To An Angel ....

My last post for October is dedicated to someone I miss dearly, someone who loved all things blue. This Halloween, I can only think of angels, and this dedication is a bit late as it was supposed to be posted on Saturday when it would have been her birthday.

To Angie, an absolute angel :

You are perfect in every way. You know what love is. You are strong and sincere, a true friend to everyone.

If there is anyone who loves unconditionally, it is you.

If there is anyone who makes the world better just be her presence, it is you.

If there is anyone who gives back much more than was given, it is you.

You have touched my life by your words, your thoughts, your actions.

I have been inspired, and my life has become better just by knowing you.

You make me want to be a better person.

This is not much, but I love you in my own way.

I looked through my book collection, and saw the type of books you may like, and start thinking of you.

I went for plays and theatres and wish I could have gone with you.

I remember how you told me to be confident, to be strong and forget the unhappy memories, your words of encouragement and kindness, and I will give anything just to hear them again.

You are the love of many people's lives, and I want to remember you in that way - an angel, a lover, a sister, a friend.

I miss you.

A Flow Of Emotions ....

It had been a rather emotional weekend for me. Saturday was bad at first but good later on. I woke up feeling upset, as I was missing a dear friend, and the fact that the date itself had always held a significance to me. Also, someone got married on that day.

I did not attend the wedding. I did say I might not turn up, and I got my best friend to send over my gift on my behalf. Perhaps it is petty of me, but I know if I turned up, I would be subject to all kinds of scrutiny by his family members, our mutual acquaintances and by her. And I did not feel strong enough to withstand all the finger-pointing, back-talking and awkwardness around.

Luckily most of the rest of the day went by pretty well. We went to the new ViVoCity and watched two shows, "The Prestige" and "The Guardian". Unfortuntately, we did not have the time to walk around the new mall, so we may be going back again this week or another day to explore the place.

On Sunday, I had to clean my room as my family will be expecting a house guest this Christmas. She is the daughter of my dad's business associate in China. They took care of my brother when he is there, and this girl is now doing an immersion and foundation course in a Chinese college in Malaysia, after which, she will enter one of the Australian universities.

Anyway, she will be vacationing for two weeks around Christmas, and rather than incurring the expenses to go home for just a short while, my parents (and hers) agreed to let her come and stay with us.

So she will be sharing my room. My mum said if it is a guy he will go to my brothers' room. I never had anyone share my room before, so the room really have to be cleaned up for good. And while I was cleaning, I came across two journals.

One contains all my memoirs of the time with my second ex. Coincidentally I found that of all things! And coincidentally again, I set the book down and it opened to a certain page - a page where I noted down all his love poems and notes to me, even with the date and time!

The very last one caught my attention. It was sent to me that fateful day I took a flight to Sydney to attend my cousin's wedding. He sent me the message when I was on the plane, but when I touched down, it was the first thing I read.

The message was, "Without you, my heart is aching. Thinking of you not by my side makes me wish for the days to go faster, where I can feast my eyes on your beautiful form again upon your return. I love you always."

It brought a smile to my lips and a tear to my eye at that moment. Was it any wonder why I was so bewildered when I came home a week later to find him disappeared on me? Or perhaps the message was never meant for me in the first place; perhaps it was for someone else, which meant I had been taken for a ride all along.

But what I find ironic is that I found this the day after his solemnisation. I had been trying to find it all these while and it had somehow always evaded me. I got to the conclusion that I probably left it at his place and he held it back. And now, I managed to find it. So I kept it together in the box that contained all his letters and some photos and put it away.

The second book I managed to find is my own journal. I should not say "find" since it had been right in front of my line of vision for the past few months. My journal entries have been getting longer and my blog entries have been getting shorter (some at least), when it used to be the other way.

I started writing longer journal entries ever since July or so when I was contemplating whether to shut down my blog completely. It got to a stage when I could no longer post anything without people attacking me.

At first I told myself not to bother. But when the attacks became more and more personal, some involving my family and friends, I got really upset. I tried turning on the comment moderation so that I could screen through any nasty remarks but the attacks got even worse.

People think I deliberately turn on the comment moderation so I would not reply to any comments or disapprove or disregard what they have to say. Thus, I got labelled as a fat, ugly cowardly chicken, never want to hear anything bad.

To clarify, I accept negative remarks too. If it is on anything I write and which I have offended others about, I will accept it. But if it is on things that I cannot change about myself, namely how I look or the family I come from, then I will not tolerate it.

I have been told my parents must be idiots to give birth to idiotic children, that my boyfriend will dump me soon since I have been dumped all the time and I deserve that, that I do not have the guts to face the truth that I am a loser.

At times I wonder, if these people deem me as such, why do they still bother reading what a loser writes? My guy brought up the point that perhaps this anonymous is someone I know. In the beginning I refused to believe that anyone I know would backstab me this way, but after recent events, perhaps it may be true after all. Some people whom one deem as "friends" may turn out to be otherwise.

Then I got a gut feeling that it is a whole group of anonymous people, who may be people I know, or people who know people I know. And somehow they chose me to create a havoc in my blog.

Maybe each time I posted something, one of them would then send a message to the rest, saying,"Look, she's done it again! Let's go in and make her feel miserable about herself! Let's make her give up and face the truth that she is better off not living, that the world will be a better place without her!"

And thus, all the personal attacks started coming. I never used to believe that people are so sadistic to make others feel bad about themselves. Perhaps I am idealistic, but I always think people are not that bad, nobody will deliberately make anyone feel lousy or bad.

Especially not people whom I do not know personally (and vice versa). Because if they do not know me personally, by right it is none of their business what I do and what I write. I had asked myself why is it I am the one that get attacked and not others?

Perhaps because others write about happy stuff and general affairs. Whereas I blog about my feelings, good and bad. But that is just life. Life is full of happiness and sadness. And I am someone who lives more on my heart, so when I am upset, I get really moody. When I am happy, I am very happy.

But then again, it is just me. I believe in saying things like it is. And this is my own haven to do as I please. So why must I blog to please others anyway? People can think what they like, and if they choose not to be my friend just because they do not like what I write, there is nothing I can do.

It does not make me a worse person or a worse friend. What I write is only an aspect. People have to really know me in person before they know me. And a true friend will stand by me, no matter what happens, no matter how disapproving he / she is of what I do or write.

Modern Society = Wanton Values?

I wonder is it because I am too conservative, or my parents brought me up to be so old-fashioned? Of course I am not blaming my parents as they are only doing what they think is right and best, and since they were brought up in a certain way, they only know how to bring us up in that way.

I have people who ask me why can I not be more "Westernised", ie those who indulge in sex and show their affection to everyone, behave in a wanton and liberal way. That is not to say that all Westerners are this way. I know of some rather traditional Caucasians too who are wholesome and decent.

Similarly, there are more and more Asians who are getting more and more liberal. It is like after such a long period of submission and repression, everyone (or almost everyone) feel like a bird out of a cage, and want to do anything their hearts desire, be it right or wrong.

This came about after a sort of argument with a friend. He was complaining to me how frustrated he is with his girlfriend and her family. His girlfriend had a bad experience once so is uncomfortable about being intimate with him.

So she refuses sex, and does not like him to touch her all over, or show public display of affections. Her parents are also rather conservative, so do not like her boyfriend to just kiss her or hug her anywhere in front of them; only hand-holding is allowed.

And her parents do not approve of her staying over at his place or going on tours with him alone, unless they are in a group of mixed genders. Sounds like my own parents!

So he is feeling frustrated. He said that this is the modern society, everything is so advanced, and people are so stressed, why can they not just get away for some relaxing time? Well, if sex is in his mind, I do not see how she can have a relaxing time, especially if she is not that keen on intimacy.

He even went so far as to tell off her parents, that if they continue being so restrictive, how are they going to marry their daughter off? All her boyfriends will be scared off. Now, I feel he should not have done that.

I told him how I felt. I said that in the first place, does he really love his girlfriend or is he just using her as a sex tool? Because if he really loves his girlfriend, he will respect her feelings and her upbringing, and not keep forcing himself on her.

He said he has high urges, so when the urge comes, how to control? Well, I am not a guy so I will not know, but from what I have been told, there are other ways to release, are there not? If he cannot even show his girlfriend enough respect, how can he expect her to trust that he will not take her as a sex tool?

I have been through this so I know very well. If the boyfriend only cares for his own urges and not care how his girlfriend feels, then he is someone totally self-centred and selfish. Ultimately, the girl has every right to protect herself, and she has every right to give her body to whomever she likes.

I also told him that he should not tell her parents off. It is their way of upbringing, their way of protecting their daughter. Who is he to say they are right or wrong? If he wants to be with her, he should respect her family's values and culture and not enforce his own thinking on them.

He sounds so much like my first ex, who brought a Bible to my place and tried converting my parents by preaching to them, saying that if they did not bring me up in a Christian way, we were all doomed. Needless to say, my parents really let me have it that time.

My friend kept insisting that he had been denied his rights. Now what rights is he referring to? His rights as a man? So does that mean he has every right to force himself on his girlfriend and she has no right to refuse? I told him has it occur to him that his girlfriend has rights too, the right of self-protection?

Anyway she is just his girlfriend, not his wife. If it is his wife and he has been denied, then he has more justification to be frustrated. I am not saying that a husband can force himself on his wife anytime he likes too; a wife also has her right to refuse sex.

What I mean is that if she has sex with him, and he got what he wanted and dump her, she is the one at the losing end, not him. And I can totally understand her protecting herself this way. A girl will only give if she truly loves the guy and really sure that he is not just after her body, but from the way my friend is behaving, he cannot ensure his girlfriend that.

Needless to say, he says that I will of course side the girl. To me, I am not siding the girl, I just feel that if the guy really loves her, he will not demand that she accommodates him and will show her more respect. If he cannot even respect her values and upbringing, then his morals and values are questionable indeed.

Modern society or advanced age is nothing to do with someone not having good morals or values or behaving in a wanton way. I believe it all depends on oneself how one wants to behave, whether one chooses to be decent and good.

Should Tour Agencies Offer Movie Tours?

One thing I notice is that there are a lot of tour agencies here. At least this proves that on the average, people are affluent enough to go travelling at least once a year. Travel agencies, despite the competition, are still able to sustain.

Of course, different agencies have different types of specialisation. There are tour agencies that do only Asian tours, there are those that do only Australian tours, and there are also those that do only American or European tours.

Generally, the smaller agencies will do mainly Asia tours, with a bit of Australia. The bigger and more established ones will do tours all around the world (mostly), and the tours will be very well-planned and organised, but the downside is that the rates are more expensive than others.

But one thing I notice is that the itinerary is about the same everywhere. I always thought that to really carve a niche, one should offer something which no one else offers. However, despite the competition, the tour itinerary to the same places are always the same, and the prices are not that competitive as well. It is a wonder how they can still survive.

For instance, if one is planning to tour England, it will be mainly Oxford Street, Westminster Abbey, Buckingham Palace and the Tower of London. None offers places like Stonehenge or Anne Hathaway's Cottage at Stratford-Upon-Avon.

If one is planning an Australian tour to Brisbane and the Gold Coast, it will be just Movieworld or Dreamworld. None offers trips to Seaworld or Sunshine Coast.

There are also lack of tours to exotic places like Malta, Peru (of the ruined Inca civilisations), Canary Islands, Fiji, Tonga, Trinidad and Tobago, Mauritius and Seychelles, to name a few.

I feel that to really stand out, the tour agencies should offer movie tours, like the Da Vinci Code trail (which has somehow ended), or the Lord of the Rings New Zealand tour, or the Chronicles of Narnia tour (which incidentally is also filmed on location on the Canterbury Plains in New Zealand), or even the location of Harry Potter's Hogwart's Wizard School.

As it is, if someone hopes to go on any of the tours mentioned, one has to book through a British or New Zealand local tour agency. And that will be much costlier than normal. If local agencies are able to provide this service, then I believe their business will increase twofold at least.

Or perhaps on the average, locals here are just too lacking in culture and adventure that these type of tours will not go down well, and they still prefer normal package tours to go normal places?

Hong Kong Television Serials

I had a super long weekend. My company gave everyone an off day on Monday to tie in with the two public holidays, which accounts for the accumulation of work the past few days.

I have been so bored lately. Now that my salsa classes have ended, with the next stage starting in December, I have taken a break from school and singing, and my social life is almost non-existent with most of my friends busy or dating or married or preparing for marriage, I am lacking of something to do.

So I started being hooked on Hong Kong television series. Not the new ones; those that were filmed around the eighties and nineties. I prefer the older actors to the newer ones as somehow I feel they have more substance, and I enjoy watching their shows! A lot of the newer stars only look good.

There have been lots of drama serials produced in Hong Kong, from period dramas to family to crime thriller. I always go for my favourite genres - crime and justice. Thus, I managed to get the entire File of Justice series (I - V), by far the longest running series from 1991 to 1995.

I also got the Detective Investigation Files series (I - IV). Only the first three are continuous. The fourth series is a totally different story with different actors, but since it is also a police and thief type of show, the producers used back the same name.

The oldest one I have is Return of the Condor Heros. I remember when that was shown on television almost two decades ago, my classmates were all going ga-ga over Andy Lau. At that point in time, he was really handsome and muscular.

The newer series I got is Armed Reaction (I - IV). Plus some of the older shows like Duke of Mount Deer (with the young Tony Leong and Andy Lau) and Legend of the Condor Heroes.

Somehow our local series never attain the standard of Hong Kong shows. The plot, storyline, portrayal of characters are all so real. I think the reason why a lot of people like these drama series can be because the characters reflect anyone of us, ie the things that happened to them can happen to anyone of us.

One can be a high-flyer, but totally messed up in personal and love life. One can be married but still have an affair outside as he / she is not able to find the warmth and love from the spouse. One can give up love just for family and friends.

And not all have happy endings. Not every show has the fairytale ending that the two main characters end up together. The main characters may have to go through lots of trials and upheavels where their relationships are concerned, and still not be together.

There is love and lost, painful breakups, pining for someone, the ache of missing someone. All these can happen to just anyone. Which is why I enjoy watching these shows, as from the story and the various characters, I can relate myself to several of them.

Sentosa Outing

We went down to Sentosa (island) yesterday. We bought the Imbiah Surprise Package which consisted of Butterfly Park and Insect Kingdom, the new 4-D Magix Experience, Carlsberg Sky Tower, Images of Singapore, Skytrain and Luge ride, Merlion, Musical Fountain and a round trip by cable car.

We went in by cab and stopped at the Visitor's Arrival Centre before buying the package. Now that the monorail has closed, we took a bus to the beach station where we first had a picnic lunch consisting of the food I packed. Then we took a stroll along the beach before crossing to the Southernmost Point of Asia Continent.

Bottle tree near the beach - I took this as I find the tree unique

Chameleon I saw on the beach

A cactus plant on the beach

The entrance of the Southernmost Point of Asia Continent

The drawbridge leading to the southernmost point

The beach tram

After coming back from the southernmost point, we took a bus to the Imbiah lookout and started our tour with the 4D Magix Experience, which is a movie theatre that shows four-dimensional pictures. As with 3-D, we needed to wear a type of special glasses in order to see the pictures.

The movie was on pirates and we could actually feel the ground rocking, with wind and water splashing at us, just like in the movie. It was a real thrilling experience!

Queuing up for the 4-D movie (with the special glasses)

Next, we proceeded to the Butterfly Park and Insect Kingdom, where fossils and models of butterflies and insects are kept.

The evolution of man (mural at the entrance of Butterfly Park)

A dragonfly fossil (embedded in a rock)

Fossil of a frog

Fossil of a fish

Examples of butterfly models (my favourite is the one in the middle!)

Life cycle of a Butterfly - the eggs

Life cycle of a Butterfly - the caterpillar (larva)

Life cycle of a Butterfly - the cocoon (pupa)

Life cycle of a Butterfly - the new butterfly (adult)

The man-faced beetle

The African Land Snail (actual size)

The Silk Moths

After seeing all the butterflies, we went to the Carlsberg Tower, which is just a tall tower with a round lift to the top for a view of the whole island.

The Carlsberg Tower

View from the top of the Carlsberg Tower

After coming back to ground again, we went to the Carlsberg Sky Bar next to the tower for our free drink. It was a non-alcoholic green drink with a marshmallow. Nice and soothing, but I could not taste what ingredients were used to make the drink.

The free drink

After cooling off, we proceeded to the Merlion. It is the only tall and big Merlion and we could watch the origins of the Merlion and went to the top of its head.

The Merlion

A mermaid in the Merlion

After coming down from the Merlion, we went to take the Luge ride and Sky train. The Luge was an exciting ride all the way down to the beach, then we took a Sky train back to the point of origin.

The Luge

The Sky train

Our next destination was the Images of Singapore wax museum. The place consisted of wax figures depicting the entire history of Singapore, and history of the various races. The figures also showed what Singapore looked like and was like in the last century until independence.

An old rickshaw in the streets of olden Singapore

We had dinner at the Tastes of Singapore Restaurant in the wax museum itself. We initially wanted to watch the Musical Fountain, but it was too crowded so we decided to go back via the cable car instead.

Actually I wanted to go to the Underwater World and Fort Siloso tour as well, but these were not included in the package and there was no more time. I must go these two places next time. But overall, we had a very enjoyable day with each other!

The Merlion by night

A view of the cable car

In the cabin of the cable car

The door of the cable car

The other side of the cable car cabin

Recipe For Fried Rice

My parents bought me a cake yesterday. My favourite from Awfully Chocolate. This is what it looks like, albeit a half-eaten one. :-p The thick chocolate icing still melts in my mouth when I get to taste it! Now I must learn how to bake that!

A friend promised to bring me out to celebrate my birthday today, so I whipped up a picnic lunch for us. Since both of us do not drive, I could not cook anything fanciful, so I just made fried rice.

These are the ingredients I used :

1. Shredded chicken (cooked until the meat is soft)


2. 3 eggs (beaten, with dark sesame oil)


3. A slab of pork (minced) (Any other types of meat can be used as well)


4. A carrot (diced into small cubes)


5. 1 onion (diced)


6. 1 garlic (diced)


7. 1/2 a cabbage, shredded into small pieces


8. 3 scoops of rice (cooked beforehand)


9. A handful of anchovies (fried until golden brown)

10. A sprinkle of salt

11. A cube of chicken stock

After beating the eggs, heat up a pan and cook them until scrambled. Remove the eggs after cooked.

Put in garlic and fry until golden brown. Add in onion, pork (or any other meat), carrots and cabbage.

Stir fry until the cabbages are soft.

Put in chicken and rice, mix together and stir fry. Simmer for a couple of minutes, then sprinkle the scrambled eggs and salt.

Put in the chicken cube. Wait for it to melt and then mix well.

Serves about 3 to 4. Put in the anchovies only when the rice is ready to be eaten, otherwise they will turn soft and soggy.

This is what the finished product looks like.

I hope he will like this! Off to another wonderful day!

Attack Of The Chocoholic!

Who else in their right minds would eat a big slice of rich chocolate cake with chocolate icing, a bigger slice of chocolate cake with white chocolate icing, and a big cup of frothy hot chocolate with marshmallows?

Only a weirdo like me. Not to mention the sinful Chocolate Chocolate cake which my mum is bringing back from Awfully Chocolate tonight. Very very sinful and I just about blew my diet, but it is pure heavenly bliss too!

And for the first time in goodness knows how many years, my dad is actually around on the day itself to celebrate with me!

Metamorphosis ....

3 days

10 days

3 weeks

2 months

6 months

1 year

1 year 6 months

2 years

2 years 6 months
(Genting Highlands, Malaysia)

3 years

4 years

5 years

6 years

7 years
(Tokyo, Japan)

8 years
(Istana)

10 years

12 years
(Cameron Highlands, Malaysia)

13 years
(Penang, Malaysia)

16 years

17 years
(Fraser's Hill, Malaysia)

18 years
(Grand Canyon National Park, Arizona, United States)

18 years
(Malacca, Malaysia)

19 years
(Pattaya, Thailand)

22 years
(Seoul, South Korea)

22 years
(Recce NTU Hall 13)

23 years
(Bintan Island, Indonesia)

24 years
(Bondi Beach, Sydney, Australia)

25 years

27 years

And now, 28 years