"Human Nature Is The Same Everywhere"

When one door closes, another one opens. How apt is the phrase! This applies so much to me, especially in the ups and downs of recent months. Just when I was upset over the loss of a few friends (?), I managed to make a few new friends in a matter of weeks, one was through something as ridiculous as messaging the wrong person!

To track back, perhaps I am someone really idealistic, often being optimistic about the goodness in people, too optimistic at times, to believe that everyone is good and no one would ever betray you unless you have done something to anger that person. But, naive and idealistic I am, I still feel that even if you anger someone, be it intentionally or not, as friends, let alone family, they should just apologise and clear up the misunderstandings. True friends will not let a little dispute get in the way, let alone family members!

Thus, I never adhered to the fact that people would cheat others. To me, I feel if the person does not even know you, why would they want to cheat you? And besides, what good is lying or cheating anyway, especially to someone who is a total stranger? Do people really enjoy toying with others' feelings and take advantage of others' goodness and totally take them for granted? Sorry, but I will not be able to live with my conscience in doing that.

How wrong I was! Not the conscience part in cheating people, but wrong in that people do go around cheating and lying their ways through and still derive satisfaction from their deeds. I have been cheated a few times. Even now, I am totally fazed by why they would do that? What satisfaction can one derive of cheating others? Do not think I am that ditzy not to know what is going on; I just chose to feign ignorance as I did not wish to blow up the matter.

Yet why do I still feel so optimistic about human nature, about there being goodness in everyone? Most people I know have a perverse sense of negativity when it comes to people. It seems as if they feel that everyone is evil and mean, and no one can be trusted, even those you love the most. To them, they view those who are nice and warm as having some ulterior motives. To me, I feel how can you view someone as a friend if you cannot trust the person? How can you even love someone if you do not trust him / her completely and explicitly? And perhaps the person really is warm and friendly by nature, so why be so suspicious?

People have advised me not to blog so much, not to give away every little piece of my detailed dalliances (what dalliances anyway?), because afterall, I will have no idea who read my site and the last thing I wanted is to have what I say turned against me. I never believed, as I thought afterall, people do not know me, so why would they deliberately create trouble, right?

But when trouble really brewed, I was so stumped, so upset. Everything I believed in people started crumbling. I could not fathom why some people would think that everyone who pours their hearts out in cyberspace are those only out for fame, audience and attention, and make a good show by lying their way through! Which brings me to the point on why would these people think whatever people said are untrue? Is there really such a joy in lying to others?

I have also been told not to believe everything people said. Like if someone told me a sob story, I should check through thoroughly instead of dropping everything and helping the person. To me, I feel why would people lie? Seriously, why would the story not be true? To a lot of others, their views are that people can say all they like, but how would one know if it is really true, as afterall, there is no concrete evidence? But to me, I always feel why would it not be true? Is there any purpose for anyone to lie?

I always feel that there is no greater pleasure than to offer help to whoever needs help, be it a listening ear, or monetary, or even advise. And there have been times when I offered to help without anyone even asking, simply because I felt they needed help. To me I just feel good to help others, but to others, they deem me as a nosey parker, a busybody, and said there is nothing they could offer me, so I did not need to do anything.

But I do not help others just to gain anything back. Of course, realists will then tell me to "grow up, everyone is only looking out for themselves, everyone is money-minded", yet I still do not think this way, to which well-meaning folks will then tell me I cannot live my life forever thinking that it is such a wonderful world. Why would others not believe me when I said I do this because I want to, not because I want anything from them?

I guess because most people will not bother doing something for others unless they have something back in return. Most people will never loan out cash, because afterall, why would they want to shortchange themselves? Besides, the issue of money harms most relationships. Best friends have been turned into enemies because of money (and love). And most people will not help, unless it is conditonal, even among family members and loved ones. How many people actually do things unconditionally, with no strings attached, I wonder? Is it any wonder that for a period of time, I was getting despair and losing faith in humanity?

But I have not learnt my lesson. I still believe in the goodness of people. I still believe that I can express however intense I feel about things around me, about issues that happened to me, without anyone putting me down. I still feel I can make friends anytime, anywhere, without anyone having any ulterior motives. And I still think people can still come to me whenever they need, without lying or cheating me.

Perhaps I really am idealistic. But I do believe everyone is good. Which is why I cannot fathom why others always think the worst in people. Even the late Dame Agatha Christie always thought the worst in people, as evidenced in her character Miss Jane Marple's famous line, "Human nature is the same everywhere", when she started predicting murder everywhere she went.

So anyway, I lost a few friends because of "human nature being the same everywhere". Now I am on the verge of losing my brother, the one who has always been close to me. I kept thinking that people are good, so much that to a lot of people, I lost touch with reality. I placed my trust in others whom I should never have trusted in the first place, which got me into this state. I lost friends, money, trust and integrity.

My youngest brother once said, "Come on, how well do you know this person to trust this person with your deepest secrets, even though you felt the connection and that this person was trustworthy? And how well do you know this other person that you were willing to loan four-figure amounts due to a cock and bull story and the person then became totally uncontactable the moment you tried to get your money back?" I always thought my gut feeling would never be wrong, but I must admit, in that once or twice instance, it totally veered off course.

But while I was moping around thinking whether I have placed my misguided trust in men (and women) in general, and I should start viewing humans in a much more negative light, I met a few others through extraordinary circumstances. One was online, another was through the phone, and a third was from a friend. Contrary to what people always tell me, online friends are never to be trusted, but this person seems to be an exception.

I am always drawn to people (both men and women) who are deep and intellectual, and talk about better things than just sex, romps and pornography (for men), and men, money and hooking a rich men (for women). Even though we have only conversed a few times, but each time the conversation was more intense. We actually debated, gave advise and generally chat about societal problems, world issues, conservation of the environment and war and peace. Depressing topics, but I love it!

The second person I recently met was quite sweet actually. It all started when I received a message from an unfamiliar number. So I asked who it was, and the person replied, and then asked if I was so and so. I said no, he had gotten the wrong number. To which he replied, "Sorry Mr, and thanks." Very polite, but then, for the owner of such a beautiful phone number, why would anyone think I am a Mr? I thought that is the type of number any one would think belong to a girl!

Anyway I replied and said that I am actually a Miss, but no problem. And after that, I had no idea what happened and we just started conversing, and voila! I made a new friend! To which well-meaning but negative people again told me, "This person is a complete stranger! Why would you even bother replying?" True, most people would not even bother replying to any message from an unfamiliar number, let alone start a conversation!

Well, I thought it would be polite to correct his error. Afterall, if I mistakenly sent a message to a wrong person, I would also like the other person to correct me. That is the polite and right thing to do, is it not? And besides, no harm knowing someone new. Afterall, people have known others through even more ridiculous circumstances!

I hope I can justify having my faith in humans renewed to a certain extent. Have I not learnt my lesson? Perhaps, but I still choose to believe that people are nice and good in general. As for those who for some reason or other they suddenly show their evil streaks and you have not done anything to offend, then perhaps these are the ones that have never been true in the first place. But for now, I have to solve the problem of how to get my brother talking to me again very soon.