Five years and four days ago, I started this blog. That point in time I was still in a relationship. Hence the thought of journalling my life and my relationship. Then four days later (five years back from today), my then relationship ended. This blog then became the focus of my single life.
Five years, and relationships are still a big part of my life. It used to be just that one relationship, but through the years has grown to relationships with family and friends, old and new.
Definitely a lot of things have happened. At least I did not spend my time just working, sleeping and eating. When my then-relationship ended, I met some scums. Pardon me if I offend the guys, but I did meet a few scums.
A few only had sex on their minds and they had the cheek to call me square and arrogant just because I refused to do the deed with them. I am not some cheap and loose girl who beds anyone I see!
Two others are downright cheapskates and penny pinchers that all they wanted were free meals, with me picking up the tab.
The biggest scum of all was someone I really fell for but he led me on, pretending he was single but actually he was not. When I found out, he had the cheek to say he did not deem it necessary to tell me because if I really loved him, I would not mind his status!
Imagine the turmoil, dilemma and sorrow I was in. On one hand, I felt so betrayed yet I loved him too much to let go even though I knew I had to, but it was just so painful. On the other hand, I got judged and labelled a home-wrecker and third party, when I was not in the know in the first place. And it were people whom I deemed my close confidantes that did that. Talk about a double betrayal!
Why did no one ever blame the scum who fooled around but always the gullible girl who fell for his charm? Do people think I make a living wrecking people's homes? My mum taught me not to be a home-wrecker too. Did people think I felt happy? Why did no one consider the fact that I was depressed and suicidal and had to undergo counselling for a year because it was that scum who caused it?
But that incident taught me a great lesson. Since then I no longer compromise my standards. I no longer sway to sweet words and romantic gestures. Mr DC (Carrie has her Mr Big, I have my Mr DC) can vouch that romance and words no longer cut it for me. Whatever men used to woo girls do not work on me anymore.
I do not really know what brought about that change. Maybe because I am now more cautious? I know for a period of time, I wanted to swear off relationships altogether because I just became so weary and wary. I actually started to enjoy being single, leading my life happily and being carefree, instead of the problematic times when I was in relationships.
After that great big scum, there were other men who tried to woo me. But I never let myself go again. In any case the men were rather fickle too. They were so into you for a while then suddenly disappeared without a trace. I absolutely hate it when people pull a disappearing act. The least one can do is to be decent enough to talk things through and not leave others hanging.
Even though I was single for a while, I never gave up on relationships. I read relationship articles from my muses Violet, Kloudiia and Terry. Besides the tips, I realise when I was reading the relationships advise that I am not alone in the world when it comes to meeting scums because other ladies experienced similar things too. Which led me to conclude that many men are indeed scums.
I started following the tips on how not to settle for second or third or fourth best by stating down the criteria(s) I wanted. Which was what I did. But one thing I have personally experienced is that when it comes to love, having a checklist is not enough.
Look at Mr DC. He definitely does not fit into my checklist. I was not even interested in him in the first place. In fact, I wrote him off the moment I set eyes on him. I thought he was another one of those scumbags who was trying to be funny and cheeky with me. He only fulfils one criteria - religion. I did not deem he fulfilled enough criteria to go on.
But he was the one who stuck around when all those other guys decided that they had enough fun and decided to disappear, not even continuing the friendship. He never wavered in his friendship.
He was the one that let me do as I please, unlike other guys who, even as friends, expected me to go along with whatever. It was as if they still had the mentality that the men rule and women are to be seen and not heard.
This is not a perfect relationship. We have our ups and downs too and our disagreements. But which relationship is perfect? Many men I know start pulling out just because they argued or disagreed, as if the partner has to be in sync with them all the time.
It happened to me too. A guy who claimed to be wooing me suddenly pulled out because I disagreed with something he said. He said he wanted someone who fit totally. It was only the third time we went out as friends and already he jumped to conclusions without even giving the chance!
But not Mr DC. He welcomes arguments and debate as intellectual banter. He does not pull away no matter how difficult it gets (I can be pretty hard to get along). He is always there for me and my family.
Of course there are ongoing problems which we are still trying to resolve. But I am not a perfect person too. Yet somehow he is just perfect for me, despite my gripes.
People have asked me what did I see in him. He is not an aeronautical engineering scholar like my first ex-boyfriend. Neither is he a first-class honours law graduate like my ex-fiancé. He can neither sing nor have a way with words. He is stuck in the same dead-end job for years. And he has real stick-in-the-mud parents who demand everything their way and I am an unwelcome intruder into their otherwise perfect and peaceful family of three.
But he is everything the other guys are not. He is not threatened by the fact that I may be more capable or higher-educated or in a better job, unlike other guys who run away the moment they think the lady is in any way better. Neither is he scared off by the kind of family background I come from, unlike my exs. And he not only supports but also participated together the things I like to do for my religion and the community / society.
Violet's latest post is on dating the marrying kind. This is the marrying kind - loyal, faithful, good tempered, family-oriented, loves children and loves my dog to bits (which also seems to love him more than me now), and not those who cannot even make up their minds whether they even like the girl.
So with that, I end on love - the beginning of my blog, the end of this post, and hopefully it will be love that ends my blog and begins a new one - the end of singlehood and the start of the rest of my life.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Five years, and relationships are still a big part of my life. It used to be just that one relationship, but through the years has grown to relationships with family and friends, old and new.
Definitely a lot of things have happened. At least I did not spend my time just working, sleeping and eating. When my then-relationship ended, I met some scums. Pardon me if I offend the guys, but I did meet a few scums.
A few only had sex on their minds and they had the cheek to call me square and arrogant just because I refused to do the deed with them. I am not some cheap and loose girl who beds anyone I see!
Two others are downright cheapskates and penny pinchers that all they wanted were free meals, with me picking up the tab.
The biggest scum of all was someone I really fell for but he led me on, pretending he was single but actually he was not. When I found out, he had the cheek to say he did not deem it necessary to tell me because if I really loved him, I would not mind his status!
Imagine the turmoil, dilemma and sorrow I was in. On one hand, I felt so betrayed yet I loved him too much to let go even though I knew I had to, but it was just so painful. On the other hand, I got judged and labelled a home-wrecker and third party, when I was not in the know in the first place. And it were people whom I deemed my close confidantes that did that. Talk about a double betrayal!
Why did no one ever blame the scum who fooled around but always the gullible girl who fell for his charm? Do people think I make a living wrecking people's homes? My mum taught me not to be a home-wrecker too. Did people think I felt happy? Why did no one consider the fact that I was depressed and suicidal and had to undergo counselling for a year because it was that scum who caused it?
But that incident taught me a great lesson. Since then I no longer compromise my standards. I no longer sway to sweet words and romantic gestures. Mr DC (Carrie has her Mr Big, I have my Mr DC) can vouch that romance and words no longer cut it for me. Whatever men used to woo girls do not work on me anymore.
I do not really know what brought about that change. Maybe because I am now more cautious? I know for a period of time, I wanted to swear off relationships altogether because I just became so weary and wary. I actually started to enjoy being single, leading my life happily and being carefree, instead of the problematic times when I was in relationships.
After that great big scum, there were other men who tried to woo me. But I never let myself go again. In any case the men were rather fickle too. They were so into you for a while then suddenly disappeared without a trace. I absolutely hate it when people pull a disappearing act. The least one can do is to be decent enough to talk things through and not leave others hanging.
Even though I was single for a while, I never gave up on relationships. I read relationship articles from my muses Violet, Kloudiia and Terry. Besides the tips, I realise when I was reading the relationships advise that I am not alone in the world when it comes to meeting scums because other ladies experienced similar things too. Which led me to conclude that many men are indeed scums.
I started following the tips on how not to settle for second or third or fourth best by stating down the criteria(s) I wanted. Which was what I did. But one thing I have personally experienced is that when it comes to love, having a checklist is not enough.
Look at Mr DC. He definitely does not fit into my checklist. I was not even interested in him in the first place. In fact, I wrote him off the moment I set eyes on him. I thought he was another one of those scumbags who was trying to be funny and cheeky with me. He only fulfils one criteria - religion. I did not deem he fulfilled enough criteria to go on.
But he was the one who stuck around when all those other guys decided that they had enough fun and decided to disappear, not even continuing the friendship. He never wavered in his friendship.
He was the one that let me do as I please, unlike other guys who, even as friends, expected me to go along with whatever. It was as if they still had the mentality that the men rule and women are to be seen and not heard.
This is not a perfect relationship. We have our ups and downs too and our disagreements. But which relationship is perfect? Many men I know start pulling out just because they argued or disagreed, as if the partner has to be in sync with them all the time.
It happened to me too. A guy who claimed to be wooing me suddenly pulled out because I disagreed with something he said. He said he wanted someone who fit totally. It was only the third time we went out as friends and already he jumped to conclusions without even giving the chance!
But not Mr DC. He welcomes arguments and debate as intellectual banter. He does not pull away no matter how difficult it gets (I can be pretty hard to get along). He is always there for me and my family.
Of course there are ongoing problems which we are still trying to resolve. But I am not a perfect person too. Yet somehow he is just perfect for me, despite my gripes.
People have asked me what did I see in him. He is not an aeronautical engineering scholar like my first ex-boyfriend. Neither is he a first-class honours law graduate like my ex-fiancé. He can neither sing nor have a way with words. He is stuck in the same dead-end job for years. And he has real stick-in-the-mud parents who demand everything their way and I am an unwelcome intruder into their otherwise perfect and peaceful family of three.
But he is everything the other guys are not. He is not threatened by the fact that I may be more capable or higher-educated or in a better job, unlike other guys who run away the moment they think the lady is in any way better. Neither is he scared off by the kind of family background I come from, unlike my exs. And he not only supports but also participated together the things I like to do for my religion and the community / society.
Violet's latest post is on dating the marrying kind. This is the marrying kind - loyal, faithful, good tempered, family-oriented, loves children and loves my dog to bits (which also seems to love him more than me now), and not those who cannot even make up their minds whether they even like the girl.
So with that, I end on love - the beginning of my blog, the end of this post, and hopefully it will be love that ends my blog and begins a new one - the end of singlehood and the start of the rest of my life.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
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