Especially to the people I love. What do I always get in the end? Nothing! Only trouble and inconvenience. I have put up with a decade's worth of backstabbing and frustration, yet why am I still so soft-hearted and offer help whenever I see anyone in need? Do I even get appreciated at all? People just forget about you and what you did once they got their problems solved.
It all started after secondary school. There was an essay I wrote on Shakespeare, which I showed to a friend of mine who needed help on the topic. The next thing I knew, my entire essay was put onto the school's public forum, under her name. I discovered it only when I have already submitted the essay. In the end, she got an 'A' and I was accused of plagiarism and made to re-do the whole thing. It was all my research and ideas! I refused to re-do and failed that particular assignment.
Things did not end there. I helped my first ex with all his reports and essays. I gave him all my best ideas and helped him write out all his essays. As a result, I left the mediocre ideas for myself and submitted haphazard work. The moment he stopped needing my help, ie guaranteed an 'A' in his examinations, he stopped seeing me. Then who was to help me with my work in that case?! I was already on the verge of failing and have been warned several times by my tutors. I was left alone to struggle by myself, although my good friends did chip in and tried to help me catch up on my work, and for that I was eternally grateful.
When I went to law school, the same thing happened. I wrote out a criminology report which included many references from old English case laws. Again, I did not learn my lesson. I showed the references to one of my tutorial mates who claimed she did not know how to find the cases. I did not know she submitted the report one day before me, so as a result, I was accused of plagiarism again. I explained to the tutor how I got the references, ie researched on the Net and went into the library system and checked out case books. I admitted I had a little help from my second ex as well for that report. When my tutorial mate was asked how she got the references, she said she went all the way down to the Subordinate Courts library and checked out all the case books there. Isn't that just downright irritating? This was not even a stab in the back, she was doing it right in front of me! Since she submitted earlier, the lecturer thought her report was the gospel's truth and gave her an 'A'. He did not make me re-do, but dropped my grade to a 'D'.
Even in NIE, I was backstabbed by the Secretary of the Trainee Teacher's Council for which I was Treasurer for. I had to submit a monthly report on the expenses incurred and what activities we were involved in. The report was such that it was on a standard form. No names were needed. Due to my hectic schedule, sometimes I did not have the time to go to the main office to submit the report to our Advisor. The Secretary offered to help me out and submitted two reports for me. After that, she told me I did not need to do the reports anymore as the Advisor thought it unnecessary. Later on I found out she said the reports were done by her and the Advisor was very impressed by the comprehensive report and wanted her to continue with the good work. I took time out of my already busy schedule to churn out the "comprehensive" report, and she just took the credit for herself?! She became the President next year and removed me from her Committee, which was just as well as I preferred to be more involved in the Catholic Students' Apostolate group anyway.
During the vacation, I went down to check out time-tables and tutorial timings and venues. Out of goodwill, I checked the schedule for my cohort, and e-mailed the entire schedule, including examination time-table, to whoever I know. Normally this happened during the middle of vacation, before the signing up of modules. There was one time when I happened to go down a little later. The very next day, I had a bombardment of e-mails asking me whether I had the schedule out and when I would go down. I had to take time to go down and did people favours by letting them know so they would not incur the trouble to go down. Nobody ever thanked me for that, yet people started asking me about the next semester's schedules? If they were so anxious, why couldn't they go down and check the schedules for themselves?!
The worst time was when I started teaching. I set up the choir all by myself, coordinated the entire Arts Programme, and took charge of the President's Challenge Heart Bus Fund-Raising activites. I stated out ideas on how to let students be more exposed to the areas of Performing Arts. During one meeting, a particular colleague of mine presented all MY ideas as her own, getting the Principal very impressed with her.
From what I heard, she told the Principal my choir sucked big time as the students could not sing. Did she think singing and voice projection is so easy? Even for me, I am still not at the level where I can fully project my voice and sing that well. She tore my Arts Programme activities to shreds, and the very next year, she was solely in charge of the Arts Programme as my Principal told me not to interfere with that anymore. Even my fund-raising activities were given to others.
My choir? I was only assisting, not in charge anymore. Those were all my babies, yet all were mercilessly taken away! Did the Principal even know how much I did and how much work I put in? My teaching peer told me must be because I did not speak up on what I did, so others could think they could take all the credit. For me, I never believed in speaking up for what I did. What for show off what you do? I always feel that as long as you know what you did was to the best of your ability and have contributed your best, that was all that matters.
Apparently, it seemed as if others still preferred backstabbing b****es who only know how to claim others glory to those who have really achieved something. What really upset me was that if we are to be teachers that show good examples and be role models to the students, what type of values will she be showing or teaching her students from the way she behaves?
Even now, while helping friends with assignments and reviews, instead of being appreciated, I got put down by the so-called lousy content I came up with. I was questioned why I wrote this way, why I gave this opinion, etc. If people do not like the way I help them, then please do not come ask me again! They can jolly well do the things themselves!
I know I should not be so calculative since I was the one who offered help, but in all fairness, besides not receiving any word of thanks from my good friends, nobody ever offered to help me whenever I really needed. As much as I could, I tried to handle my own problems myself, but whenever I was too overwhelmed and really need a helping hand, I had to go around begging for help. It made me feel so embarrassed. Even then, not many people were able to help me out. So most of the time I really ended up sinking and barely made it to the surface.
So should I continue being a giver? Or should I just be a b****? It seems as if givers do not seem to go far in life. Yet b****es seem to thrive and prosper anywhere. I know life is never fair, but sometimes I really wish I can be given my due. It is so frustrating when the very people you help out turn around and give you three stabs in the back. The Bible says to always do the right thing and turn the other cheek, but sometimes I really wonder what use is it if you always do the right thing and get screwed in the end? Maybe I should learn to be more b****y, then perhaps I can then be more well-liked by others and be more successful?
It all started after secondary school. There was an essay I wrote on Shakespeare, which I showed to a friend of mine who needed help on the topic. The next thing I knew, my entire essay was put onto the school's public forum, under her name. I discovered it only when I have already submitted the essay. In the end, she got an 'A' and I was accused of plagiarism and made to re-do the whole thing. It was all my research and ideas! I refused to re-do and failed that particular assignment.
Things did not end there. I helped my first ex with all his reports and essays. I gave him all my best ideas and helped him write out all his essays. As a result, I left the mediocre ideas for myself and submitted haphazard work. The moment he stopped needing my help, ie guaranteed an 'A' in his examinations, he stopped seeing me. Then who was to help me with my work in that case?! I was already on the verge of failing and have been warned several times by my tutors. I was left alone to struggle by myself, although my good friends did chip in and tried to help me catch up on my work, and for that I was eternally grateful.
When I went to law school, the same thing happened. I wrote out a criminology report which included many references from old English case laws. Again, I did not learn my lesson. I showed the references to one of my tutorial mates who claimed she did not know how to find the cases. I did not know she submitted the report one day before me, so as a result, I was accused of plagiarism again. I explained to the tutor how I got the references, ie researched on the Net and went into the library system and checked out case books. I admitted I had a little help from my second ex as well for that report. When my tutorial mate was asked how she got the references, she said she went all the way down to the Subordinate Courts library and checked out all the case books there. Isn't that just downright irritating? This was not even a stab in the back, she was doing it right in front of me! Since she submitted earlier, the lecturer thought her report was the gospel's truth and gave her an 'A'. He did not make me re-do, but dropped my grade to a 'D'.
Even in NIE, I was backstabbed by the Secretary of the Trainee Teacher's Council for which I was Treasurer for. I had to submit a monthly report on the expenses incurred and what activities we were involved in. The report was such that it was on a standard form. No names were needed. Due to my hectic schedule, sometimes I did not have the time to go to the main office to submit the report to our Advisor. The Secretary offered to help me out and submitted two reports for me. After that, she told me I did not need to do the reports anymore as the Advisor thought it unnecessary. Later on I found out she said the reports were done by her and the Advisor was very impressed by the comprehensive report and wanted her to continue with the good work. I took time out of my already busy schedule to churn out the "comprehensive" report, and she just took the credit for herself?! She became the President next year and removed me from her Committee, which was just as well as I preferred to be more involved in the Catholic Students' Apostolate group anyway.
During the vacation, I went down to check out time-tables and tutorial timings and venues. Out of goodwill, I checked the schedule for my cohort, and e-mailed the entire schedule, including examination time-table, to whoever I know. Normally this happened during the middle of vacation, before the signing up of modules. There was one time when I happened to go down a little later. The very next day, I had a bombardment of e-mails asking me whether I had the schedule out and when I would go down. I had to take time to go down and did people favours by letting them know so they would not incur the trouble to go down. Nobody ever thanked me for that, yet people started asking me about the next semester's schedules? If they were so anxious, why couldn't they go down and check the schedules for themselves?!
The worst time was when I started teaching. I set up the choir all by myself, coordinated the entire Arts Programme, and took charge of the President's Challenge Heart Bus Fund-Raising activites. I stated out ideas on how to let students be more exposed to the areas of Performing Arts. During one meeting, a particular colleague of mine presented all MY ideas as her own, getting the Principal very impressed with her.
From what I heard, she told the Principal my choir sucked big time as the students could not sing. Did she think singing and voice projection is so easy? Even for me, I am still not at the level where I can fully project my voice and sing that well. She tore my Arts Programme activities to shreds, and the very next year, she was solely in charge of the Arts Programme as my Principal told me not to interfere with that anymore. Even my fund-raising activities were given to others.
My choir? I was only assisting, not in charge anymore. Those were all my babies, yet all were mercilessly taken away! Did the Principal even know how much I did and how much work I put in? My teaching peer told me must be because I did not speak up on what I did, so others could think they could take all the credit. For me, I never believed in speaking up for what I did. What for show off what you do? I always feel that as long as you know what you did was to the best of your ability and have contributed your best, that was all that matters.
Apparently, it seemed as if others still preferred backstabbing b****es who only know how to claim others glory to those who have really achieved something. What really upset me was that if we are to be teachers that show good examples and be role models to the students, what type of values will she be showing or teaching her students from the way she behaves?
Even now, while helping friends with assignments and reviews, instead of being appreciated, I got put down by the so-called lousy content I came up with. I was questioned why I wrote this way, why I gave this opinion, etc. If people do not like the way I help them, then please do not come ask me again! They can jolly well do the things themselves!
I know I should not be so calculative since I was the one who offered help, but in all fairness, besides not receiving any word of thanks from my good friends, nobody ever offered to help me whenever I really needed. As much as I could, I tried to handle my own problems myself, but whenever I was too overwhelmed and really need a helping hand, I had to go around begging for help. It made me feel so embarrassed. Even then, not many people were able to help me out. So most of the time I really ended up sinking and barely made it to the surface.
So should I continue being a giver? Or should I just be a b****? It seems as if givers do not seem to go far in life. Yet b****es seem to thrive and prosper anywhere. I know life is never fair, but sometimes I really wish I can be given my due. It is so frustrating when the very people you help out turn around and give you three stabs in the back. The Bible says to always do the right thing and turn the other cheek, but sometimes I really wonder what use is it if you always do the right thing and get screwed in the end? Maybe I should learn to be more b****y, then perhaps I can then be more well-liked by others and be more successful?
10 comments:
Hoo boy.
I have never had my work 'taken away' from me like you did yours, and I have never taken credit for a work that was not done by me.
But this post did start me thinking of what can be done to 'safeguard' against such incidents.
IMHO, if one allows others to hurt oneself (ie. not fighting back, not standing up for oneself, not fighting for one's credit when one deserves it etc), one cannot blame others entirely for the harm caused. Others are low to take advantage, but ultimately one has the responsibility to take care of oneself, to stand up and fight for one's right. Ever wondered why some are taken advantage of more than others? Soft soil is more fun to dig.
If others do not appreciate your help, simply do not help them in the future. Still helping and blaming them for not appreciating is just going to keep this vicious circle going.
Ps: nice blog. Hope things will go better for you.
Err...I think this is a cue for us, readers, to say thank you for the blogger for diligently posting her entries (Everyone says thanks to Shakespeareheroine).
On a serious note, while your naivety in the past (referring to paragraph 2 and 3) is excusable, you should have learnt your lessons and be more cautious (flashback to paragraph 4 to 8). Get used to firmly say No to those ingratitude, back-stabbing so-called friends or colleagues.
To stoop to their level (Read: a bitch? Never fancy those asterisks, anyway) may indeed make you 'thrive and prosper anywhere'.
But will it make you happy?
Hi SH, agree with anonymous_x..
.....whole-heartedly!
Ole Wolvie : You have been very lucky, either that or you know how to handle things. Looking forward to see your tips on "safeguarding" against such things! (Hint hint)
Ly : Thanks for reading and your support. You are right in what you said, maybe because I am just too soft-hearted or too much of a pushover. Should learn to be more assertive.
Anon_X, Aquavitae : True, it will not make me happy. So I guess I have to learn how to assert and handle things better to prevent such incidents again.
Well, my opinion is: You are a kind and gentle person. You'd like to help other people on the expense of yourself. That's good, and nothing is wrong for being good.
However, it is a jungle out there. There are a lot of scumbags who tried to take advantage of 'kind' people especially naive... My point is, you should continue your kindness, but learn to protect yourself from all predators in the jungle. In other words, learn to be 'street-smart', to be 'non-naive' person... It will do you good in the end.
You don't need to stoop to their level as you said you won't be happy there either. However, learn to protect yourself from now onwards, it is very important to survive in the rough jungle out there =)
Sen : Thanks for your inspiring words. I still have a lot to learn.
You should check out this book - may provide some insight in to whether or not you should start demonstrating more self-ish actions.. www.whenthebodysaysno.ca
Thanks, will check it out.
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