Last night I took the long way home, while thinking of a particular Robert Frost poem. To understand a bit more about the geographical location of my place, my house is in between two train stations. There are about ten directions to go to my place from both the train stations (not including the directions from the various bus stops leading to my place).
If I am to alight from the first train station, I will need to turn left and go straight, past a hawker centre, two food centres, and three traffic junctions before I enter the lane leading to my house. I normally avoid that route because the traffic there is usually heavy and it is very time-consuming to wait for the traffic lights to turn.
Thus I will normally alight from the second train station. I will turn left, right, then go all the way straight then right at the third turning, straight and left at the second turn. My house is somewhere around the edge. I always prefer this route because it is a straight pavement without any traffic lights, so it is less time-consuming.
To clarify, when I mention the first and second train stations, it is according to the easterly route back from town. If I come from the airport towards the westerly route, it will be reversed - the first train station will be the one I alight and the second train station will be the one with the traffic junctions.
However last night, I was suddenly in the mood to take the long way home, which is to alight from the second train station, and instead of turning left, I turned right. It will bring me a whole round around the estate, then straight, left, left again at the third turn and finally right at the third turn. Initially I thought it would take a long time, but in actual fact, the entire journey from the train station to my place took only twenty-five minutes or so!
What possessed me to take the long route home, despite being close to midnight by the time I alighted from the train? Perhaps I was still reliving the mood of the musical. Or perhaps I was missing someone really badly, and wanted to take a long walk to clear some cobwebs from my mind.
Or perhaps there happened to be a half moon, and I wanted to take a moonlit walk, breathing in the cool night air, reminiscing the times when we went to the beach in the moonlight, where we would engage in deep, stimulating and intellectual conversations, and share our innermost thoughts. Walking alone makes me yearn for his company very very much.
My left brain tells me to move on, yet my right brain tells me to follow my heart (however misguided it may be again). And despite how much I try to infuse both my brains, and to think more with my left brain, my right brain always emerges the winner, otherwise I will not be in this current situation.
Each day I have a teeny weeny itsy bitsy bit of hope that perhaps he feels the same way too? Perhaps he is thinking of me as much as I am thinking of him? Perhaps he too, miss all the great times we had? Although I know with my kind of luck, this is probably not the case.
Which makes me wonder how come guys could show so much interest and enthusiasm in a girl at first, more than she did, treated her like a princess, with such high respect and chivalry, held her in such high esteem, yet when they decided to pull out, they really cut off and treat it as if nothing happened?
Because I cannot take it as if nothing happened. The fact is that something has happened. My emotions and feelings have been triggered. I am no longer indifferent, not that I was indifferent in the first place, because I was attracted from the very beginning.
But from mere attraction I have really grown to like him a lot. I will not say the feelings have developed into love, because love is not to be taken so lightly. But for sure I have this yearning that I really want to be with him, to know him much better, to develop and progress, to confide in him about anything and everything.
I took the long way home hoping to think things through and resolve to make up my mind once and for all. I went home, wanted to go to bed, his image came into my mind and I ended up tossing and turning the whole night. When I got out of bed this morning, my first thought was him, and I was so tempted to send a good morning message to him.
And this reaffirms how I feel. I have found my soulmate again, after so long, after I never thought I would ever find one again, and a better one at that. I have made my choice, no matter how remote the chances are, even if ultimately things may not go anywhere.
He said in a recent email to me how he felt about me during that period of time when we went out with each other, and he said he is keeping an open mind, want us to remain friends and keep in touch, hoping to find a direction so who knows what the future will bring?
Very true, who knows what the future will bring? I trust in God that He will bring forth an even better one for each of us if both of us are not meant to be. But for now I am not going to settle for just anyone, any second best.
So until the day when love really happens and someone manages to make me let go and forget and trigger off such strong attraction, emotions and feelings in me again (whoever that may be), I shall live with my choice. Que Sara Sara!
If I am to alight from the first train station, I will need to turn left and go straight, past a hawker centre, two food centres, and three traffic junctions before I enter the lane leading to my house. I normally avoid that route because the traffic there is usually heavy and it is very time-consuming to wait for the traffic lights to turn.
Thus I will normally alight from the second train station. I will turn left, right, then go all the way straight then right at the third turning, straight and left at the second turn. My house is somewhere around the edge. I always prefer this route because it is a straight pavement without any traffic lights, so it is less time-consuming.
To clarify, when I mention the first and second train stations, it is according to the easterly route back from town. If I come from the airport towards the westerly route, it will be reversed - the first train station will be the one I alight and the second train station will be the one with the traffic junctions.
However last night, I was suddenly in the mood to take the long way home, which is to alight from the second train station, and instead of turning left, I turned right. It will bring me a whole round around the estate, then straight, left, left again at the third turn and finally right at the third turn. Initially I thought it would take a long time, but in actual fact, the entire journey from the train station to my place took only twenty-five minutes or so!
What possessed me to take the long route home, despite being close to midnight by the time I alighted from the train? Perhaps I was still reliving the mood of the musical. Or perhaps I was missing someone really badly, and wanted to take a long walk to clear some cobwebs from my mind.
Or perhaps there happened to be a half moon, and I wanted to take a moonlit walk, breathing in the cool night air, reminiscing the times when we went to the beach in the moonlight, where we would engage in deep, stimulating and intellectual conversations, and share our innermost thoughts. Walking alone makes me yearn for his company very very much.
My left brain tells me to move on, yet my right brain tells me to follow my heart (however misguided it may be again). And despite how much I try to infuse both my brains, and to think more with my left brain, my right brain always emerges the winner, otherwise I will not be in this current situation.
Each day I have a teeny weeny itsy bitsy bit of hope that perhaps he feels the same way too? Perhaps he is thinking of me as much as I am thinking of him? Perhaps he too, miss all the great times we had? Although I know with my kind of luck, this is probably not the case.
Which makes me wonder how come guys could show so much interest and enthusiasm in a girl at first, more than she did, treated her like a princess, with such high respect and chivalry, held her in such high esteem, yet when they decided to pull out, they really cut off and treat it as if nothing happened?
Because I cannot take it as if nothing happened. The fact is that something has happened. My emotions and feelings have been triggered. I am no longer indifferent, not that I was indifferent in the first place, because I was attracted from the very beginning.
But from mere attraction I have really grown to like him a lot. I will not say the feelings have developed into love, because love is not to be taken so lightly. But for sure I have this yearning that I really want to be with him, to know him much better, to develop and progress, to confide in him about anything and everything.
I took the long way home hoping to think things through and resolve to make up my mind once and for all. I went home, wanted to go to bed, his image came into my mind and I ended up tossing and turning the whole night. When I got out of bed this morning, my first thought was him, and I was so tempted to send a good morning message to him.
And this reaffirms how I feel. I have found my soulmate again, after so long, after I never thought I would ever find one again, and a better one at that. I have made my choice, no matter how remote the chances are, even if ultimately things may not go anywhere.
He said in a recent email to me how he felt about me during that period of time when we went out with each other, and he said he is keeping an open mind, want us to remain friends and keep in touch, hoping to find a direction so who knows what the future will bring?
Very true, who knows what the future will bring? I trust in God that He will bring forth an even better one for each of us if both of us are not meant to be. But for now I am not going to settle for just anyone, any second best.
So until the day when love really happens and someone manages to make me let go and forget and trigger off such strong attraction, emotions and feelings in me again (whoever that may be), I shall live with my choice. Que Sara Sara!
1 comments:
Actually ... it is que sera, sera.
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