Profuse apologies for the rather long absence. I had no access to the internet the past few days, with my laptop still not internet-accessible, and my original computer being hauled for a makeover, and the constant scanning, packing and boxing at work. It is a wonder I still have the energy to stay up late the past few days! So please forgive me for this sudden flood of entries.
I came across a couple of extracts from the "Joy Luck Club" which I find rather meaningful :
1. Mother : You ask yourself why do you do this?
Daughter : I like being tragic, Ma. I learnt it from you.
Mother : You think you do this, he will be so sorry and come back to you, you are wrong. The more you do the more he will take you for granted. You are just like my mother, not knowing her worth until too late.
2. Mother : What do you want, from him, I mean?
Daughter : I don't know.... respect, tenderness, maybe.
Mother : Then tell him. Tell him now! And get out of this lopsided house! Never come back until he is ready and willing to give you those, with both arms open.
Daughter : I.... I can't....
Mother : Do not worry about losing him. It will be you who will be found."
And something from a radio show last week :
Girls can fake an orgasm, but guys can fake a relationship.
This holds true even in modern times. I do not know about guys because it seems like guys tend to think more with their heads than their hearts, so are more able to let go of a relationship that is no longer worth pursuing or holding on. In general, girls think more with their hearts instead, so they get more emotionally swayed, even if the guy is stringing her along.
Of all the unhealthy and broken relationships I have come across, in most cases, it is always the girl who is holding on, despite the guy taking her for granted and totally not deserving her. Out of ten girls and ten guys, eight out of ten girls and two out of ten guys will hold on and remain in a relationship like this. For the guys who hold on, in many cases, it can be that they are more obliging and just giving in to what the girl wants; but for the girls who hold on, it is because they fear they are not worthy for anyone, thus if they let go, their entire lives will come crumbling down and only proves what they thought of themselves - that they are useless and unworthy.
Dramatic as it is, scoff if you must, but it is true. After all, as the saying goes, the only flaw with women is that they do not know their worth. Women are capable of great love, especially the more emotional ones, so when they love, they really give their all. Nothing is too good for the one they love. Women go all out to protect who they love, sometimes to the extent of doing ridiculous and childish antics. Yet the more they love, the more distant the guy will become.
I always wonder why that is so? My mum told me that for a guy, if he finds it too easy to get a girl, he will lose interest fast. So being girls, we must hold back and remain more aloof, as the harder the conquest is, the more the guy will treasure. I used to think this is nonsense, but now I am not that sure. Human nature, being what it is, will always take for granted something that is too easy, whereas if we need to struggle to achieve, the "conquest" or achievement will be much better savoured.
When I hear of my friends' relationships, or see with my own eyes, it seems that those who got numerous rejections end up trying even harder and when they finally got the girl / guy, they are really into her / him. Whereas when I look back at my own case(s), it seemed I had been pretty easy. I am not those loose types that go with just any guy, but easy as in I never made it hard for the guys I had been in relationships with to woo me or be in a relationship with me. I had been friendly and enthusiastic, never aloof or distant.
It was the guy(s) who in the end became aloof and distant, and the more they behaved like this, the more I tried to get through to them, the more I was afraid of losing them, the more I felt I could not find anyone better. And each time whenever I had been told the relationship could not continue, I did even more, apologised profusely for not being good enough, tried to change for the better, begged for another chance, all so to keep the relationship going. Now that I come to think of it, I actually laugh at myself for resorting to all kinds of antics just to hold on to guys who probably never gave a damn about me in the first place!
Yes, I can see how foolish I can be, how blind love is. But the thing is despite the numerous times when you realise you have been foolish, you realise that whatever you do is not worth it if he does not appreciate you, in the end it all boils down to nothing once you fall head over heels in love again. Because you will start to lose yourself again, start doing the same things again.
It is not that I have not learnt my lesson, but somehow as a female, I cannot help feeling this way, or thinking this way, that my love is never good enough, that his love is better than mine, that I am not worthy, so being with someone who can accept me is already more than enough for me. Which is why women never know what they are worth, and it is a sad thing. The saddest thing is only a handful of guys will go all out to make a woman feels special; most will just take for granted and continue taking.
I came across a couple of extracts from the "Joy Luck Club" which I find rather meaningful :
1. Mother : You ask yourself why do you do this?
Daughter : I like being tragic, Ma. I learnt it from you.
Mother : You think you do this, he will be so sorry and come back to you, you are wrong. The more you do the more he will take you for granted. You are just like my mother, not knowing her worth until too late.
2. Mother : What do you want, from him, I mean?
Daughter : I don't know.... respect, tenderness, maybe.
Mother : Then tell him. Tell him now! And get out of this lopsided house! Never come back until he is ready and willing to give you those, with both arms open.
Daughter : I.... I can't....
Mother : Do not worry about losing him. It will be you who will be found."
And something from a radio show last week :
Girls can fake an orgasm, but guys can fake a relationship.
This holds true even in modern times. I do not know about guys because it seems like guys tend to think more with their heads than their hearts, so are more able to let go of a relationship that is no longer worth pursuing or holding on. In general, girls think more with their hearts instead, so they get more emotionally swayed, even if the guy is stringing her along.
Of all the unhealthy and broken relationships I have come across, in most cases, it is always the girl who is holding on, despite the guy taking her for granted and totally not deserving her. Out of ten girls and ten guys, eight out of ten girls and two out of ten guys will hold on and remain in a relationship like this. For the guys who hold on, in many cases, it can be that they are more obliging and just giving in to what the girl wants; but for the girls who hold on, it is because they fear they are not worthy for anyone, thus if they let go, their entire lives will come crumbling down and only proves what they thought of themselves - that they are useless and unworthy.
Dramatic as it is, scoff if you must, but it is true. After all, as the saying goes, the only flaw with women is that they do not know their worth. Women are capable of great love, especially the more emotional ones, so when they love, they really give their all. Nothing is too good for the one they love. Women go all out to protect who they love, sometimes to the extent of doing ridiculous and childish antics. Yet the more they love, the more distant the guy will become.
I always wonder why that is so? My mum told me that for a guy, if he finds it too easy to get a girl, he will lose interest fast. So being girls, we must hold back and remain more aloof, as the harder the conquest is, the more the guy will treasure. I used to think this is nonsense, but now I am not that sure. Human nature, being what it is, will always take for granted something that is too easy, whereas if we need to struggle to achieve, the "conquest" or achievement will be much better savoured.
When I hear of my friends' relationships, or see with my own eyes, it seems that those who got numerous rejections end up trying even harder and when they finally got the girl / guy, they are really into her / him. Whereas when I look back at my own case(s), it seemed I had been pretty easy. I am not those loose types that go with just any guy, but easy as in I never made it hard for the guys I had been in relationships with to woo me or be in a relationship with me. I had been friendly and enthusiastic, never aloof or distant.
It was the guy(s) who in the end became aloof and distant, and the more they behaved like this, the more I tried to get through to them, the more I was afraid of losing them, the more I felt I could not find anyone better. And each time whenever I had been told the relationship could not continue, I did even more, apologised profusely for not being good enough, tried to change for the better, begged for another chance, all so to keep the relationship going. Now that I come to think of it, I actually laugh at myself for resorting to all kinds of antics just to hold on to guys who probably never gave a damn about me in the first place!
Yes, I can see how foolish I can be, how blind love is. But the thing is despite the numerous times when you realise you have been foolish, you realise that whatever you do is not worth it if he does not appreciate you, in the end it all boils down to nothing once you fall head over heels in love again. Because you will start to lose yourself again, start doing the same things again.
It is not that I have not learnt my lesson, but somehow as a female, I cannot help feeling this way, or thinking this way, that my love is never good enough, that his love is better than mine, that I am not worthy, so being with someone who can accept me is already more than enough for me. Which is why women never know what they are worth, and it is a sad thing. The saddest thing is only a handful of guys will go all out to make a woman feels special; most will just take for granted and continue taking.
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