Amour ...

Today I watched two movies, "Won't Back Down" and "Amour". Amour is a French show, literally translated to "Love". It is a story of an elderly couple who have been married fifty years. They only have each other to fall back on since their only daughter is living overseas with her family, and only drops by to visit them once in a while.

 

When the wife suffered a stroke which left her paralysed, the husband took care of her, carrying her into her wheelchair, bringing her to the bathroom, bathing her, washing her, doing all the household chores. When she could no longer function normally and started wetting the bed, he engaged a nurse to take care of his wife, but the nurse was not gentle and he fired her for bullying a defenseless patient.

 

The whole show is on how he took care of his wife, even when his own health was failing and he could hardly walk properly anymore. The wife became totally bed-ridden and delusional, and she even lost sense of her own speech and was rambling on all the time. The husband did everything he could to comfort her whenever she went into any of her fits, by massaging her, telling her stories and giving her back her memories.

 

One day, he could take it no longer. After comforting her and calming her down, he took a pillow to smother her and she died. He then dressed her up and mourned her. Shortly after that, he died in his sleep too.

 

This is a really touching show beacuse it shows true love and commitment between a married couple. How often do people forget that a marriage last forever, and it is really for better for worse, in sickness and in death, in good health and bad, for richer and poorer, till death do them part? Chances are most people will run away at the first sign of trouble. I have heard people tell me that they have an agreement with their other halves, that if either of them fails in health, the one who is sick would just go to a nursing home, divorce and let the other half go on with his or her own life so they would not be a burden to the other.

 

But if you love each other, would it then really be a burden? Does marriage work that way, that if you become a burden, you just leave the person? Is marriage not supposed to be a full commitment, which means even if the other person is sickly and frail, you stay by the side and take care of the other person instead of leaving?

 

Of course, if both are sick at the same time, then that is a different story altogether. If I ever get married and my husband becomes bedridden for whatever reason, I would be the one taking care of him, no questions asked. Simply because he is the man I married, and it is my duty, obligation and perogative to be there for him when he needs. Similarly, I hope whoever I marry will think and feel the same way about me too when the time comes.

 

This movie reminds me of someone I know, who married his wife despite knowing she is sick, and after so many years and in and out of hospitals, he is still there by her side, taking care of her, loving her, comforting her, being with her. And it is still on-going as his wife still needs treatment, and he is still by her side, taking care of her. They have no children of their own because of her condition, but he accepts it and accepts her wholeheartedly. Whenever I hear of this, it really brings tears to my eyes, to see a man so committed and good, beacuse this is indeed love.

 

On the other hand, many men I know claim they love a girl and want to be with her, yet drop her the moment they find something a tad wrong with her, like she may be infertile, or quirky or chirpy or too outspoken for his liking. And here, I have a real life example of a man who marries his wife despite knowing how she is like and that he will never have a normal future with her but still went ahead.

 

It kind of changes one's perspectives, is it not? What is love then? Love is not being lovey dovey and sticky to each other. Love does not mean writing letters and declaring your love. Love does not mean being physically intimate. Love is much more than that. It is accepting the other person, warts and all, and being with the other person through thick and thin, no matter how the person may be and what the outcome may be, and at the end of the day, you are still with the person despite everything. That, to me, is true love. It is shown in the actions you do and not what you say.