Love On A Rebound?

Love itself is a mystery. One can never know just how to handle when love strikes. There are those lucky ones who never fall in love until the right one comes along, and then they stay together for life. I always admire these people, because they are really willing and committed to make the relationship last.

There are those who fall in love, then not willing to brave through the little problems that come with it, and run away at the first opportunity. Are these people cowards? Or just not committed enough? Or worse, shallow and narrow-minded who only go for the surface and will run after another better one at the next moment?

When love ends, one party may be more hurt, or perhaps both parties will be hurt. But whoever that does the dumping will never be as hurt as the one being dumped. In many cases I have come across, the one being dumped often gets into a bigger mess, while the one doing the dumping can go on like as before.

It is commendable in a way for a person to move on, although where his / her ex is concerned, this person is being "heartless" by ditching him / her and then take it like nothing happened. The ex will then wonder just how much he / she was loved, and whether the dumper ever feels upset or uneasy at the break up.

I have friends who took a short while to recover, moving on with someone new within a few months. There are those who never really recover, and even after they did manage to find someone new, their feelings for the ex never really died. Then there are those who never did get over the ex and stayed single.

The thing is, when a relationship ends, is there a time limit to finding someone new and hopefully better? Even after moving on, how would one know if he / she has totally gotten over the ex? In many instances, one will think he / she has gotten over, but years down the road, even after getting attached or married to someone else, the ex may suddenly pop up in his / her mind. Does this mean he / she has never really gotten over the past?

If it is so easy to forget the past, there will not be so many heartaches and misery in the world. The worst case is love on a rebound. There are people who got attached to another person within weeks after breaking up. Is it possible to get over a person so fast, or is the new person just a lifeline to get out of misery?

When I got together with my second ex, my parents and best friend thought it was a rebound, especially since my best friend knew how messed up I was after the end of my first relationship. But it was my first love, so definitely I would be messed up, especially after the way he treated me, which left me scars up to now.

But it was not a rebound, that I know. We already knew each other for a year or so, hung out quite often especially since I always needed help in my work, and for a while, he liked my classmate so I tried to help bring them together. But she did not accept him, as that time he was rather big-size and she preferred someone skinny. So each time he asked her out, she always wanted me to go along.

One day, she cancelled a date at the last minute, so he and I ended up spending the day with each other. That was when I realised that we had so much in common, first time I know someone who complemented me in almost every aspect, liked the things I liked, think the way I think. It was just so perfect, and if life is perfect as well, we would still be together, probably married already.

Maybe that is why I took much longer to get over him, maybe that is why I still feel bitter and hurt over his sudden dsappearance after six years together, and maybe that is why if I can be idealistic, I would want someone just like him (minus the temper, ego and stubborness) to share my life with. But as I said, life is not perfect, which is why I am grateful for who I have now, since he treats me well and I am happy with him. Afterall, it had been so hard to find someone who truly treats me well.

Come to think of it, I feel very sorry for my third ex. Maybe I was still not that sure of my feelings when we started. Maybe it was because to a certain extent, he reminded me a little of my second ex, which was why I accepted him when he asked. But the similarities ended fast. Being together with a person and being just mere friends are totally different.

And I admit, on more than one occasion, I held his hand, thinking of my second ex. There was even once when he kissed me and I imagined it was the previous guy. The things he did, what he said, somehow I drew a comparison between the two guys. I felt really really bad afterwards. I would not say I totally did not love him, but maybe my love for him was not as strong as how I felt for the previous guy. Which is probably why when we split, somehow it was more of a relief for me than anything else.

My friends also commented I did not appear as upset when I split with my third ex, as compared to the previous time when they were so worried I might do something silly. Even now, when I heard he was getting married, I cried the day I heard the news. And now when he is finally married, I cried the night before his wedding.

Was I taking my third ex as rebound then? Honestly speaking, I am not sure myself. Perhaps I was, or perhaps I felt that somehow with him, I never did get the sense of happiness and security as I had when I was with my second ex. I know it is not fair to compare, but being humans, we do tend to compare who is better. Even parents compare their own children, let alone others. Afterall, if one already had the best, why would anyone settle for second best?

But after my third relationship, I learnt a huge lesson. That is never to enter into a relationship unless I am absolutely sure I love the person wholeheartedly. It is the most unfair to take someone as a rebound. If one loves someone else, he / she will accept the person as a whole, accept everything of the person, and n0t let trivial things get in the way. I admit there are a lot of things I could not tolerate about my third ex, perhaps because I never loved him enough?

Now with my current relationship, I know for sure I love him. Because he triggered in me feelings which I never experienced when I was with my third ex. These feelings gave me a sense of deja vu, as the only other time I really experienced feelings like these was years ago when my second ex and I first got together.

With my current guy, I can accept anything he does (not that he is doing anything bad in the first place). I can accept when he has no time to meet me, or having mood swings. These are things which I could tolerate about my second ex, yet could never do so with my third ex.

So why is it I treat my current guy better and am more tolerant? I have no answer to that. My third ex will be totally pissed if he ever finds out, but that is just something without an answer. One can only say that if you love someone truly, you can accommodate anything. But if you do not really love a person, then there are many things which you are not able to compromise.