A friend and I had an interesting conversation yesterday. He was asking me how I am coping financially, seeing I have been out of job for about a month. I told him I am eating into my savings, but other than that pretty alright, able to survive, especially now that I am single, my expenses are cut down even more.
I admit my lifestyle may not be that simple, but it is not that extravagant as well. I eat simple hawker fare (except the occasional indulgences with friends), take public transport like buses and trains, and stay home most of the time nowadays. I have simplified my lifestyle from few years ago, when I used to be more extravagant. In fact, it has been about a month since I watched any show, and half a year since I did any real shopping (as in shop the whole day - the occasional whims do not count).
Anyway this friend was just saying that when I was in a relationship I should spend less because normally the guy would pay. Not for me actually. So far for all my relationships, I had to fork out payment as well. There was never a case where the guy absolutely paid for everything everytime. Not that I am expecting the guy to always pay for me as well. In my opinion, if you are in a relationship, it does not matter who pay more or who do more for the other person. I paid my own fair share as well.
For my first relationship, we were still students, thus on a limited allowance. He always assumed I was richer since I stay in a landed property and he in a flat. However, it was easier for him to get allowance from his parents as his parents would give him anytime he ran out of cash. But for me, at that point of time, I was taking a weekly allowance, and my parents can be the stingiest people on earth. They gave me a certain amount which included transport, food, class funds, activity funds and yet expected the money to last for 1 week. If I ran out of cash anytime during the week, it was my own problem to solve. Things I wanted like watching movies had to be out of the money they gave me, no extras.
As a result, I was practically struggling to budget. Yet, he gave the excuse that I stay in a bigger place than him, thus I should be richer, so made me pay everytime we dined out at restaurants, and birthday gifts to his friends. When we broke up, he made me pay him back everything, all the money he spent on me when we ate at hawker centres, and my first pager which he got for me for my seventeenth birthday (the only expensive gift he gave me), and the bouquet of flowers he gave me during Valentine's Day, all amounting to about S$500 or so. Even for our Valentine's Day, he only brought me to a hawker centre for a meal, and yet I still paid for it. He used my internet access until my parents incurred a bill of S$600.00, yet I was the one who paid for it and did not even ask a single cent back. To me, as long as it was for someone I love, the money did not matter.
My second relationship was much longer, thus the amount of money spent (by both of us) was much more. In the beginning, he used to spend on me as he came from quite a well-to-do and generous family. Until the financial crisis and his dad lost his business, the family had to have a change in lifestyle. It was pretty alright with me actually. I did not need him to pay for me all the time.
I started paying more. I supported him during the period of time when he graduated and bumming around trying to find a job. I gave him my old phone when I knew he needed a phone, and even for the subscription, I paid for him under my supplementary line. When he went on his first flight, I spent close to S$500 to buy an Olympus camera for him. I supported him for about a year or so until he received a fixed pay and he started splurging on me again.
He bought me fancy gifts from all over the world. He even bought me a 0.3 carat diamond platinum engagement ring as a graduation gift. At that point in time, I started saving up more for our wedding. When we broke up, I had to pay him back every single cent (close to a five-figure amount) on all the things he spent on me. My few years of savings went down the drain just like that. Yet, I made the same mistake - I did not ask for a single cent back, and he even kept the camera I bought. Sometimes I wonder if I really should be more calculative?
My third guy is much nicer. At least he did not ask for a single cent back on what he spent on me, although most of the time we split the bill equally. I always think if you love someone, you should not measure how much you have done for the person or how much you have spent on the person. Ultimately as long as the one you love is happy, it does not really matter how much you do, isn't it?
Even for a friend, I do not measure how much I do. Of course, as just a mere friend, I will not expect people to pay for me, but it is pretty alright if I pay for others. If others treat me, I will treat them something back in return. That is only fair. One should not take advantage of others. But my point is that, being in a friendship or relationship, one should not be too calculative about what you do or how much you spend. Does it really matter even if you do more for others? As long as your friends or loved ones are happy, that is all that matters.
I admit my lifestyle may not be that simple, but it is not that extravagant as well. I eat simple hawker fare (except the occasional indulgences with friends), take public transport like buses and trains, and stay home most of the time nowadays. I have simplified my lifestyle from few years ago, when I used to be more extravagant. In fact, it has been about a month since I watched any show, and half a year since I did any real shopping (as in shop the whole day - the occasional whims do not count).
Anyway this friend was just saying that when I was in a relationship I should spend less because normally the guy would pay. Not for me actually. So far for all my relationships, I had to fork out payment as well. There was never a case where the guy absolutely paid for everything everytime. Not that I am expecting the guy to always pay for me as well. In my opinion, if you are in a relationship, it does not matter who pay more or who do more for the other person. I paid my own fair share as well.
For my first relationship, we were still students, thus on a limited allowance. He always assumed I was richer since I stay in a landed property and he in a flat. However, it was easier for him to get allowance from his parents as his parents would give him anytime he ran out of cash. But for me, at that point of time, I was taking a weekly allowance, and my parents can be the stingiest people on earth. They gave me a certain amount which included transport, food, class funds, activity funds and yet expected the money to last for 1 week. If I ran out of cash anytime during the week, it was my own problem to solve. Things I wanted like watching movies had to be out of the money they gave me, no extras.
As a result, I was practically struggling to budget. Yet, he gave the excuse that I stay in a bigger place than him, thus I should be richer, so made me pay everytime we dined out at restaurants, and birthday gifts to his friends. When we broke up, he made me pay him back everything, all the money he spent on me when we ate at hawker centres, and my first pager which he got for me for my seventeenth birthday (the only expensive gift he gave me), and the bouquet of flowers he gave me during Valentine's Day, all amounting to about S$500 or so. Even for our Valentine's Day, he only brought me to a hawker centre for a meal, and yet I still paid for it. He used my internet access until my parents incurred a bill of S$600.00, yet I was the one who paid for it and did not even ask a single cent back. To me, as long as it was for someone I love, the money did not matter.
My second relationship was much longer, thus the amount of money spent (by both of us) was much more. In the beginning, he used to spend on me as he came from quite a well-to-do and generous family. Until the financial crisis and his dad lost his business, the family had to have a change in lifestyle. It was pretty alright with me actually. I did not need him to pay for me all the time.
I started paying more. I supported him during the period of time when he graduated and bumming around trying to find a job. I gave him my old phone when I knew he needed a phone, and even for the subscription, I paid for him under my supplementary line. When he went on his first flight, I spent close to S$500 to buy an Olympus camera for him. I supported him for about a year or so until he received a fixed pay and he started splurging on me again.
He bought me fancy gifts from all over the world. He even bought me a 0.3 carat diamond platinum engagement ring as a graduation gift. At that point in time, I started saving up more for our wedding. When we broke up, I had to pay him back every single cent (close to a five-figure amount) on all the things he spent on me. My few years of savings went down the drain just like that. Yet, I made the same mistake - I did not ask for a single cent back, and he even kept the camera I bought. Sometimes I wonder if I really should be more calculative?
My third guy is much nicer. At least he did not ask for a single cent back on what he spent on me, although most of the time we split the bill equally. I always think if you love someone, you should not measure how much you have done for the person or how much you have spent on the person. Ultimately as long as the one you love is happy, it does not really matter how much you do, isn't it?
Even for a friend, I do not measure how much I do. Of course, as just a mere friend, I will not expect people to pay for me, but it is pretty alright if I pay for others. If others treat me, I will treat them something back in return. That is only fair. One should not take advantage of others. But my point is that, being in a friendship or relationship, one should not be too calculative about what you do or how much you spend. Does it really matter even if you do more for others? As long as your friends or loved ones are happy, that is all that matters.
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