30062008. Remember this date, because it was one of the worst days of my life. I never had really bad days, except on a few occasions. What I view as bad days are days when everything and anything went wrong, whatever that could have gone wrong went wrong.
The first time I had an extremely bad day was on Friday 13 October 1989. I was in Upper Primary, and that day everything went wrong. A project I submitted somehow found its way into a trash bin, with scratches and marks, resulting in my teacher punishing me for not handing in and destroying my work. Needless to say, no one owned up. I was a prefect and went according to rules rather than friends, so people took the opportunity to add fuel to the fire and I got punished by everyone that day.
After that, the next time I had an extremely bad day was on Wednesday 14 February 1996. It was the very first Valentine's Day of my life, and I was looking so much forward to it, but someone screwed it up and I ended up crying the rest of the night away.
Soon after that, I had another extremely bad day - 20 May 1996. I screwed up my examinations, I quarrelled with my best friend and then boyfriend, I quarrelled with my mum and got into a lecturing session by the school principal herself. As I said, anything that could go wrong went wrong.
After that, the next extremely bad day was on Friday 29 November 2002. That was the day when I was due back from Sydney and I called someone from the Sydney Airport. It was summer, the weather was forty degree celsius so all was bright and cheery outside, but his voice over the other end chilled me to the bones.
I cried in the plane, and the moment I reached home and tried calling him, he was uncontactable. I called my best friend and she dropped me the news. I tried calling him at home and on the mobile but he was not available. I left messages but he never called or texted me back. I ended up crying the whole night and could not sleep at all.
Since then, I tried my best to pick myself up and told myself never to have anymore bad days ever again! There were bad days off and on, as and when, but those were just part and parcel of life, until Monday 19 June 2006 - a day I wanted to forget but could never do so.
After that, it was a tsunami of emotions. I lapsed into on-off depression. Who really cared actually? No one. Okay, my friends did care, did ask about me, my family members cared, but the one person I wanted more than anyone to care at that point in time did not even give a hoot. After I went through so much for him he just blamed for for everything that happened, for not being strong enough. Right, I was not strong enough, otherwise I would have got out long ago instead of dragging on till then.
But I survived. I have been surviving for the past year. Things got back to normal, sort of. I went on with my life, enjoying myself more than ever. Until yesterday. Apparently I had unknowingly offended some people in my office, and now some people are out for my blood. Something small escalated and went straight to the top, and my boss is now trying to fight for me (which I am really grateful for), otherwise it could just be immediate termination.
Is it not just so sad that when you just want to do your work, not to go around being popular or hypocritical, try not to be embroiled in politics, yet people can turn around and stab three knives in your back? All because you do not belong to any clique! If I am part of the group, I daresay things will be overlooked! Because I do not belong, minor things can be blown up into something serious!
But I am not in the office to win Ms Popularity. I am not there to curry favour with anyone. Neither am I there to win anyone over. I am there to do my work. I work for my boss, for the company, not for any other department! I am not obligated to help anyone, so even if I do and take a long time, it does not mean I am not doing my work!
I am also not in the office to engage in small talk and gossip about anyone and everyone! True, it is important to get along with co-workers, and I do lunch with some buddies, but other than that, I am not there to be in a social outing of sorts! So when people ask me for feedback, I give the truth. I do not paint a nice facade and please everyone by saying nice things.
Which is why I am in trouble now. Am I supposed to lie and pretend everything is rosy just to please others, or shall I go with my conscious and tell it like it is, even though the truth may not be pleasing to the ears? Oh well.... in any case, I really hope nothing will happen. I cannot afford to lose my job right now, not when I have some major financial commitments in the upcoming weeks!
Times like these, I really wish I have someone with me, I so much want to be embraced, to be hugged, to be treated like a princess, to be able to whine and complain and to be assured that everything was alright. As it is, I ended up crying in my pillow all by myself again.
The first time I had an extremely bad day was on Friday 13 October 1989. I was in Upper Primary, and that day everything went wrong. A project I submitted somehow found its way into a trash bin, with scratches and marks, resulting in my teacher punishing me for not handing in and destroying my work. Needless to say, no one owned up. I was a prefect and went according to rules rather than friends, so people took the opportunity to add fuel to the fire and I got punished by everyone that day.
After that, the next time I had an extremely bad day was on Wednesday 14 February 1996. It was the very first Valentine's Day of my life, and I was looking so much forward to it, but someone screwed it up and I ended up crying the rest of the night away.
Soon after that, I had another extremely bad day - 20 May 1996. I screwed up my examinations, I quarrelled with my best friend and then boyfriend, I quarrelled with my mum and got into a lecturing session by the school principal herself. As I said, anything that could go wrong went wrong.
After that, the next extremely bad day was on Friday 29 November 2002. That was the day when I was due back from Sydney and I called someone from the Sydney Airport. It was summer, the weather was forty degree celsius so all was bright and cheery outside, but his voice over the other end chilled me to the bones.
I cried in the plane, and the moment I reached home and tried calling him, he was uncontactable. I called my best friend and she dropped me the news. I tried calling him at home and on the mobile but he was not available. I left messages but he never called or texted me back. I ended up crying the whole night and could not sleep at all.
Since then, I tried my best to pick myself up and told myself never to have anymore bad days ever again! There were bad days off and on, as and when, but those were just part and parcel of life, until Monday 19 June 2006 - a day I wanted to forget but could never do so.
After that, it was a tsunami of emotions. I lapsed into on-off depression. Who really cared actually? No one. Okay, my friends did care, did ask about me, my family members cared, but the one person I wanted more than anyone to care at that point in time did not even give a hoot. After I went through so much for him he just blamed for for everything that happened, for not being strong enough. Right, I was not strong enough, otherwise I would have got out long ago instead of dragging on till then.
But I survived. I have been surviving for the past year. Things got back to normal, sort of. I went on with my life, enjoying myself more than ever. Until yesterday. Apparently I had unknowingly offended some people in my office, and now some people are out for my blood. Something small escalated and went straight to the top, and my boss is now trying to fight for me (which I am really grateful for), otherwise it could just be immediate termination.
Is it not just so sad that when you just want to do your work, not to go around being popular or hypocritical, try not to be embroiled in politics, yet people can turn around and stab three knives in your back? All because you do not belong to any clique! If I am part of the group, I daresay things will be overlooked! Because I do not belong, minor things can be blown up into something serious!
But I am not in the office to win Ms Popularity. I am not there to curry favour with anyone. Neither am I there to win anyone over. I am there to do my work. I work for my boss, for the company, not for any other department! I am not obligated to help anyone, so even if I do and take a long time, it does not mean I am not doing my work!
I am also not in the office to engage in small talk and gossip about anyone and everyone! True, it is important to get along with co-workers, and I do lunch with some buddies, but other than that, I am not there to be in a social outing of sorts! So when people ask me for feedback, I give the truth. I do not paint a nice facade and please everyone by saying nice things.
Which is why I am in trouble now. Am I supposed to lie and pretend everything is rosy just to please others, or shall I go with my conscious and tell it like it is, even though the truth may not be pleasing to the ears? Oh well.... in any case, I really hope nothing will happen. I cannot afford to lose my job right now, not when I have some major financial commitments in the upcoming weeks!
Times like these, I really wish I have someone with me, I so much want to be embraced, to be hugged, to be treated like a princess, to be able to whine and complain and to be assured that everything was alright. As it is, I ended up crying in my pillow all by myself again.
0 comments:
Post a Comment