Surrendering All ...

Starting this year, I joined a woman's group consisting of mostly Catholics. Their fellowship is on every Friday night, and I am ashamed to say I have not been very regular because somehow Friday nights, everyone wants to have events like wedding, dinner, work. However, I try to attend as many sessions as possible.

 

This group benefits me because they consist of only women (duh!), so the things I share, my experiences, and God's message to women, really relate to me. Whereas they can also relate to the things I have experienced, especially pertaining to men and relationships. So even though I am not one who speak up a lot when it comes to religion, I find myself looking forward to going whenever I can.

 

The books we are asked to read and do reflection on are really meaningful and I find the exercises so relevant. When I was reading the books and doing the reflection, I find myself opening up more and more and discovering more about myself. I start to appreciate what God has given me and what God has made me learn and experience. I start to believe more.

 

Last Friday was the last session of the year. Since it is Advent, the session consisting of each and every one of us lighting a candle, kneeling at the altar and surrendering all our fears to God. After that, the rest will pray over the one that was kneeling. By the way, they do pray in tongues, which I find better than normal prayers because you really go into the heart and soul of prayer even if you do not understand anything that came out of your mouth, as compared to praying the normal way.

 

When it was my turn to "surrender", I knelt, lighted my candle, and told God that I surrender all my fears - fears of being lonely, being alone for the rest of my life, of not having my own family, of the unknown, of the future, of being judged and misunderstood, and of conforming to other's expectations of me.

 

The rest then started praying over me. Each of them would say their vision of me while they prayed, and I would have to write down what they said. One of them said she saw me as being curious, always having an inquisitive mind. Another one said she saw me as being compassionate and noble, always putting others before myself and never wanting anyone to get into trouble. Another one said she saw me getting married in church. Another one said she saw me as Snow White, with the seven dwarves in a locked room in a castle, and we were all dancing happily.

 

Wow... can people actually see all these while praying? I know I cannot, as I have never seen any vision of myself, let alone anyone else. Or maybe I have not been praying hard enough or praying the right way.

 

In any case, I am really grateful to all these women who have journeyed with me and helped me along the way. I should be joining them again next year if possible!