Modern Society = Wanton Values?

I wonder is it because I am too conservative, or my parents brought me up to be so old-fashioned? Of course I am not blaming my parents as they are only doing what they think is right and best, and since they were brought up in a certain way, they only know how to bring us up in that way.

I have people who ask me why can I not be more "Westernised", ie those who indulge in sex and show their affection to everyone, behave in a wanton and liberal way. That is not to say that all Westerners are this way. I know of some rather traditional Caucasians too who are wholesome and decent.

Similarly, there are more and more Asians who are getting more and more liberal. It is like after such a long period of submission and repression, everyone (or almost everyone) feel like a bird out of a cage, and want to do anything their hearts desire, be it right or wrong.

This came about after a sort of argument with a friend. He was complaining to me how frustrated he is with his girlfriend and her family. His girlfriend had a bad experience once so is uncomfortable about being intimate with him.

So she refuses sex, and does not like him to touch her all over, or show public display of affections. Her parents are also rather conservative, so do not like her boyfriend to just kiss her or hug her anywhere in front of them; only hand-holding is allowed.

And her parents do not approve of her staying over at his place or going on tours with him alone, unless they are in a group of mixed genders. Sounds like my own parents!

So he is feeling frustrated. He said that this is the modern society, everything is so advanced, and people are so stressed, why can they not just get away for some relaxing time? Well, if sex is in his mind, I do not see how she can have a relaxing time, especially if she is not that keen on intimacy.

He even went so far as to tell off her parents, that if they continue being so restrictive, how are they going to marry their daughter off? All her boyfriends will be scared off. Now, I feel he should not have done that.

I told him how I felt. I said that in the first place, does he really love his girlfriend or is he just using her as a sex tool? Because if he really loves his girlfriend, he will respect her feelings and her upbringing, and not keep forcing himself on her.

He said he has high urges, so when the urge comes, how to control? Well, I am not a guy so I will not know, but from what I have been told, there are other ways to release, are there not? If he cannot even show his girlfriend enough respect, how can he expect her to trust that he will not take her as a sex tool?

I have been through this so I know very well. If the boyfriend only cares for his own urges and not care how his girlfriend feels, then he is someone totally self-centred and selfish. Ultimately, the girl has every right to protect herself, and she has every right to give her body to whomever she likes.

I also told him that he should not tell her parents off. It is their way of upbringing, their way of protecting their daughter. Who is he to say they are right or wrong? If he wants to be with her, he should respect her family's values and culture and not enforce his own thinking on them.

He sounds so much like my first ex, who brought a Bible to my place and tried converting my parents by preaching to them, saying that if they did not bring me up in a Christian way, we were all doomed. Needless to say, my parents really let me have it that time.

My friend kept insisting that he had been denied his rights. Now what rights is he referring to? His rights as a man? So does that mean he has every right to force himself on his girlfriend and she has no right to refuse? I told him has it occur to him that his girlfriend has rights too, the right of self-protection?

Anyway she is just his girlfriend, not his wife. If it is his wife and he has been denied, then he has more justification to be frustrated. I am not saying that a husband can force himself on his wife anytime he likes too; a wife also has her right to refuse sex.

What I mean is that if she has sex with him, and he got what he wanted and dump her, she is the one at the losing end, not him. And I can totally understand her protecting herself this way. A girl will only give if she truly loves the guy and really sure that he is not just after her body, but from the way my friend is behaving, he cannot ensure his girlfriend that.

Needless to say, he says that I will of course side the girl. To me, I am not siding the girl, I just feel that if the guy really loves her, he will not demand that she accommodates him and will show her more respect. If he cannot even respect her values and upbringing, then his morals and values are questionable indeed.

Modern society or advanced age is nothing to do with someone not having good morals or values or behaving in a wanton way. I believe it all depends on oneself how one wants to behave, whether one chooses to be decent and good.