Came across something touching : "If I happened to show up on your door step crying, would you care? If I called you and asked you to pick me up because something happened, would you come? If I had one day left to live my life; would you be part of that last day? If I needed a shoulder to cry on, would you give me yours?"
And these are the very questions which I plan to ask someone. A pity it is so hard to find someone willing to do all these to another person, especially one whom he claims he / she loves. Most people treat their loved ones, and even their friends, for granted.
Another thought-provoking thing I came across, in Chinese though. I will try to translate along the way, although the meaning may not come out in its entity.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~当我们远行那天，试想有3人送行。
And these are the very questions which I plan to ask someone. A pity it is so hard to find someone willing to do all these to another person, especially one whom he claims he / she loves. Most people treat their loved ones, and even their friends, for granted.
Another thought-provoking thing I came across, in Chinese though. I will try to translate along the way, although the meaning may not come out in its entity.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~当我们远行那天，试想有3人送行。
第一个人从一大早就哭着不要你走，一直拉着你的手说会一直想你，约好每天联系若干次，把你送至门口，然后回屋子里去继续看他崇拜的偶像的电视演唱会。
第二个人帮你收拾行李，替你做好早饭，开车送你到机场，说：保重！然后回去工作。
第三个人默默地坐在离你很远的地方看着你，什么也没说什么也没做，你几乎感觉不到他的存在。可是他思念你，时时刻刻为你担心，每天早中晚三次向他的上帝祈祷你的平安，并在祈祷中得到平静。
当我们回来的时候，我们：
给第一个人买很多可爱的礼物，带他去吃饭，去游乐场，看到他我们很快乐，感觉清安，连天空的色彩也变得透明。
给第二个人一个拥抱，帮他倒垃圾，为他这个月可以拿很多奖金而高兴，为有他的陪伴而庆幸。
给第三个人一个礼貌的微笑，说：嗨！然后不知道如何表达。
当我们失去他们的时候：
失去第一个人，我们失去了生活的色彩，灰暗了一段时间后，突然在街角遭遇新的色彩，开始新的旅程。
失去第二个人，我们失去臂膀，无力举起未来的重担，吃过很多补品后，终于恢复原状。
失去第三个人，开始没有感觉，终于有一天发现从失去的那一天开始自己的灵魂也随之而去，发现失去了无形的堡垒，永远无法填补。
第一种感情是情人的，子女的，朋友的，年轻的。
第二种感情是丈夫的，妻子的，朋友的，中年的。
第三种感情是父母的，爱人的，知己的，永远的。
第一种付出的是语言。
第二种付出的是时间。
第三种付出的是生命。
Translation to the above :
Imagine when you are going away on a long journey, there are three people who go see you off.
The first person keeps crying, holding on to you, saying how much he will miss you, promise to contact you several times everyday, then after seeing you out of the door, goes back to watching his favourite band in concert.
The second person helps to pack your luggage, makes you breakfast, drives you to the airport, says, "Take care!", then goes to work.
The third person lurks in the shadows looking at you, not saying or doing anything, never even letting you notice he is there. But he misses you, thinks and worries for you all the time, prays for you every morning and night, achieving peace through prayer.
When you return, you will :
Buy lots of nice gifts for the first person, have a meal together, go hang out at amusement parks or shopping malls, very happy to see him, feels so good that even the colours of the sky can turn transparent.
Hug the second person, throw away the trash, happy that he is getting a pay raise and bonus, feels blessed to have his companionship.
Smile at the third person, say "Hi!" and after that nothing else.
When you lose them :
Upon losing the first person, you feel that you have lost all hopes and colours in your life, only darkness remains. A while later, you may suddenly meet a new hope on the streets, and start a new journey.
Upon losing the second person, you lost your support, a shoulder to cry on, no longer has the energy or inclination to face the future, after lots of "healing", finally goes back to normal.
Upon losing the third person, you may not feel anything initially, but finally realises one day that the day you lost him is the day you seem to have lost your soul too, you have lost your tower, never able to return.
The feelings for the first person is that of young couples, of sons and daughters, of friends, superficial emotions of young.
The feelings for the second person is that of husbands and wives, of close friends, more grounded emotions of maturity.
The feelings for the third person is that of parents, true love, soulmates, unconditional feelings that may be for life.
The first type of feelings, all it takes is speech and actions.
The second type of feelings, takes time.
The third type of feelings, takes a lifetime.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Meaningful, is it not? Most people are happy if they can find someone willing to be the second person - someone to marry and support. For me, the idealistic and dreamy person I am, I will go for the third person - that of true love, soulmate and an unconditional lifelong relationship.
After all, it is easier to find someone to marry than to find someone who can really love you unconditionally for life. People change along the way, so to find someone who really love you unconditionally, he will be with you no matter what happens, whereas for a lot of married couples, they start to drift apart once the partner changes.
Of course, the most perfect scenario is to find someone who loves you unconditionally for life to marry. But I wonder, just how many people are that lucky? People know my stand on this, that if I marry, it will be to someone I love unconditionally (and vice versa), otherwise I will not marry.
This reminds me of another story which my colleague told me earlier. She said that a Christian pastor once told her that there are three kinds of love - material, reason and unconditional.
Material love is you agree to marry a person because he is rich, or he loves you a lot, or he is eligible. Reason to love is you like him because he is handsome, or attractive, or charming. But unconditional love is you love without any reason, but just keep loving.
For Christians, they are always told to seek the third type - unconditional, because in the wedding vows, there will always be "for better or worse, in sickness and in death". Because that is true unconditional love, to be with a person no matter what happens.
She gave me an account of a true testimonial of a dating couple. They were still relatively young, and only started dating a few months. Then the girl contracted lupus. She wanted to break up with him, and everyone else advised that they should split since she would be a burden as her illness may never recover.
But he was determined to be with her, and married her. Lupus will make a girl temperamental and have uncontrollable outbursts, yet he stuck by her, taking care of her, tolerating her tantrums.
Now, two years later, the girl has her illness under control, and she said having the illness is the best thing that ever happened to her, because she found out how truly her husband loves her.
Very inspiring indeed! Stories like this makes me feel really shallow that people can break up for all the minor reasons. Maybe I shall start praying for someone who loves me unconditionally and whom I can love unconditionally, and not just one-sided on my part and noncommittal on his part. Then perhaps for once I can turn my love life around and finally settle down.
Imagine when you are going away on a long journey, there are three people who go see you off.
The first person keeps crying, holding on to you, saying how much he will miss you, promise to contact you several times everyday, then after seeing you out of the door, goes back to watching his favourite band in concert.
The second person helps to pack your luggage, makes you breakfast, drives you to the airport, says, "Take care!", then goes to work.
The third person lurks in the shadows looking at you, not saying or doing anything, never even letting you notice he is there. But he misses you, thinks and worries for you all the time, prays for you every morning and night, achieving peace through prayer.
When you return, you will :
Buy lots of nice gifts for the first person, have a meal together, go hang out at amusement parks or shopping malls, very happy to see him, feels so good that even the colours of the sky can turn transparent.
Hug the second person, throw away the trash, happy that he is getting a pay raise and bonus, feels blessed to have his companionship.
Smile at the third person, say "Hi!" and after that nothing else.
When you lose them :
Upon losing the first person, you feel that you have lost all hopes and colours in your life, only darkness remains. A while later, you may suddenly meet a new hope on the streets, and start a new journey.
Upon losing the second person, you lost your support, a shoulder to cry on, no longer has the energy or inclination to face the future, after lots of "healing", finally goes back to normal.
Upon losing the third person, you may not feel anything initially, but finally realises one day that the day you lost him is the day you seem to have lost your soul too, you have lost your tower, never able to return.
The feelings for the first person is that of young couples, of sons and daughters, of friends, superficial emotions of young.
The feelings for the second person is that of husbands and wives, of close friends, more grounded emotions of maturity.
The feelings for the third person is that of parents, true love, soulmates, unconditional feelings that may be for life.
The first type of feelings, all it takes is speech and actions.
The second type of feelings, takes time.
The third type of feelings, takes a lifetime.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Meaningful, is it not? Most people are happy if they can find someone willing to be the second person - someone to marry and support. For me, the idealistic and dreamy person I am, I will go for the third person - that of true love, soulmate and an unconditional lifelong relationship.
After all, it is easier to find someone to marry than to find someone who can really love you unconditionally for life. People change along the way, so to find someone who really love you unconditionally, he will be with you no matter what happens, whereas for a lot of married couples, they start to drift apart once the partner changes.
Of course, the most perfect scenario is to find someone who loves you unconditionally for life to marry. But I wonder, just how many people are that lucky? People know my stand on this, that if I marry, it will be to someone I love unconditionally (and vice versa), otherwise I will not marry.
This reminds me of another story which my colleague told me earlier. She said that a Christian pastor once told her that there are three kinds of love - material, reason and unconditional.
Material love is you agree to marry a person because he is rich, or he loves you a lot, or he is eligible. Reason to love is you like him because he is handsome, or attractive, or charming. But unconditional love is you love without any reason, but just keep loving.
For Christians, they are always told to seek the third type - unconditional, because in the wedding vows, there will always be "for better or worse, in sickness and in death". Because that is true unconditional love, to be with a person no matter what happens.
She gave me an account of a true testimonial of a dating couple. They were still relatively young, and only started dating a few months. Then the girl contracted lupus. She wanted to break up with him, and everyone else advised that they should split since she would be a burden as her illness may never recover.
But he was determined to be with her, and married her. Lupus will make a girl temperamental and have uncontrollable outbursts, yet he stuck by her, taking care of her, tolerating her tantrums.
Now, two years later, the girl has her illness under control, and she said having the illness is the best thing that ever happened to her, because she found out how truly her husband loves her.
Very inspiring indeed! Stories like this makes me feel really shallow that people can break up for all the minor reasons. Maybe I shall start praying for someone who loves me unconditionally and whom I can love unconditionally, and not just one-sided on my part and noncommittal on his part. Then perhaps for once I can turn my love life around and finally settle down.
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