Another "long" absence, not by choice. There were simply too many things going on that I had no time nor mood nor inclination to write anything. My mood for the past couple of weeks ranged from one of frustration to anger to stress to irritation. When I am in this mood where I feel like killing people on sight, I am in no other mood to do anything else. Plus, I had a bad bout of flu which kept me ill for a week or so.
Needless to say, a lot of things had happened in just a matter of ten days or so. Sometimes I wish my life can be less dramatic, then I will have less heartache and hurts. I embrace the simple life anytime, anywhere! How I wish I can just drop everything and go somewhere with the one I love, take on a new identity and start anew in another planet where no one knows us. But that is only wishful thinking on my part, as no matter how committed and ready I am, a relationship does not function on being one-sided. One cannot love to order, and rather than hoping for a miracle, sometimes I have to be the one to make the decision on whether it is worth continuing.
I had dinner with my best friend last week. It was to celebrate her birthday-cum-engagement. Yes, she is getting married. Finally! I feel so happy for her, as she deserves to be with a truly worthy guy who truly loves her, after her couple of failed relationships with guys who do not deserve her. Her fiance and her are awaiting their choice of flat, which will be across the island to near where the border is. Now she is leaving me too! :-(
No longer will I have a close friend who stays close by and where we can meet up near both our homes, especially after my second relationship ended. I will be all alone now! Although she promised to bring me flat viewing with them after they got the flat, but I simply cannot bear thinking that whenever I visit her in the future, I have to travel more than an hour across the island!
Upon reflecting on how my best friend and her fiance's relationship developed, I cannot help thinking how does one know if the person is "right" for you? I used to think that I will know when I met the right one, but now I am not sure anymore. Someone who seems "right" in the beginning may not be "right" later on. People are different and no one is perfect, so there will always have to be compromise, giving and taking, tolerance, acceptance.
But when is the compromise and tolerance, tolerable? When will the acceptance become unacceptable? How do you know you can really get along? How do you know this person is the right one for you to foresee a future with him / her? Is it your problem then if you find that you are unable to accept certain aspects of your partner? Should you then be more compromising and understanding?
I asked around amongst my friends, those who are in healthy relationships and good marriages, and they gave me a variety of answers. Some said that having similar interests work for them, as they can do things together. Some said they have different interests, but they compromise and accompany each other. Some said they have common goals and values and similar visions for the future. Some are more "perfect", as in they have similar interests, goals and values and visions for the future.
The conclusion? I still cannot find the "perfect" answer to my question. Sometimes I wonder is it because my expectations are too high? Is it because my criteria is unattainable? Should I lower my standards then? The truth is that I have accepted people who do not meet all the criteria, about 70%, but in the end the relationship became one of more misery than happiness. The one and only person who met 90% of what I am looking for is the one who gave me more happiness than misery in the relationship, although in the end I probably did not meet his own criteria. The one and only person who actually met all my criteria did not accept me in the end.
So shall I then accept anyone who shows potential albeit a bit off? Or shall I still continue looking for the person who can meet 90% or more? What if I cannot get the best; shall I then settle for second best, or anyone whom I can get along with? I never believe in changing a person into whom I like, because if the person is not like this, he is not likely to change. But in this case, is it my problem then if I find that I cannot accept certain aspects? If I get frustrated over things he do which I cannot adhere to? Shall I then be the one to change and be more tolerant and understanding?
Needless to say, a lot of things had happened in just a matter of ten days or so. Sometimes I wish my life can be less dramatic, then I will have less heartache and hurts. I embrace the simple life anytime, anywhere! How I wish I can just drop everything and go somewhere with the one I love, take on a new identity and start anew in another planet where no one knows us. But that is only wishful thinking on my part, as no matter how committed and ready I am, a relationship does not function on being one-sided. One cannot love to order, and rather than hoping for a miracle, sometimes I have to be the one to make the decision on whether it is worth continuing.
I had dinner with my best friend last week. It was to celebrate her birthday-cum-engagement. Yes, she is getting married. Finally! I feel so happy for her, as she deserves to be with a truly worthy guy who truly loves her, after her couple of failed relationships with guys who do not deserve her. Her fiance and her are awaiting their choice of flat, which will be across the island to near where the border is. Now she is leaving me too! :-(
No longer will I have a close friend who stays close by and where we can meet up near both our homes, especially after my second relationship ended. I will be all alone now! Although she promised to bring me flat viewing with them after they got the flat, but I simply cannot bear thinking that whenever I visit her in the future, I have to travel more than an hour across the island!
Upon reflecting on how my best friend and her fiance's relationship developed, I cannot help thinking how does one know if the person is "right" for you? I used to think that I will know when I met the right one, but now I am not sure anymore. Someone who seems "right" in the beginning may not be "right" later on. People are different and no one is perfect, so there will always have to be compromise, giving and taking, tolerance, acceptance.
But when is the compromise and tolerance, tolerable? When will the acceptance become unacceptable? How do you know you can really get along? How do you know this person is the right one for you to foresee a future with him / her? Is it your problem then if you find that you are unable to accept certain aspects of your partner? Should you then be more compromising and understanding?
I asked around amongst my friends, those who are in healthy relationships and good marriages, and they gave me a variety of answers. Some said that having similar interests work for them, as they can do things together. Some said they have different interests, but they compromise and accompany each other. Some said they have common goals and values and similar visions for the future. Some are more "perfect", as in they have similar interests, goals and values and visions for the future.
The conclusion? I still cannot find the "perfect" answer to my question. Sometimes I wonder is it because my expectations are too high? Is it because my criteria is unattainable? Should I lower my standards then? The truth is that I have accepted people who do not meet all the criteria, about 70%, but in the end the relationship became one of more misery than happiness. The one and only person who met 90% of what I am looking for is the one who gave me more happiness than misery in the relationship, although in the end I probably did not meet his own criteria. The one and only person who actually met all my criteria did not accept me in the end.
So shall I then accept anyone who shows potential albeit a bit off? Or shall I still continue looking for the person who can meet 90% or more? What if I cannot get the best; shall I then settle for second best, or anyone whom I can get along with? I never believe in changing a person into whom I like, because if the person is not like this, he is not likely to change. But in this case, is it my problem then if I find that I cannot accept certain aspects? If I get frustrated over things he do which I cannot adhere to? Shall I then be the one to change and be more tolerant and understanding?
0 comments:
Post a Comment