Water Therapy

Medical practitioners, mothers, grandmothers, old wives all swear to the goodness of water. And by water, they mean pure natural plain drinking water, not fruit juices or carbonated drinks sold all over. Ironically, it costs more to buy bottled water outside than any other canned drink.

All living things need water. Besides air, water is the most important need. Without water, we will be dehydrated. We will get sick, our bodies and insides will dry up, and we will eventually die of thirst.

But in recent years, people have discovered that water has many other uses as well. It helps to cool us down, has healing properties, keeps people looking young, cleanses the toxins from our bodies and acts as a purifying agent for thorough cleaning of our body systems.

Ever since we were born, we have been told to drink at least eight glasses of water per day. But how much is eight glasses? Now there is a more specific volume – 1 to 1.5 litres of water per day, the capacity of a big Coca Cola (or Pepsi or Sprite or 7-Up, whatever, it is all the same) plastic bottle. Which means on the average, people can just survive on one big Coca Cola bottle of water per day.

But water does have healing properties. Afterall, when one is sick and no appetite to eat anything, doctors always advise to drink lots of water so as to cool down and heal the body. Being sick always makes one’s body and mouth very dry, so during that period of time, water really is a healing agent.

A couple of years back when I was undergoing treatment for vocal nodules problem triggered by the education profession, the specialist told me to take frequent sips of water to moisturize my throat and vocals.

She said it is not a matter of gurgling down glasses after glasses of water, but more on just sipping little drops of water and keeping the insides moisturized throughout the day. That is more effective than drinking three glasses at one shot.

This same advise was given by all the choral conductors and my voice teacher. I was always told to make sure I drink lots of water, and always have a bottle of water handy while singing so I can take sips as and when I feel my voice straining.

The period of time when I was doing that religiously, my voice quality really improved. Now that I am too lazy to bring out a bottle of water, my voice seems to be perpetually sore. I must start doing that again!

Water also helps people lose weight. Dieticians advise that when one is tempted to snack, drink water and keep the stomach bloated. Then the snacking urge will go once the stomach is full of water. So when a person stops snacking, he / she does not need to worry about escalating weight problems anymore!

Water helps keep skin soft and supple, which results in smoother and younger-looking skin. Lotions and potions work on the outside, but even the most expensive skin products one use will not be that effective if the body is not clean and healthy on the inside.

Water moisturizes the skin from the inside and reduces fine lines and wrinkles. This is tried and tested. When I used to drink more water, my skin was actually better. Now with an office job and drinking more tea and Milo than water, I find traces of premature ageing. I have to bring another bottle to the office to consume more water from now on.

It has also been said that drinking one or two glasses of water first thing in the morning when you wake up actually keeps one healthier and less prone to illness. Those people who have never ever gotten sick, or got sick only once in a blue moon, swear by this.

They say drink two glasses of water when you wake up, even before brushing your teeth (Ewwww!!!), as some bacteria lingering in your mouth that will be flushed down by the water actually benefits the body.

I do drink at least three glasses of water when I wake up, but only after I brush my teeth and wash my face. I have not tried drinking water before brushing my teeth, maybe that is why this does not work on me and I still get sick quite often?

But whatever it is, water is a rare commodity, not to be wasted. Water may be just a simple liquid but its functions are tremendous. So we should utilize water fully and wisely but not waste it unnecessarily, otherwise one of these days we may find ourselves lack of clean drinking water.

Life's Little Situations

I am sick, at the wrong time. I have been feeling rather flu-ish since last week as my throat started itching and my nose started getting blocked. Yesterday I was sniffling and sneezing the whole day away. Thank goodness I am more or less done with my assignment! Now I just worry I may not be able to perform this Saturday.

I received this email from a friend and am amazed by the accuracy of the statements. Really a true reflection of life’s little situations.

1. After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch. (Is that not just irritating?!)

2. Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

3. When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged tone.

4. If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tyre, the next morning you will have a flat tyre.

5. If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.

6. When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.

7. The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you do not want to be seen with. (Or the probability of meeting someone you do not wish to see is higher than meeting someone you wish to see.)

8. When you try to prove to someone that a machine will not work, it will.

9. The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

10. At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrives last.

11. As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

12. You remember you have to mail a letter only when you are near the mailbox. (Obviously you will not have the letter with you then.)

13. When you start drinking in a pub with your friends, your wife will call you on the hand phone.

14. The moment you open an email attachment with funny or adult pictures, your boss walks into your cubicle.

The Jackpot Of Coincidences

1. Your cousin’s boyfriend happens to be the university roommate of her brother, and the former classmate of another cousin, and no one knows until a family gathering.

2. Your sponsor for bible studies used to be your junior in school and NTU, stayed in the same Hall, and he was the President of the NTU Catholic Students’ Apostolate the year you were the Treasurer of the NIE Catholic Students’ Apostolate (which happened to be the sub-committee of the NTUCSA), but you did not know each other until you were involved in the same chorus together.

3. The former Artistic Director of the chorus used to be the conductor of the NTU Choir, to which you almost joined but for your heavy workload and commitment in the NIE Choir.

4. You joined a chorus only to find that quite a number of your fellow singers were from the same alma mater as yourself, but you have never met them until then.

5. Your secondary school classmate and choral mate (and later the choir conductor of the school you taught in) was the ex of your ex.

6. Your ex attended the school across the street from the school you were attending, as both were run by the same mission.

7. Your ex proposed to his current stead at the very same restaurant where he proposed to you.

8. You met a nice person at a workshop and found that the last four digits of the mobile number is the same as yours, and the person’s partner’s mobile number is the exact same sequence of numbers as yours except for the last digit.

A Marvellous Day

I had such a great time yesterday! I went for a Poetry Analysis Seminar, courtesy of SIM University, then I met him and we spent the day together. I wanted to go down around town area so it would be more centralised for both of us, but he insisted to go wherever is nearest to my place.

We took a long train ride from one end to the other, went for lunch at Jack's Place, then watched "Rumor Has It". By the time the show ended, it was only about 5:30pm, so he offered to bring me for another show since both of us were not hungry as yet.

So we checked out the timings and bought the tickets for "Mrs Henderson Presents". I am actually surprised that this show is allowed in a neighbourhood cinema since there are naked men and women (not just topless, but really full naked) in it, but it is good if the local society is slowly becoming more open-minded. Just a few years back, a show like this would have been rated "R(A)".

We went for a drink at Delifrance, went to Puzzle World where I showed him the 1000-piece jigsaw puzzle I completed two years back (which is now framed and hanging in my room), then went to Popular CD Rama where I bought an entire CD collection of my favourite oldies (or rather, he bought for me at his insistence), before going in for the show.

After that, we had dinner at Phin's Steakhouse, then took the train back. He actually got off with me and walked me all the way back, before taking the long train ride back to his place.

I really had an enjoyable day, but I fear for his pocket. First time I went on a date where I really did whatever I wanted but all paid for by someone else. Okay, perhaps not the first time since I have a few nice and generous friends too, but first time on a date with a pursuer and I feel so well-treated.

I told him the next time we go out, I will pay since he already spent so much on me, but he insisted that it is a guy's duty to pay for his date. The most important thing is that I enjoyed myself, which I certainly did.

How come local guys like this are almost extinct?

My Favourite Colour(s) ....

Someone asked me the other day what my favourite colour is. I have two favourite colours actually. Most of my clothes, accessories and things are in these two colours. Whenever I buy or do anything, I always prefer to have either one of the colours if not both.

For those who have been following my blog, it is actually very obvious what my favourite colours are. Anyone like to venture a guess? ;-D

Meaning What You Say, And Saying What You Mean

Today is K's birthday. Happy birthday, my friend! Finally, you have graduated from the twenties' range! Not to fear, I am not that far behind as well. :-(

I cannot understand the way some girls function. Okay, perhaps "understand" is not the right word since I do understand, just that I do not really approve of the way they think and behave. Why is it that they say one thing but mean another? And why do they have to go round in circles, expecting others to know what they mean? (See, I put down my own sex too, so stop accusing me of being a sexist!)

A friend said that last Saturday, she was supposed to go out with her boyfriend. They have not met for a few weeks since he was away on a business trip. Unfortunately on Friday, he fell ill. So she told him to rest at home and not to meet her.

He took her word for it and really did not meet her. He left again for another overseas meeting on Monday. Needless to say, she was livid. She kept saying that if he really loves her and sincere to her, he will find some time to meet her since he was going away so soon again.

I told her that she was the one who told him to stay home and rest. Besides, he was sick, she cannot just expect him to run around with her when he was not feeling well. Just too bad he happened to be sick at the wrong time.

She said that she would sound like a bitch if she insisted he met up with her, but on the other hand, she wished he could take the initiative to offer to meet her instead of just staying home and rest.

Now, how would he know what she want if she does not say anything? To which she said he should know how she thinks by now. Hmmmm..... Still, I told her just tell him she misses him and want to meet him instead of telling him something then meaning another.

But anyway, if he is sick, instead of him going out to meet her, she can always go to his place and visit him or take care of him. That is what a girlfriend should do, is it not? They will still be meeting each other, and they can still spend time together.

Another friend just blew up at her fiance. He was watching one too many sports games and she badly wanted to talk to him on their housing renovation. She told him to finish his television programs, but after that, blew up at him for neglecting her for some "stupid sports show again".

As far as the guy was concerned, she told him to finish watching first. But as far as the girl was concerned, things need not be spelt out all the time. The guy should take the initiative to show some concern or sensitivity towards her.

Well.... what can I say? Most guys are dense (sorry if I offend you, guys), as in they cannot take hints. One has to tell them straight before they can know what you want. But then some guys are really so dense that even if you tell them straight they still do not know what you want.

But on the other hand, if the couple is in a relationship, there should not be any barriers in speaking your mind. After all, it is each other's duty in a relationship to be emotionally and physically there for each other.

So if the girl wants something, can she not speak up instead of saying one thing and then meaning another, and getting angry at the guy for listening to her in the first place? But I guess girls are funny by nature, which is why guys always complain they can never understand how a woman function.

Stress! Stress! Stress!

Positive : You finally finished the first draft of your assignment after almost a month of hard work. (Whew!)

Negative : You still have to tidy up the details, write out a second draft, proof-read again, and write out the third draft before the final product.

Double Negative : The assignment is due in a week. :-(

Back to work, back to work, back to work!

Still Confused ....

It has been one hell of a week. Work, study, work, study, chat with him, work, study. I had to rush my assignment this week. And it had been a particularly stressful day today. I killed a spider at work. It started crawling up my knuckles while I was in the middle of replying to an email, making me jump up and scream.

I told off an unreasonable caller. I turned the filing cabinets upside down just to look for one particular file for one particular document. I bounced emails back and forth, back and forth, and the other party still could not reach an agreement. I countered and re-countered several contracts. I proof-read a thirty-page legal document. By the time I knocked off, I was totally shagged.

To top it off, I am still in the process of sorting out my emotional state. He is a nice guy, one of the nicest I know. He is also mature (probably due to his age), independent and what my mum will term as "ready" and "stable". So why the reservation?

We were talking about relationships and I asked him what made him so sure he wants to be with me since we only know each other for just over a month? He told me he thinks it is due to fate.

He said that he already noticed me long before we first talked to each other. He saw me in the staff canteen. He said that for other pretty girls he would just glance and forget, but for me, somehow he had to look again. Flattered, that he actually finds me pretty.

Each time he sees me he is tempted to look again. When he saw me take the same bus and sitting at the back seat, he thought it must be something that got him to keep noticing me and I chose to sit right at the back, just like him.

One day, he was sitting at one corner and I was sitting at the other corner of the back seat and the IT people were sitting in between us, he engaged them in a conversation just so he could look at me throughout without making it too obvious that he was looking.

Then that day when I sat next to him, he thought that was the chance that he could get to know me, which was why he started talking to me. And after that he realise that it is not just physical attraction but love at first sight.

What a sweet tale! He said that when it comes to his age, one does not need long courtships to know if the person is suitable; one just knows because someone his age already knows what he / she want. And he does not find me too young for him; rather he is worried I may find him too old for me.

One of the reservations on my part is the age gap. He is almost a decade older. Although feedback gathered from my girlfriends is that it is still best to find a guy older. Some of my friends will only go for guys at least eight years their senior and above.

I sounded my mum out on this issue. She said a ten year gap is just right. I told her that my dad is still four years older than her, to which she said which is why she is suffering. Hmmmmm...... My mum said that a couple three to four years of age difference will not find it a problem when they were young, but it becomes a problem when they are old.

She said that when my dad was thirty, he had a thirty-year-old mentality, now that he is almost sixty, he still has a thirty-year-old mentality. So she thinks the bigger the age gap between the couple, the better it is, but of course, not to the extent of twenty or thirty years difference.

In the past she used to disapprove of my relationships as she always think the guys are too young. She is rather approving of my friendship with this guy now as she thinks he is at the age where he is already established career-wise, stable financial wise, and will seriously look to settle down. And guys like that normally make the best boyfriends and husbands.

Other reservations on my part is the qualifications and religion part. He sounded me out whether I would accept a guy who is a non-graduate, and he is a free-thinker, but keeps questioning me on religion, some of which I am still not able to answer him. And besides, he really looks a lot like my best friend's ex. How will she feel if I go with someone who looks like that ex whom she regrets so much breaking up with?

But one thing I notice is that there is a difference in talking to a guy my age (I am basing on the experiences with my exs) and talking to a guy so much older. Their perspectives and outlook are simply different. Perhaps it is due to them having more exposure and experience in life. A guy in his twenties may still be rather immature. Like some of my peers, I can never understand the way they think.

The thing I found out is that he and I seem to have the same approach to life and relationship. He does not like a girl who is materialistic, which was why he broke up with his ex. He does not believe in restricting the girl's freedom. She can wear anything she likes and do anything she likes. He says that the girl should have her own life as well.

He says that in a relationship, the couple should appreciate each other's good points and values, and not dwell too much on the bad qualities. This is more or less how I view relationships as well.

He is really encouraging. Like on Tuesday when I told him that my conductor made all of us sing solo (in the four different parts), I got a little scolding as I have yet to memorise my part and the performance is next weekend, he told me to buck up. Today when I sent him a message in the middle of the day telling him how stressed I was, he sent me cute messages and comforted me.

Meanwhile I will be meeting him for a show this Saturday. He is staying near our company, yet he told me to choose a cinema near my place so it is easier for me to get home. I asked what about him? If I choose somewhere near my place, will it not be too far for him? He said it does not matter since he is the guy, he is more worried about me as it will be more dangerous for a girl to make a long journey home.

Perhaps my friends have something there. An older guy is different, even as a friend. No doubt he is pursuing me, but then, I have never felt so well-taken care of before. My previous guys could never hold a candle, even as a friend and a pursuer.

Knowledge Is King (Or Queen)!

At times I feel that people are too easily satisfied. They do not strive for more. If people like their jobs and are happy doing what they are doing and earning enough to support the family, that is still fine. One does not need that much money or a high post with higher stress levels in one’s lifetime.

But people are satisfied over what they know, and do not wish to strive for more. I cannot imagine anyone being satisfied with what they know. Even people who are so knowledgeable like some of my friends still learn new things everyday, let alone normal people like me whose knowledge is so limited.

Striving for more knowledge or upgrading oneself does not mean studying for degrees or Masters or PhDs. It can be anything from reading something new, or picking up a new skill, or attending a workshop one is interested in, or surfing the web for information. It need not even take up that much of your time.

But some people just refuse to do that. They think what they know is enough, need not know more things. For instance, a friend dumped a guy because he refused to upgrade. He only has ‘O’ levels, and just refused to upgrade his qualifications, or even pick up a new skill.

She asked him how is he going to set an example to his children next time because kids nowadays are getting smarter and smarter. There are children in lower primary reading things like “Harry Potter”, “Lord Of The Rings”, “Narnia”, “Sophie’s World” and even “Da Vinci Code”, books which even a lot of my friends well into their adulthood have not even come across.

Anyway, that guy just answered that his wife must work, which got my friend irritated as they seem to be on different wavelengths. She said it is not a matter of whether the wife will work or not, but the attitude and willingness to learn. How to inculcate the thirst of knowledge in their children if he is not even willing to learn more things?

I was told by someone not to take up the course I am taking, as that person who told me that felt that I would only be studying things I already know. Thus it would be a waste of my time and my money.

What makes him think I know everything covered in the course? I do not know everything that is covered in the course, let alone everything in the world! I take the course because I am interested to learn more things, and since I am interested in humanities, it is the best course for me. No one can possibly know everything that is to be studied, not even the lecturers.

Then he asked why must I take up so many things at this point in time? Simple – because I want to learn as many things as I can! Especially now that I am still single, this is the time to learn as much as possible, because once I get married, I want to spend the time on my family. I am not like my parents who can struggle with work, family and part-time courses all at the same time.

So he said what if I find a boyfriend? How to have time for each other? Well, if I do find a boyfriend, then we just have to compromise on the time. Ultimately, he must have the same attitude and approach to learning new things and not stop me from doing my various activities.

Being in a relationship does not mean you give up everything for the other person; rather how you compromise, accommodate and incorporate each other’s lifestyles and activities in each other’s lives. If the guy cannot even understand, support or accept that I like what I do, then he is not for me anyway.

This same person feels that taking courses or learning new skills are just a waste of time and money. His take is that he knows everything that is needed to survive, so whatever he knows is enough, no need for anything else.

How can anyone’s knowledge ever be enough? There are always things to learn everyday. It is not whether your knowledge is enough, but the entire approach and outlook to learning. Those who choose to be stagnated will find themselves obsolete and hard to catch up with the rest one of these days.

I just feel that one of the most valuable things in life is knowledge and a good attitude to learning. Your money and job may go, but whatever knowledge one gains is with you for a lifetime. No one can ever take it away from you, no matter how many times you share your knowledge.

Do Fierce Girls Put Guys Off?

My friend in England told me once that she did not know how to be a real woman in the past. And her definition of a real woman means someone demure, submissive and gentle. She said her father used to have affairs, and her mother would bring her along to go beat up the other woman, so she grew up thinking that women have to be fierce to their men.

Then after six failed relationships, she realised that she could be partly the problem. She sees the other teachers being so fierce to the kids but so sweet in front of their husbands, and she saw me doing so much for my then-boyfriend, and came to a realization that guys want someone who is sweet and gentle, not someone who is fierce.

Now that she is married and a housewife in England, she has really changed a lot. From someone who used to live such a lavish lifestyle and domestically-impaired, she now does all the cooking, cleaning by herself and forever thinking up ways to save money so her husband will not work so hard. I am really impressed, and hope I can be like that too.

I have been told by my brother to control my temper otherwise I will risk losing all the guys I went out with. But I do not think I am that fierce; if anything, it seemed that the guys I was with are all fiercer than me. At least I know I always have to swallow their tantrums without saying anything. And some guys can throw even worse tantrums than girls!

A guy I met last year said guys want submissive kittens and not someone outspoken like me. If he thinks I am outspoken, he has not seen the extent my friends behave. I am fierce only to people who are irritants.

If he thinks I am fierce to him, then please examine himself on how he has been behaving towards me! My friends already complain that I am so easy-going, soft-spoken and nice that people like to take advantage of me!

Is it true that a fierce woman will turn guys off? Do guys really prefer someone who is submissive and do anything he says? I know for sure my mum is never like that. In fact, I see her getting irritated at my dad over everything, which probably explains his long trips abroad. Yet my parents are still together after almost thirty years. In fact, it will be thirty years in another few months.

But fierceness is subjective. Women all have mood swings, some more than others. Whenever they are in one of their moods, they can range from a harmless “picking on everything you do” to the more serious and extreme “beating you up and throwing things at you”.

But how far should a guy tolerate? Just like a girl should not tolerate a guy who abuses her physically, verbally and emotionally, I guess a guy also should not tolerate a girl like that. So how much is a guy willing to take?

As I said, fierceness is subjective, and I think it all depends on the guy how far he is willing to accommodate. My dad accommodated my mum which is why our household is still rather peaceful comparatively. He now switches off to all her ramblings, and told my brothers that they have to get used to a woman’s ramblings as women are all emotional so they are those who cannot keep their feelings inside them. How true!

Although women do have mood swings and can be really difficult at times, overall I think it should not become a habit to always pick on the guy and be so fierce to him. Not everyone can accommodate, and anyway, if you really love the guy, you should try your best to always make him happy and not even be fierce to him.

Confused State Of Mind ....

I need some time off to seriously sort out my emotional state of mind. A lot of things have suddenly happened that they are all overwhelming me. I need to be clear on how exactly I feel and to unknot this state of confusion I am feeling right now. A wrong choice can prove to be painful, as have experienced various other times.

I first saw him at the company’s Christmas lunch last year. First thing that struck me was that he looks a lot like my best friend’s very nice ex-boyfriend. Both have the prominent angular type of features, both are tall and skinny, both have the “cool” look.

At first I was surprised that two totally different people can actually look so alike. And no, they are definitely not related, since I know my friend’s family as well. He was rather noticeable that day as his department won a lot of lucky draw prizes, but he was the only one who was taking all the prizes for them.

After that I found out where he was sitting. I did not deliberately go to find out but it just so happens his department is on the first floor, where everyone will pass by on the way to the canteen. And he is sitting next to the door leading to the canteen, so it is impossible not to notice him.

I found out which company transport he takes, because as and when I took the same transport, I would see him. On the company bus, I have a habit of taking the back corner seat, right behind the back door. He always takes the back seat.

One day in January, we started talking as the bus was full and I had to sit next to him. I do not know whether any of you ever experienced the situation where the moment you talk to someone totally new, you found out both of you can click so well?

That was what happened to him and me. The moment we started talking, it was non-stop. We talked abut our work, our qualifications, the things we like to do. Even though it was a short journey from the company to the train station where we both alight, it was a rather intense conversation.

I remember I went off that day feeling rather good as I never had such an intense conversation with a local guy in his mid-thirties in so long (my own friends do not count). The guys I met around that age only wanted sex without bothering to really talk to a person.

The next time I took the bus, he sat next to me. He remarked that he did not see me the past few times, so I said that was because I took my own transport home. I would take the same bus he takes only if I am going somewhere else.

That day, the Head of the Security Guard happened to take the bus too. He is a naggy old man, and none of us like talking to him. The old man just rattled on when he saw us, and there was hardly a place to cut in. I saw my new friend getting rather irritated, and I was too.

The moment the old man stopped to catch a breath, my new friend “rescued” me by talking to me. He was showing me cute images on his phone, and that was when we exchanged numbers. He asked if he could message me, so I said okay. I was going to watch a movie that night, and he actually messaged me while I was watching the show by asking me to enjoy the movie.

After that, each time we took the same bus, we would sit together and chatted all the way. We realize that we both chat online, so we exchanged our particulars for online chat. So far, I have only chatted with him four times online, but each time we just have so many things to talk about that we will end up spending hours chatting to each other.

His messages started increasing. The day of the company dinner he sent me a message at 1:00am asking if I have reached home. So I asked why was he not asleep yet, and he said he wanted to be sure I reached home safely. What a sweet guy, just like my friend!

I started bitching to him on a lot of things. About those jokers I met, about problems in my work, about people who took me for granted. For someone I just met not long ago, I actually feel comfortable baring all my emotions and feelings to him, and he would always lend a listening ear, giving me advice, telling me all the right things at the right time.

I started looking to him as a close confidante, as an elder brother. We discovered we have similar tastes in music, we like all the same groups like ABBA, Simon & Garfunkel, BeeGees, Michael Learns To Rock, and songs like Collin Raye’s “Love, Me”. He sent me some songs he found. We realise we are both sentimental and quiet people, often letting our emotions rule us.

He would never fail to send me a message everyday, asking me how my day was and what I would be doing. His messages grew longer and longer, and my replies became longer and longer. I started to look forward to his messages.

Last night (early yesterday morning actually), we were chatting until the wee hours of the morning, until in the end I got so sleepy that I said I needed to sleep. It was the first time in so long that I actually stayed up until 4:00a.m. on a weekend just to chat with people.

Before we signed off, he told me, “I finally found you. Can you sense it?” I said, “I think I sensed something, but not sure if we are referring to the same thing.” He said that maybe I should start reading into people’s hearts because someone’s heart may just be saying “I love you”.

I was not sure how to reply to that, so I just told him to go sleep since it was already so late. He said, “Please take care. Just be happy. Good night and sweet dreams, dar.”

Finally I said, “I am going to be very direct. Are you saying you want to be with me?” He said, “Why not? But have to get to know each other much better first.” Well, very true, have to get to know each other better first.

Today he called me and said he would be taking half day’s urgent leave. He also said that he wanted to ask me out today but was afraid it would be too last minute, and anyway he had some affairs to settle.

Then he said that he would be free every weekend, and if I do not mind, he will ask me out. I told him not to worry about me and to settle his own problems first. As for weekends, if he can catch me on a free day, then by all means go ahead and try his luck.

But why is this churning such emotional turmoil within me? Do I like him? Yes, a lot. But do I love him in that way? I am still trying to figure out the answer to this. It is a much different feeling than before.

Then, I liked someone so much I was willing to do everything for him. But right now, I look forward to his messages, to seeing him around the office, to taking the same bus as him, confiding in him, talking about things. It was like I found a soulmate. So are the feelings real then? Now I am in a real messed-up state.

When One Is In A Rush ....

Why is it when one is in a hurry nothing ever goes right? You are not able to hitch any cabs, the bus you are waiting for is no trace in sight, you miss one train and have to wait a long time for the next one, and when you finally manage to get a cab, the lights turn red the moment you arrive at any traffic junction.

Yet everything is so smooth when you are not in a hurry. Cabs are aplenty, buses are aplenty, the train comes on time, and traffic is so smooth-sailing. Sometimes I wonder if fates are conspiring against you. Why do these things always happen?

A Pet Is A Lifetime Of Responsibility

Some time ago when I was surfing the SPCA website looking for strays to adopt, I came across this touching article which brought tears to my eyes. A pity I did not save or print it out, so when I went back to the website later, the article is no longer there. The story reproduced here is entirely from my memory. I try as much as possible to remember every detail.

When I was a puppy, your world consisted of only me. You expressed anger whenever I messed up the floor, but always forgave me and gave me a tummy rub when I looked dopey and apologetic. You carried my photo everywhere and showed me off to all your friends.

Later you felt you needed a human companion instead. So you brought home a lady who has no affinity for dogs. Still, I welcomed her into our home, as long as you were happy. But while I used to be able to roam all around the house, now I spend most of my time shut up in the kitchen.

When the human children came, I was just as excited as you were. I wanted to take care of them, protect them, be their mother too. But you and your wife were afraid I would hurt them, so kicked me aside whenever I went near any of them.

Your attitude had changed. You no longer played with me or took me out for walks. Even when your friends asked if you had a dog, where in the past you would take out my photo and show me off excitedly, now you would just mumble a “Yeah” and changed the subject.

Then the inevitable happened. You received a job posting to another town. Which means you had to move with your family to an apartment that would not accommodate a dog. But I believed you would never abandon me.

When you brought me out onto the car, I was so excited. I thought the old times had come back where you would bring me out for a spin once in a while. When we reached the dog pound, I was confused. Why were you bringing me here?

You handed me over to an officer and said, “I am sure you can find a good home for her.” Then you left without even looking at me. When your son cried saying, “Daddy, I want my dog! Don’t leave her here!” you soothed him by saying you would buy him his favourite toy. So that was all I was – a toy, and you taught your son that my life could be exchanged for a mere toy.

The officer kept me in a cage, all the while shaking her head and remarking that you had probably known about the move for quite some time, yet never bothered to find another home for me.

Time passed. Each time someone came, I was so excited thinking that you had come back for me, or even someone who would be willing to take me. When I saw the newcomers being brought back instead, my heart sank. The officer fed me very well, but I had lost my appetite long ago. I missed you and wondered when you were coming back for me.

But I know the fate of a middle-aged dog, even for one “with papers”. We would always be overlooked in favour of younger puppies that could be trained from young. Month after month passed with me seeing all the other dogs being taken away and no one wanted me.

One day, the officer brought me to the vet’s office. I saw her holding a syringe in her hand. She started to stroke me with tears in her eyes. She comforted me, telling me not to blame her for what she was about to do before injecting me with the syringe.

I felt my head spinning. My eyes were starting to close. The vet continued stroking me and crying. I gave a final swipe of my tail just when my eyes closed to tell her that I did not blame her. It was my master who had abandoned me, who had caused my death.

This story was written by an anonymous person, reflecting the fates of thousands of dogs in the American Dog Pound every year. It was written from the point of view of a typical dog, with a typical owner.

I really feel for the dog. I cannot imagine ever abandoning my Cookie or my cousin ever abandoning her dog. I cannot understand why some people want to have dogs only to abandon them later on.

The moral of the story is, if you want a pet, make sure it really is for a lifetime. Treat it with the utmost care like how you will treat a child. To adopt a pet then abandon it after a while is the cruelest and most irresponsible act ever.

Generation Pressure

Positive : You attended a very nice wedding dinner of your immediate cousin.

Negative : You realise you are the next in line now that he is married. (And you are also the next in line on your mother's side as all your cousins who are same age and older are married or attached too.)

Double Negative : All the elders on both sides will now turn their attention to you and start pestering you to get married.

Sometimes I wish I can just go away and never come back .....

On a more hopeful note, my first brother just told me that one of his online forum mates said something rather sensible :

A girl should not feel hurt that she lost the guy. The guy should be the one to feel bad, because the girl is only losing someone who does not love her, whereas the guy is losing someone who does.

I must really keep this in mind.

Being A Scrooge ....

Guys always say they like a woman who is not extravagant. On the other hand, girls like a man who allows them to indulge a little. Having said that, saving money and being thrifty is a good virtue for any sex. Less likely to run into major financial problems.

But when is it being thrifty and when is it being downright stingy? What circumstances will you be considered a scrooge? Perhaps the distinction is that being thrifty is just to spend on things that are necessary, and maybe the once in a while indulgence. Being a scrooge is when you refuse to spend even on the basic necessities, like showering in cold water and going around in darkness as you refuse to pay for electricity.

A few years back I read an article on this lady who was complaining about her husband’s miserly ways. She said it was his thriftiness that attracted her, as she did not want a guy who splurged and in the end no money to support the family.

However, his miserly ways started to get on her nerves. As she was not working, she had to live off the allowance he gave her, but he only gave her S$200.00 per month for her and the three children. And the money covered groceries, school fees, household expenses. This despite the fact that he was earning S$5,000.00 per month, owned an expensive car and held a country club membership.

Whenever he brought the family to the country club for a meal, she would have to be careful what to order as anything more than a certain amount, he would deduct it from her household allowance. When the eldest child was not doing well in his studies, she wanted to engage a tutor but he refused saying that the child must learn to cope as hiring a tutor cost money.

What got her really angry was that he could play mahjong for hours and lost hundreds at a go, or dabble in shares and lost thousands without battling an eyelid, yet refused to even increase her household allowance, even though the children were getting bigger and so more expensive to maintain. He was so miserly that he would buy his own cleanser and moisturizer, then lock it in his drawer so no one else would use them.

I think that is a little too extreme. The guy was earning S$5,000.00 and held a country club membership! Surely it would not hurt to give the wife at least S$1,000.00 to S$2,000,00 per month, or somewhere in between? There are guys earning only S$3,000,00, but still gives the wife S$1,500.00 per month. And what for be so calculative and picky among your own spouse and children?

That is why a woman should not be too financially dependent on a guy. Whether she would be working full time or not, she should at least have some sort of income of her own. And she should always keep up with the times and never lose the skills she had learnt, so in case anything happens, it would be easier for her to go back to full-time work.

And a guy, being a family man or head of the family, is it not his responsibility to take care of his wife and kids? So if his wife chooses not to work, it is only right for him to maintain them in a comfortable fashion.

Of course, one should always spend within the means, but normally those with families make money for their families, not for themselves. How can anyone think S$200.00 a month for a wife and three children is even enough?

But I believe that guy is just one of a kind. Most people I know are pretty alright. They are thrifty, but not to the extent of overly stingy. Which is a good thing, because one should always make sure one has enough liquid assets to tide over in case of any difficult times.

Pen-Pals ....

I received a postcard from my old British pen-pal. So sweet that he still remembers me, even though he is now married with a son (incidentally with the name Thomas when I just got to know a Thomas last year).

Coincidentally he started off as my secondary school classmate's pen-pal. He is a very interesting person, so when my friend showed me his letter, I asked for his particulars and started writing to him. At that point in time, I did consider going to England to study, so I thought having a friend there would be useful.

Anyway he came down here a few years back and met up with both of us. We brought him to the zoo, Chinese Garden, Japanese Garden, Little India, Chinatown, eat spicy sea food and had drinks at Brewerkz, where I got so drunk that my friend had to call her boyfriend in the middle of watching a soccer game to come down in a cab to pick me up and bring me home. I felt so bad and kept apologising after that. Luckily she stayed just down the street from me so it was along the way for her anyway.

My own boyfriend at that time threw a tantrum and refused to come down after I called him on the basis that I went drinking and stayed out late without his permission, so he felt it served me right for getting myself into that state, thus just left me in the lurch.

But it was not as if I drank hard liquor like my friend and pen-pal. I only had a glass of Singapore Sling and yet I still got so drunk! I really must do something about being a heavier drinker.

But he was not the only pen-pal I had. In my teenage years when I was restricted from doing a lot of things by my very strict parents, I started making pen-friends. I am still doing that now, only thing is they are now "online" friends where we chat and e-mail each other instead of snail-mailing anymore.

Besides the one in England, I had pen-pals from Japan, Korea, Hong Kong, Malaysia (two in fact), America (two as well, plus I also wrote to a former teacher who left to study in the US), Sweden, Greece, Scotland, New Zealand and my cousin in Australia.

Of course, through the years, most of us stopped corresponding. I have lost touch with most of them after just a couple of years. After a while, people just stop writing or replying to your letters. The only ones I still hear from are the ones from England and Japan, which I received a letter from her some weeks ago and just sent out a reply.

I actually became very close to one of the Malaysian pen-pals, as we are of the same age, she also studied in a convent, she is also the eldest with two younger brothers, her parents are also strict and conservative Chinese people, thus we have lots of things in common and often wrote each other letters of five pages or so.

She went to study in the United States, and still sent me a postcard once in a while, but I have not heard from her for about five years now ever since she started working. She stayed on in the States to work, which I feel is a good choice, as at least she is earning US dollars and probably about five times what she will earn if she went back to work in Malaysia. I will so love to find out how she is doing and whether she is already married as the last I heard she was attached.

Those were good and fun days, for someone sheltered and perpetually grounded like me. Writing letters was a break from the monotony of school life and the humongous load of school work I had to do.

My only regret is that I did not manage to stay in touch with most of them. These people can become very valuable friends through the years, and for someone who plans to travel to almost all the countries in the world in her lifetime, it is good to have people you know in some of the countries.

Should A Good Writer Be Judged By His Conduct?

The lecture earlier on was on two very interesting topics - a fusion of philosophy and sonnets. I learnt about the difference between a valid and sound but not strong argument, and a valid and sound and strong argument.

For instance, there can be an argument that all islands are surrounded by water, and since Singapore is an island, therefore it is surrounded by water. A sound, valid and strong argument.

But there is the other example that all doctors I know drive BMWs, and since Susan is a doctor, thus she drives a BMW. This is not really a valid or strong argument, since it is just generalising.

The topic of discussion was actually on whether authors with "dark" backgrounds should be judged according to their works? Thus, if this author happened to be immoral, then should their books be banned so as not to have a bad influence on others?

But the thing is a good story determines a good author. So would the author's own private life be of any concern to the readers? To totally boycott a good story just because the author is immoral is really absurd.

There was an article that came out last year on J. M. Barrie, the author of Peter Pan. He took care of the five boys after the mother died, but there was speculation that he was a paedophile, although no evidence came to light.

One parent said that he would not want his daughter to read a book written by a supposed paedophile. Poor thing, she will miss out on such a good story. The thing is that a story is a story. Stories are there to entertain, to gain knowledge, to improve vocabulary and the language.

Stories are not there to promote the author's background or tell the character of the author. In that case, the author can just write an autobiography, not a story.

How many authors we know really lead clean good lives? Not many actually. Often, their private lives are just as colourful as their stories. William Shakespeare dumped his wife, had many mistresses (as evidenced in his sonnets), was involved in a threesome with a young man and a young woman, but he is still the greatest playwright England ever produced.

Oscar Wilde divorced his wife for his gay lover. Charles Dickens had many mistresses. Dante Gabriel Rosetti was a left-wing radical, a serial adulterer and a casanova. Does it mean they are not capable of producing good literary stuff worthy to read?

If anything, those greatest writers of all time probably led much "darker" lives than most normal people. That does not mean everyone has to boycott their stories just because the authors will influence us to be immoral.

We are reading a good piece of literature, a good book, a beautiful story, a nice poem or sonnet. We are not reading about the author's lives, and even if we are, we can always treat it as another story for entertainment.

So must we judge the works by authors who were deemed to be "immoral"? A story is a story, and good literature is good literature. We read for pleasure. It will be too ridiculous to even assume that if we read a story written by an immoral person, we will become immoral.

Likewise, it is also very ridiculous to have the thinking that if your child reads a story by a supposed paedophile, he / she will be molested.

If this argument stands true, then since I am a mean person, people should just stop reading what I write since people will become mean after reading my writings. :-p

Making A Police Report ....

I reached home after my lecture around 11:00pm just now, and the first thing I saw at the back window of my room were lights. I could hear drilling, machinery and smell dust and smoke.

I went to take my shower, and suddenly I heard an explosion, followed by a series of successive explosions. What in the world are those people doing at this hour of the night?

My brother and mum both looked irritated, and my brother kept saying that those workers are disturbing everyone, and what is so urgent that the road must be paved at this hour of the night?

So I asked if anyone has told them to stop whatever they were doing. My mum said probably nobody bothers, no matter how irritating the smell and sound is since everyone here is passive. People always wait for others, so in the end, no one gets anything done and the roadworks will continue causing public nuisance.

After that, I heard another series of explosions and cannot even smell anymore fresh air. So now there is not just noise pollution but air pollution as well.

I could not take it anymore. I called the police. Okay, I was being very mean by calling the police since those workers are just doing their jobs, but then again, who in the world does any road works and making so much noise at almost midnight?

When the call got through, I told the officer in charge that there are people doing road works outside my place, and it is very noisy with all the sound of drilling and machinery. I emphasized that it is not a complaint, but I would like to find out if those people have been given permission to pave the road at this hour of the night?

But if special permission has been given, then we should have been notified in advance so we could be prepared for it. In this case, no notice was given, and the noise and smell is really a nuisance.

The officer asked for my name and the area I am staying in. So I gave him my address, but chickened out at giving my name. He said it is alright if I like to remain anonymous, and said that he would get the police assigned to my area to check things out.

The roadworks are still on-going, and the noise is still there, and the air is still just as polluted. I feel rather bad at “complaining”, yet did not have the guts to leave my name, but my brother said that someone has to say something, and who knows, perhaps our neighbours will be grateful to me. Hmmm……

Well….. I hope if they are asked to stop work, they will never find out who gave them away. I sure do not wish to get into trouble with the wrong type of people!

Honesty Is (Still) The Best Policy

I received news today that I have been “promoted”! Not exactly a promotion in that I am still at the same rank with the same job title, and drawing the same salary, except with twice the work.

Not that I do not welcome the extra workload though, I always prefer to be occupied rather than having lapse of free time with nothing much to do. But if the company is going to pile me with more things, will it not be fairer if I am given more incentives? :-(

My friend and I were having an interesting discussion on our way back from chorus practice yesterday (Tuesday actually). She was remarking why is it that the nicer one is to someone, the more aloof that person gets. She has feelings for this guy and trying to be so nice to him, but the guy is so distant.

Worse is that he can be so nice one day, so aloof the next, totally distant yet another day, then back to being nice again. In other words, putting her on an emotional roller-coaster. Her situation seems so similar to someone else I know.

I told her to just give up and stop wasting her time. The thing I notice is that, be it guys or girls, if you really do not feel comfortable about someone being nice to you, why not just say so? Do not beat around the bush and play with other’s feelings and making the poor fellow wonder what in the world is going on.

I guess perhaps most people will not have the guts to tell the person straight. It can be because they do not wish to hurt a nice person, or may not like to spoil a good friendship, or they simply have no idea what is the best way to say it.

Or, in a worse way, they may be secretly happy that someone is paying so much attention to them, and wish for the person to continue doing so, without realizing (or perhaps realizing but not caring) that the person is feeling so miserable not knowing where to go from there.

Whatever reason it is, if they do not make things clear and continue leaving others hanging, will the situation not be worse? The least they need to worry about is whether it will spoil a friendship, because if one really likes someone else, he / she will still want to remain friends even if the feelings are not reciprocated.

If he / she is going to be so petty as to not even remain friends, then it is questionable how true the feelings are in the first place. In which case, perhaps it is best the friendship ends as people are not broad-minded enough to accept the fact.

On the other hand, if you leave the person hanging and keep playing with his / her feelings, the poor fellow may get into a big emotional mess and he / she will emerge more hurt than if the truth is told. That will definitely spoil a good friendship more than anything else.

Luckily (or unluckily, depending on how one perceives), I have never been in this situation where a friend declares his feelings for me but I do not feel the same. Thus, I have never been caught in a situation where I have to reject a friend’s advances but worry whether he will still be my friend. My relationships were all based on mutual feelings.

Those who have told me they are attracted to me (and later only followed by insinuations of sex), I rejected them upfront. Of course, there are those whom no matter how many times you tell them straight, they still continue their pursuits, but that is a different story altogether.

Just as well these are the people I do not really wish to talk to, so even if the friendship is spoilt, it does not really affect me as these are the ones I do not wish to socialize with in the first place.

So I feel that people should just be honest and come upfront about how they feel. If they really do not like a person, tell him / her straight rather than leading him / her on. Do not worry about spoiling a friendship. If the person is a true friend, he / she will not let such an incident get in the way of a friendship.

Is It Better To Love Or To Be Loved?

Valentine’s Day saw restaurants fully booked and more couples on the streets than per normal. Some of those couples (mainly the younger ones) were carrying big bouquets of flowers and soft toys or gifts. Seeing these sights, I could not help but smile to myself as a wave of nostalgia swept over me.

The friend I was going home with was remarking that local adults in general do not seem to have the type of courtship or romance which younger people have. She feels that people our age are just too practical. But her opinion is that this is one special day which she will be willing to splurge and celebrate if she has a partner.

That I agree. Although for a couple, everyday should be a Valentine’s Day, but on the day itself, it should be more special. Just like everyday can be Christmas, all the joy, cheer and giving, but it gets more special during Christmas itself.

She thinks local guys our age are too practical and not willing to go the extra mile for their girlfriends. That I agree too, at least to a large extent. I guess it is to do with their upbringings. A lot of local guys my generation and younger are too pampered.

They are brought up thinking the world of themselves, and become rather self-centred, with the mentality that if the girl loves them, she would have to do everything for them. But what makes them think girls are not brought up the same way?

My friends and me are also brought up with the belief that if the guy really loves us, he will be willing to do everything for us. And my friends really adhere to this. The guys they are with must really treat them like queens otherwise they will end the relationship.

My mum and cousin has been telling me to find someone who really loves me, because then he will be really into me, and do everything he can to keep the relationship. My mum said this is the type of guy that can be kept for life as it shows he will be responsible enough to provide for me and our family.

I used to think it does not matter. Love should not be calculative, so does it really matter who loves who more? Which was why my mum used to be angry with me for always doing so much for the guy.

She always tells me that if I am the one always doing so much, the guy will take me for granted one of these days. If the guy really loves me, he will be willing to do more for me without even asking.

I am still skeptical over this, as I still maintain that there should not be a measure of who gives more in a relationship. Despite all my heartache and pain, I still believe in making the person I love truly happy by doing everything I can.

Is it really better to be loved than to love then? Debatable actually. I still think love itself is already the best thing in the world, and the best feeling in the world, despite all the complications that come with it.

But I do believe I will be the happiest and luckiest person on earth if a guy can ever do more for me than I have ever done for him, because that shows he is really serious in making the relationship work. Then I know I will definitely be happy with this person.

Of Cross-Stitching And Embroidery

I came across a cross-stitch kit the other day while cleaning out my drawers. I thought I do not have anymore of those, as I gave most of them away, but apparently, I still have that. It is the picture of a Mickey and Minnie Mouse sitting on a crescent moon and being in love.

Come to think of it, now I remember I was supposed to make that for a certain someone if we ever celebrate our first Christmas, but it looks like it has to remain unmade for now, until another person worthy of my affection comes along whom I am willing to stitch that for.

I started cross-stitching when I was in lower primary, when my aunt gave me my first cross-stitch kit. It was a small kit, and she gave it to all us girls and made it a competition among us cousins on who could complete it the fastest and nicest.

I could not remember how much she gave me though, and I threw that first cross-stitch I ever made away when we shifted house. What a pity. I should have kept it with me since that was the one that started me cross-stitching.

After that I went on to bigger kits. My mum bought me one with the design of a girl and a house, with the words “Welcome To Our Happy Home”, and asked me to stitch it so she could hang it on one of the walls of our house.

Then I bought a few more kits. One was a pair of love birds, which I initially wanted to give to my guy of the moment for our first Christmas, but once I completed it, my mum asked me to give it to my cousin who was getting married then. So she wrapped it up and I passed it to my cousin who loved it a lot. Which meant I had to make another one for my guy.

A week before that Christmas, I bought another one with the picture of two teddy bears – a male bear giving flowers to a female bear. I spent many sleepless nights completing it in time for Christmas, and stitched in a little love message as well. I gave it to him on the day itself, but all he said was cross-stitching was a waste of time; if I must sew, then sew something for him from scratch.

A few years after that, I bought the same kit with the picture of the love birds and made it for the guy of the moment one Valentine’s Day. At least he was so happy that he hung it outside his cupboard so that “everyone could see” in his words.

Some years later, I bought a few more kits. This time, I upgraded from the round basket-like thing to the cloth thing. Cross-stitching on the cloth is even harder than stitching on the basket, because the cloth is of much softer material. There was another round cross-stitch with the picture of two rabbits – a male rabbit hugging a female rabbit.

I finished that in record time and gave to my guy of the moment for our first Valentine’s Day. While I was doing the finishing touches, his mum came in and asked why must I do that, since he had no space to put it anyway? But he liked it a lot though and managed to find a space – behind his cupboard.

The cloth kits I bought consisted of a Tweety bird with Chinese costume, holding up a banner with the Chinese character “Fu” (meaning “luck”). The other two are Winnie the Poohs which can be made into clocks.

I completed all three one Christmas, had them framed up, gave the Tweety (with a copper frame) to my ex’s mum, gave one of the clocks (with a black frame) to him, and kept the other clock (with a pink frame) for myself.

My own personal favourite cross-stitch design is that of a boy and girl sitting under a tree, with a little bird in the tree, and the girl holding on to a dog. I had never started on that, which means it must still be somewhere in my room. I had that ever since I was in upper primary, but somehow never started on it.

I like that because I thought that would be what love would be like, and kept telling myself to make it and give it to a special someone on our first anniversary in the future. Hmmmm….. that plan never materialized. Perhaps that is a sign I have not met the absolute special one yet.

Cross-stitching has been a big part of my life, but through cross-stitching, I learnt to appreciate embroidery as well. This came about during Home Economics class in lower secondary, where our first assignment was to make a patchwork bag with embroidered designs.

Then during the school holidays of that year, the Home Economics teacher gave us an assignment to embroider a table cloth. I went home and worked on the table cloth throughout the holidays (with some help from my mum), and when I went back to school the following year, somehow I was the only one who actually did the assignment.

Nevertheless, I showed the table cloth to my teacher, who was so impressed that she took the cloth and showed it to the ‘O’ level Home Economics students, in order to “shame them”, in her words. Ever since then, my mum will use the table cloth every Chinese New Year.

The next Home Economics assignment was to embroider a baby’s sun dress. Once that was completed, my teacher selected mine and displayed it to the whole school as part of Home Craft Day. I took it back after the display, and since then, it had stayed in my cupboard until now.

It is very fun doing things like this. It gives one a sense of achievement too, as from a round basket or a white cloth that has absolutely nothing, suddenly a nice design materialized from your own hands. That feeling is just inexplicably warm, all the more so if you make it for a loved one. It is truly better to give than to receive.

Do Job Professions Matter?

I always find it amusing when I was registering at this dating website just for fun a few years back, the guys who came talk to me did so because I stated my profession as a “teacher”. Interesting people I came across.

Some said their fantasy is to make love to a teacher, some said they want a girlfriend or wife who is a teacher as teachers love children so will not mind giving birth to a lot, some said teachers are reserved and dowdy people, so to get a teacher to be wild is something exciting and challenging.

Needless to say, I stopped replying to all these. Sometimes I wonder if guys think girls who register on these dating websites are only out for flings? I really envy my friends who are able to find true love through cyberspace, since I only seem to meet the wrong kind of people.

I registered on the website just to expand my horizons as I just got out of a relationship and it was during the school holidays. My best friend met one of her exs through this website, so I decided to just give it a go. How was I to know this seemed to be a breeding ground for pests? Despite that, I did meet a few nice guys who are now my close friends, like K.

What I am amused about is that most of those guys who reply did so based on my profession. My photo, personality and hobbies are all stated, yet they did not bother reading the rest, and just started contacting me because I was a teacher. Is the type of job a girl is in one of the factors a guy looks for?

And why teachers anyway? I have guys who tell me teachers make the perfect girlfriend and wife. Is that so? How can teachers make the perfect partner if they are so busy with their work that they have practically no time for anything else?

When I tell them that teachers need a partner who is very understanding and not too demanding on his / her time, they were all taken aback. People always assume that teachers are very free. Not true! I actually have more of a life now that I am no longer teaching.

The thing is that not many people can understand that teachers are very busy and highly-stressed professionals. They are doing so much more work than most other normal professions, yet face more problems and paid much lesser. Which is why there is a high number of teachers who are single and never found partners. There simply is no time to go socialize around.

Those teachers who were attached before they entered the profession, in a lot of cases their relationship ended soon after, as the partner could not understand why he / she always had no time for her / him. Of course, some broke up for other reasons, but in most cases, they broke up due to time constraints.

Those who were not attached when they entered the profession, most of them remained unattached for life. A sad thing. And those who managed to get married ended up spending more time with other’s kids and families than their own. Another sad thing.

Thus, most teachers ended up marrying other teachers. Most of them met during their teacher training days, some met through school functions. But more often than not, it takes someone from the same profession to really understand each other, which is why teachers are each other’s perfect matches.

But teachers are not the only ones high up on a guy’s preferential girlfriend list. Nurses come close too. These guys are of the opinion that since these two professions are very “caring” in nature, so the girls who are in these lines normally make good girlfriends.

It is just stereotyping. A profession or a job is just that – a job. Some people take their jobs as their lives, but in most cases, most of us are separate from our jobs and ourselves. How I behaved towards my students was what was required in my job. I definitely do not behave the same way outside of school.

In fact, I do believe some teachers look for a guy who can take care of them, since they spend almost all their waking hours being care-givers to others. So when they go home or meet people, they will like to be the ones being taken care of at times, and who can blame them?

Girls have their own preference too. A lot of my friends want a guy who is a doctor or a lawyer or an engineer or an architect. Why? Because these people will be able to earn enough to give them a comfortable life. Perhaps, but then I always maintain that money is not everything.

But is profession such a big deal anyway? So does that mean that if I remain as a teacher, I can get more guys? But judging from the type of guys, I thank my lucky stars that I do not get to meet any more of them. And nowadays whenever I meet new guys, the first question my friends will ask is about his profession. What is the big deal?

It does not matter to me as long as both parties are in a decent job making an honest living. Does it mean that someone who is an engineer is any less qualified than someone who is a lawyer or a doctor? Or someone who is a business manager is less qualified than someone who is an architect?

Of course not. What matters is whether the person is a good and nice enough person to be with, and not just someone who only asks for flings. That is what most of the guys I meet nowadays do not understand.

FM - The Pianist

From the title, you can guess why I like this show. If I recalled, the show did not create such a big hype in the beginning, and only after through word of mouth that people flocked to watch the show. I went to watch because of the title, and I was told there were a few nice classical songs.

At that point in time, I did not even know who Adrien Brody was. But after I watched the show, I started to gush about it and recommended it to all my friends. This was one of those times when I entered a cinema not expecting much but in the end the movie exceeded my wildest expectations.

I always wondered why this show did not win Best Picture. If I recall, that year’s Best Picture went to “Chicago”, which deserved the win as well. The male lead in “The Pianist” Adrien Brody won Best Actor that year, and he really deserved it as he really portrayed the character very well.

No other contenders for Best Actor that year even came close to his stupendous performance. He was the one that carried the entire show throughout, and it was this show that enabled him to rise to almost, if not already, A-list status.

“The Pianist” is more than another typical war epic. Most other war epics were on soldiers and fighting against the enemies. But this entire show was on just one man, a Polish Jew, struggling for survival during the Holocaust known as the second World War in Europe.

He became so famous because during the era where most of the Jews were exterminated, he alone managed to survive throughout, went into hiding at various places, yet was never discovered and killed. He really had to thank his God, as it was through His grace that he was helped by his fellow Jews, then his Polish friends, and finally a German high-ranking officer.

Adrien Brody really acted well in the show. The piano pieces (mostly of Frederic Chopin’s best works, since he himself was Polish) were mostly played by himself. If only I can play like that! He spent fourteen hours a day practicing the piano before the filming started.

His character went from a professional pianist at Warsaw Radio to a poor guy when his family were forced to move into the Jewish ghettos, then through a help from one of the Jewish soldiers, he was the only one saved when his family were carted away to be killed at concentration camps.

Then he went back to his old neighbourhood, only to find almost everyone dead. He was later taken on by the German army as a labourer and made to construct buildings. He escaped one night and went to find a former colleague of his who put him up in an empty apartment.

He stayed there for quite a while and his friends would visit and bring him food and water once in a while. When the building he was in was shelled, he ran away again and sought shelter in a row of houses which had been burnt down, where he was discovered and helped by the German officer until the end of the war.

This show was based on the tragic true life experiences during the war of Wladyslaw Szpilman, a Polish Jew and pianist during the second World War. I find the movie so good as it shows the extent of the Jewish discrimination and extermination by the Germans, the strength of one man who wanted to survive against all odds, and the suffering he had to endure just to live even when the rest of his family had been killed.

It was a very real movie about the war and the fight for survival. The show also captured the audience’s attention. I remember while watching the show, I was hoping that he could be saved soon, and the war would end.

I felt hurt and pain for the Jews who were unjustly treated, anger at the Germans for cruelly abusing the Jews, gratitude for the German officer who took a big risk in helping him, relief when the war finally ended and he could go back to his normal life, and awe and appreciation whenever he belted out some tunes on the piano.

After the show, I bought the soundtrack and score book. All the songs in the soundtrack (with the exception of one) were played by Wladyslaw Szpilman himself, accompanied by the Warsaw Philharmonic Orchestra, all played to perfection. In some versions, some other pianist played but it sounded just as good.

Up to now, I can still hear Chopin’s “Nocturne in C-sharp Minor” running through my head. I have been playing the songs as and when I can find the time, but I need lots more practice to perfect those songs. Chopin’s songs are not easy, so really hats off to Adrien Brody who was able to play the songs to perfection.

To get a feel of how Chopin’s songs sound like, here are some songs from the movie and soundtrack :

1. Nocturne in E minor, Opus 72 Number 1
2. Ballade Number 2 in F Major, Opus 38
3. Ballade Number 1 in G minor, Opus 23
4. Waltz Number 3 in A minor, Opus 34 Number 2
5. Prelude in E minor, Opus 28 Number 4
6. Andante Spianato (preceding Grande Polonaise, Opus 22)
7. Mazurka in A minor, Opus 17 Number 4

Hope you enjoy them!

A Valentine's Story ....

A long long time ago, on St Valentine’s Eve, in a galaxy far far away …. (well, not quite)

Girl : It is our first Valentine’s Day tomorrow. Will you be bringing me somewhere?

Guy : My classes will end early. I will be bowling with my classmates. You want to meet me there?

Girl : Oh... ok, which bowling alley will you be going?

Guy : Don’t you know which one I go to?

Girl : I know, but since you will be with your friends, I thought you may go somewhere else.

Guy : Then come find me. I don’t need to tell you everything. If you think you are smart enough, you can come find me on your own.

The next day, V-Day itself, the girl met the guy at the bowling alley. She waved to him when she caught his eye, but he did not even acknowledge her presence and continued coaching a female classmate on the right technique to hold a bowling ball. The girl wanted to bowl too, but did not want another tongue-lashing from the guy on not being able to bowl well.

There was a paper bag consisting of a gift and a bouquet of flowers next to the guy’s bag. The girl’s heart took a leap, and was really ecstatic as she for sure did not expect that. Then, one of the female classmates had to leave for a date, so she changed back into her shoes and took her things, including that particular paper bag. The girl’s hope was dashed.

The guy continued bowling for another hour, totally ignoring the girl. When he was finally done, they went out of the bowling alley …. and into the nearest hawker centre. The guy said he had nothing to give her, so he should order food for her, and ordered whatever he liked to eat. He asked if the girl could pay since he spent all his money on bowling.

The girl felt like crying, but decided not to spoil the night with her tantrums. After dinner, the girl gave the guy a very meaningful gift – an antique heart-shaped gold pocket watch, which she scrimped and saved since Christmas and hunted the whole island just to get for him. She specially had his name and a love message engraved on the inside cover of the watch. He took a look and scolded her for wasting her money on something he did not need.

They then took a slow walk around the Singapore River, where the guy kept telling her about a particular female classmate whom he so admired, and asked the girl to follow in her footsteps as he would like his girlfriend to be as pretty and elegant and smart as that classmate.

That was the girl’s very first Valentine’s Day, a day which she had waited in anticipation and looked forward to for eighteen years. Yet, when the day finally arrived, it became one of the worst days in her life.

She went home that night crying and sobbed the whole night through, and kept cursing herself for bringing the misery upon herself, as if she had not kept the date, she would have just gone home and started on her tutorials and spent a peaceful night instead.

Two years later ….

The same girl with a different guy, again celebrating their first Valentine’s Day. The scene : A high-class restaurant. The girl was holding a big bouquet of roses in one hand. The guy gave her a crystal heart-shaped necklace, complete with matching earrings, and she gave him a football jersey of his favourite team, which she again scoured the whole island for it.

Girl : This place looks expensive. And plus all the things you gave me, I worry for your pocket.

Guy : Anything for you, my dear. As long as you like it, I want this night to be your most memorable night.

Girl : This will definitely be my most memorable night. It is practically a dream come true ....

Guy : Remember, you are the first girl who ever made me feel this way about any one. Please do not ever leave me. I love you so much that I never ever want to lose you.

Girl : I promise ….. Of course I will never ever leave you.

A pity he never did promise not to leave her. Thus, six Valentine’s Days came and gone …. and one day, the girl’s hopes were dashed again.

Eight years after that memorable night …..

St Valentine’s again, and the girl was spending the first Valentine’s Day with yet a different guy. Come to think of it, this girl is really fickle, right? ;-p

The venue : at the guy’s place. He prepared a whole dish of stewed beef for her. She never liked stewed beef, but took it for his sake since it was a commendable effort on his part.

Girl : This is delicious! You are a good cook!

Guy : I whip up my own dishes whenever my parents are not around.

Girl : Hmmmm ….. most delicious Valentine’s meal I have ever partaken.

Guy : Maybe because it is made from LOVE.

Girl : Really? Then I must whip up something for you the next weekend then.

Guy : Ok, I’m really looking forward to it!

Now, many years later after that first ill-fated Valentine’s Day, the girl is all alone, staring at the computer, not having a date to spend the day with. She thinks of all her friends who have found love or new love, and spending the first (or many) Valentine’s Day together, and feels a slight twinge of pain.

But she is not giving up. She believes that somewhere, somehow, someone will be there for her, and perhaps by the next Valentine’s Day, she will again be spending another first Valentine’s Day with someone who truly loves her.

"The supreme happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved" ~ Victor Hugo

"A lover's eyes will gaze an eagle blind; A lover's ear will hear the lowest sound." ~ William Shakespeare

"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart." ~ Helen Keller

"Love does not make the world go round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile." ~ Franklin P. Jones

"Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction." ~ Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Wishing one and all a very good Valentine's Day, be it with friends, family, loved ones or just enjoying on your own!

Are Arts Students Less Intelligent?

A friend was asking me the other day why did I choose to do Arts when I could do other more intelligent courses. A strange question actually, as in what does it mean by an “intelligent” course anyway? And what is so “unintelligent” about the course I am going to take?

If taking Arts and Humanities is considered as “not as intelligent” than those taking Science and Engineering, then fine, I am not intelligent, not that I ever said I am intelligent in the first place.

But it is sad to see the stereotypical narrow-minded mindset of people that those who went to the Arts stream are goners. They will never have a bright future, and they will forever lose out in results and future career prospects.

All the top secondary schools now have only Science streams, no Arts. Only the neighbourhood schools still have Arts stream, but only one or two classes, and it is always those with the worst results that got streamed to the Arts classes.

With “reputation” like this, it is no wonder Arts students got ostracized as not being “intelligent”. Afterall, one does not see the Normal stream pupils doing science; more often than not they have to take Arts.

Even for university entrance, those who can just make the grade can only enter the Arts faculty, whereas those who got accepted into the Science faculty have to score one notch higher. Thus most parents will want their kids to do Science so they can score better and have better choices.

What makes people think that Humanities subjects are that easy to study anyway? Perhaps science involves complicating formulas and concepts, thus only people with near-genius IQs are able to do well as only very smart people can grasp the concepts.

I know I cannot, which explains why I am not smart. That is not to say that all those who did Arts are unintelligent. I have friends who majored in Arts, and they are really intelligent too.

People think that Humanities subjects only require memory work, so anyone with a good memory is able to do it. One does not need intelligence to memorise things. That is so not true! It involves more than memory work! It involves analyzing, critiquing, arguing, different points of view, looking at things and issues from an objective point.

Mere memorizing or rote-learning does not help if one is not able to use the sequence of events or points involved to bring across one’s own point of view objectively and convincingly. For instance, the fact is that Raffles founded Singapore, but anyone can argue that he did not “found” Singapore, since the island already existed long before he even stepped on its shores.

That is what makes Humanities interesting, as there is no fixed right or wrong answer, unlike in Mathematics where one either gets the formula right or wrong. But in Humanities, there can be a broad spectrum of answers, and no one can ever fail as long as they are able to argue their point convincingly.

On the other hand, because the answer is not fixed, thus most people find it very hard to score well in those subjects. So I think those who can score well for Humanities subjects are actually the most intelligent of the lot, since they are able to do subjects which most people are not able to.

Now if Humanities students are really deemed as not intelligent, then why do the premier junior colleges offer Humanities Scholarships and these scholars enter specialized Humanities programmes of the schools?

There has never been a Science scholarship for science programmes. Or perhaps the Humanities Scholarships are to attract pupils to apply for the Arts stream, since most students would apply for the Science stream anyway.

People think getting a Humanities scholarship is so easy. They think that anyone who chooses to do Arts will be able to get the scholarship. I wonder where they get the idea from? Like every scholarship, its criterias are very strict, so those who can actually receive the scholarship in the first place are normally the crème de la crème of ‘O’ level students.

Thus those taking Arts are not necessarily lower-scorers or less intelligent. If anything, they are probably more intelligent to be able to do such subjects so proficiently. How I wish I can be half as good. I really must learn how Humanities majors manage to score so well in their examinations.

Love Story With A Twist

My first brother is leaving again after my cousin's wedding this week, so I decided to bring him to watch a movie yesterday as a last get-together. Thus after meeting a friend for lunch, I met him at the mall where my mum brought my brothers for a meal of western cuisine.

We initially wanted to watch just one movie, "Brokeback Mountain", but since time allowed, we squeezed in another movie, "Casanova", as well. Come to think of it, I actually watched two shows starring Heath Ledger in a day. Not bad actually, although I would much prefer it if it is Brad Pitt or Orlando Bloom.

Heath Ledger is quite versatile. While in "Brokeback Mountain" he plays a gruff, silent cowboy who has messed-up emotions but remained true to his true love, in "Casanova" he is a suave, charming playboy who has just as messed-up emotions but changed for the one woman he really fell for.

The two movies are of different genres (one a heart-wrenching drama and the other a light-hearted romantic comedy), but one element that is common to both shows is love. In "Brokeback Mountain", the movie conveys a message that true love can transcend even genders, and one does not know how to really treasure one's love until he is gone.

In "Casanova", he finally finds it meaningless to conquer so many women, and decide to turn over a new leaf and be faithful to the one woman he truly loves. He goes so far as to be willing to die for her, and that was when the lady in question realises he is true to her.

Heath Ledger's character (Ennis) in "Brokeback Mountain" knows his feelings for Jack Gyllenhaal's character (Jack) is true, but he tried to suppress them in light of social discrimination, and led a normal life with a wife and two daughters, until she divorced him for a richer man.

Jack married the daughter of a rich man and they have a son. However the two guys never let go of their feelings for each other, and looked forward to the yearly rendezvous back in Brokeback Mountain where they could then consummate their love for each other, while telling their wives they were off "fishing" or "hunting".

The end of the movie really brought tears in my eyes as it was on Ennis receiving the news of Jack's death, and he started to regret the way he treated Jack so shabbily (often refusing his requests to meet up more often by giving numerous excuses so as not to be found out). He realised just how much he loved Jack only after he is gone.

The entire movie is essentially a love story, the couple in question quarrels like any other couple. There is jealousy, adultery, passion, torture on the little time they manage to get away and meet each other, joy and happiness taht the partner has divorced, craving and pining for each other, tears and hysterics when they separate.

In other words, there are all the petty tiffs and everything that a couple truly in love will do, except this couple in question are both of the same gender. Normally in an unorthodox relationship such as this, one will think that one of them is the more masculine and the other the more effeminate, but in this case it is not true.

Both guys are as manly as can be. They are good husbands, good fathers, good providers and care-givers to the family. Even when Ennis divorced and his ex-wife got the custody of the girls, he would still yearn to see them, take them out and spend time with them.

Jack teaches his son how to ride the tractor, disciplines him when need be, and assets his authority as the head of the family. Thus this is not just a love story between two men, but two "real" men, which makes it so special.

If this story happens in modern times, it will be no big deal because people of the same gender can fall in love and be with each other. But it was a forbidden love for the two guys as it was set in early 1960s to late 1970s America where love between people of the same gender was still practically unheard of, which was why they felt so tormented.

Despite the movie being uncut, there is hardly any nudity or sexual scenes, no more than most other normal shows. Thus, perhaps the 'R' rating may be a bit too harsh. Maybe the content of the show warrants an 'R' rating due to not wanting minors to be exposed to the overall message, but then kids these days have been exposed to worse things anyway.

But if a show this controversial can be allowed to be screened here, it shows that our local society is finally opening up, then in which case, I do not see why it should not be a M-18 or NC-16 rating.

The show itself is slow-moving, but the message, emotions and acting skills deserve the win at the Golden Globes. Although where Oscars are concerned, I will hope for "Walk The Line" to win as it is a real excellent show, possibly the best of the Oscars contenders.

But then, if "Brokeback Mountain" is not on two men in love but just an ordinary love story involving an ordinary man and woman involved in a tryst, will it have done just as well, I wonder?

Shanghai Night!

My company's dinner last night was at the Grand Shanghai restaurant. The theme was 1930s Shanghai, thus we were asked to wear something oriental. There are still people who did not adhere to the dress code. Not able to find something oriental to wear is fine, but for a dinner, one should at least dress accordingly. There were people coming in T-shirt and jeans!

I wonder what our big Boss will say, seeing that he himself was in a formal suit, and the foreign guests all wore suits (for men) and evening gowns (for ladies). I feel that as employees, although we need not outshine the bosses in the clothes department, but at least wear something suitable for the occasion so as to give the due respect.

I was at the restaurant about 3:30pm. We were given a room behind the restaurant to change and makeup. The makeup artists arrived at about 4:00pm, and I happened to be the first to do my makeup and hair. Then I changed into the costume and we started rehearsing. At 6:00pm, we drummers went to help out at the reception.

It was a big event. We hired a host together with his own deejay, and a mini-Chinese Orchestra to keep us entertained while eating. The drums were the first segment, so we went on stage immediately after our big Boss finished his speech. I must say I was rather nervous as where I was on the stage, I was facing my superior directly. Luckily I managed to carry the whole thing through.

After the drumming, we went back to the room and I changed into my red and gold ensemble. The top fits me rather snugly, but the skirt was too long and loose that I had to use a belt inside. Hmmmm, if my mum's clothes can fit me well, then I really need to lose weight!

The food was good, although I missed the first two courses, the "Lo Hei" (now what is that in English?) and shark's fin soup. But if the shark's fin soup is authentic, then I am glad I gave it a miss!

After the fourth course, there was a fashion show, put up by twelve ladies of the company. It was like a fashion show, the models strutted on stage, went to mingle with the guests, went back and came out changed into another costume in record time, and finally all gathered on stage for the last pose.

After that, the deejay called for the five finalists for the Best-Dressed contest. Five guys and five ladies were called up. I was rather surprised I was one of those called, but on the other hand, no one else wore what I wore.

Each lady had to choose one of the five guys to be her partner. I chose this guy in authentic old oriental gear, complete with the "skirt" and vest. Incidentally, he is rather good-looking, but a pity he is married with two kids.

What we had to do was to dance and pose, then the VIPs (the bosses) would then vote for the best-dressed male and female respectively. The guy who partnered me won for the Best-Dressed Male, which was expected as there was really no competition, considering the rest of the guys wore only an oriental top with normal pants.

It was hard to choose the girls though, since ladies know how to dress. The judges could not decide, so the deejay decided to vote on popularity. The audience had to cheer each time his hand went above the head of the lady, and the one who got the loudest cheer won. The prize was finally given to this lady in an authentic 1930s Shanghai-style cheongsam, complete with the lace and shawl.

It was a fun and enjoyable night. Although I did not win anything, be it the Best-Dressed prize or the lucky draws, I really enjoyed myself. I hope I stay in the company long enough, then I can get to enjoy another formal dinner next year!