I need some time off to seriously sort out my emotional state of mind. A lot of things have suddenly happened that they are all overwhelming me. I need to be clear on how exactly I feel and to unknot this state of confusion I am feeling right now. A wrong choice can prove to be painful, as have experienced various other times.
I first saw him at the company’s Christmas lunch last year. First thing that struck me was that he looks a lot like my best friend’s very nice ex-boyfriend. Both have the prominent angular type of features, both are tall and skinny, both have the “cool” look.
At first I was surprised that two totally different people can actually look so alike. And no, they are definitely not related, since I know my friend’s family as well. He was rather noticeable that day as his department won a lot of lucky draw prizes, but he was the only one who was taking all the prizes for them.
After that I found out where he was sitting. I did not deliberately go to find out but it just so happens his department is on the first floor, where everyone will pass by on the way to the canteen. And he is sitting next to the door leading to the canteen, so it is impossible not to notice him.
I found out which company transport he takes, because as and when I took the same transport, I would see him. On the company bus, I have a habit of taking the back corner seat, right behind the back door. He always takes the back seat.
One day in January, we started talking as the bus was full and I had to sit next to him. I do not know whether any of you ever experienced the situation where the moment you talk to someone totally new, you found out both of you can click so well?
That was what happened to him and me. The moment we started talking, it was non-stop. We talked abut our work, our qualifications, the things we like to do. Even though it was a short journey from the company to the train station where we both alight, it was a rather intense conversation.
I remember I went off that day feeling rather good as I never had such an intense conversation with a local guy in his mid-thirties in so long (my own friends do not count). The guys I met around that age only wanted sex without bothering to really talk to a person.
The next time I took the bus, he sat next to me. He remarked that he did not see me the past few times, so I said that was because I took my own transport home. I would take the same bus he takes only if I am going somewhere else.
That day, the Head of the Security Guard happened to take the bus too. He is a naggy old man, and none of us like talking to him. The old man just rattled on when he saw us, and there was hardly a place to cut in. I saw my new friend getting rather irritated, and I was too.
The moment the old man stopped to catch a breath, my new friend “rescued” me by talking to me. He was showing me cute images on his phone, and that was when we exchanged numbers. He asked if he could message me, so I said okay. I was going to watch a movie that night, and he actually messaged me while I was watching the show by asking me to enjoy the movie.
After that, each time we took the same bus, we would sit together and chatted all the way. We realize that we both chat online, so we exchanged our particulars for online chat. So far, I have only chatted with him four times online, but each time we just have so many things to talk about that we will end up spending hours chatting to each other.
His messages started increasing. The day of the company dinner he sent me a message at 1:00am asking if I have reached home. So I asked why was he not asleep yet, and he said he wanted to be sure I reached home safely. What a sweet guy, just like my friend!
I started bitching to him on a lot of things. About those jokers I met, about problems in my work, about people who took me for granted. For someone I just met not long ago, I actually feel comfortable baring all my emotions and feelings to him, and he would always lend a listening ear, giving me advice, telling me all the right things at the right time.
I started looking to him as a close confidante, as an elder brother. We discovered we have similar tastes in music, we like all the same groups like ABBA, Simon & Garfunkel, BeeGees, Michael Learns To Rock, and songs like Collin Raye’s “Love, Me”. He sent me some songs he found. We realise we are both sentimental and quiet people, often letting our emotions rule us.
He would never fail to send me a message everyday, asking me how my day was and what I would be doing. His messages grew longer and longer, and my replies became longer and longer. I started to look forward to his messages.
Last night (early yesterday morning actually), we were chatting until the wee hours of the morning, until in the end I got so sleepy that I said I needed to sleep. It was the first time in so long that I actually stayed up until 4:00a.m. on a weekend just to chat with people.
Before we signed off, he told me, “I finally found you. Can you sense it?” I said, “I think I sensed something, but not sure if we are referring to the same thing.” He said that maybe I should start reading into people’s hearts because someone’s heart may just be saying “I love you”.
I was not sure how to reply to that, so I just told him to go sleep since it was already so late. He said, “Please take care. Just be happy. Good night and sweet dreams, dar.”
Finally I said, “I am going to be very direct. Are you saying you want to be with me?” He said, “Why not? But have to get to know each other much better first.” Well, very true, have to get to know each other better first.
Today he called me and said he would be taking half day’s urgent leave. He also said that he wanted to ask me out today but was afraid it would be too last minute, and anyway he had some affairs to settle.
Then he said that he would be free every weekend, and if I do not mind, he will ask me out. I told him not to worry about me and to settle his own problems first. As for weekends, if he can catch me on a free day, then by all means go ahead and try his luck.
But why is this churning such emotional turmoil within me? Do I like him? Yes, a lot. But do I love him in that way? I am still trying to figure out the answer to this. It is a much different feeling than before.
Then, I liked someone so much I was willing to do everything for him. But right now, I look forward to his messages, to seeing him around the office, to taking the same bus as him, confiding in him, talking about things. It was like I found a soulmate. So are the feelings real then? Now I am in a real messed-up state.
I first saw him at the company’s Christmas lunch last year. First thing that struck me was that he looks a lot like my best friend’s very nice ex-boyfriend. Both have the prominent angular type of features, both are tall and skinny, both have the “cool” look.
At first I was surprised that two totally different people can actually look so alike. And no, they are definitely not related, since I know my friend’s family as well. He was rather noticeable that day as his department won a lot of lucky draw prizes, but he was the only one who was taking all the prizes for them.
After that I found out where he was sitting. I did not deliberately go to find out but it just so happens his department is on the first floor, where everyone will pass by on the way to the canteen. And he is sitting next to the door leading to the canteen, so it is impossible not to notice him.
I found out which company transport he takes, because as and when I took the same transport, I would see him. On the company bus, I have a habit of taking the back corner seat, right behind the back door. He always takes the back seat.
One day in January, we started talking as the bus was full and I had to sit next to him. I do not know whether any of you ever experienced the situation where the moment you talk to someone totally new, you found out both of you can click so well?
That was what happened to him and me. The moment we started talking, it was non-stop. We talked abut our work, our qualifications, the things we like to do. Even though it was a short journey from the company to the train station where we both alight, it was a rather intense conversation.
I remember I went off that day feeling rather good as I never had such an intense conversation with a local guy in his mid-thirties in so long (my own friends do not count). The guys I met around that age only wanted sex without bothering to really talk to a person.
The next time I took the bus, he sat next to me. He remarked that he did not see me the past few times, so I said that was because I took my own transport home. I would take the same bus he takes only if I am going somewhere else.
That day, the Head of the Security Guard happened to take the bus too. He is a naggy old man, and none of us like talking to him. The old man just rattled on when he saw us, and there was hardly a place to cut in. I saw my new friend getting rather irritated, and I was too.
The moment the old man stopped to catch a breath, my new friend “rescued” me by talking to me. He was showing me cute images on his phone, and that was when we exchanged numbers. He asked if he could message me, so I said okay. I was going to watch a movie that night, and he actually messaged me while I was watching the show by asking me to enjoy the movie.
After that, each time we took the same bus, we would sit together and chatted all the way. We realize that we both chat online, so we exchanged our particulars for online chat. So far, I have only chatted with him four times online, but each time we just have so many things to talk about that we will end up spending hours chatting to each other.
His messages started increasing. The day of the company dinner he sent me a message at 1:00am asking if I have reached home. So I asked why was he not asleep yet, and he said he wanted to be sure I reached home safely. What a sweet guy, just like my friend!
I started bitching to him on a lot of things. About those jokers I met, about problems in my work, about people who took me for granted. For someone I just met not long ago, I actually feel comfortable baring all my emotions and feelings to him, and he would always lend a listening ear, giving me advice, telling me all the right things at the right time.
I started looking to him as a close confidante, as an elder brother. We discovered we have similar tastes in music, we like all the same groups like ABBA, Simon & Garfunkel, BeeGees, Michael Learns To Rock, and songs like Collin Raye’s “Love, Me”. He sent me some songs he found. We realise we are both sentimental and quiet people, often letting our emotions rule us.
He would never fail to send me a message everyday, asking me how my day was and what I would be doing. His messages grew longer and longer, and my replies became longer and longer. I started to look forward to his messages.
Last night (early yesterday morning actually), we were chatting until the wee hours of the morning, until in the end I got so sleepy that I said I needed to sleep. It was the first time in so long that I actually stayed up until 4:00a.m. on a weekend just to chat with people.
Before we signed off, he told me, “I finally found you. Can you sense it?” I said, “I think I sensed something, but not sure if we are referring to the same thing.” He said that maybe I should start reading into people’s hearts because someone’s heart may just be saying “I love you”.
I was not sure how to reply to that, so I just told him to go sleep since it was already so late. He said, “Please take care. Just be happy. Good night and sweet dreams, dar.”
Finally I said, “I am going to be very direct. Are you saying you want to be with me?” He said, “Why not? But have to get to know each other much better first.” Well, very true, have to get to know each other better first.
Today he called me and said he would be taking half day’s urgent leave. He also said that he wanted to ask me out today but was afraid it would be too last minute, and anyway he had some affairs to settle.
Then he said that he would be free every weekend, and if I do not mind, he will ask me out. I told him not to worry about me and to settle his own problems first. As for weekends, if he can catch me on a free day, then by all means go ahead and try his luck.
But why is this churning such emotional turmoil within me? Do I like him? Yes, a lot. But do I love him in that way? I am still trying to figure out the answer to this. It is a much different feeling than before.
Then, I liked someone so much I was willing to do everything for him. But right now, I look forward to his messages, to seeing him around the office, to taking the same bus as him, confiding in him, talking about things. It was like I found a soulmate. So are the feelings real then? Now I am in a real messed-up state.
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