At times, I think I really do think too much. But then in the past it had happened once too often, just when you think things were going well, all of a sudden the bombshell was dropped and I was often left bewildered and wondering what went wrong. Just like these few days, each time when my friends tried to ask me out, I kept thinking there would be bad news.
I admit, I have a big problem. But after being cheated, made use of, stringed along, positive only to turn into negative things, I cannot help but think of negative things. Maybe because my life is back on track for a while, and I am happy, I cannot help but think this happiness is not going to be long-lasting, that something will happen that makes me disappointed again.
I know I have to always look on the bright side, but it is easier said than done. Besides, a girl's intuition is mostly right. I shall not say right all the time, but in my case, most of the time my intuition came true, although in most cases, I refused to believe that things will come true.
Or maybe it is just my mind playing games. That if I think of something negative, then negative things will happen. After all, my intuition was not without proof. Often than not, signs started coming before everything came crashing down.
But I tend to be more wary nowadays. Maybe because I no longer want to be hurt, no longer want to be disappointed, that I try to hold back as much as I can, even if people meant no harm. It is an unhealthy way to live my life, but after being emotionally scarred in so many aspects, can one really blame me for being more reserved?
Just like when someone has been raped or molested before, she will be so afraid of letting another man touch her. I am not comparing myself to them because I can never understand the turmoil they have gone through, but I guess right now, I tend to be more careful in things, instead of letting myself be fooled or swayed so easily again.
I admit, I have a big problem. But after being cheated, made use of, stringed along, positive only to turn into negative things, I cannot help but think of negative things. Maybe because my life is back on track for a while, and I am happy, I cannot help but think this happiness is not going to be long-lasting, that something will happen that makes me disappointed again.
I know I have to always look on the bright side, but it is easier said than done. Besides, a girl's intuition is mostly right. I shall not say right all the time, but in my case, most of the time my intuition came true, although in most cases, I refused to believe that things will come true.
Or maybe it is just my mind playing games. That if I think of something negative, then negative things will happen. After all, my intuition was not without proof. Often than not, signs started coming before everything came crashing down.
But I tend to be more wary nowadays. Maybe because I no longer want to be hurt, no longer want to be disappointed, that I try to hold back as much as I can, even if people meant no harm. It is an unhealthy way to live my life, but after being emotionally scarred in so many aspects, can one really blame me for being more reserved?
Just like when someone has been raped or molested before, she will be so afraid of letting another man touch her. I am not comparing myself to them because I can never understand the turmoil they have gone through, but I guess right now, I tend to be more careful in things, instead of letting myself be fooled or swayed so easily again.
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