Bookworm Deluxe : The Diary Of Anne Frank

My last book review of the year. I thought to write something that has touched and inspired me ever since young. I first read this book as part of the reading programme back in Secondary One, and I was hooked. The book itself combines history, education, pains of adolescence and eight Jewish people's survival during the holocaust known as the second world war.

Recently I acquired the complete version entitled "The Diary of Anne Frank : The Revised Critical Edition", which has all three versions of the diary (original version, Anne Frank's editions and her father Otto Frank's final edition for publications), her "Tales From The Secret Annex", as well as her only novel "Cady's Life" (which she did not manage to complete).

While re-reading and doing a more in-depth understanding of the book, I gained a better insight into her life, how she felt, the atrocities of war and the typical young adolescent girl's problems in growing up, first love and blossoming. I could relate to a certain extent, as I went through almost the same thing while growing up, but of course, I have been very lucky never to experience war, or be persecuted or had to go into hiding.

The book related to human nature in many aspects, shows the best and worst in people in situations, and the story itself is as life as ever can be. It is just like Anne Frank is living all over again, talking to people about her life and situation, just like the blogs of late.

I imagine if she is living in the modern world now, she will be blogging and communicating with everyone. But in this way, perhaps her diary will never get famous. Perhaps the book is so famous worldwide can be it was written by someone who passed away during the war, and also it was a fulfilment of her legacy by her father. If she is to have a blog rather than a diary which was published, would she have gained world wide fame?

Love On A Rebound?

Love itself is a mystery. One can never know just how to handle when love strikes. There are those lucky ones who never fall in love until the right one comes along, and then they stay together for life. I always admire these people, because they are really willing and committed to make the relationship last.

There are those who fall in love, then not willing to brave through the little problems that come with it, and run away at the first opportunity. Are these people cowards? Or just not committed enough? Or worse, shallow and narrow-minded who only go for the surface and will run after another better one at the next moment?

When love ends, one party may be more hurt, or perhaps both parties will be hurt. But whoever that does the dumping will never be as hurt as the one being dumped. In many cases I have come across, the one being dumped often gets into a bigger mess, while the one doing the dumping can go on like as before.

It is commendable in a way for a person to move on, although where his / her ex is concerned, this person is being "heartless" by ditching him / her and then take it like nothing happened. The ex will then wonder just how much he / she was loved, and whether the dumper ever feels upset or uneasy at the break up.

I have friends who took a short while to recover, moving on with someone new within a few months. There are those who never really recover, and even after they did manage to find someone new, their feelings for the ex never really died. Then there are those who never did get over the ex and stayed single.

The thing is, when a relationship ends, is there a time limit to finding someone new and hopefully better? Even after moving on, how would one know if he / she has totally gotten over the ex? In many instances, one will think he / she has gotten over, but years down the road, even after getting attached or married to someone else, the ex may suddenly pop up in his / her mind. Does this mean he / she has never really gotten over the past?

If it is so easy to forget the past, there will not be so many heartaches and misery in the world. The worst case is love on a rebound. There are people who got attached to another person within weeks after breaking up. Is it possible to get over a person so fast, or is the new person just a lifeline to get out of misery?

When I got together with my second ex, my parents and best friend thought it was a rebound, especially since my best friend knew how messed up I was after the end of my first relationship. But it was my first love, so definitely I would be messed up, especially after the way he treated me, which left me scars up to now.

But it was not a rebound, that I know. We already knew each other for a year or so, hung out quite often especially since I always needed help in my work, and for a while, he liked my classmate so I tried to help bring them together. But she did not accept him, as that time he was rather big-size and she preferred someone skinny. So each time he asked her out, she always wanted me to go along.

One day, she cancelled a date at the last minute, so he and I ended up spending the day with each other. That was when I realised that we had so much in common, first time I know someone who complemented me in almost every aspect, liked the things I liked, think the way I think. It was just so perfect, and if life is perfect as well, we would still be together, probably married already.

Maybe that is why I took much longer to get over him, maybe that is why I still feel bitter and hurt over his sudden dsappearance after six years together, and maybe that is why if I can be idealistic, I would want someone just like him (minus the temper, ego and stubborness) to share my life with. But as I said, life is not perfect, which is why I am grateful for who I have now, since he treats me well and I am happy with him. Afterall, it had been so hard to find someone who truly treats me well.

Come to think of it, I feel very sorry for my third ex. Maybe I was still not that sure of my feelings when we started. Maybe it was because to a certain extent, he reminded me a little of my second ex, which was why I accepted him when he asked. But the similarities ended fast. Being together with a person and being just mere friends are totally different.

And I admit, on more than one occasion, I held his hand, thinking of my second ex. There was even once when he kissed me and I imagined it was the previous guy. The things he did, what he said, somehow I drew a comparison between the two guys. I felt really really bad afterwards. I would not say I totally did not love him, but maybe my love for him was not as strong as how I felt for the previous guy. Which is probably why when we split, somehow it was more of a relief for me than anything else.

My friends also commented I did not appear as upset when I split with my third ex, as compared to the previous time when they were so worried I might do something silly. Even now, when I heard he was getting married, I cried the day I heard the news. And now when he is finally married, I cried the night before his wedding.

Was I taking my third ex as rebound then? Honestly speaking, I am not sure myself. Perhaps I was, or perhaps I felt that somehow with him, I never did get the sense of happiness and security as I had when I was with my second ex. I know it is not fair to compare, but being humans, we do tend to compare who is better. Even parents compare their own children, let alone others. Afterall, if one already had the best, why would anyone settle for second best?

But after my third relationship, I learnt a huge lesson. That is never to enter into a relationship unless I am absolutely sure I love the person wholeheartedly. It is the most unfair to take someone as a rebound. If one loves someone else, he / she will accept the person as a whole, accept everything of the person, and n0t let trivial things get in the way. I admit there are a lot of things I could not tolerate about my third ex, perhaps because I never loved him enough?

Now with my current relationship, I know for sure I love him. Because he triggered in me feelings which I never experienced when I was with my third ex. These feelings gave me a sense of deja vu, as the only other time I really experienced feelings like these was years ago when my second ex and I first got together.

With my current guy, I can accept anything he does (not that he is doing anything bad in the first place). I can accept when he has no time to meet me, or having mood swings. These are things which I could tolerate about my second ex, yet could never do so with my third ex.

So why is it I treat my current guy better and am more tolerant? I have no answer to that. My third ex will be totally pissed if he ever finds out, but that is just something without an answer. One can only say that if you love someone truly, you can accommodate anything. But if you do not really love a person, then there are many things which you are not able to compromise.

Bringing Up Children ....

So I have been running around entertaining guests the past few days. We brought our guest and Australian relatives out for dinner, went over to my grandmother's house to interact with them, and catch up with each other's lives. It has been a mad rush, but rather wonderful as I can get to spend time with people close to me.

I never realise this, but when I sit back and observe objectively, I realise that my Australian cousins are brought up differently. I do not mean brought up differently like they are brought up the Western way, and we the Asian way, but "different" as in all three of them are brought up differently.

The eldest one got more scoldings and reprimands than anyone else. I witnessed it myself in the past when the whole family came and the parents were extra harsh on him. Is it because he is the eldest? Somehow it seems like the eldest child gets the brunt of the parents' harsh words and strict upbringing, but the youngest child gets the affection and love. I see it in my own family too.

The second one has more freedom to do what he likes, just like my first brother. The youngest one is more protected by the parents, who still view him as their baby, even though he is already an adult. This seems to be the same for my youngest brother too.

I wonder if the parents themselves know about the different treatment of the children? I guess every child is different, so maybe the parents treat each child according to his / her character and personality. But by doing this, they may show that they are favouring one child over another, and no child will feel good about it (except for the one being "favoured").

I used to tell my mum that she blatantly favours my youngest brother over any of us. She denies it vehemently. At that point in time, I refused to believe and felt that of course she would deny, as no one would ever admit they are treating people unfairly, even though it may be very obvious.

But after hearing how my friends and cousins bring up their children, why some kids get more punishment and others can get away with just a light reprimand, I can understand a little. Some kids are just more mischevious, and without harsher punishments, they may not learn their lessons. Some are by nature better behaved, so the occasional once-in-a-while accidents will be more easily overlooked.

Parents are humans after all, thus when bringing up their children, they tend to treat each one differently. One rule cannot be for all. How you treat this child may not necessary work on another child. I know that too well after my teaching stint. One cannot treat every child the same way, because each child is different from the next.

Still, I wish my parents can treat us the same way, now that we are all grown. I would so love for them to show me the affection like how they always show my youngest brother. As I reflect back on how I was brought up, I start to wonder just exactly what constitutes as being well brought-up? How far should parents go for their children?

There are parents who do everything for the children. The children need not worry about a thing, and even after these children start working, the parents will still be at their backs, encouraging them, ensuring they are well-protected, making sure no one bullies their little darlings.

These children then grow up sheltered and not knowing what to do. My mum told me that there are cases where one of her subordinates just started work, and they were in a brainstorming session. No one accepted her ideas. She got really upset as apparently, back at home, she could do anything she likes and whatever she said will always be accepted. So she went home to complain to her parents that she felt so insulted, and the next day her dad came and tendered her resignation for her.

There are also instances where scholars or those under bond did not like what they were doing, so wanted to get out, and the parents signed a cheque of a large sum of money just to pay back their bonds. My parents will never go to that extent for me, so in a way, I do admire these parents for willing to do that for their children.

My parents believe in sheltering me, not allowing me to do lots of things. While growing up, I was almost grounded, not allowed to go anywhere or do anything. I was not allowed to watch any television, go for any movies, have my own radio and listen to music, or talk on the phone.

I was also not allowed to go out to the beach and cycle or roller-blade, or bowl with my friends. I was also not brought out to do sports like running or tennis or squash. The only sports I was allowed was swimming, as my mum view that as a survival skill, not unnecessary recreation. I was not even allowed to read, although I read as much as I could while they were not around me.

All I could do was to go to school, go for enrichment lessons, go home, do my homework, study. This went on for a large part of my student life, until I completed secondary school, and after that, I rebelled. It was then I started going out with my friends for meals and movies and bowling, although not too often since my own allowance was limited.

Which explains why up to now, I still cannot really cycle and totally cannot roller-blade, because I am not like the kids nowadays who start from young. I also started learning tennis and squash only at an older age, which also explains why no one wants to play with me, since it is harder to pick up a new skill the older one gets.

So when our house guest wanted to go roller-blading, I was too embarrassed to tell her I cannot do it. I saw kids as young as six cycling and roller-blading away like an expert, and I was struggling to even balance the bicycle, and I felt so embarrassed. Worse is that these kids and their parents looked at me as if I was some sort of imbecile since I could not cycle.

I should not say that my parents did a bad job. It is never easy bringing up children as one wrong move can destroy their lives and future completely. To me, I feel if I am to be a parent, then I do it to the best of my ability, instead of just bringing a child into the world and then totally neglecting him / her. At least from my own experiences, I can see which are the ones I never liked, and bring up my own children in a better way, ie letting them experience as much as possible while still young. I do not wish any of my kids to be like me, not knowing how to do a lot of things and missing out so much in life.

Apocalypse Now?

One thing I notice is that lately, major natural disasters have been occurring around this time. No doubt that when volcanoes start spewing, earthquakes start shaking and typhoons start blowing, these can occur at any time. But in recent years, it seems only during this period of time that the major ones start to occur.

Whether it is a coincidence or whether it is a sign, I have no idea. But why is it only during the festive season, just post-Christmas, that major destructions occur due to natural disasters? Some parts of the world are still recovering from the massive tsunamis of Boxing Day two years back, and now there is a big earthquake that disrupts many of the cables bringing wireless access to all over the world.

Of course what is a mere disruption of internet as compared to the many people who lost their lives, homes, families and land due to the big tsunami? By right, we should be grateful for what we have, as compared to those who have been through worse. But being humans, people tend to just take things for granted and lament about any inconvenience in their lives.

Yet when I see what the world is coming to, I cannot help but feel is the end near? Are we fast approaching the end of the world? There is something in the Bible (Revelations I think) that says something about this, if I am not mistaken. Something about how the world will become worse, calamity after calamity will strike, and after that it will be the end of the world.

And it seems to be fast coming true. More diseases are striking people, animals are getting sick (first the cows, then the pigs, then the birds, and now with the mercury poisoning and virus in fish), vegetables being poisoned by insecticides or fertilisers, water being poisoned by toxic waste, icebergs melting at a fast rate, volcanoes, earthquakes and forest fires occuring more frequently than before. All these seem to be going towards apocalypso.

If the end of the world is coming, then is there a way to prevent? Will it be even worse than the flood during Noah's time? Somehow I cannot seem to live comfortably anymore when I think that the end may be near, anytime soon, within years, months, days even.

Too Dependant On Technology?

Finally the internet is up! It had been a big mess at the office, with websites and emails not working, and could hardly get any work done. So I spent almost the whole two days clearing things and moving to the place recently vacated by the former Legal Counsel, since the new person taking over the Assistant Vice-President of Group Legal will only start work around mid to end of January.

This makes me wonder : are we now too dependant on technology that we cannot function if the machines are out of order? If we have a natural disaster that fuses all cables, do we then cry out in helplessness instead of enjoying the simple life of not using the computer for a while? In that case, how did people live before the age of technological advances?

I guess probably because all over the world, everyone is inter-dependant on technology. Instead of faxing, calling and mailing, we now use emails to send correspondence and documents. Instead of writing or typing, we now use the computer and word processor to churn out documents, be it for work reports, school assignments or even personal letters. Instead of queuing up to sign up for modules, now students use a web-based system to sign up for modules online.

This technology age does convenient everyone. But at the same time, it lets people be too dependant on non-living things, that once something is spoilt, no one can function. Just like my dad, each time whenever the computer runs into any trouble, he will scream at me to help or to call someone in to fix the system. It is like he will never have a peace of mind unless the computer is restored.

Perhaps the affecting of the under sea cables due to the earthquake will start to knock senses into everyone, that we should not take technology for granted. True, the age of the internet helps everyone, but there are many people in the world who does not have internet access or even a computer at home, and they seem to be living happy lives too.

Is Love Fair?

Christmas is supposed to be a time of love. Which makes me reflect on the exact meaning of love. Just like in the show "Love Actually", there are all kinds of love. Love between family members, husband and wife, friends, co-workers.

Family members give one a heart-warming feeling. Perhaps it is shown more in the Western world, where they express their love more freely through hugs and kisses. For Asians (Chinese especially), the only way they show love is to be ovely critical. The more they love you, the more critical they will be. Which makes me wonder just exactly how that is love.

But love itself is never fair. Just because someone shows affection through actions does not mean another person will be the same. Thus love should not be judged through mere words or actions.

There are many cases where a very loving couple split up. And it is surprising because they always hug or kiss each other, show their affections, yet still split up. And then there are those who never even hold hands or show how close they are, but yet they are the ones who stay together.

Maybe it all depends on how love is viewed by others. Perhaps to a guy, he may not think it is necessary to tell or show how he loves his woman, because it is all in the heart. But to some girls, they want reassurance, so they will like the guy to tell her he loves her and show her how much she means to him, rather than just blow hot and cold treatment and neglect her sometimes.

As it is, love is never fair, especially for unrequited love. Just because Guy A loves Girl A but she loves Guy B who loves Girl B, it does not mean Girl A should then accept Guy A. If Girl A still loves Guy B, even though he is someone who can never be hers, it is simply not right to love someone else as a replacement just because he loves her. And she cannot expect the guy she loves to accept her just because she loves him.

I have experienced it myself. I do not love someone just because that person says he loves me, if I have absolutely no feeling for him. Similarly, I do not expect someone to love me just because I like him so much, if he has no feeling for me.

Love does not work that way. Which is why unrequited love is the hardest to bear, because if everything is just a one-sided affair, the lover will be the one going through emotional turmoil only to have the other party playing along with his / her feelings.

Similarly, in a relationship, nothing is fair. Of course if both parties put in 100%, it will be perfect, but then life is never perfect. Often than not, it is one party putting in more effort to maintain the relationship, and the other party not really bothering much.

The question then is : if the girl is putting in all the effort in a relationship and trying to do so much to maintain, but the guy is unreceptive and being hot and cold, shall she opt out and just go for someone else, if she still loves the guy? Similarly for a guy, if he is doing everything he can to make the girl happy but she is totally unreceptive and taking him for granted, shall he then give up and go for someone else if he still loves her?

I think guys will find it easier to give up, because many girls I know are suckers for love after all, especially die-hard romantics like me. They will rather stay in a relatively unhappy relationship if they still have feelings for the guy and hoping that he will change his attitude one day, rather than to opt out and cause more heartache for herself.

The guy is treating the girl unfairly, but when it comes to love, nothing is fair. There are also guys who are willing to do whatever it takes to keep a girl, no matter how badly the girl treats him. Whatever one does for love is all worth it, no matter how one suffers or accommodates. Stupid as it sound to some people, but love is blind. So blind that it does not matter even if nothing is fair, even if one person ends up miserable and suffering.

A Christmas Weekend

The Christmas weekend had been rather fulfilling. On Saturday, I met my best friend for lunch as she wanted to introduce her boyfriend to me. I can see why she fell for him in the end, and I really hope he will be the one for her. She brought along her youngest sister, cousin and another one of our friends.

I joined my best friend and her group for a singing session. I have not sang for a while, but my voice is still alright (I think). At least there is nothing out of pitch, that is all that matters! Afterthat, we went for dinner, did some shopping, and went to watch that "bosomy" show "Curse Of The Golden Flower".

On Sunday, my house guest arrived, and we brought her out for lunch. The rest of the day were spent resting before I attended midnight mass. Somehow I could not get the atmosphere of last year. Is it because it is a different church? Or is it because I am not totally free from all burdens and depression?

Yesterday, Monday, Christmas Day itself. We went out for lunch, then my first brother and I brought her cycling. Or rather, they went cycling, while I was still struggling to balance the bike! Better than before already, I could at least pedal a few steps on my own before falling off.

Last night, my Australian relatives arrived. Only my aunt, uncle and youngest cousin, since the elder two are busy with the impending birth of his kid and with his impending wedding respectively. We went out for dinner as a get-together. Then, the young(er) ones (my brothers, our guest and my Australian cousin) went to the streets of Orchard while the rest of us went to my grandmother's place to catch up with my aunt and uncle.

Thus, it had been a busy Christmas. Yet somehow why do I feel like something is missing? Is it because I did not manage to spend Christmas with someone special? I am not saying that I do not want to spend Christmas with my family members, but then Christmas is a time for love and giving after all, so it makes it more meaningful if I can be with all the people I really love!

It's Going To Be A Lively Christmas!

Merry Christmas and a happy New Year to one and all! This Christmas will be a lively one for me, as not only will my entire family be around, we have a house guest, my Australian relatives are coming back as well! Furthermore, we are expecting the birth 0f two new generations - the babies of two cousins, somewhere around this time. Hopefully they will be Christmas babies, otherwise will be around New Year.

What If Our Loved One Is A Criminal?

There is an adage that blood is thicker than water. But how far would one go for one's family members? What if one of your family members become bankrupt? Will you leave him / her in the lurch or will you be the first one to loan out the cash to tide him / her (and the family) over?

I have observed that as Asians, Chinese especially, we are the most calculative towards our own family members. How often have my friends complain that when they hold a wedding dinner, it is their friends who give more than their own relatives? It is like relatives take for granted that it is a must to invite them, so they need not give that much.

But all these are just trivial. What happens if your family members or loved ones commit a crime and get sent to jail? How far will you go for them then? Will you be the first to get a good lawyer, fight their case, give them all the support they need, or will you just ostracise and leave them to fate?

My cousin works in the prisons department. She said that the families of prisoners do come and visit them and willing to give them a chance to turn over a new leaf, and will accept them when they finish their sentences. It is good to see such love and commitment.

But there are some who will vehemently refuse to have anything to do with the person anymore. Parents will disown their children, siblings will not recognise each other, all because they have committed a crime and got sent to jail.

But mistakes do happen. Even the wife of the guy who raped and murdered the little girl, she stood by him all along and pledged to wait for him (although useless now since he got the death penalty). Some people will say this is admirable, that she believes in her husband until the end. Some will say this is stupid and she should cut herself off from her murderer of a husband.

But criminals are humans as well. People may debate that they were inhuman when they committed the crime, but that aside, if they are genuinely sorry for what they have done, should the family and close ones not forgive them and give them the chance to start anew? Afterall, if even the family is not willing to stick with them, then what hope is there left for the criminal in question?

Of course when it comes to a person's life, there will always be varying answers. A murderer who gets the death penalty will cause sorrow and despair to his own family, but to the family of the murdered victim, they will rejoice.

No one pities a murderer. Especially not someone scheming, cunning and heartless like the infamous Adrian Lim, who took away two children's lives just like that, or the more recent Anthony Ler, who not only planned the murder of his wife, but made a young kid do the dastardly deed for him, and the poor kid's life is ruined just like that.

Everyone says they deserve their just deserts, ie the death penalty (and for the kid, being a minor, life imprisonment until the President pardons him). Now if we are the family members of Adrian Lim, or Anthony Ler, or even that kid, how would we feel? Adrian Lim's two wives were both sentenced too for helping him murder the children.

But what about Anthony Ler? He left behind a young daughter. How would she feel? And the kid that committed the murder? How would his parents and siblings feel? If we are the family members, would we cut off all ties? Would we visit them in prison, talk to them, show them support, wait for them to be discharged (if ever) and treat them nicely when they come out?

I suppose we can never feel the turmoil the family members will feel unless we one day get into a similar situation. For me, I hope never to be in this type of situation ever, because I never want to experience such turmoil and heartache.

Of Fur Trade

I always wonder why people buy furs, especially in tropical weather. There will hardly be any occasion that we get to wear any fur! It will be madness in this weather! Even with the rainy season where the air is so cooling and windy, temperatures will still not go below twenty degree celsius, so there will be no need for fur!

No doubt there are people who buy in case they go overseas, especially during this time when the Northern hemisphere is having the winter season. But still, is it really necessary to buy fur for this purpose? Any cashmere or wool should suffice. Or fake leather, something thick enough to cover.

People buy because furs are in fashion and they look nice. But they are so expensive, not worth the price. In the first place, they are so heavy. Even by touching it, one can tell how heavy it will be on one's body.

In the second place, just think of how many poor animals have been bred in extreme conditions and slaughtered for this purpose. Why would anyone ever think that any animal or living thing should sacrifice one's life just for the sake of one's vanity?

I am not talking about slaughtering meat to eat. We are all part of the food chain and need food to survive. If it is for survival, then it is still tolerable I guess. But to slaughter animals just so we can wear on our bodies? I find that intolerable that any living thing can be used for this purpose, all for the sake of fashion!

I admit I do have some fur-lined clothes. I bought them for the purpose of going overseas to a colder climate, and also because they are nice and stylish. But they are all synthetic. I can tell because they are not expensive, not heavy, and the "fur" lining is more coarse, not as fine as, say real mink.

I do have wool and cashmere too, handed down from my mum, but from what I know, wool and cashmere are made by shaving off the sheep's or goat's hair, not killing the entire animal altogether.

Thus, if anyone wishes to buy fur, there are cheaper, nicer and lighter alternatives. One does not need to splurge on a real product. If there is no more market for fur, then the animals (some almost extinct as a result) can then be saved and left to lead their own lives, instead of being killed for anyone's fancy.

Of Third Parties ....

Third parties have always been viewed negatively by a lot of people. Actually, "third party" encompasses a lot of things. Technically speaking, a "third party" is anyone that is outside of the parties involved.

Third parties can mean an external party at work. For instance, in my job I deal with contractual documents. Besides the two parties involved executing the documents, there will be an external or neutral person to bear witness to the signatures.

Third party can also be someone in one's social circle. One example can be a friend tries to set up two friends. This mutual friend will then act as a matchmaker, a third party, to introduce the two to each other. Something like what those dating agencies are doing.

A third party can also be used in conflict. Any conflict that arises through work or life will normally be put before a mitigator or arbitrator, where this person will then try to resolve all differences amicably and peacefully. Just like if a group of friends fall out with each other, sometimes someone will try to play peacemaker to prevent further misunderstandings.

Thus, third parties are not all to be viewed in a negative way. I guess whenever someone mentions "third party", people will automatically tune to a third party in a relationship. Normally, people's opinions that third parties in a relationship are ladies who will go all out to get the guy, even though he may have a girlfriend, fiancee, wife. These ladies are labelled as "sluts", "vixens", "shameless", etc.

Why so, I wonder? Are the ladies always to blame for anything? Can it not be that the guy himself went to fool around, despite being not single, and the lady fell for him without knowing his full status because he did not tell her, and by the time she found out it was too late? Can she really be blamed in this case?

Ladies in this situation will always be scolded for being a homewrecker. But what about the guy? How come he can get off free from blame when he was the one that started the whole mess in the first place? And somehow those guys who stepped into another person's relationship to get the girl never get blamed; rather they get praised by their buddies for being brave to fight for what they want. So unfair!

I guess the worst feeling is falling for your close friend's partner. On one hand, you will never think of betraying your friend (those who did are not true friends in the first place), but on the other hand, you pine for the partner and wonder why your friend got all the luck. Then you see them all hugging and kissing when you go out together and you feel so terrible and wish it was you doing that instead.

Close friendships have been known to end because of a guy (or girl). Two best guy pals have been known to fall out over a girl they both like, same for girls. I believe it is only the truest of friends that will never allow the guy or girl to get in between the friendship. So either they both give up, or they let the person involved make the choice and give complete blessings.

It is never easy being a third party in a relationship, in whichever way. All the more so for an unrequited and possibly impossible love. There are all kinds of people in the world. Some will choose to just be quiet and suffer in silence, some will go all out to fight, and some will just disappear so as not to be involved.

Whichever option, it is never easy because either way, someone will be hurt. If one chose to give up, he / she will be the one that is hurt, especially since he / she sees the loved one with the friend. If one chose to fight, then the friend and possibly the loved one may be hurt and get into an awkward situation. There is no win-win situation in this case.

Discharged (In A Way) ....

I went for another counselling session tonight, and this time my counsellor told me that my emotions seem to have stabilised, so it is not necessary to make another appointment. However if anytime I feel like in need, I can always call in and go to see him again.

Hmmmm.... is that a good sign then? That he thinks I am alright and can move on with my life, or is it because he thinks I am beyond help thus feel there is no point seeing him anymore? I sincerely hope it is the former. If it is the latter then I am in deep trouble.

Due to my counselling appointment, I missed out on a gathering at the Mint Museum of Toys. It is a newly set-up museum filled with all the toys of old, in mint condition (although the Mint in the museum name means something else). I have heard that there is Popeye, Betty Boop, Tin Tin (I wonder if that means there is Snowy too?), and I suppose toys like Batman which the guys will like.

There are even old comics! All the things worthy of reminiscing and nolstaigia! There is even a cafe in there! I have to go there and take a look for myself, the place already sounds so interesting and seems like it will be someplace I will like!

Speaking of which, I have yet to go down to the newly-renovated National History Museum. I heard good things about it, and how the new Museum is much better than the old one. Now that my house guest is coming this weekend for two weeks, perhaps I can bring her around and visit the museum(s) with her.

My house will be fully-packed this festive season. My dad will be around, my first brother will be coming back tomorrow, our guest is coming this weekend. First time there are eight people staying in the house, and all the rooms are full (rooms that are bedrooms that is).

First time we have a Christmas and New Year with a full family, otherwise in previous years, there will always be someone not around. I wonder if I can convince my parents to throw a big party then and invite others? Afterall, we always get invited to parties thrown by my relatives, it will be a change if we do the hosting this time round.

Over And Under Confident

I always wonder about the meaning of confidence. The dictionary states the various meanings of the word. Confidence can be self, in others, in things, or even as a secret. Self-confidence is believing in oneself. Confidence in others is believing in others. Confidence in things is believing that all will turn out well. And taking into confidence means sharing the secret with another person whom you trust will not blab.

But what I am confused about is self-confidence. It is all well having confidence in others, but what about oneself? When is it being confidence, and when is it being downright haughty? Afterall, too much self-confidence can make a person arrogant and narcissistic, thinking that he / she is too good for anyone or anything.

People always tell me I should have more confidence in myself. Is there a difference being of no self-confidence, or knowing your limits? After all, if you really have no ability to do a certain thing, is it considered as having no confidence when you say you are not able to do it?

If you know you are not good enough, is it being of no confidence if you are stating the truth? But when is it considered as "not good enough" anyway? Can a person be "not good enough" before he / she even tries out anything, instead of knowing one's limits and not waste time trying?

Then when is it over-confident? Will over-confidence be a person's downfall? There have been people I know who never study for their examinations, yet can pass with flying colours. While poor chaps like me struggle to do a final revision, they were the ones gloating and boasting about how easy the subject was. And when they scored better than those who studied so much, sometimes all you feel like is giving them a kick.

I guess the hardest will be to balance the two. How to swing from being too overly confident to being not confident? Which one is the middle line? The grey area, instead of everything in black and white? This is something which I have been trying to figure out all my life.

Reel Versus Real

People say life is like a movie. Some others say drama serials reflect real life. At times I think real life is more dramatic than reel life. But however "realistic" drama serials are, there are certain bloopers that make them seem unreal.

1. The hair and makeup still looks so fresh even after the person had been lying unconscious in the hospital. Now, if only my hair and makeup can be immaculate the whole day, I need not worry about spending too much time grooming before stepping out of the house.

2. The person stepped out to answer the doorbell and came back with a totally new set of clothes. How I wish I can change that fast!

3. The roads always seem to be empty whenever the person speeds. How I wish it can be so lucky all the time, then accidents will not happen already!

4. People dress to the nines even at home. Do they not wear ordinary casual wear or house dresses while at home, instead of looking so immaculate from head to toe? Afterall, do people really bother to dress up when they are lazing about at home? Chances are they dress down.

5. No matter what job you are holding, you can afford an expensive place and car. Now this is something I wish can be true in real life.

6. People can spend money without any limit despite not working. Where did all the cash come from?

7. Your family and friends will always get you out of scrapes. Again, I wish life is that easy.

8. The house is always so neat and tidy, despite how busy the person is, with no domestic help. Now this is something I really wish can happen to me! That my room will always be neat and tidy even when I have no time to really clean it properly!

Sometimes I wonder, does drama really reflect real life? Or is life really a stage, where everyone plays a part? Then I wish my life can be simpler and easier.

Home Exchange, Anyone?

I had been inspired by "The Holiday" (a heartwarming show, by the way) and starting having this idea that perhaps the next time I go on vacation I can just swop houses with someone else from anywhere in the world.

The website used in the show is Home Exchange, which really exists. Out of curiosity, I went into the website and discovered that there are many in the world who are willing to exchange houses with others and go away for a while.

There are even a few where I come from, but the houses are mainly landed properties and condominiums and owned by expatriates. Why is that so, I wonder? There are no public flats for exchange (maybe under government regulations this is not allowed?), and there are no Asian families putting their houses up for exchange.

Somehow it seems like Westerners are more for this idea. Is it because as Asians, people are still rather close-minded and will be horrified if they think of letting strangers stay in their house for a while and vice versa? Afterall, Asians will take it as some form of imposition (which is a no-no) if they so much as stay in another person's house.

To me, I find this idea very appealing. Imagine a cosy cottage somewhere in the countryside. This is one swell way to get out of the rut and get away for some real peaceful relaxation. Besides, if I am to tour the place, there may be a guaranteed place to stay for the duration, instead of shuttling between hotel and hotel or inn and inn.

Searching the website, I saw there is a cottage right in Shakespeare country! Now how perfect would that be! The main problem is to convince my parents to do the same thing, but knowing them, it will be impossible to convince them to swop houses with anyone. :-(

Rain Rain Go Away ....

The rain has been going on incessantly for the past few days. The downpour had been so heavy that certain areas were flooded. People had to immerse in water up to their knees. Luckily the areas I went to were pretty alright, although the rain is getting on my nerves.

The rain had done some damage. Whoever said we live in a sunny island, safe from natural disasters? Well, we had our own "natural disaster", although of course compared to other countries right in an earthquake or volcanic zone and prone to tsunami waves, we are pretty fortunate.

Anyway, due to the continuous heavy rain, besides certain areas being flooded, trees were blown over, uprooted, and some houses and shops were damaged as certain parts of the house caved in and fell. When I saw the news, the scene looked right out of one of the tsunami or Katrina pictures, with water and collapsed buildings.

This is also the time when there is hardly any hot water, and we had to switch to electric heater instead of the usual solar heater when we need to shower. The climate is cooling and windy, rather comfortable actually. I would not mind this kind of climate (minus the rain) throughout the year, instead of the sweltering heat we always have.

The worst thing is that the laundry takes an extra long time to dry. I am not worried about my external clothes, but I am running out of underwear! This is the time where I have an excuse for putting on long-sleeve knit-tops and turtlenecks without perspiring profusely. Seems like we also change clothes according to season too!

O Christmas Tree ... O Christmas Tree ....

A friend asked where to buy a Christmas tree. As compared to other countries like Australia or America, the people here do not really celebrate Christmas by hanging up stockings or decorating Christmas trees. We do not even have real Christmas trees in the first place!

If we want to get a Christmas tree, we have to get fake ones from the departmental stores around. But that is meaningless, afterall, what is Christmas without a real tree? How I wish I can celebrate Christmas by being tucked away in a snowy place with my loved one, in a log cabin, with a nicely decorated fir tree (one that is already past its prime so I will not need to kill a tree just for the sake of decorating it) with balls and stars and trimmings, where a cosy fire is burning.

I can bake a log cake or Christmas cookies, hang up Santa stockings, roast a turkey or chicken, make a Christmas pudding and celebrate it the real old-fashioned way like how the English used to celebrate. That is the beauty of Christmas - traditional, not the modern commericalised version that is so widespread lately.

Come to think of it, my family never had a Christmas tree, not even a mini one! My first and second exs had Christmas trees and gift exchanges, as to their familes (perhaps being Catholics), Christmas is a rather big thing for them, much more than Chinese New Year.

My family is the other way round. My parents will not bother putting up any trees and whatever gifts they got for us would be handed to us on the day itself. Rather, for Chinese New Year, they still insist on the traditional way of hanging up red lanterns, that odd-looking plant, pasting red letterings and banners and giving us a "sleeping ang pow" for the new year.

So when my friend asked me this question, I was at a loss of what to tell him. He wants a white tree, not just a green one. He was rather surprised when I told him I never bought a Christmas tree in my life, as he thought I, off all people, will celebrate Christmas.

Well, I do celebrate Christmas in my own way, but I just never had a tree. Anyway, upon checking out, I realise that all the big departmental stores are selling Christmas trees and decorations, and some are having big sales on the trees and decorating pieces.

Now, I only wonder if they are selling white trees instead of green.

Wine Appreciation

If I could, I would become a sommelier. Working in a high-class restaurant, recommending the finest wine to customers and mixing and matching the wine to get the finest taste out sounds so interesting! Just a pity I get drunk so easily.

Even though I am not a wine person, I get fascinated by the different types of wine available on the market. What is the difference between white wine and red wine anyway (besides the colour of course)? How to tell which wine goes with which type of food? And how to tell a Lafite from a Conti, a Chardonnay from a Shiraz?

What is apple cider and champagne? What is the difference between wine and beer? Spirits and rum? Brandy and martini? How I wish someone can supply me with all these answers, because even after researching, I am still confused!

Arrogance Or Humility?

Is there a thin line between being humble or being arrogant? Arrogance normally refers to those people who think they are better off than others and look down on them. But what about humility? When is it being humble and when is it putting down oneself?

For instance, is it being arrogant if you pick and choose your friends? Most people I know do pick and choose friends. They only hang out with those they can get along with, and those that have no chemisty whatsoever they do not bother developing the friendship.

Before I was with my third ex, I did meet a guy who was almost "perfect", in terms of qualifications, intelligence, height, religion and character. As a bonus, he is quite good looking as well. He never hid the fact that he would like to develop our friendship further.

However, I rejected him before anything happened, simply because he is a regular smoker. My third ex said that I am so proud to reject him just on this basis. But for me, I cannot stand smoke and thus smokers are out. I can never bear going out with someone reeking of smoke the whole day.

Some people will say to give a try, because who knows he may stop his habit for me? But to choose between someone who has never smoked and never going to smoke and someone who has smoked and willing to kick the habit, I rather choose the former. Afterall, it is better to start on a clean slate.

Yes, he may kick his habit, but who is to say he will not go back to his habit? Most smokers never break the habit because once they start, they will never stop. They may stop for a while, but after that may go back again. So smokers, drug addicts, gamblers and alcoholics are out. All these are habits which I will not condone in a partner. However, if he is an ex-convict and starting life anew, I may still consider if he has none of the above.

So am I really being arrogant by rejecting him? Anyway it was not really a dramatic rejection not like some guys I have come across who never understand the meaning of "no". I kept turning down his invitation for movie and meals until in the end he stopped contacting me altogether.

I am not saying that smokers are necessarily all bad people. In fact, they can be very nice in character. But if a person smokes, he is showing inconsideration to everyone around him as well. Thus, I believe I am entitled to choose who I want to hang out with if it is an issue of personal health.

A humble person will not think this way, I believe. Humble people are normally more simple in character, and will accept whoever they meet as long as they have feelings for the person. So even if the partner smokes or drinks or gambles, they will accept everything. In this way, I admit I am not humble enough. At times I think in a way, I am arrogant, because if love means accepting the person as a whole, why do I let things like smoking, gambling and drinking come in between a relationship if we can get along?

If he smokes he will end up smelling like a chimney and this is something I can never live with. If he drinks and becomes a drunkard all the time, it is hazardous to his own physical and mental health, and he may just turn violent. If he gambles, then all our household expenses will be gone when the money can be used for other more useful things. So perhaps I am a little arrogant in this respect.

Science Versus Religion

I have been reading the Bible more often lately. Those Christians who are more staunch always tell others to go read the Bible, to go pray, whenever there is any problem, but sometimes I feel prayer does not really help, especially when I need concrete answers.

Perhaps that is where science comes in. Whatever that is religious is known to be gospel truths, but whatever theories proven by scientists of old are fundamental truths (of sorts). To most people who have no religion whatsoever, they will believe in science since that is where the answers to a lot of things are.

For instance, it is stated that God created man and woman. Children are God's gift to the couple, and whatever we are were moulded by God in His image. However, book learning teaches otherwise.

We were evolved from apes (in that case, why are the apes not evolving now? Can we then technically be considered a planet of the apes?). Under Darwin's Theory of Evolution, living things evolve in order to suit their environment and prevent extinction. Thus, most living things can be traced to common ancestors.

Humans and monkeys probably come from the same ancestors, just like dogs, foxes and wolves. Cats, tigers and leopards. Come to think of it, lizards are probably the new evolution from the ancient dinosaurs.

In that case, does it relate to science or religion? Were we conceived due to God's Will or were we conceived due to the simple process of fertilisation? So for women who have difficulty in conceiving, does it mean to say it is God that make it so?

I am not trying to blaspheme, but science and religion are very contradictory. Of course I do not go around preaching the Bible at anyone, but for those Christians who do, they often get doors slammed in their faces for trying to impose "nonsense" on non-believers.

But since days of old, science and religion had always been at war. That was why Galileo was put under house arrest for a large part of his life, simply because he was trying to explain Corpernicus' theory that the Sun is the centre of the Universe, and the Moon and Earth and other planets revolve around the Sun. Church elders in his time considered that a sacrilege and going against religious teachings, hence got him grounded.

Dan Brown's Angels And Demons also states the war between science and religion, and people who constantly fought against the Catholic churches were those very established people of science, like (supposedly) Galileo and Newton.

But comes the crux. Where did Science originate from anyway? How did science exist in the first place? Religion is when there is a God, or rather, people believe that there is a God. Religious wise, everything we see are God's creations. But what about Science? Who came out with the first scientific theory? Scientifically speaking, everything we see around us is matter.

For all anyone knows, believers would attribute knowledge and the origin of science to God as well. Thus, religion could well be the root of everything. I am not preaching anything here, but there have been many things which even science has never been able to explain, yet prayers have been known to achieve miracles.

Maybe just by being faithful and believing that all things are possible is already a hybrid of scientific and religious thinking. Perhaps faith is the bottom of everything. And this story I came across sums it up very well.

An atheist professor of philosophy speaks to his class on the problem science has with God, The Almighty. He asks one of his new students to stand and.....

Prof: So you believe in God?
Student: Absolutely, sir.
Prof: Is God good?
Student: Sure.

Prof: Is God all-powerful?
Student: Yes.
Prof: My brother died of cancer even though he prayed to God to heal him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But God didn't. How is this God good then? Hmm?
(Student is silent.)

Prof: You can't answer, can you? Let's start again, young fellow. Is God good?
Student: Yes.
Prof: Is Satan good?
Student: No.

Prof: Where does Satan come from?
Student: From...God...
Prof: That's right. Tell me son, is there evil in this world?
Student: Yes.

Prof: Evil is everywhere, isn't it? And God did make everything. Correct?
Student: Yes.
Prof: So who created evil?
Student does not answer.

Prof: Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things exist in the world, don't they?
Student: Yes, sir.
Prof: So, who created them?
Student has no answer.

Prof: Science says you have 5 senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Tell me, son...Have you ever seen God?
Student: No, sir.
Prof: Tell us if you have ever heard your God?
Student: No, sir.

Prof: Have you ever felt your God, tasted your God, smelt your God? Have you ever had any sensory perception of God for that matter?
Student: No, sir. I'm afraid I haven't.
Prof: Yet you still believe in Him?
Student: Yes.

Prof: According to empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says your GOD doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son?
Student: Nothing. I only have my faith.
Prof: Yes. Faith. And that is the problem science has.

Student: Professor, is there such a thing as heat?
Prof: Yes.
Student: And is there such a thing as cold?
Prof: Yes.
Student: No sir. There isn't.
(The lecture theatre becomes very quiet with this turn of events.)

Student: Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more heat, superheat, mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat. But we don't have anything called cold. We can hit 458 degrees below zero which is no heat, but we can't go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold. Cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it.
(There is pin-drop silence in the lecture theatre.)

Student: What about darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as darkness?
Prof: Yes. What is night if there isn't darkness?
Student: You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light....But if you have no light constantly, you have nothing and it's called darkness, isn't it? In reality, darkness isn't. If it were you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn't you?

Prof: So what is the point you are making, young man?
Student: Sir, my point is your philosophical premise is flawed.
Prof: Flawed? Can you explain how?

Student: Sir, you are working on the premise of duality. You argue there is life and then there is death, a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, science can't even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life: just the absence of it. Now tell me, Professor. Do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?

Prof: If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, yes, of course, I do.
Student: Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?
(The Professor shakes his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the argument is going.)
Student: Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you not a scientist but a preacher?
(The class is in uproar.)

Student: Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the Professor's brain?
(The class breaks out into laughter.)
Student: Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor's brain, felt it, touched or smelt it? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable, demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no brain, sir. With all due respect, sir, how do we then trust your lectures, sir?
(The room is silent. The professor stares at the student, his face unfathomable.)

Prof: I guess you'll have to take them on faith, son.
Student: That is it sir... The link between man & God is FAITH. That is all that keeps things moving & alive.

Season Of Giving ....

Lately there have been more and more charity organisations coming up. Seems like volunteerism is becoming a bigger thing, which is good! More and more people are being aware of the lesser priviledged, and giving in terms of time or money.

Giving means more to me this period of time since it is Christmas, and once someone gets into a Christmas mood, it is all beautiful and warm. But of course, giving is not just during that once a year Christmas; rather it is to give everyday and beyond in whatever ways one can contribute.

Thus, here are a few organisations I checked out, mostly to do with children and animals or humanitarian. Let's make a difference in people's lives by doing our best to give!

1. Worldvision Singapore - to sponsor a child from the countries listed

2. Village Exchange - for fair trade

3. The Riverkids Shop - an online shop where the proceeds will go to stop child trafficking

4. Raleigh Society - an international organisation focusing on humanitarian efforts for victims of natural disasters

5. Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals - as stated

6. Noah's Ark Lodge - to sponsor an animal as part of fund raising to aid in food, care and veterinarian expenses

7. Mainly I Love Kids (MILK) - for disadvantaged kids and youths

8. Make A Wish Foundation - helping to make kids' wishes come true!

Also, to volunteer for any organisations, check out the National Voluntary and Philanthropy Centre. There are many people who need help and many places to go to help!

Chicken And Duck Talk

I am not referring to the Hong Kong comedy starring the Hui brothers. Rather, I am trying to figure out just exactly how to communicate with an old lady, someone who is a few years shy of being a centenerian.

It is not like we are speaking different languages, she understands Mandarin perfectly well, and I do not think my pronunciation is that off pitch even though I am not that comfortable speaking the language. Yet, why does it feel like we are speaking gibberish to each other?

How to get her to understand that :

1. Going to the bathroom in the middle of a television show or disc does not mean we no longer want to watch, thus it does not require her to specially stand up, walk a few steps to the television and switch the whole thing off.

2. Switching on the light at night while going to the bathroom will not make much of a difference to our electricity bill. Rather, if she gropes around in darkness and falls down and injures herself, we will need to incur more medical bills, not to mention our stress and worry about her medical treatment.

3. We are grown-ups who know how to settle our own meals. Coming home after dinner does not mean we do not eat anything at all, so please stop asking us to eat something the moment we reach home, or grumble about why we never eat anything at all and starving ourselves, just because we do not take meals at home.

4. A dory, fillet and salmon is still a fish. Just because they are not shaped like a typical fish (like pomfret or garoupa) does not mean they are not fish. We are having fish (steamed, baked, pan-fried, fried) at every meal because without any fish she rather go without meals, so just eat up and be happy, instead of grumbling about how we are starving her.

5. Dogs have different breeds. Just because the current dog now is a toy breed, so more tame and quiet, does not mean he is totally useless and will not bark at any strangers. Our previous dog belongs to a hunting breed, and of a wilder nature, so was noisier and barked more at just about anything.

6. We will sleep when we feel tired or sleepy. Nothing will happen to us even if we are still up at 1:00am, so please stop coming out of her room, going up the stairs and nagging us to sleep! We will be more worried if she falls down the stairs or knocks into something!

7. Just because the maid wears the old clothes we give her, it does not mean she steals from us. Just because she washes some garment and then keeps in her room does not mean she takes anything from us. So please do not keep asking us to make a police report and get the maid arrested.

I do not mean to be disrespectful, and I know she is old and a bit senile maybe, but still, if this goes on everyday, we will soon be driven crazy!

"GIve Us This Day Our Daily Bread"

I have been a member of RBC Ministries Asia for almost a decade now. It is a not-for-profit Christian organisation that publishes the daily devotional book "Our Daily Bread" (published every three months), with some other spiritual books like the "Discovery Series" and once-in-a-while newsletters.

I first came across "Our Daily Bread" many years ago when an ex-friend brought me to a Christian church, and shoved the booklet into my hands. At that moment in time, I was just learning about Christianity and the Bible, and that little booklet came in handy.

When I started attending a Catholic church, the church does not have any Our Daily Bread booklets, so I signed up as a member of RBC Ministries and started having the booklet delivered to my home. Since I signed up as a member, I ordered extras as well so I could give to my best friend and my second ex.

I have not read that booklet for a very long time. In fact, as and when I felt lost and wanted to pray, I would just pray, refer to the Bible and that is it. The booklet has been continuously delivered to my home every three months without fail, but I have not read a single article in there since goodness-know-when.

It is not a good sign I know, as it probably shows my lack of faith and not putting God first in my life. But I guess as people get older, with more things to worry about, certain things just take a back seat, although it is no excuse not to devote myself daily to God.

Now, half a year after my baptism and confirmation, I started reading Our Daily Bread again. I did not quite understand the true meaning behind the little booklet when I was younger, but now I know why it is so-called. The articles are heart-warming and inspirational, and the daily devotional articles light up my day.

I discovered more spiritually, and realise that I am not alone in a lot of aspects. Those articles are true articles, focused on different people and different aspects of life, but all reflect normal people and how they discovered themselves and become stronger in their faith.

"Give Us This Day Our Daily Bread" indeed, because without my daily bread, I will not be able to get through the rest of the day feeling a bit more perked up. Of course being happy or not is all in one's mind, but without touching spiritual articles, it would not have motivated me to move on.

Now with Christmas around the corner, I need to reflect the true meaning behind the season and become a better Christian, like what I have pledged during my baptism and confirmation.

Does Our Local Society Breed Elitism?

Some time ago, there was a student blogger who was criticised due to a remark made to a man who was complaining about the facts of working life and job-hunting. Her remarks were seen as too insensitive, and she was slammed as being too "superior in her own upper class and looking down on those who are of a 'lower' status" (not the exact words, but the gist is there).

This student is from one of the top schools, with impeccable results and from an upper-class family. Perhaps that is the reason why she made those remarks, because for people who have lead comfortable lives all along, they may not be able to understand the struggles faced by those who are not of that status.

But this got me thinking : since young, our parents drilled into us to have the best results, to attend the best schools, to get the best scholarships, just so we can carve a good future for ourselves. There have been parents telling their children since young that the only way for them to be successful and rich is to go to the best school. Those who did not achieve that kind of results to warrant a place in an elite school will be scolded and insulted by the parents and relatives.

Perhaps because of this, students grow up with the mentality that only by attending the best schools can they achieve something. Thus, those who did manage to go to the better schools will always be proud and arrogant, and those who never made it will always feel lousy about themselves. Maybe that is why people then grow up thinking that being elite is all that matters, and all those that are not of the same class are not worth it.

Plus the fact that the elite schools here are all independent or autonomous that charge exorbitant monthly school fees, so only the more well-off and established families are able to send their children there. There are times when the student may be a few points off, but because the parents contributed a lot to the school, or they have some place in society, so the child got accepted into the school, and mingle around with the other rich and famous kids. Just like some of those more snooty private schools overseas.

Of course, every parent want the best for the child. And it is a fact everywhere (be it Singapore or Australia or even the United States), that private schools have the results to show, as compared to public or government neighbourhood schools.

Private school students belong mostly to the upper or middle class, take in students who are already smart, with parents who are already established, thus those who attend private or mission schools have a better-rounded education that push the students to achieve not just excellent results, but develop their leadership, sports and musical abilities, and inculcate culture and etiquette in the students. Only a minority of students who attend private schools come from very humble backgrounds, and these kids are usually ostracised by their richer classmates.

Public or government neighbourhood schools, on the other hand, take in students from all walks of life. Majority of the students come from very humble backgrounds, with working-class parents who care more for bread and butter issues and the survival of the family, rather than giving the child a better education. Some of the parents are not even able to afford school fees, and are themselves illiterate. Thus, the students there may not achieve the type of results as compared to private schools.

I am not saying that everyone from neighbourhood schools are not good. There are top scorers and scholars from neighbourhood schools who come from very humble backgrounds as well. All I am saying is that the percentage of top scorers, scholarship holders and students who manage to have good enough results to enter the better schools later on from the neighbourhood schools are fewer as compared to those from the private schools.

Maybe this is why those who manage to go to the top schools turn down their noses at those who did n0t manage to go in. Society is such that it breeds elitism without realising it. I guess it is to do with our local upbringing and the pressures from society, that always emphasises on results, doing well in examinations and having a good future, rather than values and character building. I seriously wonder how the country will be run next time if this continues.

Of Adoption ....

My cousin said that the Children's Home is having a fostering program, and asked if I would be interested. My church is affiliated with a certain Children's Home that is also having a fostering program, and asking around for surrogate parents. Strangely, my counsellor once suggested I should adopt a kid to fill this void in my life.

Now, why is everyone asking me to take care of a kid to fill up my void in life and make myself more cheerful? If there are things I am still depressed about, then nothing can ever be a replacement or make me more cheerful, no matter what I do.

I am not saying that I am not willing to take care of a kid. I always want my own kid, two, three, five even. If circumstances are different, I would have my own kid(s) by this time. And whether by having kids or adopting them, raising children is still a wonderful thing.

I will not rule out adoption. In fact, I think adoption is better from another aspect, because adoption is giving the kid a better life, letting him / her know that there are people who are willing to love him / her and take care of him / her for life. And there are so many poor kids in the world who are badly in need of a better environment to grow up in.

But adoption and having kids per se is a very huge responsibility. There is no return policy. One cannot just adopt and then later on say have no time or resources and give the kid up, just like one cannot just get pregnant, give birth and then chuck the kid aside. That is so irresponsible!

Likewise, one cannot adopt a kid and then treat him / her like a slave, or subject him / her to beatings and abuse anytime one likes. It just does not work this way. If one is to adopt a kid, then one has to treat him / her as one's very own child, and give him / her the love, attention, commitment and devotion as how one would give to one's own child.

My parents once told me that if I am to be single, and want to have a kid, they much rather I adopt one than give birth to one out of wedlock. I fail to see what difference does that make. Giving birth will be my own child, likewise adoption will also be my own child. So why is it I can adopt a kid that has been abandoned by someone else, yet cannot give birth to my own one?

Yes, I want to have kids of my own, be it through natural or adoption. So why am I hesitating? Perhaps because I am still not that emotionally prepared to accept a kid in the family. If I am to have a child, then I have to make sure I can be fully prepared to accept the child, physically, emotionally and mentally.

Because the child deserves the fullest and best attention and care. Anything less will be unfair to the child. And I also have to ensure he / she is accepted by my family and treated as part of the family and my guy, although he has said if I am to adopt a child, he will not mind and will accept.

And if I am to get married, whoever my spouse is next time, he will have to accept that I have a child and be fully prepared to treat the child as his own, and lavish the child all the care and attention like how a father dotes on his own child.

There will be no excuse on accepting me but not the child, because I am not going to give up the child. And there will also be no unfair treatment even if we have our own children next time. The child I adopt will never be treated as an outcast no matter what happens.

Which is why I am still hesitating, because this is a big responsibility. It concerns someone's life, well-being and future. It is not shopping for clothes or shoes that once wear out, they can be chucked aside. This is a life-long commitment, just like having a pet.

And it will be more fair to the kid not to adopt him / her if one cannot bear the full responsibility and commitment and give the kid the very best in life, rather than adopt him / her only to chuck aside and neglect after a while.

Communication And Mutual Understanding

It has been a long long week. Being "head" of the household is not as good as what others may think. There are a lot more decisions and responsibilities. Just like on Sunday, when my relatives brought me and my grandmother out for lunch, I had to ensure that she was ready before they picked us up, had enough to eat and that she was full.

Luckily our maid is very capable. She is able to carry out her duties efficiently, thus I need not have additional stress on looking out for her. Meals are always on time and there is always enough to eat.

Besides all these, I met up with a friend a few days back, and the things we talked about made me reflect on certain issues. Certain things I always believed in, yet with society changing the way it is and humans getting smarter and more outspoken, a lot of things have changed.

Nowadays, it is no longer true that people stay together for life. How many people actually honour their marriage vows? Maybe I am still traditional, or an idealistic die-hard romantic, but to me, I only want to get married once and stay married to the same guy for life.

I see how people are splitting up, and at times I get really disillusioned because even the most "perfect" couples split up. People can talk about fidelity and all, but when things turn sour, every little thing will trigger off frustrations and arguments. It is only human nature to look for another soulmate when trouble brews up at home all the time. Perhaps that is why so many people nowadays (males and females) are having affairs.

Why would things turn sour in the first place? Is it because they do not love each other anymore? Then why would the love die? Is it because they start taking each other for granted? And why would people start taking each other for granted? Is it because of a lack of understanding? Then why get married in the first place if the couple does not understand each other?

Is it because people go into a relationship expecting the other party to give to them, and they themselves only take? But should a relationship not be giving and taking? And besides, if you really love someone, should you be so calculative as to measure how much you have given and how much the other person has taken? Just like my favourite quote above from the great guru Robbins.

My friends all told me when they get married, they also told themselves they only wanted to get married once. I guess nobody gets married only to divorce later on. But what makes a marriage last, for ten years, twenty, thirty years even? The friend I met told me now he understands why more and more people chose to cohabit before marriage instead. Because only by living with someone then one can truly observe and see if you can create a future together. Otherwise, it will be a great shock after marriage.

I still do not believe in cohabitation. I always thought I will live with someone only after getting married, and marriage has to be worked out by both parties. But what if after getting married, it turns out that my partner's lifestyle is not really the type I want? Afterall, one never knows until one really live together.

It is really difficult to understand someone. I believe at times one wakes up and wonder just exactly who is the person lying next to you. How well do you know the person who shares your bed, your life, who stays in the same house, who raises a family with you?

I always thought getting married is the next step once a relationship stabilises and you know a person well enough to carve a future together. Yet I have people telling me that living with someone and during courtship is totally different. Everything is sweet when you do not need to live with each other, but once both are under the same roof, lots of pecuiliarities start appearing, and it is up to each other whether they can tolerate.

My friend told me the first few weeks of her marriage she chased her husband out of the room as she could not stand him snoring next to her. My cousin told me that her husband can do very idiotic things at times, and this from a lady whose guy is so devoted and love her so much. Another friend said after marriage she and her husband quarrelled over which side of the bed to sleep and who to take the blanket more.

Maybe I am idealistic, but to me I feel that if one is to live with someone, especially for two different people of different lifestyles and upbringing, should there not be accommodation and compromise? Afterall, it is no longer one person's life but two people. Should they allow petty and trivial domestic arguments to spoil a relationship, especially since it is already getting so hard to find the right person?

But how would you know he / she is the right person? People who got married view the partner as the right one, but years down the road, they split up. Counsellors and experienced couples all say there must be communication and understanding, but how to communicate if you want to talk but the other person does not?

How to understand a person if the other person does not want to open up and share his / her feelings and thoughts, and instead chose to be grumpy and frustrated and keep everything to him / herself?

To guys, they view that if they are to tell someone something, or share their problems, the person must be able to solve it for them, otherwise no point telling. But as a couple, are they not supposed to share everything, burdens and problems? But to guys, they think if the partner is not able to help them, they rather keep everything to themselves. But if they do not open up, how would they expect the partner to know how they think and what they want? Misunderstandings occur because people choose not to speak up.

Besides, it is not a matter of whether problems can be solved. It is more a matter of trust. To me, I will want my guy to tell me everything, his problems, his burdens, how he feels. Even if I am not able to help him, at least I feel good that he trusts me enough to confide in me, because that is how I feel couples should be.

Maybe because I am a female, or maybe because I live more on my emotions, but I tell my loved one everything. To some guys, they feel that if you tell them things, they will try to analyse and give a thousand and one ways to solve the problem. But to me (and several of my girl friends), I do not need the guy to tell me what to do. All I need is a listening ear. Because I trust him more than anyone else, which is why I confide in him in the first place.

I guess for females, they just need to let out steam and have a listening ear. For males, their minds work more than their hearts, which is probably why they feel if there is a problem, they will try to brainstorm and solve it, but to females, this analytical process may be worse as all they need is someone who can listen and not someone who tell them what to do.

I really wonder how people manage to stay together. Our government is worried about the increasing divorce rate, but the fact is marriage itself is not a bed of roses. It is not like a fairytale where boy meets girl, they fall in love and live happily ever after.

Feelings develop over time. It is not like you fall for this person instantly (although that is possible but the love still has to be nurtured by both), yet the feelings can die off instantly. And nowadays to many people, instead of staying in a loveless marriage, they rather stop wasting their time and move on with their lives.

Finding A Notebook ....

I have been trying to find a notebook for quite some time. However, I cannot make up my mind which one to get. Or maybe because my expectations are unrealistic. The type of notebook I want has to be light, with a small screen (preferably twelve inch or less), internal modem with wireless broadband so I need not fix anything externally, USB port, CD/DVD Player and reader, Windows XP Professional and lots of memory space.

In other words, I want something that is easily portable, and I can surf the net, chat, blog, email, write articles, do spreadsheets, watch movies, listen to music, upload photos, play games, bring overseas, quick download and upload time and with a space big enough to store all the big music, movie and game files. All in one, without needing to fix any external drives or accessories. Asking for the sky right?

So far, all the laptops I have come across seem impressive, but since I am not a computer person, I am not sure if there is any requirements or specifications that do not meet. These are the few laptops I have shortlisted :

1. Dell M1210

2. Dell Latitude D420

3. Sony VAIO C (the pink or white one)

4. Toshiba Portege M300

5. Toshiba Portege R200

6. Apple MacBook (the white one)

7. Acer Ferrari 1000

8. Compaq Presario B1914(TU)

9. HP Compaq nc2400 Business (RA724PA)

10. Fujitsu LifeBook P7210

11. Fujitsu LifeBook P1610

12. Fujitsu LifeBook P1510

13. IBM ThinkPad X60

Cost is a factor as well. It seems like the smaller the laptop is, the more expensive it is. However, if I find one that fits all my specifications, then I will get it, irregardless of the cost! Hopefully I can make the SITEX exhibition to check out the products available!

More Than A Fashion Magazine ....

My family has gone for a vacation in New York City, Niagara Falls, Washington D.C., Philadelphia and Massachetts, where they will visit my first brother in Nanjing on their way back. So I have the house to myself for the next two weeks or so. I can catch up on all the reading and newest issues of magazines!

CLEO is my favourite magazine of all time. It is more than just another beauty and fashion magazine, some of the issues talk about serious issues like helping the environment, volunteering for more charitable events, and even life issues like how to stop abuse from self and others. It even has its own blog!

I can relate to most of the articles. For instance, in one of the past issues, there was an article on how to not let others get one down (or something like that). That article is about how being verbally abused can create a trauma to the victim and cause the victim to stop believing in herself.

I can so relate to that! To think of the things I had to put up with in the past! Up to now, I can still never understand how come a guy can physically, mentally and verbally abuse a girl he claimed he loved and made her feel so low about herself, ruining her self-image and confidence in the process. And in certain cases, this damage may be permanent.

That particular article gave tips on how not to be a pushover but rather stand up for one's rights. Do not just keep quiet when someone bullies you but fight back. Which makes me wonder, fight back in what sense? At times when I do have the courage, I have no qualms telling off strangers on the streets when I see something undesirable. Yet when it comes to people I know and love, I just chose to ignore and tolerate. Shall I talk back then?

There is also an interesting article in the current issue, about Urban Etiquette. The article tells people how to behave on public transport, walking up and down the escalator, in restaurants, elevators, in the office, at the movies and when giving a party. I find the tips so true! It really addresses the aspects I find irritating about some people's behaviours.

Some of the pointers are :

1. When taking the train, do not lean one's body against the pole as if you have no backbone.

2. Guys, please close up! You do not need to open your legs so wide until they touch another person's thighs! (YES!!! I have enough of thigh-rubbing in public transports! Some guys sit with their legs so wide open as if they had a massive erection or something.)

3. Do not squat around the train doors until those coming in had to climb over your entire body. (Very true! Why must people choose to behave like squatters instead?)

4. Let people go out first before coming in. (Again, this cannot be re-emphasised.)

5. Move to the back of the bus so others can board. If you are getting off at the next stop and find it troublesome to move in a crowded bus, then kindly ask the next person to move behind, instead of blocking everyone's way by standing around the exit doors.

6. If you are not moving, keep to the left of the escalator. The right of the escalator is for those who are rushing and need to move quickly.

7. When ordering food in a restaurant, just signal to get the waiter's attention. Do not need to fling your arms so wildly. Worse is if it is a lady wearing a sleeveless top and her armpits are not shaved.

8. Tipping is not mandatory since we pay service charge. However, if you are really impressed with a waiter, put a small amount as a tip into an envelope or napkin and give it to the particular waiter on the way out in front of the manager (so that he will know the tip is exclusively for the waiter). Remember to put a note of thanks. Tip an amount that the person will not feel insulted upon receiving it. (In other words, no one-cent or ten-cent coins. Maybe a dollar will suffice.)

9. Do not squeeze into a crowded elevator when the doors are closing. No one need smell your hair or scent.

10. Do not talk to your colleague or friend at the top of your voice over another person's head if the elevator is crowded. No one need to listen in on your conversations.

11. Do not moan about your boss over email. If one really need to let off steam after a very unfair treatment, do it via online chatting.

12. When being invited to a party, do not come in late and then need to go off after just half an hour or so. That is being rude and disrespectful to the host.

13. At the movies, do not raise your legs up on the seat. There is enough leg room even for long legs, no matter how small the space is.

14. Do not make out with your partner while watching a show. (YES again!)

These are really very good pointers. There are some more of course, but these are the ones which I have encountered and feel irritated about. I read other magazines like Her World and Female, but I find the articles there cater more to older women (like those in their thirties and above). Cleo not only has good articles, but good fashion and makeup tips, and where to buy the most affordable products! Those in the other magazines are a bit pricey.

My mum always frown upon me reading what she calls "trash". But Cleo is not "trash". The sad thing is that the editor once remarked they would like to put in more features like the poor girls being forced into prostitution by their own parents (I always wonder how parents can do a thing like that to their own kids), and the "ugly" side of the world, but apparently when these articles appear, somehow the readership for that issue dropped.

Why is that so? Do people only want to live in their own shells and not be aware of what is going on? My mum always tell me why not read something more "intelligent". But I do read magazines like TIME, National Geographic, Readers' Digest (because we subscribe to them), and have recently subscribed to Newsweek and The Economist as well.

But with Cleo, I find it more "at home". The team is made up of real people who also complain about their jobs and colleagues, who have ups and downs just like any of us. It is Cleo that makes me more aware of where to go locally if I want to volunteer my services in helping to save the environment or making kids wishes come true.

And it is also Cleo that makes me more aware of just how many people in the world are suffering from AIDS. Hence, this festive season, a time for love and giving, let us all give support to the AIDS victims in this World Aids Day. Mistakes made can be forgiven, but at least let these people know they are not alone and there are people who do not ostracise them.