I have come to the conclusion that I need to take up more activities. Despite all the many things I occupy myself with (work, singing, movie-watching, online chatting, reading, writing, blogging, bible studies, playing music, organising outings and gatherings), I still find my mind wandering and I start to think of things that make me depressed and confused. I cannot even sleep well lately. I lie in bed wondering what he is doing, and just having a slight hope that he would be thinking of the same thing. Seems like it is a sign that I still have plenty of spare time.
Why do I have to torture myself this way? I wish I can just go on in life without caring if he is thinking of me, or what he is doing. I used to be at that stage. Now I cannot go on without his image in my mind, without conjuring thoughts of him. Why do I always let my emotions dictate what I do? I have been practical before – adopting a "look-see" approach to determine if he is the right person for me. So why can't I be just as practical now? I really wish I can just let go of all my feelings and go for some others who have indicated interest in me. Afterall, isn't it better to be loved more than you love?
This week seemed to have dragged on for so long. The previous weeks seemed to have gone by faster, probably because I could talk to him online. Besides, there was nothing between us then as I started to seriously like him only around middle of last week. Now just when I am sure of how I feel he had to be busy for some time and could not be online. Seeing him mostly offline this week made the days seemed like eternity. I miss him so much when he is not around. It is not as if I have not felt like this before. I have been in love several times. So why is it so much more intense this time? Is it because I have finally found my true love? Or is it because I am still unsure of how he really feels about me?
I have sought the opinion of some of our mutual friends. All agreed that I have made the right choice – they have very positive reviews of him. I myself believe that I have finally made the right choice. I am not giving this up so easily because I believe it is worth it to give my best shot. At least if I tried and failed, however heart-broken I will be, there will at least be no regrets. It is up to him whether he wants to take this chance. Come to think of it, I wonder if he even knows or suspects I am referring to him, after so many entries?
Why do I have to torture myself this way? I wish I can just go on in life without caring if he is thinking of me, or what he is doing. I used to be at that stage. Now I cannot go on without his image in my mind, without conjuring thoughts of him. Why do I always let my emotions dictate what I do? I have been practical before – adopting a "look-see" approach to determine if he is the right person for me. So why can't I be just as practical now? I really wish I can just let go of all my feelings and go for some others who have indicated interest in me. Afterall, isn't it better to be loved more than you love?
This week seemed to have dragged on for so long. The previous weeks seemed to have gone by faster, probably because I could talk to him online. Besides, there was nothing between us then as I started to seriously like him only around middle of last week. Now just when I am sure of how I feel he had to be busy for some time and could not be online. Seeing him mostly offline this week made the days seemed like eternity. I miss him so much when he is not around. It is not as if I have not felt like this before. I have been in love several times. So why is it so much more intense this time? Is it because I have finally found my true love? Or is it because I am still unsure of how he really feels about me?
I have sought the opinion of some of our mutual friends. All agreed that I have made the right choice – they have very positive reviews of him. I myself believe that I have finally made the right choice. I am not giving this up so easily because I believe it is worth it to give my best shot. At least if I tried and failed, however heart-broken I will be, there will at least be no regrets. It is up to him whether he wants to take this chance. Come to think of it, I wonder if he even knows or suspects I am referring to him, after so many entries?
2 comments:
if he's as smart as your spec of an ideal guy, he'll surely have noticed that you've been referring about him in the previous posts--assuming he did read them.
oh well...his humility may forbid him to clarify that with you.
so, don't give up & good luck!
Thanks! Trying to get my courage up first before doing anything though.
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