Super Packed!

I am super packed, literally! My luggage is bursting at the seams! The temperature ranges from five degree celsius to twenty degree celsius, so after packing all my long sleeve tops, track pants and jeans, not to mention a couple of sweaters, my luggage is full! For the first time, I will be wearing a trench coat to keep out the cold, instead of just a mere sweater! At least a trench coat helps to keep my entire body warm (including my legs) rather than just the upper half of my body!

Despite this, I will still be bringing along my usual travel backpack, which will consist of my laptop (I actually have to check my work mails while on vacation! :-(), MP3, books, an extra sweater, my digicam, lip gloss, eye drops and mobile phone. Hopefully it will not be too heavy this time round with the extra things I will be bringing! Oh, and I will be re-reading Lord of the Rings on the plane!

It was also another super packed day today. The thing with people is that they like to do things at the last minute. I have been telling people I will be away from tomorrow onwards for two weeks, and for the past couple of weeks, nothing much gets done. All of a sudden, everything starts coming today, and I was so busy the whole day churning out reports, drafting agreements, sending out emails and meetings with colleagues and clients. Hardly had time to breathe or even go to the washroom, and almost could not make it out for lunch!

Finally I can take a breather! It will be another super packed evening ahead. I am going for another job interview, this time at an offshore firm specialising in petrochemical products. Then to meet my wealth manager (different from my financial planner) to ask him to help consolidate my finances as a new start to the upcoming new year. Then I will need to rush home, shower, do some last minute packing and go to sleep!

Furthermore, I received a message from a friend, saying that my ex's grandfather passed away and the wake will be tonight. I feel so bad about it because I will not have the time to go. So I sent him a message, giving my condolences and apologising for not being able to make it, and he replied to thank me. Why do I have this feeling he is still not that willing to talk to me, even after all these while? And it was not as if I was the one who broke his heart! If I can already treat it as if nothing happened, why not him? Oh well ....

With that, a conclusion to just another day. Off to Maori land tomorrow, I cannot wait for it! Finally I can have a well-deserved break! I am not sure if I can access the net though, despite bringing my laptop along, because I am not sure how much wireless coverage those places have, so if you do not hear from me, I will be back after the ninth November!

Pesky Insurance Agents!

I am in the midst of consolidating finances and trying to see which endowment plans I can take up to maximise the growth. Thus, I recently went under another financial planner whom I met during one of the social events I went to a few months back. Come to think of it, while we exchanged contacts then, I never really thought we would stay in touch, so when he called me I was surprised. Then when I found out what he was doing, I was wary, like anyone else. But he came across as someone sincere and passionate, so I thought why not just give him a chance and help him out?

I must say, he is born to be in this line. No doubt he is just starting out after leaving his previous job, but he can really talk to people. I do not mean talk as in blowing up all the good things and making people feel good about themselves and whatnot, but talk as in able to interact, get along, communicate. In short, I feel a sense of familiarity talking to him, something which I do not feel with most people. Maybe it is a question of chemistry again. Maybe some people can just hit off just like that as compared to others.

In any case, he happens to be in the same company as my other financial planner, so I said I may want to transfer my existing policies to him, because I am getting rather irritated with my other financial planner. She did not use to be so pushy, but recently, she has been irritating me with her pushiness. For instance, she kept asking me to make an appointment with my mum to see her. But my mum already has several policies of her own and in any case, she prefers her own planner.

Yet, my other financial planner just keeps pushing and asking me for my parents' schedule, and that since we are going away, why not fix an appointment this week? She called me on Thursday, but I told her my mum had said she would not be free because she needs to rush her work before she goes off. So my planner asked what about Saturday and Sunday?

Saturday I was not free from the afternoon onwards, and Sunday my parents celebrated my birthday and I had dinner with my friend at night. So she asked what about my parents' schedule on Saturday? I told her every Saturday morning my parents would go visit my grandmother, then they would go marketing and grocery shopping, and also to run some errands since we are going off soon.

She accused me of assuming they are not free without even asking! They are my parents, I live with them, I, of all people, should know their schedules! And I was not assuming, they were really not free on Saturday! She asked what time would I be going out on Saturday, so I said about two, and she said in which case she would pop by my place at eleven.

I was really pissed. So I told her the weekend was not a good time for me. Then she said what about this week? Monday I wanted to treat myself, yesterday I had an appointment with my friend, today I am going for a facial, and tomorrow I am going for a job interview. Friday I am flying off.

So I said I am not free this week. She said in that case, why not postpone my appointment with my friend just to meet her? My friend already asked me a week in advance! What right does she have to just tell me to postpone any appointments to meet her? I got so irritated that I totally blasted at her! I asked her if it was really so urgent that it is absolutely necessary to meet me and my mum? Finally she conceded.

What irks me is she did not use to be like this. I have no idea why she became so pushy and pesky. I know she is doing her job, but for goodness sake, people have their own things and schedules as well, no one has any right to ask anyone to change their schedules just for someone else!

Now I know why people run away from insurance agents. To me, I am fine with these people approaching me. I will give them a chance to hear them out. But I absolutely loathe it if people just keep pushing without any respect to me. Hopefully my friend will not become like this after a while!

Attitudes Of Working Professionals

From my observations, there are different kinds of attitudes towards working life. I can categorise them into four groups. The first group are those who are rather lax and easy-going. They are easily satisfied with a normal job and a normal income, doing the same things day in day out for, like, thirty years or so. These are those who are may not have much strive in life.

The second group are those who crave for challenges. Money to them is secondary, as long as they are doing something challenging and exciting. Normally these are those highly motivated ones with a drive to succeed, so they will want something challenging, something that can make them learn as much as possible, then move on to a better and higher-paying job. These are also those who go according to their passions even if they are not that well-paid.

The third group are those who want money. What they work as is secondary. These are those who can be stuck in a dead end job, who may hate their job but they still do it because the lure of money is too much for them. However, these group can only go two ways - either continue being stuck in something they hate and live with it for the income, or join the second group - do something they are passionate about even if they suffer a pay cut.

The fourth group are the ones who have it all. These are the luckiest of the lot. They crave for challenges in their work, and they love their work because of the challenges and learning ground the work provides, and at the same time they are genuinely passionate about what they do and are highly-paid as well. How I wish I am in this group!

Not many people belong to the fourth group. Often than not, most people belong to the second and third groups. There are many who belong to the first group, but after a while, they will find themselves being left behind in the society because they are not willing to upgrade and just remain where they are.

For me, I belong to the first and second groups. I am stuck in a normal job with normal pay, but I crave for more challenges, something that can work my mind and boost my analytical and thinking skills, and not something that any mere being can do. Which is why I welcome a career change. Hopefully I can progress towards the fourth group - be in something challenging and exciting and paid my worth at the same time!

Marriage Hindrance ....

I chanced upon an article yesterday on how a local man who wanted to marry a foreigner had to apply for approval, but was rejected numerous times. Normally here if people want to get married, the law is that both parties must be above the age of twenty-one, and witnessed by two witnesses when signing the certificate.

If one or both are less than the age of twenty-one but above the age of eighteen, parental consent must be sought. If one or both are below eighteen, both the parental and state consent must be sought. This is only for civil marriages, not religious marriages. In any case, save for Muslims, all other forms of religious marriages are not recognized until the marriage is legally registered.

However, in the case of the man in the article, he is already in his mid-forties. His girlfriend is in her mid-thirties. By right, they can get married without a glitch. So what is the problem? Firstly, his income is low, so the government fears that he will not be able to support a family. Secondly, his girlfriend used to be a domestic worker here, who has since finished her contract and gone home. So the government is reluctant to set the precedent of foreigners coming here to work with the mentality of getting married.

What a farce! On one hand, they have been going non-stop about how people should get married and have kids early, should not wait until the career has been established, can do everything at the same time, etc. On the other hand, when someone really yearns to get married and settle down, he is not allowed to because his income is too low.

Love happens anywhere anytime to anyone. So the two fell in love, one is a citizen, the other is not. Does it matter as long as both want to be together? Now there is massive promotion on singles get-together, matchmaking and parents matching kids, yet we have real life examples of two people finding each other but yet the government stands in their way of getting married.

Okay, no doubt perhaps what is stated in the article may not be totally true, but still, there is no reason to keep rejecting his application if he really wants to get married right? There are already so many who do not want to get married, so why stand in the way of people who really want to get married?

All The Trouble Over A Battery!

I feel really cheated! For some reason, the original rechargeable battery for my digicam spoilt and cannot be recharged. Since I need extra batteries (I already have two) knowing the way I use the camera especially when I am overseas, I decided to purchase another one.

When I bought my digicam three years back, it came with just one original battery. I bought it at the place for inexpensive electronic goods. I decided to buy a spare battery just in case, but at that point in time, the shop did not stock any extra batteries, so I had to go to the Olympus shop further down to purchase a spare battery, which cost me S$60.00.

Last year, before I left for Europe, I thought two batteries might not be enough, thus decided to buy a third battery. From my previous Japan experience, two batteries could last me just three quarters of a day! In the end, I was not able to take in more beautiful sights, which was why I decided to buy a third battery.

I happened to be around the town area, so I went to a shopping mall selling exclusively electronic and digital products for tourists. I stated the brand of my digicam and the sales person told me to get a more upgraded battery, which cost me S$98.00! And it was not as if it is any much better than the original two batteries I already have!

Today, I am going down to the original shop where I purchased the digicam in the first place to get another extra battery to replace the one that is spoilt. However, I was fretting yesterday on whether they still have it in stock since the digicam itself has already been out of the market for so long.

So I called the shop. The person who answered told me there is still stock, and it cost just S$20.00 for a replacement battery! I initially thought it would cost at least S$60.00, which means I can buy two batteries instead of just one! That means I got cheated of S$30.00, and another S$78.00 in total! If I had known, I would have just patronised this shop and not bother about any others!

Now I know why the tourism industry was booming, because shop owners sell their goods at an exorbitant price! Even for a small piece of accessory, I had to dish out almost S$100.00, I wonder how much are they selling the rest of the products? But in that case, why not sell it at a lower price to locals? Or maybe I look like a foreigner in the first place!

Sorting Out A Triangle ....

Turning another year older makes me want to put things in perspective, namely relationship matters. I am not in a relationship with anyone, but I cannot help but wonder whether I should pay heed to my feelings or to my rationality? Yes, I know that is the ever perennial debate, but how do you choose between your heart and your head when both are in eternal conflict?

Few weeks back, I recounted my impression of a friend, whom I am very comfortable hanging out with, and I must admit, a little interested in. At the same time, there is another friend whom I have been meeting up with and can get along quite okay with.

I always feel Friend No. 1 is better by far, in terms of personality, character and intellect. Or rather, shall I say, he has the kind of personality and brains that attract me. But because of his outgoing, fun-loving and bubbly personality, he is not one whom I foresee will likely to settle down anytime soon.

Friend No. 2, on the other hand, is equally smart and intellectual. However, he is a quieter person. That is not to say he is totally silent, he will talk and converse articulately as well, except he is not that a "people" kind of person like Friend No. 1 is. But he is stable and ready to commit.

Right now all of us are still friends (the two guys do not know each other personally). Last week, I was cooped up with some work problems, and I kind of blasted at people, including those two. Friend No. 2 gave me a call, asked if I needed any help and that was it. Friend No. 1 showed his concern and asked me what happened. The next morning, Friend No. 1 sent me a message wishing me good morning and good day and cheered me up.

On Saturday, I went to a common friend's place to play tennis doubles. Friend No. 1 bought a birthday cake and surprised me, complete with three candles, then we all celebrated together. I seriously did not expect that! If he wanted to cheer me up, he had succeeded immensely!

Last night, Friend No. 2 asked me out for dinner. Knowing that I may be going to Hokkaido, he brought me to eat Hokkaido steamboat. Honestly, yesterday I was not in the mood to eat such a big meal as I had a really frustrating week. I was not even in the mood for drinks after that, I just wanted to go home! So he obliged and took me home. Then when he dropped me off, he gave me a gift and a souvenir he brought back from his recent trip to Russia.

The gift is a pink Adidas sling bag which I had been eyeing! Now, how in the world does he know that? The souvenir is a poster of Leonardo Da Vinci's Madonna and Child, which he got from the Hermitage in St Petersburg, one of my favourite paintings. How does he know that too?

I was really touched. After I sent him a message to thank him, he said as long as I like, and asked me to cheer up because I really look sad. These are some things which will really melt my heart, and if I was a couple of years younger and not at this stage, I would have really fallen hard without thinking.

The thing is, if one is to ask me who I kind of like more, I would say Friend No. 1. Simply no reason, I just prefer him. My heart tells me he is someone I am more interested in. If he was the one whom I had dinner with last night, I would not want the night to end, I would have gone with him for drinks and stayed out until as late as we liked, even if I was not in a good mood! Yet somehow with Friend No. 2, I was not in the mood to do that. But if one is to ask me who is a more likely candidate to settle down with, then it is Friend No. 2 because my head tells me so.

I have not gone to the stage of actually falling head over heels in love yet. Neither have I even reached the stage of love. And I believe I am a more rational and much less emotional person than before. Yet, despite all these, I find myself getting more attracted to Friend No. 1 than to Friend No. 2.

But as to who is more interested in me, I daresay it is Friend No. 2. Which is why I need to sort this out, because in the event I get into a relationship again, it is to give all to the other person, my entire heart. If my heart is not in it, even if he is a good person, even if we get along great, even if he is a reliable and dependable person, I will not feel good. I do not want to do something that will only make me regret next time, and to make another person unhappy.

Thirty-ritis ....

It is official! I am now afflicted with the disease “thirty-ritis”, two weeks after a certain journalist! Traditionally, thirty for a man is the age when a flower blossoms, but thirty for a woman is when the flower starts to wilt. Thirty is the age of glory for a man, but thirty is the age where a woman is “over the hill”.

After all, between the ages of twenty to thirty, a woman had been moulded by society to graduate, find a job, find a man, get hitched, and have at least two kids by the age of thirty. To a man, that is the age when his career is at the peak, after army life, university, starting out. So thirty is usually the age when he starts thinking of settling down.

Not so for a woman. By the time she is thirty and still single, she is as good as being left on the shelf. Men her age have a pool of younger, prettier and more fertile ladies to choose from. Her career may be at the peak, but her personal life may be in a mess. She may be desolate, isolated, lonely, thus focus all her energy into her job, making people’s lives a living hell. Hence the term “old maid”.

But not for a modern woman. A modern, educated, professional woman will view thirty as the new twenty. In her twenties, she would have her fair share of starting outs – be it in career or relationships. She would have a rocky time in various aspects. She would have been emotional, idealistic, dreamy, ditsy, full of zest for the world but being let down by the ugliness the world which she loved dished out to her. She starts freaking out over her looks and figure, which is an irony because the twenties are when a woman is about the prettiest.

Then when she turns thirty, she will look back at the last ten years and wondered about the many mistakes she made, the tears she shed, the regrets, the bittersweet memories. And she is all the more determined to live life to the fullest, to be the epitome of the modern sassy woman, to feel beautiful inside and out. She exudes a certain charm and confidence which she never had in her twenties, but manages to attain the moment she turns thirty. She finds herself getting more attractive and loving every minute of it!

Thirty to me is a new stage of life. Looking back over the past decade, I have had a rather colourful ten years. Ups, downs, happiness, sadness, with the years flitting by with nary a dash of worry. Yet now I feel my life is only just beginning – a new decade, new opportunities, new challenges, new perspectives. The twenties were a time of experimenting, of learning from mistakes, of growing up, of maturing.

Whatever bad things that happened to me, I had it all (almost) in my twenties. Struggles with identity, job hopping, heartbreaks, broken relationships, cheated of love and money, almost bankrupt, major sickness. I was at the peak of fertility, and now, judging from how my body functions, I am no longer at the peak, which makes me worry if I can still conceive if and when that happens. I was at the peak of brain power where I could learn and retain things fast, but now, I find myself slowing down a little, although with a bit more experience that I can relate to.

Thus, the next decade will be when things turn around, when good things happen instead of bad. The thirties will be a time of maturity, of charm, zest, experience, beauty. It will be ten years of being beautiful and confident, of handling life matters effectively and taking things in stride, instead of taking flight or being silent at the first sign of trouble.

Turning thirty for a woman is a good age, because it will be the age when she has been through certain experiences and grown from them, the age when her career is stable and the age when she is ready and willing to commit, the age when she knows what it is like to be in and how to handle a relationship and a marriage. She will no longer be a little girl but a real sophisticated woman! I am sure looking for great times ahead in the next ten years!

Wrong Time!

I just came back from another job interview, which I may stand a good chance. If I get this job, I will be developing integrated resorts instead of resorts and spas! :-p In any case, the interviewer said it will take two weeks before getting back to me, then after that it depends whether the person in Hong Kong wanted to have another round of interviews or the decision can be made just like that.

I was supposed to send some boxes for archiving today, so I stated in the request form to avoid the time between eleven to two. Yet they came at eleven twenty, when I was already at the other office waiting for the interview! Somehow everyone in my department is busy today, so the other two were both not at their desks.

Needless to say, there is more gossip about me. I called the office to ask if the people were there, and so I told them to come later because I specifically stated to avoid those times! If people did not read the instructions and came by, was it my fault then? Of course people would then start saying why am I always not in the office?

Well, I can ask the same question too! Why do people always look for me when I am not around, yet never bothers me when I am around? Just as well I am leaving, so I do not need to bother too much about what others say anymore!

The Bankruptcy Act

Everyone is on their toes. There are talks that banks may fail, that is why our Monetary Authority is stepping in. As if people are not in enough dire straits already. Some people said as long as it can be solved with money, it will not be a problem. But now one wonders if one can even have enough money to survive, let alone live.

Recently, I have been studying the Bankruptcy Act rather thoroughly. I got a big scare due to my situation a few months back, and now with accounts of friends filing for bankruptcy and being sued, I thought it is wise to know what kind of recourse there is just in case. The Act states the definition of a bankrupt, procedures and when someone will be declared bankrupt, what the Sheriff will do to a bankrupt and limitations on an undischarged bankrupt, as well as limitations even after one has been discharged.

Essentially, once a person is going to be sued for bankruptcy (or self-declare), there will be a court order, as well as a Writ of Seizure and Sale. Thus, all movable property like car, television, furniture, computer, will be sent to the Sheriff's office and auctioned off. Then a Garnishee Order will be levied on the salary, and the salary will then be transferred directly to the banks, with just a small portion for the living expenses.

Even the passport will be confiscated, and any overseas trips will have to be given permission by the Insolvency's Office. In other words, no more leisure trips! These will continue for months and years until the person has paid back every single cent, plus interest, plus late charges, plus whatever legal fees incurred.

I have a friend who is going to file for bankruptcy. She recently lost her money in bonds due to a certain bank becoming bankrupt. She is holding a relatively good job with pretty comfortable pay, and has numerous credit cards and credit lines to her name. But since the loss, she has been unable to meet her credit card payments. Of course banks start calling her and issuing her letters.

As I have mentioned, banks are the most merciless of the lot. They give good promises to get you, then turn their backs on you the moment you run into trouble. Which is why I ended up cancelling most of my facilities. Anyway, the banks wanted to do a Writ of Seizure and Sale at her place, which is impossible because she lives with her parents and technically, nothing in the place belongs to her.

So one can only imagine the stress she must be under. There are many ways when a person can go bankrupt. Often than not, it is due to lifestyle, on people who spend beyond their means. Credit card companies and banks like to do that to you – tempting you with all kinds of goodies but when you really become bankrupt, they sue you nevertheless, when it was because of their services that you become bankrupt. Does not make sense, but that is the way life goes.

Another way is to be a guarantor. Which is why it is very risky to be a guarantor, as if the person defaults on payment, you are the one the creditors go after. If one is to ask for a guarantor, one has to ensure he / she can pay no matter what happens. Even if one has to sign a contract and need guarantors to ensure the bond will not be broken, one still has to honour the contract. It is simply integrity. One cannot expect someone to help you and then get the person into trouble. Due to this, needless to say, not many people are willing to be guarantors.

There are also people who went bankrupt because their business failed, or they lost their jobs. These are the people whom we should show the most compassion to, because I do not think people ask for their businesses to fail or to lose their jobs. Some may be the sole breadwinner and have car and housing loans to pay off. Yet when they become jobless and unable to meet the payment, they still get sued, regardless of situation.

Which makes me wonder, at times, is the society really so materialistic now that money matters to all no matter what happen, without the least bit of compassion to people who are already in dire straits? When people are already down, they least one can do is to offer help or try to think of solutions, instead of hounding them when they clearly are not able to pay back for the time being. In this case, can creditors not just buy a bit of time?

Of Professional Headhunters

The job which I turned down at the American company is still not taken. The company has called me again to see if I still want to take it up, but it will still be on the same terms, which I do not feel comfortable about. Thus, I turned them down again.

Now another headhunter has approached me on the same job. All in all, three headhunters have approached me for the same job. Honestly, they need someone for the job, yet they do not want to give good terms, especially in light of the economic uncertainty. Who is willing to risk going to a contract job, albeit promise of permanency, but no guarantee when?

Having said that, I cannot help but make a comparison with the different headhunters around. Some are from big established companies, some are homegrown companies, but after dealing with quite a number of them, I have seen the difference between professionalism and non-professionalism.

The first headhunter who approached me for the job is not professional. He is only concerned about getting the deal. Afterall, if I accept the job, he will take a certain percentage of my annual package. When I told him my concerns about the reluctance to take up the job, all he told me was how good the company is, how good a learning ground it is. Yes, I know it is a good company, yes I know there are lots of exposure. But the terms are really not worth it. Yet he never addresses my concerns, only keep pushing me and trying to convince me I will be working for a good company!

When the second headhunter called me and I told him I turned down the job, he asked me why and I told him the reason. He said he knows where I am coming from. That I deserve more in terms of remuneration, that I should ask for more. He said he even told the company it is hard to find someone if they are only willing to give a six month contract position. He says he can fight for me but that will be a conflict of interest since it was the first headhunter who sort of got me the job. Now that is professionalism – addressing the candidate’s concern instead of just trying to push a sale!

The third headhunter also said the same thing as the second one when he called me for the job and I told him I turned it down. The thing is, the third headhunter called me just yesterday, when I turned down the job again because they are simply not going to budge on their terms. So it seems they really have a problem finding someone! There have been other headhunters calling me for other jobs.

One headhunter said she understands this is the end of the year and I am awaiting my bonus and increment, so it must be a very attractive offer for me to move. So she feedbacked to the company which she sent me to and they said they understand. Another one who got me the interview today also understands my concerns, and said she had already spoken to the company and they are aware.

Thus, I conclude that a good and professional headhunter should possess the following qualities :
1. Honesty
2. Integrity
3. Openness
4. Helping the company and the candidate to the best of the ability and expertise
5. Understand the market and industry very well
6. Not solicit

And these are the headhunters one should continue working with, and not those who are only concerned about getting a deal, rather than actually addressing the candidate’s concerns!

Getting Into Less Trouble

I feel really bad for my parents. They were born of humble backgrounds and managed to work and scrimped and saved to what they are today. They just wish for their children to be happy and have the best. Yet we seem to let them down all the time, no matter what age.

My mum always complains that other people’s kids are so good, so smart and so capable, but how come her own kids just take things so easy? Yes, I know I am not smart nor capable nor good, but I am trying. I hope to be capable too, I hope to be street smart too. But do these come with what your luck is like when born or how you make of things?

For instance, she used to blame me for getting myself cheated, for being so soft-hearted and gullible. True in a way, but on the other hand, do people think I like to get myself cheated? Do people think I go around asking for people to cheat me? Or she used to blame me for not being smart enough.

She said it is no wonder none of my relationships work out, because I am neither smart nor generous. True, I am not smart, but as for generosity, I did pay my share most times when I was younger! Nowadays it is the guys I go out with that ask me not to pay! So it is my fault that I cannot find someone? In any case, after being cheated, being emotional, being so soft-hearted and going so much according to my feelings, I tend to be more “heartless” now. Maybe that is why some may say I do not care about things as much as before, but honestly, there are more things in life to care about.

My mum asked me when am I going to grow up? Hmmm.. if growing up to her means getting married and starting a family, then I wish I can do that immediately as well! Can I help it if I am someone unlikeable? It is not like I did not try to find people or try to mix around, but it is not so easy like love at first sight or chemistry at first instance!

Having said that, my first brother recently quit his job. In this time when the market is so uncertain and companies are laying off staff, bosses are under extreme stress to keep the companies going, he chose to quit his job so impulsively just because his boss told him off over something.

Since when is it easy working for people? Which got my mum so riled up, because how can he do something like that at this time, without seeing the bigger picture? And he quit without even securing another job, simply because he cannot stand his boss telling him off! How can anyone be so impulsive?

Not to mention my youngest brother’s medical problem, which is somehow still recurring after his recent hospital stay. So with the family trip we are going to, plus the increase in electricity and groceries, plus the high cost of oil (which may drop, thank goodness!), plus maintaining the entire house…. I really really feel bad for my parents!

I wish I can give them less trouble, but it just happens that everything come at the same time, even when I never meant for anything to happen! So now that I am this age, I really must make it a point to make my parents happy for once, instead of making them worry more!

Asking For Respect ....

All I want is to be treated with respect. Is that even so hard to ask? Like I do not go around gossiping about everybody else, so why must they do this to me? Fine, the mouths are theirs, they can say anything they like, so I never bother making such big issues out of what people say. But when people are downright biased, it is a bit hard to bear.

The moment I joined this company and I was put in the storage room, I was already a bit taken aback, because of all the companies I worked in, this was the only place that put me in a storage room! Gives people the impression that I am treated as a lowlife! Still, I did not really care where I was sitting. Then I was shifted everywhere. Fine, so be it. I do not really care as long as I have a place to sit, even though part of me did wonder why only me? Why not anyone else?

The last time I needed to shift, I was put into the seat where another department is, and now it has been almost a year, they have been resenting the fact that I am there. I am not allowed to use their printer even though it is next to me, so whenever I have to print I have to walk quite a distance to the big printer. This is all fine and dandy.

Now they recently upgraded their printer, and it is put next to me again. The printer is rather heavy-going, so when documents are being printed, the smell is quite unbearable. It is rather unhealthy to smell ink the whole day! When the person behinds me shifted place recently, the cleaner was so helpful to help her clean the table. Yet when I needed my table cleaned, I had to do it myself. Whenever I shifted place, I had to bring my entire computer and everything else with me!

When I had things to pack, the workers got so resentful that they made me buy food for them in return! Which is still fine, as I intended to buy them drinks anyway! Then when I actually bought them coffee for helping me, they returned the drinks to me. When I requested for a heavy-going printer for my department, I was only given an old printer, and was threatened that I could only change the printer once, so if I was not satisfied with that, there would be no more!

Whenever we managed to find a place to store our documents, after a while we were asked to shift again. Worse is other departments shirked their responsibilities and dumped everything on us. Then when their things go missing, they blame me for it. Am I supposed to track their things too?

Now something that someone from another department has been handling, had gone wrong. This case was about ten years back, long before my time. My department was not even in charge of that! But because I am supposed to be the “document person”, people came looking for me. I have the original documents, but I will not have all the correspondence relating to that, and the correspondence is what they need! If people did not even want to keep their own things, why blame me? Am I supposed to be a “babysitter” to everyone?

Worst thing is that I have a big problem trying to get in touch with one of our overseas lawyers. Sending him emails and calling him simply do not work! He does not respond to any of my emails, and whenever I call him there will never be an answer. How can a law firm not have anyone?! This happened to my counsel and some other colleagues as well. When we complained to our Managing Director, he said he would call, and when he called, he happened to get the lawyer. Wonder if phone numbers are tracked and he chose to answer the calls of whoever he wished?

We really needed to reach him on some issues, but after several emails with no response, we tried calling him again. When I called him yesterday morning, a lady answered and asked me to hold. Then she asked who I was, and I identified myself. She put me on hold again and then told me he just left for court.

Hmmm…. sounds like he is avoiding my call! So I asked what time he would be in, and she said about eleven local time. So I called about twelve local time, and the lady said he was not in the office yet. I thought he went to court in the morning, so why would he not be in the office yet?! Then when I called a few hours later, no one picked up the phone again! Sounds really fishy to me!

Just as well I am going for another interview this Friday. Each time when I thought things have died down, along comes something else! If this goes on, I really should just move!

Back Into The Original Job

I have been hearing a lot of my peers leaving the industry. Practitioners have left and ventured into something else, educators have left and ventured into tutoring or other areas. The difference is for a practitioner, there are other avenues, whereas for an educator, it is too specialised for them to venture into other areas. So I have been rather fortunate.

However, I heard of someone who just went back into practice. Which is quite a surprise actually because he had sworn never to practice. He wanted a high-flying job, which was why he ended up literally flying. But I guess times are different now. He has a family to support (I have not asked if he is expecting a child yet), but I guess when one is married, the feet have to be more grounded.

So he went on a lateral transfer and went in-house, to be the counsel for the same company. Apparently, through the years, they have offered him the post three times, but he turned them down until now. Not that surprising actually (they offering him the post) since he has an excellent academic track record.

In fact, it would be a waste if the company did not offer him the post! Afterall, someone with a first-class honours will be stagnated in a less intelligent job! Besides, I know the department is in constant need of people. A pity they want only actual graduates and practitioners, otherwise I would have applied already!

I just wished him all the best on his new venture, and hopefully he can find the challenge which he always crave for! I believe things will be tough at first, considering it had been like seven years since graduation, and he would have lost touch with most things, but if I can do it despite not having the full background, all the more he can!

Times Of Trouble ....

Everyone is on their toes. Projects have been halted, headcount has been frozen, all the departments are rather lax lately. Which is not a good sign, as that means the company is going to downsize. And when the company downsizes, some people have to go. That is why everyone is worrying about themselves.

The company that I turned down called me just now. Apparently, for some reason, they still think I am most suitable for the job, so wanted to offer me again, but still on the same terms. Contract pending headcount approval before converting to permanent, a mere fifteen percent increase in remuneration, half a month's bonus after six months, nothing else. So I still have to forfeit a three months' bonus in my current company!

Come to think of it, with the market situation being such, and the company's cutting cost by suspending quite a number of projects, will we still get any bonus in the end? Will we even get a thirteenth month in the first place? If I am not going to get a bonus anyway, then I really may as well leave!

Finally our Monetary Authority has stepped in to guarantee deposits! Does that mean things are getting better? Our money is parked safely, but on the other hand, does it mean that banks are failing which means the authority has to step in? Are banks and insurance companies safe in times like these? Perhaps we should just do what old ladies do - put whatever we have in biscuit tins!

This period of time is really bad for many things. My best friend is holding her wedding ceremony in a month's time. The turnout may not be good, or even then, she may make a loss as people may not be willing to give so much at this time. But she cannot cancel her wedding now, they have been preparing it for a year! Everyone knows way in advance her wedding is on that day!

Another friend of mine just got saddled with a five-figure debt because the business she and her husband set up failed, and that guy absconded with whatever money left and disappeared. Attempts to contact him proved futile, and now the banks are calling her up to pay off the debts when she is in dire straits.

She has her three kids and parents and in-laws to support. Her parents are not able to help her because all along she was the one supporting them, and her in-laws blamed her for the husband's "disappearance", thus refused to help her. She wanted to engage a lawyer to fight the case and petition for divorce, but at the same time, she is not able to afford the lawyer's fees. What a sad case!

Whenever things go wrong, why do people always blame the girl? If the guy has an affair, it is because she cannot satisfy him enough. If the guy throws a tantrum and hit her, it is because she is not understanding enough. So if the guy absconded, it is because she did not treat him well enough?

What rubbish! Why not say it is because the guy is downright irresponsible, unreliable, undependable and totally self-centred? Which decent man will run away in times of trouble and leave the family in the lurch to clean up the mess for him? Makes me wonder if there are any good man left.

What Will The Future Hold?

I have been really lucky. So have many others my age. We have not been through any real crisis, like war or depression or famine. Because of the country I am staying in, there are also no natural disasters. No earthquakes, no volcanoes, no deserts, no droughts, no sandstorms, no hails, no typhoons, hurricanes and cyclones. Even the tsunami bypassed us!

Being a developed country, there is also no poverty and no hunger. The “poverty” people feel when they go bankrupt is nothing as compared to those in real poverty. No racial and political protests and civil wars. Maybe that is why people of my generation (a bit older and younger) have been taking life easy. We have been taking things for granted. Complaining about everything and anything under the sun. We have been saying how bad the country is, how “unrecgonised” our talents are, how rigid the system is.

All true in a way, but if one comes to think of it, we are lucky to be able to go to school. To learn how to read and write. To be able to have resources at our doorsteps and fingertips. If one is not smart enough or not inclined or motivated enough, then there is no one else we can blame. People say they hate reading, they do not bother keeping up with the times. But they should be thankful they could even have the opportunity to read and write.

People say they are stuck in a dead end job, hard to make ends meet. But they should be grateful they still have a roof over their heads and earning a salary. I am of the generation that have not experienced any wars. I was born during the time when the country had become independent, no longer under our colonial masters, and split from our neighbours.

I grew up during the time when the nation was fast developing into a world class country. And I was born and brought up in a family that has never experienced staying in public housing. There had never been instances where there was no food on the table, or my parents asking me to stop schooling because they could not afford the fees.

Like any young kid, I yearned to have more, but still, I had been very fortunate. I never experienced the first World War, nor the Great Depression, nor the second World War, nor the fight for independence. I had never experienced the recession of the late eighties, where my parents were luckily holding rather stable jobs then. Even the Asian Financial Crisis of the late nineties did not affect me that much. I was still in school.

The turmoil after 911, the tsunami, all did not affect me, as I was in the civil service, thus had an “iron rice bowl”. Where I saw my peers being affected by the Asian Financial Crisis (some had to downgrade their lifestyles), and the aftermath of 911 and the tsunami saw many who could not find jobs or got released from their jobs, as that was the time when most just graduated.

Now, with the rest of the world being in turmoil, I have finally sat up to take notice. Now I wish I had paid attention during Economics classes, or shown more interest in the subject. Now I wish I could have gone into the Finance line instead, so I would not be kept in the dark so much about what was going on.

Seems like almost every decade since the twentieth century, something happened. The first world war of the 1910s. The Great Depression of the 1930s. The second world war of the 1940s. The fight to independence of the 1960s. The stock market crash of the 1980s. The Asian Financial Crisis of the 1990s.

Now, just one decade into the twenty-first century, things start happening on bigger scales. The terrorist attacks of 2001. The bombing of the London Tube in 2005. The current financial crisis going around. What will the future bring?

Get Rid Of "Bad Credit"!

The few major things that will happen in an adult life – career, money, relationships. I thought of an analogy that interlinks all together. For instance, if someone runs into financial woes be it bad credit or unable to pay back the regular instalments or mortgaged assets, this can be linked to the “bad” people we meet in our lives.

I cannot comment on how a guy views this, because the make up of a man and a woman is simply different. But I notice that being with a self-centred and irresponsible guy is equivalent to being in debt. Afterall, when credit card companies want you to try their services, they market their products so aggressively, but the moment you run into trouble, they are the first to turn their backs on you and all their “promises” were nothing.

Same goes with a “heartless” guy. When a guy goes all out to woo a girl, he will shower her with all the sweet talk, promise all kinds of things, just to get his target. When she has actually fallen for him and willing to pursue the relationship, he suddenly gets distant, and runs away in the first sign of trouble, forgetting all his “empty promises”. Maybe that is why some woman has no need to find a guy. Afterall, life is already full of troubles, one does not need another trouble maker to create more problems.

On the other hand, if one is in a good job, it is correlated to being in a good relationship. For instance, you enter a job you think you like, without knowing anything about the inner core of the company. After working there, you either like it or do not like it. If you find it is something you do not mind, you just continue working there and being committed to doing your job well. If it is something you feel very unhappy about, then you just either live with it and stop grumbling, or just make your choice and get out.

Same goes for a relationship. You go with someone you like, but whatever you know of the person is but superficial. Honestly, no matter how close as friends both are, both will never know each other that thoroughly unless both are in a relationship together, because there are simply some sides which one will never show to a friend, even a close friend.

So after entering into the relationship, you start to know each other better – the quirks, the pet peeves, the values, the imperfections. Then you either decide whether you can tolerate or cannot tolerate. If you find that those are things you can tolerate, then just continue being committed and go on to a further relationship. Otherwise, if you really cannot tolerate, stop being unhappy and just get out and move on.

Of course, it is easier said than done. Like a job, people fear the uncertainty. If one is not happy in a job, they can only live with it and move on only if better opportunities come abound. Not many will be willing to take the risk to suddenly quit and stay jobless for goodness knows how long.

Just like in a relationship. People fear the uncertainty. If they are already with this person for quite some time, they have already gotten used to how this person is like, so despite being unhappy, they will still hold on, as they are afraid if they get out, they may never find another person to be with. Afterall, most people will not want to be stuck single for years if they can help it. To many, being in a relationship is better than not being in one.

But actually when things happen, you find that they are actually not that bad. I left a job once without finding a new job because I really could not bear working there anymore! Yes, people have said I was stupid, but after that, it did not take me that long to find a new job. Even if things did not work out in the end, at least I did not stay jobless for long.

Same goes for relationships. I have friends who when they finally got out of the relationship, they found someone else within weeks or months. I used to hold on as I fear I would never find anyone else, but in the end, I managed to find people who are much better in every aspect. Although I am still not with anyone, at least things are better as I do not need to be in an unhappy relationship and start being stressed over the little things that will come.

Even though I have been single for the longest time (considering my history), still I have survived pretty well, and much happier than when I was still in the relationship. Of course, a job is a little different. A job is for livelihood, so even if things are that bad, at times one still has to stick on.

A relationship is not for livelihood. It is for companionship and happiness. You do not need to depend on it to survive. Thus it is easier to chuck aside a relationship that is going nowhere than a job. So if there are any bad debts and bad credit, nip them in the bud, throw them out and start restructuring your life. If you are stuck in a thankless job, find something better and start anew. Nothing is that bad!

Women Are Choosy Because (Some) Men Are Pricks!

There was an article in the papers yesterday about the number of people marrying foreigners, and on how some matchmaking agencies handle exclusively “foreign imports” for a rather steep price per match. If I am to pay a five-figure sum just to find a foreign husband, I rather spend that amount of money travelling the world, hopefully to find a foreign husband on my own rather than through a third party!

The article states that the reason why more people are marrying foreigners is because due to globalization, more and more locals are going overseas be it for studies, leisure or work. It is no surprise some end up meeting their future halves overseas. In any case, all depend on fate. Some are just luckier than others. My friend is so well-travelled, has worked in various countries, yet he still has not met anyone. Neither have I met anyone in any of my travels.

The thing is for local girls who marry foreigners, a big number end up being married to Caucasians. These girls are smart, sassy, well-educated, established and professional, and their husbands are the same kinds. People think it is because these girls are SPGs, but actually, not all Caucasians here are rich – staying in big houses and drive fancy cars. There are some who are normal wage earners, take public transport and stay in flats as well.

Whereas for local guys who marry foreigners, it is mainly the other way round. These guys are normally simpler, not as highly educated, in simpler jobs, and end up marrying girls from the other Asian countries – girls who may be much younger and not as educated, but who want so much to escape their countries and come here to have a better life. So even if they do not work and depend on the husbands, they are very happy about that too.

Maybe it is to do with lifestyle and upbringing. Education and exposure give different perspectives to a person. There are many people here who are still stuck in their own worlds, but there are also many who are very interesting people. Then there is the common question on whether local girls are simply too choosy. Actually, based on some guys I know, one can understand why girls are choosy. If all they meet are guys who have sex on their minds and not willing to be committed, how can anyone not be choosy? Or meet guys who are so shallow and not able to see the deeper picture.

I have a friend who broke off with her ex of more than nine years. They have been together since polytechnic. She has a rather good attitude to learn, so after completing her studies, she enrolled herself in part-time university studies, while working at the same time. Then she got her degree and went on to pursue her Masters. As a result, she got promoted at work.

Her ex, on the other hand, managed to find a job after his army. But he is not worried about prospects, and comfortable doing a simple job with normal pay. In any case, anyone here knows how different it is for a non-graduate and a graduate in the working world. There is a very big difference in the salary of a graduate and that of a non-graduate! Heck, there is already a big difference between the salary of an honours and a non-honours!

So, anyone with any inclination of a better life will want to upgrade instead of being stuck where they are. But the guy just refused. He kept giving the excuse that studying was a big struggle, already working so what for still study? He rather spends his time playing soccer and computer games. Fine, to each their own.

She was fine with it. But when she got promoted and started having higher qualifications, he was the one who had the issues. Like he got very insecure, asked her why did she have to study so much, why must she earn more than him, was it because she looked down on him? On one hand, she did not wish to give up her ambitions because of him. On the other hand, she was in a difficult spot as she did not want him to feel inadequate.

So, she showed her support and encouragement, but at the same time hinted perhaps he could upgrade and so they could have a better life overall. And he just refused. He accused her of being materialistic, of wanting more money, of not being satisfied with what he could afford, of looking down on him. In the end, things did not work out, because he could not accept her being better and she could not tolerate his childishness.

Now, she is getting married to someone with a Masters in Business Administration, and earning more than her. But also, he had no qualms her being higher educated or earning more than him even if she was to take up further studies and opportunity. When her ex found out, he kicked up a big fuss, that how right he was that she was just someone materialistic who wanted a guy to earn so much for her, etc.

Honestly, anyone would have kicked the guy out long ago. But that is girls for you, when they really love someone, they will do everything they can to hold on to the relationship, until it got to the stage where nothing could work anymore. In any case, it is not the educational qualifications or how much he is earning, but his overall attitude and mentality that matters.

So if one meets a guy like that, do people honestly think it is the girl who is too choosy? Why not say the guy is choosy too, that he cannot accept it if the girl is better educated or have a better career than him? And he does not want to support her in her path in life? Afterall, girls like someone who can support her as well as she makes her way in life, just like how she will support him.

I am not saying no girls will like him, perhaps someone with his kind of mentality – simple, easy going, not much ambition – will accept him. Or a foreigner who just needs a man and a family and nothing else. Anyone with any ambition and who wants a better life will not be able to tolerate (cannot say for all, but in general that is the case).

Then there are other kinds of guys, who have other issues of their own. Like they have a series of broken relationships with temperamental girls. I am not saying that girls are all temperamental, but from my own experience, at times, a girl being bad-tempered can be triggered off by the guy. If a girl is not treated with due respect, she will lose her temper sooner or later. Not just a girl, anyone who has been taken for granted and not treated with respect, will lose the temper sooner or later!

Yet guys will never examine themselves. They always think it is the girl at fault. For instance, I have a friend who has been here for a decade as she came here to study. She has been living on her own or sharing with roommates since then. Late last year, she met a guy. The guy is very possessive – call her every lunch time and every day when she knocks off. He will probe and interrogate whenever she receives messages from guys or when she is out having meals with her guy friends or colleagues.

When she lost her way and ended up in the red light district once in a heavy rain late at night and she called him for help, he scolded her for going out without his permission in the first place, and served her right to be stuck in the rain in the red light district and dirty old men thinking lewd thoughts about her, so she should just go opposite and take another bus back or take a cab back.

She was so mad because of that! Her friend, even as just a friend, actually sent her a message asking if she had reached home, and when she told him her situation, he was immediately concerned and offered to call her and talk to her on the phone until she reached home. Yet her own boyfriend could treat her so callously, after she called him and he made those remarks, he never once bothered to call her back or sent her a message asking how she was. In this case, is it really the girl's fault if she got irritated with the guy? And he accused her of being temperamental!

Early this year, her lease was up so she had to shift. He offered for her to move in with him, but she thought it would be going too fast too soon, so refused. Now they are living on different ends of the island. He would drive to her place to pick her up all the time. However, recently, he had been grumbling how far it was to pick her up.

Now, her lease is up again. She wanted to renew her lease, but he said to find a place near his area so it would be more convenient for him to meet her. Yet when she actually managed to find a place opposite his, he panicked, saying why must she move so near to him, does she expect him to marry her if she moves so near to him, it is as if she is moving into his house. She was so angry at why he was changing his tune so fast, when just months back, he wanted her to move in with him! So she decided to just renew her lease at her current place and not shift anywhere!

If we happen to meet guys like that, who make us so unhappy that we cannot even focus on anything, then when we break up to keep our sanity, we get blamed for being choosy?! Which is why many girls decide to give up on local guys and just go with a foreigner – someone more interesting, gracious and generous.

I am not saying all foreigners are good, there are lots of jerks and pricks amongst them too, but what I am saying is that when we find a mate, we will want someone whom we are happy with, and not someone who makes us unhappy. So if we happen to meet someone who fulfils all but he is not local, it is really by chance, and not because we deliberately seek them out (granted even if there are girls who only want foreigners).

All I am saying is that, if guys complain girls go for foreigners, then maybe the guys should first examine their own attitudes, whether they can give the girl a happy life, before they start labeling the girls. If girls complain that guys end up with foreigners as well, then they should also ask themselves if they are willing to just lead a simple life with just a husband and family and not crave for much. If both are not willing to compromise, then just move on and find a suitable match, instead of griping about why things are the way they are.

Petty And Trivial Matters In Light Of The Big Picture

I have been joining online forums and groups. To date, I am a member of one google group, one MSN group and four Yahoo groups. People join these groups for different purposes, but the main purpose is to engage in interactive discussions and contribute to various topics as a member.

Thus, once we have something to share in the forum, we will email the group and then everyone in the group will see what we have written. Things have been pretty interesting. I cannot say things are always so wholesome, because there will be people who disagree with you or feel offended over things you say. At times, one either refrain from being too sensitive or just keep silent.

However, if one is to join a group and then send an email to the group, one is to expect that everyone in the group will get to see his / her email. That is why people chose to join the group in the first place - to have their opinions read / heard and contribute to the forum! So, if someone is to send an email to the group, everyone in the group will get to read it.

If one wants to just speak to a certain individual, he / she can just send a personal email to the individual, and not the whole group! If what one says is only for someone and not others, then there are other means of communicating and contact, right?

But people, probably being the lazy and "convenient" beings they are, will just click on the most convenient link - the email address of the group. Normally, the moderator or the members have their own individual emails. If one only bothers to check, they will know. But some do not bother even checking, and just click on the default email, then when the message was sent to the whole group, he / she starts panicking as people get to see the name and the query, so may start getting sensitive about the issue at hand.

Then the person again reply to the whole group, asking the moderator or person in-charge to remove the email just so the name and the message will not be broadcast to all. In the first place, if one joins a group and emails to the group, one should expect the message to be broadcasted to all. In the second place, if the person really does not want the message to be broadcasted to all, he / she should have checked the email address of the addressee and then send a personal email, instead of to the whole group.

Even if the message was accidentally sent to everyone, there would be a delete or remove icon to remove the whole post. If the person does not even bother doing that, why panic and then ask the addressee to remove the post? It is not the addressee's business. It is the sender who had the message to convey, so how can the sender then turn around and ask the addressee not to broadcast the message or remove it from being broadcast?

Is that not just so ridiculous? It is just a small simple thing, yet is someone expected to do that for you when it was your own mistake in the first place? At times, incidences like these, one can size up one's character very fast. Which is why impressions do count. If people go around creating impressions that are not that good, it is hard for anyone to go beyond the first impression and comment on anything positive.

Which is why a certain contender for the United States Vice-President is now in hot soup, for the shallow things that have been done. Politics is never clean, but still, showing the world how "idiotic" one is makes matters worse!

Rice Bowl!

For the past two weeks or so, I have been eating a different kind of rice at home without even realizing it! All along, we were eating rice from Thailand – thick, a bit hard and rather aromatic. As an Asian, I grow up eating rice as a staple food. My parents are still open to adventures, if we go for different cuisines, but to my grandmother, rice is a must for every meal. She would frown if we eat steak or whatnot as our main course instead of rice, as to her, she can never fathom how anyone can be full without eating any rice!

I have tried different kinds of rice – polished, unpolished, Japanese, Korean, Thai, Australian. Rice can be cooked into porridge (for coarse grains) or congee (for fine grains). Chicken congee mixed with shredded chicken and fried onion, with fried dough fritters and sesame oil is the best! Japanese rice seems finer, as do Korean rice. Australian rice is pretty fine, and best to be used in making porridge.

When I was in lower secondary, we had to do a science investigative project and I chose to investigate the cooking times, temperatures and texture of the various kinds of rice. I discovered that Thai rice still takes the shortest time to cook and turns out the coarsest and most aromatic. There were times when I had unpolished rice, cooked as porridge. The porridge looks reddish brown, and tastes better than normal white porridge (which essentially is rather bland if it is just plain porridge). When I was young, whenever I had to take porridge, I would add it with Bovril or Marmite to sweeten it.

However, for the past couple of weeks, I did not even know I had been eating a different kind of rice! The price of Thai rice is getting rather exorbitant lately, and in order to buy enough to feed a family at the same price, my mum switched to Vietnamese rice. It was only after my dad commented the rice is a bit harder that I realize it was a different kind of rice!

The texture of Vietnamese rice is a bit coarser than Thai rice, thus harder. But the difference is very insignificant, in fact, hardly noticeable until my dad made the remark! It does not matter to me actually, whether the rice is hard or soft. It is just a staple food and I have gotten rather immune to eating it that I do not notice the taste anymore!

In these trying times, it is best to cut whatever we can cut. My family is not that fussy over what we eat as long as we do not starve. Even electricity bills have increased, so we have been told to cut down on that as well! Which means no more sleeping with the lights on!

Cost Cutting ....

When times are bad, the public feels it the worst. All extras (dining out, investment, et al) are cut down. I saw this from my company’s exhibition yesterday. Last year, the place was booming. People streamed in and out. Everyone was so busy that I had to stand in as a sales person as well, to answer queries and convince potential investors how good the investment would be.

This year, the exhibition was hardly what one could call a success. I was not there on Saturday, but I was told there was only one reservation. Yesterday, there was hardly anyone. People came by, but there was no crowd at all. The place looked really empty and depressing. In the end, there were only two reservations for the entire weekend! Last year’s turnout was better than expected. This year, it was worse than expected, that now I heard the overseas exhibitions may be cancelled.

Everywhere, everyone is cutting costs. Even big reputable companies are cutting costs, that they are either retrenching some staff or freezing headcounts. In this case, I really worry about my job! Even if I may or may not be leaving, I worry that in the event I do not get another job, I may end up losing this job as well!

After all, when companies are downsizing or freezing headcount, they tend to get rid of the “redundant” staff within departments, and who can be more “redundant” than the least qualified professional? Wonder if I still have a job when I return? Everything happens at such times! I wonder if I can still sail by my “remaining days” smoothly and have a smooth-sailing “turning of decade”?

Keys To A Smart And Happy Love Life

I went to a very inspiring seminar today, exclusively for singles (although there were a few couples), on how to create a healthy and happy relationship. The tips are really useful indeed! The speaker is a motivational and educational speaker in the United States, who gives talks on love, relationship and marriage counselling. The best thing is, it was only S$20.00, for the whole day, inclusive of two tea breaks, lunch, a hotel ballroom, exhibition booths by the various dating / matchmaking agencies and the speaker herself. Really worth it, unlike those more expensive workshops at more dubious venues with no refreshments and a not-as-interesting speaker!

The workshop itself was rather interactive, as whenever she had an example to highlight, she would show us movie clips and real life videos and then asked us to partner up and talk about the clip. Unfortunately, locals, being who they are, are reluctant to participate or interact and talk to anyone they do not know. Two people can sit next to each other and yet not speak a word! There was a guy sitting next to me but he totally ignored me when I was trying to strike up a conversation!

The speaker started off with asking what is the purpose of love? Essentially it is for survival. Apparently, research has shown that those who have love relationships (parents, siblings, friends, couples, etc) are happier and more successful people, because they have someone to share with. It is true, is it not? One gets more motivated to succeed if there is support. Afterall, no man is an island. There is a reason why hermits and recluse are stereotypically bad-tempered, because they do not have anyone to share their happiness and life.

She told us a true story on how when a couple went boating once, a jet ski almost crashed into the boat, narrowly missing the couple just on time. When asked the wife why she did not jump into the water as that would be the most sensible thing, she replied, "Because my husband can't swim." I was like "Awwww...." after hearing that. It is not a matter of dying for the person, but is it not so sweet? That the wife was willing to be there for the husband no matter what happened, instead of escaping on her own.

And that is what mature love is. It is not passionate or touchy-feely like young romantic love, but the commitment and dependability during times of trouble. The speaker said mature love is unspoken - there is no need for "I love you" or "I want to be with you" but rather the actions show more than empty promises. To love is to commit. Commitment gives someone the right to fulfil needs, and the purpose of love is for self-fulfilment. Of course, that is not to say the partner should fulfil each others' needs all the time no matter what, but being committed means to fulfil each other's needs to the best of each other's abilities.

And the very basic of maintaining love? Show interest in the person! Pay attention, remember what each other says. The number one cause of breakup is because the couple grew apart, and the number one reason why they grew apart in the first place was because they were no longer showing interest in each other. Thus, in relationships, attention is important. Attention does not mean pampering or giving in all the time, but the ability to listen, talk, remember and notice. For instance, if she has a new hairstyle, he can show he notices by complimenting it.

Next, she touched on the truth about love. Love is not attraction, chemistry, sexual desire and infatuation. She said the concept of chemistry is a big misunderstanding. People who have "chemistry" with each other may not necessarily be a good match. Chemistry makes one attracted and infatuated, makes one sexually aroused, but that may not equate to love or compatibility. There may be many we have chemistry with, but once we have met enough people, we will then be able to find a compatible match, thus it is very important to go out and socialise and meet as many people as possible!

Sexual arousal is also not love. Precisely! I can never fathom why people always equate sex with love. Only with love then comes sex, is it not, rather than the other way around? Anyone can feel aroused if the other person has a sexy body or triggers off a desire to desire in the brain, but that does not mean one is in love with the person. Lastly, infatuation is not love, although it is often mistaken for love. Infatuation is being interested in the person, and interest is the first sign of chemistry. However, infatuation (or "falling in love") is just a stage of love. Falling in love is easy, but staying in love is hard. Thus, true love only begins when infatuation ends. This does not happen instantaneously but through time.

At this point, we were asked to get into groups and discuss what infatuation meant to us. There was a guy who had never dated before, never liked anyone before, so when we asked him, he did not know how to answer. Actually even if he had never gone out with anyone before, it is rather common sensical right? Just imagine what you will do if you meet someone you like and want to go out with!

She also said men make quick decisions in asking a woman out, but take a longer time to commit. Whereas a woman will not be so hasty to go out with a man, but once she does, she will deem him as "potential" and will be ready to commit. How true!

After this, we had the first tea break. Then she touched on what attracts men and women. Apparently, men are attracted to women's physical appearance (subjective because beauty is in the eyes of the beholder), romance (men do like romance, as they are expected to give romance but yet women do not give back the romance), contribution to the relationship (a woman's capability and earning power) and appreciation. Nothing makes a man feels better than a woman who appreciates him and happy with him. Something in light of what John Gray said!

And what do women want in a relationship? At this point, I noticed the men sitting up straight and paying full attention! Women want a man who is of good character (encompassing dependability, trustworthiness, reliability). In other words, someone who can be depended upon during difficult times and not someone who runs away. Someone who is trustworthy enough to remain faithful and not be embroiled in any extra affairs. Women also want someone who is a good provider (for her and the family), good personality (whether he can show respect to her, elders and peers, supportive), a parent and a partner.

Then she touched on the challenges facing men in relationships. Men tend to have a problem in a monogamous relationship. They have to make it a point to remind themselves that once committed, they have to be faithful to their partners. Men also have a problem listening as when a woman is upset, she will tend to just rave and rant and all she needs is a listening ear, but to men, he will helpfully try to give her some solutions which she will not appreciate. He just needs to be quiet and listen to her and that is all that will make her happy. She does not need solutions unless she specifically asks for help. If she does not, then just lend the ears and shoulders and that will do. Yes, it is that easy! We are really not that hard to please!

Men also have a problem talking. The speaker said men can talk as much as women as long as he feels secure, but he chose not to talk if there is an impending conflict. The reason women talk is because they need to connect through talking. However, men will only talk when there is already a connection. He will not talk for recreation, not like women who can talk about anything and everything. Somehow that is not true as in the case of a certain someone. He talks more, if not as much, as me!

The challenges for women in relationships are communication and connection. As she said, women need to talk to connect. So if the man is not talking, she will feel unconnected and insecure. Women are hypersensitive to isolation, which is why they get fearful whenever the man gets distant. To a man, distance does not mean he does not care for her or not thinking of her, but to a woman, distant may mean he does not think of her as much anymore. It is in the woman's make up.

So, man just have to call or message as and when to reassure the woman he is on the same page as her and alleviate her fears. He does not need to call her every hour or everyday, but if he goes by a week without talking to her, she will feel uncomfortable. So even if he is busy for the week, he has to make the effort to just send her a message asking her how she is, tell her a bit of what he is doing. As long as the woman is assured that he is still talking to her, she will be placated.

Thus, men are hypersensitive to being blamed and criticised, whereas women are hypersensitive to isolation and neglect. In order for a woman to communicate with a man, she should not say words that blame him. Instead, put it in a positive note, like "I will love it if you can wash the dishes tonight", instead of "Why can't you wash the dishes, just once?". Men, on the other hand, can communicate with a woman by putting her heart at ease. For instance, if he is to be caught up in a project that will keep him very busy, he can tell her that he will be rather busy lately so may not contact her that often, but she need not worry because it is because of her that he is motivated to work.

The speaker also gave us a chart on men's and women's brains. In a man's brain, all the functions are boxed out specifically. Sports, work, sex, money. provide, family, children. If he is doing one of those, he can only be focused on one, and will not be attentive to anything else. There is even a box filled with nothing as men tend to just think of nothing at times. A woman's brain is more complicated. It is a mass of mess, with everything inter-connected. Children, family, money, provide, housework. Everything is linked.

Thus when a woman is doing housework, she can suddenly remember that her children has not had their meals so will go cook, then while she is cooking, she will suddenly realise that the dining table has not been cleaned so will go and clean it, and so on. Which is why women can multi-task, because she can think of everything at one time, instead of just focusing on one thing like a man. Therefore, in order to improve any relationship without talking, men and women have to respect and understand the differences between the two genders!

We breaked for lunch after that. After lunch, the speaker touched on dating versus mating. She talked about soulmates and what women want on dates. In most cases, women want a man who is generous within his means. Most women who were asked stated that they would still like a man to pay for them, not for everything, but the dinner, then she will offer to pay for drinks later. And men should always see a girl home, whether he drives or not. Also, women do not need expensive gifts or flowers all the time, but will appreciate little surprises. But if they have to tell a man what they want, then that will not be a surprise anymore!

Okay, men cannot really read what is in a girl's mind, but it is true we do not need to go high class all the time or that men have to spend hours preparing a nice dinner. Sometimes just a call to say "I love you", or a surprise pick up from work, or a casual night out spontaneously will do. Essentially, women just want to feel valued and loved by the man, instead of the man just providing for the family and talking about bills and kids, and not doing anything for her.

The speaker then touched on soulmates. She said soulmates are not to be found instantly, only through time and if both can maintain the love. Many people make the mistake of thinking the person is the soulmate after just weeks or months, but that would be still the infatuation stage, and at this stage, the partner is definitely good in every aspect. Only after years and you realise the person is your soulmate then that is the real feeling.

How to determine soulmates? First, there is a presence, as in attention, interest, being attuned to each other, remember things said. Second, understanding. Like for example, he understands that she gets very irritated when he disturbs her while she is watching a sappy show, so he leaves her alone until after the show, even if he does not watch with her. Third, responds congruently out of the understanding. For instance, if she is allergic to seafood, then he will not bring her to a seafood restaurant or ask her to eat seafood knowing her allergies.

In other words, like what John Gray said, soulmates bring out the best in each other. Love is the wish to make the other person happy. One can only determine one is truly in love if the other person's happiness means everything to you. And the biggest resistance to love is not having the courage to let someone love you. Very true!

We had another tea break, then she touched on the last part of the seminar - Is marriage worth it? She said the four bad habits of marriage are : Criticism, Defensiveness, Withdrawal and Contempt. It goes a full circle. If the partner is critical, the natural reaction to criticism is defensiveness. Then to avoid further conflict, there will be withdrawal. As a result, communication breaks down and there will be contempt. That is the road to disaster.

Why is marriage so important? Marriage is the highest form of commitment from anyone. A committed relationship makes us a better person, because we learn how to adapt to each other, how to live with someone else, how to take the person as he / she is, how to accept all the shortcomings of the person. Many people are unwilling to commit so they do not need to learn how to adapt to another person. In other words, marriage is one's last best chance to really grow up, as it requires responsibility, reinforces commitment and fosters maturity. One must be able to handle things as a couple before the marriage can work instead of focusing on self.

There are queries on what about cohabitation? The speaker herself said if people are cohabiting because they are getting married, then it is still okay. However, if people are cohabiting in lieu of marriage, then there will be negative effects on self, relationship and whatever children that comes. Sliding into marriage is also not a good idea, because one is getting married just for the sake of getting married. In other words, get married only when one is fully prepared to commit!

The last part is on forgiveness and affairs. Those who have affairs are those who do not respect marriage. People can love more than one person, but can only be infatuated with one person at one time. However, if one is already married, then you make a commitment to be truthful and faithful to just one person. Imagine the hurt your partner will feel. But love is about forgiveness, so if the partner comes begging for your forgiveness, then do forgive.

At the same time, the partner can do the following things if the trust is already broken. First, cut off all contact with the third party. There is a question of how long, but the speaker said should be forever. Second, give whatever information and details of the affair to the partner to ensure openness. Not willing to talk about it will only show that you have something to hide. Third, show real remorse. Fourth, build up the trust again. This will be difficult and time-consuming, but just have to keep trying. Tell the partner what you want to do, ensure you do it, and keep at it until things are better and you are truly forgiven. Last but not least, forgive each other - the one who broke the trust and the one who was hurt.

The speaker also said forgiveness is only for one time, because a repeat offender means he / she will never change, thus no point forgiving the person again and again. Which means trust, if broken, is hard to build up again, but once it has been built up, ensure that there is no more mistakes! The speaker than ended off by saying that we are all looking for happiness, but happiness does not come from others but ourselves. So, we have to love ourselves first before we can love others and vice versa!

All in all, it is a very useful and enriching session. I really hope she comes again! I truly recommend anyone who wants to improve on relationships to go to her talk!

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Toastmasters, United

I have been checking out some Toastmasters Clubs lately, and came across a really good one. It is not a sudden whim of fancy that I am joining toastmasters. In fact, I have been rather interested since young, but due to other commitments, was unable to make a full commitment to attend the meetings on a regular basis. Then, other things came along so I pushed that thought to the back of my mind.

Recently, due to the various job interviews I went to, I decided if I am to work in a big global company, I need to polish up on my presentation, speaking and communication skills. Not to be proud or anything, but I believe I am rather articulate, much better than a lot of people. Still, there are rooms for improvement. And if I am to speak with native speakers in an open and outspoken culture, there is a lot of polishing up to do!

Thus, the Toastmasters. To improve one's articulation, public speaking, presentation and confidence. What better way to speak with confidence and gain people's trust, attention and cooperation than to deliver a coherent and interesting speech? If I am the listener, I will not want someone who struggles with every word, who is not able to convey the message in the briefest form possible, and who lacks confidence in convincing people. So if I am to be noticed, I must get noticed in the first place!

Anyway, this is just some research. It is not the right time to join as yet, considering members have to pay an annual membership fee. I will have to wait until next year and a trial session to see if I am willing to make this commitment. But if I want to improve, some commitments have to be made. I am already not intelligent enough, otherwise I will be in MENSA, so the next alternative is to be articulate enough to show my capabilities!

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A Great Great Depression?

Our government just admitted we are in a "technical recession". Why not just come right out and say we are in a recession? Is it any surprise? Things have been going downhill. Creditors (aka banks and financial institutions) are hounding their debtors to death. Honestly, if people fall on hard times, and they can hardly make ends meet already, is it any use pestering them all the time, giving summons, hounding their family members, suing them for legal costs and whatnot, calling their employers and making them lose their jobs?

Does not make sense right? If they want their money back, would pushing them to a corner when they are already dry help matters? Or worse, calling up their employers and making them lose their jobs, then they will never be able to get the money to pay back! Creditors always think they have every right to demand every single cent back, with interest, which is true, so they will have no qualms about circumstances except to get the payment. But upon thinking, have they ever considered if they ruin a person's life and name, and the person will lose the job and may not get another job, how on earth are they going to get their money back?

I guess with the economic prognosis being bleak, all the banks are getting so aggressive and merciless. At times I wonder, who is going to be responsible if a person jumps down because of all the hounding of creditors? Incidentally, the New Zealand dollar has dropped! Good news for us!

This is such a bad time for everything. My company is having a property launch during the weekend, and today we were brainstorming on the kind of questions potential investors may ask at this time. Like for instance, we may foresee questions like what will happen if the company goes bankrupt? What will happen if they do not get the cash returns as promised due to the economy downturn?

Once there is a recession, the industry my company is in will be one of those being hit the most. Afterall, if cash flow is tight, no one will indulge in luxurious resorts and spas. A certain financial giant is still answering to their extravagant retreat despite being bailed out. Looks like everyone really has to beware of a Great Great Depression ahead! Hold on to your horses!

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Lonely Hearts Club?

I realise the more people I meet, the wider my scope becomes, and now I can be happy to say that despite meeting some undesirable people, at least I have been enriched. Nowadays whenever people try to be cynical or say something "childish", I will always ask them, "You don't know that many people, don't you?" And they will always be astonished and wondered how I knew. For instance, some guys assume all girls are the same so try to behave the same way to every girl they meet. What they fail to realise is that people are different. Not every girl is a slut or so loose, and not every girl is the type to worship the ground the guy walks on.

Just like when girls have been treated badly or been treated very well, they will assume that every guy is the same - should treat them just as badly or just as well. I know girls, being who they are, are more prone to masochism than guys, but still, why be stuck in something if the guy clearly cares more for himself than you? Guys are fond of changing their minds! They can sweet talk you, promise you all kinds of things, convince you they want to be with you, then suddenly pick on minor things and drop you on the spot. I have gone through so many of these that I know for sure what I am talking about.

There are still many people out there who rather want company than being with someone. Now the people whose companies I enjoy are those who genuinely want to get to know me as a friend, then just enjoy ourselves with each other, without having the burden of thinking whether he / she is the one. Know each other first before seeing if anything will happen. Sad to say, there are many who miss their chances simply because they are looking for perfection, when a perfect match is but a pipe's dream.

I know there are many lonely souls out there, but that does not mean just grabbing anyone to be with because of loneliness. Hey, I get lonely too, at times when I do things, or when I was so stressed, or when I was facing problems, I do wish there is someone by my side, to share my burdens and moods. There are some well-meaning people saying I should go and get what I want if I kind of like a person, but to me, "kind of like" does not equate to really being in love and wanting to be with the person above all else. Which is why I am not doing anything until I am absolutely sure.

On the other hand, these same well-meaning people also said no point waiting, just move on and accept whoever. But that is one thing I cannot do. Just because I cannot be with someone, does it mean I go with someone else? I know there are many who do that - go with second best, after all, it is better to be with someone rather than no one. But right now, my concept of a relationship is not like that. I am not craving for someone to love me and do things for me. If I really end up loving a person, I have no qualms doing anything for him. But if my heart is not able to convince my head (and vice versa) to do my best for someone, then I rather not go into anything at all.

In case some of you are wondering, yes, I told someone who tried to hold my hand we can only be friends, nothing more than that. Sometimes I wonder, must I stop being nice to people just so they will not get the wrong message? A girl being nice to a guy does not indicate she is interested, just like if a guy is nice to a girl, that does not mean he is interested as well. Or maybe people nowadays are just "un-nice" so when someone is nice, they will always question the motive or jump to the wrong conclusions. How sad!

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Tough Times Ahead!

The stock market has crashed! Or rather, plunged an all-time low, which is as good as crashing! Now that the two super powers have crashed, who can bail them out, and the rest of the world at that?

Banks are merging and acquiring, financial institutions are in an uproar, governments have to try to bail out some giants. Even with the bailout, a certain company's executives spent a week in luxury, temporarily forgotten the hot soup they were in a while back! How can they do something like that when taxpayers bailed them out?

That is the trouble with the financial industry. Full of greedy, heartless people. Alright, not all of them are like that, but still, when the layman needs money, they take back everything, yet they expect layman to bail them out and use that money to indulge. Times are bleak indeed!

A Day Of Interviews!

What a day it was yesterday! Got all my interviews sorted, for the day at least! I walked all over the business district, resulting in quite a number of blisters on my feet, and had to hobble when the late afternoon comes around.

The first interview was at a French Multi National Corporation in the oil and gas industry, incidentally the provider of lubricant for the Formula One's Renault team. The company's reception area looks really professional! The entire office looks professional, reeks of sophistication, yet warm and friendly, not stodgy or stuffy.

If I get offered, I will not mind working there! The top and senior management are mostly Frenchmen (and good looking ones at that too!), and the person I may be reporting to is a British guy (rather hot for a middle-aged guy!). Even some of the Asian guys I saw are good-looking! My friend said it sounds like I am there more for the guys than the job, but well, how am I to know the place is full of pleasing eye candy? :-p

Nevertheless, it seems like a good place to work for. I have been told if I get selected, there may be a stint in Paris! Wow.. a dream of a place! If someone offers me a job in Paris (despite not being able to speak French), I will pack up and go immediately!

The rest of the interviews went pretty smoothly as well. In any case, I received a call from another company - one that is involved in developing the new integrated resorts - for an interview next Friday. See how that goes as well!