I was reading Violet's latest article on her blog, and her Facebook page, and that particular article generated some heated discussion online. The reason is because one of the ladies said that her criteria for finding a guy is that he must earn a minimum of S$6,000.00 a month, which got slammed by the guys, but supported by the ladies.
Men said she is materialistic and a gold-digger. Some men even said if she wants the guy to earn a certain amount, then she herself should also earn that amount. Some men said if she wants a guy to earn a certain amount, then she must be pretty and gorgeous in the first place to be able to match with that kind of guy.
Whereas most women said that it is not an unreasonable request. The living expenses here are such that the median income for minimal expenses (normal public housing, small car, raising two kids, household expenses, transport, etc) is about S$6,500.00. Hence, women said asking for a mininum of S$6,000.00 is not unreasonable, in fact, it is already the bare minimum.
I guess the median income of S$6,500.00 is realistic because housing loans itself can kill you. Where in the world can you find a small public flat with two to three bedrooms that cost a minimum of S$300,000.00, and that is already in a very inconvenient area without any facilities and amenities? If you live near a train station with facilities like food centre, grocery shop, etc, then the price can be even S$500,000.00 or thereabouts. With that kind of price, I can own a mansion overseas!
Honestly, even after working for so long, whatever I have saved up is not even enough to get a small flat! Most people have to take loans as even with dual-incomes, their combined incomes are still not enough to get a normal flat! And depending in your age and tenure, the loan can be twenty to thirty years, with at least S$2,000.00 being paid back every month!
That is just for housing loan. What about if one has kids and feel it is more convenient to get a car to drive the children around? Where in the world can you find cars, even a small Suzuki Swift wihch is like the cheapest car here, that cost S$70,000.00 minimum for a new car? And that is not including the certificate of entitlement which one has to bid for, in order to even own a car. And that can cost around the same price as the cost of the whole car at a bare minimum, unless one happens to be lucky to get the bidding at a very low rate, which does not happen often. So it is another S$140,000.00 into the car, with car loans adding to another at least S$1,000.00 every month. With that kind of price, I can drive a sports car overseas!
That is not including household expenses like water and electricity, food, entertainment, upbringing of kids, sending them to pre-schools (pre-schools can cost around S$800.00 every month even with subsidy). So one does the mathematics and see how much a normal household needs as a bare minimum.
Having said that, I never believed in having a price tag to love. I have never asked that the guy I am with must earn a certain amount. In fact, as far as I remember, I have never dated anyone of that "price range", nor have I dated anyone who even earns more than me. I never question what the guy's income is too unless we are of a serious stage of commitment. Nor do I state what kind of jobs he must be in.
Unless the guy is a doctor, lawyer, banker or director of some company, chances are he will never be able to reach the minimum S$6,000.00 a month. And how many doctors, lawyers, directors and bankers can one find? Even if can find, they may either be married, or gay, or non-committal. Honestly, I have not even sniffed that amount even after working for so long. My income is way below that. Most of us are normal workers with average incomes. So is the nature of the job or the income really the be all and end all of considering a lifelong partner?
I just want someone I can get along with. I do not need a guy to give me a luxurious life, nor bring me to the ends of the earth, nor bring me fine dining all the time. I am also working, I also have my own keep, so why should I need a man to bring me to do all these things, when I am more than capable of doing all these on my own?
I just want someone who can be in partnership with me and we are each other's mutual support, who can work together to create a good life for both of us. That is why I never question a guy's income, because if I like him, there must be something that attracted him to me in the first place, and not because of how much net worth he has.
If one base a relationship on net worth, then is the person really committed to the guy or to the money? Does it mean to say if the guy no longer has the capability to earn that much, or if he ever goes bankrupt, or lose his job and has to take something lower, she will leave him for someone richer?
When has love started to become so calculative? True love should never be calculative. To me, a real committed relationship is when both get together, know what they are in for, and then work out all problems along the way together. It is really for richer or poorer, for better or worse, in sickness and in health, till death do them part.
If a woman manages to find someone who earns a lot to give her a luxurious life, then she is very lucky. Not everyone is so lucky. Most of us work together with our partners, contribute together, and carve out a better lives for ourselves and our families. If someone is to put a price tag on love, then would the person not be losing out on someone who may be right, even if the person does not come in the exact "package" she wants?
Imagine you find a guy who earns S$10,000.00. Yet he is so controlling, wants everything done his way, never respects his wife, puts such a tight rein on his finances and refuses to contribute more, and yet still expects the wife to contribute more and puts her down when she does not earn as much as he likes.
Then imagine another guy who earns say S$4,000.00. But he gives whatever he can to his family, never asking his wife to contribute, and he respects his wife and loves his family. His family's welfare and happiness is everything to him.
Which guy would a woman prefer? Many would say the first guy, simply because he earns more. But does that mean a guy with more earning power entitles him to be a jerk? Personally, I would prefer the second guy.
I always feel even if you find someone who is richer, he may not necessarily give you happiness. Likewise, someone who may not be that rich, you may actually be happy with the person. The problem is most people nowadays, they want to put a price tag to love, and once the person does not meet up in terms of net worth, he is dropped without even getting a chance.
No wonder there are so many singles out there because people are not able to see beyond the price tag and see the person for who he or she is. And that is a sad thing indeed, as they may probably find themselves lonely for the rest of their lives, with so much money but no one to share with.
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