I received news today that I have been “promoted”! Not exactly a promotion in that I am still at the same rank with the same job title, and drawing the same salary, except with twice the work.
Not that I do not welcome the extra workload though, I always prefer to be occupied rather than having lapse of free time with nothing much to do. But if the company is going to pile me with more things, will it not be fairer if I am given more incentives? :-(
My friend and I were having an interesting discussion on our way back from chorus practice yesterday (Tuesday actually). She was remarking why is it that the nicer one is to someone, the more aloof that person gets. She has feelings for this guy and trying to be so nice to him, but the guy is so distant.
Worse is that he can be so nice one day, so aloof the next, totally distant yet another day, then back to being nice again. In other words, putting her on an emotional roller-coaster. Her situation seems so similar to someone else I know.
I told her to just give up and stop wasting her time. The thing I notice is that, be it guys or girls, if you really do not feel comfortable about someone being nice to you, why not just say so? Do not beat around the bush and play with other’s feelings and making the poor fellow wonder what in the world is going on.
I guess perhaps most people will not have the guts to tell the person straight. It can be because they do not wish to hurt a nice person, or may not like to spoil a good friendship, or they simply have no idea what is the best way to say it.
Or, in a worse way, they may be secretly happy that someone is paying so much attention to them, and wish for the person to continue doing so, without realizing (or perhaps realizing but not caring) that the person is feeling so miserable not knowing where to go from there.
Whatever reason it is, if they do not make things clear and continue leaving others hanging, will the situation not be worse? The least they need to worry about is whether it will spoil a friendship, because if one really likes someone else, he / she will still want to remain friends even if the feelings are not reciprocated.
If he / she is going to be so petty as to not even remain friends, then it is questionable how true the feelings are in the first place. In which case, perhaps it is best the friendship ends as people are not broad-minded enough to accept the fact.
On the other hand, if you leave the person hanging and keep playing with his / her feelings, the poor fellow may get into a big emotional mess and he / she will emerge more hurt than if the truth is told. That will definitely spoil a good friendship more than anything else.
Luckily (or unluckily, depending on how one perceives), I have never been in this situation where a friend declares his feelings for me but I do not feel the same. Thus, I have never been caught in a situation where I have to reject a friend’s advances but worry whether he will still be my friend. My relationships were all based on mutual feelings.
Those who have told me they are attracted to me (and later only followed by insinuations of sex), I rejected them upfront. Of course, there are those whom no matter how many times you tell them straight, they still continue their pursuits, but that is a different story altogether.
Just as well these are the people I do not really wish to talk to, so even if the friendship is spoilt, it does not really affect me as these are the ones I do not wish to socialize with in the first place.
So I feel that people should just be honest and come upfront about how they feel. If they really do not like a person, tell him / her straight rather than leading him / her on. Do not worry about spoiling a friendship. If the person is a true friend, he / she will not let such an incident get in the way of a friendship.
Not that I do not welcome the extra workload though, I always prefer to be occupied rather than having lapse of free time with nothing much to do. But if the company is going to pile me with more things, will it not be fairer if I am given more incentives? :-(
My friend and I were having an interesting discussion on our way back from chorus practice yesterday (Tuesday actually). She was remarking why is it that the nicer one is to someone, the more aloof that person gets. She has feelings for this guy and trying to be so nice to him, but the guy is so distant.
Worse is that he can be so nice one day, so aloof the next, totally distant yet another day, then back to being nice again. In other words, putting her on an emotional roller-coaster. Her situation seems so similar to someone else I know.
I told her to just give up and stop wasting her time. The thing I notice is that, be it guys or girls, if you really do not feel comfortable about someone being nice to you, why not just say so? Do not beat around the bush and play with other’s feelings and making the poor fellow wonder what in the world is going on.
I guess perhaps most people will not have the guts to tell the person straight. It can be because they do not wish to hurt a nice person, or may not like to spoil a good friendship, or they simply have no idea what is the best way to say it.
Or, in a worse way, they may be secretly happy that someone is paying so much attention to them, and wish for the person to continue doing so, without realizing (or perhaps realizing but not caring) that the person is feeling so miserable not knowing where to go from there.
Whatever reason it is, if they do not make things clear and continue leaving others hanging, will the situation not be worse? The least they need to worry about is whether it will spoil a friendship, because if one really likes someone else, he / she will still want to remain friends even if the feelings are not reciprocated.
If he / she is going to be so petty as to not even remain friends, then it is questionable how true the feelings are in the first place. In which case, perhaps it is best the friendship ends as people are not broad-minded enough to accept the fact.
On the other hand, if you leave the person hanging and keep playing with his / her feelings, the poor fellow may get into a big emotional mess and he / she will emerge more hurt than if the truth is told. That will definitely spoil a good friendship more than anything else.
Luckily (or unluckily, depending on how one perceives), I have never been in this situation where a friend declares his feelings for me but I do not feel the same. Thus, I have never been caught in a situation where I have to reject a friend’s advances but worry whether he will still be my friend. My relationships were all based on mutual feelings.
Those who have told me they are attracted to me (and later only followed by insinuations of sex), I rejected them upfront. Of course, there are those whom no matter how many times you tell them straight, they still continue their pursuits, but that is a different story altogether.
Just as well these are the people I do not really wish to talk to, so even if the friendship is spoilt, it does not really affect me as these are the ones I do not wish to socialize with in the first place.
So I feel that people should just be honest and come upfront about how they feel. If they really do not like a person, tell him / her straight rather than leading him / her on. Do not worry about spoiling a friendship. If the person is a true friend, he / she will not let such an incident get in the way of a friendship.
2 comments:
situation can be tricky if both parties are in the same workplace. On one side, he/she doesn't like her or even don't wish to forge a friendship.
On the other side, they are in the same workplace. So, they still have to a relationship, though it's a professional r/s. In here, things can easily misunderstood.
Is the person nice because of a friendship, feeling of like, or juz professional attitude ?
It's difficult to answer.
--phoenich
Phoenich : Difficult to answer indeed, but I still maintain that people should just come straight instead of going around the bush.
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