There was an article in the papers yesterday about the number of people marrying foreigners, and on how some matchmaking agencies handle exclusively “foreign imports” for a rather steep price per match. If I am to pay a five-figure sum just to find a foreign husband, I rather spend that amount of money travelling the world, hopefully to find a foreign husband on my own rather than through a third party!
The article states that the reason why more people are marrying foreigners is because due to globalization, more and more locals are going overseas be it for studies, leisure or work. It is no surprise some end up meeting their future halves overseas. In any case, all depend on fate. Some are just luckier than others. My friend is so well-travelled, has worked in various countries, yet he still has not met anyone. Neither have I met anyone in any of my travels.
The thing is for local girls who marry foreigners, a big number end up being married to Caucasians. These girls are smart, sassy, well-educated, established and professional, and their husbands are the same kinds. People think it is because these girls are SPGs, but actually, not all Caucasians here are rich – staying in big houses and drive fancy cars. There are some who are normal wage earners, take public transport and stay in flats as well.
Whereas for local guys who marry foreigners, it is mainly the other way round. These guys are normally simpler, not as highly educated, in simpler jobs, and end up marrying girls from the other Asian countries – girls who may be much younger and not as educated, but who want so much to escape their countries and come here to have a better life. So even if they do not work and depend on the husbands, they are very happy about that too.
Maybe it is to do with lifestyle and upbringing. Education and exposure give different perspectives to a person. There are many people here who are still stuck in their own worlds, but there are also many who are very interesting people. Then there is the common question on whether local girls are simply too choosy. Actually, based on some guys I know, one can understand why girls are choosy. If all they meet are guys who have sex on their minds and not willing to be committed, how can anyone not be choosy? Or meet guys who are so shallow and not able to see the deeper picture.
I have a friend who broke off with her ex of more than nine years. They have been together since polytechnic. She has a rather good attitude to learn, so after completing her studies, she enrolled herself in part-time university studies, while working at the same time. Then she got her degree and went on to pursue her Masters. As a result, she got promoted at work.
Her ex, on the other hand, managed to find a job after his army. But he is not worried about prospects, and comfortable doing a simple job with normal pay. In any case, anyone here knows how different it is for a non-graduate and a graduate in the working world. There is a very big difference in the salary of a graduate and that of a non-graduate! Heck, there is already a big difference between the salary of an honours and a non-honours!
So, anyone with any inclination of a better life will want to upgrade instead of being stuck where they are. But the guy just refused. He kept giving the excuse that studying was a big struggle, already working so what for still study? He rather spends his time playing soccer and computer games. Fine, to each their own.
She was fine with it. But when she got promoted and started having higher qualifications, he was the one who had the issues. Like he got very insecure, asked her why did she have to study so much, why must she earn more than him, was it because she looked down on him? On one hand, she did not wish to give up her ambitions because of him. On the other hand, she was in a difficult spot as she did not want him to feel inadequate.
So, she showed her support and encouragement, but at the same time hinted perhaps he could upgrade and so they could have a better life overall. And he just refused. He accused her of being materialistic, of wanting more money, of not being satisfied with what he could afford, of looking down on him. In the end, things did not work out, because he could not accept her being better and she could not tolerate his childishness.
Now, she is getting married to someone with a Masters in Business Administration, and earning more than her. But also, he had no qualms her being higher educated or earning more than him even if she was to take up further studies and opportunity. When her ex found out, he kicked up a big fuss, that how right he was that she was just someone materialistic who wanted a guy to earn so much for her, etc.
Honestly, anyone would have kicked the guy out long ago. But that is girls for you, when they really love someone, they will do everything they can to hold on to the relationship, until it got to the stage where nothing could work anymore. In any case, it is not the educational qualifications or how much he is earning, but his overall attitude and mentality that matters.
So if one meets a guy like that, do people honestly think it is the girl who is too choosy? Why not say the guy is choosy too, that he cannot accept it if the girl is better educated or have a better career than him? And he does not want to support her in her path in life? Afterall, girls like someone who can support her as well as she makes her way in life, just like how she will support him.
I am not saying no girls will like him, perhaps someone with his kind of mentality – simple, easy going, not much ambition – will accept him. Or a foreigner who just needs a man and a family and nothing else. Anyone with any ambition and who wants a better life will not be able to tolerate (cannot say for all, but in general that is the case).
Then there are other kinds of guys, who have other issues of their own. Like they have a series of broken relationships with temperamental girls. I am not saying that girls are all temperamental, but from my own experience, at times, a girl being bad-tempered can be triggered off by the guy. If a girl is not treated with due respect, she will lose her temper sooner or later. Not just a girl, anyone who has been taken for granted and not treated with respect, will lose the temper sooner or later!
Yet guys will never examine themselves. They always think it is the girl at fault. For instance, I have a friend who has been here for a decade as she came here to study. She has been living on her own or sharing with roommates since then. Late last year, she met a guy. The guy is very possessive – call her every lunch time and every day when she knocks off. He will probe and interrogate whenever she receives messages from guys or when she is out having meals with her guy friends or colleagues.
When she lost her way and ended up in the red light district once in a heavy rain late at night and she called him for help, he scolded her for going out without his permission in the first place, and served her right to be stuck in the rain in the red light district and dirty old men thinking lewd thoughts about her, so she should just go opposite and take another bus back or take a cab back.
She was so mad because of that! Her friend, even as just a friend, actually sent her a message asking if she had reached home, and when she told him her situation, he was immediately concerned and offered to call her and talk to her on the phone until she reached home. Yet her own boyfriend could treat her so callously, after she called him and he made those remarks, he never once bothered to call her back or sent her a message asking how she was. In this case, is it really the girl's fault if she got irritated with the guy? And he accused her of being temperamental!
Early this year, her lease was up so she had to shift. He offered for her to move in with him, but she thought it would be going too fast too soon, so refused. Now they are living on different ends of the island. He would drive to her place to pick her up all the time. However, recently, he had been grumbling how far it was to pick her up.
Now, her lease is up again. She wanted to renew her lease, but he said to find a place near his area so it would be more convenient for him to meet her. Yet when she actually managed to find a place opposite his, he panicked, saying why must she move so near to him, does she expect him to marry her if she moves so near to him, it is as if she is moving into his house. She was so angry at why he was changing his tune so fast, when just months back, he wanted her to move in with him! So she decided to just renew her lease at her current place and not shift anywhere!
If we happen to meet guys like that, who make us so unhappy that we cannot even focus on anything, then when we break up to keep our sanity, we get blamed for being choosy?! Which is why many girls decide to give up on local guys and just go with a foreigner – someone more interesting, gracious and generous.
I am not saying all foreigners are good, there are lots of jerks and pricks amongst them too, but what I am saying is that when we find a mate, we will want someone whom we are happy with, and not someone who makes us unhappy. So if we happen to meet someone who fulfils all but he is not local, it is really by chance, and not because we deliberately seek them out (granted even if there are girls who only want foreigners).
All I am saying is that, if guys complain girls go for foreigners, then maybe the guys should first examine their own attitudes, whether they can give the girl a happy life, before they start labeling the girls. If girls complain that guys end up with foreigners as well, then they should also ask themselves if they are willing to just lead a simple life with just a husband and family and not crave for much. If both are not willing to compromise, then just move on and find a suitable match, instead of griping about why things are the way they are.
The article states that the reason why more people are marrying foreigners is because due to globalization, more and more locals are going overseas be it for studies, leisure or work. It is no surprise some end up meeting their future halves overseas. In any case, all depend on fate. Some are just luckier than others. My friend is so well-travelled, has worked in various countries, yet he still has not met anyone. Neither have I met anyone in any of my travels.
The thing is for local girls who marry foreigners, a big number end up being married to Caucasians. These girls are smart, sassy, well-educated, established and professional, and their husbands are the same kinds. People think it is because these girls are SPGs, but actually, not all Caucasians here are rich – staying in big houses and drive fancy cars. There are some who are normal wage earners, take public transport and stay in flats as well.
Whereas for local guys who marry foreigners, it is mainly the other way round. These guys are normally simpler, not as highly educated, in simpler jobs, and end up marrying girls from the other Asian countries – girls who may be much younger and not as educated, but who want so much to escape their countries and come here to have a better life. So even if they do not work and depend on the husbands, they are very happy about that too.
Maybe it is to do with lifestyle and upbringing. Education and exposure give different perspectives to a person. There are many people here who are still stuck in their own worlds, but there are also many who are very interesting people. Then there is the common question on whether local girls are simply too choosy. Actually, based on some guys I know, one can understand why girls are choosy. If all they meet are guys who have sex on their minds and not willing to be committed, how can anyone not be choosy? Or meet guys who are so shallow and not able to see the deeper picture.
I have a friend who broke off with her ex of more than nine years. They have been together since polytechnic. She has a rather good attitude to learn, so after completing her studies, she enrolled herself in part-time university studies, while working at the same time. Then she got her degree and went on to pursue her Masters. As a result, she got promoted at work.
Her ex, on the other hand, managed to find a job after his army. But he is not worried about prospects, and comfortable doing a simple job with normal pay. In any case, anyone here knows how different it is for a non-graduate and a graduate in the working world. There is a very big difference in the salary of a graduate and that of a non-graduate! Heck, there is already a big difference between the salary of an honours and a non-honours!
So, anyone with any inclination of a better life will want to upgrade instead of being stuck where they are. But the guy just refused. He kept giving the excuse that studying was a big struggle, already working so what for still study? He rather spends his time playing soccer and computer games. Fine, to each their own.
She was fine with it. But when she got promoted and started having higher qualifications, he was the one who had the issues. Like he got very insecure, asked her why did she have to study so much, why must she earn more than him, was it because she looked down on him? On one hand, she did not wish to give up her ambitions because of him. On the other hand, she was in a difficult spot as she did not want him to feel inadequate.
So, she showed her support and encouragement, but at the same time hinted perhaps he could upgrade and so they could have a better life overall. And he just refused. He accused her of being materialistic, of wanting more money, of not being satisfied with what he could afford, of looking down on him. In the end, things did not work out, because he could not accept her being better and she could not tolerate his childishness.
Now, she is getting married to someone with a Masters in Business Administration, and earning more than her. But also, he had no qualms her being higher educated or earning more than him even if she was to take up further studies and opportunity. When her ex found out, he kicked up a big fuss, that how right he was that she was just someone materialistic who wanted a guy to earn so much for her, etc.
Honestly, anyone would have kicked the guy out long ago. But that is girls for you, when they really love someone, they will do everything they can to hold on to the relationship, until it got to the stage where nothing could work anymore. In any case, it is not the educational qualifications or how much he is earning, but his overall attitude and mentality that matters.
So if one meets a guy like that, do people honestly think it is the girl who is too choosy? Why not say the guy is choosy too, that he cannot accept it if the girl is better educated or have a better career than him? And he does not want to support her in her path in life? Afterall, girls like someone who can support her as well as she makes her way in life, just like how she will support him.
I am not saying no girls will like him, perhaps someone with his kind of mentality – simple, easy going, not much ambition – will accept him. Or a foreigner who just needs a man and a family and nothing else. Anyone with any ambition and who wants a better life will not be able to tolerate (cannot say for all, but in general that is the case).
Then there are other kinds of guys, who have other issues of their own. Like they have a series of broken relationships with temperamental girls. I am not saying that girls are all temperamental, but from my own experience, at times, a girl being bad-tempered can be triggered off by the guy. If a girl is not treated with due respect, she will lose her temper sooner or later. Not just a girl, anyone who has been taken for granted and not treated with respect, will lose the temper sooner or later!
Yet guys will never examine themselves. They always think it is the girl at fault. For instance, I have a friend who has been here for a decade as she came here to study. She has been living on her own or sharing with roommates since then. Late last year, she met a guy. The guy is very possessive – call her every lunch time and every day when she knocks off. He will probe and interrogate whenever she receives messages from guys or when she is out having meals with her guy friends or colleagues.
When she lost her way and ended up in the red light district once in a heavy rain late at night and she called him for help, he scolded her for going out without his permission in the first place, and served her right to be stuck in the rain in the red light district and dirty old men thinking lewd thoughts about her, so she should just go opposite and take another bus back or take a cab back.
She was so mad because of that! Her friend, even as just a friend, actually sent her a message asking if she had reached home, and when she told him her situation, he was immediately concerned and offered to call her and talk to her on the phone until she reached home. Yet her own boyfriend could treat her so callously, after she called him and he made those remarks, he never once bothered to call her back or sent her a message asking how she was. In this case, is it really the girl's fault if she got irritated with the guy? And he accused her of being temperamental!
Early this year, her lease was up so she had to shift. He offered for her to move in with him, but she thought it would be going too fast too soon, so refused. Now they are living on different ends of the island. He would drive to her place to pick her up all the time. However, recently, he had been grumbling how far it was to pick her up.
Now, her lease is up again. She wanted to renew her lease, but he said to find a place near his area so it would be more convenient for him to meet her. Yet when she actually managed to find a place opposite his, he panicked, saying why must she move so near to him, does she expect him to marry her if she moves so near to him, it is as if she is moving into his house. She was so angry at why he was changing his tune so fast, when just months back, he wanted her to move in with him! So she decided to just renew her lease at her current place and not shift anywhere!
If we happen to meet guys like that, who make us so unhappy that we cannot even focus on anything, then when we break up to keep our sanity, we get blamed for being choosy?! Which is why many girls decide to give up on local guys and just go with a foreigner – someone more interesting, gracious and generous.
I am not saying all foreigners are good, there are lots of jerks and pricks amongst them too, but what I am saying is that when we find a mate, we will want someone whom we are happy with, and not someone who makes us unhappy. So if we happen to meet someone who fulfils all but he is not local, it is really by chance, and not because we deliberately seek them out (granted even if there are girls who only want foreigners).
All I am saying is that, if guys complain girls go for foreigners, then maybe the guys should first examine their own attitudes, whether they can give the girl a happy life, before they start labeling the girls. If girls complain that guys end up with foreigners as well, then they should also ask themselves if they are willing to just lead a simple life with just a husband and family and not crave for much. If both are not willing to compromise, then just move on and find a suitable match, instead of griping about why things are the way they are.
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