Arrogance Or Humility?

Is there a thin line between being humble or being arrogant? Arrogance normally refers to those people who think they are better off than others and look down on them. But what about humility? When is it being humble and when is it putting down oneself?

For instance, is it being arrogant if you pick and choose your friends? Most people I know do pick and choose friends. They only hang out with those they can get along with, and those that have no chemisty whatsoever they do not bother developing the friendship.

Before I was with my third ex, I did meet a guy who was almost "perfect", in terms of qualifications, intelligence, height, religion and character. As a bonus, he is quite good looking as well. He never hid the fact that he would like to develop our friendship further.

However, I rejected him before anything happened, simply because he is a regular smoker. My third ex said that I am so proud to reject him just on this basis. But for me, I cannot stand smoke and thus smokers are out. I can never bear going out with someone reeking of smoke the whole day.

Some people will say to give a try, because who knows he may stop his habit for me? But to choose between someone who has never smoked and never going to smoke and someone who has smoked and willing to kick the habit, I rather choose the former. Afterall, it is better to start on a clean slate.

Yes, he may kick his habit, but who is to say he will not go back to his habit? Most smokers never break the habit because once they start, they will never stop. They may stop for a while, but after that may go back again. So smokers, drug addicts, gamblers and alcoholics are out. All these are habits which I will not condone in a partner. However, if he is an ex-convict and starting life anew, I may still consider if he has none of the above.

So am I really being arrogant by rejecting him? Anyway it was not really a dramatic rejection not like some guys I have come across who never understand the meaning of "no". I kept turning down his invitation for movie and meals until in the end he stopped contacting me altogether.

I am not saying that smokers are necessarily all bad people. In fact, they can be very nice in character. But if a person smokes, he is showing inconsideration to everyone around him as well. Thus, I believe I am entitled to choose who I want to hang out with if it is an issue of personal health.

A humble person will not think this way, I believe. Humble people are normally more simple in character, and will accept whoever they meet as long as they have feelings for the person. So even if the partner smokes or drinks or gambles, they will accept everything. In this way, I admit I am not humble enough. At times I think in a way, I am arrogant, because if love means accepting the person as a whole, why do I let things like smoking, gambling and drinking come in between a relationship if we can get along?

If he smokes he will end up smelling like a chimney and this is something I can never live with. If he drinks and becomes a drunkard all the time, it is hazardous to his own physical and mental health, and he may just turn violent. If he gambles, then all our household expenses will be gone when the money can be used for other more useful things. So perhaps I am a little arrogant in this respect.