I went for dinner with a fellow Catholic last night. He was baptised a year before me, and has been rather active in church. Talking with him is really comfortable and enlightening. Makes me clear up a bit on some confusion over certain aspects of my life.
I received a letter from my Japanese pen pal. Her English has improved a lot! At least she is able to write grammatically correct sentences now! The last I heard from her was July last year, when she told me about her new-born son (actually he was born in November 2006).
In her latest letter, she said she had divorced and moved back to her parent's place. Thus she had now retained her maiden name, and is bringing up her son on her own. When I hear cases like these, it makes me change my perspective in life a little.
Perhaps it is just as well none of my relationships work out, since looking back, I do not foresee being able to share a life-long relationship with any of them (save for one). Imagine if I have gotten married to either, have a kid, then in the end things do not work out and we end up divorced, the kid is the one that has to bear the brunt.
So many people are holding on because of children, but if it gets to the stage where both cannot even stand the sight of each other anymore, what is the use? My mother always says things have to work out somehow, so responsibility and commitment are very important when two people get together.
True, if both are committed and responsible, they have to work things out somehow. Which is why one has to be really careful in choosing a life partner, someone who is willing to be committed and responsible to you (and vice versa) throughout the rest of your life, no matter what happens.
Which makes me reflect on the recent state of affairs. Is it worth holding on, hoping that things may change for the better, or is it better to move on and hope to come across someone who can be really committed enough to want things to work out despite differences and difficulties?
Again, my left and right brains are at two different poles of a magnet. The eternal conflict of the confused mind.
I received a letter from my Japanese pen pal. Her English has improved a lot! At least she is able to write grammatically correct sentences now! The last I heard from her was July last year, when she told me about her new-born son (actually he was born in November 2006).
In her latest letter, she said she had divorced and moved back to her parent's place. Thus she had now retained her maiden name, and is bringing up her son on her own. When I hear cases like these, it makes me change my perspective in life a little.
Perhaps it is just as well none of my relationships work out, since looking back, I do not foresee being able to share a life-long relationship with any of them (save for one). Imagine if I have gotten married to either, have a kid, then in the end things do not work out and we end up divorced, the kid is the one that has to bear the brunt.
So many people are holding on because of children, but if it gets to the stage where both cannot even stand the sight of each other anymore, what is the use? My mother always says things have to work out somehow, so responsibility and commitment are very important when two people get together.
True, if both are committed and responsible, they have to work things out somehow. Which is why one has to be really careful in choosing a life partner, someone who is willing to be committed and responsible to you (and vice versa) throughout the rest of your life, no matter what happens.
Which makes me reflect on the recent state of affairs. Is it worth holding on, hoping that things may change for the better, or is it better to move on and hope to come across someone who can be really committed enough to want things to work out despite differences and difficulties?
Again, my left and right brains are at two different poles of a magnet. The eternal conflict of the confused mind.
3 comments:
The ideal is not to get into a situation you don't want to be in. Unfortunately, people choose to be wilfully blind and ignore things in the hope "it will work out" somehow.
The Catholic Church does not accept divorce because if two people freely entered into marriage, a covenant before God, then they are committed to making it work.
The Church does grant annulments, which are a statement that the marriage never existed because full and free consent was not given.
I can sort of understand your Japanese friend's situation. I also have a Japanese friend who was desperate to get married. I know of three instances when she was planning the marriage and things fell through. Eventually she did marry (a Canadian). She is a very nice person and I like her a great deal, but I am not convinced she was wise when it came to matters of the heart. Maybe it has changed now, but there was a lot of pressure in the past not to end up a Christmas Cake.
Not just the church, even for other religions or beliefs, once a couple gets married, both should be committed to making it work. A lifelong relationship is definitely not easy, not that I have experience in this matter, but I do believe that being with a person for life needs lots and lots of commitment and compromise for things to be smooth.
The key is commitment, not compromise.
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