Of Memories And Love Letters

Below is an extract from my friend’s blog on her review of the movie “The Notebook”. It was part of the dialogue by the male lead to the female lead. I did not manage to watch the show, but I sure am going to get the DVD of it.

“Dearest, I couldn’t sleep last night because I know that it is over between us. I am not bitter anymore, because I know that what we had was real. And if in some distant place in the future we see each other in our new lives, I’ll smile at you with joy and remember how we spent the summer beneath the trees, learning from each other and growing in love. The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds, and that’s what you’ve given me. That’s what I hope to give to you forever. I love you. I’ll be seeing you.”

This reminds me of an extract from "The Bridges of Madison County", where Clint Eastwood said to Meryl Streep, "This type of feeling comes but only once in a lifetime." I believe no matter how many times a person falls in love throughout his / her lifetime, there will always be only one true love, the one he / she loves the most. Right now, I do not know if my true love is my second ex or the guy I gave up. But considering all the relationships I have been in, the one that I have loved and sacrificed the most would be my second guy. So when I really fell for that certain someone, I was in a way surprised that those feelings could actually resurface. I wonder if I can ever feel that strongly for another person again?

My friend's entry brought tears in my eyes, especially when it came to the dialogue part. It reminded me of the love letters my second ex and I used to write each other, and the poems we used to compose to each other (of course he is a much better writer and poet than me – my writings and poems all “cannot make it”). Ironically the very first letter I read from him was not to me but my good friend whom he was pursuing then. She showed me the letter and I remembered thinking he was such a sweet and romantic guy as it was such a touching letter. She still rejected him (I wondered why at that point in time, but now I realise she made a very wise move), the letter landed in my possession (because she remarked since I was so touched by the letter I could have it), I commented on the way his words flowed and we started writing letters to each other…. and that was how our entire history started.

When I was cleaning my room a while back, I came across all those letters, photos and poems, tied in a bundle and kept in three shoeboxes. That was how much we wrote to each other! In those “ancient” days where there were no mobile phones and the early days of the internet where there were no chat lines, besides talking on the phone, we wrote letters and emails to each other on our thoughts, opinions and events in our lives. It was like a long-distance relationship, except we were both not overseas. Due to us being busy with school work and activities, there were times when we hardly got to see each other. Sometimes when either of us reached home too late to call, we would write or leave a message page. Even the emails we sent to each other were printed out and carefully “archived”. Whenever either one of us were overseas, we would write to each other everyday, then exchange all the letters when we meet up again. Those were the sweet old days of youth.

I have been contemplating whether to throw away or burn all those documents. Afterall if I have really let go, even to the extent of willingly giving up my ring, why must I still keep those documents? I gave in to temptation and started reading all the letters and poems and looking through all the photos again, every single one of them. They still struck a raw chord in me, and I got to reminiscing about those days of love so true, and feelings so intense and pure. It is good to be young, to be idealistic and romantic. A pity adulthood changes people. It is hard to find a real grown up being really romantic and idealistic. But one of the lessons I learnt is not to find someone so romantic that he becomes such a ladies' man, as he can easily be sweet and romantic to just about anyone. Now I prefer a smart, knowledgeable, responsible and reliable guy above all else.

In the end, I bundled up and kept those documents properly in their respective places. I still do not have the heart to get rid of them. I just lost all my data (including emails and chatting logs) of my third ex and the guy I was after, and I am still so heart-broken over that. Never will I get rid of anything else, as those were the only links to my past, things and memories which are worth holding on to.