The time comes when everyone has to wake up. Or rather, the time has come for me to wake up from the (dis)illusion of what may come, and face reality. Half of my prayers have been answered, the other half I am still searching for an answer, but for now, I think it is time to move on and not hold on to anything.
Two weeks ago, I was in a mess. Last week was pretty okay. The moment half my prayers got answered, I got the epiphany, and I started being in a happier disposition. Then I started doing a lot of thinking, and reached certain conclusions.
I started thinking, before I got to know him, I was leading a pretty good life. I was happy and satisfied, going on dates with various people, taking things slowly and not jump to any form of conclusions. This was late last year, when the other guy and I agreed to stop seeing each other and move on with our lives.
Then when I got to know him, I was intrigued and interested from the start. When he said he wanted to continue seeing me, I was really excited! But at that point in time, I still did not jump to any conclusions except that he was someone potential whom things may progress. Even then, I wanted to take it slow and get to know each other much better first although we started on a favourable ground.
Who is to know within a matter of just a month or so, so many things can happen? Just a few months back, I was leading a pretty carefree life, but now I cannot go by without thinking of him. After everything that happened in the past couple of years or so, I thought I have finally emerged emotionally stronger than before, but who is to know I can still be so affected?
I am very happy to have known him. And he is an amazing person. It is good that we are still in touch. But there must come a point where I have to let things go in order to save my sanity. As it is, I am losing sleep and appetite, and my body is messing up again.
If I do not let go now, I will keep falling in on my part and then I will be down in the pits again, harder to get up and climb up. Ever since all that trouble last year, I have resolved never to lose sleep or cry over another guy ever again.
So I believe I will survive. It is all a matter of will power. I have resolved to let go before, and did. And the moment I did that, other opportunities came knocking (although I hope if a good opportunity does come again, it will be one that sticks, and not one that gives me hope only to end up in disappointment again).
This will be no different. The only question now is, shall I give him all the things I have intended to give to him (the journals, letters and gimmicks) but never dared to, or shall I just keep them and never let him know?
Two weeks ago, I was in a mess. Last week was pretty okay. The moment half my prayers got answered, I got the epiphany, and I started being in a happier disposition. Then I started doing a lot of thinking, and reached certain conclusions.
I started thinking, before I got to know him, I was leading a pretty good life. I was happy and satisfied, going on dates with various people, taking things slowly and not jump to any form of conclusions. This was late last year, when the other guy and I agreed to stop seeing each other and move on with our lives.
Then when I got to know him, I was intrigued and interested from the start. When he said he wanted to continue seeing me, I was really excited! But at that point in time, I still did not jump to any conclusions except that he was someone potential whom things may progress. Even then, I wanted to take it slow and get to know each other much better first although we started on a favourable ground.
Who is to know within a matter of just a month or so, so many things can happen? Just a few months back, I was leading a pretty carefree life, but now I cannot go by without thinking of him. After everything that happened in the past couple of years or so, I thought I have finally emerged emotionally stronger than before, but who is to know I can still be so affected?
I am very happy to have known him. And he is an amazing person. It is good that we are still in touch. But there must come a point where I have to let things go in order to save my sanity. As it is, I am losing sleep and appetite, and my body is messing up again.
If I do not let go now, I will keep falling in on my part and then I will be down in the pits again, harder to get up and climb up. Ever since all that trouble last year, I have resolved never to lose sleep or cry over another guy ever again.
So I believe I will survive. It is all a matter of will power. I have resolved to let go before, and did. And the moment I did that, other opportunities came knocking (although I hope if a good opportunity does come again, it will be one that sticks, and not one that gives me hope only to end up in disappointment again).
This will be no different. The only question now is, shall I give him all the things I have intended to give to him (the journals, letters and gimmicks) but never dared to, or shall I just keep them and never let him know?
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