I just attended the first birthday of my cousin's son. Time really flies, he is one year old already! Imagine how much a baby can grow in just one year!
It was a fun celebration, with lots and lots of food (in fact, we had to bring so much food back) and a four kilogram Mango cake decorated with Disney characters. The celebration was held at a function room in a condominium belonging to my cousin's friend.
It is a good thing having all the family members around, and seeing some people whom I seldom get to see but for special occasions and gatherings. Yet why do I somehow feel that my heart was not in it? Somehow I feel down and disturbed, with a heavy heart.
Is it because with all these family gatherings and seeing how people of my generation bringing their own mates and families, I feel a kind of deep yearning that it could well have been me, celebrating my baby's birthday with my spouse and family by my side? Is it because of the baby's celebration that somehow got me reminded of certain things I did not wish to be reminded of?
Or is it because certain things (tennis courts, squash courts, Disney characters) somehow reminds me of a certain person? Someone I have started to miss quite a fair bit, sometimes wishing he was around. Coincidentally I just received a new year greeting from him. I wonder if I am still in his mind as well?
I have no idea why I am feeling like this. Actually I do have an idea, because I have started to seriously like him before we had to make the decision to end any progress. Maybe that is why this pining is stronger than previous times. Looks like I can still be emotional and moody!
But I will live. I came out of a six-year relationship and a broken engagement unscathed. What is a mere few weeks and the initial stages of like compared to six years of ups and downs, deep love and attachment? If I can survive that, I can definitely survive this in no time!
I do not want to start off the new year feeling down and moody. I want to be happy and face up to new challenges and hopes. So I must resolve to be cheerful and happy and not let anything affect my mood!
It was a fun celebration, with lots and lots of food (in fact, we had to bring so much food back) and a four kilogram Mango cake decorated with Disney characters. The celebration was held at a function room in a condominium belonging to my cousin's friend.
It is a good thing having all the family members around, and seeing some people whom I seldom get to see but for special occasions and gatherings. Yet why do I somehow feel that my heart was not in it? Somehow I feel down and disturbed, with a heavy heart.
Is it because with all these family gatherings and seeing how people of my generation bringing their own mates and families, I feel a kind of deep yearning that it could well have been me, celebrating my baby's birthday with my spouse and family by my side? Is it because of the baby's celebration that somehow got me reminded of certain things I did not wish to be reminded of?
Or is it because certain things (tennis courts, squash courts, Disney characters) somehow reminds me of a certain person? Someone I have started to miss quite a fair bit, sometimes wishing he was around. Coincidentally I just received a new year greeting from him. I wonder if I am still in his mind as well?
I have no idea why I am feeling like this. Actually I do have an idea, because I have started to seriously like him before we had to make the decision to end any progress. Maybe that is why this pining is stronger than previous times. Looks like I can still be emotional and moody!
But I will live. I came out of a six-year relationship and a broken engagement unscathed. What is a mere few weeks and the initial stages of like compared to six years of ups and downs, deep love and attachment? If I can survive that, I can definitely survive this in no time!
I do not want to start off the new year feeling down and moody. I want to be happy and face up to new challenges and hopes. So I must resolve to be cheerful and happy and not let anything affect my mood!
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