Turning another year older makes me want to put things in perspective, namely relationship matters. I am not in a relationship with anyone, but I cannot help but wonder whether I should pay heed to my feelings or to my rationality? Yes, I know that is the ever perennial debate, but how do you choose between your heart and your head when both are in eternal conflict?
Few weeks back, I recounted my impression of a friend, whom I am very comfortable hanging out with, and I must admit, a little interested in. At the same time, there is another friend whom I have been meeting up with and can get along quite okay with.
I always feel Friend No. 1 is better by far, in terms of personality, character and intellect. Or rather, shall I say, he has the kind of personality and brains that attract me. But because of his outgoing, fun-loving and bubbly personality, he is not one whom I foresee will likely to settle down anytime soon.
Friend No. 2, on the other hand, is equally smart and intellectual. However, he is a quieter person. That is not to say he is totally silent, he will talk and converse articulately as well, except he is not that a "people" kind of person like Friend No. 1 is. But he is stable and ready to commit.
Right now all of us are still friends (the two guys do not know each other personally). Last week, I was cooped up with some work problems, and I kind of blasted at people, including those two. Friend No. 2 gave me a call, asked if I needed any help and that was it. Friend No. 1 showed his concern and asked me what happened. The next morning, Friend No. 1 sent me a message wishing me good morning and good day and cheered me up.
On Saturday, I went to a common friend's place to play tennis doubles. Friend No. 1 bought a birthday cake and surprised me, complete with three candles, then we all celebrated together. I seriously did not expect that! If he wanted to cheer me up, he had succeeded immensely!
Last night, Friend No. 2 asked me out for dinner. Knowing that I may be going to Hokkaido, he brought me to eat Hokkaido steamboat. Honestly, yesterday I was not in the mood to eat such a big meal as I had a really frustrating week. I was not even in the mood for drinks after that, I just wanted to go home! So he obliged and took me home. Then when he dropped me off, he gave me a gift and a souvenir he brought back from his recent trip to Russia.
The gift is a pink Adidas sling bag which I had been eyeing! Now, how in the world does he know that? The souvenir is a poster of Leonardo Da Vinci's Madonna and Child, which he got from the Hermitage in St Petersburg, one of my favourite paintings. How does he know that too?
I was really touched. After I sent him a message to thank him, he said as long as I like, and asked me to cheer up because I really look sad. These are some things which will really melt my heart, and if I was a couple of years younger and not at this stage, I would have really fallen hard without thinking.
The thing is, if one is to ask me who I kind of like more, I would say Friend No. 1. Simply no reason, I just prefer him. My heart tells me he is someone I am more interested in. If he was the one whom I had dinner with last night, I would not want the night to end, I would have gone with him for drinks and stayed out until as late as we liked, even if I was not in a good mood! Yet somehow with Friend No. 2, I was not in the mood to do that. But if one is to ask me who is a more likely candidate to settle down with, then it is Friend No. 2 because my head tells me so.
I have not gone to the stage of actually falling head over heels in love yet. Neither have I even reached the stage of love. And I believe I am a more rational and much less emotional person than before. Yet, despite all these, I find myself getting more attracted to Friend No. 1 than to Friend No. 2.
But as to who is more interested in me, I daresay it is Friend No. 2. Which is why I need to sort this out, because in the event I get into a relationship again, it is to give all to the other person, my entire heart. If my heart is not in it, even if he is a good person, even if we get along great, even if he is a reliable and dependable person, I will not feel good. I do not want to do something that will only make me regret next time, and to make another person unhappy.
Few weeks back, I recounted my impression of a friend, whom I am very comfortable hanging out with, and I must admit, a little interested in. At the same time, there is another friend whom I have been meeting up with and can get along quite okay with.
I always feel Friend No. 1 is better by far, in terms of personality, character and intellect. Or rather, shall I say, he has the kind of personality and brains that attract me. But because of his outgoing, fun-loving and bubbly personality, he is not one whom I foresee will likely to settle down anytime soon.
Friend No. 2, on the other hand, is equally smart and intellectual. However, he is a quieter person. That is not to say he is totally silent, he will talk and converse articulately as well, except he is not that a "people" kind of person like Friend No. 1 is. But he is stable and ready to commit.
Right now all of us are still friends (the two guys do not know each other personally). Last week, I was cooped up with some work problems, and I kind of blasted at people, including those two. Friend No. 2 gave me a call, asked if I needed any help and that was it. Friend No. 1 showed his concern and asked me what happened. The next morning, Friend No. 1 sent me a message wishing me good morning and good day and cheered me up.
On Saturday, I went to a common friend's place to play tennis doubles. Friend No. 1 bought a birthday cake and surprised me, complete with three candles, then we all celebrated together. I seriously did not expect that! If he wanted to cheer me up, he had succeeded immensely!
Last night, Friend No. 2 asked me out for dinner. Knowing that I may be going to Hokkaido, he brought me to eat Hokkaido steamboat. Honestly, yesterday I was not in the mood to eat such a big meal as I had a really frustrating week. I was not even in the mood for drinks after that, I just wanted to go home! So he obliged and took me home. Then when he dropped me off, he gave me a gift and a souvenir he brought back from his recent trip to Russia.
The gift is a pink Adidas sling bag which I had been eyeing! Now, how in the world does he know that? The souvenir is a poster of Leonardo Da Vinci's Madonna and Child, which he got from the Hermitage in St Petersburg, one of my favourite paintings. How does he know that too?
I was really touched. After I sent him a message to thank him, he said as long as I like, and asked me to cheer up because I really look sad. These are some things which will really melt my heart, and if I was a couple of years younger and not at this stage, I would have really fallen hard without thinking.
The thing is, if one is to ask me who I kind of like more, I would say Friend No. 1. Simply no reason, I just prefer him. My heart tells me he is someone I am more interested in. If he was the one whom I had dinner with last night, I would not want the night to end, I would have gone with him for drinks and stayed out until as late as we liked, even if I was not in a good mood! Yet somehow with Friend No. 2, I was not in the mood to do that. But if one is to ask me who is a more likely candidate to settle down with, then it is Friend No. 2 because my head tells me so.
I have not gone to the stage of actually falling head over heels in love yet. Neither have I even reached the stage of love. And I believe I am a more rational and much less emotional person than before. Yet, despite all these, I find myself getting more attracted to Friend No. 1 than to Friend No. 2.
But as to who is more interested in me, I daresay it is Friend No. 2. Which is why I need to sort this out, because in the event I get into a relationship again, it is to give all to the other person, my entire heart. If my heart is not in it, even if he is a good person, even if we get along great, even if he is a reliable and dependable person, I will not feel good. I do not want to do something that will only make me regret next time, and to make another person unhappy.
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