Christmas is supposed to be a time of love. Which makes me reflect on the exact meaning of love. Just like in the show "Love Actually", there are all kinds of love. Love between family members, husband and wife, friends, co-workers.
Family members give one a heart-warming feeling. Perhaps it is shown more in the Western world, where they express their love more freely through hugs and kisses. For Asians (Chinese especially), the only way they show love is to be ovely critical. The more they love you, the more critical they will be. Which makes me wonder just exactly how that is love.
But love itself is never fair. Just because someone shows affection through actions does not mean another person will be the same. Thus love should not be judged through mere words or actions.
There are many cases where a very loving couple split up. And it is surprising because they always hug or kiss each other, show their affections, yet still split up. And then there are those who never even hold hands or show how close they are, but yet they are the ones who stay together.
Maybe it all depends on how love is viewed by others. Perhaps to a guy, he may not think it is necessary to tell or show how he loves his woman, because it is all in the heart. But to some girls, they want reassurance, so they will like the guy to tell her he loves her and show her how much she means to him, rather than just blow hot and cold treatment and neglect her sometimes.
As it is, love is never fair, especially for unrequited love. Just because Guy A loves Girl A but she loves Guy B who loves Girl B, it does not mean Girl A should then accept Guy A. If Girl A still loves Guy B, even though he is someone who can never be hers, it is simply not right to love someone else as a replacement just because he loves her. And she cannot expect the guy she loves to accept her just because she loves him.
I have experienced it myself. I do not love someone just because that person says he loves me, if I have absolutely no feeling for him. Similarly, I do not expect someone to love me just because I like him so much, if he has no feeling for me.
Love does not work that way. Which is why unrequited love is the hardest to bear, because if everything is just a one-sided affair, the lover will be the one going through emotional turmoil only to have the other party playing along with his / her feelings.
Similarly, in a relationship, nothing is fair. Of course if both parties put in 100%, it will be perfect, but then life is never perfect. Often than not, it is one party putting in more effort to maintain the relationship, and the other party not really bothering much.
The question then is : if the girl is putting in all the effort in a relationship and trying to do so much to maintain, but the guy is unreceptive and being hot and cold, shall she opt out and just go for someone else, if she still loves the guy? Similarly for a guy, if he is doing everything he can to make the girl happy but she is totally unreceptive and taking him for granted, shall he then give up and go for someone else if he still loves her?
I think guys will find it easier to give up, because many girls I know are suckers for love after all, especially die-hard romantics like me. They will rather stay in a relatively unhappy relationship if they still have feelings for the guy and hoping that he will change his attitude one day, rather than to opt out and cause more heartache for herself.
The guy is treating the girl unfairly, but when it comes to love, nothing is fair. There are also guys who are willing to do whatever it takes to keep a girl, no matter how badly the girl treats him. Whatever one does for love is all worth it, no matter how one suffers or accommodates. Stupid as it sound to some people, but love is blind. So blind that it does not matter even if nothing is fair, even if one person ends up miserable and suffering.
Family members give one a heart-warming feeling. Perhaps it is shown more in the Western world, where they express their love more freely through hugs and kisses. For Asians (Chinese especially), the only way they show love is to be ovely critical. The more they love you, the more critical they will be. Which makes me wonder just exactly how that is love.
But love itself is never fair. Just because someone shows affection through actions does not mean another person will be the same. Thus love should not be judged through mere words or actions.
There are many cases where a very loving couple split up. And it is surprising because they always hug or kiss each other, show their affections, yet still split up. And then there are those who never even hold hands or show how close they are, but yet they are the ones who stay together.
Maybe it all depends on how love is viewed by others. Perhaps to a guy, he may not think it is necessary to tell or show how he loves his woman, because it is all in the heart. But to some girls, they want reassurance, so they will like the guy to tell her he loves her and show her how much she means to him, rather than just blow hot and cold treatment and neglect her sometimes.
As it is, love is never fair, especially for unrequited love. Just because Guy A loves Girl A but she loves Guy B who loves Girl B, it does not mean Girl A should then accept Guy A. If Girl A still loves Guy B, even though he is someone who can never be hers, it is simply not right to love someone else as a replacement just because he loves her. And she cannot expect the guy she loves to accept her just because she loves him.
I have experienced it myself. I do not love someone just because that person says he loves me, if I have absolutely no feeling for him. Similarly, I do not expect someone to love me just because I like him so much, if he has no feeling for me.
Love does not work that way. Which is why unrequited love is the hardest to bear, because if everything is just a one-sided affair, the lover will be the one going through emotional turmoil only to have the other party playing along with his / her feelings.
Similarly, in a relationship, nothing is fair. Of course if both parties put in 100%, it will be perfect, but then life is never perfect. Often than not, it is one party putting in more effort to maintain the relationship, and the other party not really bothering much.
The question then is : if the girl is putting in all the effort in a relationship and trying to do so much to maintain, but the guy is unreceptive and being hot and cold, shall she opt out and just go for someone else, if she still loves the guy? Similarly for a guy, if he is doing everything he can to make the girl happy but she is totally unreceptive and taking him for granted, shall he then give up and go for someone else if he still loves her?
I think guys will find it easier to give up, because many girls I know are suckers for love after all, especially die-hard romantics like me. They will rather stay in a relatively unhappy relationship if they still have feelings for the guy and hoping that he will change his attitude one day, rather than to opt out and cause more heartache for herself.
The guy is treating the girl unfairly, but when it comes to love, nothing is fair. There are also guys who are willing to do whatever it takes to keep a girl, no matter how badly the girl treats him. Whatever one does for love is all worth it, no matter how one suffers or accommodates. Stupid as it sound to some people, but love is blind. So blind that it does not matter even if nothing is fair, even if one person ends up miserable and suffering.
3 comments:
One of the best commentaries on love is in the Bible:
Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude.It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoicein wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things,hopes all things, endures all things. 8Love never ends. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8
Love can be unidirectional, or it may be bidirectional. However, for a relationship to work, it must flow both ways.
To answer your question: if the girl is putting in all the effort in a relationship and trying to do so much to maintain, but the guy is unreceptive and being hot and cold, shall she opt out and just go for someone else, if she still loves the guy?, I would say that yes, the girl should stop wasting her time. Whether she will ever find another is a different matter.
I love that chapter too. But as it is, not everyone believes in the same thing. Thus, love means different things to different people.
And there are people who want to hold on, despite what others may view as a waste of time, but perhaps to them, they feel that is dedication and commitment. Afterall, love is never easy, and being with someone is not a bed of roses all the time.
There is love and there is foolishness. If it does nto sustain, if it does not help grow, then it is not love.
There is another truism: If you love it, let it go. If it comes back, love it forever. If it never comes back it means you never had it. (or something like that).
But ... you are right, many people have many different views on love. I only know and understand my own - any other is just noise to me.
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