Lilypie

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

Kicking Off The New Year

Happy New Year everyone! Start of a new year, start of a new day, start of a new life. I was intending to have just a quiet New Year's Eve at home, when I went out with Sentosa to watch Alien vs Predator 2 (very cheesy show, the first one was better!).

Then I met an acquaintance, but I did not like him at first sight because he smokes, not articulate and there is no chemistry, so I wanted the meetup to end fast. Thus, I messaged Sentosa to help me out, and the nice guy called me and faked an emergency so I could have the excuse to leave. For that, I thank you so much! :-)

After that, I joined the IGNITE church group for New Year's Eve mass and to watch the fireworks countdown. The fireworks were spectacular as usual. Watching the fireworks gave me a sense of loss that I could have watched it with someone else.

I miss watching fireworks sitting by the side of the bay, putting my head on someone's shoulder, with someone's hands wrapped around me, and we just enjoyed each other's company without talking much. I really hope and yearn for this kind of feeling with someone special again.

I received two inspiring messages last night. One was from my second ex, with a poem he composed on his own, "With each minute that passes, we edge towards the crossing of another year. And with each year, we look ahead again in hope for our dreams, our lives. May this greeting find in you that kindred flame of hope, that we all dream, hope and pray for may come to pass. Have a beautiful day, and a better year."

He is still so articulate! I did not make the wrong choice after all! I always wanted a guy who is articulate. By articulate, I do not mean sweet talking all the time, but someone who can write well and express himself well, because only someone with a certain level of intellect can express himself articulately through speech and writing.

Yes, I admit, I am totally turned on by brainiacs! The type of guy I am looking for need not be drop dead gorgeous, or muscular and beefy, or tall and hunky. He just needs to be intelligent, worldly and knowledgeable, and can relate to me when I talk about certain issues I care about or have an interest in. Oh, and he must be a gentleman and knows how to take care of a lady well.

Another inspiring message I received was from a friend, in Chinese, but essentially this is what the message means, "2008 is approaching! Whatever you had, do not FORGET. Whatever belongs to you, do not GIVE UP. Whatever you achieved, please TREASURE. Whatever you lost, take it as a MEMORY. Whatever you had gone through, take it as the PAST. May whatever you embark on in the future becomes your HEART'S DESIRE. Wishing you a happy and peaceful 2008!"

This message came at the right time, because I was still lingering on to a certain short but sweet memory. It is true that a budding relationship that was nipped before it had the chance to develop further is always the most romantic, the most bittersweet.

There is always this lingering feeling of "What if...?" I cannot help but feel that if things did not end as they were, would it have developed further into something more beautiful? Or would it have more conflict along the way since it is obvious our characters clash no matter how much we fulfil each other's criterias in terms of similar interests, goals, attitudes and values towards life?

Despite having such great times with each other, somehow we simply cannot connect on a deeper level, and what is left is just very superficial, on the surface. And since this will cause conflict and not able to go on further, perhaps it is better to end things before any further progress, so both of us would not be too hurt and not waste time going through the whole process only to end up nowhere.

Disappointed I am of course, because everything was so beautiful, and I really felt blessed in that brief time. Even though we were never officially together, I was very well-treated. It is true that if the guy is really interested, he will do his best to make the girl happy.

If I am to find someone again, I hope he will be a combination of those two latest brief dates. Plus being intelligent and articulate, and want to be with me instead of changing his mind suddenly when things are set to go somewhere. That is as perfect as can be. So do I still dare to hope for perfection? Well, I will wish hard and hope my dream comes true!

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