My colleague was remarking earlier that I seem to be having more white hair lately. Hmmm... must have been due to all the thinking I have been doing. My best friend was just asking me, is that guy so good that he could get me into such a state, a state which she had never seen me in for so long?
I seriously have no answer to that. There is no reason to like a person. To really state a reason, it is because he is the first person I had an initial attraction to from the start, before I even know what he looks like. Yes, sounds really childish. Maybe I am too old to feel this way, this kind of so-called "crush" which only young kids will feel.
But to me, the initial attraction was not a mere crush, because we were only corresponding through emails and phone calls, and did not meet up until a month later. So it was not exactly "love at first sight" or anything like that.
But I know from the first time he initiated contact with me, I was already interested. This guy is articulate, and he writes with a certain amount of wit and humour. People know intelligence, wit and articulacy totally dissolve me!
Plus he has a performance certificate in piano playing. The first person I came across (besides my late music teacher and music lecturers in university) that has a higher piano performance qualification than me who states Chopin as his favourite composer. Not to mention an ex competitive squash player, and one who reads heavy literature as well as history of the world, and really appreciates artwork at that!
Of course all these are just superficial, on the surface. What really amazes me is that when we meet up, we have such great chemistry that we thoroughly enjoyed the times with each other. With him, I wished time would standstill and the date(s) would never end, something which I have never felt about any other guys I went out with (save for my second ex).
Not just that, we both like the simple things in life. We both like just hanging out at coffee joints, and strolling along the beach at dusk, sitting on the breakwater gazing at the moon and the stars, counting the planes flying by.
And we have such deep, stimulating and intellectual conversations with each other, that I feel so connected. I never know I can ever find someone who can totally relate to me, and whom I can talk to about anything and everything!
What a lethal combination, right? Is it any wonder why I am (still) so attracted? It was like a dream come true to have met him. I am not saying that he meets all 100% because it is impossible for anyone to really meet 100%, but I must say he is about the best I have ever gotten so far. I thought the previous guy was the best already, but this one really takes the cake.
And it was not one-sided on my part as well. He was showing so much interest and enthusiasm too. He kept asking me out, dating me in style, giving me such a good time, went to support me at the carolling when I told him I was nervous about the performance, offered to drive me around when it was raining and I had no transport, begged me to be his date for his sister's Christmas Eve party.
He even confessed that he did not want me as just a platonic friend. He told me that he never knew he could meet someone like me - who matches up to him in terms of interests and values, who could relate to him so well, and whom he could talk about anything and everything without any reservation.
So why? Why give me such high hopes and then dash them? Why must the fates let me meet such an amazing guy, when I have just about given up hope and looking to revise my criteria, then when I met him I thought there was still hope, yet suddenly take him away from me just when we were about to embark on a beautiful journey? Why?!
I seriously have no answer to that. There is no reason to like a person. To really state a reason, it is because he is the first person I had an initial attraction to from the start, before I even know what he looks like. Yes, sounds really childish. Maybe I am too old to feel this way, this kind of so-called "crush" which only young kids will feel.
But to me, the initial attraction was not a mere crush, because we were only corresponding through emails and phone calls, and did not meet up until a month later. So it was not exactly "love at first sight" or anything like that.
But I know from the first time he initiated contact with me, I was already interested. This guy is articulate, and he writes with a certain amount of wit and humour. People know intelligence, wit and articulacy totally dissolve me!
Plus he has a performance certificate in piano playing. The first person I came across (besides my late music teacher and music lecturers in university) that has a higher piano performance qualification than me who states Chopin as his favourite composer. Not to mention an ex competitive squash player, and one who reads heavy literature as well as history of the world, and really appreciates artwork at that!
Of course all these are just superficial, on the surface. What really amazes me is that when we meet up, we have such great chemistry that we thoroughly enjoyed the times with each other. With him, I wished time would standstill and the date(s) would never end, something which I have never felt about any other guys I went out with (save for my second ex).
Not just that, we both like the simple things in life. We both like just hanging out at coffee joints, and strolling along the beach at dusk, sitting on the breakwater gazing at the moon and the stars, counting the planes flying by.
And we have such deep, stimulating and intellectual conversations with each other, that I feel so connected. I never know I can ever find someone who can totally relate to me, and whom I can talk to about anything and everything!
What a lethal combination, right? Is it any wonder why I am (still) so attracted? It was like a dream come true to have met him. I am not saying that he meets all 100% because it is impossible for anyone to really meet 100%, but I must say he is about the best I have ever gotten so far. I thought the previous guy was the best already, but this one really takes the cake.
And it was not one-sided on my part as well. He was showing so much interest and enthusiasm too. He kept asking me out, dating me in style, giving me such a good time, went to support me at the carolling when I told him I was nervous about the performance, offered to drive me around when it was raining and I had no transport, begged me to be his date for his sister's Christmas Eve party.
He even confessed that he did not want me as just a platonic friend. He told me that he never knew he could meet someone like me - who matches up to him in terms of interests and values, who could relate to him so well, and whom he could talk about anything and everything without any reservation.
So why? Why give me such high hopes and then dash them? Why must the fates let me meet such an amazing guy, when I have just about given up hope and looking to revise my criteria, then when I met him I thought there was still hope, yet suddenly take him away from me just when we were about to embark on a beautiful journey? Why?!
4 comments:
Why don't you ask him?
Tell him how you feel. Tell him how you think about him. Tell him how you interpreted his initial interests. Ask what happened.
Only he can answer it. Everyone else can only give you fairy tales.
You will be forever tormented by "What ifs" and "Whys" if you don't because you will never have an answer. Without an answer, your soul will never be quieted - it will be restless and fevered and continue in mad delirium.
I am not saying you will necessarily like his answer (assuming he gives one), but it will truly begin closure.
We already have a few talks before he suddenly pulled out. I thought that was the end, but a few days later he said anything could happen again so I should view in a positive light.
Which is why I was so confused. But all that is done for. I'm not going to be the one holding on blindly if he no longer feels the same way anymore.
So? Do you know why he has stopped expressing interest or not?
Only conclusion I can gather is that he is not absolutely sure beyond a doubt that he really wants to be with me, hence the sudden distant.
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