So I have been running around entertaining guests the past few days. We brought our guest and Australian relatives out for dinner, went over to my grandmother's house to interact with them, and catch up with each other's lives. It has been a mad rush, but rather wonderful as I can get to spend time with people close to me.
I never realise this, but when I sit back and observe objectively, I realise that my Australian cousins are brought up differently. I do not mean brought up differently like they are brought up the Western way, and we the Asian way, but "different" as in all three of them are brought up differently.
The eldest one got more scoldings and reprimands than anyone else. I witnessed it myself in the past when the whole family came and the parents were extra harsh on him. Is it because he is the eldest? Somehow it seems like the eldest child gets the brunt of the parents' harsh words and strict upbringing, but the youngest child gets the affection and love. I see it in my own family too.
The second one has more freedom to do what he likes, just like my first brother. The youngest one is more protected by the parents, who still view him as their baby, even though he is already an adult. This seems to be the same for my youngest brother too.
I wonder if the parents themselves know about the different treatment of the children? I guess every child is different, so maybe the parents treat each child according to his / her character and personality. But by doing this, they may show that they are favouring one child over another, and no child will feel good about it (except for the one being "favoured").
I used to tell my mum that she blatantly favours my youngest brother over any of us. She denies it vehemently. At that point in time, I refused to believe and felt that of course she would deny, as no one would ever admit they are treating people unfairly, even though it may be very obvious.
But after hearing how my friends and cousins bring up their children, why some kids get more punishment and others can get away with just a light reprimand, I can understand a little. Some kids are just more mischevious, and without harsher punishments, they may not learn their lessons. Some are by nature better behaved, so the occasional once-in-a-while accidents will be more easily overlooked.
Parents are humans after all, thus when bringing up their children, they tend to treat each one differently. One rule cannot be for all. How you treat this child may not necessary work on another child. I know that too well after my teaching stint. One cannot treat every child the same way, because each child is different from the next.
Still, I wish my parents can treat us the same way, now that we are all grown. I would so love for them to show me the affection like how they always show my youngest brother. As I reflect back on how I was brought up, I start to wonder just exactly what constitutes as being well brought-up? How far should parents go for their children?
There are parents who do everything for the children. The children need not worry about a thing, and even after these children start working, the parents will still be at their backs, encouraging them, ensuring they are well-protected, making sure no one bullies their little darlings.
These children then grow up sheltered and not knowing what to do. My mum told me that there are cases where one of her subordinates just started work, and they were in a brainstorming session. No one accepted her ideas. She got really upset as apparently, back at home, she could do anything she likes and whatever she said will always be accepted. So she went home to complain to her parents that she felt so insulted, and the next day her dad came and tendered her resignation for her.
There are also instances where scholars or those under bond did not like what they were doing, so wanted to get out, and the parents signed a cheque of a large sum of money just to pay back their bonds. My parents will never go to that extent for me, so in a way, I do admire these parents for willing to do that for their children.
My parents believe in sheltering me, not allowing me to do lots of things. While growing up, I was almost grounded, not allowed to go anywhere or do anything. I was not allowed to watch any television, go for any movies, have my own radio and listen to music, or talk on the phone.
I was also not allowed to go out to the beach and cycle or roller-blade, or bowl with my friends. I was also not brought out to do sports like running or tennis or squash. The only sports I was allowed was swimming, as my mum view that as a survival skill, not unnecessary recreation. I was not even allowed to read, although I read as much as I could while they were not around me.
All I could do was to go to school, go for enrichment lessons, go home, do my homework, study. This went on for a large part of my student life, until I completed secondary school, and after that, I rebelled. It was then I started going out with my friends for meals and movies and bowling, although not too often since my own allowance was limited.
Which explains why up to now, I still cannot really cycle and totally cannot roller-blade, because I am not like the kids nowadays who start from young. I also started learning tennis and squash only at an older age, which also explains why no one wants to play with me, since it is harder to pick up a new skill the older one gets.
So when our house guest wanted to go roller-blading, I was too embarrassed to tell her I cannot do it. I saw kids as young as six cycling and roller-blading away like an expert, and I was struggling to even balance the bicycle, and I felt so embarrassed. Worse is that these kids and their parents looked at me as if I was some sort of imbecile since I could not cycle.
I should not say that my parents did a bad job. It is never easy bringing up children as one wrong move can destroy their lives and future completely. To me, I feel if I am to be a parent, then I do it to the best of my ability, instead of just bringing a child into the world and then totally neglecting him / her. At least from my own experiences, I can see which are the ones I never liked, and bring up my own children in a better way, ie letting them experience as much as possible while still young. I do not wish any of my kids to be like me, not knowing how to do a lot of things and missing out so much in life.
I never realise this, but when I sit back and observe objectively, I realise that my Australian cousins are brought up differently. I do not mean brought up differently like they are brought up the Western way, and we the Asian way, but "different" as in all three of them are brought up differently.
The eldest one got more scoldings and reprimands than anyone else. I witnessed it myself in the past when the whole family came and the parents were extra harsh on him. Is it because he is the eldest? Somehow it seems like the eldest child gets the brunt of the parents' harsh words and strict upbringing, but the youngest child gets the affection and love. I see it in my own family too.
The second one has more freedom to do what he likes, just like my first brother. The youngest one is more protected by the parents, who still view him as their baby, even though he is already an adult. This seems to be the same for my youngest brother too.
I wonder if the parents themselves know about the different treatment of the children? I guess every child is different, so maybe the parents treat each child according to his / her character and personality. But by doing this, they may show that they are favouring one child over another, and no child will feel good about it (except for the one being "favoured").
I used to tell my mum that she blatantly favours my youngest brother over any of us. She denies it vehemently. At that point in time, I refused to believe and felt that of course she would deny, as no one would ever admit they are treating people unfairly, even though it may be very obvious.
But after hearing how my friends and cousins bring up their children, why some kids get more punishment and others can get away with just a light reprimand, I can understand a little. Some kids are just more mischevious, and without harsher punishments, they may not learn their lessons. Some are by nature better behaved, so the occasional once-in-a-while accidents will be more easily overlooked.
Parents are humans after all, thus when bringing up their children, they tend to treat each one differently. One rule cannot be for all. How you treat this child may not necessary work on another child. I know that too well after my teaching stint. One cannot treat every child the same way, because each child is different from the next.
Still, I wish my parents can treat us the same way, now that we are all grown. I would so love for them to show me the affection like how they always show my youngest brother. As I reflect back on how I was brought up, I start to wonder just exactly what constitutes as being well brought-up? How far should parents go for their children?
There are parents who do everything for the children. The children need not worry about a thing, and even after these children start working, the parents will still be at their backs, encouraging them, ensuring they are well-protected, making sure no one bullies their little darlings.
These children then grow up sheltered and not knowing what to do. My mum told me that there are cases where one of her subordinates just started work, and they were in a brainstorming session. No one accepted her ideas. She got really upset as apparently, back at home, she could do anything she likes and whatever she said will always be accepted. So she went home to complain to her parents that she felt so insulted, and the next day her dad came and tendered her resignation for her.
There are also instances where scholars or those under bond did not like what they were doing, so wanted to get out, and the parents signed a cheque of a large sum of money just to pay back their bonds. My parents will never go to that extent for me, so in a way, I do admire these parents for willing to do that for their children.
My parents believe in sheltering me, not allowing me to do lots of things. While growing up, I was almost grounded, not allowed to go anywhere or do anything. I was not allowed to watch any television, go for any movies, have my own radio and listen to music, or talk on the phone.
I was also not allowed to go out to the beach and cycle or roller-blade, or bowl with my friends. I was also not brought out to do sports like running or tennis or squash. The only sports I was allowed was swimming, as my mum view that as a survival skill, not unnecessary recreation. I was not even allowed to read, although I read as much as I could while they were not around me.
All I could do was to go to school, go for enrichment lessons, go home, do my homework, study. This went on for a large part of my student life, until I completed secondary school, and after that, I rebelled. It was then I started going out with my friends for meals and movies and bowling, although not too often since my own allowance was limited.
Which explains why up to now, I still cannot really cycle and totally cannot roller-blade, because I am not like the kids nowadays who start from young. I also started learning tennis and squash only at an older age, which also explains why no one wants to play with me, since it is harder to pick up a new skill the older one gets.
So when our house guest wanted to go roller-blading, I was too embarrassed to tell her I cannot do it. I saw kids as young as six cycling and roller-blading away like an expert, and I was struggling to even balance the bicycle, and I felt so embarrassed. Worse is that these kids and their parents looked at me as if I was some sort of imbecile since I could not cycle.
I should not say that my parents did a bad job. It is never easy bringing up children as one wrong move can destroy their lives and future completely. To me, I feel if I am to be a parent, then I do it to the best of my ability, instead of just bringing a child into the world and then totally neglecting him / her. At least from my own experiences, I can see which are the ones I never liked, and bring up my own children in a better way, ie letting them experience as much as possible while still young. I do not wish any of my kids to be like me, not knowing how to do a lot of things and missing out so much in life.
1 comments:
Entertaining guest in your home for hours is hard, let alone for days.
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