My cousin said that the Children's Home is having a fostering program, and asked if I would be interested. My church is affiliated with a certain Children's Home that is also having a fostering program, and asking around for surrogate parents. Strangely, my counsellor once suggested I should adopt a kid to fill this void in my life.
Now, why is everyone asking me to take care of a kid to fill up my void in life and make myself more cheerful? If there are things I am still depressed about, then nothing can ever be a replacement or make me more cheerful, no matter what I do.
I am not saying that I am not willing to take care of a kid. I always want my own kid, two, three, five even. If circumstances are different, I would have my own kid(s) by this time. And whether by having kids or adopting them, raising children is still a wonderful thing.
I will not rule out adoption. In fact, I think adoption is better from another aspect, because adoption is giving the kid a better life, letting him / her know that there are people who are willing to love him / her and take care of him / her for life. And there are so many poor kids in the world who are badly in need of a better environment to grow up in.
But adoption and having kids per se is a very huge responsibility. There is no return policy. One cannot just adopt and then later on say have no time or resources and give the kid up, just like one cannot just get pregnant, give birth and then chuck the kid aside. That is so irresponsible!
Likewise, one cannot adopt a kid and then treat him / her like a slave, or subject him / her to beatings and abuse anytime one likes. It just does not work this way. If one is to adopt a kid, then one has to treat him / her as one's very own child, and give him / her the love, attention, commitment and devotion as how one would give to one's own child.
My parents once told me that if I am to be single, and want to have a kid, they much rather I adopt one than give birth to one out of wedlock. I fail to see what difference does that make. Giving birth will be my own child, likewise adoption will also be my own child. So why is it I can adopt a kid that has been abandoned by someone else, yet cannot give birth to my own one?
Yes, I want to have kids of my own, be it through natural or adoption. So why am I hesitating? Perhaps because I am still not that emotionally prepared to accept a kid in the family. If I am to have a child, then I have to make sure I can be fully prepared to accept the child, physically, emotionally and mentally.
Because the child deserves the fullest and best attention and care. Anything less will be unfair to the child. And I also have to ensure he / she is accepted by my family and treated as part of the family and my guy, although he has said if I am to adopt a child, he will not mind and will accept.
And if I am to get married, whoever my spouse is next time, he will have to accept that I have a child and be fully prepared to treat the child as his own, and lavish the child all the care and attention like how a father dotes on his own child.
There will be no excuse on accepting me but not the child, because I am not going to give up the child. And there will also be no unfair treatment even if we have our own children next time. The child I adopt will never be treated as an outcast no matter what happens.
Which is why I am still hesitating, because this is a big responsibility. It concerns someone's life, well-being and future. It is not shopping for clothes or shoes that once wear out, they can be chucked aside. This is a life-long commitment, just like having a pet.
And it will be more fair to the kid not to adopt him / her if one cannot bear the full responsibility and commitment and give the kid the very best in life, rather than adopt him / her only to chuck aside and neglect after a while.
Now, why is everyone asking me to take care of a kid to fill up my void in life and make myself more cheerful? If there are things I am still depressed about, then nothing can ever be a replacement or make me more cheerful, no matter what I do.
I am not saying that I am not willing to take care of a kid. I always want my own kid, two, three, five even. If circumstances are different, I would have my own kid(s) by this time. And whether by having kids or adopting them, raising children is still a wonderful thing.
I will not rule out adoption. In fact, I think adoption is better from another aspect, because adoption is giving the kid a better life, letting him / her know that there are people who are willing to love him / her and take care of him / her for life. And there are so many poor kids in the world who are badly in need of a better environment to grow up in.
But adoption and having kids per se is a very huge responsibility. There is no return policy. One cannot just adopt and then later on say have no time or resources and give the kid up, just like one cannot just get pregnant, give birth and then chuck the kid aside. That is so irresponsible!
Likewise, one cannot adopt a kid and then treat him / her like a slave, or subject him / her to beatings and abuse anytime one likes. It just does not work this way. If one is to adopt a kid, then one has to treat him / her as one's very own child, and give him / her the love, attention, commitment and devotion as how one would give to one's own child.
My parents once told me that if I am to be single, and want to have a kid, they much rather I adopt one than give birth to one out of wedlock. I fail to see what difference does that make. Giving birth will be my own child, likewise adoption will also be my own child. So why is it I can adopt a kid that has been abandoned by someone else, yet cannot give birth to my own one?
Yes, I want to have kids of my own, be it through natural or adoption. So why am I hesitating? Perhaps because I am still not that emotionally prepared to accept a kid in the family. If I am to have a child, then I have to make sure I can be fully prepared to accept the child, physically, emotionally and mentally.
Because the child deserves the fullest and best attention and care. Anything less will be unfair to the child. And I also have to ensure he / she is accepted by my family and treated as part of the family and my guy, although he has said if I am to adopt a child, he will not mind and will accept.
And if I am to get married, whoever my spouse is next time, he will have to accept that I have a child and be fully prepared to treat the child as his own, and lavish the child all the care and attention like how a father dotes on his own child.
There will be no excuse on accepting me but not the child, because I am not going to give up the child. And there will also be no unfair treatment even if we have our own children next time. The child I adopt will never be treated as an outcast no matter what happens.
Which is why I am still hesitating, because this is a big responsibility. It concerns someone's life, well-being and future. It is not shopping for clothes or shoes that once wear out, they can be chucked aside. This is a life-long commitment, just like having a pet.
And it will be more fair to the kid not to adopt him / her if one cannot bear the full responsibility and commitment and give the kid the very best in life, rather than adopt him / her only to chuck aside and neglect after a while.
2 comments:
oh pls pls think through. i do think it's a bad idea at this age. it's alot of new responsibilities. almost staggering.
A child needs the benefit of loving parents (mother and father). While there are lots of examples of kids who grew up fine in a single parent household, I believe they do better in a dual parent household.
Children are a great responsibility. And you are right, there is no return policy, no upgrade policy, no lemon policy.
I think you can still wait before having children. A better suggestion might be to volunteer to work with children.
Post a Comment