A conversation with a friend got me thinking. We were talking about both of us preferring mature (not old) men and whether men mature later than ladies when she came up with this question, "How can you tell if a man is mature enough?"
I was stumped. Yet off my head I could tell her my own definition of what a mature man is like based on my own observations. After that she said she is impressed and agree totally.
That got me thinking, what I brought up seem true. I have observed those who are still single (hence generally more "immature") and those who are married (so generally more "mature") and I must say, the points I brought up are not that far wrong.
So what constitutes a mature man? To me, I think maturity lies in a man's physical and mental actions.
Imagine two men in front of you, both attracted to you. One behaves like a gentleman and treats you nicely. He is reliable and trustworthy and puts you first. He is full of respect for you.
The other one only wants to get you in bed and tries all kinds of ways to achieve what he wants, without caring what you want. He does not respect you at all.
Now if you are a lady looking for a real serious relationship, which man would you go for? Chances are you will go for the first one. Why? Because the way he behaves shows his maturity.
To me, I feel if a man is mature enough, he will know how to behave towards a woman on the physical front. He will know how to control himself and not go on and on about how horny and unsatisfied he is. He will treat a lady with respect and not treat her like a sex object. A real mature man will know he loves the woman for who she is and not just the physical aspect.
The other measure of a man's maturity is in his mental behaviour. Now imagine there are three men in front of you, all three who passed the first round of "physical maturity".
The first goes around griping, complaining, and blaming the whole world for his problems. He takes things very personally and gets ultra sensitive about everything. He avoids or runs away whenever there are problems. He interrogates the girl whenever she talks on the phone or talks to other guys, he could go as far as follow her home and stalk her so as to ensure no other guy goes near her.
The second has many female friends and each week he will go out with a different girl to "test the water". He is fun-loving and will bring his dates to all the nice and exciting places. He knows how to treat a lady well. But he never dates seriously and prefers just enjoying life going out with different girls.
The third is not as fun-loving as the second man. He is more serious. He may not know sweet words to win a girl's heart. He can be totally square with a corny sense of humour. But he trusts the girl and lets her do what she pleases. He never runs away from problems and faces them headlong. He is just a typical, simple, boring man.
Again, if you are looking for a serious relationship, which man would you choose? I daresay there is a high chance a woman will choose the third man.
The first is too whiny, insecure and self-centred. Normally men like these play double standards. Whatever they did not allow the girl to do, they would go ahead and do on their own, like going out and talking to female friends and expect the girlfriend not to say anything.
So this kind of man is out of bounds as he is not emotionally mature. Why must we end up being with a man just to create more problems for ourselves by being his second mother?
The second type is one that may never settle down. He just likes playing the field. In this way, he is also not emotionally mature as he is not ready and willing to settle down yet. These are the men who can be good boyfriends. They give a very good time on a date. But they may never progress beyond that stage. Chances are if the girl asks for more commitment, the relationship will then be off.
This kind of men are out of bounds too. Yes, they can be good friends but this is it. A woman should never attempt to be romantically involved with a man like that unless she is willing to end in a broken heart. Furthermore she may end up waiting or dragging on, and honestly, as a woman, how many years can we actually afford to lose and waste over non-committal men?
Now comes to the third type. He is secure and confident. He trusts the girl and does not kick up a fuss even if she meets up with her guy friends. He is yearning to settle down. He meets a lady, falls for her and remains faithful for life.
This is the kind of man that is emotionally mature and the kind a woman should look for if she is looking for a serious relationship.
I think I have covered about all bases. Please note that this is not a psychology or social study; it is just based on my own observations and experiences on guys I have dated, guys I came across and guy friends I have, as well as a general observation on the kind of men ladies around my age look for.
Of course different people look for different kinds of qualities, but I believe if the man is both physically and emotionally mature (in my descriptions), then I believe I am not too far off in my observations.
So for those men who are looking for serious relationships and still not finding any, perhaps it is time for a reflection whether you are "mature" enough to attract a lady?
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
I was stumped. Yet off my head I could tell her my own definition of what a mature man is like based on my own observations. After that she said she is impressed and agree totally.
That got me thinking, what I brought up seem true. I have observed those who are still single (hence generally more "immature") and those who are married (so generally more "mature") and I must say, the points I brought up are not that far wrong.
So what constitutes a mature man? To me, I think maturity lies in a man's physical and mental actions.
Imagine two men in front of you, both attracted to you. One behaves like a gentleman and treats you nicely. He is reliable and trustworthy and puts you first. He is full of respect for you.
The other one only wants to get you in bed and tries all kinds of ways to achieve what he wants, without caring what you want. He does not respect you at all.
Now if you are a lady looking for a real serious relationship, which man would you go for? Chances are you will go for the first one. Why? Because the way he behaves shows his maturity.
To me, I feel if a man is mature enough, he will know how to behave towards a woman on the physical front. He will know how to control himself and not go on and on about how horny and unsatisfied he is. He will treat a lady with respect and not treat her like a sex object. A real mature man will know he loves the woman for who she is and not just the physical aspect.
The other measure of a man's maturity is in his mental behaviour. Now imagine there are three men in front of you, all three who passed the first round of "physical maturity".
The first goes around griping, complaining, and blaming the whole world for his problems. He takes things very personally and gets ultra sensitive about everything. He avoids or runs away whenever there are problems. He interrogates the girl whenever she talks on the phone or talks to other guys, he could go as far as follow her home and stalk her so as to ensure no other guy goes near her.
The second has many female friends and each week he will go out with a different girl to "test the water". He is fun-loving and will bring his dates to all the nice and exciting places. He knows how to treat a lady well. But he never dates seriously and prefers just enjoying life going out with different girls.
The third is not as fun-loving as the second man. He is more serious. He may not know sweet words to win a girl's heart. He can be totally square with a corny sense of humour. But he trusts the girl and lets her do what she pleases. He never runs away from problems and faces them headlong. He is just a typical, simple, boring man.
Again, if you are looking for a serious relationship, which man would you choose? I daresay there is a high chance a woman will choose the third man.
The first is too whiny, insecure and self-centred. Normally men like these play double standards. Whatever they did not allow the girl to do, they would go ahead and do on their own, like going out and talking to female friends and expect the girlfriend not to say anything.
So this kind of man is out of bounds as he is not emotionally mature. Why must we end up being with a man just to create more problems for ourselves by being his second mother?
The second type is one that may never settle down. He just likes playing the field. In this way, he is also not emotionally mature as he is not ready and willing to settle down yet. These are the men who can be good boyfriends. They give a very good time on a date. But they may never progress beyond that stage. Chances are if the girl asks for more commitment, the relationship will then be off.
This kind of men are out of bounds too. Yes, they can be good friends but this is it. A woman should never attempt to be romantically involved with a man like that unless she is willing to end in a broken heart. Furthermore she may end up waiting or dragging on, and honestly, as a woman, how many years can we actually afford to lose and waste over non-committal men?
Now comes to the third type. He is secure and confident. He trusts the girl and does not kick up a fuss even if she meets up with her guy friends. He is yearning to settle down. He meets a lady, falls for her and remains faithful for life.
This is the kind of man that is emotionally mature and the kind a woman should look for if she is looking for a serious relationship.
I think I have covered about all bases. Please note that this is not a psychology or social study; it is just based on my own observations and experiences on guys I have dated, guys I came across and guy friends I have, as well as a general observation on the kind of men ladies around my age look for.
Of course different people look for different kinds of qualities, but I believe if the man is both physically and emotionally mature (in my descriptions), then I believe I am not too far off in my observations.
So for those men who are looking for serious relationships and still not finding any, perhaps it is time for a reflection whether you are "mature" enough to attract a lady?
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
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